I'm always saying that I'm making changes, but I've been halfheartedly committing to the more difficult ones.
Just spent several hours with Vivi, who is visiting from Portland. Lots of listening, talking, venting, and being completely honest. Got a fresh perspective and an honest opinion. Acknowledged what's been going on and what changes I've really been wanting to make but been too afraid to do anything about.
I'm pretty sure I freaked out Vivi with some of the stuff I was saying. But really, talking to her helped me put my thoughts together.
Anyway, starting this week, I'm going to start implementing actual changes in my behavior and habits. As much as I want to just make sudden changes, I figure it's probably smarter to roll them out, so that I don't overwhelm myself. The sudden influx of changes in my life is what got me into the bad mental space that I've been living in the past few months.
I have a list of changes written down. Kinda like resolutions, but not really. Just more short-sighted goals that will hopefully contribute to a life-improving balance that I want to find. I won't be sharing the list with anyone. I want this to be mine only. At least for now. At the most, I'm going to ask people to hold me accountable. Just ask me how I'm doing with my changes. Am I doing better? I won't lie.
But yeah, I need to take better care of myself. I can't keep doing stupid things and running away from my problems. I need to stop running. I need to stand my ground. I want to have the strength to stand my ground and face my challenges.
I want to be happy with myself, as much as I was just a year ago. I want the happiness that I was able to give myself. It will happen somehow. I will make it happen. Slowly but surely.
----
Oh, celebrated NYE at a PopNYE. That was chill. A lot of unexpected things happened, I guess. Nothing seriously bad. I kissed a cute girl, whom I had just met that day, at midnight. It was nice. I got to cross NYE kiss off my bucket list haha. Danced with her all night. It was great. It was nice to have someone there with me. Someone who seemed like she really wanted to dance with me. Someone to hold me. Someone to kiss. Someone who just seemed interested. It's been a long time since I've been in any kind of situation like this, you know, with mutual interest involved haha. So it was a very pleasant surprise.
At the end of the night, she asked for my number. I may have mistyped it. Luckily, Facebook is a thing. Anyway, I was pretty hopeful about this for a day or two. But now, I'm just kinda mellowing out about it. She contacted me once but didn't continue the conversation. I texted her once, and again she didn't continue the conversation. I'm trying not to read into it. She could be busy, or she might not be interested. I'm just going to keep myself content with the thought that NYE was pretty amazing and we had fun together.
Showing posts with label resolutions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label resolutions. Show all posts
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Resolutions
For life... :D
I realize I haven't mentioned any resolutions for 2012 yet. I have resolutions. Not just for 2012. More for my whole life. Hmm, it's more of a multi-part resolution for self-improvement:
I know I won't be perfect, and I know I regress. But I'm trying. I think I've been doing pretty well. I don't really have anything to gauge my progress. But I feel like I'm heading toward a point in my life where I am satisfied with myself, the person I'm becoming. I open up and confide in more than one person now. I'm getting better with being honest haha. I haven't lied about anything important XP I'm most definitely happy being by myself now that I'm choosing to spend more time alone than with people. But when I am around people, I'm a lot better at not being so closed off. But I don't try too hard to get a conversation going. I realize I'm not a fan of small talk. If I'm gonna ask you something, I must really want to know your answer. I'm confronting people who hurt me. Well, except Mother. That's still something I need to figure out how to approach. Standing up to people really just applies to Mother. Again, still thinking that one out. But I've occasionally been emotionally strong enough to confront her about some things. That's new and scary, but I'm doing it. Thinking with my logic and emotions is difficult. Still trying to find that balance...
I guess this resolution thing is just always for self-improvement. For me, self-improvement just means becoming a person that I can be proud of. And not hate or feel ashamed of. I'm learning to like myself more. Gotta like myself before I love myself haha.
But yeah, I've been feeling a lot more positive and generally happier with myself. I have my days where everything just seems to tear me down, but I'm fighting those days. They are becoming fewer and farther between. It's amazing that I can feel this way. I used to think it would be impossible to get to this place.
