Sometimes, people are just broke and broken. They get stuck in it; they get out of it.
Broken things get fixed, thrown out, forgotten, or made into something new. Sometimes, we fix what we broke; other times, we fix what we didn't break.
We're constantly breaking ourselves and each other. Who's supposed to fix us? Should we take responsibility for the people we've broken? Are we supposed to feel responsible?
Friday, January 22, 2016
Thursday, January 7, 2016
My Lack of Creativity and Passion
I've never really felt like a creative or original person. Even when I was a little kid, making art or telling stories. I just looked for patterns or formulas that worked and repeated them. I created what I thought I was supposed to create. For the grade; for the good impression; for learning. (I learn well through repetition.)
My life is routine, but I made it that way. I don't give myself ways or seek any avenues to express myself or inspire my creativity.
I've always felt like I lacked a lot of things. Creativity, passion, dedication, motivation, confidence, courage. I've had plenty of great people in my life who did their best to fuel the fire and inspire me. I have always been amazed by their enthusiasm and passion. I thought I had felt inspiration many times; looking back, I don't know if I ever really did.
Teachers and friends were always encouraging me to explore and try new things. So I've tried new things here and there. I've enjoyed most of the activities I tried. I was actually pretty decent at some of them. I was a quick learner when I focused. Many times, I have thought, "If I keep this up, I could be a pro." I enjoyed feeling accomplished. But I never developed a passion for anything.
Maybe I'm not trying hard enough to find my passion. But I really never felt strongly about anything I did.
The most extreme feelings I've had were for my relationships with people. But I don't think I can really compare that to the passion people feel for their hobbies or work...
When people are passionate about something, they put their time and effort into it. I can do that too but only for a little while. My passion, or inspiration, or motivation, isn't self-sustainable. I don't know how to convince myself that what I currently enjoy is what I want to put my time and energy into for the long run.
----
This could explain why I'm so attracted to people who are driven and passionate about something, whether it's a sport or a cause. They have what I lack. They feel something I wish I could feel.
When I think of passion, I think of a fire that's continually fed (inspired). When I thought I had a passion for something, it was really just campfire that I didn't know how to make or maintain.
Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe I'm too lazy. Maybe I just haven't come across my real inspiration yet. Maybe I'm too comfortable being uninspired.
----
My life is routine because I made it this way. My excitement comes from occasionally straying from the routine or even just changing it up completely. But my life centers around routine.
Where is the creativity and the passion that everyone else seems to have?
Or maybe I just feel stuck in my life right now, and it's making me rewrite my memories and forget what creativity and passion feel like. Haha maybe.
My life is routine, but I made it that way. I don't give myself ways or seek any avenues to express myself or inspire my creativity.
I've always felt like I lacked a lot of things. Creativity, passion, dedication, motivation, confidence, courage. I've had plenty of great people in my life who did their best to fuel the fire and inspire me. I have always been amazed by their enthusiasm and passion. I thought I had felt inspiration many times; looking back, I don't know if I ever really did.
Teachers and friends were always encouraging me to explore and try new things. So I've tried new things here and there. I've enjoyed most of the activities I tried. I was actually pretty decent at some of them. I was a quick learner when I focused. Many times, I have thought, "If I keep this up, I could be a pro." I enjoyed feeling accomplished. But I never developed a passion for anything.
Maybe I'm not trying hard enough to find my passion. But I really never felt strongly about anything I did.
The most extreme feelings I've had were for my relationships with people. But I don't think I can really compare that to the passion people feel for their hobbies or work...
When people are passionate about something, they put their time and effort into it. I can do that too but only for a little while. My passion, or inspiration, or motivation, isn't self-sustainable. I don't know how to convince myself that what I currently enjoy is what I want to put my time and energy into for the long run.
----
This could explain why I'm so attracted to people who are driven and passionate about something, whether it's a sport or a cause. They have what I lack. They feel something I wish I could feel.
When I think of passion, I think of a fire that's continually fed (inspired). When I thought I had a passion for something, it was really just campfire that I didn't know how to make or maintain.
Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe I'm too lazy. Maybe I just haven't come across my real inspiration yet. Maybe I'm too comfortable being uninspired.
----
My life is routine because I made it this way. My excitement comes from occasionally straying from the routine or even just changing it up completely. But my life centers around routine.
Where is the creativity and the passion that everyone else seems to have?
Or maybe I just feel stuck in my life right now, and it's making me rewrite my memories and forget what creativity and passion feel like. Haha maybe.
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