Or not.
I occasionally edit my profile on Facebook. Adding information, removing information. I get tired of the information I leave on there. There's so much I want to say, yet so little I want to share. Besides, it seems that no one ever reads the profiles before or after they add a friend. When people add me, they tend to ask questions to which the answers have already been given. So I figure I should just remove all information about myself. But I don't because I'm still holding onto the hope that people check.
Really, what is the point of having a profile if nobody ever reads them? I read them. Obviously, my friends wouldn't mind if I knew stuff about them. So I read.
So I was editing my profile this morning because I didn't know what else to do. I removed some of the few facts I had there. I didn't really add anything. Well, I revealed my birth date because my friends keep wondering why I don't share it. I don't know. I just don't care if people remember. And well, it means more to me if they can remember on their own without Facebook's reminders. But eh -shrug- again, why should I care? A birthday is just another day.
I removed all my favorite book titles. No one really cares. Actually, I'm pretty sure no one cares that I edited my profile. It's a trivial matter. Thank goodness. We're not completely sucked into the online social networking lifestyle.
I reduced the number of favorite quotes to the three that I am most fond of. A quote from The Buddha (Siddhartha Gautama), a quote from Elbert Hubbard, and a quote from Real Live Preacher (Gordon Atkinson). They speak to me haha.
When I got to the "About Me" section, I didn't know what to write. When I had gotten my second Facebook, I left the section blank. Then I put in two or three long paragraphs. Then reduced it down to one paragraph. Then a few lines. Then two lines.
This morning, I started writing something new:
"I feel like I never use the right words. So I resort to silent understanding. I don't know how to comfort people; I just know to hug when I should."
Then I stopped. Is this how I want to "introduce" myself to people? I mean, pretty much everyone who is a friend on Facebook already knows me (well, hopefully they do). How do I talk about myself with people who already know who I am? (Bigger question: How do I talk to people?)
So I went back to my original two-liner and changed it to one: "I am friend or stranger, but I will never be your enemy."
Corny and lame. But better that than some "Hi, my name is... I like..."
I want to delete my Facebook again because it makes me think like this. I have "friends" (fewer than in my first account), but I don't really talk with most of them. We don't keep in touch. Not even a poke. What is Facebook doing for me? Why do I have a Facebook? Why did I get another one? Oh yeah, because I needed to talk to one person and the only way to contact her was through Facebook. I was supposed to just use Facebook to talk to people when I needed to. But then friends started adding me or asking me to add them. And I, being the nice person that I am, oblige and am left feeling disappointed.
People who know who I am and who kinda care about me. But they don't really care. They have closer friends to think about. Why do I care so much?
There's not much to do on Facebook. Yet, I log on at least once every day. I suppose Facebook helps me keep up with what's going on in people's lives. But I'm trying to not do anything on the computer. But I have nothing to do. Except reading and doing homework. I need to go to campus to do homework. I have no focus at home. Schoolwork should remain in school. Not home.
Honestly, I feel like I'm losing touch with everyone. I know I am.
Facebook makes me feel more detached from the world than it should.
What am I doing? I'm complaining.. About what's not happening. About what I'm not doing. About what I'm not trying. Passivity. It's a vice.
I'm complaining. Why am I complaining? I don't deserve to complain. What a vice.
What deserts shall I receive, if any? None, I shall have none, for I have not done.
Or should it be "None, I shall have none, for naught I have done"? I don't know if either is grammatically correct. I think the latter sounds better and is more poetically appealing though :P
Change. I need change. Or else I'm gonna be in this funk for much too long. A change in environment. A change in mindset. A change in something.
I'll figure it out. I will.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Thinking and driving
I drive Brother to work quite often. At least three times a week. I usually don't mind. I actually enjoy it. Or at least a part of the drive. The only times I'm ever annoyed is when I have other stuff I want to do and the request for a chauffeur is at the last minute.
I'm also annoyed when Brother demands that I drive him anywhere. If he asks, then I'm all right with driving him. But when he orders me to drive him, I just get irritated.
I realize that I don't really care about driving, but I do actually enjoy driving. Alone, for the most part. When Mother or Brother is in the car with me, the experience is less enjoyable. I don't mind driving friends because we can talk about things or I can listen to the conversation. But with Mother and Brother, conversation is not something I really look forward to.
Hm, I usually take 85 and 87 to drive Brother to work. I just put on some music and hope that there's not much conversation. But Brother likes to talk and vent. So I listen, unless my irritability gets the best of me. I try not to let it, but it gets hard sometimes. Especially if one of us has received Mother's wrath just before leaving the house. Mm, generally, the drive to Brother's work isn't too bad. Especially if I drive fast (enough to get him out of the car sooner).
When I head home from GJ, I have the car to myself.
Sometimes, I take the freeway back home to get there sooner. Speed, great speed. Sometimes, I really need the speed, the adrenaline, the risk. I never really remember anything from these drives because I'm just so focused on the speed, the wind that I can feel beating against the car. Occasionally, I do remember why I'm speeding.
Once in a while, I take the freeway, but I don't pass the speed limit. Stick to 65 mph. Stay in the third or fourth lane. The tailgaters eventually pass me (if they get the hint that I'm not speeding up). I usually don't think about anything during these drives because I'm focusing on the speed limit. If I do end up thinking, I start speeding up accidentally. So I try not to think and just drive.
My most frequent route to take, however, is Monterey Road. Slower than the freeway speeds, though sometimes I go as fast as 65 mph just because.
To get to Monterey Road from GJ, I head east on St John, south on Fourth, east on Santa Clara, and then south on Tenth. I like driving by school, by the student apartments. I always look up at the apartments when I drive down Tenth. I don't know why. I just look. I often have the urge to go park in the parking garage and walk around campus at night. But I don't... And I keep driving. When I get to Franklin Elementary (my first school), I turn west and head toward Monterey Road. Left at the Seventh St light and head on down Old Tully Road. Left at the light and I'm on Monterey.
I stick to the second lane. The first lane is too fast, and the third, too slow. Also, there's less risk of running over a jaywalker in the second lane. Gives me more time to react. I learned.
Usually, I just head straight down Monterey until I get to the Bernal overpass. Sometimes, this seems too quick.
I want more time to think. With music. Or sing with music haha. So I turn right at Skyway, Branham, or Chynoweth to drive down Snell and Santa Teresa toward home. I like passing ST. Remember the feeling of being in high school with friends. Think about all the people who aren't around anymore. Nostalgia. I used to drive by ST a lot during my first year of college. This past semester, I did it less. I need to let go.
If I don't want too much more time in the car, I drive onto the Blossom Hill ramp from Monterey. Left on Lean.
Hm, I always end up thinking the same things over and over.
I always end up wishing I could drive longer.
Don't go home. Just keep driving, keep thinking. But I know if I keep driving, I would get in trouble for not coming home on time.
I don't know why I started this entry. But as I was driving home from GJ, I was thinking about this. Thinking about a lot of things. Thinking about talking to people, to someone. I kept looking at the passenger seat next to me. I don't know why.
Off-topic: I want, but I don't want. Does that make any sense? I'm not sure it does (outside of my head). Maybe because I'm not explaining it. Yeah, that could be it.
Back to the topic: I enjoy driving. I don't really care much about the act of driving. It gets me from place to place, and that's that. With or without a destination, driving helps sometimes. I don't know how, but it does. Though, I'm sure it's only because I get to think. Driving alone is the best alone time I can get. The car has to be moving. If it stops and I'm just sitting, it's the same as if I'm sitting at home and thinking.
I should bike more. Or walk more. Or maybe sitting and thinking is the best way to go.
Oh, Brother purchased a U-lock and a rear bike light for me today. Fifty bucks D: He's gonna buy a chain for me too. Maybe I should have gotten the U-lock and chain set. Oh well. I need to go to the Student Union to get an access key to the bike enclosures. Maybe Monday. I won't start biking any time soon though, I don't think. It's supposed to rain for a week -_-
I may or may not go to campus tomorrow. I don't wanna stay home. I didn't want to stay home today, but I didn't have much of a choice. Stuff got in the way. Literally. The Harwells (landlord and landlady) came by to trim the tree in front of the house. Branches and leaves blocked the pathway in front of the house. And I was also obligated to pick up Brother and drive him around.
Anyway, I probably won't go to campus tomorrow because I shouldn't. Why I shouldn't, I don't know. I just feel like I shouldn't, even though I want to.
I don't feel like I'm making sense anymore. I'm going to bed early tonight. Maybe I'll get better sleep if I lie down earlier than 11.
Last thoughts: Although I'm only halfway done with the novel, I can say that Watchers, written by Dean Koontz, is quite interesting. I can relate to Nora, though not to such an extreme extent, I suppose. I know I'm not all that bad. I don't doubt myself so much that I can't look anyone directly in the eye. But I know I think like her. We know how good we can be and how much we deserve. Yet, knowing is hardly believing... And...
I want to be reclusive.
I'm also annoyed when Brother demands that I drive him anywhere. If he asks, then I'm all right with driving him. But when he orders me to drive him, I just get irritated.
I realize that I don't really care about driving, but I do actually enjoy driving. Alone, for the most part. When Mother or Brother is in the car with me, the experience is less enjoyable. I don't mind driving friends because we can talk about things or I can listen to the conversation. But with Mother and Brother, conversation is not something I really look forward to.
Hm, I usually take 85 and 87 to drive Brother to work. I just put on some music and hope that there's not much conversation. But Brother likes to talk and vent. So I listen, unless my irritability gets the best of me. I try not to let it, but it gets hard sometimes. Especially if one of us has received Mother's wrath just before leaving the house. Mm, generally, the drive to Brother's work isn't too bad. Especially if I drive fast (enough to get him out of the car sooner).
When I head home from GJ, I have the car to myself.
Sometimes, I take the freeway back home to get there sooner. Speed, great speed. Sometimes, I really need the speed, the adrenaline, the risk. I never really remember anything from these drives because I'm just so focused on the speed, the wind that I can feel beating against the car. Occasionally, I do remember why I'm speeding.
Once in a while, I take the freeway, but I don't pass the speed limit. Stick to 65 mph. Stay in the third or fourth lane. The tailgaters eventually pass me (if they get the hint that I'm not speeding up). I usually don't think about anything during these drives because I'm focusing on the speed limit. If I do end up thinking, I start speeding up accidentally. So I try not to think and just drive.
My most frequent route to take, however, is Monterey Road. Slower than the freeway speeds, though sometimes I go as fast as 65 mph just because.
To get to Monterey Road from GJ, I head east on St John, south on Fourth, east on Santa Clara, and then south on Tenth. I like driving by school, by the student apartments. I always look up at the apartments when I drive down Tenth. I don't know why. I just look. I often have the urge to go park in the parking garage and walk around campus at night. But I don't... And I keep driving. When I get to Franklin Elementary (my first school), I turn west and head toward Monterey Road. Left at the Seventh St light and head on down Old Tully Road. Left at the light and I'm on Monterey.
I stick to the second lane. The first lane is too fast, and the third, too slow. Also, there's less risk of running over a jaywalker in the second lane. Gives me more time to react. I learned.
Usually, I just head straight down Monterey until I get to the Bernal overpass. Sometimes, this seems too quick.
I want more time to think. With music. Or sing with music haha. So I turn right at Skyway, Branham, or Chynoweth to drive down Snell and Santa Teresa toward home. I like passing ST. Remember the feeling of being in high school with friends. Think about all the people who aren't around anymore. Nostalgia. I used to drive by ST a lot during my first year of college. This past semester, I did it less. I need to let go.
If I don't want too much more time in the car, I drive onto the Blossom Hill ramp from Monterey. Left on Lean.
Hm, I always end up thinking the same things over and over.
I always end up wishing I could drive longer.
Don't go home. Just keep driving, keep thinking. But I know if I keep driving, I would get in trouble for not coming home on time.
I don't know why I started this entry. But as I was driving home from GJ, I was thinking about this. Thinking about a lot of things. Thinking about talking to people, to someone. I kept looking at the passenger seat next to me. I don't know why.
Off-topic: I want, but I don't want. Does that make any sense? I'm not sure it does (outside of my head). Maybe because I'm not explaining it. Yeah, that could be it.
Back to the topic: I enjoy driving. I don't really care much about the act of driving. It gets me from place to place, and that's that. With or without a destination, driving helps sometimes. I don't know how, but it does. Though, I'm sure it's only because I get to think. Driving alone is the best alone time I can get. The car has to be moving. If it stops and I'm just sitting, it's the same as if I'm sitting at home and thinking.
I should bike more. Or walk more. Or maybe sitting and thinking is the best way to go.
Oh, Brother purchased a U-lock and a rear bike light for me today. Fifty bucks D: He's gonna buy a chain for me too. Maybe I should have gotten the U-lock and chain set. Oh well. I need to go to the Student Union to get an access key to the bike enclosures. Maybe Monday. I won't start biking any time soon though, I don't think. It's supposed to rain for a week -_-
I may or may not go to campus tomorrow. I don't wanna stay home. I didn't want to stay home today, but I didn't have much of a choice. Stuff got in the way. Literally. The Harwells (landlord and landlady) came by to trim the tree in front of the house. Branches and leaves blocked the pathway in front of the house. And I was also obligated to pick up Brother and drive him around.
Anyway, I probably won't go to campus tomorrow because I shouldn't. Why I shouldn't, I don't know. I just feel like I shouldn't, even though I want to.
I don't feel like I'm making sense anymore. I'm going to bed early tonight. Maybe I'll get better sleep if I lie down earlier than 11.
Last thoughts: Although I'm only halfway done with the novel, I can say that Watchers, written by Dean Koontz, is quite interesting. I can relate to Nora, though not to such an extreme extent, I suppose. I know I'm not all that bad. I don't doubt myself so much that I can't look anyone directly in the eye. But I know I think like her. We know how good we can be and how much we deserve. Yet, knowing is hardly believing... And...
I want to be reclusive.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
First 3 days of Spring '10 - Done!
I haven't been updating about the first days of semester because I've been coming home around 18h00, 19h00, or 20h00. Just waayyy exhausted every day. Even though, I don't really do anything haha.
I'm sure there are a lot of things I want to remember about my first days of classes, but my head hurts too much to remember all of them -_-
Linguistics 20: Interesting professor. P Lowenberg. Tries a bit too hard to make the class laugh. But it's endearing haha. And sometimes, he really does say something funny. Though, he sure puts in quite a few sexual harrassment and "I'm a racist" jokes >_> haha. I think I'll enjoy this class, but we'll see. I've already finished the short homework for the class. I wish all my homework would be this easy XP
Sociology 1: I learned that it's going to be a mixed mode class (half the semester in the physical classroom, other half online). And I had to buy the textbook after all. Though, I actually bought the e-book with the access code to the MySocLab website. Fun stuff. Still haven't started on the work for this class D: But it's due Feb 9, so I should be ok.
Asian American Studies 33B: Same professors as last semester. Do and Doi. A bit more reading (still haven't finished it -_-). Same format. Not much to say, except that Do pretty much repeated his introduction from the Fall semester. Ah, also had to buy an extra book for this class because Spartan Bookstore didn't show the complete required reading list online -_- Also realized that I sold a book that I need for this class. Sold it two weeks ago for twenty dollars -_- I suppose I can just ask to borrow someone else's copy for three days when the time comes.
French 1B: Prof is L Pilot. Her last name is actually longer and hyphenated. But Pilot works. She's actually French :) We reviewed 1A stuff. I remember all of it from high school. Though, I forgot a few things, such as the word for "sweater" haha. I think the prof suggested we take an assessment in Clark Hall to determine our skill level in French, but I'm honestly too lazy to go. Though, I think my level of French is a bit more advanced than most of the other students'. I found myself correcting their grammatical and phonetic errors in my head. But I think I will like this class. I hope I will.
My classes seem to be interesting so far. However, there's also more work than I'm used to haha. I shouldn't have taken all those easy classes last semester XP Totally set myself up for a crash for this semester. I mean, it's still not that much work this semester, but it's way more than last semester. I'm not sure if I can still change gears, you know?
So since I get to campus by 9h00 in the morning and I leave campus around 17h00 or 18h00 in the evening, I've been trying to occupy my time with stuff.
Tuesday, I ran into Justina and talked to her for a while. I don't remember what I was doing before I talked to her though. From when I can remember until noon, I just chilled with Justina in the library. We talked about a whole bunch of things that I don't quite remember. But yay for long, rambling conversations that last for almost three hours.
At noon, I was going to walk around campus for fun -shrug- but I decided to call Rose to see if she was on campus. Church. haha. Of course, free food. She, Tommy, and I walked to the LDS church. When we were inside, John was crying :/ His uncle just recently passed away. It sucked to see John like that because I've always just seen him as the goofball. Never really saw the serious side of him, unless he was talking about photography. Ooh, he showed us his set from a recent Viet wedding he did. Apparently, the bride's family didn't like him because he was only part Asian, not pure XP
Hmm, after lunch, I went to Linguistics. After Linguistics, around 14h30 or so, I went to Shiva's room. Chilled with her and Brian L until 16h10. We watched anime haha. "Ghost Story" or something like that. Then I went to Sociology. Then QTIP, where members were just chillaxin' haha. Talking about break and whatnot. Sascha(sp?) is stepping down as co-chair, so Alex L is gonna be top dog from now on unless someone else steps up too. Mallory is also stepping down as co-secretary. Bunch of other stuff, but I don't remember -_-
Wednesday, AAS at 9h00. Got out a lil early around 10h00. Sat at a bench and did homework until 11h00. Called Shiva. She was in her hip hop dance class. I went to the class, sat on the side, and listened to Kieth Pinto talk to the class. He gave a lil demo of some dance moves. Not the best stuff I've seen (I mean, Ariane's crew has cleaner moves), but still good haha.