And I used to think I would need a significant other to get me to this place. But the past couple of months have proved that I don't. All I need are good friends, good music, good food, and good times haha. Seriously, I wouldn't be where I am without my friends. And I know, I wouldn't be where I am without my own effort. I'm learning to credit myself as much as I credit my friends for some of the good things in my life. The three friends I've been turning to the most in the past couple of months are Shiva, Matt, and Vivi. I've turned to other friends as well, but nowhere near as much as to these three. I'm grateful for the friends I have. Without y'all, who knows where I would be right now?
Oh, tangents. I don't think I will ever be able to shake them off :P
I think for the most part, these resolutions will be the some of the last ones I will make. Any other changes or goals I want in my life, I won't wait for a new year to get started on them.
I realize I haven't mentioned any resolutions for 2012 yet. I have resolutions. Not just for 2012. More for my whole life. Hmm, it's more of a multi-part resolution for self-improvement:
To open up and let people in. To aim for all-or-nothing honesty. To be comfortable enough with myself by myself and around others. To not take shit from anyone. To stand up to those whom I fear. To reason with both my head and my heart.
I know I won't be perfect, and I know I regress. But I'm trying. I think I've been doing pretty well. I don't really have anything to gauge my progress. But I feel like I'm heading toward a point in my life where I am satisfied with myself, the person I'm becoming. I open up and confide in more than one person now. I'm getting better with being honest haha. I haven't lied about anything important XP I'm most definitely happy being by myself now that I'm choosing to spend more time alone than with people. But when I am around people, I'm a lot better at not being so closed off. But I don't try too hard to get a conversation going. I realize I'm not a fan of small talk. If I'm gonna ask you something, I must really want to know your answer. I'm confronting people who hurt me. Well, except Mother. That's still something I need to figure out how to approach. Standing up to people really just applies to Mother. Again, still thinking that one out. But I've occasionally been emotionally strong enough to confront her about some things. That's new and scary, but I'm doing it. Thinking with my logic and emotions is difficult. Still trying to find that balance...
I guess this resolution thing is just always for self-improvement. For me, self-improvement just means becoming a person that I can be proud of. And not hate or feel ashamed of. I'm learning to like myself more. Gotta like myself before I love myself haha.
But yeah, I've been feeling a lot more positive and generally happier with myself. I have my days where everything just seems to tear me down, but I'm fighting those days. They are becoming fewer and farther between. It's amazing that I can feel this way. I used to think it would be impossible to get to this place.
And I used to think I would need a significant other to get me to this place. But the past couple of months have proved that I don't. All I need are good friends, good music, good food, and good times haha. Seriously, I wouldn't be where I am without my friends. And I know, I wouldn't be where I am without my own effort. I'm learning to credit myself as much as I credit my friends for some of the good things in my life. The three friends I've been turning to the most in the past couple of months are Shiva, Matt, and Vivi. I've turned to other friends as well, but nowhere near as much as to these three. I'm grateful for the friends I have. Without y'all, who knows where I would be right now?
Oh, tangents. I don't think I will ever be able to shake them off :P
I think for the most part, these resolutions will be the some of the last ones I will make. Any other changes or goals I want in my life, I won't wait for a new year to get started on them.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Two days till 2011...
So I've only left my house once so far this break XD That was to go to Boiling Crab with Ariane and Maggie on Monday (Kat was supposed to go too, but she was busy). There was a line :O But we were early enough to be seated when the door opened. Lunch at 3, yay. Crawfish and sweet potato fries, tasty :)
Got caught up on some things. Ariane might start focusing more on school and less on dance. Maggie's planning to go to Jamaica with Dan in the summer (Dan's graduation present) :O That's pretty awesome.
It was a good lunch :) Afterward, we went to Maggie's house for a bit. First, we cleaned out the back of Ariane's car XD HELLUH messy hahaha. Threw out most of the papers and stuff. She needs to vacuum her car XP
Anyway, only got to chill at Maggie's for like twenty minutes before Ariane had to leave. So hugged Maggie, waited for some dude to move his truck out of the way, and left for home (Ariane gave me a ride).
