I want to be cautious, not paranoid.
But it's difficult. Mother woke me up this morning because the sprinklers had apparently been on for five hours D: (Water bill's gonna be high this month). And they're still leaking.
Mother believes that someone stuck their hand in through the mail slot in the garage to mess with the sprinkler system. I told her that did not happen because the settings are the same as always. Something's probably physically wrong with the sprinkler system. But she won't let go of the belief that someone's fuckin' with us.. -_-
I don't want to hear her paranoid conjectures anymore. I've been listening to them for a long time. I used to believe her. Now, not so much. Though, somewhere in my brain, I hear what-ifs. Then I tell myself, "No. Don't believe such crap. It's paranoia. There's no evidence." But I can't help wondering if she's right about those people.
I can feel the paranoia creep in. I don't wanna be like that. Don't wanna think like that about people I don't even know. But it's getting a lil harder. Especially when Mother starts talking about people I do know. Like my friends ): She hasn't been right about them often. But the few times she mentioned a negative trait that I'd also noticed, I just thought "What if she's been right about my other friends?"
Then I slap myself for being silly. But again, I can't help it. Egh, I wish I could push those stupid thoughts out of my mind. So hard to trust people when all I can think about is how they might hurt me or how they might be planning something to hurt my family. Conspiracies >_< that I know are not real.
Blahh. Enough about how much I dislike paranoia.
Resolutions.
I think I'm gonna stop making yearly resolutions. I feel too inadequate to fulfill them. Or I really need someone to make sure I make more realistic resolutions haha. Maybe I'll just make lists of things to keep in mind XP I feel like I'm giving up too easily. I lost my motivation for the resolutions pretty quickly this year haha.
Progress(?):
1. Follow: No anger. No complaints.
-I'm sure this was an unrealistic resolution. I'm still always angry and complaining -_- Quite pathetic. Though I don't complain about every little thing my family does now, I'm still complaining too much. Still complaining about myself haha.
2. Daily: Get out of bed by 0700.
-I do this on school days. I haven't been doing it on weekends ):
3. Daily: Meditate for 10 minutes.
-I never got started on this. Or it's an irregular activity.
4. Daily: Do 20 push-ups, 20 crunches, 20 chin-ups.
-I'm good with this. One of the few things I can keep up with.
5. Do a fitness activity at least twice a week.
-I'm scrapping this. Biking to and from the light rail station is good enough XP
6. Daily: Drink 1 bottle of water.
-I'm now not as consistent with this as I was in the first two months of the year haha.
7. Daily: Spend 3 extra hours max on the Internet.
-Most days, a success. Some days, people decide to talk to me on AIM. Though, I suppose doing my homework at the same time is ok haha.
8. Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
-Yay, French class. Vietnamese, I need to find someone to teach me XP
9. Choose a major by March 31.
-Working on this. I intend to decide by tomorrow night. For now, I'm pretty sure I'll at least minor in Philosophy, but that's as far as I've gotten.
10. Get a job by summertime.
-Not likely. None of the places I applied to online replied. I should probably apply in person. But I think now is a bit too late to apply for summer. And still no car, so I don't know how I'd get myself to work.
11. Do not doubt myself.
-I'm still not sure how I'm supposed to do this. Too vague, mm. How does one find confidence in oneself?
12. Prepare for and go to Anime Expo 2010.
-This may be a go. Not yet sure. Depends on if I wanna fork over $75 (or even $65) for a four-day weekend when it used to be just $55. Also depends on if I wanna spend money the hotel room. First need to find out when Maggie and her friends are going down to Anaheim because I may just replace AX with Disneyland haha.
13. Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone.
-Meh. No occasion to spend the night outside with anyone. Though, I'm sure one of my friends wants to go to Half Moon Bay for a night. Eh -shrug- If anyone wants to go somewhere outside for a night, invite me :P so we can watch the sunset or sunrise together :D
So which resolutions have I been doing well with?: 4 and 8 haha. #9 is going to be accomplished tomorrow -nods- The ones I'm kinda sticking to are #1, 2, 6, 7, and 12, I guess.
I feel so not happy that I'm not sticking to this list haha. But it doesn't feel all that important to me anymore. I think next year I'll just try to stick to two or three resolutions instead of long a list XP Long lists of resolutions, not so smart on my part haha. Can't focus on all of them.
I think I'm doing better with the list of non-resolutions:
+Learn how to play piano or guitar. [no]
+Talk to people more. Initiate more conversations. [kinda]
+Go out with friends weekly. [yeah]
+Don't drive too fast. Don't rush. [yeah]
+Be honest. Do not lie. [mm, yeah and no. I'm trying]
+Obsess less. Figure out more solutions. Make decisive decisions. [mm, no]
+Eat enough fruits and vegetable every day. [yeah]
+Avoid 80+ proof liquor. [hellz yeah]
+Go to SF Pride. Get a small group of friends to go. [not summer yet]
+Go to ST's 2010 graduation. [June hasn't arrived yet]
+Read all the novels suggested by friends. [waiting till May]
+Finish at least half the list of "Movies To Watch." [waiting till May]
+Have a horror/thriller movie marathon. [kinda, but next time with people haha]
+Go to a concert. [no]
+Hug more. [yes, shocking >_>]
+Wander through the city (any city). [no]
+Explore San Jose's Japantown. [no]
+Celebrate my birthday. [not yet]
Fulfilling and not fulfilling resolutions affects how I feel about myself as a person haha.. And I think labeling my resolutions makes them feel like obligations. I really don't like feeling obligated to do anything. I want to do things for myself because I want to, not because I am expected to. I should have thought about that. Now, I feel lame -_- haha.
Hmm, now that I'm thinking about things... I think I would prefer to go to Anaheim at the end of May instead of to Expo. I mean, I'm sure Jeisun and Andrew are probably going to Expo. I know Kat's not going. Who else would be going? Must reduce cost of hotel room for it to be worth it XP For Anaheim, Maggie's friend might have free tickets, right? Hmm... Aaand I've only been to Disneyland once when I was five, and that experience wasn't all that amazing. Would like to build a happy memory of Disneyland haha.
Either way, I wanna go down to SoCal this summer. Or well, anywhere that's more than a two-hour drive away really. I don't wanna stay in the Bay Area all summer again. So if Disneyland and Expo don't happen, I still wanna go somewhere. Just dunno where or with whom, hm.
Hmm, what else did I wanna say in this entry? Eh -shrug- Hm, I had to sleep in the living room today because Brother fell asleep in my room -_- Can't sleep with his snoring. Anyway, sleep was elusive. Went to bed at 0100. Head hurt. Kept waking up again. But I remember a dream where someone hugged me. I'm getting more hug dreams @_@ Whhyyy?
Spring Break is going slow and quick. Sad that most others' springs breaks were last week. So not many people to chill with this week. I've gotten a lot of homework done though, especially over the weekend and yesterday. But I still have my two essays to start >_> Should have started yesterday, but I ended up watching movies online. "Cube," "Cube 2: Hypercube," "Cube Zero," and "Thir13en Ghosts." First three were the ones that Brian L told me about. The last one, I've just enjoyed since it came out nine years ago. "Cube," interesting idea, poor execution, bad acting (haha I recognized the actress who played Leaven). Traps weren't as interesting as I thought they would be. But the first trap in "Cube Zero" was awesome. "Water!"
"Thir13en Ghosts" has always entertained me. Acting was ok. The ghosts look pretty awesome. Though, the big baby looks kinda gross. And the lawyer's death is pretty cool, and his post-death movement was a bit funny haha.
Anyway, I will try to find the motivation to start my essays. And I'm gonna keep watching movies (been a while). And I may start reading Naruto, but who knows? So many volumes to catch up to x_x
Yeah, there's my long entry for the week. Unless something cool happens in the next few days. Like I get to go outside and chill with people haha. Supposed to rain all week >_< mm...
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
I missed the first Queer Prom to watch friends fight...
So yesterday and today (Wednesday and Thursday) have been quite awesome.
Yesterday, I went to AAS to turn in an essay and to fight sleepiness. Took the light rail to back to Oakridge to hang out with Autumn and Ariane for a while. Went back to campus around 2 for French class.
Really, yesterday sucked. Crappy day with a few highlights. Woke up later than I was supposed to, got yelled at for it, ended up being hella exhausted all day, actually fell asleep in both classes (first time I've really fallen asleep in a college class). Other stuffs happened, but eh, whatever.
But I got to chill with Autumn and Ariane :) Catch up, do and talk about silly things, go to the Dollar Tree store. I showed Ariane part of the routine I learned from hip hop class. She's proud of me ^_^ Yay! haha... I can do the Reject better than her :O !! No wayy.
Ah, I miss hanging out with them. I say this every time I see people from high school. I really miss you guys.
Anyway, not much else happened yesterday that's memorable. I was gonna crash at Shiva's for a lil bit before going home because I was tired and my head hurt. But I decided against it. Not sure if that was smart on my part because I fell asleep on the light rail XP Oh well.
Today was a better day. Today was full of awesome.
No Stephanie H on the light rail this morning though ): So I went to campus. As I was walking to my usual spot at the bench near the Event Center, I saw Brian walk past with his naginata. So I called him on the cell, caught up to him, spoke with him for a while, and then parted ways.
Shiva got out of her class early so she could go study for a midterm. I followed her to DMH. We just sat in the hallway outside her classroom for two and a half hours. I did my crossword. She studied. I read a part of Breathless. She tortured me. She wouldn't focus D: 'cause I'm so amazing and distracting. She just couldn't take her eyes off of me :P
When Shiva went to class at noon, I went to go sit at a table in front of Clark Hall as usual. Did some reading. One of my classmates came up to me to ask about the midterm for our class at 13h30 (I kinda forgot about the midterm >_>). Tried to help him out as best as I could, which wasn't much.
Ten minutes after he left, another guy came to me and made small talk. He then offered me a copy of Bhagavad Gita As It Is and a DVD, "The Library of Vedic Culture." We had a short conversation about that stuff. I also gave him a $15 donation for the center that he was working for -shrug- I rarely spend money. I don't like to. But I like to give.
After he left, a guy from Spartan Daily interviewed me for the paper. Talked about income taxes. "I don't work, and I'm not looking forward to doing taxes in the future." I didn't really contribute much of an opinion. I really don't care XP At least not yet.
Shiva called around 13h00. Talked for a bit about her midterm and stuff XP Eight-minute conversation. I don't remember the last time I talked to anyone on the phone for more than maybe four minutes, except for customer service.
I took my midterm. Finished in half an hour. Really simple midterm. Five MC, twenty or so fill-in-the-blank. Though, I'm sure I missed at least five of them. I got confused, and my headache did not make it any easier. But eh, whatever. I think I'll get an A. Thinking positive. Really though, Linguistics is an easy and simple class, so I should be ok.
Got out at 14h00. Chilled at Shiva's, while she finished packing for SoCal. Walked her to the Santa Clara light rail stop. Hugged. She got on the light rail. It didn't leave immediately. Enough time to decide that I would accompany her to the airport :P (Craig M happened to be on the light rail haha).
