What budget?

My resolve is weak. I want to adventure into the festival world. I haven't even gone a full week into 2018 yet; I'm already thinking of scrapping my rave ticket budget. 😅

I originally figured, if I raised my budget enough to cover EDC LV 2018, I would have more money to spend on smaller events throughout the year. Sounds good because I usually don't think about going to other major festivals.

But after seeing this year's Coachella lineup, I'm tempted. Mainly for the smaller names. I really wanna listen to them live before they blow up.  :) It would also be cool to check out a festival that's not strictly EDM. I had been considering Bonnaroo or Outside Lands as well. I may still choose one of those in the following years over Coachella.

If I decide to go to Coachella, I think I'm going to revise my budget plan. Actually, I'm going to ask for a pay raise at work first; it's long overdue. I haven't asked for a raise of any kind since 2016. And if I can get the pay I would like to have, Coachella may actually happen. And if Coachella happens, then I may start to revise and split my budget. One budget for festival tickets and one budget for massives and shows. I don't think I have the willpower to follow another strict overall budget this year haha.

My thrift may give way to extravagant adventures in 2018. I don't know yet. Maybe I'll find a balance between my 2013-2016 self and my 2017 self... Maybe not. Ugh. I'm conflicted between saving more money and indulging myself more frequently.

Must maintain moderation. I had been pretty darn good about it in 2017, so that I could travel and save money to help my family. This year, travel isn't as important. I was hoping to make travel a priority for 2018, but I realize travel really isn't my thing. I'll do it to visit friends and spend time with them. But I don't have any cemented travel plans; so raving may go up my priority list this year haha.

----

I believe Coachella passes have already sold out. The Internet went a little crazy yesterday about this. But I've decided: If I can't get a pass within 20% of face value, then I probably won't go. I'm not paying an absurd amount over face value for any event. I wouldn't even do that for EDC haha.

----

I don't really know what my priorities are right now... Sometimes, I think I want to rave until I die; dance, headbang, groove, and sway until all of my energy is depleted. Other times, I feel like I just want to save my money and energy for a nice, comfortable future.

Last-minute, miscellaneous thoughts for 2017

I've been sounding like a broken record all year, but I have to reiterate how lucky I feel to have the caring, helpful, and generous friends I have. They're enablers, but I am so appreciative of all the love they share.

I thought I was going to break my tradition of raving at the end of the year because of my budget. Matt is not even in town, but he got me a ticket for Kaskade's open-to-close set tomorrow night. I used the last of my 2017 budget to pay Matt back what I could for a portion of the ticket. This guy, what did I do to deserve him?

And I guess my NYE raving tradition is slightly broken? The show is on the 30th rather than the 31st. So I'll party it up tomorrow night and then have a lowkey NYE night with a few friends who also decided not to rave into the new year :) Yay, I won't be alone!

----

In the past 4.5 years, I went from 0 to 60 really quickly. My high school and college years were mellow. I barely knew what partying was; I couldn't afford to know what it was haha. I started letting loose a little in 2013 and going out more and more frequently. At some point, I was going out just about every weekend. At the end of 2016, I decided I needed to rein it in to save money and to try other things; so I put some restrictions on myself for 2017. I still went out on some weekends, but monetary limits kept me mindful. I think I've even returned to my 2013 levels of partying haha. Not bad.

----

2017 has been a challenging year in ways I didn't foresee, but it has been filled with many wonderful new adventures, lessons, and changes. I am so grateful for all the friends that supported me through the lows and cheered me on during the highs. I probably wouldn't have survived this year with my mind intact without all of them.

----

I always look forward to the end of the year because it feels like an accomplishment to reach it. Even though, I know it's such an arbitrary thing to care about. All the things that happened this year have shaped me into someone who is different from who I was a year ago. I'm more anxious and worried. I have to constantly train myself to trust. But I'm also more appreciative. I'm much more aware. I'm finding a new balance in my life. I try harder to not take time and people for granted.

I just hope I remember to keep this going. I got to the end of 2017 in one piece; I can keep going.

----

2018 will bring in new challenges; I hope I can ready myself for them, and I hope I've learned enough not to make the same mistakes I've made before.

I probably won't travel as much as I did this year, which wasn't that much anyway. Maybe two or three trips. We'll see how things pan out.

I hope I find the courage to step out of my comfort zone again. Enough to make a more positive impact on others.

2017 to 2018; budgets and stuff

My birthday this year was a bit overwhelming. Matt planned a couple of things to surprise me. It's not that hard to surprise me. :P But I felt a lot of love. I repeatedly asked myself what I had done to deserve such amazing and loving friends in my life.

Two weeks before my birthday, I thought Matt, Ant, and I were just getting dinner. Granted, it was at Alexander's Steakhouse. So fancy. I figured we were celebrating their promotions. When we arrived at the restaurant, I was underdressed and surprised by more friends (April, Cat, Amenda, and Mai). And there was guava cake! My friends know me too well haha.

Then I received an Illenium snapback as a group gift on another day. Loved it.

On the day of my birthday, first thing in the morning, I came into work and found my desk completely decked out with balloons, streamers, and knickknacks. I knew Lisa had to have done it because that's definitely her thing haha. Yay for high school/college friends! The decorations were a bit much because they alerted everyone on the floor to my birthday.

Later that day, I was walking to a meeting when the lights in the room I was approaching suddenly turned off. I was confused, thinking maybe I went to the wrong room. But I opened the door. Several of my coworkers were in the room and surprised me. With a birthday tart and mimosas! It was great! Apparently, everyone was running around trying to get things ready without me noticing. I didn't notice. I'm pretty oblivious. But I also don't assume people will try to celebrate my birthday.

All these surprises. Too much for my heart haha. I appreciate all of these people, especially Matt. What did I do to deserve them? <3 p="">
----

I've spent 97.7% of my 2017 EDM ticket budget. I've decided I won't spend the rest of my budget for the rest of the year.

So my 2017 budget was a success, largely due to the wonderful people I call my friends. I paid for nine shows and events; my friends bought or gave me free tickets to four events (worth just less than 25% of my budget).

1. Crush SF
2. Phutureprimitive
3. Andrew Rayel
4. Anjunabeats
5. Martin Garrix (free)
6. Dreamstate SF day 2 (free)
7. Untz Festival
8. EDC LV
9. Prince Fox
10. RL Grime (free)
11. Seven Lions
12. Illenium
13. Giraffage (free)

It's been an enjoyable year. I've loved sharing it with new and old friends.

----

As for 2018, I've decided to increase my budget by 50%; so EDC won't knock out half of my budget. Just a third :P Hopefully, I won't be as spoiled by my friends because I can pay for some more events.

I almost decided against having another budget, but I really should be saving. Missing out on some events sucks sometimes, but it feels good to know I have money for emergencies. I'm trying to be a responsible adult haha.

I've already paid for two nights of Excision in January, Above & Beyond in March, HTID in April, and EDC LV in May. So I've already exceeded half my budget, but the events are relatively spread out over the first five months. I may end up selling one or two tickets. Right now, I want to go to all of these events for various reasons, but I know my mood changes and I have to keep in mind that there are events at the end of the year that I want to plan for.

We'll see what I decide to do this year.

----

I'm planning to do non-rave things in 2018. Some comedy shows and "normal" concerts for a change. I still need to figure out my travel plans.

Portland and Alaska may go hand in hand; I may visit Vivi again, as well as a couple of other friends; Vivi and I may go to Alaska together. It was just an idea that I threw out there, and she was interested; so fingers crossed. I also really wanna make it out to the East Coast, just so I can say I've been on the other side of the country haha. These two trips will probably be my primary focus, at least to get planning started.

I may also donate bone marrow. I got contacted last week about being a potential match for someone. Thursday, I'll be getting my blood drawn for further testing. I hope I'm a good match. I answered some health questions that I was afraid would disqualify me. Luckily, having tattoos and scoliosis doesn't automatically disqualify me; getting a tattoo within the past year or having had surgery for scoliosis would have. Anyway, I really hope I can donate in whatever way I can. I signed up for the Be The Match registry almost six years ago in college. I didn't think I'd end up being a match for anyone, but this is great ^_^ This would be a memorable addition to my life experiences.

----

For the first time in four years, I'm not attending a rave for NYE. (I said this two years ago but ended up going to Pop NYE haha.) Originally, Matt bought us tickets for Kaskade, but he decided to rearrange his plans for NYE. He offered to let me keep my ticket, but I told him to sell my ticket along with his. I've been spoiled enough with free tickets this year haha.

So I currently do not have any plans to welcome in the new year. I'm not sure what I want to do. I would like to spend it with my family, but my parents go to bed early; so I can spend the day with them, but I can't spend the night hanging out with them.

I think most of my friends will be attending a rave (Resolution, Snowglobe, Countdown, Pop NYE, Kaskade, etc.). So maybe I'll spend NYE with some less close friends. I'll have to start asking around...

----

2018 is less than five weeks away. Whoa.

2017 has been an eventful year so far.

We’re about three-quarters of the way through 2017. There are three months left of the year to enjoy. I feel like I was just on my first flight to Portland a few weeks ago, but that was back in February.

It has been an exciting year, a little different from what I've doing in previous years.