We need to hang out more. Ariane (and, I guess, a few other people) wants to meet Shiva sometime :D So maybe, when Shiva gets back, we can all hang out :)
Shiva's back in about eleven days. Then she'll be gone for a few days. Then she'll be back again XD haha.
Hmm, so other than the lunch on Monday, I haven't gone anywhere. I've been home, watching movies, sleeping, eating, and listening to and organizing my music. Yay, I have about 2000 songs left to go through. I've already gone through more than 4500 songs. Then I need to download more. Anyone know a good site to get songs from? Hmm, maybe I'll go buy a CD. I haven't bought a new CD in a loooong time, like three years long haha.
I've been hella lazy. Haven't started that term paper I said I would >_>
New Year's is in TWO DAYS. Feels like 2010 only started a few days ago. In Harrison's house. A year later... well, I don't have any plans for going into the new year.
So I said I would put up resolutions. But I don't really like calling them all resolutions. So how about just a list of resolutions and things I would like to do or get done haha. They would probably be good for my health and/or sanity too. And if I don't get to them in this next year, there are many more years to come :)
But first, I'm gonna go through my 2010 resolutions.
1. Follow: No anger. No complaints.
2. Daily: Get out of bed by 0700.
3. Daily: Meditate for 10 minutes.
4. Daily: Do 20 push-ups, 20 crunches, 20 chin-ups.
5. Do a fitness activity at least twice a week.
6. Daily: Drink 1 bottle of water.
7. Daily: Spend 3 extra hours max on the Internet.
8. Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
9. Choose a major by March 31.
10. Get a job by summertime.
11. Do not doubt myself.
12. Prepare for and go to Anime Expo 2010.
13. Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone.
+Learn how to play piano or guitar.
+Talk to people more. Initiate more conversations.
+Go out with friends weekly.
+Don't drive too fast. Don't rush.
+Be honest. Do not lie.
+Obsess less. Figure out more solutions. Make decisive decisions.
+Eat enough fruits and vegetable every day.
+Avoid 80+ proof liquor.
+Go to SF Pride. Get a small group of friends to go.
+Go to ST's 2010 graduation.
+Read all the novels suggested by friends.
+Finish at least half the list of "Movies To Watch."
+Have a horror/thriller movie marathon.
+Go to a concert.
+Hug more. For real this time.
+Wander through the city (any city).
+Explore San Jose's Japantown.
+Celebrate my birthday.
Red: FAIL/didn't get to do
Orange: Kinda did it (mostly toward the start of the year)
Yellow: Did it most of the time or for most of the year
Green: WIN/Accomplished
"Uncolored": Debatable
The colored ones are self-explanatory. Well, that's if you've read or heard about what I've done this year.
#1 and 11 can't really be gauged. I feel like I managed to do them for most of the year, but I'm biased XP They were just two goals to aim toward. Shiva and I attempted to go watch the sunrise, but we didn't actually see the sunrise but the clouds changing colors. We're kinda on the wrong coast for a good sunrise haha. Then being honest would have been a win, if I hadn't been lying to Mother about my relationship with Shiva >_> For the movies, I've finished more than half my original list, but I also added twice as many movies to the list haha. So I dunno how that counts. I haven't really just wandered through any city. I've walked around here and there in new places in San Jose and in So Cal, but I don't really consider that wandering. Btw, though I did choose a major by March 31, I didn't declare in it XP but it still counts haha.
Overall, though, I feel like I did well enough for my resolutions this year :)
So onto the new year's stuff, which will include stuff from 2010:
Stuff To Do in 2011:
Make Shiva happy.
Talk to family more.
Read good novels.
Go Shiva's college graduation.
Apply for graduation. Make post-grad plans.
Get a job.
Go on a roadtrip.
Go on a hike/picnic.
Go to karaoke and dance (party).
Donate/recycle stuff I don't need.
Get a haircut for the summertime.
Donate my hair if it's long enough.
Btw, I hope my hair's long enough to donate by the time summer comes around XD If not, I'll be sad. Having long hair is difficult. I don't think I take very good care of it. I'm kinda impatient about getting my short hairstyle back.
I don't know what else I hope to do next year. I just want to have good, memorable times with friends and family.