Light rail, bus to airport. She checked in. We walked outside for a lil bit. She learned that I am not human because I don't know how to press flowers :P After, we walked back so she could wait in line to go through security and whatnot. In line, I noticed a lot of the older people staring at me and at my hat (Fierce-Nice Hat) O_O I kept wishing people would stop looking at me >_< Anyway, when we were close to the front of the line, I decided I should leave :P Hugs and good wishes. Then I was out.
Bus back to light rail. Light rail back to campus. Got my bike, went to the Engineering Building to chill with Brian for a bit, watched a part of the third episode of Katanagatari. I left early. Called Harrison to leave. While waiting for him, I ran into Phil C, the guy from Shiva's party. We talked for a bit about photography and bikes :P Then Harrison joined us and didn't make sense haha.
Light rail with Harrison was interesting. His side of the conversation included quite a bit of detail about things >_> Haha "player-explorer." How many girls he's done stuff with, I do not know, but it seems like a lot, which kinda surprises me haha.
Anyway, I got off the light rail at Cottle to go to Alex D's house. I was an hour and a half late (it was 19h00 when I got there). However, Alex, Andrew, and Robert were playing Blaz Blue on Andrew's PS3 when I got there -_- How lame. I was thinking I came too late, but nothing was happening. Just watched them play for an hour. Funny stuff XP Andrew pretty much owns at that game.
They finally started sparring around 20h00. Alex was intense as always XD ... I miss watching him fight haha. Apparently, he's been teaching himself new things. He's got his TKD training, but he's taught himself stuff from muay thai and such. Poor Andrew injured his thumb XP Neither Andrew nor Robert could take Alex on haha. Ahh, they tried to make me spar XP No. "Next time." I shouldn't have said that 'cause that means the next time I wanna watch them fight, I have to participate XP Though, next time, they might spar with their shinais instead, so who knows?
So we ended up standing and sitting around, talking about Expo, anime, manga, and movies. So I should start reading Naruto and continue FMA and Bleach. We'll see if that works out. We definitely wanna see Iron Man 2. I must watch Up in the Air. A few other movies were mentioned, but I can't recall them.
Anyway, Expo, finally talked to Alex about it. Cosplay will possibly be Code Geass and Samurai Champloo. Dunno if I'm going and cosplaying yet. Alex said the new president of AX hella screwed up. New president basically pissed off Japan. Disrespect on so many levels. Orange Range was supposed to scheduled to play this year (I soooo wanna see them), but the dude fucked up and they're not coming ): Johnny Yong Bosch isn't hosting AX Idol anymore. Basically, all the regulars don't wanna show. And prices have been jacked up 'cause the president wants to turn AX into a business solely for profit. Blah.
I'm not happy with any of that ):
Maggie, I may end up going to Anaheim with you and your friends if the timing works out. So remember to lemme know!
Anyway, yeah, that was that. Andrew gave me and my bike a ride home XP Got in trouble with Mother for coming home way too late (23h00).
And yeah, that means I missed out on Queer Prom tonight, which apparently I could have gone to if I hadn't decided to head home/to Alex's house -shrug- But I'm glad I didn't go to the dance. I prefer chillin' with the fellas. Besides, how often do I get to see Alex kick ass? haha... Man, I love watching people fight, especially when they know what they're doing XP
Ahh, I always leave out awesome details and stuff in my entries XP Can't include them all, sadly. Oh well, you got enough :P And my memory is just bleh. And so is my head. So I should go sleep now.
Next entry, I'm gonna talk about resolutions and something else that I now just forgot DX Baad.
Anyway, yeah, fun day. Good memories :)
Yesterday, I went to AAS to turn in an essay and to fight sleepiness. Took the light rail to back to Oakridge to hang out with Autumn and Ariane for a while. Went back to campus around 2 for French class.
Really, yesterday sucked. Crappy day with a few highlights. Woke up later than I was supposed to, got yelled at for it, ended up being hella exhausted all day, actually fell asleep in both classes (first time I've really fallen asleep in a college class). Other stuffs happened, but eh, whatever.
But I got to chill with Autumn and Ariane :) Catch up, do and talk about silly things, go to the Dollar Tree store. I showed Ariane part of the routine I learned from hip hop class. She's proud of me ^_^ Yay! haha... I can do the Reject better than her :O !! No wayy.
Ah, I miss hanging out with them. I say this every time I see people from high school. I really miss you guys.
Anyway, not much else happened yesterday that's memorable. I was gonna crash at Shiva's for a lil bit before going home because I was tired and my head hurt. But I decided against it. Not sure if that was smart on my part because I fell asleep on the light rail XP Oh well.
Today was a better day. Today was full of awesome.
No Stephanie H on the light rail this morning though ): So I went to campus. As I was walking to my usual spot at the bench near the Event Center, I saw Brian walk past with his naginata. So I called him on the cell, caught up to him, spoke with him for a while, and then parted ways.
Shiva got out of her class early so she could go study for a midterm. I followed her to DMH. We just sat in the hallway outside her classroom for two and a half hours. I did my crossword. She studied. I read a part of Breathless. She tortured me. She wouldn't focus D: 'cause I'm so amazing and distracting. She just couldn't take her eyes off of me :P
When Shiva went to class at noon, I went to go sit at a table in front of Clark Hall as usual. Did some reading. One of my classmates came up to me to ask about the midterm for our class at 13h30 (I kinda forgot about the midterm >_>). Tried to help him out as best as I could, which wasn't much.
Ten minutes after he left, another guy came to me and made small talk. He then offered me a copy of Bhagavad Gita As It Is and a DVD, "The Library of Vedic Culture." We had a short conversation about that stuff. I also gave him a $15 donation for the center that he was working for -shrug- I rarely spend money. I don't like to. But I like to give.
After he left, a guy from Spartan Daily interviewed me for the paper. Talked about income taxes. "I don't work, and I'm not looking forward to doing taxes in the future." I didn't really contribute much of an opinion. I really don't care XP At least not yet.
Shiva called around 13h00. Talked for a bit about her midterm and stuff XP Eight-minute conversation. I don't remember the last time I talked to anyone on the phone for more than maybe four minutes, except for customer service.
I took my midterm. Finished in half an hour. Really simple midterm. Five MC, twenty or so fill-in-the-blank. Though, I'm sure I missed at least five of them. I got confused, and my headache did not make it any easier. But eh, whatever. I think I'll get an A. Thinking positive. Really though, Linguistics is an easy and simple class, so I should be ok.
Got out at 14h00. Chilled at Shiva's, while she finished packing for SoCal. Walked her to the Santa Clara light rail stop. Hugged. She got on the light rail. It didn't leave immediately. Enough time to decide that I would accompany her to the airport :P (Craig M happened to be on the light rail haha).
Light rail, bus to airport. She checked in. We walked outside for a lil bit. She learned that I am not human because I don't know how to press flowers :P After, we walked back so she could wait in line to go through security and whatnot. In line, I noticed a lot of the older people staring at me and at my hat (Fierce-Nice Hat) O_O I kept wishing people would stop looking at me >_< Anyway, when we were close to the front of the line, I decided I should leave :P Hugs and good wishes. Then I was out.
Bus back to light rail. Light rail back to campus. Got my bike, went to the Engineering Building to chill with Brian for a bit, watched a part of the third episode of Katanagatari. I left early. Called Harrison to leave. While waiting for him, I ran into Phil C, the guy from Shiva's party. We talked for a bit about photography and bikes :P Then Harrison joined us and didn't make sense haha.
Light rail with Harrison was interesting. His side of the conversation included quite a bit of detail about things >_> Haha "player-explorer." How many girls he's done stuff with, I do not know, but it seems like a lot, which kinda surprises me haha.
Anyway, I got off the light rail at Cottle to go to Alex D's house. I was an hour and a half late (it was 19h00 when I got there). However, Alex, Andrew, and Robert were playing Blaz Blue on Andrew's PS3 when I got there -_- How lame. I was thinking I came too late, but nothing was happening. Just watched them play for an hour. Funny stuff XP Andrew pretty much owns at that game.
They finally started sparring around 20h00. Alex was intense as always XD ... I miss watching him fight haha. Apparently, he's been teaching himself new things. He's got his TKD training, but he's taught himself stuff from muay thai and such. Poor Andrew injured his thumb XP Neither Andrew nor Robert could take Alex on haha. Ahh, they tried to make me spar XP No. "Next time." I shouldn't have said that 'cause that means the next time I wanna watch them fight, I have to participate XP Though, next time, they might spar with their shinais instead, so who knows?
So we ended up standing and sitting around, talking about Expo, anime, manga, and movies. So I should start reading Naruto and continue FMA and Bleach. We'll see if that works out. We definitely wanna see Iron Man 2. I must watch Up in the Air. A few other movies were mentioned, but I can't recall them.
Anyway, Expo, finally talked to Alex about it. Cosplay will possibly be Code Geass and Samurai Champloo. Dunno if I'm going and cosplaying yet. Alex said the new president of AX hella screwed up. New president basically pissed off Japan. Disrespect on so many levels. Orange Range was supposed to scheduled to play this year (I soooo wanna see them), but the dude fucked up and they're not coming ): Johnny Yong Bosch isn't hosting AX Idol anymore. Basically, all the regulars don't wanna show. And prices have been jacked up 'cause the president wants to turn AX into a business solely for profit. Blah.
I'm not happy with any of that ):
Maggie, I may end up going to Anaheim with you and your friends if the timing works out. So remember to lemme know!
Anyway, yeah, that was that. Andrew gave me and my bike a ride home XP Got in trouble with Mother for coming home way too late (23h00).
And yeah, that means I missed out on Queer Prom tonight, which apparently I could have gone to if I hadn't decided to head home/to Alex's house -shrug- But I'm glad I didn't go to the dance. I prefer chillin' with the fellas. Besides, how often do I get to see Alex kick ass? haha... Man, I love watching people fight, especially when they know what they're doing XP
Ahh, I always leave out awesome details and stuff in my entries XP Can't include them all, sadly. Oh well, you got enough :P And my memory is just bleh. And so is my head. So I should go sleep now.
Next entry, I'm gonna talk about resolutions and something else that I now just forgot DX Baad.
Anyway, yeah, fun day. Good memories :)
Sunday, March 21, 2010
I'd like to believe that I deserve to be in love...
but I don't. Just saying.
CAUTION: Really long and lame entry!!
So I was talking to someone about love and relationships, not that I ever have anything important to contribute XP But it got me thinking about my expectations(?). A perfect progress(?) haha. I dunno, something. Includes: Hand-holding, kisses, hugs, cuddling, time/space, communication, trust, sex.
I can be a romantic, you know. I know I might seem aloof, cold, or awkward sometimes. But I can be really affectionate (apparently). Of course, I'm only basing this off of one short experience, my self-perception, and my preferences(?) :P
I shall be using "she" and "her" to refer to the hypothetical significant other just to make it simple and realistic :P
Holding Hands
I've only ever held hands with someone once. Well, I mean, I've held hands with many people for some reason or other. But affectionately (with obvious reciprocation), just once. That was a good day/night. I felt loved. Our fingers were intertwined, and we were walking side by side, pointing out the things we saw, ignoring the strangers' stares. What I would give to have that moment again. Not that particular moment with that particular person, but just that moment with that feeling (indescribable).
Ahh, I really miss that feeling. Had it once, been wanting it ever since haha. Yeaah, I've held hands with friends. But they're friends. Not the same feeling. No intertwining fingers. The spaces between my fingers remain empty. I'll leave the intertwining fingers for someone special :P I think that was what confirmed my feelings (and Rose's as well). Or affirmed. If she hadn't taken my hand, I probably wouldn't have asked her that night.
I think that's how it's gonna go. I don't think I'd ever be the first to take someone's hand in mine. I would wait for it, just to be safe :P Always playing it safe now.
Kisses
So far, I've only received a kiss on the cheek (no, not from those dudes -_-). I remember Rose kissed me on the cheek that one day at ST. I still remember the feeling. We were hugging goodbye. Then she kissed my cheek, smiled, and ran away. I stood there, dumbstruck and then giddy. Did she really just kiss my cheek? Or am I daydreaming again? That kiss on the cheek gave me hope. Hope that someone could actually fall in love with me. Again, I miss that feeling, no matter how evanescent it was.
Hm, I've kissed Andrew on the cheek on a dare haha (only kiss on the cheek I've ever given). I still remember that. Elora -_- I can't believe she made me do that XP SO awkward.
My first kiss on the lips has yet to come. But I'm patiently waiting ^_^ Cliche, but I want it to be perfect. I have a thing for firsts, you know. I suppose this is what stops me from pursuing anyone. I don't want to screw anything up, especially a first. My perfectionist side showing through. It's gotta be with the right person at the right moment. First kiss = the start of a strong, long-lasting relationship. Not something to do on a whim or a dare -_- Not the start of a bad relationship. But that's not something anyone can control. Unless there's brainwashing involved >_>
Hugs
Haha yes, I really would hug. I'm not that afraid. Really, I'm in much need of hugs. But I don't like to accept the ones offered. I'm just weird like that. No, well, yeah. I've got a certain mindset in regard to hugs, which I've already kinda mentioned before.
Hugging friends, I don't really hug. Just wrap my arms around, give a light squeeze, and release as soon as possible. I think I'm reserving real hugs for someone I have feelings for haha. Real hugs, as I defined them back in December, are just too personal for me. Too close.
Honestly, I'm afraid that if I hug someone for real, if I don't check myself, I won't wanna let go. Or I won't let go. I'd hug her till I was all hugged out haha. My true hugs would be strong, long, and full of warmth :P I'd like to believe so anyway haha.
I will give a real hug. Eventually. Hopefully. I mean, I suppose I gave Rose real hugs back then because I was into her. She probably was the first friend I had ever really hugged. And possibly, that whole drama stuff put me off of hugs almost for good haha (Of course, I'm being reconditioned now).
When I give a real real hug, you'll know/find out haha. You won't expect it. Don't expect it. It will be real then.
Cuddling
I miss this too haha. Such a comfortable feeling it provided. Could be accompanied by hand-holding and blankets. Ahh... Sharing and absorbing warmth. On par with hugs. With closeness and comfort. Again, would not wanna let go haha.
To have someone to lean on or to have someone to lean on me... It's nice. Or it would be.
I remember Rose used to pull my arm around her at first. I got used to it and started putting my arm around her myself :P Having someone in my arms felt wonderful. I wasn't alone. I wasn't empty. No empty space. All I think about now is the empty space around me.
Time/Space
How much time should a couple spend together? All the time? No. That's too much. But then again, how much is too much? How often is too often? I mean, I already feel like I always follow the same friends too much, too often. I feel like a tag-along and an inconvenience sometimes, even when they say I'm not. But I just like being around the same people. Feels safe.
If I were to get into a relationship, I wonder how bad I would get. I don't know if I would be clingy. And I don't want to be with someone who's too clingy either. Space is good sometimes. Just don't know. I feel like she would get sick of me D: I hope I wouldn't get tired of her either. I don't think I would. I'm easily entertained. So if she keeps me entertained, I'm good XP We could chill all day every day.
Then there's the other side of the coin, where I wouldn't be able to always be there when she needs or wants me. I have obstacles, mainly family/Mother. If I couldn't make it to her, I'd feel inadequate and unworthy haha XP I'd feel terrible.
But if conditions were ideal, time and space would bend for us to make things work out well. Really, I just wanna always be there when I'm needed or wanted. I wanna be that amazing haha.
Communication
You already know that I'm not that open about my life. Only parts of it. But not the parts that really matter to me or preoccupy my mind. Errr you get some of it but not all of it.
I imagine that whomever I'm in a relationship with would know a lot about me. Like just about everything. Every experience, every feeling I've ever had, every doubt I ever harbored, just everything. Eventually, of course. Through meaningful, honest, and comfortable conversations. No lies, not even by omission.
I'm not sure if I ever had this with Rose. Maybe a little. Or a lot for a sophomore in high school. I suppose that's why I don't tell people things anymore. Letting you in close means I risk pain and vulnerability. Even with friends.
I've noticed that all the people I had a genuine interest in were talkative :P They always had something to say. All I had to do was listen. It worked for me haha. In a relationship with me, I suppose she would have to expect a lot of silence from me >_> Or if she's just totally amazing, she'd help me learn to speak more, to fill in the conversations with words that make me feel heard and understood.
"More than Words" (a subcategory of Communication)
"I love you." I never said that to Rose, and that was our demise, I guess -shrug- I've said it once to my friends, but we weren't even in the same room and I had my back to them, leaving. I think it was at the same party during which I was dared to kiss Andrew on the cheek :P And saying it to family is irrelevant, but I don't say it to them either. Not anymore.
Why I don't say ILY to anyone, it's hard to explain. I do love my friends and family. It's just weird to say that to them. Saying it to someone I care about, much more difficult and awkward, I guess.
Why I didn't say it to Rose: I wasn't sure how I really felt yet. I was into her. I fell for her. I thought if we could make it a few more weeks where we stood, the words would be worth it then. But she wanted me to say it. Too soon. I wasn't ready. Too fast.
I didn't want to say it when she wanted me to say it. Felt like if I did, I was only doing it to please her, not because I wanted to. It's gotta be my decision, my words, my feelings. Don't push your expectations on me. I'll push back. I'll resist. You gotta let me do my thing at my pace. You can nudge and encourage, but that's it. Don't tell me what to do, unless I ask you to. And yeah, I have my expectations (who doesn't?), but I won't push them onto anyone. Who am I to push someone to do something they really don't want to do or something that they're not sure of?
Besides, "I love you" is thrown around so often. You can never be sure if it's for real. You don't know if it's meant for friendship or for amour. I want my words to be real when I say them (they usually are). In my opinion, their scarcity makes them real and true. That's just how I am. I want my words to be understood and believed every time I say them. Words are important.
Trust
Kinda ties in with communication.
A difficult find. In many ways. I wanna trust someone, but that's like taking a leap of faith. Plus, I'm not sure I trust myself enough to let others trust me as well. I mean, you can trust me when I say I would never cheat. I'd be honest about my feelings (or the lack of) for a person when I'm sure of them. I'm actually quite honest when it comes to other people. I just don't say much about me personally. But yeah, if I'm sure I like you, I'll let you know one way or another. If I don't like you, again I will let you know straight up.
Anyway, a relationship needs trust. Trust that you won't lie, you won't cheat, you won't leave. Trust that you'll be honest, you'll sincerely care, you'll stay through all the ups and downs. Trust that though you'll hurt each other, you're gonna try to make it work. Trust that you won't break each other's heart, you'll know when to give up and let go.
Sex
I have nooo experience whatsoever with this. But I hear it's a part of a healthy relationship. Asexuals would disagree, I'm sure. Though, I haven't met many, so -shrug-
I'm not sure what I could say about sex. It's not something I'm particularly looking for. I mean, if it comes with the package, then ok haha. But that's something I can wait on. No rush delivery needed XP Whatever happens happens.
I really don't have any expectations for this part of a relationship. Alone time is alone time. Not sure what I would expect. But communication is key. She would have to let me know when she's ready, if we're going too fast or too slow. Honestly, I have no preference for when. I'd wait till she made the first move.
Yeah, I know, I'm usually not the one to make the first move in anything. It's really because I don't wanna risk anything XP Risk of mixed signals, you know. Misinterpretation of signals. I don't wanna embarrass myself too much haha. I wanna know the feelings will be returned. And I like to take things a lil slow. Supposedly too slow? I dunno. More like too hesitant haha.
I know I didn't include many aspects of a relationship. I can't think of many XP
I don't know why I decided to make this entry. It's soo not me to talk about my thoughts on this subject. But I suppose I'm trying to open up? Or just putting off three hours of homework XP
But yeah, now you see how lonely a person I am :P haha but of course, you always knew that. Writing this entry makes me feel kinda desperate though >_>
Listening to all these love songs ain't helpin' me either >_< "Until the End of Time" by Justin Timberlake on repeat right now. Makes me wish I wasn't alone. Makes me feel lonelier.
I wish finding a good, strong love was easier, simpler, and faster. More obvious. Love should be accommodating haha. Nah, I don't really believe that. Should not be like "easy come, easy go." But the waiting and the wondering hurt sometimes.
Ok, I'm done feeling silly now. I can't believe I actually think about this XP Hope you had fun wasting time reading this.
CAUTION: Really long and lame entry!!
So I was talking to someone about love and relationships, not that I ever have anything important to contribute XP But it got me thinking about my expectations(?). A perfect progress(?) haha. I dunno, something. Includes: Hand-holding, kisses, hugs, cuddling, time/space, communication, trust, sex.
I can be a romantic, you know. I know I might seem aloof, cold, or awkward sometimes. But I can be really affectionate (apparently). Of course, I'm only basing this off of one short experience, my self-perception, and my preferences(?) :P
I shall be using "she" and "her" to refer to the hypothetical significant other just to make it simple and realistic :P
Holding Hands
I've only ever held hands with someone once. Well, I mean, I've held hands with many people for some reason or other. But affectionately (with obvious reciprocation), just once. That was a good day/night. I felt loved. Our fingers were intertwined, and we were walking side by side, pointing out the things we saw, ignoring the strangers' stares. What I would give to have that moment again. Not that particular moment with that particular person, but just that moment with that feeling (indescribable).
Ahh, I really miss that feeling. Had it once, been wanting it ever since haha. Yeaah, I've held hands with friends. But they're friends. Not the same feeling. No intertwining fingers. The spaces between my fingers remain empty. I'll leave the intertwining fingers for someone special :P I think that was what confirmed my feelings (and Rose's as well). Or affirmed. If she hadn't taken my hand, I probably wouldn't have asked her that night.
I think that's how it's gonna go. I don't think I'd ever be the first to take someone's hand in mine. I would wait for it, just to be safe :P Always playing it safe now.
Kisses
So far, I've only received a kiss on the cheek (no, not from those dudes -_-). I remember Rose kissed me on the cheek that one day at ST. I still remember the feeling. We were hugging goodbye. Then she kissed my cheek, smiled, and ran away. I stood there, dumbstruck and then giddy. Did she really just kiss my cheek? Or am I daydreaming again? That kiss on the cheek gave me hope. Hope that someone could actually fall in love with me. Again, I miss that feeling, no matter how evanescent it was.
