Family Health

For the past couple of months, my family has been dealing with some health scares.

Mother's cancer may have progressed. It's been a decade. She's got a growth near the site of her mastectomy. Apparently, it's been there for a couple of years, but she never mentioned it. And no health professionals noticed because, honestly, who would think that breast cancer would show up where there's no breast? Mother finally went to the doctor's. She's been seeing various doctors. They're unsure if it's cancer or if it's just a benign growth.

The course of action appears to be chemo for eight months, surgery, and then radiation for who knows how long. She'll hear about a more definite timeline tomorrow. I think Brother is going with her.

As for Brother, he went to the ER two months ago for a sudden, persistent pain in his left eye, which worsened whenever he moved his eye. Extremely blurry vision. Inability to see distinguish the color red. Doctors determined it to be optic neuritis. They gave him steroids to help ease the pain and improve his vision. They said the vision problems and pain may come and go in the future. In trying to pinpoint the cause, they tested him for MS. Tests came back negative. They still don't know what caused it. The pain lessened, and his vision got better. They let him go home after a couple of days.

About two weeks ago, Brother went back to the emergency room for severe headaches that lasted a few weeks. He had viral meningitis. Doctors kept him in the hospital for just less than a week. Tests. Brother was irritated because that meant he couldn't work. Family had to remind him that the doctors were doing their best and he couldn't work for long if his infection prevented him from doing so anyway.

Doctors treated the meningitis. Luckily, it was determined to be not contagious. Brother still has to go back to the hospital for more tests. Doctors are still uncertain as to what caused the infection since Brother does not travel and he didn't do any of the things that the doctors said could cause viral meningitis.

Today, Brother said, even though it might not be MS, it might still be some other autoimmune disease. I know very little about autoimmune diseases, but I've heard they're not really curable but can be manageable.

So yeah, that's how part of my family is doing now.

I mentally checked out when all this happened at once. On autopilot around my family. I feel guilty about that, but I don't know what to do. I haven't been around. I don't want to think about it. But today, I checked myself back in. I've been selfish. I still want to be selfish, but I also want to support my family. So I'm trying. Matt told me I was having a fight-or-flight reaction; I immediately chose flight. I'm making myself choose the other option now.

We will deal with everything as it comes. Who knows? Maybe it won't end up too badly.

I need to try to keep myself in the real world. I have to try to not tune it out. Family stress added to work stress. I've been feeling like I can't handle anything. It's been terrifying. I felt like giving up. On what? I don't know. I just wanted to give up.

I feel better today. Finally. I just spent most of the day by myself. It was great. I'm not at 100%, but I'm much better than I was yesterday and better than how I've been the past month or so. I'm still getting a little anxious and nervous at times when I start thinking too much. But then I just try to remember that I need to take everything one step at a time and one day at a time. I need to be strong for my family. I need to be there for them.

I also need to learn how to ask for help. I thought I did. But I'm always backtracking because I don't want to bother people with my problems that aren't really my problems. I need to learn how to stop worrying and fretting so much.

Happier news: Miah is crawling and standing herself up now. She laughs and shouts more. She also only likes me sometimes :P I think I give off too much heat. She really doesn't like to be hot. Also, I haven't been around much. But I think she recognizes me when she does see me. She's also just more attached to everyone else in my family.

I should try to be around more often.

"Firework"

by Katy Perry... I'm totally loving this song. I like the music video that goes with it too, though I guess fireworks (or even sparklers) shooting from your chest is kinda strange/scary. What if you catch on fire? :O



Anyway, it has been a relatively good week. Been trying to get some work done early so that this weekend would be relatively free for fun stuff. Four-day weekends, yay!

Except yesterday, I had to stay home ): because my mom wanted me to rest and stuff. I wasn't feeling all that great. So I spent the day trying to watch movies online, but either the movies stopped working or I plan to watch them at a later time with Shiva :) I watched half of "The Book of Eli" before I decided I wanted to watch it with her. Lots of movies I wanna watch with her :P

So instead of that movie, I watched "Across the Universe" with her (I streamed it online, while she watched the movie file that she has on her drive). It was interesting. I thought I would like it more 'cause I've heard so many good things about it, but I just thought it was ok. I like the song covers haha (Yay, Beatles!).

Hmm, been watching a lot of music videos on YouTube. Don't know what else to do at home other than do homework. But my motivation is still steadily dwindling.


Oh, so this morning, I went to another doctor's appointment to talk to him about my blood test, which I had last Friday. Iron deficiency, I think. In viet, he just told my mom and me that I "lack metal" (literal translation). So yeah, it's safe to assume he means I'm low on iron. So now, my mom's gonna make me eat more red meat XP Meh. Apparently, I haven't been eating that much meat in the past couple of months, which probably explains why I have a slight iron deficiency now.

Hm, so now I have to take an iron supplement twice a day for the next two months. Then I have to get my blood tested again to see if my iron gets back to a normal level. Hope so.

So I'm feeling slightly less than average. But I don't think it's the deficiency. Just not feeling happy with my mom. I know she cares, and I don't even care that she says it's my fault I'm unhealthy because it's true. It's the tone of voice that makes me feel sick. How she raises her voice too. Angry and all. She doesn't need to be angry. Blah...

Oh and homework doesn't help either -_-


Anyway, so tonight and tomorrow, I'ma hopefully spend time with Shiva :3 Well, tonight, I might be hanging out with Maggie :) whom I haven't seen since the summerrrr. So yay. If not tonight, then tomorrow afternoon. And if not tonight, apparently, Shiva and I will eat sushi? And tomorrow night, dinner date for my birthday, yaayyy! ^_^ I haven't been on a date like that before haha.


Also need to write a letter to Brother x_x I've been forgetting. My mom had told him that I already sent him a letter when she visited him on Thursday -_- Now, I feel bad because he's gonna be waiting for my letter T-T I'll write him his letter tonight or tomorrow and send it as soon as possible.

I can't believe it's already been more than two months since he's been in jail. So fast. He's got three more months, hmm. Wonder how things will go when he gets out. He's gonna have to pay his debt to the state and stuff. I hope it works out.


What else? I dunno. Stuff. And stuff. I've been thinking and not thinking about things lately haha. Some deep future-thinking and planning. It's crazy to think that I'll be graduating in about one and a half years.

Registration's opening for next semester. I get to sign up on Wednesday at 18h00. I hope all the classes I want will still be open. I really want them. Five classes. Well, four, but I know I can add one later for sure. Four sociology courses, one philosophy. Might switch out a sociology course for a linguistics course. But I'm really trying to get three sociology classes with Shiva haha. We'd see each other sooo often XP

-crosses fingers- I want those classes....

Oh, and damn, I can't believe tuition's gonna go up to $4884 next Fall. It's going up 5% for Spring 2011, and another 10% for Fall 2011. It's friggin' nuts! I'm lucky I get financial aid, but seriously what the hell? I don't know how tuition raises help much. They're just making it harder for students to get into college and stay in college. I wonder how much of a salary cut the bourgeois administrators have to get XP

Bleh. Anyway, four more weeks of classes and a week of finals, yay. Six-ish weeks of winter break. Can't wait for this semester to be over. It's been fun with Shiva and friends. But school has not been that fun. But I guess I've learned a great deal in my Social Theory class :) It's taken over my life haha.


Anyway, that's all for now. Hope all is well with you.

My eardrum huuurts T-T

This morning, while I was sitting at a bench with Stephanie H and Kilani, an Indian guy (who later introduced himself as Raja) walked over to us and started talking to us. At first, I thought he was gonna ask us for directions or something because he was wearing an Independence High School hoodie (also said "Women's Tennis Team" or something like that). But then he started talking about God, Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Shiva, etc.

Stephanie left, saying she had class. I didn't leave because I thought the guy would leave when he said "God bless you." But every time he finished a spiel, he'd start another O_o He went on to talk about school, running, and some other stuff I don't remember.

Kilani kept trying not to laugh :P I didn't laugh at all. I just smiled, nodded, and tried to look elsewhere. But he kept moving his head to get back into my view. And he kept saying I was a good listener >_> -shrug- I guess haha. I did hear what he was saying.

I was sitting there, waiting for Shiva to come out of her class to save us haha. But she never came D: (when I called her later, I found out she skipped class). Kilani had been waiting on Karishma (I know her from Q&A. And you may have seen her at Fuz when we went clubbing back in November), but Karishma bailed on her. So today of all days, the two people who usually show up decide not to show up when we need them XP

Eventually, Kilani got up and said we had class. As we walked away, he followed us and kept talking. We turned into Spartan Complex, hoping he wouldn't follow us into the building. If he had, we wouldn't have had anywhere to go. Luckily, he didn't follow us.

Kilani and I ended up going to the library to chill until noon. We talked and laughed about what happened :P Had to point out how disappointed we were when campus security drove by haha.

But yeah, damn, I feel like I'm meeting some weird people this semester. Well, just two so far. Both Indian guys -_-

Anyway, Stephanie came back and decided to follow me. And I went to Brian, who was in the Music Building. Introduced them to each other. Talked about things, such as Stephanie's Craigslist ad haha and the weird combination of her dislike for people and her major in hospitality :P Went to 7-11 so they could get Slurpees. I bought an ice cream bar and Lunchables (first time in eight years!). Chilled at Duncan Hall for a short bit.

Then Brian and I went to the Student Union 'cause that was where Shiva was. Some conversation. Then off to Linguistics for me. Class was ok. Nothing special. After, back to Shiva's place. Watched some Rurouni Kenshin. And read stuff from a website called A Softer World. Some interesting stuff, like:

"I spend my lunch hours/surrounded by people,/who apologize/for every touch,
so today I hugged a stranger
and a thousand lonely people rioted."

and

"on days like this/I would just disappear
if it weren't for you/and your love
like nails in my feet"

^^Those two are my favorites so far of all the ones I read.

Anyway, QTIP meeting, fun stuff. Drag show on April 29th. Anyone can go. I'm planning on going to see. If anyone would like to join me, call me, yeah?


This was pretty much my day today. Oh, well, aside from coughing my lungs out T-T I don't feel sick. But I suppose I am. Since I'm coughing so much. And losing my voice. I think this is the closest I will ever be to losing my voice. And now, my left middle ear hurts >_< Like I haven't had this kinda ear pain since I used to get ear infections as a child. It really hurts. Makes me want to cry. Makes me not want to finish my Sociology paper. Makes me just want to go to bed way early and call it a day.


Oh, so Brother finally found a room to rent near one of his friends and near the Blossom Hill light rail stop. Yay. He moved in on Sunday morning.

And Mother has restarted her search for another two-bedroom house/townhouse. So if you hear of any that are for rent and accept Section 8/Housing, lemme know, k? Preferably a place that's near a light rail stop.

I don't know how I feel about this. I guess I don't really care. I never have a part in the decision anyway. If we move, I just hope it's somewhere closer to campus. A shorter light rail ride would be nice. Less likely to fall asleep on the ride home XP


Hmm, the past week has been all right. Ups and downs. Yesterday was especially interesting. Or the ending of it was hahaha. Shiva has taken my bracelet hostage. Must find a way to get it back without giving in to her demands, whatever they may be.


Ooh, "Kick-Ass" is coming out in theaters this Friday. Who wants to go watch with me? :D

Sickness is a great weight-loss program.

NOT -__-

Today, when I came home, I was going to take a nap, but then I started thinking about how sick people usually lose a lot of weight when they're really sick. I didn't think I lost that much (maybe 2 or 3 pounds less), but I decided to weigh myself just to make sure.

I had just eaten, and I only weighed 102.2 lbs. I lost a little over seven pounds in less than a week :(

I've been trying really hard to stay in the healthy weight range. I usually border underweight. But now I am underweight T-T And I'm still not completely better yet. But I just have to get better and eat more.


Mm, and I wish my headache would go away. I'm trying to get my homework started and finished, but it's really difficult to concentrate. I think I'll just work on my Poli Sci speech tonight. Then spend the next two nights working on my Poli Sci final paper. Then spend the rest of the week on my English essay, EDCO journal, EDCO resumes/cover letter, and whatever else my professors decide to throw at me. Aahh. I'm so tired from just thinking about everything I have to cram in just because I'm sick -_-

Just one more week of classes. One more. Get the finals out of the way, and then Albert, Lisa, and I will visit ST :D

Must look forward to something because this next week is going to be torture. Not regular school torture, but sick-and-still-working torture. I usually don't have to deal with that because I only get sick during breaks. But this time, I missed summer break by two weeks. Damn. And I'm going to be a little pissed if I get completely better right after finals end -_- What timing that would be.


Anyway, what else? What else? I should get a haircut. My hair is now too long on top haha. And I feel naked without my favorite baseball cap :( And my headphones mess up the top of my hair because the hair is too long XP haha. So... (headphones - cap) + haircut = less messy hair.

Oh, and I went home on the light rail with Lisa and Amy G. We sat down, and a homeless guy sat down behind us. Then it started to smell really bad where we sat :x I looked at Amy because she was right next to me. And we laughed because the smell was really, really bad. And we knew where the smell was coming from, but we didn't really say anything about it. Amy asked me, "You're thinking what I'm thinking, right?" And I nodded and smiled. Lisa, who was sitting in the seats in front of us, asked us if we smelled something bad, and we just said, "Yeah." That was it. We dealt with it. Then the guy left, and we could breathe better.

Mind you, we weren't laughing at the guy. We were just laughing at the smell because it was really horrible. And I don't know why, but there seemed to be quite a few strange people on the light rail today. There was a guy a little ways down the aisle who was kinda schizophrenic. And I think some lady was just sitting there, staring at us most of the time O_o but you know it could just be my imagination.


Hmm, anyway, this summer, hopefully, Lisa and Amy remember to invite me to ST for a jog around the track haha. They want to exercise. I want to exercise. Exercising with friends would make it easier, yeah? Yeah! Ok.

Mm, I should really get started on my speech stuff. I hope I do well enough. Ahh. So much work. So much stress. I don't think the stress is helping me recuperate >_< Grr.

I don't get sick often.

But when I do get sick, it hits me hard.

Grr, I wish I was better already. I wish I knew what I had too. It's not the flu. I don't have have a cough or a runny nose. The headache is gone. I'm really really dizzy. My stomach doesn't hurt, but it feels hella funky every time I try to eat and every time I go to bed. My fever is on and off -_- I don't think that's good, but it might be my fault. I keep covering up when I get cold, and that makes my temperature rise.

Wow, this is really difficult to type. My dizziness is making it hard for me to understand what I'm typing haha.

hmm, ive moved up from rice and water to Chunky's soup. I can eat like an eighth of the can's content at one sitting. I have to eat slow too, or else I'll feel like throwing it up.

Ugh. Please let me feel better soon. I have so much homework I haven't been able to do. And they're due this week.

I'm planning on going to a study session today. I hope I can last through it. Please let me last.

I'll probably go home and straight into bed. Right now, my stomach is a little grr about the soup I just ate, but my sense of balance is totally throwing me off. And my grammar and spelling are pissing me off.

I really want a soda right now, or just something bubbly. Sparkling water. Flavored, carbonated water. Mmm...

My mom is terrible at driving...

a sick person T-T

So I was feeling a little better today. I went to D's house to eat. Rice and fish. I couldn't finish it, and I don't think my stomach was ready for it either :( Took a little nap. Then my mom drove me home.

I felt every fricking bump in the road. She didn't even gently go over the speed bumps! She braked hard too. Stop-and-go motion. My poor stomach was not happy with any of that. Ugh.

My fever was gone this morning, but now I think it's coming back :( I was really hoping to feel better too -tears- I want to be better, so that I can finally get started on my homework. Mm, I need to go lie down. I was doing so well. I think I just pushed myself to eat solid food too soon. I just couldn't stand the thought of more rice and water. Even that thought makes me feel nauseous right now.

I think my condition is regressing. Great. Baka -_- Damn, damn, damn.

My mom lost my favorite cap...

in O Connor Hospital on Tuesday :( But the hospital just called and said they found my hat and I can go pick it up haha.

Anyway, I haven't been feeling well. Tummy ache, headache, dizziness, fever, and stuff. So I stayed home from school yesterday, and I'm staying home today as well. Been staying in bed as much as possible. Missing out on lots of stuff in school. Man, the last time I stayed home from school because I was sick was back in kindergarten when I got the chickenpox haha.

So on Tuesday, I went to the family doctor because I had had a stomachache since Sunday. They were surprised that I kept going to school even though I wasn't feeling well (c'mon, two weeks! I've got a speech, essays, and finals). The doctors were afraid that I might have appendicitis or something, so they sent me to the hospital. Two-hour wait! Ahh..

My mom didn't like that there were so many Mexicans in the hospital because of the whole swine flu thing -__- Man, she needs to chill out. Just because they're Mexican doesn't mean they're automatically infected.

Anyway, the hospital labeled me "male" because the receptionist thought I was a guy. Must be the hair. But that was corrected when I went to get an ultrasound of my appendix.

The doctors tested my blood and urine. All normal. They didn't know what was causing my abdominal pain and sent me home, telling me to buy Tylenol. Told me to come back in a week if I didn't get better or if I got worse. Hmm. And it was so frickin cold in the hospital, but I wasn't allowed to cover up because of the fever.

And right now, I'm sooo damn hungry, but all I'm allowed to eat is a mix of rice and water (the Viet version of gruel XP). I've been craving steak for days, but the doctors are afraid meat would affect my stomachache badly. So I have to wait another day.

Grr. I hope I feel better by like tonight or something, so I can eat better-tasting food. I can't even finish the rice and water because it tastes so gross to me now. If I was sick with the flu, then it would taste great. But I don't have the flu (I don't know what I have), so it tastes disgusting.

Ahh.. I have hella homework to catch up on this weekend. I haven't been able to do any homework because I can't focus on anything but the aches. And gah! On Tuesday, in English, I realized I wrote down the wrong due date for my English essay. Instead of being due on May 12th, it's due on May 5th -__- Next Tuesday. That means I gotta get started and finish this weekend. My Poli Sci speech is on the same day. And my Poli Sci paper is due Thursday (need to do it this weekend too!). Grr, so much stuff, and I don't even know if I'll feel well enough to do it all this weekend. This is why I shouldn't put things off because something might happen at the last minute. But I can't focus when I get started early.

Ahh. Just two more weeks. Two more. Please let me finish and do well. And feel well.

I wish I could eat better food. The rice makes me wanna gag -__-

I've also been drinking Pedialyte. Mother keeps calling it "puddalite," so it sounds more like "Budlite." Oh yeah, they're giving me beer to cure whatever I have.

Mm k, there is more I could say, but I don't feel very well, sitting up for so long -_- So I'm gonna go watch TV in bed haha. Though, basic satellite channels doesn't give me much variety. Oh, the consequences of saving money :P