Well, that's all I've got. If there's anything else, I'll let you know.
Anyway, I've had a good year with all its ups and downs. I can't say the same for the people in my life, but I hope all's been well for everyone else.
Got caught up on some things. Ariane might start focusing more on school and less on dance. Maggie's planning to go to Jamaica with Dan in the summer (Dan's graduation present) :O That's pretty awesome.
It was a good lunch :) Afterward, we went to Maggie's house for a bit. First, we cleaned out the back of Ariane's car XD HELLUH messy hahaha. Threw out most of the papers and stuff. She needs to vacuum her car XP
Anyway, only got to chill at Maggie's for like twenty minutes before Ariane had to leave. So hugged Maggie, waited for some dude to move his truck out of the way, and left for home (Ariane gave me a ride).
We need to hang out more. Ariane (and, I guess, a few other people) wants to meet Shiva sometime :D So maybe, when Shiva gets back, we can all hang out :)
Shiva's back in about eleven days. Then she'll be gone for a few days. Then she'll be back again XD haha.
Hmm, so other than the lunch on Monday, I haven't gone anywhere. I've been home, watching movies, sleeping, eating, and listening to and organizing my music. Yay, I have about 2000 songs left to go through. I've already gone through more than 4500 songs. Then I need to download more. Anyone know a good site to get songs from? Hmm, maybe I'll go buy a CD. I haven't bought a new CD in a loooong time, like three years long haha.
I've been hella lazy. Haven't started that term paper I said I would >_>
New Year's is in TWO DAYS. Feels like 2010 only started a few days ago. In Harrison's house. A year later... well, I don't have any plans for going into the new year.
So I said I would put up resolutions. But I don't really like calling them all resolutions. So how about just a list of resolutions and things I would like to do or get done haha. They would probably be good for my health and/or sanity too. And if I don't get to them in this next year, there are many more years to come :)
But first, I'm gonna go through my 2010 resolutions.
1. Follow: No anger. No complaints.
2. Daily: Get out of bed by 0700.
3. Daily: Meditate for 10 minutes.
4. Daily: Do 20 push-ups, 20 crunches, 20 chin-ups.
5. Do a fitness activity at least twice a week.
6. Daily: Drink 1 bottle of water.
7. Daily: Spend 3 extra hours max on the Internet.
8. Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
9. Choose a major by March 31.
10. Get a job by summertime.
11. Do not doubt myself.
12. Prepare for and go to Anime Expo 2010.
13. Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone.
+Learn how to play piano or guitar.
+Talk to people more. Initiate more conversations.
+Go out with friends weekly.
+Don't drive too fast. Don't rush.
+Be honest. Do not lie.
+Obsess less. Figure out more solutions. Make decisive decisions.
+Eat enough fruits and vegetable every day.
+Avoid 80+ proof liquor.
+Go to SF Pride. Get a small group of friends to go.
+Go to ST's 2010 graduation.
+Read all the novels suggested by friends.
+Finish at least half the list of "Movies To Watch."
+Have a horror/thriller movie marathon.
+Go to a concert.
+Hug more. For real this time.
+Wander through the city (any city).
+Explore San Jose's Japantown.
+Celebrate my birthday.
Red: FAIL/didn't get to do
Orange: Kinda did it (mostly toward the start of the year)
Yellow: Did it most of the time or for most of the year
Green: WIN/Accomplished
"Uncolored": Debatable
The colored ones are self-explanatory. Well, that's if you've read or heard about what I've done this year.
#1 and 11 can't really be gauged. I feel like I managed to do them for most of the year, but I'm biased XP They were just two goals to aim toward. Shiva and I attempted to go watch the sunrise, but we didn't actually see the sunrise but the clouds changing colors. We're kinda on the wrong coast for a good sunrise haha. Then being honest would have been a win, if I hadn't been lying to Mother about my relationship with Shiva >_> For the movies, I've finished more than half my original list, but I also added twice as many movies to the list haha. So I dunno how that counts. I haven't really just wandered through any city. I've walked around here and there in new places in San Jose and in So Cal, but I don't really consider that wandering. Btw, though I did choose a major by March 31, I didn't declare in it XP but it still counts haha.