Ooh, I recognized like two or three students in the class haha. I think I wanna join the class just for fun. I'm not really sure yet. Honestly, I just wanna sit and watch. But I don't think I'm allowed to XP Not sure if I'm even allowed to join the class for fun without a grade haha. I mean, I remember students taking my PE classes last semester weren't actually ever in the classes. They were just there to learn for fun.
Anyway, after that class, I chilled with Shiva and Brian again. More anime, yay. Then French at 15h00. Then headed home around 17h00.
Today, I spent an hour and a half at a bench, reading for AAS. I didn't finish -_- but I was getting sleepy (two hours of sleep last night!!). Went to chill with Shiva for a lil bit. Left around 11h40 for the Event Center to go buy a book from someone for AAS. Ten bucks for a novel called Strangers from a Different Shore.
Walked down the Seventh Street Plaza and saw Brian L with the Formula vehicle from last year. Trying to recruit girls because his team is a total sausage fest (those were his words). He made a dollar ring and a diamond ring :P Cathy and Ton from Q&A stopped by to check out the car. Cathy wanted to stand on the car haha. She stood on a tire instead. Then we heard a crack. Didn't know what that was. Oh, I also looked through Brian's lil doodles and whatnot. Autobiographical art is always fun to look at and wonder about :P I want to hear him sing karaoke now haha.
Went to Linguistics. Got to know a fellow classmate a bit. Saki. Japanese, freshman, Leigh alum, switching from Graphic Design to CHAD. Yeah. I'm trying to remember people.
Lately, my memory's been quite... glitchy D: My sleep isn't getting any better. I think it might actually be getting worse. I go to bed around 23h00, but I can't fall asleep until midnight or later. It's been like this for at least three weeks. And when I do sleep, I don't get restful sleep. Dreams are bothering me. I wish I would stop having these dreams. They disturb me too much, and I don't even know why. They just do.
Anyway, after Linguistics, I went back to Brian. Shiva was there. Some conversation about Twilight O_o Oh, reminds me, Justina HATES Twilight. She will not be friends with anyone who does like Twilight ahaha. Such a passion in her rant, I actually believe her :P
Back to today haha, Shiva and I went to her apartment. Some food and talk (about clothes and high school). Brian joined us soon after. More anime. "Witch Hunter Robin." Small battle between Brian and Shiva. Such violent people. I'm afraid they might bring out the violent side of me that I long ago fought to suppress.
At 16h46, it was brought to my attention that I was late for class. I wanted to stay. Late is late. Doesn't even matter because it was Sociology (no roll call). Shiva and Brian made me leave. I left. Ten minutes later, I found out there was no class (I really need to print out my class syllabus). Another ten minutes later, I was back at Shiva's. More "Witch Hunter Robin." Interesting series. The artwork irks me a lil. Most of the characters are always pouting or appear to. Yet, they all lack emotion. Kinda seem bleak.
Oh, and there was a battle for my Fierce-Nice hat -__- They teamed up against me. That wasn't fair.
Mm, at one point, Brian and I started singing/saying lines from "The Internet Is for Porn" haha.
Ah, Brian showed some YouTube clips of Victor Borge, a comedian/pianist. Funny guy. You should watch the clips :)
What else? What else? Ahh, my brain hurts T-T
Oh, I followed Shiva and Brian as they prepared for Kendo. I carried Brian's shinai bag. There was a small group of club members outside the Spartan Complex. I recognized Ashley from dance class, though I'm not sure she remembered me. Mm, Sensei remembered me :P well, kinda, just as a guest who's a friend with someone in the club haha.
It was about 19h00, so I didn't stay. Sensei was saddened, hurt. His exact words, as I was leaving: "You sure know how to hurt a person, huh?" D: I told him I hadn't told Mother that I would be staying this long, so she was upset that I wasn't home yet (which is the truth). Said I would try to go next week.
Honestly, as interesting as kendo is, I don't think I would commit. Like I've said before, I don't commit to things. At the most, I would go watch. I like to watch. I'm a spectator/voyeur at heart haha :P Well, I mean, there are a few things that are holding me back, I suppose. All of them are really just based on one thing, but eh -shrug-
I talked about this with Harrison after I left the Spartan Complex. Always just this one thing. Ahh..
Anyway, yeah, Harrison's gonna be my light rail buddy again this semester haha. At least for the first half of it when it's still dark out as I go home. As soon as DST starts, I'll be all right haha. And if I can get the whole bike thing going, I'll be all right.
After three days of school/campus time, I am just friggin' tired. On campus all day, basically doing nothing but listening, getting to know people, and just sitting around. Well, I've been doing a lot of walking too. But yeah.
This major exhaustion is keeping me from doing all of my homework -__- I still need to read hella stuff, answer homework questions, and prepare for all the essays I have for this semester. Several essays, some long, some short. All in all, they're still essays -_- I don't wanna be thinking about them. But I am.
I'm wasting my on-campus time. But I can't focus on stuff because I'm tired from being on campus all day and not sleeping well at night. Just friggin' terrible. I need to adjust my routine or something. I dunno. Less chillin' with people, maybe :/ Well, less chillin' with Brian and Shiva haha. 'Cause almost none of my other friends are free during my breaks or they go home early :/ But I don't wanna chill less. I need to chill more XP
I need to fix my sleep schedule. I need to reorganize. Again -_- This time, I need to do a better job. I need a better routine. Need to commit haha.
Oh wow, I'm not sure if any of this made sense. All jumbled and whatever. My brain is not functioning well. Must be the lack of sleep. Shall go to sleep. And still wake up at 7. Or maybe just for this weekend, I'll wake up at 8 again. Just to regain some of that lost sleep. That's if I can sleep. I'm really tired. But agh, head not thinking well anymore T-T But but I'm still trying to think. I should give up. Too many thoughts rushing through my head for me to be coherent anymore. Am I repeating myself? I feel like I'm repeating myself. Blah.
I'm sure there are a lot of things I want to remember about my first days of classes, but my head hurts too much to remember all of them -_-
Linguistics 20: Interesting professor. P Lowenberg. Tries a bit too hard to make the class laugh. But it's endearing haha. And sometimes, he really does say something funny. Though, he sure puts in quite a few sexual harrassment and "I'm a racist" jokes >_> haha. I think I'll enjoy this class, but we'll see. I've already finished the short homework for the class. I wish all my homework would be this easy XP
Sociology 1: I learned that it's going to be a mixed mode class (half the semester in the physical classroom, other half online). And I had to buy the textbook after all. Though, I actually bought the e-book with the access code to the MySocLab website. Fun stuff. Still haven't started on the work for this class D: But it's due Feb 9, so I should be ok.
Asian American Studies 33B: Same professors as last semester. Do and Doi. A bit more reading (still haven't finished it -_-). Same format. Not much to say, except that Do pretty much repeated his introduction from the Fall semester. Ah, also had to buy an extra book for this class because Spartan Bookstore didn't show the complete required reading list online -_- Also realized that I sold a book that I need for this class. Sold it two weeks ago for twenty dollars -_- I suppose I can just ask to borrow someone else's copy for three days when the time comes.
French 1B: Prof is L Pilot. Her last name is actually longer and hyphenated. But Pilot works. She's actually French :) We reviewed 1A stuff. I remember all of it from high school. Though, I forgot a few things, such as the word for "sweater" haha. I think the prof suggested we take an assessment in Clark Hall to determine our skill level in French, but I'm honestly too lazy to go. Though, I think my level of French is a bit more advanced than most of the other students'. I found myself correcting their grammatical and phonetic errors in my head. But I think I will like this class. I hope I will.
My classes seem to be interesting so far. However, there's also more work than I'm used to haha. I shouldn't have taken all those easy classes last semester XP Totally set myself up for a crash for this semester. I mean, it's still not that much work this semester, but it's way more than last semester. I'm not sure if I can still change gears, you know?
So since I get to campus by 9h00 in the morning and I leave campus around 17h00 or 18h00 in the evening, I've been trying to occupy my time with stuff.
Tuesday, I ran into Justina and talked to her for a while. I don't remember what I was doing before I talked to her though. From when I can remember until noon, I just chilled with Justina in the library. We talked about a whole bunch of things that I don't quite remember. But yay for long, rambling conversations that last for almost three hours.
At noon, I was going to walk around campus for fun -shrug- but I decided to call Rose to see if she was on campus. Church. haha. Of course, free food. She, Tommy, and I walked to the LDS church. When we were inside, John was crying :/ His uncle just recently passed away. It sucked to see John like that because I've always just seen him as the goofball. Never really saw the serious side of him, unless he was talking about photography. Ooh, he showed us his set from a recent Viet wedding he did. Apparently, the bride's family didn't like him because he was only part Asian, not pure XP
Hmm, after lunch, I went to Linguistics. After Linguistics, around 14h30 or so, I went to Shiva's room. Chilled with her and Brian L until 16h10. We watched anime haha. "Ghost Story" or something like that. Then I went to Sociology. Then QTIP, where members were just chillaxin' haha. Talking about break and whatnot. Sascha(sp?) is stepping down as co-chair, so Alex L is gonna be top dog from now on unless someone else steps up too. Mallory is also stepping down as co-secretary. Bunch of other stuff, but I don't remember -_-
Wednesday, AAS at 9h00. Got out a lil early around 10h00. Sat at a bench and did homework until 11h00. Called Shiva. She was in her hip hop dance class. I went to the class, sat on the side, and listened to Kieth Pinto talk to the class. He gave a lil demo of some dance moves. Not the best stuff I've seen (I mean, Ariane's crew has cleaner moves), but still good haha.
Ooh, I recognized like two or three students in the class haha. I think I wanna join the class just for fun. I'm not really sure yet. Honestly, I just wanna sit and watch. But I don't think I'm allowed to XP Not sure if I'm even allowed to join the class for fun without a grade haha. I mean, I remember students taking my PE classes last semester weren't actually ever in the classes. They were just there to learn for fun.
Anyway, after that class, I chilled with Shiva and Brian again. More anime, yay. Then French at 15h00. Then headed home around 17h00.
Today, I spent an hour and a half at a bench, reading for AAS. I didn't finish -_- but I was getting sleepy (two hours of sleep last night!!). Went to chill with Shiva for a lil bit. Left around 11h40 for the Event Center to go buy a book from someone for AAS. Ten bucks for a novel called Strangers from a Different Shore.
Walked down the Seventh Street Plaza and saw Brian L with the Formula vehicle from last year. Trying to recruit girls because his team is a total sausage fest (those were his words). He made a dollar ring and a diamond ring :P Cathy and Ton from Q&A stopped by to check out the car. Cathy wanted to stand on the car haha. She stood on a tire instead. Then we heard a crack. Didn't know what that was. Oh, I also looked through Brian's lil doodles and whatnot. Autobiographical art is always fun to look at and wonder about :P I want to hear him sing karaoke now haha.
Went to Linguistics. Got to know a fellow classmate a bit. Saki. Japanese, freshman, Leigh alum, switching from Graphic Design to CHAD. Yeah. I'm trying to remember people.
Lately, my memory's been quite... glitchy D: My sleep isn't getting any better. I think it might actually be getting worse. I go to bed around 23h00, but I can't fall asleep until midnight or later. It's been like this for at least three weeks. And when I do sleep, I don't get restful sleep. Dreams are bothering me. I wish I would stop having these dreams. They disturb me too much, and I don't even know why. They just do.
Anyway, after Linguistics, I went back to Brian. Shiva was there. Some conversation about Twilight O_o Oh, reminds me, Justina HATES Twilight. She will not be friends with anyone who does like Twilight ahaha. Such a passion in her rant, I actually believe her :P
Back to today haha, Shiva and I went to her apartment. Some food and talk (about clothes and high school). Brian joined us soon after. More anime. "Witch Hunter Robin." Small battle between Brian and Shiva. Such violent people. I'm afraid they might bring out the violent side of me that I long ago fought to suppress.
At 16h46, it was brought to my attention that I was late for class. I wanted to stay. Late is late. Doesn't even matter because it was Sociology (no roll call). Shiva and Brian made me leave. I left. Ten minutes later, I found out there was no class (I really need to print out my class syllabus). Another ten minutes later, I was back at Shiva's. More "Witch Hunter Robin." Interesting series. The artwork irks me a lil. Most of the characters are always pouting or appear to. Yet, they all lack emotion. Kinda seem bleak.
Oh, and there was a battle for my Fierce-Nice hat -__- They teamed up against me. That wasn't fair.
Mm, at one point, Brian and I started singing/saying lines from "The Internet Is for Porn" haha.
Ah, Brian showed some YouTube clips of Victor Borge, a comedian/pianist. Funny guy. You should watch the clips :)
What else? What else? Ahh, my brain hurts T-T
Oh, I followed Shiva and Brian as they prepared for Kendo. I carried Brian's shinai bag. There was a small group of club members outside the Spartan Complex. I recognized Ashley from dance class, though I'm not sure she remembered me. Mm, Sensei remembered me :P well, kinda, just as a guest who's a friend with someone in the club haha.
It was about 19h00, so I didn't stay. Sensei was saddened, hurt. His exact words, as I was leaving: "You sure know how to hurt a person, huh?" D: I told him I hadn't told Mother that I would be staying this long, so she was upset that I wasn't home yet (which is the truth). Said I would try to go next week.
Honestly, as interesting as kendo is, I don't think I would commit. Like I've said before, I don't commit to things. At the most, I would go watch. I like to watch. I'm a spectator/voyeur at heart haha :P Well, I mean, there are a few things that are holding me back, I suppose. All of them are really just based on one thing, but eh -shrug-
I talked about this with Harrison after I left the Spartan Complex. Always just this one thing. Ahh..
Anyway, yeah, Harrison's gonna be my light rail buddy again this semester haha. At least for the first half of it when it's still dark out as I go home. As soon as DST starts, I'll be all right haha. And if I can get the whole bike thing going, I'll be all right.
After three days of school/campus time, I am just friggin' tired. On campus all day, basically doing nothing but listening, getting to know people, and just sitting around. Well, I've been doing a lot of walking too. But yeah.
This major exhaustion is keeping me from doing all of my homework -__- I still need to read hella stuff, answer homework questions, and prepare for all the essays I have for this semester. Several essays, some long, some short. All in all, they're still essays -_- I don't wanna be thinking about them. But I am.
I'm wasting my on-campus time. But I can't focus on stuff because I'm tired from being on campus all day and not sleeping well at night. Just friggin' terrible. I need to adjust my routine or something. I dunno. Less chillin' with people, maybe :/ Well, less chillin' with Brian and Shiva haha. 'Cause almost none of my other friends are free during my breaks or they go home early :/ But I don't wanna chill less. I need to chill more XP
I need to fix my sleep schedule. I need to reorganize. Again -_- This time, I need to do a better job. I need a better routine. Need to commit haha.
Oh wow, I'm not sure if any of this made sense. All jumbled and whatever. My brain is not functioning well. Must be the lack of sleep. Shall go to sleep. And still wake up at 7. Or maybe just for this weekend, I'll wake up at 8 again. Just to regain some of that lost sleep. That's if I can sleep. I'm really tired. But agh, head not thinking well anymore T-T But but I'm still trying to think. I should give up. Too many thoughts rushing through my head for me to be coherent anymore. Am I repeating myself? I feel like I'm repeating myself. Blah.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Amazing landscapes :D
Landscapes
Who knew such things were possible? haha. It's pretty awesome. I thought they were real. I'll look for his other works later after I come home from school.
So yay, I switched from French 1A to 1B this morning. Let one of the wait listers take my spot in 1A. 1B still has empty seats :O
Mm, so I was supposed to wake up at 06h15 this morning, but my alarm clock never went off. I'll have to take a look at that later too. Luckily, I didn't turn off my alarms from Winter Break. So I did get up at 06h30. It just meant I had to shorten my morning routine a lil bit more than I wanted to. I was planning to shorten it enough just to switch classes and update before I leave for the light rail.
And yeah, I'm really gonna be on campus at 09h00 every day, even though I don't start till 13h30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. People thought I was joking. I'm not. I'm trying to make a habit of showing up early to everything. I don't like being late. So TTh mornings, I'll either be doing homework or reading at a bench or in the library. Most likely a bench outside if it's not raining.
And I still need to find out when everyone's breaks are. For now, I know when I can hang out with Shiva and Lisa. Still need to ask Albert, Amy, Christine, Rose and her friends, and a few others that I can't quite think of right now.
I'm hoping I can get used to my schedule for this semester because I'm gonna be hella tired when I go home. After dark. Can't wait for Daylight Savings Time. Then it will be light out when I go home :D Then I could ride my bike. Still need to buy a lock and lights though -_- Maybe this weekend. Anyone wanna go with me?
Trying to start a new routine. Hit and miss for a while, but I'll get it right. A water bottle and two sandwiches a day. Yay. This will be interesting. I think I'm too excited for school to start again :O Must be because I know how much things are gonna change this semester, hm. Blah.
Ok. Leaving for the light rail now. I hope this semester goes well. For me, for you, for everyone. Yeah.
Who knew such things were possible? haha. It's pretty awesome. I thought they were real. I'll look for his other works later after I come home from school.
So yay, I switched from French 1A to 1B this morning. Let one of the wait listers take my spot in 1A. 1B still has empty seats :O
Mm, so I was supposed to wake up at 06h15 this morning, but my alarm clock never went off. I'll have to take a look at that later too. Luckily, I didn't turn off my alarms from Winter Break. So I did get up at 06h30. It just meant I had to shorten my morning routine a lil bit more than I wanted to. I was planning to shorten it enough just to switch classes and update before I leave for the light rail.
And yeah, I'm really gonna be on campus at 09h00 every day, even though I don't start till 13h30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. People thought I was joking. I'm not. I'm trying to make a habit of showing up early to everything. I don't like being late. So TTh mornings, I'll either be doing homework or reading at a bench or in the library. Most likely a bench outside if it's not raining.