Hm, I've kissed Andrew on the cheek on a dare haha (only kiss on the cheek I've ever given). I still remember that. Elora -_- I can't believe she made me do that XP SO awkward.
My first kiss on the lips has yet to come. But I'm patiently waiting ^_^ Cliche, but I want it to be perfect. I have a thing for firsts, you know. I suppose this is what stops me from pursuing anyone. I don't want to screw anything up, especially a first. My perfectionist side showing through. It's gotta be with the right person at the right moment. First kiss = the start of a strong, long-lasting relationship. Not something to do on a whim or a dare -_- Not the start of a bad relationship. But that's not something anyone can control. Unless there's brainwashing involved >_>
Hugs
Haha yes, I really would hug. I'm not that afraid. Really, I'm in much need of hugs. But I don't like to accept the ones offered. I'm just weird like that. No, well, yeah. I've got a certain mindset in regard to hugs, which I've already kinda mentioned before.
Hugging friends, I don't really hug. Just wrap my arms around, give a light squeeze, and release as soon as possible. I think I'm reserving real hugs for someone I have feelings for haha. Real hugs, as I defined them back in December, are just too personal for me. Too close.
Honestly, I'm afraid that if I hug someone for real, if I don't check myself, I won't wanna let go. Or I won't let go. I'd hug her till I was all hugged out haha. My true hugs would be strong, long, and full of warmth :P I'd like to believe so anyway haha.
I will give a real hug. Eventually. Hopefully. I mean, I suppose I gave Rose real hugs back then because I was into her. She probably was the first friend I had ever really hugged. And possibly, that whole drama stuff put me off of hugs almost for good haha (Of course, I'm being reconditioned now).
When I give a real real hug, you'll know/find out haha. You won't expect it. Don't expect it. It will be real then.
Cuddling
I miss this too haha. Such a comfortable feeling it provided. Could be accompanied by hand-holding and blankets. Ahh... Sharing and absorbing warmth. On par with hugs. With closeness and comfort. Again, would not wanna let go haha.
To have someone to lean on or to have someone to lean on me... It's nice. Or it would be.
I remember Rose used to pull my arm around her at first. I got used to it and started putting my arm around her myself :P Having someone in my arms felt wonderful. I wasn't alone. I wasn't empty. No empty space. All I think about now is the empty space around me.
Time/Space
How much time should a couple spend together? All the time? No. That's too much. But then again, how much is too much? How often is too often? I mean, I already feel like I always follow the same friends too much, too often. I feel like a tag-along and an inconvenience sometimes, even when they say I'm not. But I just like being around the same people. Feels safe.
If I were to get into a relationship, I wonder how bad I would get. I don't know if I would be clingy. And I don't want to be with someone who's too clingy either. Space is good sometimes. Just don't know. I feel like she would get sick of me D: I hope I wouldn't get tired of her either. I don't think I would. I'm easily entertained. So if she keeps me entertained, I'm good XP We could chill all day every day.
Then there's the other side of the coin, where I wouldn't be able to always be there when she needs or wants me. I have obstacles, mainly family/Mother. If I couldn't make it to her, I'd feel inadequate and unworthy haha XP I'd feel terrible.
But if conditions were ideal, time and space would bend for us to make things work out well. Really, I just wanna always be there when I'm needed or wanted. I wanna be that amazing haha.
Communication
You already know that I'm not that open about my life. Only parts of it. But not the parts that really matter to me or preoccupy my mind. Errr you get some of it but not all of it.
I imagine that whomever I'm in a relationship with would know a lot about me. Like just about everything. Every experience, every feeling I've ever had, every doubt I ever harbored, just everything. Eventually, of course. Through meaningful, honest, and comfortable conversations. No lies, not even by omission.
I'm not sure if I ever had this with Rose. Maybe a little. Or a lot for a sophomore in high school. I suppose that's why I don't tell people things anymore. Letting you in close means I risk pain and vulnerability. Even with friends.
I've noticed that all the people I had a genuine interest in were talkative :P They always had something to say. All I had to do was listen. It worked for me haha. In a relationship with me, I suppose she would have to expect a lot of silence from me >_> Or if she's just totally amazing, she'd help me learn to speak more, to fill in the conversations with words that make me feel heard and understood.
"More than Words" (a subcategory of Communication)
"I love you." I never said that to Rose, and that was our demise, I guess -shrug- I've said it once to my friends, but we weren't even in the same room and I had my back to them, leaving. I think it was at the same party during which I was dared to kiss Andrew on the cheek :P And saying it to family is irrelevant, but I don't say it to them either. Not anymore.
Why I don't say ILY to anyone, it's hard to explain. I do love my friends and family. It's just weird to say that to them. Saying it to someone I care about, much more difficult and awkward, I guess.
Why I didn't say it to Rose: I wasn't sure how I really felt yet. I was into her. I fell for her. I thought if we could make it a few more weeks where we stood, the words would be worth it then. But she wanted me to say it. Too soon. I wasn't ready. Too fast.
I didn't want to say it when she wanted me to say it. Felt like if I did, I was only doing it to please her, not because I wanted to. It's gotta be my decision, my words, my feelings. Don't push your expectations on me. I'll push back. I'll resist. You gotta let me do my thing at my pace. You can nudge and encourage, but that's it. Don't tell me what to do, unless I ask you to. And yeah, I have my expectations (who doesn't?), but I won't push them onto anyone. Who am I to push someone to do something they really don't want to do or something that they're not sure of?
Besides, "I love you" is thrown around so often. You can never be sure if it's for real. You don't know if it's meant for friendship or for amour. I want my words to be real when I say them (they usually are). In my opinion, their scarcity makes them real and true. That's just how I am. I want my words to be understood and believed every time I say them. Words are important.
Trust
Kinda ties in with communication.
A difficult find. In many ways. I wanna trust someone, but that's like taking a leap of faith. Plus, I'm not sure I trust myself enough to let others trust me as well. I mean, you can trust me when I say I would never cheat. I'd be honest about my feelings (or the lack of) for a person when I'm sure of them. I'm actually quite honest when it comes to other people. I just don't say much about me personally. But yeah, if I'm sure I like you, I'll let you know one way or another. If I don't like you, again I will let you know straight up.
Anyway, a relationship needs trust. Trust that you won't lie, you won't cheat, you won't leave. Trust that you'll be honest, you'll sincerely care, you'll stay through all the ups and downs. Trust that though you'll hurt each other, you're gonna try to make it work. Trust that you won't break each other's heart, you'll know when to give up and let go.
Sex
I have nooo experience whatsoever with this. But I hear it's a part of a healthy relationship. Asexuals would disagree, I'm sure. Though, I haven't met many, so -shrug-
I'm not sure what I could say about sex. It's not something I'm particularly looking for. I mean, if it comes with the package, then ok haha. But that's something I can wait on. No rush delivery needed XP Whatever happens happens.
I really don't have any expectations for this part of a relationship. Alone time is alone time. Not sure what I would expect. But communication is key. She would have to let me know when she's ready, if we're going too fast or too slow. Honestly, I have no preference for when. I'd wait till she made the first move.
Yeah, I know, I'm usually not the one to make the first move in anything. It's really because I don't wanna risk anything XP Risk of mixed signals, you know. Misinterpretation of signals. I don't wanna embarrass myself too much haha. I wanna know the feelings will be returned. And I like to take things a lil slow. Supposedly too slow? I dunno. More like too hesitant haha.
I know I didn't include many aspects of a relationship. I can't think of many XP
I don't know why I decided to make this entry. It's soo not me to talk about my thoughts on this subject. But I suppose I'm trying to open up? Or just putting off three hours of homework XP
But yeah, now you see how lonely a person I am :P haha but of course, you always knew that. Writing this entry makes me feel kinda desperate though >_>
Listening to all these love songs ain't helpin' me either >_< "Until the End of Time" by Justin Timberlake on repeat right now. Makes me wish I wasn't alone. Makes me feel lonelier.
I wish finding a good, strong love was easier, simpler, and faster. More obvious. Love should be accommodating haha. Nah, I don't really believe that. Should not be like "easy come, easy go." But the waiting and the wondering hurt sometimes.
Ok, I'm done feeling silly now. I can't believe I actually think about this XP Hope you had fun wasting time reading this.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Kids can be pretty amazing sometimes...
This past week has been all right. Fun times. Not so fun times. It's all balanced out.
Yesterday was Brian's birthday. He rejected my birthday hug D: But eh, we have pictures. Though, I suppose I look like I was trying to rape him >_>
I'm not really doing much during my weeks, but I also feel like so much happens O_o I just can't remember everything. And there are things I wish people would forget -_- Like how ticklish I get when it's too hot out. Heat. Ugh. Tickling, not fair, it was two against one. Brian and Shiva, you're horrible people DX
Haha I nearly knocked Brian's laptop to the ground XP Too much tickling.
Anyway, seriously, it's been sooo hot D: I can't stand it. Too much body heat buildup T-T
Hmm, some interesting news articles and other stuff:
Amazing kids
What's with the TV channel glitches?
Big screens are awesome
Cats can learn dog tricks too :P
Harrison just showed me this. It's pretty awesome too.
Mm, so today, I remembered Earl. I was talking to Stephanie H on the light rail about nursing homes and hospitals, and somehow Earl came up. Mm. Anyway, when I was home, Mother started talking about Milton (I think he's about 90 now), who used to drive Brother and me to school.
Mother and I were remembering deaths. She seems to find out about people's deaths soon enough to make it to their funerals:
Earl: We found out within a week of his death and paid our respects to him just before his funeral. First and last time I had ever seen a corpse. I still remember. I cried so hard. I couldn't stop crying for a long time. That was one of the hardest days of my life. Every time I think about it, I always wish life had happened differently. I wish I could have talked to him one more time before he died. All I can do is wish for things that cannot happen.
Mary (Milton's daughter): Mother found out a few days before her funeral and attended it. I didn't go because Mother didn't want me to go to a funeral (this was before Earl's death, I think) and I hadn't really been close to Mary either.
Lam: He was the guy we always called to come clean our carpets XP We had used his services for at least fifteen years, I think. He had died about a month after the last time we saw him. Mother heard about his death about two or three days after it happened. She attended his funeral.
Hoang: When Mother visited Viet Nam in 2006, one of her neighbors/cousins came over to her family's house to talk to her because it had been thirteen years since Mother was last there. They talked all night. Hoang went home to sleep. The next morning, news came that he had died in his sleep. Again, Mother attended the funeral.
You know, I think I listed them in reverse chronological order :P Oh well.
I don't know why I'm updating about this, especially since they were all quite old and mostly Mother's peers. It's just remembering Earl. His death has been the only death to really affect me, even if I hadn't seen or spoken to him for six years. All the other deaths belonged to people who were practically strangers to me.
I really, really wish I could hug Earl right now. Ahaha, now I'm crying. I need to stop.