Overall, though, I feel like I did well enough for my resolutions this year :)
So onto the new year's stuff, which will include stuff from 2010:
Stuff To Do in 2011:
Make Shiva happy.
Talk to family more.
Read good novels.
Go Shiva's college graduation.
Apply for graduation. Make post-grad plans.
Get a job.
Go on a roadtrip.
Go on a hike/picnic.
Go to karaoke and dance (party).
Donate/recycle stuff I don't need.
Get a haircut for the summertime.
Donate my hair if it's long enough.
Btw, I hope my hair's long enough to donate by the time summer comes around XD If not, I'll be sad. Having long hair is difficult. I don't think I take very good care of it. I'm kinda impatient about getting my short hairstyle back.
I don't know what else I hope to do next year. I just want to have good, memorable times with friends and family.
Well, that's all I've got. If there's anything else, I'll let you know.
Anyway, I've had a good year with all its ups and downs. I can't say the same for the people in my life, but I hope all's been well for everyone else.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Nearing the end of Fall 2010
Tomorrow's my last day of classes. Then three days of finals next week: Monday, Thursday, and Friday. That's gonna be fun. At least my hardest final will be out of the way on Monday.
This week has been ok so far. Haven't done too much.
Turned in my term paper for 100W today. Oh, one of my classmates, Kenya, had to do a presentation (the last one), and she was just having a lot of trouble with stuff. Stuff was falling out of her backpack, her laptop was dying, the projector wouldn't connect to her laptop, emailing her powerpoint to another classmate took the longest time, and Kenya was just really frustrated and stuff. I felt bad, but I didn't know how to help ):
Mm, tomorrow, I have Social Theory and Philosophy of Religion, yay. Will probably get the take-home final for Philosophy.
I'm so happy I don't have any homework to worry about tonight. I'll start worrying about finals this weekend XD
Gender Bender Dance thingy this Saturday, yay! Though, I'm not sure how much I'll enjoy it if my headache and back ache don't go away D:
Ahh, I feel like Winter Break is gonna go by just as fast as this past semester has. At the least, I hope I feel well-rested when school starts at the end of January.
Anyway, Christmas is getting closer. Do I have a wish list this year? No, not really. I need shoes and underwear. Then I'll be set for the new year haha.
Today, I found out that my shoes, particularly my left, are worn at the heel and ball of the foot. It was raining today. I avoided the puddles, but I could feel the bottom of the toes of my foot and my sock getting wet really quickly -_- With no puddles around, I'd take a few steps, and my sock would get wet in the same spot. So this Friday, Shiva and I are planning to go to the mall, so that I can buy new shoes. These Fallen shoes have only lasted about a year and a half :O Not that long, even though I usually get new shoes every year.
But seriously, I don't wanna ask for anything this year. I dunno what to ask for either. I am quite happy with what (and whom) I have now. I'm relatively happy, especially at this time of the year, even if Brother isn't home to celebrate holidays and birthdays with.
Anyway, I guess, for Christmas this year, I want... to be happy, to not be so stressed out about school, family, and life. If I could have that for Christmas Day, I think I'll be okay.
2011 coming soon... in about three weeks :O So soon. Ahhh... crazy. I wonder if I'll partake in any New Year's festivities. If I do, I'm sure I won't drink alcohol at all.
Resolutions? Probably none. Or one or two. I remember I said that I would probably try to stay away from making a list of resolutions. Though, I still have my 2010 list in my wallet. I think I've actually accomplished more than half of them :) Yay.
If I decide to make a resolution or two, what should I try to accomplish by the start of 2012? Not gonna say "get a girlfriend" XD haha 'cause I already got an amazing and beautiful girl :3 Maybe I should try "find a job" again haha. "Go to Anime Expo 2011" XD "Apply for graduation. Make plans for post-grad." "Read more books," though it seems I'm gonna have plenty to read next semester x_x Oh, I know a good resolution: "Make Shiva happy." :) That sounds like a good one, doesn't it? I think so.
I'll put up my resolution(s) by New Year's Eve. Probably.