And I still need to find out when everyone's breaks are. For now, I know when I can hang out with Shiva and Lisa. Still need to ask Albert, Amy, Christine, Rose and her friends, and a few others that I can't quite think of right now.
I'm hoping I can get used to my schedule for this semester because I'm gonna be hella tired when I go home. After dark. Can't wait for Daylight Savings Time. Then it will be light out when I go home :D Then I could ride my bike. Still need to buy a lock and lights though -_- Maybe this weekend. Anyone wanna go with me?
Trying to start a new routine. Hit and miss for a while, but I'll get it right. A water bottle and two sandwiches a day. Yay. This will be interesting. I think I'm too excited for school to start again :O Must be because I know how much things are gonna change this semester, hm. Blah.
Ok. Leaving for the light rail now. I hope this semester goes well. For me, for you, for everyone. Yeah.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
French 1A or 1B?
Damn it. Now I'm thinking about switching from 1A to 1B. Probably an insignificant change, but it's stuck on my mind.
According to the French 1A syllabus, the class is for those who have never taken French. I've taken plenty of classes that I didn't need to take in college (e.g. English 1A, Physics 1, and Physics 1L). But I don't wanna have to relearn every simple thing from Madame's classes.
So I'm emailing the 1A professor and asking her opinion. I should probably also ask for the 1B professor's email. Hm XP
If the online registration site is correct, there is room for me in 1B. It's at the same time as 1A, and it uses the same textbook. Awesome.
Haha how sad. This is as exciting as my life can get as of late. A class change.
I don't know why I never think my classes through before I sign up for them. I start thinking about them just days before classes start. Always. I'm terrible. I cannot plan things at all haha. Aiyah, I feel like I'm going to be doing a lot of unnecessary things in my life -__- I need to find a direction. Quick. Eek.
According to the French 1A syllabus, the class is for those who have never taken French. I've taken plenty of classes that I didn't need to take in college (e.g. English 1A, Physics 1, and Physics 1L). But I don't wanna have to relearn every simple thing from Madame's classes.
So I'm emailing the 1A professor and asking her opinion. I should probably also ask for the 1B professor's email. Hm XP
If the online registration site is correct, there is room for me in 1B. It's at the same time as 1A, and it uses the same textbook. Awesome.
Haha how sad. This is as exciting as my life can get as of late. A class change.
I don't know why I never think my classes through before I sign up for them. I start thinking about them just days before classes start. Always. I'm terrible. I cannot plan things at all haha. Aiyah, I feel like I'm going to be doing a lot of unnecessary things in my life -__- I need to find a direction. Quick. Eek.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Code Geass...
So I just finished watching the final episode of "Code Geass." Bravo.
This is definitely one of my favorite animes :)
I had a love-hate relationship with both Suzaku and Lelouch. The idiocy and the ignorance and a few other things. But that's how it goes. And who could have predicted all the twists and turns? I couldn't. Except for the big ones. I never saw the small things coming, but the big ones I saw at least three episodes ahead haha :P
I haven't watched many cartoons that made me cry (aside from "Elfen Lied" and the movie "The Lion King" haha). During the ending, I had an "I told you so" mentality. Yeah, I was talking to my computer, while I was watching the show :P
The only thing that really ticks me off was that I predicted the ending. I need to stop doing that. Ruining the end for myself XP But yeah, I totally saw what was ultimately coming as soon as Charles and Marianne disappeared. Nonetheless, I feel satisfied. The ending was nicely played out :)
Man, this was such a good show. And I'm glad they ended it after two seasons. Another season would just ruin the "perfect" ending.
Lots of symbolism in this show. I usually don't care for the symbolism. But I noticed this time around. Good stuff.
Mm, chess is the shiznit :P
If you haven't watched this anime yet, go watch it. I'm usually not into anything that even remotely involves politics 'cause I usually can't follow. But Code Geass made it simple enough. Eventually haha. It's really all good stuff ^_^
This is definitely one of my favorite animes :)
I had a love-hate relationship with both Suzaku and Lelouch. The idiocy and the ignorance and a few other things. But that's how it goes. And who could have predicted all the twists and turns? I couldn't. Except for the big ones. I never saw the small things coming, but the big ones I saw at least three episodes ahead haha :P
I haven't watched many cartoons that made me cry (aside from "Elfen Lied" and the movie "The Lion King" haha). During the ending, I had an "I told you so" mentality. Yeah, I was talking to my computer, while I was watching the show :P
The only thing that really ticks me off was that I predicted the ending. I need to stop doing that. Ruining the end for myself XP But yeah, I totally saw what was ultimately coming as soon as Charles and Marianne disappeared. Nonetheless, I feel satisfied. The ending was nicely played out :)
Man, this was such a good show. And I'm glad they ended it after two seasons. Another season would just ruin the "perfect" ending.
Lots of symbolism in this show. I usually don't care for the symbolism. But I noticed this time around. Good stuff.
Mm, chess is the shiznit :P
If you haven't watched this anime yet, go watch it. I'm usually not into anything that even remotely involves politics 'cause I usually can't follow. But Code Geass made it simple enough. Eventually haha. It's really all good stuff ^_^
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I didn't fall :D
Mmmm, pomegranate ^__^ Yum!
So today, around 11h00, Lisa drove Amy, Christine, and me to Sharks Ice. We were there for about an hour and a half. Skated for maybe half that time. Spent the other half sitting, talking, strutting, posing, taking photos, recording a silly video haha. Apparently, Amy really is going to put the video on YouTube -_- Just silliness, no substance. Some laughter at my expense.
The ice got choppy, and I kept tripping. Then again, I always lose my balance on the ice. I didn't fall though :) I may have went sideways, backwards, and all over the place, almost running into Lisa a few times. But I did not fall. So that was different. And I'm still just used to hockey skates. I like those better haha. Regular skates are hard for me to balance in. More so than in hockey skates.
Ah, the lil boy in the hockey gear was sooo cute haha. And soo much better at skating than any of us XP The old lady with the lavender helmet was also better than me haha. She was taking a one-on-one lesson. You know, I had thought private lessons were actually private, but I guess not.
Oh, and Amy dissed Owl City D: She said it was the gayest music she'd ever heard T-T haha. How mean. I told her I liked Owl City. The way the music makes me feel kinda nostalgic. Apparently, she doesn't like "nostalgia" ): haha.
After the ice time, we all went to Panera Bread. Good stuff. Lisa got a second sandwich for free because her first sandwich had mustard and mayo in it :P Though, she had never specified that she didn't want them included haha. Eh, free food :P And you know I would have gotten an apple instead of chips, but all I heard was chips, apples, and something. When I heard "apple," I thought I must have heard wrong so I got the chips. Baked chips are good.
After Panera, we spent a while in Ross and Off Broadway Shoes. Hm, I think I may buy sneakers when I replace my current shoes. Skater shoes are awesome, but I kinda wanna start jogging or something haha. And I can't do shit in my Fallen shoes. Well, unless I learn how to skateboard haha.
Hm, we spent a while in Lisa's car because we didn't know what to do next. It was only 15h00. And you know, it didn't rain all that much this morning. However, when we decided to go to Amy's house, rain started pouring, and lightning brightened the sky.
Then Mother called, yelled, wanted me home. So Lisa drove me home.
Turns out Mother was angry because Comcast sent us a second bill -_- with a late fee. Even though, I canceled Comcast two months ago. Re-canceled it a month later. So I had to drive Mother down to the Comcast office near Sharks Ice to fix the problem. The whole time, she was yelling at me like it was my fault that the Comcast people didn't do their jobs correctly. Well, more like she blamed me for not going to the Comcast building the first time around -_- Like I would know that Comcast didn't follow through on anything. We found out from the representative at the office that the canceling was still being processed because someone typed it in but didn't complete the process. Twice? I guess so. Must be a trend within the company.
So if we don't get our refund in three weeks, we get to come back to the office and complain.
After this, I drove Mother around some more. Now I'm home.
On the radio, there was a catchy song playing on 92.3. Can't believe I had never heard it before today.
I can't put up the actual music video because the embedding codes are all disabled. But yeah, catchy, yeah?
Also, check your bread before you eat it -nods- Never know. Could be moldy. Or not.
Seven days... Seven days... I was totally thinking of "Ringu," not the fact that semester starts in a week -grins and nods- Amy practically reprimanded me for saying, "Seven days..." She didn't want to be reminded of school XP
Oh, and I forgot. Sad stuff, but yeah. The kid who was stabbed (I already said this) was my friend's cousin. I found out on Sunday from Ayana that one of the kids who stabbed him was the brother of one of my other friends :/ Why all this depressing shit happens, I don't fuckin' know. But life goes on, doesn't it?
Ah, I ended such a nice entry with such a sad thought. Meh..
So today, around 11h00, Lisa drove Amy, Christine, and me to Sharks Ice. We were there for about an hour and a half. Skated for maybe half that time. Spent the other half sitting, talking, strutting, posing, taking photos, recording a silly video haha. Apparently, Amy really is going to put the video on YouTube -_- Just silliness, no substance. Some laughter at my expense.
The ice got choppy, and I kept tripping. Then again, I always lose my balance on the ice. I didn't fall though :) I may have went sideways, backwards, and all over the place, almost running into Lisa a few times. But I did not fall. So that was different. And I'm still just used to hockey skates. I like those better haha. Regular skates are hard for me to balance in. More so than in hockey skates.
Ah, the lil boy in the hockey gear was sooo cute haha. And soo much better at skating than any of us XP The old lady with the lavender helmet was also better than me haha. She was taking a one-on-one lesson. You know, I had thought private lessons were actually private, but I guess not.
Oh, and Amy dissed Owl City D: She said it was the gayest music she'd ever heard T-T haha. How mean. I told her I liked Owl City. The way the music makes me feel kinda nostalgic. Apparently, she doesn't like "nostalgia" ): haha.
After the ice time, we all went to Panera Bread. Good stuff. Lisa got a second sandwich for free because her first sandwich had mustard and mayo in it :P Though, she had never specified that she didn't want them included haha. Eh, free food :P And you know I would have gotten an apple instead of chips, but all I heard was chips, apples, and something. When I heard "apple," I thought I must have heard wrong so I got the chips. Baked chips are good.
After Panera, we spent a while in Ross and Off Broadway Shoes. Hm, I think I may buy sneakers when I replace my current shoes. Skater shoes are awesome, but I kinda wanna start jogging or something haha. And I can't do shit in my Fallen shoes. Well, unless I learn how to skateboard haha.
Hm, we spent a while in Lisa's car because we didn't know what to do next. It was only 15h00. And you know, it didn't rain all that much this morning. However, when we decided to go to Amy's house, rain started pouring, and lightning brightened the sky.
Then Mother called, yelled, wanted me home. So Lisa drove me home.
Turns out Mother was angry because Comcast sent us a second bill -_- with a late fee. Even though, I canceled Comcast two months ago. Re-canceled it a month later. So I had to drive Mother down to the Comcast office near Sharks Ice to fix the problem. The whole time, she was yelling at me like it was my fault that the Comcast people didn't do their jobs correctly. Well, more like she blamed me for not going to the Comcast building the first time around -_- Like I would know that Comcast didn't follow through on anything. We found out from the representative at the office that the canceling was still being processed because someone typed it in but didn't complete the process. Twice? I guess so. Must be a trend within the company.
So if we don't get our refund in three weeks, we get to come back to the office and complain.
After this, I drove Mother around some more. Now I'm home.
On the radio, there was a catchy song playing on 92.3. Can't believe I had never heard it before today.
I can't put up the actual music video because the embedding codes are all disabled. But yeah, catchy, yeah?
Also, check your bread before you eat it -nods- Never know. Could be moldy. Or not.
Seven days... Seven days... I was totally thinking of "Ringu," not the fact that semester starts in a week -grins and nods- Amy practically reprimanded me for saying, "Seven days..." She didn't want to be reminded of school XP
Oh, and I forgot. Sad stuff, but yeah. The kid who was stabbed (I already said this) was my friend's cousin. I found out on Sunday from Ayana that one of the kids who stabbed him was the brother of one of my other friends :/ Why all this depressing shit happens, I don't fuckin' know. But life goes on, doesn't it?
Ah, I ended such a nice entry with such a sad thought. Meh..
Monday, January 18, 2010
"Rainy" doesn't feel like a real word.
It's soo windy and rainy today. I had to drive Brother to work, and I have to pick him up later. I normally don't mind driving in the rain, but today other drivers are just friggin' scary >_< People apparently can't see the white lines and drift into other lanes. Meh...
In the news, nothing really piqued my interest, except for this lil puff piece haha :P Reminds me of last year's Superbowl interruption. I actually saw the Superbowl clip online because the video was labeled "Best Superbowl Commercial Ever." How misleading -_- Reminds me of the surprise I got when I looked at Meatspin and some of those other Internet memes that I talked about a long time ago haha.
Anyway, does anyone remember BBMak? :) I still enjoy some of their songs haha.
Brings back memories of the good ol' childhood days haha. Back when Disney Channel used to show those concerts. I remember I watched all of them when they came out.
Time to eat and read. I've already spent an hour and a half on the Internet today -_-
In the news, nothing really piqued my interest, except for this lil puff piece haha :P Reminds me of last year's Superbowl interruption. I actually saw the Superbowl clip online because the video was labeled "Best Superbowl Commercial Ever." How misleading -_- Reminds me of the surprise I got when I looked at Meatspin and some of those other Internet memes that I talked about a long time ago haha.
Anyway, does anyone remember BBMak? :) I still enjoy some of their songs haha.
Brings back memories of the good ol' childhood days haha. Back when Disney Channel used to show those concerts. I remember I watched all of them when they came out.
Time to eat and read. I've already spent an hour and a half on the Internet today -_-
Sunday, January 17, 2010
"The Spy Next Door"
Today, I went to the movies at Oakridge with Ayana and her two sisters. The sisters watched "Leap Year," while Ayana and I watched "The Spy Next Door." Not the movie I wanted to watch. However, I knew Ayana wouldn't want to watch "Daybreaker" haha XP I still remember when she and Olivia walked out of "Van Helsing" after twenty minutes :P
Mm, so the theater was packed with little kids @_@ I didn't think it would be that packed. Ayana and I had to sit down in the front. That's the third time I've had to sit that close to the screen. I still remember the first time was to watch "Inspector Gadget" and the second to watch "Ratatouille." Hm, always lil kiddie movies.
Anyway, I give TSND a 6/10 because, while I did have my laughs and the fight scenes were entertaining as always, the movie was overly corny and cliche. I could barely stand it XP Though, Nora, the youngest child, was totally adorable. Even if I don't really like kids and the little actress wasn't that good :P haha.
The actress who played the mom wasn't all that good either. Eh, I don't know why I'm dissecting a PG movie haha. Anyway, all I could really think about when I saw her on the screen was that she's the same actress from "Gamer" and "Premonition."
Hm, throughout the movie, all Ayana could really say was that Lucas Till was hott. I agreed. He really does look good :D And his fight scenes were pretty cool (the use of the chair was pretty cool). But his Russian accent bothered me.
Actually, all of the faux Russian accents were irksome. I know they were probably supposed to be funny, but they weren't to me. Maybe I'm just not that into the goofy villains anymore. I mean, I laughed, but eh -shrug-
Really though, I enjoyed the movie. Got me to laugh. I just don't want all these new kiddie movies to be so predictable :/ Maybe I'm just wanting too much out of a movie.
Anyway, you know I just realized how much parkour there is in Jackie Chan's movies :D That's just awesome. Amazing skills, even if he has to redo the scenes. Hey, at least he does pretty much all of his own stunts, having broken so many different bones in his career several times.
So after the movie, Ayana and I went to Target to meet up with her sisters in the DVD section. The three of them spent a while debating which Disney DVDs to purchase haha. Wow, really. So typical of Ayana. She's rebuilding her Disney collection. She settled on "Hannah Montana the Movie" and "High School Musical 3" haha. She also bought "Eagle Eye." That one surprised me. I didn't know she watched anything that wasn't G or PG haha.
Anyway, it was good to see her again. It feels like it's been a year since I last saw her. Her hair's hella short now. Well, shorter than I've ever seen. It's because she didn't take control of the situation with her hairstylist :P hahaha. You shouldn't have that much faith in people haha.
Mm, so I didn't go with Brian L and his friends to watch Imaginarium. All 'cause I didn't want to go to Milpitas. Nor did Mother want me to either. D is borrowing the Avalon. So the Cressida is parked in front of the house. But I can't drive it because Mother doesn't trust that car. Especially in the rain -shrug- Not like I'm really gonna go anywhere.
And ahhh, school starts next Tuesday :O I can't wait. I don't like being stuck at home. I just hope I don't stress way the fuck out this semester, especially after such an easy Fall semester. Ah, and I'll seriously be on campus all day four days a week. Should figure out what I'll do during my five-hour break on Mondays and Wednesdays. Maybe add a class. Maybe just partake in a class for fun. And I'll be on campus early on Tuesdays and Thursdays as well, even if I don't have classes then. I'll probably stay in the library or find people to provide me with shelter for a few morning hours haha. We'll see how that all works out.
It also seems that I won't be able to make the VSA meetings this semester. Again, grr. I might not even make it to QTIP meetings D: 'cause my class ends at 17h45 and is across campus from the BB Building (I'd be able to show up for maybe the last half of the meetings). I should work out the bike thing. See if Mother won't kill me for that idea. Still need to go buy a bike lock and lights -_- I haven't been taking the initiative to go buy things.
I don't know if I'll make the Q&A meetings because we haven't decided on meeting times yet. Hmph.