I gave myself a ticket budget for EDM events and have been sticking to it. By the end of this year, I will have only attended eleven events:
Crush SF
Phutureprimitive
Andrew Rayel
Anjunabeats
Martin Garrix (free)
Dreamstate SF day 2 (free)
Untz Festival
EDC LV
Prince Fox
Seven Lions
Illenium

I planned actual travel adventures, and I got to check off several first-time bucket list items:
-Visited Portland (to visit Vivi; first time on a plane by myself; second flight ever)
-Drove on the PCH (first solo road trip)
-Visited Santa Barbara (to see Summer)
-Paid off my car loan (despite not getting credit for it)
-Played paintball (my bruises are still there)
-Visited Seattle and Vancouver, Canada (with Matt)
-Left the US for the first time ever in my life
-Visited San Diego/La Jolla
-Flew over the Pacific Ocean to visit Hawaii

I'm proud of myself for trying some new activities and kinda getting out of my comfort zone.

My ticket budget has been easy to stick to. Though, I should have accounted for the events at the end of the year, like Escape and Countdown. I'm a little disappointed that I won't be attending Escape this year. It's one of my favorite events, and the lineup this year makes me happy. I need a little more Darren Styles in my life. But it's okay. I'm sticking to my budget out of principle haha. What's the point of having a budget if I don't follow it? Because of my budget and finishing my car payments, I've been able to save more than twice as much as I have in the three years before. It's an achievement I'm very proud of.

Traveling has been an overall interesting experience. Mostly rewarding. And eye-opening in unexpected ways. I've come to the conclusion that I am not much of a traveler or adventurer. I am a homebody at heart. But I will continue to travel to push myself out of my comfort zone every so often, to visit friends, and to create memories with my friends. I need to start planning and budgeting for 2018.

----

I don't have many set plans for the rest of 2017. Four more shows in October and November (Oh Wonder, Tegan and Sara, Seven Lions, and Illenium). No travels. Maybe my fourth tattoo, maybe not. I'm just thinking about the cost of a half sleeve or even just a mid-size tattoo with color. Hmm... It would be wiser to save the money.

Maybe I'll try to knock out some other bucket list items instead. I should look at my list and see what I can fit in.

----

As for 2018, I have ideas of what I would like to do for the year.

I have just over a year until I will cut my hair. October 17, 2018. I look forward to this day. I feel like this next year is gonna feel slow because I want to cut my hair. Depending on how I feel about my hair at the time, after I cut off the hair I'm donating, I may either keep a short cut (pixie?) or shave everything again haha. So many choices. I can't wait to free my head of the weight haha.

In terms of EDM events, I haven't decided if I will follow another strict budget. I make a little more money now than I did when I created this year's budget. I also don't have car payments anymore. I'm not really saving my money for anything other than to save. But I don't know which direction my job is really going in. I don't know if I'll continue to make as much as I do now. I feel like I should prepare for the worst, even though I may be worrying myself over nothing.

Anyway, what seems to be certain is EDC LV in May. Fifth year with slightly cooler temperatures? Why not? I can't seem to say no haha. And it seems the rave fam wants to go. The less certain festivals are Untz, Electric Forest, and Escape.

Untz Festival is at the beginning of June again, but the festival and parking passes altogether will be at least $30 more than the previous two years. It will also be two weeks after EDC. I don't recover as quickly as I used to; so I don't know if this would be a good idea haha.

Electric Forest at the end of June or beginning of July is also appealing. I've skipped it every time for EDC because of timing and cost. This year, since EDC is a month earlier, there would be little conflict in timing and budget for EF. But I wouldn't have a rave fam to go with.

Also, 10 year high school reunion will be June 30. Gotta think about that too. I can't wait to see my old classmates haha. I can't believe it's already been nine years since I've seen most of them.

Potential travel plans for 2018 include Lake Tahoe, Portland, Colorado, Chicago (Lollapalooza?), East Coast (New York and DC), and London. I want to apply for Global Entry if I do decide to visit London. I want to make my travels as simple and easy as possible. I also kinda feel like 2018 will be my last travel year if I do follow through with these plans. After next year, maybe I'll just travel once or twice a year if at all. Traveling is exhausting; my goals for traveling is just to exist in a new place. Goals have been achieved. It feels good. But I think I'm a bit of a boring travel partner because everyone else enjoys exploring. I just wanna know what it feels like to be a lazy local haha. People-watching in foreign places is awesome.

If I go back to Hawaii, I'm gonna check out Kauai instead of Honolulu and Waikiki. I've been told it's one of the best places for introverts. And I think I would enjoy it very much.

When spring starts next year, I'll finally go whale-watching, skydiving, and riding in a hot air balloon. I say this, but who knows if I'll follow through? I just need to make legit plans and set things into motion.

----

My family is doing all right. Health is holding out. Relations are a little strained. Emotions and moods could be better. But that's nothing new. There had been talks of change in terms of actions and living situations, but everything is still pretty much as it was a year ago. I guess we're maintaining course.

Hmm, I should plan next year with my family and future in mind. Retirement and pre-school costs. So many things to think about.

----

I live a very fortunate life. I live in the US, I am relatively healthy, I have a job that pays me enough to live a comfortable life, and I have the ability to make decisions that contribute to a more fortunate future. I am grateful for the cards I have been dealt.

Sometimes, I'm torn between feeling grateful and feeling undeserving. But I can only move forward and contribute as much good as I can into the world, even if it feels inconsequential. I must try.

Halfway through 2017

I didn't stick to everything I said I would do this year. Oh well.

I didn't go to CRSSD or Beyond So Cal. My generous friends paid for my Sunday ticket for Dreamstate SF, and I did go to EDC Las Vegas for the fourth time but with just Matt (and Ant and Christina) and had an amazing time. I dipped out early the first and third nights though. Regrets. Oh well. Gotta listen to my body when it's telling me to rest.

EDC ate up more than half of my ticket budget for the year. About $120 left to spend for the last six months. It's cool though. While the fomo kinda sucks, I'm feeling all right with my music decisions. More money toward traveling, yay!

I visited Vivi in Portland in February, and that was mostly fun. A weekend in the life of Vivi. I learned a lot and was amazed by how many luscious, green trees there were. Pace of life is definitely much more chill than the Bay Area. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was going too fast haha. It was a nice change for sure. I gotta go back and explore.

Santa Barbara in March was great; I spent some time with Summer, who was my Untz buddy last year. Year 2 of Untz was even better. Summer brought a group of her friends, and we caravanned to Mariposa. All the underground bass music we could handle.

I made a couple of not-so-great decisions in Santa Barbara and again at Untz. Anxiety and paranoia have been miserable friends since, and it's been a slow and agonizing process to learn how to cope. But I'm doing it. Properly? I'm not sure. I still need to find a therapist.

But hey, I finally went to the dentist after almost six years. My teeth are pretty darn healthy, but I brush too hard. So I've been practicing gentle brushing haha.

Anyway, back to traveling. Matt and I flew to Seattle and took a train to Vancouver during Fourth of July weekend. That was exciting. First time in Seattle, first time on Amtrak (I think), and definitely my first time out of the US. Lots of new experiences and plenty of delicious food.

We had dinner at the restaurant at the top of the Space Needle. That was the most expensive dinner I had ever eaten or paid for. $50 minimum per person. I understand why it's so costly, but it's ridiculous. We got a great view of Seattle though on the observation deck. Then Matt's friend Jonathan picked us up to take us to Capitol Hill to check out Purr and R Place. I just sat along the wall and chilled.

MoPOP was fascinating; so much pop culture knowledge in one location. A lot of familiar movies and TV shows, but I probably noticeably reacted to a handful of exhibits. Afterward, we walked through Pike Place Market, but it was too crowded for my comfort. So we walked to Moon's Kitchen. Delicious.

The train ride to Vancouver was nice. Although, I do recall being mooned by a man and woman on a beach at some point. That was... different. When we arrived in Vancouver, there was a fireworks show happening near our hotel because it was Canada Day. The whole weekend was a celebration; so it was cool to see Canadians celebrate all weekend, while I knew my friends back home were celebrating Independence Day weekend as well.

We had to take a taxi to our hotel from the train station, but it took a while since all of the taxis were picking people up near the fireworks show. We probably got to the hotel after midnight. The hotel upgraded our room to a suite. So fancy. 4 times the amount we paid. I could have spent my whole vacation in that room if I hadn't already paid to do things outside of it haha.

Waking up late the next day, we walked to Heritage Asian Eatery. The name made us a little doubtful, but the food surprised us. Very satisfying meal. After a bit of rest, we took the SkyTrain to the Richmond Night Market. Again, surprised. So many Asians. So much good food. Matt and I left the market with adorable plushies. I now have a six-limbed octopus that has a mustache, top hat, and monocle haha.

We checked out Davie Street because why not? Gay night life on a Sunday. Ended up at The Pumpjack Pub >.> interesting name. Had a beer and didn't do much.

Our last day in Vancouver, we took a seabus and a regular bus to Capilano Suspension Bridge Park. Beautiful and calming place, too many children. The suspension bridge itself scared me at first because it felt like it was trying to buck me off. But I managed to find a rhythm to the movement haha.

We had our last meal in North Vancouver at Mr. Sushi. So worth the money. They don't overdo it with the rice. So I actually managed to finish two full rolls along with one piece from one of Matt's rolls.

The train ride back to Seattle was a bit irritating. We arrived at the station at 5:30am, an hour before departure. The train was late. We waited in line to get our seat assignments. But that line didn't open until 6:30. Fortunately, Canadian customs was quick. I think our train departed over an hour late. US customs on the train was much quicker than I expected; so that was nice. Still, we got to Seattle with no time to eat. Jonathan picked us up and dropped us off at the airport. Then we were back haha.

