How revealing...

Or not.


I occasionally edit my profile on Facebook. Adding information, removing information. I get tired of the information I leave on there. There's so much I want to say, yet so little I want to share. Besides, it seems that no one ever reads the profiles before or after they add a friend. When people add me, they tend to ask questions to which the answers have already been given. So I figure I should just remove all information about myself. But I don't because I'm still holding onto the hope that people check.

Really, what is the point of having a profile if nobody ever reads them? I read them. Obviously, my friends wouldn't mind if I knew stuff about them. So I read.

So I was editing my profile this morning because I didn't know what else to do. I removed some of the few facts I had there. I didn't really add anything. Well, I revealed my birth date because my friends keep wondering why I don't share it. I don't know. I just don't care if people remember. And well, it means more to me if they can remember on their own without Facebook's reminders. But eh -shrug- again, why should I care? A birthday is just another day.

I removed all my favorite book titles. No one really cares. Actually, I'm pretty sure no one cares that I edited my profile. It's a trivial matter. Thank goodness. We're not completely sucked into the online social networking lifestyle.

I reduced the number of favorite quotes to the three that I am most fond of. A quote from The Buddha (Siddhartha Gautama), a quote from Elbert Hubbard, and a quote from Real Live Preacher (Gordon Atkinson). They speak to me haha.

When I got to the "About Me" section, I didn't know what to write. When I had gotten my second Facebook, I left the section blank. Then I put in two or three long paragraphs. Then reduced it down to one paragraph. Then a few lines. Then two lines.

This morning, I started writing something new:
"I feel like I never use the right words. So I resort to silent understanding. I don't know how to comfort people; I just know to hug when I should."

Then I stopped. Is this how I want to "introduce" myself to people? I mean, pretty much everyone who is a friend on Facebook already knows me (well, hopefully they do). How do I talk about myself with people who already know who I am? (Bigger question: How do I talk to people?)

So I went back to my original two-liner and changed it to one: "I am friend or stranger, but I will never be your enemy."

Corny and lame. But better that than some "Hi, my name is... I like..."

I want to delete my Facebook again because it makes me think like this. I have "friends" (fewer than in my first account), but I don't really talk with most of them. We don't keep in touch. Not even a poke. What is Facebook doing for me? Why do I have a Facebook? Why did I get another one? Oh yeah, because I needed to talk to one person and the only way to contact her was through Facebook. I was supposed to just use Facebook to talk to people when I needed to. But then friends started adding me or asking me to add them. And I, being the nice person that I am, oblige and am left feeling disappointed.

People who know who I am and who kinda care about me. But they don't really care. They have closer friends to think about. Why do I care so much?

There's not much to do on Facebook. Yet, I log on at least once every day. I suppose Facebook helps me keep up with what's going on in people's lives. But I'm trying to not do anything on the computer. But I have nothing to do. Except reading and doing homework. I need to go to campus to do homework. I have no focus at home. Schoolwork should remain in school. Not home.

Honestly, I feel like I'm losing touch with everyone. I know I am.

Facebook makes me feel more detached from the world than it should.


What am I doing? I'm complaining.. About what's not happening. About what I'm not doing. About what I'm not trying. Passivity. It's a vice.

I'm complaining. Why am I complaining? I don't deserve to complain. What a vice.

What deserts shall I receive, if any? None, I shall have none, for I have not done.
Or should it be "None, I shall have none, for naught I have done"? I don't know if either is grammatically correct. I think the latter sounds better and is more poetically appealing though :P


Change. I need change. Or else I'm gonna be in this funk for much too long. A change in environment. A change in mindset. A change in something.

I'll figure it out. I will.