Oh, so I've started a "To Read" list today (to accompany my "To Watch" and "To Listen" lists). I've put down all the suggestions people have given me before (that I could remember): Brave New World, His Dark Materials, LOTR, Man's Search for Meaning. I don't have that many yet. But eventually, the list shall grow, just like the others did. Still trying to up my bookworm level haha.
Hmm, I wonder how my last week of break will go. Smoothly, yes? Yes! Though, I have a feeling I'm forgetting something about this week :/
Mm, so the theater was packed with little kids @_@ I didn't think it would be that packed. Ayana and I had to sit down in the front. That's the third time I've had to sit that close to the screen. I still remember the first time was to watch "Inspector Gadget" and the second to watch "Ratatouille." Hm, always lil kiddie movies.
Anyway, I give TSND a 6/10 because, while I did have my laughs and the fight scenes were entertaining as always, the movie was overly corny and cliche. I could barely stand it XP Though, Nora, the youngest child, was totally adorable. Even if I don't really like kids and the little actress wasn't that good :P haha.
The actress who played the mom wasn't all that good either. Eh, I don't know why I'm dissecting a PG movie haha. Anyway, all I could really think about when I saw her on the screen was that she's the same actress from "Gamer" and "Premonition."
Hm, throughout the movie, all Ayana could really say was that Lucas Till was hott. I agreed. He really does look good :D And his fight scenes were pretty cool (the use of the chair was pretty cool). But his Russian accent bothered me.
Actually, all of the faux Russian accents were irksome. I know they were probably supposed to be funny, but they weren't to me. Maybe I'm just not that into the goofy villains anymore. I mean, I laughed, but eh -shrug-
Really though, I enjoyed the movie. Got me to laugh. I just don't want all these new kiddie movies to be so predictable :/ Maybe I'm just wanting too much out of a movie.
Anyway, you know I just realized how much parkour there is in Jackie Chan's movies :D That's just awesome. Amazing skills, even if he has to redo the scenes. Hey, at least he does pretty much all of his own stunts, having broken so many different bones in his career several times.
So after the movie, Ayana and I went to Target to meet up with her sisters in the DVD section. The three of them spent a while debating which Disney DVDs to purchase haha. Wow, really. So typical of Ayana. She's rebuilding her Disney collection. She settled on "Hannah Montana the Movie" and "High School Musical 3" haha. She also bought "Eagle Eye." That one surprised me. I didn't know she watched anything that wasn't G or PG haha.
Anyway, it was good to see her again. It feels like it's been a year since I last saw her. Her hair's hella short now. Well, shorter than I've ever seen. It's because she didn't take control of the situation with her hairstylist :P hahaha. You shouldn't have that much faith in people haha.
Mm, so I didn't go with Brian L and his friends to watch Imaginarium. All 'cause I didn't want to go to Milpitas. Nor did Mother want me to either. D is borrowing the Avalon. So the Cressida is parked in front of the house. But I can't drive it because Mother doesn't trust that car. Especially in the rain -shrug- Not like I'm really gonna go anywhere.
And ahhh, school starts next Tuesday :O I can't wait. I don't like being stuck at home. I just hope I don't stress way the fuck out this semester, especially after such an easy Fall semester. Ah, and I'll seriously be on campus all day four days a week. Should figure out what I'll do during my five-hour break on Mondays and Wednesdays. Maybe add a class. Maybe just partake in a class for fun. And I'll be on campus early on Tuesdays and Thursdays as well, even if I don't have classes then. I'll probably stay in the library or find people to provide me with shelter for a few morning hours haha. We'll see how that all works out.
It also seems that I won't be able to make the VSA meetings this semester. Again, grr. I might not even make it to QTIP meetings D: 'cause my class ends at 17h45 and is across campus from the BB Building (I'd be able to show up for maybe the last half of the meetings). I should work out the bike thing. See if Mother won't kill me for that idea. Still need to go buy a bike lock and lights -_- I haven't been taking the initiative to go buy things.
I don't know if I'll make the Q&A meetings because we haven't decided on meeting times yet. Hmph.
Oh, so I've started a "To Read" list today (to accompany my "To Watch" and "To Listen" lists). I've put down all the suggestions people have given me before (that I could remember): Brave New World, His Dark Materials, LOTR, Man's Search for Meaning. I don't have that many yet. But eventually, the list shall grow, just like the others did. Still trying to up my bookworm level haha.
Hmm, I wonder how my last week of break will go. Smoothly, yes? Yes! Though, I have a feeling I'm forgetting something about this week :/
Saturday, January 16, 2010
"If you were gay, I'd shout Hooray!"
You know, I realize on days that I plan to hang out with friends, I seem to waste all the time before I leave the house. Seriously, I don't do anything until I leave. It must be all the anticipation of seeing people haha.
Anyway, I left the house after 13h00, parked in the Convention Center parking lot, and walked down the street to the Center for the Performing Arts. I sat in front of the entrance and waited for Brian L to show up. He did. His friends didn't. We waited. They finally came about five minutes before the show was to start. So we rushed in.
Rushed introductions, only because I told Brian he should introduce his friends. So yeah, the friends were siblings, Anthony and Patricia. Cool people.
Our seats were in the balcony. We climbed over seats to get toward the center of the row (quite a few empty seats). The lights went out as Brian, who was in front of me, stepped down over a seat. I lost sight of him. Just followed the seats until I couldn't go any further. Sat down, realized I was not sitting next to Brian. He and his friends apparently had up over the seats another time. I couldn't see. Had to move my hand around in the dark to find Brian's hand to get up over the seat.
Haha when I had sat down in the wrong seat, the lady sitting next to me just looked at me like "Uh, hi. Who the f are you?" XP haha. How fun.
Anyway, we had made it in time for the start of the show. Yay! The lady that I had sat next to was somewhat tall, and she kept shifting her head -__- So I had to shift my view every couple of minutes to see the stage >_< Slightly frustrating, but the musical was just soo entertaining that it was all good haha.
Lots of laughter. I didn't miss any of the jokes, yay. Plenty of hilarious scenes. Some sad scenes. Great musical numbers. I'm going to download as soon as I can find them. Or I'll ask Brian to send them to me. Hm, the only song that I kinda knew the lyrics to was "The Internet Is for Porn" :P Yay, Trekkie Monster! hahaha....
So much stuff to remember, but ah I wouldn't want to ruin the musical for you :P But it was well worth the money haha. Though, I seriously wouldn't have minded getting the $20 seats 'cause the acting and the puppets were so animated that you could probably still see everything from the top of the balcony.
During intermission, Brian brought out his laptop to show us an anime, Katanagatari. I don't think I've ever watched an anime that drew people like that haha. For some reason, the eyes reminded me of "Johnny Bravo" :P
After the musical, we went to go eat at Johnny Rockets. First time I've ever eaten there. Good food. Though, I had a little trouble with the chili dog XP Had never eaten a hot dog with a knife and fork before. But I couldn't pick it up, so I had no choice.
So we ate and talked. Anthony and Patricia were talkative. Brian kept getting interrupted haha. He must assert himself! :P Anyway, we mostly talked about school. Sports, clubs, and other activities. I do none of that, so I contributed very little. But I suppose I might try to do something this next semester -shrug- We'll see. I don't commit to things though, you know? Or I never try to.
After the food, we walked back to my car first. Along the way, we talked about anime, Fanime/AX, and cosplaying. Fun stuff.
Mm, yeah. That was pretty much the highlight of my day :P Or week, really. Especially 'cause everyone else who was supposed to go watch "Avenue Q" with me couldn't go anymore after the $20 tickets were gone T-T
Now, I'm gonna go look at showtimes for "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus" because Brian and his friends invited me to go watch tomorrow. I don't know if I will because I already feel bad for spending $46 on the musical XP Not sure Mother would let me go out tomorrow after today. But I'll try anyway. Who knows what will happen.
Oh yeah, Maggie, if you watch "Avenue Q," lemme know and we can laugh about it together :D
Maggie called me when I was at Johnny Rockets to ask about the tickets for the musical. I didn't know much, so I had to ask the others about it all. Something about showing up an hour early for Student Rush.
Mm, I'm really tired now. I think I'm gonna find something to drink, look for showtimes if any, read, and then sleep. Yep. Good day.
Anyway, I left the house after 13h00, parked in the Convention Center parking lot, and walked down the street to the Center for the Performing Arts. I sat in front of the entrance and waited for Brian L to show up. He did. His friends didn't. We waited. They finally came about five minutes before the show was to start. So we rushed in.
Rushed introductions, only because I told Brian he should introduce his friends. So yeah, the friends were siblings, Anthony and Patricia. Cool people.
Our seats were in the balcony. We climbed over seats to get toward the center of the row (quite a few empty seats). The lights went out as Brian, who was in front of me, stepped down over a seat. I lost sight of him. Just followed the seats until I couldn't go any further. Sat down, realized I was not sitting next to Brian. He and his friends apparently had up over the seats another time. I couldn't see. Had to move my hand around in the dark to find Brian's hand to get up over the seat.
Haha when I had sat down in the wrong seat, the lady sitting next to me just looked at me like "Uh, hi. Who the f are you?" XP haha. How fun.
Anyway, we had made it in time for the start of the show. Yay! The lady that I had sat next to was somewhat tall, and she kept shifting her head -__- So I had to shift my view every couple of minutes to see the stage >_< Slightly frustrating, but the musical was just soo entertaining that it was all good haha.
Lots of laughter. I didn't miss any of the jokes, yay. Plenty of hilarious scenes. Some sad scenes. Great musical numbers. I'm going to download as soon as I can find them. Or I'll ask Brian to send them to me. Hm, the only song that I kinda knew the lyrics to was "The Internet Is for Porn" :P Yay, Trekkie Monster! hahaha....
So much stuff to remember, but ah I wouldn't want to ruin the musical for you :P But it was well worth the money haha. Though, I seriously wouldn't have minded getting the $20 seats 'cause the acting and the puppets were so animated that you could probably still see everything from the top of the balcony.
During intermission, Brian brought out his laptop to show us an anime, Katanagatari. I don't think I've ever watched an anime that drew people like that haha. For some reason, the eyes reminded me of "Johnny Bravo" :P
After the musical, we went to go eat at Johnny Rockets. First time I've ever eaten there. Good food. Though, I had a little trouble with the chili dog XP Had never eaten a hot dog with a knife and fork before. But I couldn't pick it up, so I had no choice.
So we ate and talked. Anthony and Patricia were talkative. Brian kept getting interrupted haha. He must assert himself! :P Anyway, we mostly talked about school. Sports, clubs, and other activities. I do none of that, so I contributed very little. But I suppose I might try to do something this next semester -shrug- We'll see. I don't commit to things though, you know? Or I never try to.
After the food, we walked back to my car first. Along the way, we talked about anime, Fanime/AX, and cosplaying. Fun stuff.
Mm, yeah. That was pretty much the highlight of my day :P Or week, really. Especially 'cause everyone else who was supposed to go watch "Avenue Q" with me couldn't go anymore after the $20 tickets were gone T-T
Now, I'm gonna go look at showtimes for "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus" because Brian and his friends invited me to go watch tomorrow. I don't know if I will because I already feel bad for spending $46 on the musical XP Not sure Mother would let me go out tomorrow after today. But I'll try anyway. Who knows what will happen.
Oh yeah, Maggie, if you watch "Avenue Q," lemme know and we can laugh about it together :D
Maggie called me when I was at Johnny Rockets to ask about the tickets for the musical. I didn't know much, so I had to ask the others about it all. Something about showing up an hour early for Student Rush.
Mm, I'm really tired now. I think I'm gonna find something to drink, look for showtimes if any, read, and then sleep. Yep. Good day.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Would you spend $1.99 for a punctuation mark?
A sarcasm mark, that is. As convenient as that would be for online conversations, I wouldn't spend money on it. I wonder how long it would take for the symbol to catch on.
Eh, I like letting people believe I'm being serious when I'm not -nods- It's usually funny when people think I'm actually as bad as I pretend to be >_> haha...
Anyway, I finished the second half of Philosophy Made Simple today. I actually got through this half much more quickly than I did the first half yesterday.
I really enjoyed this book. I'm not sure why. Then again, I'm never really sure of much...
So there's a part in the story where Rudy realizes he's in love (pages 196-97). Or maybe it's infatuation (I forgot the page numbers for this part). No matter, I know how he feels, for the most part. I've kinda done the same things he does (all in my head). Imaginary conversations, doubtful connections, yada yada yada. Makes me wish life really were simple.
The "Nirvana" chapter (pages 206-17) is definitely a good chapter. Especially with the part about happiness and love, moha, moksha. It's kinda pessimistic, but I'm going to say it's somewhat realistic:
"It's not the kiss but the moment just before the kiss that's the moment of real happiness."
"That's because the kiss... entails disappointment. Always. Inevitably. Without exception. Life is a painful process. Youth grows old, love grows cold. The journey is never as liberating as we anticipate. We shuffle back and forth between boredom and anxiety."
I haven't been in love. Or at least I don't think I have been. I've definitely never kissed anyone, but I can understand where Siva (the speaker of the second quote) is coming from.
Blah, there's so much I could say about this, but typing up my thoughts just isn't working for me today. I want to speak my mind -_- Grr... I'll just stick to tat tvam asi.
I want to have a copy of this book for myself. Maybe I'll go look for it the next time I'm in a bookstore.
Oh yeah, there's a math problem in the book that Rudy asks his son-in-law to solve: "If the bisectors of two angles of a triangle are equal in length, prove the triangle is isosceles."
I can't figure out myself haha. I might work on it at a later time for fun. Need to get my math knowledge back. Anyway, in the book, TJ, the son-in-law, tries to prove this by reductio ad absurdum. I'm not sure I actually understand how that proof works, but the book explains it as not proving something true but as proving everything else false. Again, I don't know how that works with the triangle problem haha.
It's a cool brain teaser though :P
Anyway, yes, this was an interesting novel. I will look for my own copy.
The library copy's spine is broken D: I didn't break it! It was already messed up.
Oh, and for the words I didn't explain, you can google them haha.
Eh, I like letting people believe I'm being serious when I'm not -nods- It's usually funny when people think I'm actually as bad as I pretend to be >_> haha...
Anyway, I finished the second half of Philosophy Made Simple today. I actually got through this half much more quickly than I did the first half yesterday.
I really enjoyed this book. I'm not sure why. Then again, I'm never really sure of much...
So there's a part in the story where Rudy realizes he's in love (pages 196-97). Or maybe it's infatuation (I forgot the page numbers for this part). No matter, I know how he feels, for the most part. I've kinda done the same things he does (all in my head). Imaginary conversations, doubtful connections, yada yada yada. Makes me wish life really were simple.
The "Nirvana" chapter (pages 206-17) is definitely a good chapter. Especially with the part about happiness and love, moha, moksha. It's kinda pessimistic, but I'm going to say it's somewhat realistic:
"It's not the kiss but the moment just before the kiss that's the moment of real happiness."
"That's because the kiss... entails disappointment. Always. Inevitably. Without exception. Life is a painful process. Youth grows old, love grows cold. The journey is never as liberating as we anticipate. We shuffle back and forth between boredom and anxiety."
I haven't been in love. Or at least I don't think I have been. I've definitely never kissed anyone, but I can understand where Siva (the speaker of the second quote) is coming from.
Blah, there's so much I could say about this, but typing up my thoughts just isn't working for me today. I want to speak my mind -_- Grr... I'll just stick to tat tvam asi.
I want to have a copy of this book for myself. Maybe I'll go look for it the next time I'm in a bookstore.
Oh yeah, there's a math problem in the book that Rudy asks his son-in-law to solve: "If the bisectors of two angles of a triangle are equal in length, prove the triangle is isosceles."
I can't figure out myself haha. I might work on it at a later time for fun. Need to get my math knowledge back. Anyway, in the book, TJ, the son-in-law, tries to prove this by reductio ad absurdum. I'm not sure I actually understand how that proof works, but the book explains it as not proving something true but as proving everything else false. Again, I don't know how that works with the triangle problem haha.
It's a cool brain teaser though :P
Anyway, yes, this was an interesting novel. I will look for my own copy.
The library copy's spine is broken D: I didn't break it! It was already messed up.
Oh, and for the words I didn't explain, you can google them haha.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
"You ain't gon' tie me down..."
So I managed to get up at 7 this morning. Did my morning routine. Read. Showered. Ate. Spent three hours reading the first half of Philosophy Made Simple by Robert Hellenga. I borrowed this book from the MLK the day I sold my Ethics book. Had no idea what it was about except that it had to do with philosophers.
I had a difficult time getting interested in the reading, but after I got past the first chapter, I was quite engrossed in the novel. The story consists of memories, avocados, contemplative thoughts, an elephant named Norma Jean (or Narmada-Jai), and preparations for a wedding. Well, that's as far as I've gotten as of now.
I think I've already said this before, but I read novels for the plot rather than for the underlying meaning, the allusions, the English-classroom stuff. I'm sure I think about that stuff sometimes, but it's not my intention nor do I care to make it my goal.
Anyway, at the end of the chapter titled "Last Will & Testament," the main character Rudy remembers trying to listen in on his wife recording her final words on tapes (I don't know what kinda tapes people used back in the 1950s haha). Nine years later, he still has the tapes in his desk. Why? Who knows why? The tapes are blank. The tape recorder malfunctioned. Blank tapes. He still keeps them.
I don't know how I would feel if that happened to me. Not being able to listen to your loved one's final words. Waiting for the truth. Having the tapes but not having the words. You get to wondering what she said before she died. I'm not sure if I could take that. I probably would keep the tapes too, though.
I've only read half the book, but it's already got me thinking a lot XP Not sure I have the words to describe how this novel makes me think haha. Just know I like it.
Oh yeah, so the book doesn't go into great detail about different philosophies. It is a novel, after all. But I feel like I'm learning a lot from it anyway.
This song brings back memories... This came out when I was in the seventh grade. Brother got his Integra. His friend gave him a mix CD that had this song on it. Brother would bump this track every time we went somewhere. Movies, Nancy's house, school, everywhere. We sang along and talked about how good this song was.
It's been like six years since I've heard this song. Brother played it less and less when I was a freshman in high school. The only reason I listened to this song again was because it was in the recommended section on YouTube. I saw the music artist names and thought they sounded familiar. I'm glad I watch the recommended videos haha.
Despite being a sad song, this song will always bring back good memories. Back when things were all right. Not much shit went down yet. Brother was a high school senior, then a college freshman. There was trouble but not too much yet. I was blissfully ignorant of things, of everything that was building up. Just enjoying the fact that I had friends and family around. Brother and I got along well enough. It felt like we went to the movies together every month then.
Pretty good stuff. I didn't think I would like the song when it first came out. But I'm always finding myself singing along to this song. And is it me, or does Ray J look rounder than he did a couple years ago? :P Anyway, loving the beat, the melody, and the lyrics haha. Video's not bad.
Robotic girlfriend. I'm not gonna say much about this, except "how sad." We can't connect with each other, so we have to make robots to substitute in the connections. Who knows? Maybe when the technology is perfected, it will reduce the allure of prostitutes :P haha. Ah, we're becoming waayyy too dependent on technology. A sad progress.
Also, it seems that my friends and I will be watching "Avenue Q" on Saturday. Need to confirm details with everyone and then call Brian L to buy the tickets. That's if his friends haven't already bought the tickets and if they're willing to get the cheap tickets 'cause we, as broke college kids, cannot afford $75- or even $46-seats XP haha. As much as I want to see "Avenue Q" up close, I do not think it's worth it haha. I'm just going for the story and the numbers :P
You know, I think I'm doing well with my resolutions for the most part. Haven't been keeping up with everything, but I'm trying XP Just need to take my time and build up. Anyway, back to reading and staying off the computer haha.
I had a difficult time getting interested in the reading, but after I got past the first chapter, I was quite engrossed in the novel. The story consists of memories, avocados, contemplative thoughts, an elephant named Norma Jean (or Narmada-Jai), and preparations for a wedding. Well, that's as far as I've gotten as of now.
I think I've already said this before, but I read novels for the plot rather than for the underlying meaning, the allusions, the English-classroom stuff. I'm sure I think about that stuff sometimes, but it's not my intention nor do I care to make it my goal.
Anyway, at the end of the chapter titled "Last Will & Testament," the main character Rudy remembers trying to listen in on his wife recording her final words on tapes (I don't know what kinda tapes people used back in the 1950s haha). Nine years later, he still has the tapes in his desk. Why? Who knows why? The tapes are blank. The tape recorder malfunctioned. Blank tapes. He still keeps them.
I don't know how I would feel if that happened to me. Not being able to listen to your loved one's final words. Waiting for the truth. Having the tapes but not having the words. You get to wondering what she said before she died. I'm not sure if I could take that. I probably would keep the tapes too, though.
I've only read half the book, but it's already got me thinking a lot XP Not sure I have the words to describe how this novel makes me think haha. Just know I like it.
Oh yeah, so the book doesn't go into great detail about different philosophies. It is a novel, after all. But I feel like I'm learning a lot from it anyway.
This song brings back memories... This came out when I was in the seventh grade. Brother got his Integra. His friend gave him a mix CD that had this song on it. Brother would bump this track every time we went somewhere. Movies, Nancy's house, school, everywhere. We sang along and talked about how good this song was.
It's been like six years since I've heard this song. Brother played it less and less when I was a freshman in high school. The only reason I listened to this song again was because it was in the recommended section on YouTube. I saw the music artist names and thought they sounded familiar. I'm glad I watch the recommended videos haha.
Despite being a sad song, this song will always bring back good memories. Back when things were all right. Not much shit went down yet. Brother was a high school senior, then a college freshman. There was trouble but not too much yet. I was blissfully ignorant of things, of everything that was building up. Just enjoying the fact that I had friends and family around. Brother and I got along well enough. It felt like we went to the movies together every month then.
Pretty good stuff. I didn't think I would like the song when it first came out. But I'm always finding myself singing along to this song. And is it me, or does Ray J look rounder than he did a couple years ago? :P Anyway, loving the beat, the melody, and the lyrics haha. Video's not bad.
Robotic girlfriend. I'm not gonna say much about this, except "how sad." We can't connect with each other, so we have to make robots to substitute in the connections. Who knows? Maybe when the technology is perfected, it will reduce the allure of prostitutes :P haha. Ah, we're becoming waayyy too dependent on technology. A sad progress.
Also, it seems that my friends and I will be watching "Avenue Q" on Saturday. Need to confirm details with everyone and then call Brian L to buy the tickets. That's if his friends haven't already bought the tickets and if they're willing to get the cheap tickets 'cause we, as broke college kids, cannot afford $75- or even $46-seats XP haha. As much as I want to see "Avenue Q" up close, I do not think it's worth it haha. I'm just going for the story and the numbers :P
You know, I think I'm doing well with my resolutions for the most part. Haven't been keeping up with everything, but I'm trying XP Just need to take my time and build up. Anyway, back to reading and staying off the computer haha.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Brother the Server...
So I went to GJ with Le, Kat, John, and Richard. John and Richard are two of Kat's Harvard friends.
Before that, I was driving Brother around so he could buy stuff for GJ. Kat had called earlier to ask me to go out to eat. Just like many times before, she called me right after I finished eating with the family haha. But I still agreed to go anyway because I don't like passing up chances to chill with friends I rarely get to see. Even if it's just Kat and Le. haha jk jk. Je vous aime, mes amies :P
You know, this was the first time Brother has ever served me at his restaurant. The other three times I've been there with my friends, he was never there. But he paid for two of those meals. Anyway, I thought it was weird how professional and courteous he was tonight XD Not used to that.
But overall, Brother was a good server. He brought us extra food, kept checking up on our table (more often than any other server I've ever met), made sure we were "full and happy" (as John pointed out), and gave us his employee discount... So nice of him, eh? You know why he did all that nice stuff -nods- I don't have to repeat myself.
Anyway, interesting conversations. Talked about a few people from high school, a video game called "Braid" (sounds difficult >_> I kinda wanna try it), "Avenue Q" playing in San Jose next week (I'm sooo going with people to watch it), and Brother's niceness.
We were at the restaurant for about an hour and a half. Fun time. The only sad part about tonight was the restaurant ran out of crawfish D: An unexpectedly busy day for the restaurant.
After the masticating and swallowing, I went home, while the others went to a friend's house in Cupertino. If it was somewhere closer to South San Jose, I would have gone with them. But sadly, no. So yeah, Mother was surprised when I came home at 21h00 haha. See? I can be a good kid who comes home early by choice.
Hmm, so I really wanna go watch "Avenue Q." I've heard it's a friggin' awesome musical haha. It's gonna be at the Center for the Performing Arts. Jan 12-17. I mentioned it on Facebook, and a few people have commented about it. People who have expressed interest in going: Brian L, Harrison, Kat, Vivi. So if I can get all these guys to go on the same day at the same time, that would be awesome :D For now, I'm just waiting for replies. And hm, I don't think any of those four know each other. Though, I am quite sure that Brian and Harrison would get along just fiiine haha.
Hm, I haven't seen many musicals. The last one I saw probably was an ST production back in senior year haha. It would be pretty sweet to go to a professional musical.
So yeah, if all goes well, I'll be watching "Avenue Q" with a couple of friends sometime within the next week. If all doesn't go well, hopefully I'll still be able to go with at least one friend haha.
Before that, I was driving Brother around so he could buy stuff for GJ. Kat had called earlier to ask me to go out to eat. Just like many times before, she called me right after I finished eating with the family haha. But I still agreed to go anyway because I don't like passing up chances to chill with friends I rarely get to see. Even if it's just Kat and Le. haha jk jk. Je vous aime, mes amies :P
You know, this was the first time Brother has ever served me at his restaurant. The other three times I've been there with my friends, he was never there. But he paid for two of those meals. Anyway, I thought it was weird how professional and courteous he was tonight XD Not used to that.
But overall, Brother was a good server. He brought us extra food, kept checking up on our table (more often than any other server I've ever met), made sure we were "full and happy" (as John pointed out), and gave us his employee discount... So nice of him, eh? You know why he did all that nice stuff -nods- I don't have to repeat myself.
Anyway, interesting conversations. Talked about a few people from high school, a video game called "Braid" (sounds difficult >_> I kinda wanna try it), "Avenue Q" playing in San Jose next week (I'm sooo going with people to watch it), and Brother's niceness.
We were at the restaurant for about an hour and a half. Fun time. The only sad part about tonight was the restaurant ran out of crawfish D: An unexpectedly busy day for the restaurant.
After the masticating and swallowing, I went home, while the others went to a friend's house in Cupertino. If it was somewhere closer to South San Jose, I would have gone with them. But sadly, no. So yeah, Mother was surprised when I came home at 21h00 haha. See? I can be a good kid who comes home early by choice.
Hmm, so I really wanna go watch "Avenue Q." I've heard it's a friggin' awesome musical haha. It's gonna be at the Center for the Performing Arts. Jan 12-17. I mentioned it on Facebook, and a few people have commented about it. People who have expressed interest in going: Brian L, Harrison, Kat, Vivi. So if I can get all these guys to go on the same day at the same time, that would be awesome :D For now, I'm just waiting for replies. And hm, I don't think any of those four know each other. Though, I am quite sure that Brian and Harrison would get along just fiiine haha.
Hm, I haven't seen many musicals. The last one I saw probably was an ST production back in senior year haha. It would be pretty sweet to go to a professional musical.
So yeah, if all goes well, I'll be watching "Avenue Q" with a couple of friends sometime within the next week. If all doesn't go well, hopefully I'll still be able to go with at least one friend haha.
I ran... I ran so far away...
It's in my head. Stop. Stop thinking. Fight it. Stop obsessing. Fight it. Don't give in. Don't give up. This isn't healthy for you. Stop. Let it go. Move on. I always move on. Why am I not moving on? I always get over it. Why am I not getting over it?
This is what happens in my head when I start thinking about too many things before I go to sleep. You know, I often wish that I had the telekinetic power to type up a blog. I always think of everything I want to write about when I'm lying down in bed at night, but I end up forgetting a lot of it the next morning. It saddens me when this happens. I always come up with the catchiest titles then, too -_- Blahh...
I had to wake up at 04h45 this morning to drive D to work because the Cressida broke down in front of my house yesterday haha. Have to pick him up later in the afternoon.
Anyway, I couldn't sleep until probably midnight last night, and it was a dreamless night. I laid in bed, thinking about things. I am soo obsessive. It's pretty bad.
Mm, so when I was going to pick D up, I was pretty happy though tired. It was foggy (though not foggy enough), and there were almost no cars on the streets. I love that. The darkness, fogginess, emptiness. <_<>_> Yes, I'm weird, I know. I like how depressing love songs make me feel. Their songs on this album just feel right, I dunno).
I managed to get an hour of sleep, so I didn't get up before 07h00 :/ Oh well. I had a two-part dream. Though, the two parts did not seem related in any way. And I realize I have quite a few dreams in which I am driving, hm.
Dream: I'm driving a sports car of some sort. Brother is in the passenger seat, and a girl is sitting the backseat. Apparently, I'm giving Brother's friend a ride home. We're headed north on Monterey Road. Before we reach Senter Road, a large group of high-school-aged people with teachers (I recognized Joelle, a dance instructor from SJSU O_o) swarm the street from the hills. They are all walking north as well. It seems that they are walking to Fanime in downtown. I slow down, so that I don't run anyone over.
Then I see someone I know. A girl (Some1) that I want to talk to (in my head: "Why is she here? She isn't supposed to be here. Why didn't she tell me she was here?"). But she's far ahead. I try to speed up a little. But she's moving too fast. She's on some funky looking pair of rollerblades. More like she's floating on orb-like things. They looked futuristic haha. Anyway, I try to catch up to her, but then a group of teens walk directly in front of my car. I have to slow down to 5 mph.
Brother asks why I was speeding up and slowing down so much. I tell him that I want to talk to the friend that's getting away. He tells me to honk the horn, so I can catch up and also so that I can drive his friend home in time. I'm surprised that he doesn't tell me to just run the people over >_> So I press the car horn. I'm surprised that I do that (I don't like honking the car horn at anyone).
The girls turn around in surprise. A guy walking next to my car looks at me in surprise, as if he didn't expect me to honk. But the girls get out of the way. I speed up, but Some1 has gone out of sight. I am sad and slow down again.
Something happens here, and I end up in Brother's room (that's if he had his own room). We're watching a movie or something. Brother and I are talking about something that has to do with gay couples -shrug- Then he asks, "Like those two guys on the screen?" I look at the screen and nod.
Then I'm in the scene with two teen jocks who are kissing each other. I can't describe them, but I feel like I've seen this movie before. Suddenly, after the passionate kiss, one boy shoves the other one away and says, "What the fuck? What are we doing? This is disgusting. This can't happen." Apparently, the boy had thought he was straight, but then the kiss happened. The boy stands there, looking angry. The other guy wipes his lips with the back of his hand but looks at the boy with a sad look in his eyes. The boy says, "I can't do this. I lo... But I can't do this for you. I'm sorry." The boy storms out of the bedroom, angry at himself. I stand there, watching this all play out, not affecting anything as I walk around. The guy whispers slowly, "But you love me..."
I'm walking down the stairs outside the bedroom door. I stare at a little girl in the living room, afraid she will look at me, know what I did, and hate me. I see the boy's father and continue to feel the shame. I walk out the door, hoping I don't the other boy's mother. I don't want them to know what I just did with their son. I need to get away. I don't want them to know how much I'm hurting their son.
And that's the whole dream. I feel like the boy loves the other guy but doesn't want to. Not because he doesn't want to be gay (though he uses that as an excuse), but because he doesn't want anyone to love him. That was what I was thinking as I walked out the front door. That walking away part, I'm the boy who shoved the other boy away.
I wish I knew why I switched into his role. I wish I knew why I'm often driving in my dreams, why I never get to where I'm going. I wish my dreams would finish. They never finish, not even close.
-sigh-
Anyway, I was listening to the radio this morning in the car. Three songs that I absolutely enjoy were played:
The music video is nothing special, but the song is so damn catchy to me. It's one of the few songs that I do put on repeat. And there are some awesome covers of this song on YouTube too. Listen to HappySlip's cover haha :)
Next one: It's the song of my life. Well, no, not really haha. But it's the song I listen to now when I'm feeling down and doubtful of my awesomeness haha. It gives me hope, I suppose -shrug- It helps me to be delusional, you know? haha XD
Last one: A classic. I think I first heard this song on GTA: Vice City though haha.
Yeah, fun stuff :) Happy music in the morning, good.
Continual complaining in the morning, bad :( I need to wake up earlier, so no one will be awake to bitch about anything -_- Happy mornings, please. Or at least neutral ones.
No sad or angry mornings. Can't deal with that. Ugh.. I want my quiet mornings.
This is what happens in my head when I start thinking about too many things before I go to sleep. You know, I often wish that I had the telekinetic power to type up a blog. I always think of everything I want to write about when I'm lying down in bed at night, but I end up forgetting a lot of it the next morning. It saddens me when this happens. I always come up with the catchiest titles then, too -_- Blahh...
I had to wake up at 04h45 this morning to drive D to work because the Cressida broke down in front of my house yesterday haha. Have to pick him up later in the afternoon.
Anyway, I couldn't sleep until probably midnight last night, and it was a dreamless night. I laid in bed, thinking about things. I am soo obsessive. It's pretty bad.
Mm, so when I was going to pick D up, I was pretty happy though tired. It was foggy (though not foggy enough), and there were almost no cars on the streets. I love that. The darkness, fogginess, emptiness. <_<>_> Yes, I'm weird, I know. I like how depressing love songs make me feel. Their songs on this album just feel right, I dunno).
I managed to get an hour of sleep, so I didn't get up before 07h00 :/ Oh well. I had a two-part dream. Though, the two parts did not seem related in any way. And I realize I have quite a few dreams in which I am driving, hm.
Dream: I'm driving a sports car of some sort. Brother is in the passenger seat, and a girl is sitting the backseat. Apparently, I'm giving Brother's friend a ride home. We're headed north on Monterey Road. Before we reach Senter Road, a large group of high-school-aged people with teachers (I recognized Joelle, a dance instructor from SJSU O_o) swarm the street from the hills. They are all walking north as well. It seems that they are walking to Fanime in downtown. I slow down, so that I don't run anyone over.
Then I see someone I know. A girl (Some1) that I want to talk to (in my head: "Why is she here? She isn't supposed to be here. Why didn't she tell me she was here?"). But she's far ahead. I try to speed up a little. But she's moving too fast. She's on some funky looking pair of rollerblades. More like she's floating on orb-like things. They looked futuristic haha. Anyway, I try to catch up to her, but then a group of teens walk directly in front of my car. I have to slow down to 5 mph.
Brother asks why I was speeding up and slowing down so much. I tell him that I want to talk to the friend that's getting away. He tells me to honk the horn, so I can catch up and also so that I can drive his friend home in time. I'm surprised that he doesn't tell me to just run the people over >_> So I press the car horn. I'm surprised that I do that (I don't like honking the car horn at anyone).
The girls turn around in surprise. A guy walking next to my car looks at me in surprise, as if he didn't expect me to honk. But the girls get out of the way. I speed up, but Some1 has gone out of sight. I am sad and slow down again.
Something happens here, and I end up in Brother's room (that's if he had his own room). We're watching a movie or something. Brother and I are talking about something that has to do with gay couples -shrug- Then he asks, "Like those two guys on the screen?" I look at the screen and nod.