Anyway, lots of homework to catch up on this weekend. Yeaah. Fun. Will try to get most of it done tomorrow. At least all the reading stuff. Yeah, I don't think I'll be able to make it to either of the birthday celebrations this weekend :/ I want to go to one, but I'd feel bad for going to one and not the other >_< Ahhh. And they're both so far away. Neither of them are in SJ. Phooie! XP
And today, I realized I talk about the strangest things with people, especially Harrison. I mean, I thought my conversations with Brian and Shiva were weird enough. But Harrison and I just take that shit to another level O_O Who woulda thunk... that that was possible? That I'd be comfortable talking about some things with a guy that I see once a week for about an hour. Haha and I haven't rejected his hugs XP Strange/funny how I treat each of my friends differently. And like I've mentioned before, there really seems to be an inverse relationship between the frequency of hugs and the frequency of chill times :P (I don't know the right term to use haha).
Yeah, ok. Done with being repetitive for tonight.
Yesterday was Brian's birthday. He rejected my birthday hug D: But eh, we have pictures. Though, I suppose I look like I was trying to rape him >_>
I'm not really doing much during my weeks, but I also feel like so much happens O_o I just can't remember everything. And there are things I wish people would forget -_- Like how ticklish I get when it's too hot out. Heat. Ugh. Tickling, not fair, it was two against one. Brian and Shiva, you're horrible people DX
Haha I nearly knocked Brian's laptop to the ground XP Too much tickling.
Anyway, seriously, it's been sooo hot D: I can't stand it. Too much body heat buildup T-T
Hmm, some interesting news articles and other stuff:
Amazing kids
What's with the TV channel glitches?
Big screens are awesome
Cats can learn dog tricks too :P
Harrison just showed me this. It's pretty awesome too.
Mm, so today, I remembered Earl. I was talking to Stephanie H on the light rail about nursing homes and hospitals, and somehow Earl came up. Mm. Anyway, when I was home, Mother started talking about Milton (I think he's about 90 now), who used to drive Brother and me to school.
Mother and I were remembering deaths. She seems to find out about people's deaths soon enough to make it to their funerals:
Earl: We found out within a week of his death and paid our respects to him just before his funeral. First and last time I had ever seen a corpse. I still remember. I cried so hard. I couldn't stop crying for a long time. That was one of the hardest days of my life. Every time I think about it, I always wish life had happened differently. I wish I could have talked to him one more time before he died. All I can do is wish for things that cannot happen.
Mary (Milton's daughter): Mother found out a few days before her funeral and attended it. I didn't go because Mother didn't want me to go to a funeral (this was before Earl's death, I think) and I hadn't really been close to Mary either.
Lam: He was the guy we always called to come clean our carpets XP We had used his services for at least fifteen years, I think. He had died about a month after the last time we saw him. Mother heard about his death about two or three days after it happened. She attended his funeral.
Hoang: When Mother visited Viet Nam in 2006, one of her neighbors/cousins came over to her family's house to talk to her because it had been thirteen years since Mother was last there. They talked all night. Hoang went home to sleep. The next morning, news came that he had died in his sleep. Again, Mother attended the funeral.
You know, I think I listed them in reverse chronological order :P Oh well.
I don't know why I'm updating about this, especially since they were all quite old and mostly Mother's peers. It's just remembering Earl. His death has been the only death to really affect me, even if I hadn't seen or spoken to him for six years. All the other deaths belonged to people who were practically strangers to me.
I really, really wish I could hug Earl right now. Ahaha, now I'm crying. I need to stop.
Anyway, lots of homework to catch up on this weekend. Yeaah. Fun. Will try to get most of it done tomorrow. At least all the reading stuff. Yeah, I don't think I'll be able to make it to either of the birthday celebrations this weekend :/ I want to go to one, but I'd feel bad for going to one and not the other >_< Ahhh. And they're both so far away. Neither of them are in SJ. Phooie! XP
And today, I realized I talk about the strangest things with people, especially Harrison. I mean, I thought my conversations with Brian and Shiva were weird enough. But Harrison and I just take that shit to another level O_O Who woulda thunk... that that was possible? That I'd be comfortable talking about some things with a guy that I see once a week for about an hour. Haha and I haven't rejected his hugs XP Strange/funny how I treat each of my friends differently. And like I've mentioned before, there really seems to be an inverse relationship between the frequency of hugs and the frequency of chill times :P (I don't know the right term to use haha).
Yeah, ok. Done with being repetitive for tonight.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Kendo Competition, yay :D
Today, I spent eight hours at a kendo competition that was held at Leigh High School.
Woke up before 6h30 (more like 5h30 because of DST). Showered and ate something. D let me borrow the Avalon. Drove to SJSU to pick up Shiva. Drove to Leigh. Got there before 8h30.
I pretty much sat on the bleachers for the next eight hours. Sore butt -_-
I wish I comprehended more, so I could describe the competition. But -shrug-
Jonathan came around 10h30. Veronica and Jay (those are their names, right? >_> I can only ever remember them as the naginata people) came in the afternoon.
Anyway, at first, I couldn't really keep up with anything XP The strikes were a bit too fast for my eyes haha. Gradually, my eyes adapted and knew what to look for in the matches. Jonathan helped me learn what to look for too: Men (head/helmet), kote (wrist/glove), and do (torso). I only saw two attempts at tsuki (a thrust aimed at the throat). And one accidental "tsuki" :P That one looked painful.
I only saw a shinai drop two or three times. Well, one of those times, it was knocked out the kendoka's grip. One of the other times, another guy swung his shinai, and it flew out of his hands >_>
Hmm, SJSU participated in the 5-member team bracket. Had to borrow participants from other dojos. Boman and Siu. Talented guys. Sadly, SJSU didn't make it past Rancho Cordova :( But I'd say the captains' match was really close XP
Ahaha, the little kids were sooo adorable XD There was one boy, who was like three-foot tall, from the San Jose Kendo Dojo. He fought a teenager who seemed to have a three-foot advantage on him XP It was so funny. But that lil kid ended up carrying two trophies >_>
And I have to say that I find most guys' kiai sound so much better and more pleasing than the girls' kiai. Girls sound like they're dying >_> Felt like I was watching a horror movie. Just screaming. Not battle cries :P No strength in the kiai, just a shriek, a slowly dying shriek.
Anyway, San Jose Dojo went home with the most trophies. Not unexpected. They were the largest group there.
I wish I could remember more, but all the clacking of shinai and all the kiai gave me a headache XP Possibly erased some memory too haha.
After the competition, the five of us (Shiva, Jonathan, Veronica, Jay, and I) went to Hometown Buffet to eat. Shiva paid for me (Oh yes, I suppose I should mention that she also bought me two cookies during the competition :P). Some good stuff. I especially liked the cornbread and the fried shrimp, mmmm...
Drove Shiva back to campus. Got the car back to D.
Now, I'm home.
Overall, today was chill and exciting. I was blown away by talent. And cuteness haha. Seriously though, I wouldn't mind doing this again :)
Oh, and Shiva likes to steal my warmth O___O So scary -___-; Should I feel threatened? I feel threatened. Though, it was nice to release some of that body heat. I retain too much heat -_- But still, that was a lil weird >_>
Woke up before 6h30 (more like 5h30 because of DST). Showered and ate something. D let me borrow the Avalon. Drove to SJSU to pick up Shiva. Drove to Leigh. Got there before 8h30.
I pretty much sat on the bleachers for the next eight hours. Sore butt -_-
I wish I comprehended more, so I could describe the competition. But -shrug-
Jonathan came around 10h30. Veronica and Jay (those are their names, right? >_> I can only ever remember them as the naginata people) came in the afternoon.
Anyway, at first, I couldn't really keep up with anything XP The strikes were a bit too fast for my eyes haha. Gradually, my eyes adapted and knew what to look for in the matches. Jonathan helped me learn what to look for too: Men (head/helmet), kote (wrist/glove), and do (torso). I only saw two attempts at tsuki (a thrust aimed at the throat). And one accidental "tsuki" :P That one looked painful.
I only saw a shinai drop two or three times. Well, one of those times, it was knocked out the kendoka's grip. One of the other times, another guy swung his shinai, and it flew out of his hands >_>
Hmm, SJSU participated in the 5-member team bracket. Had to borrow participants from other dojos. Boman and Siu. Talented guys. Sadly, SJSU didn't make it past Rancho Cordova :( But I'd say the captains' match was really close XP
Ahaha, the little kids were sooo adorable XD There was one boy, who was like three-foot tall, from the San Jose Kendo Dojo. He fought a teenager who seemed to have a three-foot advantage on him XP It was so funny. But that lil kid ended up carrying two trophies >_>
And I have to say that I find most guys' kiai sound so much better and more pleasing than the girls' kiai. Girls sound like they're dying >_> Felt like I was watching a horror movie. Just screaming. Not battle cries :P No strength in the kiai, just a shriek, a slowly dying shriek.
Anyway, San Jose Dojo went home with the most trophies. Not unexpected. They were the largest group there.
I wish I could remember more, but all the clacking of shinai and all the kiai gave me a headache XP Possibly erased some memory too haha.
After the competition, the five of us (Shiva, Jonathan, Veronica, Jay, and I) went to Hometown Buffet to eat. Shiva paid for me (Oh yes, I suppose I should mention that she also bought me two cookies during the competition :P). Some good stuff. I especially liked the cornbread and the fried shrimp, mmmm...
Drove Shiva back to campus. Got the car back to D.
Now, I'm home.
Overall, today was chill and exciting. I was blown away by talent. And cuteness haha. Seriously though, I wouldn't mind doing this again :)
Oh, and Shiva likes to steal my warmth O___O So scary -___-; Should I feel threatened? I feel threatened. Though, it was nice to release some of that body heat. I retain too much heat -_- But still, that was a lil weird >_>
Thursday, March 11, 2010
A Hindu, a Jainist, and a Buddhist...
had a snowball fight today :P They're supposed to be pacifists. Or so people say.
Rahul, Shiva, and I went to the Snow Day thing hosted by SJSU's AS. It was smaller than I thought it would be. Quite a few lil kids as well.
We had some fun tossing chunks of shaved ice (not actually snow, you know) at each other. Though, tossing was technically not allowed. Eh -shrug- Hmm, it was "raining snow," as Shiva put it. Oh, Matt C joined us. Apparently, the snow likes to fall on me a lot -_-
Shiva attacked me with snowballs, trying to kill me -_- The first one was a cheap shot. We weren't even standing on the snow/ice yet. And the snowball went down the back of my shirt >_< Refreshing, yes, because I was feeling hot, but it was also too much of a shock. Later, when we were on the snow, she got some of it in the pocket of my jacket, my mouth, and my eyes/glasses. Dirty snow >_< I almost fell too. It was slippery >_>
When I left for class, I still had snow in my pocket. When I was sitting in class, I emptied my pocket. Must have looked strange.
Didn't really do much else today, except go to Linguistics and Sociology.
Oh, I watched Shiva take a nap O_O or try to. Not really :P While she was resting her eyes, I was listening to music. And I think I fell asleep for two minutes. I need more sleep.
Hm, did some catching up with Mike from Kendo. Had a conversation about knives. I'm using Brother's buck knife, and Jonathan (was that his name? >_>) has a switchblade. Yeah.
Oh, and apparently, I really am supposed to hug Shiva back :O It's a non-optional social convention. Though, I think we forgot to mention "non-optional."
Light rail ride home with Harrison was somewhat quiet. Because he's sick >_> Hm. But the lil conversation was good. Haha yes, I wish I had a girlfriend so I could hug her all I want -grins and nods- haha. It would be nice. I'd give a real hug then, I'm sure. Now, my hugs are just... not as real as I should want them to be. I don't know any other way of putting it. Besides, I've already said something about this before, yeah? Hugs, what I think of hugs. Yeah, if only I could explain better, then you would really understand how I feel about hugs. But for now, all you need to know is that I'm still working on the hugs. At least the hugs for people closest to me. Everybody else apparently can get all the hugs they want from me -shrug- I'm weird like that. There's some logic in there. Or maybe just irrationality...
What else? What else? Oh, yesterday, I realized that Kilani has been sitting on the bench adjacent to me on Tuesday and Thursday mornings for the past few weeks. My peripherals have only been telling me that a blue-haired chick has been sitting next to me. I never looked directly at her to know that it was her XP Until yesterday. Some catching up there.
Today, she was there again, but I didn't say anything 'cause we were both doing our own reading and homework assignments. No need for conversation.
QTIP stuff:
1st Queer Prom. March 25. 8-11pm. In the University Room. If you wanna go, you can go as long as you're 18+ years old. $5 presale. $7 at the door. $5 at the door if you show up in formal attire.
3rd Annual Drag Show. April 29. In Morris Daily Auditorium. Dunno the time or prices yet.
That's all for now. But yeah, if you wanna go to either of those, feel free to join us :D
This weekend, I do not know what I will be doing. Other than homework. Tomorrow is a free day. I might go to the library to pick up a book that I requested. It's finally arrived! Breathless, Dean Koontz's latest novel. Which other author's work would it be, hm? Anyway, my weekend is quite free. No plans, I don't think. Sunday is the start of Daylight Savings Time and also Pi Day :D Yay, more sunlight, later dusk.
I feel like there's something else going on this weekend that I should remember, that I might want to attend. Hmm.
Oh, and it seems that I've been hanging out with a crazy person for the past few months. I did not know this. It was brought to my attention last night. By the crazy person herself. Yeah, hm, sounds dangerous, no?
Anyway, it's 11. Should I go to bed? Much homework and writing to catch up on.
Ooh, almost half the semester is gone. Semester is going by sooo faaast D: Part of me is glad that breaks are just that much closer. However, that means three months of not seeing some college friends. But high school friends, maybe, yes?
Mm, I've been thinking a lot. Not news. Just saying. The things I've been thinking about are bothering the hell out of me. Same things, I suppose. I'm just being obsessive as usual. I still wish I would stop haha. Someone, please make me stop XP Endless supply of hugs for you if you can make me stop obsessing (at least negatively obsessing) haha.
Blah. I should go to bed.
Rahul, Shiva, and I went to the Snow Day thing hosted by SJSU's AS. It was smaller than I thought it would be. Quite a few lil kids as well.
We had some fun tossing chunks of shaved ice (not actually snow, you know) at each other. Though, tossing was technically not allowed. Eh -shrug- Hmm, it was "raining snow," as Shiva put it. Oh, Matt C joined us. Apparently, the snow likes to fall on me a lot -_-
Shiva attacked me with snowballs, trying to kill me -_- The first one was a cheap shot. We weren't even standing on the snow/ice yet. And the snowball went down the back of my shirt >_< Refreshing, yes, because I was feeling hot, but it was also too much of a shock. Later, when we were on the snow, she got some of it in the pocket of my jacket, my mouth, and my eyes/glasses. Dirty snow >_< I almost fell too. It was slippery >_>
When I left for class, I still had snow in my pocket. When I was sitting in class, I emptied my pocket. Must have looked strange.
Didn't really do much else today, except go to Linguistics and Sociology.
Oh, I watched Shiva take a nap O_O or try to. Not really :P While she was resting her eyes, I was listening to music. And I think I fell asleep for two minutes. I need more sleep.
Hm, did some catching up with Mike from Kendo. Had a conversation about knives. I'm using Brother's buck knife, and Jonathan (was that his name? >_>) has a switchblade. Yeah.
Oh, and apparently, I really am supposed to hug Shiva back :O It's a non-optional social convention. Though, I think we forgot to mention "non-optional."
Light rail ride home with Harrison was somewhat quiet. Because he's sick >_> Hm. But the lil conversation was good. Haha yes, I wish I had a girlfriend so I could hug her all I want -grins and nods- haha. It would be nice. I'd give a real hug then, I'm sure. Now, my hugs are just... not as real as I should want them to be. I don't know any other way of putting it. Besides, I've already said something about this before, yeah? Hugs, what I think of hugs. Yeah, if only I could explain better, then you would really understand how I feel about hugs. But for now, all you need to know is that I'm still working on the hugs. At least the hugs for people closest to me. Everybody else apparently can get all the hugs they want from me -shrug- I'm weird like that. There's some logic in there. Or maybe just irrationality...
What else? What else? Oh, yesterday, I realized that Kilani has been sitting on the bench adjacent to me on Tuesday and Thursday mornings for the past few weeks. My peripherals have only been telling me that a blue-haired chick has been sitting next to me. I never looked directly at her to know that it was her XP Until yesterday. Some catching up there.
Today, she was there again, but I didn't say anything 'cause we were both doing our own reading and homework assignments. No need for conversation.
QTIP stuff:
1st Queer Prom. March 25. 8-11pm. In the University Room. If you wanna go, you can go as long as you're 18+ years old. $5 presale. $7 at the door. $5 at the door if you show up in formal attire.
3rd Annual Drag Show. April 29. In Morris Daily Auditorium. Dunno the time or prices yet.
That's all for now. But yeah, if you wanna go to either of those, feel free to join us :D
This weekend, I do not know what I will be doing. Other than homework. Tomorrow is a free day. I might go to the library to pick up a book that I requested. It's finally arrived! Breathless, Dean Koontz's latest novel. Which other author's work would it be, hm? Anyway, my weekend is quite free. No plans, I don't think. Sunday is the start of Daylight Savings Time and also Pi Day :D Yay, more sunlight, later dusk.
I feel like there's something else going on this weekend that I should remember, that I might want to attend. Hmm.
Oh, and it seems that I've been hanging out with a crazy person for the past few months. I did not know this. It was brought to my attention last night. By the crazy person herself. Yeah, hm, sounds dangerous, no?
Anyway, it's 11. Should I go to bed? Much homework and writing to catch up on.
Ooh, almost half the semester is gone. Semester is going by sooo faaast D: Part of me is glad that breaks are just that much closer. However, that means three months of not seeing some college friends. But high school friends, maybe, yes?
Mm, I've been thinking a lot. Not news. Just saying. The things I've been thinking about are bothering the hell out of me. Same things, I suppose. I'm just being obsessive as usual. I still wish I would stop haha. Someone, please make me stop XP Endless supply of hugs for you if you can make me stop obsessing (at least negatively obsessing) haha.
Blah. I should go to bed.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Hip Hop midterm tomorrow
For which I do not need to prepare XP
But I went to campus around 15h00 to chill with Shiva 'cause I really needed to get out of the f'n house. And hip hop was an excuse.
Did some online reading for Sociology. Shiva and I talked. She practiced for hip hop. I "helped." I'm sure I spent most of the time laughing at her though :P PB&J sandwiches. Listened to some of my music, trying to avoid sad songs. More dancing. Tiredness, a lot of it on my part. I felt like my head kept rolling to the side. At least I wasn't falling asleep on my bike, hm.
Shiva and I fought for my iPod at one point because I wanted to listen to "Wedding Dress" by TaeYang. Why couldn't I listen to it? T-T It's such a good song. Who cares if it brings back some memories?
Anyway, for hip hop, I've got the choreo in my head. I know how the moves are supposed to look. I just don't stay on beat very well when I'm being watched >_> It's a lil unnerving.
Mm, that was all fun. Oh yeah, Shiva's starting to hug me again >_< I'm being conditioned. Like Pavlov's dog. No, not really. It's not classical conditioning. There's no bell. And there's no reward or joy associated with the hugs XP haha jk jk. But yeah, apparently, I can't leave until I hug her now -_- Why can't I just stand there, receive the hug, and go? It's so simple. Why must I actively return the hug to leave? Mm.
Anyway, light rail. Oh, light rail people. Really? You worry me sometimes.
So I got to the San Antonio just in time for the light rail. I got on. I was gonna sit in the bike area with my bike because no one was there. But this Indian guy grabbed my bike and offered to put it on the rack for me. I said, "No, thank you." But he wouldn't listen. And he couldn't get the bike up because it was heavy and he was kinda short. I told him that he didn't have to put my bike up, that he could just put it back down. But he kept trying. Eventually, I decided to help him put it up.
We got it up. I thanked him. Then he continued to talk to me (I couldn't really understand his accent all that well). About bike riding. Being the nice person that I am, I listened. He used to ride his bike to the light rail last year. Then he lost his bike. But he used to ride his bike everywhere in India (specifically New Delhi) and here. He wants to ride a motorcycle. (At this point, he sits down on the seat next to me and shakes my hand) His name is Carry. He's 32 years old. He's single and lives alone. He's been in America for one and a half years. He has business partners, and their company works for Fortune 500 companies. If I gave him my number, he could hook me up with jobs O_o
He asked if I took the light rail every day. He said he would look forward to seeing me on the light rail every day. We could share lunches >_> He could find a basket for my bike at the flea market for cheap. Mm hmm.
Throughout this whole conversation, all I could do was grin and nod. I went along with the conversation because initially I thought the guy was joking around. Then he asked for my phone number, but I told him I didn't have a cell phone. So he gave me his number >_> Told me to call him when I wanted to talk business. He'll give me a job, and I'll get him a job when I graduate O_o
His stop was at Capitol. Just before he got off the light rail, he offered a parting handshake. Again, being nice, I shook his hand. As we were shaking, his left arm came around me and pulled me in for what I thought was going to be a hug (because I've met strangers who hug on first meetings. Strange but true). Instead, he kissed my cheek @_@ and then he was off. It happened so quick that I didn't even have time to react.
Yeah, eh. That last part reminded me of the DirecTV guy from a few years ago -_- Do you remember who I'm talking about? Well, I felt the same way today as I did that day. Except that today, the feeling came after the re-running of the incident in my head.
Brother really needs to get me that pocketknife or pepper spray soon >_<
But yeah, I raced home from the light rail. Scrubbed my hands and face with soap. Now, I'm good.
I am not good at dealing with people. Strangers. People. You just never know what kinda person you're gonna talk to. They can appear to be so nice at first, and then shit happens. Ugh.
You, you know who you are, my experiences don't even compare to yours, but I know how you feel -_- We're magnets. It's scary. But at least now you have someone to protect you :) That's good. I wish I had someone to protect me -_- hahaha. Aiyah..
Ugh, why am I so timid? So easily manipulated, so easily taken advantage of. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. Ugh.
From now on, gotta keep the damn headphones on. That was the method. Why did I stray from the method?
I feel like I need help now.. Ahhh..
But I went to campus around 15h00 to chill with Shiva 'cause I really needed to get out of the f'n house. And hip hop was an excuse.
Did some online reading for Sociology. Shiva and I talked. She practiced for hip hop. I "helped." I'm sure I spent most of the time laughing at her though :P PB&J sandwiches. Listened to some of my music, trying to avoid sad songs. More dancing. Tiredness, a lot of it on my part. I felt like my head kept rolling to the side. At least I wasn't falling asleep on my bike, hm.
Shiva and I fought for my iPod at one point because I wanted to listen to "Wedding Dress" by TaeYang. Why couldn't I listen to it? T-T It's such a good song. Who cares if it brings back some memories?
Anyway, for hip hop, I've got the choreo in my head. I know how the moves are supposed to look. I just don't stay on beat very well when I'm being watched >_> It's a lil unnerving.
Mm, that was all fun. Oh yeah, Shiva's starting to hug me again >_< I'm being conditioned. Like Pavlov's dog. No, not really. It's not classical conditioning. There's no bell. And there's no reward or joy associated with the hugs XP haha jk jk. But yeah, apparently, I can't leave until I hug her now -_- Why can't I just stand there, receive the hug, and go? It's so simple. Why must I actively return the hug to leave? Mm.
Anyway, light rail. Oh, light rail people. Really? You worry me sometimes.
So I got to the San Antonio just in time for the light rail. I got on. I was gonna sit in the bike area with my bike because no one was there. But this Indian guy grabbed my bike and offered to put it on the rack for me. I said, "No, thank you." But he wouldn't listen. And he couldn't get the bike up because it was heavy and he was kinda short. I told him that he didn't have to put my bike up, that he could just put it back down. But he kept trying. Eventually, I decided to help him put it up.
We got it up. I thanked him. Then he continued to talk to me (I couldn't really understand his accent all that well). About bike riding. Being the nice person that I am, I listened. He used to ride his bike to the light rail last year. Then he lost his bike. But he used to ride his bike everywhere in India (specifically New Delhi) and here. He wants to ride a motorcycle. (At this point, he sits down on the seat next to me and shakes my hand) His name is Carry. He's 32 years old. He's single and lives alone. He's been in America for one and a half years. He has business partners, and their company works for Fortune 500 companies. If I gave him my number, he could hook me up with jobs O_o
He asked if I took the light rail every day. He said he would look forward to seeing me on the light rail every day. We could share lunches >_> He could find a basket for my bike at the flea market for cheap. Mm hmm.
Throughout this whole conversation, all I could do was grin and nod. I went along with the conversation because initially I thought the guy was joking around. Then he asked for my phone number, but I told him I didn't have a cell phone. So he gave me his number >_> Told me to call him when I wanted to talk business. He'll give me a job, and I'll get him a job when I graduate O_o
His stop was at Capitol. Just before he got off the light rail, he offered a parting handshake. Again, being nice, I shook his hand. As we were shaking, his left arm came around me and pulled me in for what I thought was going to be a hug (because I've met strangers who hug on first meetings. Strange but true). Instead, he kissed my cheek @_@ and then he was off. It happened so quick that I didn't even have time to react.
Yeah, eh. That last part reminded me of the DirecTV guy from a few years ago -_- Do you remember who I'm talking about? Well, I felt the same way today as I did that day. Except that today, the feeling came after the re-running of the incident in my head.
Brother really needs to get me that pocketknife or pepper spray soon >_<
But yeah, I raced home from the light rail. Scrubbed my hands and face with soap. Now, I'm good.
I am not good at dealing with people. Strangers. People. You just never know what kinda person you're gonna talk to. They can appear to be so nice at first, and then shit happens. Ugh.
You, you know who you are, my experiences don't even compare to yours, but I know how you feel -_- We're magnets. It's scary. But at least now you have someone to protect you :) That's good. I wish I had someone to protect me -_- hahaha. Aiyah..
Ugh, why am I so timid? So easily manipulated, so easily taken advantage of. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. Ugh.
From now on, gotta keep the damn headphones on. That was the method. Why did I stray from the method?
I feel like I need help now.. Ahhh..
Do you feel lonely now?
I'm leaving. She wraps her arms around me. Did she just fall into my arms? It feels nice. I hug her back. Why isn't she letting me go? I ask. She tilts her head against my neck.
She says, "Because you're warm and I like being in your arms." I blush. "Oh, you're so cute when you're embarrassed." >_<
She's still holding me. I say, "I'm not that warm." I try to move away.
"Yes, you are." She clings onto me.
"No, I'm not. You're lying." I let my embrace weaken. She has to be lying. I let my arms drop to my side, but still she holds me. "Why are you hugging me so much?"
Silent. Still standing. Still won't let me go. She hugs me more tightly.
I ask, "Why are you here?" I try to push her away. Why won't she get away from me?
"Because I'm sad and you're lonely. My sadness will negate your loneliness." That doesn't make any sense.
I don't know what to say. Then... "I'm supposed to be alone."
"No, you're not. You can't be lonely around me. I'm supposed to make you happy. Do you feel lonely now?"
Hmm, I didn't know hugs could last through a whole dream. I wonder who the girl was. At the least, I know we were at her place. And chyeah, even in my dreams, I blush and am complimented for it XP And I feel like there was a part in the dream where she asked me why I was trying to run away from her. I'm not sure.
I'm not sure how I feel about this dream. I don't remember ever having a dream in which the conversation seems logical. Nor having a dream in which there's not much movement.
I had to get up early this morning. I've been getting up early this entire weekend, hm. Showered, ate, and thought.
Thinking about daydreams. I daydream a lot. Much more than I want to. Sometimes, my dreams feel like daydreams, and I get confused, trying figure out which they really are.
And my daydreams make me sad. More so than before I start daydreaming. Why? Because, in the end, I have to remember that life doesn't work out how I want it to. Life isn't idealistic. People are. Or I am. I expect to be happy; I end up being sad. I expect to have fun; I end up not enjoying much. Just many expectations that aren't met. In some way, it's my fault -_- Too many expectations, not enough effort. Blah.
Mm, yeah, anyway, tired. Don't know what to do. Hmm.
She says, "Because you're warm and I like being in your arms." I blush. "Oh, you're so cute when you're embarrassed." >_<
She's still holding me. I say, "I'm not that warm." I try to move away.
"Yes, you are." She clings onto me.
"No, I'm not. You're lying." I let my embrace weaken. She has to be lying. I let my arms drop to my side, but still she holds me. "Why are you hugging me so much?"
Silent. Still standing. Still won't let me go. She hugs me more tightly.
I ask, "Why are you here?" I try to push her away. Why won't she get away from me?
"Because I'm sad and you're lonely. My sadness will negate your loneliness." That doesn't make any sense.
I don't know what to say. Then... "I'm supposed to be alone."
"No, you're not. You can't be lonely around me. I'm supposed to make you happy. Do you feel lonely now?"
Hmm, I didn't know hugs could last through a whole dream. I wonder who the girl was. At the least, I know we were at her place. And chyeah, even in my dreams, I blush and am complimented for it XP And I feel like there was a part in the dream where she asked me why I was trying to run away from her. I'm not sure.
I'm not sure how I feel about this dream. I don't remember ever having a dream in which the conversation seems logical. Nor having a dream in which there's not much movement.
I had to get up early this morning. I've been getting up early this entire weekend, hm. Showered, ate, and thought.
Thinking about daydreams. I daydream a lot. Much more than I want to. Sometimes, my dreams feel like daydreams, and I get confused, trying figure out which they really are.
And my daydreams make me sad. More so than before I start daydreaming. Why? Because, in the end, I have to remember that life doesn't work out how I want it to. Life isn't idealistic. People are. Or I am. I expect to be happy; I end up being sad. I expect to have fun; I end up not enjoying much. Just many expectations that aren't met. In some way, it's my fault -_- Too many expectations, not enough effort. Blah.
Mm, yeah, anyway, tired. Don't know what to do. Hmm.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
"Alice in Wonderland" and "Shutter Island"
It's not that weird of a combination of movies to watch. And both were entertaining. Though, I'm not sure if it's me or what, but I wasn't completely satisfied with either film -shrug-
AiW, 7/10. The computer effects, awesome. The creatures looked amazing. The Bandersnatch and the Jabberwocky, I wish they were real haha. Maybe they are. I wish the Cheshire Cat were real too haha. And I thought the acting and characters were a mixed bag. Red Queen (Helena B Carter) got my sympathy, honestly. Alice (Mia Wasikowska) was so dry. I'm thinking her character is supposed to be like that. The Red Hatter wasn't as eccentric as I had hoped, but then again I wasn't sure how the Hatter should be anyway in this future Wonderland. Crispin Glover did so well as the Knave of Hearts XD I was happy with his acting (Though, I still see him as Willard or George McFly >_>). White Queen (Anne Hathaway), ehh, did she always move around so much? So much floaty-ness and twirling. I'm not sure how I feel about that. And her appearance was ehh >_> All white but with dark eyebrows, eyes, lips, and nails. She looked kinda evil to me, hm.
Oh yeah, the last gazebo scene, ahahaha, totally gangster XD
"Shutter Island" was interesting, 7.5/10. Predictable stuff (Then again, Andrea had ruined the ending for me when we were at Battlefest). Though the plot twist wasn't all that crazy and the movie really wasn't suspenseful for me, I think the acting was well-done. Notable performances by Leonardo DiCaprio (Teddy), Mark Ruffalo (Chuck), Ben Kingsley (Dr Cawley), and Ted Levine (the Warden) with his small part. Seriously, I enjoyed the acting. But Michelle Williams' acting was a lil bit iffy. Or maybe it was her character. Her emotion was just off-putting to me, but I suppose that just added to the atmosphere of the movie. Oh, and the suspenseful moments didn't surprise me ): I was slightly disappointed. But the lake scene almost made me cry. Yeaah.
I agree with Brian that the plot twist was predictable and therefore not a real twist. However, the way the movie handled the twist was a bit unexpected. It didn't follow the trend. Haha Claudia was disappointed that the ending didn't follow cliche :P
I read an online review somewhere that compared "Shutter Island" to "The Departed." Honestly, I have to say that I prefer "The Departed." I feel like I could watch that movie more often than I could watch "Shutter Island," but that's just me.
So today, Chris M (from Bernal and ST) gave me a ride to Eastridge around 11h10. Would have picked up Shiva and her friend if she had called, but she didn't. So Chris and I got to the mall around 11h30. Claudia wasn't there yet. And Chris had to leave because his dad called and told him to come home ): I told him he should go home. He bought a ticket for the "Shutter Island" showing at 14h00 and left. I waited for Claudia. She showed up right at noon when "Alice in Wonderland" was supposed to start. I almost thought she wasn't gonna show up, but yeah she did ^_^ If she hadn't, I don't know what I would have done because she has no cell phone and I had no ride for home -_-
Haha and while we were in line so she could buy water, we were talking about how we hate planning things/inviting people to things. People say yes at first, and then gradually they all change their answers to no -_- This is the third time it's happened to me in the past six or so months. I had at least eight people say yes for today. Claudia was obviously supposed to show because she was the one who invited me. Chris came (for the purpose of being my chauffeur XP haha). Brian showed for the second movie. Everyone else decided they didn't want to go or they couldn't go. I'd prefer that people just say no upfront or maybe. Not yes, then no. I dislike that very much. It has a negative impact on my life XP Apparently, the reason why Claudia invites me to the movies is that I mean yes when I say yes. At least for movie-watching. I'm usually good on my word, you know? Yeaah.
Anyway, we watched AiW. The movie ended around 2. I bought chocolate-covered raisins from a vending machine (been so long since I last had some). I put in $3.25 because I was hungry XP And you know, this was a suspenseful experience because the box got stuck D: I almost freaked out. Started pounding on the machine. Eventually, I figured out how to get it out. But ah, I dislike vending machines now T-T
After that, we headed over to the room for SI, where Brian was waiting for us. Haha Brian and I laughed at quite a few things during the movie XP Such silly things. Though, I currently cannot recall what any of them were haha.
When we got out of the theater around 16h30, Chris appeared out of nowhere. Turned out that he had come in to watch the last hour of the movie :O I didn't know. I had seen him come in and sit down in front, but I wasn't sure if it had actually been him >_> I felt bad. He paid $8.75 to watch half a movie D: And he was driving me too DX Mm..
We stood outside the theater for a bit. I talked to each person individually. They didn't really talk to each other -_- I realized I didn't introduce Chris to the other two. But, you know, they could have introduced themselves without me.
Anyway, we headed over to Daiso because Claudia wanted to look at or buy something. Brian left soon after. The rest of us headed over to Barnes & Noble and talked about the different books there. I didn't know Glenn Beck put out many books -_- Scary. Also, so many novels changing their covers to match with the recently-released movies based on them. I'm kinda not liking that, but eh whatever. After a few minutes of the conversation on books and Chris' hand gestures haha, Claudia had to leave.
Chris and I headed to his Jeep. I didn't know where to go, so Chris took me to the spot where he crashed his old Chevelle, poor thing. Spent more than half an hour standing on the side of San Felipe Road talking about his experience and whatnot. Crazy stuff. His car took out a chunk of a telephone pole haha. Damn. I'm surprised the pole is still standing. Oh, we saw two cars racing down the winding road as well. How close they got to running me over, hmm. Worrisome. Also darkness settling in. So we decided to get back in the car.
Drove all the way down San Felipe to Metcalf Road, to Bailey Avenue. So many turns @_@ Dangerous. Ooh, but the city lights, sooo nice. I really wanna just camp out on a tall hill or a mountain and look down on the city lights. And wait for the sunrise :D Ahh, that reminds me of when I used to live next to Valley Christian High School. One of the coolest places to see the city lights from. Oh, memories.
Anyway, yeah, much of the conversation that I had with Chris was about cars and his friend Mike P, whom apparently everyone should know. I know of him. I've known of him since Bernal :P But yeah, all very interesting conversation haha.
So I got home at 18h00, maybe 18h30. I don't remember. But I do remember Mother saying that she liked Chris because he looked like a nice guy haha. He is a nice guy (:
Oh, haha I just remembered that I could have gotten him and Brian talking more if I had mentioned that Brian is on a team building a hybrid formula race car XP Why I didn't think of it earlier, I do not know. Next time.
But yeah, that was basically my day. Good stuff. Movies were good, but conversations were more fun. Next time, I'll try to facilitate conversation, I guess. Though, people already know I'm not much of a conversationalist myself, sooo... Don't expect amazing conversation starters from me. I'm usually better at one-on-one conversations, in which the other speaker has more to say than I do or is passionate about something ^_^ Yeah, if you hadn't noticed.
Mm, fun stuff. Shall spend tomorrow doing some homework. At least another chapter for Sociology. I need motivation to start on my essays though -_- Blah. Ooh, Queer Prom in three weeks. I want to go. We'll see what happens, hm.
Oh yeah, yesterday was cool too. Spent the day chillin' at Shiva's and doing French homework haha. Brian came over when we were watching the Japanese version of Sailor Moon. Oh, memories XD There were also invasions of foot space. Offers of a shoulder to lean on. Literally. Lessons in hugs, I suppose >_> scary stuff. She made me hug Phil XP haha.
Ok, enough remembering stuff for tonight. I need sleep. Soon.
AiW, 7/10. The computer effects, awesome. The creatures looked amazing. The Bandersnatch and the Jabberwocky, I wish they were real haha. Maybe they are. I wish the Cheshire Cat were real too haha. And I thought the acting and characters were a mixed bag. Red Queen (Helena B Carter) got my sympathy, honestly. Alice (Mia Wasikowska) was so dry. I'm thinking her character is supposed to be like that. The Red Hatter wasn't as eccentric as I had hoped, but then again I wasn't sure how the Hatter should be anyway in this future Wonderland. Crispin Glover did so well as the Knave of Hearts XD I was happy with his acting (Though, I still see him as Willard or George McFly >_>). White Queen (Anne Hathaway), ehh, did she always move around so much? So much floaty-ness and twirling. I'm not sure how I feel about that. And her appearance was ehh >_> All white but with dark eyebrows, eyes, lips, and nails. She looked kinda evil to me, hm.
Oh yeah, the last gazebo scene, ahahaha, totally gangster XD
"Shutter Island" was interesting, 7.5/10. Predictable stuff (Then again, Andrea had ruined the ending for me when we were at Battlefest). Though the plot twist wasn't all that crazy and the movie really wasn't suspenseful for me, I think the acting was well-done. Notable performances by Leonardo DiCaprio (Teddy), Mark Ruffalo (Chuck), Ben Kingsley (Dr Cawley), and Ted Levine (the Warden) with his small part. Seriously, I enjoyed the acting. But Michelle Williams' acting was a lil bit iffy. Or maybe it was her character. Her emotion was just off-putting to me, but I suppose that just added to the atmosphere of the movie. Oh, and the suspenseful moments didn't surprise me ): I was slightly disappointed. But the lake scene almost made me cry. Yeaah.
I agree with Brian that the plot twist was predictable and therefore not a real twist. However, the way the movie handled the twist was a bit unexpected. It didn't follow the trend. Haha Claudia was disappointed that the ending didn't follow cliche :P
I read an online review somewhere that compared "Shutter Island" to "The Departed." Honestly, I have to say that I prefer "The Departed." I feel like I could watch that movie more often than I could watch "Shutter Island," but that's just me.
So today, Chris M (from Bernal and ST) gave me a ride to Eastridge around 11h10. Would have picked up Shiva and her friend if she had called, but she didn't. So Chris and I got to the mall around 11h30. Claudia wasn't there yet. And Chris had to leave because his dad called and told him to come home ): I told him he should go home. He bought a ticket for the "Shutter Island" showing at 14h00 and left. I waited for Claudia. She showed up right at noon when "Alice in Wonderland" was supposed to start. I almost thought she wasn't gonna show up, but yeah she did ^_^ If she hadn't, I don't know what I would have done because she has no cell phone and I had no ride for home -_-
Haha and while we were in line so she could buy water, we were talking about how we hate planning things/inviting people to things. People say yes at first, and then gradually they all change their answers to no -_- This is the third time it's happened to me in the past six or so months. I had at least eight people say yes for today. Claudia was obviously supposed to show because she was the one who invited me. Chris came (for the purpose of being my chauffeur XP haha). Brian showed for the second movie. Everyone else decided they didn't want to go or they couldn't go. I'd prefer that people just say no upfront or maybe. Not yes, then no. I dislike that very much. It has a negative impact on my life XP Apparently, the reason why Claudia invites me to the movies is that I mean yes when I say yes. At least for movie-watching. I'm usually good on my word, you know? Yeaah.
Anyway, we watched AiW. The movie ended around 2. I bought chocolate-covered raisins from a vending machine (been so long since I last had some). I put in $3.25 because I was hungry XP And you know, this was a suspenseful experience because the box got stuck D: I almost freaked out. Started pounding on the machine. Eventually, I figured out how to get it out. But ah, I dislike vending machines now T-T
After that, we headed over to the room for SI, where Brian was waiting for us. Haha Brian and I laughed at quite a few things during the movie XP Such silly things. Though, I currently cannot recall what any of them were haha.
When we got out of the theater around 16h30, Chris appeared out of nowhere. Turned out that he had come in to watch the last hour of the movie :O I didn't know. I had seen him come in and sit down in front, but I wasn't sure if it had actually been him >_> I felt bad. He paid $8.75 to watch half a movie D: And he was driving me too DX Mm..
We stood outside the theater for a bit. I talked to each person individually. They didn't really talk to each other -_- I realized I didn't introduce Chris to the other two. But, you know, they could have introduced themselves without me.
Anyway, we headed over to Daiso because Claudia wanted to look at or buy something. Brian left soon after. The rest of us headed over to Barnes & Noble and talked about the different books there. I didn't know Glenn Beck put out many books -_- Scary. Also, so many novels changing their covers to match with the recently-released movies based on them. I'm kinda not liking that, but eh whatever. After a few minutes of the conversation on books and Chris' hand gestures haha, Claudia had to leave.
Chris and I headed to his Jeep. I didn't know where to go, so Chris took me to the spot where he crashed his old Chevelle, poor thing. Spent more than half an hour standing on the side of San Felipe Road talking about his experience and whatnot. Crazy stuff. His car took out a chunk of a telephone pole haha. Damn. I'm surprised the pole is still standing. Oh, we saw two cars racing down the winding road as well. How close they got to running me over, hmm. Worrisome. Also darkness settling in. So we decided to get back in the car.
Drove all the way down San Felipe to Metcalf Road, to Bailey Avenue. So many turns @_@ Dangerous. Ooh, but the city lights, sooo nice. I really wanna just camp out on a tall hill or a mountain and look down on the city lights. And wait for the sunrise :D Ahh, that reminds me of when I used to live next to Valley Christian High School. One of the coolest places to see the city lights from. Oh, memories.
Anyway, yeah, much of the conversation that I had with Chris was about cars and his friend Mike P, whom apparently everyone should know. I know of him. I've known of him since Bernal :P But yeah, all very interesting conversation haha.
So I got home at 18h00, maybe 18h30. I don't remember. But I do remember Mother saying that she liked Chris because he looked like a nice guy haha. He is a nice guy (:
Oh, haha I just remembered that I could have gotten him and Brian talking more if I had mentioned that Brian is on a team building a hybrid formula race car XP Why I didn't think of it earlier, I do not know. Next time.
But yeah, that was basically my day. Good stuff. Movies were good, but conversations were more fun. Next time, I'll try to facilitate conversation, I guess. Though, people already know I'm not much of a conversationalist myself, sooo... Don't expect amazing conversation starters from me. I'm usually better at one-on-one conversations, in which the other speaker has more to say than I do or is passionate about something ^_^ Yeah, if you hadn't noticed.
Mm, fun stuff. Shall spend tomorrow doing some homework. At least another chapter for Sociology. I need motivation to start on my essays though -_- Blah. Ooh, Queer Prom in three weeks. I want to go. We'll see what happens, hm.
Oh yeah, yesterday was cool too. Spent the day chillin' at Shiva's and doing French homework haha. Brian came over when we were watching the Japanese version of Sailor Moon. Oh, memories XD There were also invasions of foot space. Offers of a shoulder to lean on. Literally. Lessons in hugs, I suppose >_> scary stuff. She made me hug Phil XP haha.
Ok, enough remembering stuff for tonight. I need sleep. Soon.
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