We spent the rest of our day hanging out at Cat's with Ant, Bella, Kim (Cat's coworker), and Amenda. Good day :)


I didn't mean to say so much about my vacation, but it's there now.

We're still planning to go to Hawaii in September for Matt's birthday. Everything has been bought. Activities just need to be planned.

No other set plans for now. Going to try to make time to visit Shiva in So Cal before the summer is over.


Oh, I applied for an open position on another team at work and got it. I've been learning new things at work for the past three months. I was hoping taking on this new role and more responsibilities would increase my interest in work, but it didn't. Oh well. I'm still learning, and I've been doing pretty well in my new role. I'm happy with that.


----

I've been re-evaluating my life a lot. Thinking about the overall journey, the adventures and misadventures, luck and misfortune, wonderful help and terrible advice, good and bad decisions. Not sure how I'm feeling about it all.

I've been feeling disconnected from people again. I think I've been putting myself around so many people so frequently that it's taking a toll on me.

Maybe I just need to change a few small things in my life. Get a fresh perspective or something. I'm gonna try to rearrange my bedroom tomorrow. Maybe that will help.

I'm so averse to change, but I know I need it sometimes.


I don't know what I'm doing for the rest of the year, but I need to start making more plans. I still want to do something other than rave. I also just wanna feel like I'm getting my life right, whatever that means.

----

There is a cat in my room at the moment. I should attend to her before she rips up my bed sheets.

Rave life chose me.

I've been going to events for more than three years now. Each subsequent year has found me attending more events than the previous. I thought I would slow down, but that didn't happen. Until now.

The rave scene has changed a lot. Granted, people who've been doing this longer than I have have seen way more changes. But I, for one, have started to feel jaded and nostalgic. It's only been three years.

I still want to enjoy the music. I was never really one to connect with the people at events, but I feel more disconnected now than ever. Countdown changed that a bit. I felt more connected than I usually do. It was a nice change. It reminded me of why I started and continued to rave in the first place. I can't quite explain it because I'm not sure I really understand what happened. Everything just seemed to flow together a little better at Countdown than at Escape or even Dreamstate So Cal.

Anyway, there wasn't really a point to that. I just wanted to put the thought down.

I come to the same realization over and over again. I've spent a lot of my income on raving. It's an expensive hobby that requires travel, lodging, food, etc. And lots and lots of rest and recovery. Would I change any of it and spend my money more wisely? Probably not. I've gained a lot of experiences and memories, both wonderful and terrifying, which have helped me grow, learn, and see the world in a different light.

But the sheer amount of money I've spent is mind-boggling to say the least. I never saw myself as a big spender. I still don't. But my bank account would beg to differ. Yeah, I've met people who spent more on a handful of raves than I have in my entire three-year adventure. But for me to throw money at raves so easily, that idea would have baffled me just five years ago.

I guess getting my first job just opened up all these opportunities, and the inner wild child that never experienced much got to do what she wanted to do. And she's been having a hell of a time.

Of course, life catches up sometimes to remind me that I have responsibilities or that I should start thinking about the future a little more carefully. I'm still having trouble doing that, but I'm taking baby steps. I have goals (who would've thought?). Long-term and short-term. Trying to find a balance. Trying to figure out where my priorities lie, how selfish I should be, when I'll make things happen. And these goals keep changing and rearranging haha.

I'm trying to be more thoughtful, while still putting myself first. It's hard not to feel like I'm not doing enough, but I don't even know what enough is. All I can really focus on now is surviving in the Bay, working, helping my family when they need it, and not losing my mind trying to do all this. Mental health issues don't help much, but for now I'm dealing with it. Granted, I've not talked to a doctor about it. Really, I haven't been to a doctor in quite some time. At least a year. I know I'm paying for it, but I'm not utilizing it. I really should, especially if the government is planning to gut the ACA soon :/

Anyway, I'm trying to find new hobbies and rediscover old ones. Trying to ease the financial weight of my current hobby haha. Also, trying to promote self-care. My friend Matt had a conversation with me recently because he was worried about me. It brought to light a lot of issues I've been having and running from. Nothing new. Just stuff that's always been there, that I've fought and struggled with successfully and unsuccessfully. It's a cycle that I often find myself in.

I feel like my thoughts are going in circles now haha. I'm just trying to find some peace, calm, confidence, and a stronger sense of self. Raving used to help me with that, and then it didn't. Now it's kinda helping again. But I gotta make sure I don't go overboard with it. And I want to find other things and activities to help too.

For now, I'm still a little stuck on that. I'm getting back into my sudoku puzzles haha. Been trying to get back into reading, but I'm struggling with that. I'm not sure why. Otherwise, I'm still flipping through ideas for hobbies. What makes it hard is I get more anxiety being around strangers nowadays, which is so funny because I go raving only to be surrounded by strangers all the time. But yeah, I'm trying to work with that. Hence, the solo activities for now. Eventually, I'll hopefully venture out into the world more.

2017... I'm going to travel. Well, I'll try. No EDC. The three times I've left California were to go to EDC Las Vegas. I must go elsewhere.

First up, Portland! I know three friends up there. I can fly! Now, I know I'm okay on a plane after flying back home after Dreamstate. Hoping I can deal with airports on my own... Must book flights soon...

I also want to visit Seattle just because. I want to visit my friend Summer in Santa Barbara; I've never driven down the PCH, and so I look forward to this. Also going to visit a couple of other folks sprinkled about the US. Matt wants to go to Hawaii for his birthday; so that may be a trip I'm planning to do too. I just read a blog about how a guy travelled across the US by train for a couple hundred dollars. That also sounds intriguing.

Travel plans are a reason I want to cut back on raving. Another important one is family. Rough times right now. I feel like I should be ready to help financially. Although, I don't have that much to my name. I should still have something available in case of emergency.

I feel like a bad person. I say I want to help, but I also want to do all these fun things. I am not sure how to reconcile. I'm just moving forward with my plans and hoping that I'm doing right by myself and others.

----

In any case, my 2017 rave ticket budget is $850. I'd do a more detailed budget, but I think budgeting for just tickets is limiting enough haha.

So far, so good. Despite all the temptation, I have only spent a total of $160 for Crush SF in February and Untz Festival in June haha. I think by this time last year, I was set to go to five or six events by the end of March XD

I'm now trying to decide what one or two events I may add between February and June.

CRSSD: March 4-5 in San Diego, a city I have never visited. I like the lineup. Lots of small names I wanna see. About $165. Need to think about travel and lodging.
Beyond So Cal: March 25-26 in San Bernardino, which I've travelled to many times. Still waiting for the lineup. About $190. Travel and lodging can be booked through Insomniac.
Dreamstate: May 27-28 in SF, which I'm fairly familiar with. Won't know the lineup for a while. But this would be the cheapest choice. Usually about $150. Basic commute to SF. Although, it would also be the weekend before Untz. How much energy would I have?

I want to consider Shaky Beats in Atlanta because their lineup is amazing, but my math puts this event way over my budget, especially if I'm trying to spread out my events through the year. I'm also reminding myself that it's not the end of the world if I don't attend all these events. I was fine before I knew they existed. I must not give power to the fomo.

----

First world problems? Yeah, I know... <.<;;

Weekend of Destiny

I spent this past Friday and Saturday experiencing many new things. First inaugural festival. First small festival. First time really camping. First time going to a festival with a stranger (so it was almost like a solo trip). First time making strong connections with folks on my own. First time spending most of festival sitting down and still enjoying everything haha.

The Untz Festival. Top-notch everything. People, venue, production, music, atmosphere, everything.

Initially, I was planning to go completely solo. No idea with lodging or transportation. But in April, I decided to post on the Facebook event page to see anyone would adopt me into their group for the weekend. This wonderful stranger named Summer from SB replied to say she was going solo as well and offered to share her tent with me. And so the start of adventure was in the making.

I picked up Summer from the Greyhound stop at the Caltrain station early in the morning on Friday. We spent some time in downtown getting her coffee and getting food supplies from Safeway. Also, I was trying so damn hard to find a restroom to use. Nothing open before 9. Flames came through and let me use the restroom without having to buy anything haha. Thank goodness. Anyway...

Mariposa County Fairgrounds. Such a beautiful place. It only took about 2.5 hours to get there from San Jose. We set up camp in one of the pavilions and greeted some neighbors. Dusty, but not too bad. I think this was also the first time I've brought so much stuff with me. Not used to it. Used to hotels providing enough that I only bring one or two bags. Oh, but the heat. So hot. I was dying during the day (99 degrees! Low-80s at 9AM. Survived off of watermelon slushy drinks and caffeinated beverages). But luckily, the day stages, Half Dome and El Capitan, had canopies or mesh cover thingies (I really don't know what they're called). The night stages, Matterhorn and Glacier Point, were indoors and farther away from the main camping areas. All beautiful and unique setups. Initially, I thought the stages and screens were really small. But when the visuals came on, I was so blown away.

Hippie/gypsy vibes were new to me, but they grew on me and I loved it. People were so weird but so friendly; I mean, people have been nice at the other events I've attended, but the friendliness and atmosphere here were something else. Summer and I met several folks, whom we continued to run into throughout the weekend. Nate first (SF) and his friend Claire. Summer's new rave bae Zach and his friends Eric and Derek, all from 2 hours north of Seattle. All sorts of weirdness ensued. I loved it all. And I'm so grateful that everyone I met didn't mind that I was a follower haha. Too nervous to explore on my own. Maybe next year.

I came in only knowing of a handful of the artists (mostly of the melodic bass genre). I left, knowing there are so much more I want to listen to. Every set I heard was fantastic. All the funk and psychedelic music, I've listened to but never preferred. I still don't think I prefer them, but I have a newfound appreciation for the music. And I would definitely check out more events that feature these types of music. My top sets of the weekend (I'm not even sure I know how to rank them): Said The Sky (great first set to start the weekend), Illenium, Phutureprimitive, Bass Physics, Sugarbeats, Sixis, and Mystral. I listened to Desert Dwellers' set yesterday at work because Summer and I missed their set to nap. (Second time she's missed their set; so I say third time will be the charm.)

Summer and I kept joking that Destiny was on our side all weekend. I don't really believe in fate or destiny. But everything just seemed to fall together so well throughout the weekend. So this weekend became the Weekend of Destiny. Haha because she found rave bae, I got to sleep in our tent by myself both nights XD No complaints. A little lonely, but it was all good. Plenty of self-care and introspection time for myself.

I came into this festival not knowing or expecting anything. Well, okay, I kinda expected to be overwhelmed and not have that great of a time because this was a new festival and I didn't know how my introverted nature would affect my experience. I was very much introverted this weekend, but it didn't prevent me from fully enjoying myself. The friends I made were fucking wonderful, and no one made me feel like a loser for not "fully immersing" myself in the camaraderie. I got to do what I wanted to do without feeling like anyone would judge me for not doing it their way; and I often feel like people would judge me at other events I've gone to. But not at Untz. I was sitting for much of the weekend and not dancing much. But I was totally enjoying every second.

I hope the Untz Festival comes back because I will definitely go again. There is a chance it might not; the turnout was really low. So low that there really weren't any lines for anything, not the vendors, not the restrooms, not the showers. So low that, even at the most packed sets, there was so much room to dance directly in front of the stage. So low there was enough space for all of the flow artists to do their thing in the crowd. People gave space where it was needed. Last time I saw that was at Dreamstate SF, a trance event. I'm so used to people shoving me out of the way otherwise. At Untz, everyone was really nice and courteous :) All such beautiful people, even if I didn't talk to many of them haha.

Oh, just remembered, Summer and I got little chips of abalone shells and Pokemon cards from someone named Mikey. I got Clefable, and Summer got Cofagrigus (never heard of this one before haha). Not big on Pokemon, but it was still very exciting haha.

So much happened this past weekend, but I'm blanking on specifics. I was hoping that writing this entry would jog my memory, but it's not haha. Overall though, this was just an eye-opening and mind-blowing experience. One I didn't think I would ever experience. I mean, I thought EDC was great the first time, but Untz was something else entirely. And to think, I was sober for most of it haha. (Alcohol was cheap though.)

If this happens again, I'm definitely camping. Also definitely gonna try to bring someone with me. If not, well hopefully everyone I met will reunite at the next ^_^

----

I have EDC next week. And I'm already wondering how it will compare to Untz. I've been to EDC twice, and it's been a great experience. But I haven't experienced anything like what I had at the Untz. The EDC crowdedness is gonna get to me for sure. The restrooms won't be the same; they'll be port-a-potties >.< But I'm not gonna let this shit get in the way of my enjoyment. As much as I didn't want to go to EDC this year, I really am looking forward to reuniting with a lot of friends this time around. The past two years, EDC was just for the music; I barely met up with people. This year, music is still important, but I've got so many friends to reconnect with!

So many more festivals I want to go to. I might be adding a couple more to this year >.> All the moneys will be gone... Must pace and save somehow... But Shambhala though... Ahhh. If not this year, maybe next year, the 20th anniversary haha. Hmm...

So much partying.

I've gone to at least 12 EDM events this year, excluding tour shows and club events (these are even more numerous); I have two major events left this year, Escape So Cal and Give Thanks. Because I am adamant about paying off my car and cutting back on the partying next year, I'm trying to figure out which events I'll let myself go to in 2016.

So far, I've decided on:
January: Dreamstate SF
September: Beyond Wonderland Bay Area
December: Snowglobe or Decadence CO

This upcoming NYE (3 months away!), I'm gonna do something low-key. I just want a change in pace. Also need to start cutting back, so NYE will be a good starting point. Maybe...

Anyway, back to 2016. I've bought my ticket for EDC's 20th anniversary. So have many members of my rave fam. I'm not sure I want to go. But it is the 20th anniversary. Also the first EDC for quite a few friends. But I also have that stipulation that I wouldn't go unless I was dating someone who wanted to go; I don't think I'll be dating anyone who wants to go haha. What to do? Do I really want to go to Las Vegas a third time? No, not really. But EDC with the whole rave fam... One more time could be worth it.

I also want to go to Electric Forest in Michigan, which is basically right after EDC. It could be an either or situation. Or I could say "screw it" and go to both. I just want to attend a festival outside of California and Nevada haha. Preferably somewhere cooler. I mean, how awesome would it be to dance in the cold? I have no idea, but I want to know. I also just wanna know what it's like to dance in a more natural, green environment instead of a paved dust bowl XD haha.

If I somehow am convinced to go to EDC again, I might try to marathon through to Electric Forest. Depends on how I budget and plan things and how my job situation goes. I could also put off Electric Forest one more year. But if I end up skipping EDC, I think I will definitely be found in the forest in June.


Why am I cutting back? I dunno. I've been going out way too much; it doesn't feel normal to stay in on the weekends anymore, and that's pretty scary. I also want to save money and energy to pay off my car and do other interesting things. I want to find new hobbies. I'm also getting a little bored because these events are almost starting to feel routine; cutting back would probably make these events feel more special again. I'm feeling a little more and more out of place every time I go to an event because I still don't really make new friends. And the body pains are getting worse every time I dance; I used to be able to dance for at least five hours before the back and knee pain set in, but now I barely last an hour or two.

I'd also like to know I have self-control haha. When I say I will or will not do something, I want to keep my word. Really, I just want to have fun doing other things. Free up my weekends to do things I've been wanting to do. Bucket list has been neglected. Must go skydiving and shooting at a range. Want to catch up with a lot of friends.

I also need to learn how to not feel like I'm missing out on things when I don't attend events with my friends. I have to remind myself that I'm not being left behind. I'm just opting to not go.


I know I'm not the same person I was two years ago. I'm a party animal :P But I kinda feel like becoming a non-party animal again, except not. I think I want my default state to be homebody; party animal should be an optional state. It would definitely save me money and energy. Ugh. Energy. I don't recharge as quickly as I used to. I'm getting old.

I just simply want to enjoy life and what it has to offer. I suppose, at the moment, I am conflicted about what part of life I should enjoy. I feel like I've enjoyed enough partying over the past two years. Time to tone it down and enjoy some other facet of life? We'll see what happens.

I finally set foot outside of California.

This past weekend was the first time I took a vacation after entering the workforce :P And it was amazing.

First time leaving California. First time on a road trip with multiple friends (Matt C, Tuan T, Ray C, and Kevin R). First time in Las Vegas. First time at EDC. First Ferris wheel ride. First time listening to a live set by myself. A bunch of firsts.

Some unfortunate things happened. Long drive to LV Thursday night to Friday morning made us all very tired for the start of EDC. Missed a few DJs I really wanted to see. Missed several meet-ups with friends because of terrible cell phone reception and lack of Internet/Wi-Fi. But overall, a good weekend. Tried the buffets at Caesar's Palace and the Bellagio. Had In-N-Out a couple of times. Got stuck in traffic going from the hotel to the Speedway, but interacted with fellow attendees along the way. Drained all my energy from being around 400k+ people--too many people, but great energy. But too many. I think my body went into shock from the amount of people that were there haha. Pretty sure I fell asleep the first night in the stands at 3 in the morning.

Full DJ sets that I experienced: Cedric Gervais, Hardwell, Armin van Buuren, Gareth Emery, Kaskade, Tiesto, Andrew Rayel, Mat Zo (by myself), Above & Beyond, Axwell /\ Ingrosso, Tommy Trash (missed the ending), Dash Berlin (last time).

Partial DJ sets: Madeon, Orjan Nilsen, Astrix, Paul Oakenfold.

Missed DJ sets: 3LAU, Dyro & Dannic, Cazzette, Sander van Doorn, Bingo Players, R3hab, Alesso, Paul van Dyk.
I will experience their all live sets eventually.

I wish I could have recorded everything that happened, but it was just a very tiring weekend. I got very little sleep or food. Just tried my best to enjoy everything in the moment it happened.

After EDC, I slept from 4PM Monday to 8:30AM Tuesday. I woke up and felt amazing haha. The drive back to SJ was much better than the drive from there. I was awake for most of it. Plenty of energy until I reached home.

Anyway, after this experience, I was perfectly fine not coming back to Vegas or attending EDC again. It could remain a one-time experience, and I would be fine with that. But my friends want to go again. So I'll probably go again next year too :P Maybe I'll get to see all the DJs I missed this time. We'll also be better prepared. Less exhaustion hopefully.

Can't wait!

Kina Grannis at the Rickshaw Stop: Awkward and Adorable

It's been a wonderful night...

I bought tickets to Kina's show as soon as I could. 9:05AM on Mother's birthday, right when my first break started. So much excitement. Bought a ticket for myself and another for a friend.

A few days ago, that friend had to cancel because of work. So I asked around on Facebook. Another friend wanted to go and said he was free to go.

Today came. Second friend had to cancel because of work as well. Resort to Facebook again.

Last-minute invites on a Friday night. Never easy. Nobody was free. Decided to sell the extra ticket. I could go alone. I was originally planning to anyway.

Last-minute changes in plan. Ash could go! :D


The bouncer at the club recognized me from Gameboi. Why? Because of my hat of course :P It's always the hat. You know the hat.

Ash tried and failed to take selfies of us XD It's ok. I don't take photos anyway. And we spent a lot of time laughing because we kept overhearing other folks' conversations. The things people say in public... I dunno haha. It's all good though.

Imaginary Future was the opening act. I love his music too. I don't listen to it enough. I should. I was singing along to his songs. He didn't play enough songs.

Maybe it's just me and my perception, but it didn't look like anyone else was singing along with his music >: nor was anyone else singing along with Kina's new songs. I felt like I was the only one. Because I looked around pretty often. People were just standing and listening. I don't think I could do that. I always feel a need to move with the music and sing along. Or maybe hum along.

Oh, and tall people. So many tall people. But it's ok. Their tallness did not impede my ability to enjoy the music haha.

So I was singing along to every song Kina sang :) As soon as her album released this past Tuesday, I started listening to it immediately. Have been listening to it since. I know most if not all the lyrics to her songs. I was compulsive about knowing the lyrics.

In between some songs, Kina gave explanations or backgrounds for certain songs. And I just thought, "Oh hey, I remember her saying this on her album stream." Each time she'd talk about a song, I knew what song she was going to play next XD (I think I'm a little obsessed, but it's healthy, I'm sure.) Her story for "Little Worrier" made me laugh because I could kinda relate. All that worrying builds up, you know. "Forever Blue" got me in the heart space a bit; it just made me think of Earl, Milton, Ton, and Rahul. I thought of family, of my mom losing her father, of loss itself. I feel you, Kina; that song, I feel it.

Her onstage presence was awkwardly adorable. She pointed out all these awkward things about herself, and it just made everyone smile and laugh. I liked that because it shows that she's not just a performer; she's also herself. And that's exactly what I needed to see tonight. At this point in my life. I don't know how to explain it. I just needed to see it for myself.

So I'm pretty sure she played every song on her new album, except I can't remember "Write It in the Sky" at all. Did my brain just completely shut off during that song...? <.<;; It's one of my favorite songs >.< ... Haha what am I saying? They're all my favorites.

Kina had a meet-and-greet at the end of the show, but Ash and I didn't stay. The line was super long. And my foot had started hurting--twisted my ankle on Wednesday while helping Claudia move; darn grass-hidden holes -w-;; I couldn't continue standing any longer. So we left. I was sad, but it's ok.

It's not that I'm missing a chance to meet a celebrity. I don't see her as a celebrity or even a Youtube celebrity. I just see her as someone who seems interesting, talented, and genuine, who found her platform via Youtube. Lucky for us fans that she did find that medium. Anyway, I really just want to meet her in person and give her a hug. Because I have no words to describe or explain how her music resonates with me. I don't want to say cliche things because, while I mean them, they're not the words I'm looking for. They don't really express what I feel. I just want to hug her and hope that that hug translates well how I feel about her and her music.


In conclusion, I just want to meet and get to know genuine people haha. No, no. The conclusion is I think I had a blast tonight and I wish it could have lasted longer. But I am for sure planning to attend the next Kina performance in the Bay Area. And I am determined to meet her. Not for an autograph or a photo. But for that hug. And just to know people like her exist and I can meet them.

Zedd

I attended the Zedd show at the Fox Theater last night with Matt and his friend, Alex T. We had a blast! So much fun! Ahhh! Zelda mix was a big highlight of the night :) Did not know that Zedd had that. Wonderful surprise for Matt and me haha.

The three of us got to the show probably ten minutes before Zedd got on stage. Left San Jose too late. Missed the two openers. Oh well. Paid for Zedd. Got Zedd. All good.

Afterward, we went to Quickly in Milpitas for boba. Good stuff. Tasted amazing after all that music and dancing.


Sorry for the choppiness. Rushing to get ready to leave for work in 3 minutes hahaha. Just wanted to add this entry so that I don't forget that I attended the show haha. Can't wait for future EDM events :D Matt and I, we're gonna do it. Gonna save up what we can for some fun times to come.

First Week at Randstad.

It's been a good week at work. I'm quickly getting the hang of the work. It's very simple and very quick. I'm hoping it's improving my searching and skimming abilities haha. The coworkers that I work near are mostly Filipino, very chill folks. They've helped me learn quite a bit. It's getting easier in some parts and a little more confusing in others as I do more work, but it's all good. I'll get used to it. I'm progressing pretty well. And I'd probably be near the top of the list of operators if other people weren't giving me false negatives >:

So the gist of the operation without revealing too much, if I could actually do that: We tag things with labels on computers. Obviously, there's nothing that actually tells us if they're correctly labeled. So the system randomly chooses three operators' answers, and majority rules. It's a relatively quick and efficient system. You know, two or three people independently agreeing on an answer are more likely to be correct than one person. So, when it's a 2-agree-1-disagree situation, the 1 loses percentage in accuracy, and someone above us checks the images to determine where the 1 made a mistake. So far, I've been the 1 in four 2-1 situations. One situation is still unknown because we can't look at it yet, but it's likely to be similar to the rest. But the other three "mistakes" I've gotten have been false negatives for me, meaning that I was actually correct in what I tagged and the other two operators were not. However, we can't change what's been tagged, and so my score remains unaffected by the discoveries. So while the answers that the system has randomly selected from me have all been correct, my accuracy score is in the red >.< So sad.

Thankfully, scores only represent how well I'm doing on a two-week rolling basis, meaning scores change every day after the first two weeks of work because the two-week period is different the next day. So hopefully, eventually I'll be in the green or at least the yellow. Not happy about the red. It's not even my fault ;-; My almost-perfectionist side weeps.

I hope this made some kind of sense. I'm not supposed to reveal confidential info about work obviously, so a vague job description should be all right, yeah?

Though I'm complaining (but not really, because I hardly think about the scores), overall the job is great. Simple and quick. Great, friendly coworkers. Free drinks, free snacks, and maybe thirty microwaves in the food space. I can listen to my music. I sing along with my music to keep my energy level up. There's no real rush other than finishing tasks quickly--it's all timed. Very relaxed atmosphere. So relaxed people have a tendency of falling asleep. I thought I would fall asleep yesterday, but I didn't. While I was super tired, I didn't feel like I was gonna fall asleep, so that was good. I actually had very high productivity yesterday, surprising...


Thursday night, I had gone to (the new Club Fuz) Club Hashtag's grand opening to watch Ariane perform with her dance crew :) I got lost twice trying to find my way to the club because it's been a year and a half since I was last there and I had never driven there myself, only driven drunk friends home from there. Had to text and ask Matt for directions. I went by myself this time because friends had to cancel and other friends didn't feel like going. It was cool though because I just hung out with Ariane backstage until it was time for her to perform. Neither of us actually felt like dancing haha. Main Stacks and VIPSJ performed. I enjoyed VIP's performance way more. More attitude, I guess. More something else too, but I can't think of the word. But I guess I might be biased since that's Ariane's crew :P

Went straight home to bed after watching the performance and giving Ariane a "You're awesome!" hug haha. It's been a long time since I've seen her perform. Maybe nine or ten months ago. Too long ago. And soon she's gonna be in LA, pursuing her dreams. When will I get to see her then? >: We haven't seen each other much in the past few years. Thursday night was probably the first time in years where the two of us just hung out. We usually only see each other when other people come back from school and invite us to things. Sad because we both stayed in San Jose. But busy lives and busy schedules... I've known Ariane the longest out of all my friends outside of family friends. It's been eleven years. It's crazy. Didn't think I would ever know someone for more than a handful of years. I'm happy she's got something to be passionate about and to pursue. I hope she gets where she wants to go, and I hope in a few years I get to tell strangers "Eyyy! That's my friend! She's awesome!" haha.


I'm getting overly sentimental right now. Just spent some time reading friends' old LiveJournal entries hahaha. Oh man, comparing the things that we talked about back then to the things we talk about now, it's so different yet not. Read some of those "Answer these questions honestly"/"Bold the things that are true" questionnaires and laughed like crazy. We were pretty innocent and inexperienced back then; if I did one of those now, I would be able to cross off "Passed out drunk," "Can drive," "Have a best friend," "Have fallen in love," and "Want kids in the future." I'm all grown up now hahaha.


Ok, I'm going to sleep early :D Going to Carmel with Albert and some others tomorrow morning. Gonna be fun. Haven't seen them all in a while. (I think I say this about every friend I hang out with.)

Headache, Coffee, Restlessness

Why did I start feeling pain the day before I go dancing? -_-

I went through all of yesterday with major lower back pain and a major headache. Made it difficult to sleep.

This morning, I decided to have some coffee to help relieve my headache. It worked; the headache seems to have mostly gone away. But now, I feel slightly jittery and restless -_- Not too much, but I don't like it.

My back ache seems to have gone away too.

I hope my pains stay away for tonight. I'm going to be so sad if my headache comes back. I wouldn't be able to withstand the music at the club T-T

Anyway, I can't wait for tonight. Dancing at Cockblock. With a bunch of people that I haven't gone dancing with in a long time or at all. Haven't gone clubbing with Harrison since sometime in the beginning of this year. Haven't gone dancing with Shiva since last December. Vivi and I have technically gone into a club together recently. Ran into Karishma the first time I ever went dancing. Never been dancing with Jen or Mai. And then the other people who are going are people I've never met.

Hopefully, tonight shall be a good night. I'm so excited :D

Blah. My brain. Can't keep thinking too much or else my headache is gonna come back T-T I need a massage.

Recent realizations...

Just wanted to put some random thoughts and whatevers down somewhere before I forgot:

+ I haven't been to a concert in over two years. I've been talking to people about concerts they've been to. I didn't know what concerts I would look forward to. I've seen Linkin Park, Hoobastank, POD, Three Days Grace, Blue October, and Owl City perform. Fun stuff back then. Now I don't really care. Or I don't know which music artists to care about. After some thinking and listening, I'd have to say I would want to see Mutemath in concert. I've been listening to them ever since I found them on Myspace back in high school. A departure from all the angry music I listened to when I was younger. Not necessarily happy-go-lucky music, but just really good music that makes me feel good haha. I dunno. Just something about their sound, their voices, and just everything that gets to me. Something in their music that moves me.

I looked up their touring schedule. They'll be at the Shoreline in September on the Honda Civic Tour with Linkin Park and Incubus. I'm assuming Mutemath will be an opener. I'd like to see them perform, but I don't particularly want to see the headliners, which is funny because I wouldn't have said this about two or three years ago. I used to love LP and Incubus. I still enjoy their old music, but I know nothing about their new stuff. But anyway, Mutemath haha. Their headlining tour starts a little after the Shoreline date, except they're not coming back to the Bay ;-; So... sad.

+ I'm the happiest I have been in a long time. Happy as in I don't fall back to dark thoughts when times get tough. I'm getting better at not letting my situations pull me down to a level where I feel helpless. I don't feel as helpless as I used to. I feel like I can actually do things for myself. Slowly but surely :)

+ I'm talking back to my mom more often now. Though, I'm not really sure if it's talking back. It could just be me learning how to stand up for myself against my mom. I regress here and there, but I'm starting to defend myself. It scares me. But I'm doing it. I can't say I'm doing it properly because I don't know what that would be. But I'm finding myself to be a little more honest with her. Not about everything because I know I can't handle that. I don't think she could either.

I'm shaking my head haha. She wants honesty, but she'll stop listening when she doesn't like what she hears. So I might as well just not be that honest. She wants me to be an adult and be responsible for myself. Yet, she won't let me make my own decisions and take responsibility for those decisions. She wants me to be a people person, but she doesn't want me to go out and interact with people because they could negatively influence or harm me. She wants me to live a good life, but she won't let me go make my life happen. What she says and what she does don't coincide. I'm finding that it's getting harder to really listen to her.

+ I want to leave San Jose. I've lived here my whole life. I've never lived anywhere else, and I don't even know half this city. The farthest I've been from home is somewhere around LA, and that lasted less than a week. Before, I contented myself with the thought of staying here for the rest of my life. I didn't leave SJ for college, even though I had wanted to (but still with the thought of coming back). Even now, after graduating from SJSU, I still haven't left. But it's more of a money problem than a mental tether to the city or family. The tether is there, but it doesn't feel that strong. Family has kept me here. But now, family is the reason I want to leave. I need that break I've always wanted. Leaving SJ would be that break. The breaking of the tether.

Where will I go? I don't know yet. But I will go. It will be an act of letting go, something I am constantly working on.

+ D is my hero. I always thought I didn't look up to anyone. No aspirations. No motivation. No one inspired me. I had no hero. No role model. But a few sleepless nights ago, I realized I always had a role model and a hero, but I just never credited him as such. If I let myself regret anything, it would be that I didn't figure out what he was to me before now. Or maybe I always saw him as such but just never put it into words. He's done so much for so little. He does things without the desire for the attention that should go with doing so much. A lot of my values come from him, from learning from him. He teaches me so much without having to try, he listens before he speaks, he tries to understand what is foreign to him without allowing his assumptions to cloud his judgment, and he respects me as a fellow human being. He does all this, despite coming from a culture that seems to be averse to such behavior. D is my hero. He's not perfect. He's not very successful by societal standards. He doesn't have a college degree or a high-paying job. He's not married. He doesn't travel. He doesn't do extremely exciting things. But he finds joy in the simple things. He appreciates life and what it has given him, even if it wasn't much. He wishes he could have been a better person, but he accepts who he is, flaws and all. To me, D is amazing.

I know I haven't really mentioned D in a long time, but then again I haven't really blogged much. But just letting you know he is still very much a strong and steady part of my life.

+ I don't hate being alone. Alone doesn't mean lonely anymore. So that's nice. That's probably why I'm happier haha. I'm embracing my introversion. No more fighting it. Or rather attempting to fight it and failing. I used to think I'd be happier if I just stuck myself around people more often. Fooled myself for a while. Now, I keep to myself most of the time without thinking I should go out or talk to people more often. I'm pretty happy with that. Granted, I'm not genuinely alone in the way that I want to be because I do live with my mom. But when I am truly alone with myself, I feel great. And granted, I'm not developing my interpersonal skills as much. But when I do, I'm not too bad. Maybe just a little slow and awkward haha. But it doesn't feel like a detriment to my well-being, so that's ok, yeah? Haha.

Even though I don't have an uncontrollable desire to be around people or in a relationship, I still think it's nice to be around people or in a relationship. I'm not averse to those ideas. I'm just happy with my current situation, which is so strange for me to say because I've never felt like this before. I used to dwell on the fact that I wasn't around people enough and the fact that I had never been in love or something like that. Now that I've experienced what I always thought I wanted, I don't feel the need to dwell.

I've learned from my experiences. I'm learning. Also from friends. I've learned what I want is to be happy. That hasn't changed. How I can get that happiness, that might have changed. Other people's happiness still affect mine. I don't think that's ever gonna change, as much as I might want it to. A few good friends, good conversation, good music, good food, good sleep, and simply living as best as I can... I think these are the things I need to be happy. Well, also high self-esteem, an open mind, good vibes, respect, hugs, dreams, and other things I can't think of right now haha.

+ I'm not as hard on myself as I used to be. It feels good to not hate myself. I don't think I'm that worthless anymore haha. I mean, I know I may not be very useful in most ways, but I'm not hopeless. So that's good :P


Oh, well, there goes that memory of mine. I don't remember the rest of the random stuff I wanted to put down.

This year has been a good year. Aside from the death, pain, and grief from events that have passed. It's been a year of personal growth for me, and it doesn't feel fake. There's still an infinite amount of growing I can do. But how much I've already been through feels like such a significant amount. Because I feel like I didn't grow much before. This year's just been different. Same in some ways, I'm sure. But the differences are there. It's been a good year, and there's still five months of it left (even though I don't think time really exists :P)

I'm actually meeting most if not all of my resolutions haha. That's definitely different. I should post those on here sometime. I don't think I have yet.

Anyway, my bed has been calling to me for an hour. But I wanted to finish this entry. Now, I'm done because I can't remember the rest of what I wanted to put down -sigh- Typical haha.

2012 is going well so far

I'm lucky my last semester of undergrad is pretty damn easy. Two Justice Studies classes, one Radio TV Film class, and three PE classes. Little stress. Though, I am kinda worried about finding a job. I've been looking and applying for jobs, but not getting responses or anything.

But anyway, school is good. Meeting some new folks. Pretty chill. Volleyball has given me bruises and a lightly sprained thumb, but that was because I was still learning the proper techniques. Getting much better now. Soccer makes my legs scream, especially my left leg--it feels like ligaments and/or tendons are being ripped from my leg, but the feeling has been decreasing (must mean I'm getting better). Self-defense has been fun. It's like a refresher course on all the defense stuff I learned in middle school, except we actually practice with other people. Except we can't actually hit each other. Though, accidents happen. Like today. I was attempting a spin kick. Either there was too much torque or I tripped, but somehow I managed to flip myself onto the ground >.>; Painful but funny XP I laughed, while my instructor told me to get back up and keep going.

PE classes overall are fun. I wish I had taken more PE classes in college -sigh- Maybe I'll go to community college after I graduate and take PE classes then. I might end up going to CC after graduation, at least if I can't find a decent job.

Uh, lots of stuff happening lately, except I'm not remembering them very well haha.

I went to ETD Love in SF with a couple of friends (Michelle P, Olivia S and her friends and family). First rave I've ever been to. Was fun. Met some nice, cool people. Danced all night. Drank lots of water. John O'Callaghan was amazing. And so were many of the other DJs, like John Beaver, Gabriel & Dresden, Myon & Shane 54, and Lazy Rich. Good stuff. Must listen to more of their music.

I know I've done more than go to a rave, but I just can't recall anything right now haha. Other than reading. I finally finished the HP series. I had a feeling about Snape, doubted it, doubted the doubt, and then was relieved that my initial feeling was spot on haha. Reading the Hunger Games series now. Just finished the first book. Good stuff. Hearing not-so-great reviews about the other two books, but I will finish this series, possibly before the movie premieres. I'm considering going to the midnight showing, but we'll see. I know I'm loving the song "Safe and Sound" by Taylor Swift Ft. The Civil Wars. That song is very moving and fits the mood of the story very well.

Haha oh, tangents.

I miss blogging often. But now, I barely remember to blog. I think I've already written this many times before, but blogging helps me remember stuff. Except I guess it doesn't work if I don't remember to blog <.<

Mm, so I've been kinda trying to talk to more people. Fighting my urge to become a hermit. Making new friends, kinda. Trying to broaden my horizons. Oh, I went to my first TransTalk meeting today. Was a good meeting and a good chance to learn about people. I think I might start spending a little more time at the LGBT Resource Center. I'm going to QTIP and Q&A again, since they don't clash with my classes. And I guess I'm adding TransTalk to my schedule on Wednesdays.

So new people I've met/talked to, and whose names I learned through group intros and ice breaker games: Holden, Maui, Simon, Nadia, Helen, Tracy, Jonathan (used to go to ST), Bridgette (no idea how to spell her name). I've forgotten other people's names <.< That's not good.

But anyway, yeah, trying to be more open and less aloof. It's very hard >.> But I'm getting somewhere haha. Part of my new year's/life resolution for self-improvement. Very general and vague, but hopefully I'll accomplish it every day anyway. Still working on the patience with family part though. That's a toughy.

Three weeks until Fall 2011 ends...

I can't believe it's been more than two months since I've updated my blog O_O

School has been kicking my butt this semester. I don't even know why this semester has been so difficult for me. I attempted to refrain from major social gatherings. Haven't attended QTIP or Q&A this semester. Hung out with a few people a few times. Mostly have been keeping to myself, going to campus early and sitting by myself. Majorly stressed out.

De-stressed with clubbing at FuZ last Friday with Michelle P, Harrison, Matt C, Steven P, and Maria N :)

Had tried to de-stress at Queer Homecoming at the end of October, except turnout was low (because of Halloween weekend) and music had house beats so most people didn't dance. Most people left early. Had to end the dance an hour early >: At the end of the dance, there was only four of us dancing. Normally, I'd leave the dance floor if there weren't enough people, but damn it I wanted to dance.

Anyway, I'm sure lots of stuff has happened this past semester, except I can't recall much. Student walkouts. Occupy movement. San Jose Living Wage Campaign. Lots of death-related news around the country and stuff.

Two weeks of classes left and a week of finals. I'm trying to get work done this weekend, so that I don't leave four papers and a take-home exam to do in three nights. That would be so bad.

Turning 21 wasn't exactly life-changing haha. I don't even remember what I did that day other than turn in a really bad rough draft.

My brain is not organizing my thoughts very well haha. This semester has just been not that great to me XP But hopefully, next semester, my last semester, will be nicer to me. I've enrolled in my classes and everything, so it should be good. Just need to get some signatures and turn in some forms. But overall, my last semester should be nicer compared to this semester.

Ahh, I can't wait for winter break to see people again. Shiva is coming back for about a week in the middle of December. Brother intends to take us to the Castro with his girlfriend to go bar hopping. I'm inviting more friends haha. I find it kinda strange that Brother wants to bond more, but I guess that's good :3

Anyway, tonight, Harrison is taking me to the movies. Planning to watch The Muppets :D It's been a really long time since I've watched anything Muppet-related. Sadly, I also have a cold -___- Sniffly and congested. Rawr. Hope I feel better after a good night's rest, so that I can get at least one paper and half the exam done this weekend.

Uhh, I need to organize my thoughts better. But I won't. Not now. Now is time to focus on school and not dying from stress. Well, actually, now is time for the movies. Yay! It's been quite a while since I've been to the movies.


Just want to say to whoever's reading this: I miss y'all and I love y'all. Let's chill and catch up soon :)

I've been abusing my free time...

Kinda. I said I shouldn't, but I can't help it. Sometimes, I just want to watch YouTube videos or sleep or just sit somewhere and do nothing.


School has been all right. I go to campus early usually and sit somewhere to read or complete crossword puzzles. My classes feel overwhelming, but I'm getting my work done. This weekend was dedicated to getting work done early. Though I haven't finished everything I wanted to do this weekend, I've gotten quite a few things done early, so that's good. I still need to get started on two or three papers; one of which is due on my birthday XP I still also have to start volunteering, but the place I told my prof I was going to volunteer at has not responded to me at all. So I need to find some time this week to go there and see what's going on.

Can't go to QTIP this semester because it starts at the same time as my Capstone class -.- I'm probably only going to Q&A every other week or so. I need to focus on getting my homework done. So slooowwww D8 I feel like my brain slowed down so much. I usually pick up speed in school pretty quickly after it starts, like a few days into the semester. But I'm already going into week 4 or 5, and I still don't feel like I'm keeping up ):


So today, the family went to T-Mobile to switch plans since our Verizon contract is done. Brother got a Samsung Galaxy. D, Mother, and I got touchscreen phones. D and Brother are using temporary phones while the store orders their phones.

I went on Facebook to state that people should text me or call me so that I have their phone numbers in my new phone, since I don't feel like transferring everything over and I don't talk to most of my contacts anyway. People who care shall let me know they want me to have their numbers XP Well, if they get the message haha.


In other news, I will no longer be using my Bose headphones O: It's been four amazing years with them. But I no longer have a strong fondness for them. They still work well, but I would rather have something cheaper and much more low-key. And smaller. I'm gonna use Mother's phone ear-headset that came with her new phone. She won't need it, and I don't care too much about sound quality as long as it doesn't sound like I'm listening to static. But the quality of the headset is actually pretty good. Family wants me to get actual headphones, but meh, we'll see. They said I should at least take Brother's headset when his phone comes in. We'll see.

But yes, you will probably no longer see me sporting those Bose headphones. Now, I will be sporting earbuds/phone headset hahaha. It's cool. I like "downgrading." I don't need hella expensive things to enjoy my life. I like small and simple :) I wish my family would let me make my life small and simple, but nooo, I have to keep up with the rest of society. And sure, I want to keep up with some things. But that's just some things, not everything.

Also, this way, I'm not wasting AAA batteries for the headphones. Nor will Brother, since he doesn't have as much time as I do to listen to music. I wonder when he would have time to use those headphones. Hmm...


Oh, so have you been checking out the news lately? Makes me sad. Though, I guess the news usually makes me sad anyway with all the violent deaths and stuff. Reno and West Virginia recently had one plane crash each during an airshow. Vintage WWII airplanes. A firefight between police and insurgents in Kabul. Michelle Le's body has been found near Sunol and Pleasanton. Cindy Nguyen was murdered in San Jose by a parolee who is still at large.
It seems I have at least one friend who knew Cindy, and Mother met her at least once about nine years ago.

September 11 was a week ago. Nothing majorly bad happened. Just people being extra cautious.


Not sure how much of a social life I am maintaining this semester. I want to, and I don't want to. I want to keep on top of my schoolwork, but I also want to hang out. Ahh, I suck at balancing my life ;-;

Harrison is gonna celebrate his birthday in October at a hotel. I would like to go to that, but I must figure out how I will go and come home without making Mother suspicious that I will be up to no good. Which I won't. I don't plan to do anything stupid. I don't plan to drink. I probably won't even stay for too long. I just wanna go and hang out for a bit. But I wouldn't be able to go home if everyone there gets drunk -_- Must figure out soon.

Queer Prom is gonna be the weekend after Harrison's party. I plan to go to that. But I must figure out where I'm spending the night or how I'll get home. Hmm... But I would like to dance with friends. It's been a while -nods-

Brother's birthday is the day after the dance. Must be home to celebrate with him. Well, unless he's celebrating with his friends instead.


Ok, time to get back to homework. Done with everything that's due the next two days. But I'd like to get more stuff done early.

Must get back to my nerdy, school-oriented self, if ever there was a self like that XD

"My Girl"

Just for you, Shiva.

Today, as we were walking to the parking garage near Tangerine Salon, Shiva said, "My girl." I immediately thought of the karaoke session from yesterday.

Then I started to sing

I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl...
My girl...
My girl...

Haha I was skipping/dancing, shaking my head, and moving my arms to the imaginary beat. Shiva wished she had her camera <_<


Anyway, the first day of semester was eh -shrug- One class. Social Change. The rest of the day, Shiva and I walked around campus so she could talk to the people in charge about her class that was dropped two days before school started. Turned out the instructor canceled the class herself because she couldn't teach it at the scheduled time.

Reading over all my green sheets for the semester, I feel extremely overwhelmed. I hope it's just my normal beginning-of-the-semester worries, and I'll get the hang of all five classes soon. Gonna add Global Society tomorrow. Pay $25 because adding classes after instruction starts means a late fee -_-

Anyway, yeah, not too much to say. Took a nice nap today XP

I hope we're all gonna be ok this semester. Seems quite a few people are trying to graduate this spring. Also seems like many of us are taking more units than usual.


I'm feeling really unfocused. I'm not ready for school. Again ;-;

"Firework"

by Katy Perry... I'm totally loving this song. I like the music video that goes with it too, though I guess fireworks (or even sparklers) shooting from your chest is kinda strange/scary. What if you catch on fire? :O



Anyway, it has been a relatively good week. Been trying to get some work done early so that this weekend would be relatively free for fun stuff. Four-day weekends, yay!

Except yesterday, I had to stay home ): because my mom wanted me to rest and stuff. I wasn't feeling all that great. So I spent the day trying to watch movies online, but either the movies stopped working or I plan to watch them at a later time with Shiva :) I watched half of "The Book of Eli" before I decided I wanted to watch it with her. Lots of movies I wanna watch with her :P

So instead of that movie, I watched "Across the Universe" with her (I streamed it online, while she watched the movie file that she has on her drive). It was interesting. I thought I would like it more 'cause I've heard so many good things about it, but I just thought it was ok. I like the song covers haha (Yay, Beatles!).

Hmm, been watching a lot of music videos on YouTube. Don't know what else to do at home other than do homework. But my motivation is still steadily dwindling.


Oh, so this morning, I went to another doctor's appointment to talk to him about my blood test, which I had last Friday. Iron deficiency, I think. In viet, he just told my mom and me that I "lack metal" (literal translation). So yeah, it's safe to assume he means I'm low on iron. So now, my mom's gonna make me eat more red meat XP Meh. Apparently, I haven't been eating that much meat in the past couple of months, which probably explains why I have a slight iron deficiency now.

Hm, so now I have to take an iron supplement twice a day for the next two months. Then I have to get my blood tested again to see if my iron gets back to a normal level. Hope so.

So I'm feeling slightly less than average. But I don't think it's the deficiency. Just not feeling happy with my mom. I know she cares, and I don't even care that she says it's my fault I'm unhealthy because it's true. It's the tone of voice that makes me feel sick. How she raises her voice too. Angry and all. She doesn't need to be angry. Blah...

Oh and homework doesn't help either -_-


Anyway, so tonight and tomorrow, I'ma hopefully spend time with Shiva :3 Well, tonight, I might be hanging out with Maggie :) whom I haven't seen since the summerrrr. So yay. If not tonight, then tomorrow afternoon. And if not tonight, apparently, Shiva and I will eat sushi? And tomorrow night, dinner date for my birthday, yaayyy! ^_^ I haven't been on a date like that before haha.


Also need to write a letter to Brother x_x I've been forgetting. My mom had told him that I already sent him a letter when she visited him on Thursday -_- Now, I feel bad because he's gonna be waiting for my letter T-T I'll write him his letter tonight or tomorrow and send it as soon as possible.

I can't believe it's already been more than two months since he's been in jail. So fast. He's got three more months, hmm. Wonder how things will go when he gets out. He's gonna have to pay his debt to the state and stuff. I hope it works out.


What else? I dunno. Stuff. And stuff. I've been thinking and not thinking about things lately haha. Some deep future-thinking and planning. It's crazy to think that I'll be graduating in about one and a half years.

Registration's opening for next semester. I get to sign up on Wednesday at 18h00. I hope all the classes I want will still be open. I really want them. Five classes. Well, four, but I know I can add one later for sure. Four sociology courses, one philosophy. Might switch out a sociology course for a linguistics course. But I'm really trying to get three sociology classes with Shiva haha. We'd see each other sooo often XP

-crosses fingers- I want those classes....

Oh, and damn, I can't believe tuition's gonna go up to $4884 next Fall. It's going up 5% for Spring 2011, and another 10% for Fall 2011. It's friggin' nuts! I'm lucky I get financial aid, but seriously what the hell? I don't know how tuition raises help much. They're just making it harder for students to get into college and stay in college. I wonder how much of a salary cut the bourgeois administrators have to get XP

Bleh. Anyway, four more weeks of classes and a week of finals, yay. Six-ish weeks of winter break. Can't wait for this semester to be over. It's been fun with Shiva and friends. But school has not been that fun. But I guess I've learned a great deal in my Social Theory class :) It's taken over my life haha.


Anyway, that's all for now. Hope all is well with you.

Four days of Shiva....

:)

So I actually did go stay with Shiva and her family down in So Cal for a couple of days. First time I traveled anywhere alone. Greyhound buses. First time my buses have ever been so far behind schedule. Anyway, in So Cal, lots of stuff happened. I'm probably gonna forget some, and Shiva will probably add to or correct what I mention.

Left SJ on Monday night, arrived Tuesday morning. One transfer at LA. Both buses were late -_- First bus, I had to sit next to a little boy, whose head fell onto my shoulder a few times during the night. Couldn't get off the bus at the meal stop because the kid was asleep and I didn't want to wake him up -_- Second bus, went ten feet before the driver told us all (in Spanish) that we needed to switch buses. Then ten minutes on the freeway, he pulled over to the shoulder because the bus was getting too hot. He wanted to figure out how to get cool air into the bus, eventually opening the emergency latches on the top of the buses. Then we were on our way.

Tuesday: Shiva picked me up in Santa Ana at 8h30. Shiva and her mom went to their doctor's appointment. I sat in the lobby reading a tech magazine. Then dropped her mom off at Kohl's. Went to meet her friend Allie (sp?), hung out at Target. Allie stole me from Shiva, leading me throughout the store >_> Interesting person, she was. Bubbly and such. I don't think she likes me much if at all -shrug- but she bought me an Almond Joy, which I realize I never ate <_< glory =" Sanrio.">_> Left the house like two hours later for Shiva's friend's house. Met Rochelle (and later Amber). Cool, interesting people. Cheese pizza and root beer (ew, Shiva, ew. Jk). Rochelle and Shiva tried to force me to get a manicure -_- Five-minute-long struggle. Two against one, so not fair D:

Shiva couldn't decide what to wear XP I chose. Why are you making me make decisions? D:

At 9ish, the four of us left in Rochelle's car for Long Beach. Clubbing at the Dollhouse (Hamburger Mary's). 18+. Ladies' Night (Though, there were still guys there). Hmm. The X's are still faintly there on the back of my hands. 18-20 years old, get X's marked on both hands with a permanent marker. 21+ get wrist bands D: Not fair.

Dancing didn't start for a while. Shiva ran into someone she had classes with in high school. Music was all right. Kinda reminded me of high school dances. Recognized most of the songs, but only liked half the songs. Mood of the music kept changing. The dance floor was much smaller than that of Fuz when it was still in Sunnyvale. However, didn't really bump into any of the other people dancing. There were go-go dancers o__o Did not want to look, but couldn't help it. I found it funny to watch the girls watching the go-go dancers XD Their mouths were open. They looked mesmerized haha.

The funniest part was when Rochelle saw a dollar bill on the floor. Seemed to have fallen from one of the dancers. She picked it up and stuffed it into the dancer's boot. Amber freaked out and told her that she wasn't supposed to stuff it in the boot. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO STICK IT IN HER PANTIES!" hahahaha XD

The dancing itself in the club was a bit uhh ehhh >_> <_<>_> Obviously, a lot of freaking. Just extreme stuff, wow o_o Now, I remember why I don't like clubbing much <_<>_> Aaand, sadly, I got really sleepy quickly. The music was putting me to sleep -_- Sad. Shiva kept me awake though haha.

After the dancing, we went to Denny's. This is like a trend for every club-goer, isn't it? Picture-taking-ness. More of that in front of Rochelle's house when Shiva and I were about to head home. Amber spun me 'round @_@ Twice! Dizzy, tired. Almost fell.

Friday: Not the best day :/ But I helped Shiva pack some of her books. She's lending me two Dan Brown books (The Da Vinci Code and Digital Fortress) and gave me a Sudoku book and a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving shirt :D Then we went to hang out with her friend Ashley. Nervous peeing dog. I think it peed on my shoes -_- Off to Juice It Up. Hmm, tasty. I still prefer Jamba Juice XP but Juice It Up was good. Then to a bird shop, Omar's. Played with birds :D So nice. And loud. One of them tried to bite my earring XP Hmm, I probably smelled like bird for a bit. Mm, dog pee and bird, what a great combo of fragrance >_> Went to Ralph's. Shiva freaked out because Keebler's finally imitated Girl Scout's Samoas, calling the cookies Coconut Dreams. Of course, Shiva bought it :P

Driving to places... After eating some wraps and me finishing packing, drove Ashley home. Drove to Shiva's relative's place to pick someone up, who apparently didn't need a ride. Rushed to the bus station in Santa Ana. Greyhound window was closed -_- Shiva called the Greyhound customer service for me to ask about baggage check-in. Then a bus came, but it wasn't mine. Another came, and we thought it was mine. So she left.

I asked the driver if his bus was gonna go to LA. He said the next bus would. The next bus came, I asked, and again the driver said "next one." One more bus, finally, my bus, fifty minutes late. I was starting to think that the other bus drivers had lied to me or misunderstood me and I would be stranded in Santa Ana for the night or at least a few hours. Because the bus was late, I got to the LA station about five minutes before my second bus left (which was twenty minutes late) :O No ID tag for my luggage because the Greyhound window was closed in Santa Ana and I had no time to wait in line at the LA station. Thought the driver wouldn't let me on the bus because of this, but luckily a blank tag was at hand, whew. On the bus, I sat next to a sleeping fellow, who slept with his legs spread -_- Not much space for me. And I think my seat was broken because it did not recline much. So my neck was not happy last night/this morning. But the ride was quick. Got back to SJ at 6h20 (on time).


Excluding bus tickets, I spent less than thirteen dollars in So Cal. In total, I spent about $120 for this whole trip. Why? Because I don't spend money XP haha meals were provided by Shiva's mom. Shiva paid for the smoothie I got from Juice It Up.

Anyway, when I got home from the Greyhound station, I was clearing out my luggage. My hand sanitizer bottle broke D: in the pocket that had my notepad, pencil, and netbook charger. Cleaned that out. Dumped the stuff into a smaller bottle of hand sanitizer after I dumped the stuff from the smaller bottle. The small one was one that Shiva gave me. So fruity. Blueberry blast. So strong @_@ Smells like cough syrup, car freshener, and other weird scents. But now, it's all diluted, yay! Though the cap still holds a lot of that fruity smell @_@


Anyway, going home, I learned that Brother was sentenced to two months in jail. Hmm. It seems he'll be back in jail starting the 27th. 60 days, which is actually 40 days physically in jail. Don't know what we're doing about his residence. Are we paying $1000 for his room, while he doesn't live there? Or are we moving his stuff out and leaving it in our garage again?


Mm, four days until school starts again -_- Summer break was not long enough this time around. In previous years, I would always wish that summer was quicker. But this year, I wish it was longer, slower, more restful.


Mm, so that's all I've got to say, I think.