Then I'm in the scene with two teen jocks who are kissing each other. I can't describe them, but I feel like I've seen this movie before. Suddenly, after the passionate kiss, one boy shoves the other one away and says, "What the fuck? What are we doing? This is disgusting. This can't happen." Apparently, the boy had thought he was straight, but then the kiss happened. The boy stands there, looking angry. The other guy wipes his lips with the back of his hand but looks at the boy with a sad look in his eyes. The boy says, "I can't do this. I lo... But I can't do this for you. I'm sorry." The boy storms out of the bedroom, angry at himself. I stand there, watching this all play out, not affecting anything as I walk around. The guy whispers slowly, "But you love me..."
I'm walking down the stairs outside the bedroom door. I stare at a little girl in the living room, afraid she will look at me, know what I did, and hate me. I see the boy's father and continue to feel the shame. I walk out the door, hoping I don't the other boy's mother. I don't want them to know what I just did with their son. I need to get away. I don't want them to know how much I'm hurting their son.
And that's the whole dream. I feel like the boy loves the other guy but doesn't want to. Not because he doesn't want to be gay (though he uses that as an excuse), but because he doesn't want anyone to love him. That was what I was thinking as I walked out the front door. That walking away part, I'm the boy who shoved the other boy away.
I wish I knew why I switched into his role. I wish I knew why I'm often driving in my dreams, why I never get to where I'm going. I wish my dreams would finish. They never finish, not even close.
-sigh-
Anyway, I was listening to the radio this morning in the car. Three songs that I absolutely enjoy were played:
The music video is nothing special, but the song is so damn catchy to me. It's one of the few songs that I do put on repeat. And there are some awesome covers of this song on YouTube too. Listen to HappySlip's cover haha :)
Next one: It's the song of my life. Well, no, not really haha. But it's the song I listen to now when I'm feeling down and doubtful of my awesomeness haha. It gives me hope, I suppose -shrug- It helps me to be delusional, you know? haha XD
Last one: A classic. I think I first heard this song on GTA: Vice City though haha.
Yeah, fun stuff :) Happy music in the morning, good.
Continual complaining in the morning, bad :( I need to wake up earlier, so no one will be awake to bitch about anything -_- Happy mornings, please. Or at least neutral ones.
No sad or angry mornings. Can't deal with that. Ugh.. I want my quiet mornings.
Friday, January 8, 2010
I want release..
Music videos/song covers are just so awesome. Especially after an f'n crappy day with Mother. Tomorrow's gonna be another crappy day, but whatever.
I'm feeling much better after all this music :)
I know I've probably posted these or sent these to people so many times since they came out haha. I just have to say JaNG is still my favorite :3 Go, Wong Fu!
So I went to the MLK today around 11h00 to borrow two books and to sell my Ethics book. Miscommunication on the phone with the buyer's father. The buyer was at Foothill College, not SJSU. All good though. The guy drove to SJSU. I was only selling the book for $12 anyway haha. Brother said I should have sold it for more, but the book's a bit messed up and I just don't really care how much I can sell a book for (still trying to sell eight more books).
Delete delete delete... I don't know what else to say about today. Not a day I care to remember.
Oh, from now on, "delete delete delete" just means I erased a part of an entry. Putting that in to the entries just to remind Future Me of how much Past Me sucks for not updating about everything I should remember, remind Future Me of how weak and not open Past Me was. Yeah haha. Kinda defeats the purpose of having this blog. But you know me. Or not. I dunno. I'm just thinking too much as usual -_-
-sigh- I should just go to sleep. Yeah.
Ooh, "Daybreakers" and "Bitch Slap" came out today. Harrison informed me of this. He probably wanted to go watch today, but I had to do stuff for Mother -_- Maybe tomorrow or Sunday. We'll see. I've been waiting for sooo long to watch these two haha.
I'm feeling much better after all this music :)
I know I've probably posted these or sent these to people so many times since they came out haha. I just have to say JaNG is still my favorite :3 Go, Wong Fu!
So I went to the MLK today around 11h00 to borrow two books and to sell my Ethics book. Miscommunication on the phone with the buyer's father. The buyer was at Foothill College, not SJSU. All good though. The guy drove to SJSU. I was only selling the book for $12 anyway haha. Brother said I should have sold it for more, but the book's a bit messed up and I just don't really care how much I can sell a book for (still trying to sell eight more books).
Delete delete delete... I don't know what else to say about today. Not a day I care to remember.
Oh, from now on, "delete delete delete" just means I erased a part of an entry. Putting that in to the entries just to remind Future Me of how much Past Me sucks for not updating about everything I should remember, remind Future Me of how weak and not open Past Me was. Yeah haha. Kinda defeats the purpose of having this blog. But you know me. Or not. I dunno. I'm just thinking too much as usual -_-
-sigh- I should just go to sleep. Yeah.
Ooh, "Daybreakers" and "Bitch Slap" came out today. Harrison informed me of this. He probably wanted to go watch today, but I had to do stuff for Mother -_- Maybe tomorrow or Sunday. We'll see. I've been waiting for sooo long to watch these two haha.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Well, that's a first.
I've never deleted a whole entry before, but I felt like I was complaining too much in the draft that I was going to post for today. Oh well.
Speaking of first, there are several firsts I'm waiting for haha...
First...
apartment
job
pet
car (my own!)
You know what? I'm not gonna list everything out. I might forget something, and that would irk me to no end. And I'm sure there are other firsts I haven't thought about, and that would probably bother me too.
I just want my first whatevers to be awesome, special, unique, etc etc. Memories, you know? Like, I still remember my first "best friend," my first bike, the first movie I watched in a theater, the first (and only) time I held hands with someone I really cared about.... Also the first time I tried real sushi, my first clubbing experience, my first sleepover, the first real song I ever learned how to play on an instrument haha.
They were all special to me in some way. Not because they were my firsts. Well, maybe partly, but not completely. I dunno. To me, a first means doing something new, different. It's exciting, I guess. I dunno. And, you know, sometimes your first is also your only and your last. I would rather have an "only" or a "last" rather than no firsts. No firsts means you never tried.
I know I never really tried in a lot of things. I'm always afraid. I just need to get past the first part, time, chance, whatever. It's always getting started that's the hard part. So much doubt. Ahh..
Honestly, I just want my firsts to be perfect. Although, I know that's not likely to happen. Maybe that's why I haven't tried in anything. I'm always afraid I'll fail. I am failing.
Do and fail is not failure. Never trying is.
I wish I could use that to motivate myself haha. Alas, I usually don't listen to my own advice.
Speaking of first, there are several firsts I'm waiting for haha...
First...
apartment
job
pet
car (my own!)
You know what? I'm not gonna list everything out. I might forget something, and that would irk me to no end. And I'm sure there are other firsts I haven't thought about, and that would probably bother me too.
I just want my first whatevers to be awesome, special, unique, etc etc. Memories, you know? Like, I still remember my first "best friend," my first bike, the first movie I watched in a theater, the first (and only) time I held hands with someone I really cared about.... Also the first time I tried real sushi, my first clubbing experience, my first sleepover, the first real song I ever learned how to play on an instrument haha.
They were all special to me in some way. Not because they were my firsts. Well, maybe partly, but not completely. I dunno. To me, a first means doing something new, different. It's exciting, I guess. I dunno. And, you know, sometimes your first is also your only and your last. I would rather have an "only" or a "last" rather than no firsts. No firsts means you never tried.
I know I never really tried in a lot of things. I'm always afraid. I just need to get past the first part, time, chance, whatever. It's always getting started that's the hard part. So much doubt. Ahh..
Honestly, I just want my firsts to be perfect. Although, I know that's not likely to happen. Maybe that's why I haven't tried in anything. I'm always afraid I'll fail. I am failing.
Do and fail is not failure. Never trying is.
I wish I could use that to motivate myself haha. Alas, I usually don't listen to my own advice.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Ahh, brain freeze >_<
That's what happens when you chug a refrigerated bottle of water in under a minute in a warm house. I don't know why it doesn't happen when I eat ice cream though :P
So today, I haven't done much except drive. Went to Enterprise to rent a car with Mother. After we got the car, I spent at least twenty minutes going back and forth between the Avalon and the rented Ford Focus, trying to help Mother figure out how to drive the thing -__- all before we even left the parking lot. We were there so long that the lady who helped us had already walked out of the office with the next customer and exclaimed, "Oh my god..." She looked at us and chuckled XP I should have driven the car, but I'm under 21 so I wasn't allowed according to Enterprise policies.
Anyway, after Mother finally got the mirrors adjusted and whatnot, I drove the Avalon and led her to the auto body shop. Dropped off the Avalon and picked Brother up from work. Then I drove one of his bosses to her home in Sunnyvale, and then we went home.
All this didn't take long, but it felt like it took up most of my day 'cause I don't remember doing anything else today.
Ah, well, actually, I spent a while deleting music files I don't listen to anymore and downloading new ones that I actually listen to XP I deleted about 150 songs and added 50. This makes me feel productive haha.
Mm, remember when I used to do those lyrics and interpretation bulletins on Myspace? haha. I miss doing that. I used to like doing that because, surprisingly, people actually read my bulletins :P and they replied haha.
Eh, I might end up posting lyrics or some shit like that on here just because I don't know what else to post. And I don't like not posting XP Or really, I just don't know what to do with myself at home during break. People need to break me out of the house, yo.
And I dunno. I feel like I just wanna chill with someone and listen to music all day. No talking. Just listening. Feeling the music. But ah, that won't happen.. Oh well.
Anyway, here's a song I just downloaded. It's kinda old. Chuckie A (aka Chuckie Akenz) completely redid his original "Love Hurts" (the one with Kangel), lyrics and all. I actually like this one better. It's less angry(?), more melodious and melancholy haha. I love Chris Charles' chorus. Sad stuff but good -nods-
Hope you enjoyed the song. Maybe I'll share some more of my old faves or something later on. I dunno. Depends on if I feel like sharing :P
So today, I haven't done much except drive. Went to Enterprise to rent a car with Mother. After we got the car, I spent at least twenty minutes going back and forth between the Avalon and the rented Ford Focus, trying to help Mother figure out how to drive the thing -__- all before we even left the parking lot. We were there so long that the lady who helped us had already walked out of the office with the next customer and exclaimed, "Oh my god..." She looked at us and chuckled XP I should have driven the car, but I'm under 21 so I wasn't allowed according to Enterprise policies.
Anyway, after Mother finally got the mirrors adjusted and whatnot, I drove the Avalon and led her to the auto body shop. Dropped off the Avalon and picked Brother up from work. Then I drove one of his bosses to her home in Sunnyvale, and then we went home.
All this didn't take long, but it felt like it took up most of my day 'cause I don't remember doing anything else today.
Ah, well, actually, I spent a while deleting music files I don't listen to anymore and downloading new ones that I actually listen to XP I deleted about 150 songs and added 50. This makes me feel productive haha.
Mm, remember when I used to do those lyrics and interpretation bulletins on Myspace? haha. I miss doing that. I used to like doing that because, surprisingly, people actually read my bulletins :P and they replied haha.
Eh, I might end up posting lyrics or some shit like that on here just because I don't know what else to post. And I don't like not posting XP Or really, I just don't know what to do with myself at home during break. People need to break me out of the house, yo.
And I dunno. I feel like I just wanna chill with someone and listen to music all day. No talking. Just listening. Feeling the music. But ah, that won't happen.. Oh well.
Anyway, here's a song I just downloaded. It's kinda old. Chuckie A (aka Chuckie Akenz) completely redid his original "Love Hurts" (the one with Kangel), lyrics and all. I actually like this one better. It's less angry(?), more melodious and melancholy haha. I love Chris Charles' chorus. Sad stuff but good -nods-
Hope you enjoyed the song. Maybe I'll share some more of my old faves or something later on. I dunno. Depends on if I feel like sharing :P
Monday, January 4, 2010
Repeating myself over and over...
Feels like it anyway. And I really wish I could come up with a creative title. But sadly, I just can't -_- I wish I would blog about not-sad stuff. But I'm wallowing in self-pity, I suppose. I try not to, but it happens. I'm working on it. Seriously, I'm not just saying that. I'm sure I need help, but I don't know how you could help >_> sooo yeah. You just get to read :P and it's all good :) Knowing someone cares enough to read helps. Yep...
My brain feels all jumbled. Music playing all day long. Even when the radio isn't on, when the iPod isn't on. Some songs are stuck on repeat.
I don't want to keep listening to the same songs over and over. But I do anyway.
I've tried to listen to other songs, happier ones, but it was futile. I would just go back to listening to the not-so-happy songs.
"Stop This Song (Lovesick Melody)" by Paramore
"Doesn't Remind Me" by Audioslave
"Stuck On You" by Paramore
"Rain" by Breaking Benjamin
"Crying" by Sugarcult
"Always" by Saliva
"Pray Forgive Me These Mistakes" by Sherwood
"For The Longest Time" by Sherwood
"Save Me" by Unwritten Law
"Perfect" by Simple Plan
"When I'm Gone" by Simple Plan
"Bury My Head" by Kate Walsh
"Car Underwater" by Armor For Sleep
"Adam's Song" by Blink 182
"Doin' Just Fine" by Magnetic North
I can't even relate to half of these songs, but they just fit my mood -_-
I should go drive alone. As I've said before, when I'm driving alone, I just listen to Owl City and Josh Groban. Happy music. Mellow music. Less sad thinking. Or maybe more, but I can stand it then.
You know, I think it's stupid when people argue over the meaning of a song. Especially those songs that may be about love or about God. Regardless of the songwriter's intended meaning, we all give our own discrete meanings to the song when we listen to it. Our own experiences shape our perspective. Our perspective obviously molds our interpretations of things. People need to let it go. Not everyone's going to agree with your interpretation or opinion on everything.
I also feel like some people are just so unsympathetic. The other day, Brother asked me why I kept listening to such sad songs, sad love songs. So emo or whatever. Not like I've gone through anything that bad that I feel the need to listen to these songs.
Well, one, I don't have many songs that fit into my current mood/situation perfectly. Sad love songs come closest, I suppose. Two, if I listened to the other sad songs, would it make a difference? They're still sad. I'm feeling down, so the music fits even if the words don't necessarily do. Three, music is music. Doesn't matter if I'm listening to Simple Plan, 112, or TaeYang. If their song feels like the song to listen to at that point in time, I'm gonna fuckin' listen to it then.
Ah, I'm not angry. Just trying to explain how I'm thinking. I wish I could explain it to the people who don't listen, but I can't. So I'm doing it here.. Sorry.
Hm, I find it ignorant to dislike musicians because their faith as well. Yeah, their faith may influence their music. So what? They're not trying to convert you. Though, if their song is catchy enough, who knows? I listen to Christian-labeled (labeled, as in listeners say so) music: Switchfoot, Sixpence None The Richer, The Fray, Project 86, Anberlin, Underoath, Lifehouse, Cool Hand Luke, Relient K, etc etc. All good music to my ears. I've been dissed for liking them because of their Christian background and all. And you know what? I don't care, as long as people didn't really intend to insult me when they didn't know me.
I dunno. I just don't get it. People don't like a music artist for whatever reason, fine. Why do they feel a need to insult anyone who disagrees? Why do they need to put down the music artist? What does that do really, other than annoy people or put them on the defensive?
Blahdkjfaljffft. I need to stop thinking about such non-happy things -____- This is hard.. I'm not even talking about what I'm really thinking about. Friggin' weaksauce.
Ugh. My head T-T needs to stop going and stopping. Stopping and going. It hurts.
I need to stop complaining. Damn it..
Three weeks have passed since semester ended. Another three until Spring semester starts. Ahh, maan, I can't believe half of my break is already gone. At least it hasn't been completely wasted. I actually kinda can't wait for school to start again. Being home just sucks the life outta me. The most productive I can be at home is when I have to assemble something for Mother or when I blog haha. When school starts, homework will make me feel productive hopefully.
Mm, so in between songs on the radio station in my head, I watched "Turistas" and "Coraline" today.
"Turistas" is somewhat along the same line as "Hostel." Aside from the "Oh shit, that sucks for them" attitude, my sympathy level during the movie was minimal. At most, I could say that I felt scared for the main characters because I thought about how much it would suck if that shit happened to me. Mm hm, and you don't really get to see much of the bad guys. Like you see them, but you don't really learn much about them, except that they don't like gringos. And I have to say the one scene with the surgery was pretty good. Somewhat methodical, I like. All the other scenes that had blood in it were eh... typical action movie stuff with guns and a chase. I was disappointed by that. I thought there would be more disembowelment XP "Turistas" is not a thriller or horror. To me, it's more of an action film with little nudity, a slow plot, and a poorly executed climax haha. 6/10. I wouldn't watch it again unless I just wanted to stare at Melissa George and Olivia Wilde haha. But even then, nah. Though, the water looks amazing :D
"Coraline" was interesting. I remember Madame saying she liked the movie, and so did her grandkids :P I would give it a 7/10. I thought the movie was going to be creepier than it actually was, but it was still good. I couldn't figure out why not everyone on the other side of the door was strictly good or strictly evil. I guess people are still allowed to choose sides in fantasy worlds, hm. And I want to know where the other world came from. Why are the other people the way they are? Does she really want to love a child or what? I don't get it >_> And why is it the mom? Soo many questions. I'm not thinking it through though. And I'm also quite sad about the ending. No one really learns anything. Well, except Coraline, of course. You should never take your family for granted.
Really, you shouldn't take anyone for granted. Yeaah. Maybe I'll expound this thought another time. Hmm.
You know, I like that Blogspot lets you schedule the posting of entries. So convenient sometimes. Mm hmm. Like I've been slowly adding stuff to this entry all day. Scheduled for midnight. I did this so I wouldn't spend several hours on the computer just to write about a bunch of different things and then wanting to edit them. Even though, I ended up not writing about much, I think. And I got to remember things I wanted to write about. Though, I decided not to write about those things :P
And I know. I've been updating about unimportant things. I just don't know what else to blog about, but I want to blog about something, anything, boring things. Even if I don't like that I'm rambling. Ah, rambling. I remember when I could do that in person. Hm. Alas, the audience...
I'll finish that thought some other time... Not that it really matters anyway.
Oh yeah, I totally forgot to mention this in yesterday's blog: When Autumn, Cristina, Harrison, and I were walking back to Autumn's from San Carlos, a black dude on a bicycle stopped us to ask for directions. He was looking for a place that starts with an "H," but he couldn't remember the whole name. So Autumn tried to help him out. She mentioned something about a place that starts with the word "Historical." Then the guy said something like "Oh, I remember the name now. I'm actually looking for a place called Heaven, and I thought I'd ask you three beautiful ladies because y'all must be angels." I smiled, Autumn laughed, and Cristina apparently looked dumbstruck haha. Harrison just stood behind us and stared. The guy rode away on his bike, laughing and saying, "God bless you." After that, we were like, "Who hits on a girl and then says 'God bless you'?" haha Cristina was disappointed that the guy wasn't hot :P
There was also something about "llamas" and "lamas." Had nothing to do with the guy on the bike. It was way before that, when the sun was still out. But it was hilarious >_> Yay for silly misunderstandings.
Yeah, fun memories haha.
My brain feels all jumbled. Music playing all day long. Even when the radio isn't on, when the iPod isn't on. Some songs are stuck on repeat.
I don't want to keep listening to the same songs over and over. But I do anyway.
I've tried to listen to other songs, happier ones, but it was futile. I would just go back to listening to the not-so-happy songs.
"Stop This Song (Lovesick Melody)" by Paramore
"Doesn't Remind Me" by Audioslave
"Stuck On You" by Paramore
"Rain" by Breaking Benjamin
"Crying" by Sugarcult
"Always" by Saliva
"Pray Forgive Me These Mistakes" by Sherwood
"For The Longest Time" by Sherwood
"Save Me" by Unwritten Law
"Perfect" by Simple Plan
"When I'm Gone" by Simple Plan
"Bury My Head" by Kate Walsh
"Car Underwater" by Armor For Sleep
"Adam's Song" by Blink 182
"Doin' Just Fine" by Magnetic North
I can't even relate to half of these songs, but they just fit my mood -_-
I should go drive alone. As I've said before, when I'm driving alone, I just listen to Owl City and Josh Groban. Happy music. Mellow music. Less sad thinking. Or maybe more, but I can stand it then.
You know, I think it's stupid when people argue over the meaning of a song. Especially those songs that may be about love or about God. Regardless of the songwriter's intended meaning, we all give our own discrete meanings to the song when we listen to it. Our own experiences shape our perspective. Our perspective obviously molds our interpretations of things. People need to let it go. Not everyone's going to agree with your interpretation or opinion on everything.
I also feel like some people are just so unsympathetic. The other day, Brother asked me why I kept listening to such sad songs, sad love songs. So emo or whatever. Not like I've gone through anything that bad that I feel the need to listen to these songs.
Well, one, I don't have many songs that fit into my current mood/situation perfectly. Sad love songs come closest, I suppose. Two, if I listened to the other sad songs, would it make a difference? They're still sad. I'm feeling down, so the music fits even if the words don't necessarily do. Three, music is music. Doesn't matter if I'm listening to Simple Plan, 112, or TaeYang. If their song feels like the song to listen to at that point in time, I'm gonna fuckin' listen to it then.
Ah, I'm not angry. Just trying to explain how I'm thinking. I wish I could explain it to the people who don't listen, but I can't. So I'm doing it here.. Sorry.
Hm, I find it ignorant to dislike musicians because their faith as well. Yeah, their faith may influence their music. So what? They're not trying to convert you. Though, if their song is catchy enough, who knows? I listen to Christian-labeled (labeled, as in listeners say so) music: Switchfoot, Sixpence None The Richer, The Fray, Project 86, Anberlin, Underoath, Lifehouse, Cool Hand Luke, Relient K, etc etc. All good music to my ears. I've been dissed for liking them because of their Christian background and all. And you know what? I don't care, as long as people didn't really intend to insult me when they didn't know me.
I dunno. I just don't get it. People don't like a music artist for whatever reason, fine. Why do they feel a need to insult anyone who disagrees? Why do they need to put down the music artist? What does that do really, other than annoy people or put them on the defensive?
Blahdkjfaljffft. I need to stop thinking about such non-happy things -____- This is hard.. I'm not even talking about what I'm really thinking about. Friggin' weaksauce.
Ugh. My head T-T needs to stop going and stopping. Stopping and going. It hurts.
I need to stop complaining. Damn it..
Three weeks have passed since semester ended. Another three until Spring semester starts. Ahh, maan, I can't believe half of my break is already gone. At least it hasn't been completely wasted. I actually kinda can't wait for school to start again. Being home just sucks the life outta me. The most productive I can be at home is when I have to assemble something for Mother or when I blog haha. When school starts, homework will make me feel productive hopefully.
Mm, so in between songs on the radio station in my head, I watched "Turistas" and "Coraline" today.
"Turistas" is somewhat along the same line as "Hostel." Aside from the "Oh shit, that sucks for them" attitude, my sympathy level during the movie was minimal. At most, I could say that I felt scared for the main characters because I thought about how much it would suck if that shit happened to me. Mm hm, and you don't really get to see much of the bad guys. Like you see them, but you don't really learn much about them, except that they don't like gringos. And I have to say the one scene with the surgery was pretty good. Somewhat methodical, I like. All the other scenes that had blood in it were eh... typical action movie stuff with guns and a chase. I was disappointed by that. I thought there would be more disembowelment XP "Turistas" is not a thriller or horror. To me, it's more of an action film with little nudity, a slow plot, and a poorly executed climax haha. 6/10. I wouldn't watch it again unless I just wanted to stare at Melissa George and Olivia Wilde haha. But even then, nah. Though, the water looks amazing :D
"Coraline" was interesting. I remember Madame saying she liked the movie, and so did her grandkids :P I would give it a 7/10. I thought the movie was going to be creepier than it actually was, but it was still good. I couldn't figure out why not everyone on the other side of the door was strictly good or strictly evil. I guess people are still allowed to choose sides in fantasy worlds, hm. And I want to know where the other world came from. Why are the other people the way they are? Does she really want to love a child or what? I don't get it >_> And why is it the mom? Soo many questions. I'm not thinking it through though. And I'm also quite sad about the ending. No one really learns anything. Well, except Coraline, of course. You should never take your family for granted.
Really, you shouldn't take anyone for granted. Yeaah. Maybe I'll expound this thought another time. Hmm.
You know, I like that Blogspot lets you schedule the posting of entries. So convenient sometimes. Mm hmm. Like I've been slowly adding stuff to this entry all day. Scheduled for midnight. I did this so I wouldn't spend several hours on the computer just to write about a bunch of different things and then wanting to edit them. Even though, I ended up not writing about much, I think. And I got to remember things I wanted to write about. Though, I decided not to write about those things :P
And I know. I've been updating about unimportant things. I just don't know what else to blog about, but I want to blog about something, anything, boring things. Even if I don't like that I'm rambling. Ah, rambling. I remember when I could do that in person. Hm. Alas, the audience...
I'll finish that thought some other time... Not that it really matters anyway.
Oh yeah, I totally forgot to mention this in yesterday's blog: When Autumn, Cristina, Harrison, and I were walking back to Autumn's from San Carlos, a black dude on a bicycle stopped us to ask for directions. He was looking for a place that starts with an "H," but he couldn't remember the whole name. So Autumn tried to help him out. She mentioned something about a place that starts with the word "Historical." Then the guy said something like "Oh, I remember the name now. I'm actually looking for a place called Heaven, and I thought I'd ask you three beautiful ladies because y'all must be angels." I smiled, Autumn laughed, and Cristina apparently looked dumbstruck haha. Harrison just stood behind us and stared. The guy rode away on his bike, laughing and saying, "God bless you." After that, we were like, "Who hits on a girl and then says 'God bless you'?" haha Cristina was disappointed that the guy wasn't hot :P
There was also something about "llamas" and "lamas." Had nothing to do with the guy on the bike. It was way before that, when the sun was still out. But it was hilarious >_> Yay for silly misunderstandings.
Yeah, fun memories haha.
"If you leave, then baby I'll leave..."
Playing "Until It Kills" by Midtown...
I had so much to say this morning. Now, I don't remember anything.
I woke up at 05h30 again, but I almost couldn't get out of bed this morning -_- All the walking and hiking yesterday totally drained me. But I managed to get up by 07h00.
While I was awake in bed, I thought about things. Dreams. Ugh, my dream this morning suuucked..
Basically, I dreamed about a friend leaving T-T She was packing all her things and walking away. I stopped her in the hallway and asked her why she was leaving. She stopped, looked at me for a few seconds, put a hand on my arm, smiled, and then continued walking away. I just stood there and watched her leave.
But for some reason, I feel like my dream actually ended when she smiled at me. Hm. And I woke up with tears in my eyes again -__- These sad dreams are making me not want to go to sleep anymore.
I don't know what's up with my dreams lately. Not liking them much at all. What is going on in my braaaiin? Ahhh...
I had another dream, I think. Driving a big ass SUV from the second row of seats O_o On the freeway. Next to a tour bus that wanted to run me off the road. I managed to survive, but all my passengers disappeared :O They left me because they thought I would kill them. Even though, I wasn't being a reckless driver. The bus guy was :/ And that's all I remember from that dream.
I'm inconsistent, but my dreams feel very consistent(?). I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something >_> What? I have no idea, nor do I really want to figure it out. No matter how simple it may be. I just want my dreams to go back to being happy or neutral dreams.
Ooh, I think I'm gonna start putting down what song I'm listening to at the start and end of each entry. I'm sure it would help me remember what my mood was or something. Eh, maybe I won't do the music thing. Hm. Maybe sometimes. I dunno. I'm just wasting time haha.
Must find consistent things to do. I want to be consistent. Why do I feel so inconsistent?
Mm, have to do stuff for Mother today. I can't hang out with Jamila before she leaves :( This saddens me. Stupid car stuff -_-
Playing "IfULeave" by Musiq Soulchild Ft. Mary J Blige...
I had so much to say this morning. Now, I don't remember anything.
I woke up at 05h30 again, but I almost couldn't get out of bed this morning -_- All the walking and hiking yesterday totally drained me. But I managed to get up by 07h00.
While I was awake in bed, I thought about things. Dreams. Ugh, my dream this morning suuucked..
Basically, I dreamed about a friend leaving T-T She was packing all her things and walking away. I stopped her in the hallway and asked her why she was leaving. She stopped, looked at me for a few seconds, put a hand on my arm, smiled, and then continued walking away. I just stood there and watched her leave.
But for some reason, I feel like my dream actually ended when she smiled at me. Hm. And I woke up with tears in my eyes again -__- These sad dreams are making me not want to go to sleep anymore.
I don't know what's up with my dreams lately. Not liking them much at all. What is going on in my braaaiin? Ahhh...
I had another dream, I think. Driving a big ass SUV from the second row of seats O_o On the freeway. Next to a tour bus that wanted to run me off the road. I managed to survive, but all my passengers disappeared :O They left me because they thought I would kill them. Even though, I wasn't being a reckless driver. The bus guy was :/ And that's all I remember from that dream.
I'm inconsistent, but my dreams feel very consistent(?). I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something >_> What? I have no idea, nor do I really want to figure it out. No matter how simple it may be. I just want my dreams to go back to being happy or neutral dreams.
Ooh, I think I'm gonna start putting down what song I'm listening to at the start and end of each entry. I'm sure it would help me remember what my mood was or something. Eh, maybe I won't do the music thing. Hm. Maybe sometimes. I dunno. I'm just wasting time haha.
Must find consistent things to do. I want to be consistent. Why do I feel so inconsistent?
Mm, have to do stuff for Mother today. I can't hang out with Jamila before she leaves :( This saddens me. Stupid car stuff -_-
Playing "IfULeave" by Musiq Soulchild Ft. Mary J Blige...
Sunday, January 3, 2010
What a Workout!
My knee hurts, my back aches, and the bottoms of my feet sting T-T But it was worth it.
Around 13h00, I picked up Harrison and then Cristina D. They had met before today through Key Club. Interesting. I drove us downtown to Autumn's house. Then off to Alum Rock Park. Parked on McKee Road because I could remember the name. Then we walked for like the next three hours.
Up one trail past sheep to two benches. Down the same trail. Up another less steep, more curvy one, which ended back at the entrance we started at.
I was already tired after the first ten minutes XP but I kept going haha. We had a nice view of the city from the benches. It would be so awesome to camp there. You would able to see all the lights in the city, probably not many stars. But still a nice view. Could almost be romantic haha.
And O-M-G, our conversations -shakes head- I don't know why, but like I said in previous entries, many of the conversations I've been having with people have revolved around sex :O With details haha. I kept silent most of the time ^_^; but I did contribute a few words here and there haha.
Talks of sexual encounters and whatnot. I'm just like O_O Though, Autumn mentioned how Brian and I used to talk about sex all the time haha. Yeah, I talk, but I really haven't done anything >_> It's just talk without experience. Now, you guys are talking about experiences and stuff. I felt slightly awkward, even though I kept listening haha.
"Once you go black, you never go back." haha Well, actually, this was declared later on at Autumn's house, but yeah XP After having sex with a black guy, apparently you can never be satisfied by anyone other than a black guy ever again haha.
Anyway, the long hike left me sore. My knee was killing me. So we walked back to my car. When we reached McKee, I reached into my pocket for my keys. And they weren't there! D: I searched all my pockets. I was frantic. Only thing I could say was "Fuck!" Cristina tried to calm me down a lil. If I panic, I won't find my keys. I was freaking out. Mother would so kill me if I lost the keys to the Avalon AND the Nissan (they're attached to the same keychain). Autumn suggested that I might have dropped it in the car. If so, we could just call a locksmith. So we went to my car, looked in the window, and saw no keys.
On a whim, though I was sure I had pressed the lock button when I got out of the car, I decided to try the doorhandle just in case I didn't lock it. And it fuckin' opened! I was dumbstruck for a moment. Then I realized the car unlocks all locks when you try to lock all doors with the key still in the ignition. So I looked at the starter, and there they were! My keys! :O Damn, I was fuckin' relieved haha. Fuuck, I've never forgotten my keys in the ignition before D: That was the first time and hopefully the last. Scared me half to death T-T
Man, I'm so glad that it was a nice and safe neighborhood. If I had parked my car in some ghetto ass place, my car would have been long gone. Ahh, geez -_- My memory is dying slowly.
After that, I drove us back to Autumn's house. Got some water to drink and some apples to eat. Juicy Fuji apples, mmmm... haha. They were really good. Also pork buns, corn bread, and tamales.
Around 17h30, we decided we wanted to go look at the Monopoly board on San Carlos. So we walked for twenty or so minutes. Went in the Fairmont first and the left. Got to the board. Were disappointed by the size of the board. Took our time pointing out all the sexual innuendo we could find on the board game. I refused a group hug, heh, sorry. Then we walked back to Autumn's house. Mother called during the walk back to yell at me for being out all day -__-
Six hours is only a quarter of a day >_>
Anyway, more innuendo-filled conversation on the walk to and from the board game.
I drove Cristina and Harrison home. Now, I'm home, and Mother decided not to yell at me because I said my friends and I hadn't eaten all day.
You know, I don't know what it is. Maybe we're just all good friends. Or maybe they really are just open about stuff. But damn, there was a lot of talk about sex today haha. Ah, and though it would be a funny thought, Autumn, Cristina, Harrison, and I did not talk about sex the whole time XP Most of the time, maybe. But not the whole time. We talked a lil bit about music and racial/physical preferences >_>
What I mean is who we're attracted to. Yeaah. I dunno if I should mention what everyone had said because I'm not sure if everyone would want me to say much :P Even though, they're pretty open about everything. Obviously. Hm. Well, we know Autumn has only dated Grant, so yeaah. Go black, haha. Cristina prefers black guys over all others. Not lesbian, but she thinks some women are fiiine haha (even I don't scope people out for real). She may be a 5 on the Kinsey scale, like how Harrison rates himself (though, I think they meant to say 1 not 5 haha). Harrison prefers Asian girls and short hair, yeah. Though, he wouldn't let his preferences stop him. Cristina and I pretty much agreed that we've never really found ourselves attracted to Indians (the Asian ones, not Native Americans) before. Just never clicked with any.
And yes, although I contributed to the Indian comment, I did not actually talk about my preferences XP Though, I'm sure I've mentioned them in this blog at some point... Or not. Not actual physical preferences. Just ideal girlfriend qualities or something like that haha. Still not much to inform you of what I want, but eh -shrug- you don't need to know, do you?
And you know, I actually haven't mentioned love or the lack of it all that much in this blog (compared to my old LJ). Oh, I'm so proud of myself XD
I'm still obsessing, I s'pose, but not like I used to haha. Good. Or maybe I'm just fooling myself. Hm. Anyway, I just read my obsession-tagged entries from March 2009 (because I was looking for the linked post). Wow. Such a downer. Actually. Still a downer. Still thinking the same way.
"Who could love such an inconsistent person? So inadequate. So afraid. So boring. So lost." I still feel this way -sigh- but eh whatever. Oh, forgive the slight ADD-ness of the entry. I never seem to be able to focus on just one thing.
I've kinda been talking to people lately. But I feel like everything I've been saying is nothing. Don't know how to explain it. Don't know what I'm trying to say, I s'pose. Ahhh, I just want release. Release of what? I do not know. Or maybe I just don't want to acknowledge what I know. Blehh, I'm not making sense, am I? -_- I just need sleep. And to stick to resolutions, yeah. Focus focus focus. On things. More important things -nods-
Man, it's 48 degress outside right now. Just went out to cover the car. Painful. Should have worn a jacket. But it was only for a few minutes haha.
Ok, going to bed early again. So tiiired x_x and in pain haha. I need a massage. But I'll just settle for a hug from my stuffed dog in my sleep haha... ^_^
Bonne nuit, mes amis.
Around 13h00, I picked up Harrison and then Cristina D. They had met before today through Key Club. Interesting. I drove us downtown to Autumn's house. Then off to Alum Rock Park. Parked on McKee Road because I could remember the name. Then we walked for like the next three hours.
Up one trail past sheep to two benches. Down the same trail. Up another less steep, more curvy one, which ended back at the entrance we started at.
I was already tired after the first ten minutes XP but I kept going haha. We had a nice view of the city from the benches. It would be so awesome to camp there. You would able to see all the lights in the city, probably not many stars. But still a nice view. Could almost be romantic haha.
And O-M-G, our conversations -shakes head- I don't know why, but like I said in previous entries, many of the conversations I've been having with people have revolved around sex :O With details haha. I kept silent most of the time ^_^; but I did contribute a few words here and there haha.
Talks of sexual encounters and whatnot. I'm just like O_O Though, Autumn mentioned how Brian and I used to talk about sex all the time haha. Yeah, I talk, but I really haven't done anything >_> It's just talk without experience. Now, you guys are talking about experiences and stuff. I felt slightly awkward, even though I kept listening haha.
"Once you go black, you never go back." haha Well, actually, this was declared later on at Autumn's house, but yeah XP After having sex with a black guy, apparently you can never be satisfied by anyone other than a black guy ever again haha.
Anyway, the long hike left me sore. My knee was killing me. So we walked back to my car. When we reached McKee, I reached into my pocket for my keys. And they weren't there! D: I searched all my pockets. I was frantic. Only thing I could say was "Fuck!" Cristina tried to calm me down a lil. If I panic, I won't find my keys. I was freaking out. Mother would so kill me if I lost the keys to the Avalon AND the Nissan (they're attached to the same keychain). Autumn suggested that I might have dropped it in the car. If so, we could just call a locksmith. So we went to my car, looked in the window, and saw no keys.
On a whim, though I was sure I had pressed the lock button when I got out of the car, I decided to try the doorhandle just in case I didn't lock it. And it fuckin' opened! I was dumbstruck for a moment. Then I realized the car unlocks all locks when you try to lock all doors with the key still in the ignition. So I looked at the starter, and there they were! My keys! :O Damn, I was fuckin' relieved haha. Fuuck, I've never forgotten my keys in the ignition before D: That was the first time and hopefully the last. Scared me half to death T-T
Man, I'm so glad that it was a nice and safe neighborhood. If I had parked my car in some ghetto ass place, my car would have been long gone. Ahh, geez -_- My memory is dying slowly.
After that, I drove us back to Autumn's house. Got some water to drink and some apples to eat. Juicy Fuji apples, mmmm... haha. They were really good. Also pork buns, corn bread, and tamales.
Around 17h30, we decided we wanted to go look at the Monopoly board on San Carlos. So we walked for twenty or so minutes. Went in the Fairmont first and the left. Got to the board. Were disappointed by the size of the board. Took our time pointing out all the sexual innuendo we could find on the board game. I refused a group hug, heh, sorry. Then we walked back to Autumn's house. Mother called during the walk back to yell at me for being out all day -__-
Six hours is only a quarter of a day >_>
Anyway, more innuendo-filled conversation on the walk to and from the board game.
I drove Cristina and Harrison home. Now, I'm home, and Mother decided not to yell at me because I said my friends and I hadn't eaten all day.
You know, I don't know what it is. Maybe we're just all good friends. Or maybe they really are just open about stuff. But damn, there was a lot of talk about sex today haha. Ah, and though it would be a funny thought, Autumn, Cristina, Harrison, and I did not talk about sex the whole time XP Most of the time, maybe. But not the whole time. We talked a lil bit about music and racial/physical preferences >_>
What I mean is who we're attracted to. Yeaah. I dunno if I should mention what everyone had said because I'm not sure if everyone would want me to say much :P Even though, they're pretty open about everything. Obviously. Hm. Well, we know Autumn has only dated Grant, so yeaah. Go black, haha. Cristina prefers black guys over all others. Not lesbian, but she thinks some women are fiiine haha (even I don't scope people out for real). She may be a 5 on the Kinsey scale, like how Harrison rates himself (though, I think they meant to say 1 not 5 haha). Harrison prefers Asian girls and short hair, yeah. Though, he wouldn't let his preferences stop him. Cristina and I pretty much agreed that we've never really found ourselves attracted to Indians (the Asian ones, not Native Americans) before. Just never clicked with any.
And yes, although I contributed to the Indian comment, I did not actually talk about my preferences XP Though, I'm sure I've mentioned them in this blog at some point... Or not. Not actual physical preferences. Just ideal girlfriend qualities or something like that haha. Still not much to inform you of what I want, but eh -shrug- you don't need to know, do you?
And you know, I actually haven't mentioned love or the lack of it all that much in this blog (compared to my old LJ). Oh, I'm so proud of myself XD
I'm still obsessing, I s'pose, but not like I used to haha. Good. Or maybe I'm just fooling myself. Hm. Anyway, I just read my obsession-tagged entries from March 2009 (because I was looking for the linked post). Wow. Such a downer. Actually. Still a downer. Still thinking the same way.
"Who could love such an inconsistent person? So inadequate. So afraid. So boring. So lost." I still feel this way -sigh- but eh whatever. Oh, forgive the slight ADD-ness of the entry. I never seem to be able to focus on just one thing.
I've kinda been talking to people lately. But I feel like everything I've been saying is nothing. Don't know how to explain it. Don't know what I'm trying to say, I s'pose. Ahhh, I just want release. Release of what? I do not know. Or maybe I just don't want to acknowledge what I know. Blehh, I'm not making sense, am I? -_- I just need sleep. And to stick to resolutions, yeah. Focus focus focus. On things. More important things -nods-
Man, it's 48 degress outside right now. Just went out to cover the car. Painful. Should have worn a jacket. But it was only for a few minutes haha.
Ok, going to bed early again. So tiiired x_x and in pain haha. I need a massage. But I'll just settle for a hug from my stuffed dog in my sleep haha... ^_^
Bonne nuit, mes amis.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Day 2 of 2010
I would come up with creative titles for my entries, but you know my vault of creativity has been pretty much empty. I just have my moments.
Anyway, yesterday, I texted people to see who wanted to go ice skating, but it turns out a lot of people would be leaving for school today. Mm.. Sad.
So, as of now, Autumn and I are going to go hiking or something tomorrow. Maybe I should invite other people -shrug-
Monday with Jamila. Don't know what we're doing yet. But it will be fun :P I hope. I can get pretty boring, you know? We'll see what happens.
Didn't really do much today. Yesterday, I went to bed at 20h30 because I didn't know what to do without the computer. Woke up at 05h30 this morning (I need to get past this erratic sleep pattern soon -_-). Got up at 06h50. Did my push-ups, sit-ups, and chin-ups. I'm actually kinda sore from this >_< My calves hurt when I walk, and my stomach muscles ache when I cough or laugh. But, you know, I hope my morning routine sticks haha. I will be disappointed if I lose momentum. I still need to figure out what I'm gonna do twice a week. Mother's not fond of the idea of me going out in the morning to exercise. But I want to do it in the morning, so I can shower early. And I need to figure what I'm gonna do once school starts.
I also tried to meditate this morning, but Mother and D were talking too loud. I can't quite tune noises out just yet. I need to start with total silence. Maybe I should do that first thing in the morning. Or just before bed. Haven't decided. Anyway, at first, I just stared straight ahead and took deep breaths. Then Mother started talking. So I had to close my eyes. Tried not to concentrate on anything except my breath, but her voice was very pervasive.
I shall work on the meditation. Gradually, I will be able to focus -nods-
I haven't been drinking much water XP No water bottles in the house. Must bring them in from the garage. Or get water from the water dispenser, though I don't like the taste of it haha.
I'm also doing pretty well with the three-hour limit on the Internet. However, I still don't know what to do with myself. With all this free time, I'm kinda still just sitting around. Well, I read a lil. Watch a lil TV (first time at home in a couple months, I think). Think even more than usual. Obsess about what emails I might be missing haha (like FAFSA emails. Btw, I submitted mine yesterday ^_^ I'm so proud of myself, being ahead of the game haha).
Aaand I've gotten annoyed a few times yesterday and today -__- I'm trying really hard to let things slide, but ahh.. I hate that I'm so irritable now. I'm trying. Really, I am. I just don't know how to let things go -sigh- I need a break. I need a break from my family. Like a month-long break. It would be nice to get away from the greatest source of the anger, yeah? Mm...
Oh, so today, during breakfast, Mother told me that she is willing to pay for Expo again, this time including cosplay stuff if I decide to cosplay. I still haven't decided. Anyway, I'm pretty sure D talked her into it. He probably told her that I stay home too much, that I need to get out more with my friends. I dunno. And eh of course, right after that bit, she told me I had to graduate and take care of her.
Of course, I will. But I'm not doing it just because she's paying for Expo or whatever. She's my mom. I would never turn my back on my family, and I just wish she would stop saying it like it's my damn obligation. It is not my obligation. It will be my choice. But she wouldn't understand. If I told her it's not my obligation but my choice, she would freak out and say I'm a disrespectful [insert unkind words here].
Anyway, back to Expo... So if Alex and Jeisun get ideas, plans, and people together, I get to go with them :) Yay! 2005, 2007, 2008... now 2010. May be my last Expo trip. We'll see. Could be my last 'cuz I don't wanna keep wasting money on it XP especially if I'm not that big on anime or manga haha. Spending like $500+ each time, not good. Makes me as bad as Mother and Brother with money. However, I want to buy another (normal) sword :P So if we drive down to LA, I'm gonna buy me another weapon. Yes, I know they're not real, but it's ok. They're sharp enough ^_^ And really, I just like the hilt designs haha.
One day, I will own some real weapons (that I will learn to use). Just for kicks :3
Ooh, that reminds me. I really want Robert to teach me armed combat with short swords and whatnot. Ah, he was supposed to teach me last summer, but I barely left the house then -__- This year! It will happen.
Ah, what else? There was something else. I should write these things down. I'm always forgetting what I want to say -_-
Mm, for some reason, Owl City and Josh Groban are all I've been playing when driving lately. My driving music, hmm? Must be. Their songs are the only ones I'm in the mood for when I'm in the car. I find myself singing along, even when Brother is in the car :O At home, on the other hand, I listen to everything else. More Ne-Yo and Sherwood, more R&B and rock-ish music. Less singing along.
I don't know why I'm mentioning this. The music I've been listening to lately, the mood I've been in. They don't seem to match. Hm.
I feel like I'm thinking more yet less when I'm listening to music. I'm not sure how that makes sense to me, but it does.
Need distractions. Hip hop and rap. Major distraction there. Makes me sing along and think about the lyrics instead of other stuff haha. "Gangsta Luv." The shit right there :P
I feel like going back to the past. In my head. Not literally. Though, sometimes, I think it would be nice to see the past more clearly. Anyway, I'm headed back to sophomore year. Good times, new friends. And new experiences, I suppose >_> Freshman year, better times (in terms of the ratio between joy and experience, yeah). Gosh, you know, I miss freshman year when I didn't think about anything more than watching movies with friends and Brother and getting good grades. Sophomore year, things changed, people came and left, friends changed. Of course, everyone's always changing, but I just didn't notice until sophomore year. I don't know why. But I noticed more that year. Hmm.
Blahh... -____- I'm gonna get myself obsessed about the past. The people, the experiences, the feelings, everything. Whyy? I don't know. I just feel like it. Thinking about it. If you know why I'm doing this, please do tell. 'Cuz I seriously don't know why I do this to myself haha. Yeaah.
Ok, I think I've reached my three hours for today. Good night.
Anyway, yesterday, I texted people to see who wanted to go ice skating, but it turns out a lot of people would be leaving for school today. Mm.. Sad.
So, as of now, Autumn and I are going to go hiking or something tomorrow. Maybe I should invite other people -shrug-
Monday with Jamila. Don't know what we're doing yet. But it will be fun :P I hope. I can get pretty boring, you know? We'll see what happens.
Didn't really do much today. Yesterday, I went to bed at 20h30 because I didn't know what to do without the computer. Woke up at 05h30 this morning (I need to get past this erratic sleep pattern soon -_-). Got up at 06h50. Did my push-ups, sit-ups, and chin-ups. I'm actually kinda sore from this >_< My calves hurt when I walk, and my stomach muscles ache when I cough or laugh. But, you know, I hope my morning routine sticks haha. I will be disappointed if I lose momentum. I still need to figure out what I'm gonna do twice a week. Mother's not fond of the idea of me going out in the morning to exercise. But I want to do it in the morning, so I can shower early. And I need to figure what I'm gonna do once school starts.
I also tried to meditate this morning, but Mother and D were talking too loud. I can't quite tune noises out just yet. I need to start with total silence. Maybe I should do that first thing in the morning. Or just before bed. Haven't decided. Anyway, at first, I just stared straight ahead and took deep breaths. Then Mother started talking. So I had to close my eyes. Tried not to concentrate on anything except my breath, but her voice was very pervasive.
I shall work on the meditation. Gradually, I will be able to focus -nods-
I haven't been drinking much water XP No water bottles in the house. Must bring them in from the garage. Or get water from the water dispenser, though I don't like the taste of it haha.
I'm also doing pretty well with the three-hour limit on the Internet. However, I still don't know what to do with myself. With all this free time, I'm kinda still just sitting around. Well, I read a lil. Watch a lil TV (first time at home in a couple months, I think). Think even more than usual. Obsess about what emails I might be missing haha (like FAFSA emails. Btw, I submitted mine yesterday ^_^ I'm so proud of myself, being ahead of the game haha).
Aaand I've gotten annoyed a few times yesterday and today -__- I'm trying really hard to let things slide, but ahh.. I hate that I'm so irritable now. I'm trying. Really, I am. I just don't know how to let things go -sigh- I need a break. I need a break from my family. Like a month-long break. It would be nice to get away from the greatest source of the anger, yeah? Mm...
Oh, so today, during breakfast, Mother told me that she is willing to pay for Expo again, this time including cosplay stuff if I decide to cosplay. I still haven't decided. Anyway, I'm pretty sure D talked her into it. He probably told her that I stay home too much, that I need to get out more with my friends. I dunno. And eh of course, right after that bit, she told me I had to graduate and take care of her.
Of course, I will. But I'm not doing it just because she's paying for Expo or whatever. She's my mom. I would never turn my back on my family, and I just wish she would stop saying it like it's my damn obligation. It is not my obligation. It will be my choice. But she wouldn't understand. If I told her it's not my obligation but my choice, she would freak out and say I'm a disrespectful [insert unkind words here].
Anyway, back to Expo... So if Alex and Jeisun get ideas, plans, and people together, I get to go with them :) Yay! 2005, 2007, 2008... now 2010. May be my last Expo trip. We'll see. Could be my last 'cuz I don't wanna keep wasting money on it XP especially if I'm not that big on anime or manga haha. Spending like $500+ each time, not good. Makes me as bad as Mother and Brother with money. However, I want to buy another (normal) sword :P So if we drive down to LA, I'm gonna buy me another weapon. Yes, I know they're not real, but it's ok. They're sharp enough ^_^ And really, I just like the hilt designs haha.
One day, I will own some real weapons (that I will learn to use). Just for kicks :3
Ooh, that reminds me. I really want Robert to teach me armed combat with short swords and whatnot. Ah, he was supposed to teach me last summer, but I barely left the house then -__- This year! It will happen.
Ah, what else? There was something else. I should write these things down. I'm always forgetting what I want to say -_-
Mm, for some reason, Owl City and Josh Groban are all I've been playing when driving lately. My driving music, hmm? Must be. Their songs are the only ones I'm in the mood for when I'm in the car. I find myself singing along, even when Brother is in the car :O At home, on the other hand, I listen to everything else. More Ne-Yo and Sherwood, more R&B and rock-ish music. Less singing along.
I don't know why I'm mentioning this. The music I've been listening to lately, the mood I've been in. They don't seem to match. Hm.
I feel like I'm thinking more yet less when I'm listening to music. I'm not sure how that makes sense to me, but it does.
Need distractions. Hip hop and rap. Major distraction there. Makes me sing along and think about the lyrics instead of other stuff haha. "Gangsta Luv." The shit right there :P
I feel like going back to the past. In my head. Not literally. Though, sometimes, I think it would be nice to see the past more clearly. Anyway, I'm headed back to sophomore year. Good times, new friends. And new experiences, I suppose >_> Freshman year, better times (in terms of the ratio between joy and experience, yeah). Gosh, you know, I miss freshman year when I didn't think about anything more than watching movies with friends and Brother and getting good grades. Sophomore year, things changed, people came and left, friends changed. Of course, everyone's always changing, but I just didn't notice until sophomore year. I don't know why. But I noticed more that year. Hmm.
Blahh... -____- I'm gonna get myself obsessed about the past. The people, the experiences, the feelings, everything. Whyy? I don't know. I just feel like it. Thinking about it. If you know why I'm doing this, please do tell. 'Cuz I seriously don't know why I do this to myself haha. Yeaah.
Ok, I think I've reached my three hours for today. Good night.
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