Anyway, I should go to bed soon. Should sleep early-ish for once haha...
This week has been ok so far. Haven't done too much.
Turned in my term paper for 100W today. Oh, one of my classmates, Kenya, had to do a presentation (the last one), and she was just having a lot of trouble with stuff. Stuff was falling out of her backpack, her laptop was dying, the projector wouldn't connect to her laptop, emailing her powerpoint to another classmate took the longest time, and Kenya was just really frustrated and stuff. I felt bad, but I didn't know how to help ):
Mm, tomorrow, I have Social Theory and Philosophy of Religion, yay. Will probably get the take-home final for Philosophy.
I'm so happy I don't have any homework to worry about tonight. I'll start worrying about finals this weekend XD
Gender Bender Dance thingy this Saturday, yay! Though, I'm not sure how much I'll enjoy it if my headache and back ache don't go away D:
Ahh, I feel like Winter Break is gonna go by just as fast as this past semester has. At the least, I hope I feel well-rested when school starts at the end of January.
Anyway, Christmas is getting closer. Do I have a wish list this year? No, not really. I need shoes and underwear. Then I'll be set for the new year haha.
Today, I found out that my shoes, particularly my left, are worn at the heel and ball of the foot. It was raining today. I avoided the puddles, but I could feel the bottom of the toes of my foot and my sock getting wet really quickly -_- With no puddles around, I'd take a few steps, and my sock would get wet in the same spot. So this Friday, Shiva and I are planning to go to the mall, so that I can buy new shoes. These Fallen shoes have only lasted about a year and a half :O Not that long, even though I usually get new shoes every year.
But seriously, I don't wanna ask for anything this year. I dunno what to ask for either. I am quite happy with what (and whom) I have now. I'm relatively happy, especially at this time of the year, even if Brother isn't home to celebrate holidays and birthdays with.
Anyway, I guess, for Christmas this year, I want... to be happy, to not be so stressed out about school, family, and life. If I could have that for Christmas Day, I think I'll be okay.
2011 coming soon... in about three weeks :O So soon. Ahhh... crazy. I wonder if I'll partake in any New Year's festivities. If I do, I'm sure I won't drink alcohol at all.
Resolutions? Probably none. Or one or two. I remember I said that I would probably try to stay away from making a list of resolutions. Though, I still have my 2010 list in my wallet. I think I've actually accomplished more than half of them :) Yay.
If I decide to make a resolution or two, what should I try to accomplish by the start of 2012? Not gonna say "get a girlfriend" XD haha 'cause I already got an amazing and beautiful girl :3 Maybe I should try "find a job" again haha. "Go to Anime Expo 2011" XD "Apply for graduation. Make plans for post-grad." "Read more books," though it seems I'm gonna have plenty to read next semester x_x Oh, I know a good resolution: "Make Shiva happy." :) That sounds like a good one, doesn't it? I think so.
I'll put up my resolution(s) by New Year's Eve. Probably.
Anyway, I should go to bed soon. Should sleep early-ish for once haha...
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I want to be cautious
I want to be cautious, not paranoid.
But it's difficult. Mother woke me up this morning because the sprinklers had apparently been on for five hours D: (Water bill's gonna be high this month). And they're still leaking.
Mother believes that someone stuck their hand in through the mail slot in the garage to mess with the sprinkler system. I told her that did not happen because the settings are the same as always. Something's probably physically wrong with the sprinkler system. But she won't let go of the belief that someone's fuckin' with us.. -_-
I don't want to hear her paranoid conjectures anymore. I've been listening to them for a long time. I used to believe her. Now, not so much. Though, somewhere in my brain, I hear what-ifs. Then I tell myself, "No. Don't believe such crap. It's paranoia. There's no evidence." But I can't help wondering if she's right about those people.
I can feel the paranoia creep in. I don't wanna be like that. Don't wanna think like that about people I don't even know. But it's getting a lil harder. Especially when Mother starts talking about people I do know. Like my friends ): She hasn't been right about them often. But the few times she mentioned a negative trait that I'd also noticed, I just thought "What if she's been right about my other friends?"
Then I slap myself for being silly. But again, I can't help it. