I guess this could be a political post, but I'm just sharing what's tumbling around in my head.
A symbol is a symbol. I don't necessarily put a lot of value into symbols, probably because I don't always understand them unless they are explained to me haha.
Ultimately, the flag and the national anthem haven't done anything for or to me, except act as government-supported symbols of freedom that I have willingly accepted. I don't reject the flag, but I also don't blindly love and admire it. I understand its purpose and role in our society; it is supposed to represent the American people and country to not only us but also the rest of the world. But I also just see it as what it is. A flag. A piece of cloth designed to instill a sense of belonging, comraderie, loyalty, freedom, patriotism, etc.
A flag is a flag. I wouldn't lose sleep over it. It doesn't have a personal meaning to me other than what I have been taught in school. I have a very detached attachment to the American flag. I think the closest things I've ever owned to a US flag were Old Navy shirts with the flag printed on them. And my mom was the one who bought them.
Anyway, to others, the flag represents a lot of things. It represents different things to different people. It makes them experience different feelings. I've probably felt some patriotic feelings here and there, provoked by some circumstances and situations. They were short-lived because, again, I don't hold much value in most symbols.
At this moment, I just see the flag as a flag. It has a history and lots of emotions attached to it. But when we break it down, it is a cloth and a symbol that will one day disappear and be forgotten. Unless by some miracle, humans live forever and keep a meticulous record of all history (doubtful). To hold onto something so impermanent and to hold onto so much anger toward people who do not think the same, it feels pointless. It changes no one's mind to be so angry.
"I wouldn't" does not equate to "You shouldn't."
"I will not" does not equate to "You cannot."
The wider conversation about the flag has boiled down to what people have to do. I think that's the wrong approach. Give people the freedom to show their true colors, and decide if those colors match your own. Maybe some effort in a constructive conversation will help you find some common ground. If you make a person do something you want them to do, then their action is empty.
I saw a quote somewhere on Facebook that sums up what I'm thinking better than I can say it: "Patriotism isn't about making everyone stand and salute the flag. Patriotism is about making this a country where everyone wants to."
It's like how I approach the words "I love you"; there was once a person who expected me to say it on the spot to prove my feelings, but I could not and would not say it. She got frustrated and upset, but I wouldn't budge. Part of it was we were in high school and I had no idea what I was doing or how I felt. But a major part of it was the obligation would have undermined my intention. If I had said "I love you" when she expected me to, then it wouldn't have meant the same. Sure, I would have said it, she might have felt the impact of it, and she would have appreciated it. But my intention would have been to appease her rather than to express how I felt.
Likewise, forcing people to stand and "respect" the flag would just be a coerced act of appeasement.
People get mad about so many things. But I don't know if it's worth it. My anger won't change other people's mind. It just scares or provokes them; the response is defensiveness or retaliation. When someone comes at me angrily, I tend to absorb that anger and to want to return it immediately to make them stop. That's all that has been happening with this "debate." I don't feel like there will be productive movement in any direction. It's just a topic to be angry about.
I have to mention, when Kap didn't stand up last year and set off the storm, I didn't think much of it. He didn't represent me, but I understood why he did what he did. I didn't necessarily agree with him at the time, but I also didn't disagree. My perspective on the situation was "Oh, I see where you're at. You do you." And I was on my merry way. I suppose this may be more of a testament to how not easily inspired I am haha.
Before anyone thinks I willfully disrespect the troops, I support the troops 100%, and I am grateful for their courage, strength, and sacrifices.
However, I haven't stood and placed my hand over my heart for the flag or anthem in many years. I often stand, close my eyes, bow my head, and thank the troops in my head. And I pray for them. That's how I express my respect and thanks. It might not be as public and showy as saluting the flag and all that. But I know how I feel about our troops, and I feel my way of expression is the best for me. Not for others, just myself. Kinda like how some people believe their private one-on-one conversations with God are more fulfilling than sermons.
Sorry, lots of rambling. It's late, and I should have gone to bed two hours ago. But I just wanted to put some words down somewhere.
Symbols are funny. They don't exist until you want them to exist. Then they don't stop existing until everyone forgets about them.
Monday, September 25, 2017
Saturday, September 23, 2017
2017 has been an eventful year so far.
We’re about three-quarters of the way through 2017. There are three months left of the year to enjoy. I feel like I was just on my first flight to Portland a few weeks ago, but that was back in February.
It has been an exciting year, a little different from what I've doing in previous years.
I gave myself a ticket budget for EDM events and have been sticking to it. By the end of this year, I will have only attended eleven events:
Crush SF
Phutureprimitive
Andrew Rayel
Anjunabeats
Martin Garrix (free)
Dreamstate SF day 2 (free)
Untz Festival
EDC LV
Prince Fox
Seven Lions
Illenium
I planned actual travel adventures, and I got to check off several first-time bucket list items:
-Visited Portland (to visit Vivi; first time on a plane by myself; second flight ever)
-Drove on the PCH (first solo road trip)
-Visited Santa Barbara (to see Summer)
-Paid off my car loan (despite not getting credit for it)
-Played paintball (my bruises are still there)
-Visited Seattle and Vancouver, Canada (with Matt)
-Left the US for the first time ever in my life
-Visited San Diego/La Jolla
-Flew over the Pacific Ocean to visit Hawaii
I'm proud of myself for trying some new activities and kinda getting out of my comfort zone.
My ticket budget has been easy to stick to. Though, I should have accounted for the events at the end of the year, like Escape and Countdown. I'm a little disappointed that I won't be attending Escape this year. It's one of my favorite events, and the lineup this year makes me happy. I need a little more Darren Styles in my life. But it's okay. I'm sticking to my budget out of principle haha. What's the point of having a budget if I don't follow it? Because of my budget and finishing my car payments, I've been able to save more than twice as much as I have in the three years before. It's an achievement I'm very proud of.
Traveling has been an overall interesting experience. Mostly rewarding. And eye-opening in unexpected ways. I've come to the conclusion that I am not much of a traveler or adventurer. I am a homebody at heart. But I will continue to travel to push myself out of my comfort zone every so often, to visit friends, and to create memories with my friends. I need to start planning and budgeting for 2018.
----
I don't have many set plans for the rest of 2017. Four more shows in October and November (Oh Wonder, Tegan and Sara, Seven Lions, and Illenium). No travels. Maybe my fourth tattoo, maybe not. I'm just thinking about the cost of a half sleeve or even just a mid-size tattoo with color. Hmm... It would be wiser to save the money.
Maybe I'll try to knock out some other bucket list items instead. I should look at my list and see what I can fit in.
----
As for 2018, I have ideas of what I would like to do for the year.
I have just over a year until I will cut my hair. October 17, 2018. I look forward to this day. I feel like this next year is gonna feel slow because I want to cut my hair. Depending on how I feel about my hair at the time, after I cut off the hair I'm donating, I may either keep a short cut (pixie?) or shave everything again haha. So many choices. I can't wait to free my head of the weight haha.
In terms of EDM events, I haven't decided if I will follow another strict budget. I make a little more money now than I did when I created this year's budget. I also don't have car payments anymore. I'm not really saving my money for anything other than to save. But I don't know which direction my job is really going in. I don't know if I'll continue to make as much as I do now. I feel like I should prepare for the worst, even though I may be worrying myself over nothing.
Anyway, what seems to be certain is EDC LV in May. Fifth year with slightly cooler temperatures? Why not? I can't seem to say no haha. And it seems the rave fam wants to go. The less certain festivals are Untz, Electric Forest, and Escape.
Untz Festival is at the beginning of June again, but the festival and parking passes altogether will be at least $30 more than the previous two years. It will also be two weeks after EDC. I don't recover as quickly as I used to; so I don't know if this would be a good idea haha.
Electric Forest at the end of June or beginning of July is also appealing. I've skipped it every time for EDC because of timing and cost. This year, since EDC is a month earlier, there would be little conflict in timing and budget for EF. But I wouldn't have a rave fam to go with.
Also, 10 year high school reunion will be June 30. Gotta think about that too. I can't wait to see my old classmates haha. I can't believe it's already been nine years since I've seen most of them.
Potential travel plans for 2018 include Lake Tahoe, Portland, Colorado, Chicago (Lollapalooza?), East Coast (New York and DC), and London. I want to apply for Global Entry if I do decide to visit London. I want to make my travels as simple and easy as possible. I also kinda feel like 2018 will be my last travel year if I do follow through with these plans. After next year, maybe I'll just travel once or twice a year if at all. Traveling is exhausting; my goals for traveling is just to exist in a new place. Goals have been achieved. It feels good. But I think I'm a bit of a boring travel partner because everyone else enjoys exploring. I just wanna know what it feels like to be a lazy local haha. People-watching in foreign places is awesome.
If I go back to Hawaii, I'm gonna check out Kauai instead of Honolulu and Waikiki. I've been told it's one of the best places for introverts. And I think I would enjoy it very much.
When spring starts next year, I'll finally go whale-watching, skydiving, and riding in a hot air balloon. I say this, but who knows if I'll follow through? I just need to make legit plans and set things into motion.
----
My family is doing all right. Health is holding out. Relations are a little strained. Emotions and moods could be better. But that's nothing new. There had been talks of change in terms of actions and living situations, but everything is still pretty much as it was a year ago. I guess we're maintaining course.
Hmm, I should plan next year with my family and future in mind. Retirement and pre-school costs. So many things to think about.
----
I live a very fortunate life. I live in the US, I am relatively healthy, I have a job that pays me enough to live a comfortable life, and I have the ability to make decisions that contribute to a more fortunate future. I am grateful for the cards I have been dealt.
Sometimes, I'm torn between feeling grateful and feeling undeserving. But I can only move forward and contribute as much good as I can into the world, even if it feels inconsequential. I must try.
It has been an exciting year, a little different from what I've doing in previous years.
I gave myself a ticket budget for EDM events and have been sticking to it. By the end of this year, I will have only attended eleven events:
Crush SF
Phutureprimitive
Andrew Rayel
Anjunabeats
Martin Garrix (free)
Dreamstate SF day 2 (free)
Untz Festival
EDC LV
Prince Fox
Seven Lions
Illenium
I planned actual travel adventures, and I got to check off several first-time bucket list items:
-Visited Portland (to visit Vivi; first time on a plane by myself; second flight ever)
-Drove on the PCH (first solo road trip)
-Visited Santa Barbara (to see Summer)
-Paid off my car loan (despite not getting credit for it)
-Played paintball (my bruises are still there)
-Visited Seattle and Vancouver, Canada (with Matt)
-Left the US for the first time ever in my life
-Visited San Diego/La Jolla
-Flew over the Pacific Ocean to visit Hawaii
I'm proud of myself for trying some new activities and kinda getting out of my comfort zone.
My ticket budget has been easy to stick to. Though, I should have accounted for the events at the end of the year, like Escape and Countdown. I'm a little disappointed that I won't be attending Escape this year. It's one of my favorite events, and the lineup this year makes me happy. I need a little more Darren Styles in my life. But it's okay. I'm sticking to my budget out of principle haha. What's the point of having a budget if I don't follow it? Because of my budget and finishing my car payments, I've been able to save more than twice as much as I have in the three years before. It's an achievement I'm very proud of.
Traveling has been an overall interesting experience. Mostly rewarding. And eye-opening in unexpected ways. I've come to the conclusion that I am not much of a traveler or adventurer. I am a homebody at heart. But I will continue to travel to push myself out of my comfort zone every so often, to visit friends, and to create memories with my friends. I need to start planning and budgeting for 2018.
----
I don't have many set plans for the rest of 2017. Four more shows in October and November (Oh Wonder, Tegan and Sara, Seven Lions, and Illenium). No travels. Maybe my fourth tattoo, maybe not. I'm just thinking about the cost of a half sleeve or even just a mid-size tattoo with color. Hmm... It would be wiser to save the money.
Maybe I'll try to knock out some other bucket list items instead. I should look at my list and see what I can fit in.
----
As for 2018, I have ideas of what I would like to do for the year.
I have just over a year until I will cut my hair. October 17, 2018. I look forward to this day. I feel like this next year is gonna feel slow because I want to cut my hair. Depending on how I feel about my hair at the time, after I cut off the hair I'm donating, I may either keep a short cut (pixie?) or shave everything again haha. So many choices. I can't wait to free my head of the weight haha.
In terms of EDM events, I haven't decided if I will follow another strict budget. I make a little more money now than I did when I created this year's budget. I also don't have car payments anymore. I'm not really saving my money for anything other than to save. But I don't know which direction my job is really going in. I don't know if I'll continue to make as much as I do now. I feel like I should prepare for the worst, even though I may be worrying myself over nothing.
Anyway, what seems to be certain is EDC LV in May. Fifth year with slightly cooler temperatures? Why not? I can't seem to say no haha. And it seems the rave fam wants to go. The less certain festivals are Untz, Electric Forest, and Escape.
Untz Festival is at the beginning of June again, but the festival and parking passes altogether will be at least $30 more than the previous two years. It will also be two weeks after EDC. I don't recover as quickly as I used to; so I don't know if this would be a good idea haha.
Electric Forest at the end of June or beginning of July is also appealing. I've skipped it every time for EDC because of timing and cost. This year, since EDC is a month earlier, there would be little conflict in timing and budget for EF. But I wouldn't have a rave fam to go with.
Also, 10 year high school reunion will be June 30. Gotta think about that too. I can't wait to see my old classmates haha. I can't believe it's already been nine years since I've seen most of them.
Potential travel plans for 2018 include Lake Tahoe, Portland, Colorado, Chicago (Lollapalooza?), East Coast (New York and DC), and London. I want to apply for Global Entry if I do decide to visit London. I want to make my travels as simple and easy as possible. I also kinda feel like 2018 will be my last travel year if I do follow through with these plans. After next year, maybe I'll just travel once or twice a year if at all. Traveling is exhausting; my goals for traveling is just to exist in a new place. Goals have been achieved. It feels good. But I think I'm a bit of a boring travel partner because everyone else enjoys exploring. I just wanna know what it feels like to be a lazy local haha. People-watching in foreign places is awesome.
If I go back to Hawaii, I'm gonna check out Kauai instead of Honolulu and Waikiki. I've been told it's one of the best places for introverts. And I think I would enjoy it very much.
When spring starts next year, I'll finally go whale-watching, skydiving, and riding in a hot air balloon. I say this, but who knows if I'll follow through? I just need to make legit plans and set things into motion.
----
My family is doing all right. Health is holding out. Relations are a little strained. Emotions and moods could be better. But that's nothing new. There had been talks of change in terms of actions and living situations, but everything is still pretty much as it was a year ago. I guess we're maintaining course.
Hmm, I should plan next year with my family and future in mind. Retirement and pre-school costs. So many things to think about.
----
I live a very fortunate life. I live in the US, I am relatively healthy, I have a job that pays me enough to live a comfortable life, and I have the ability to make decisions that contribute to a more fortunate future. I am grateful for the cards I have been dealt.
Sometimes, I'm torn between feeling grateful and feeling undeserving. But I can only move forward and contribute as much good as I can into the world, even if it feels inconsequential. I must try.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)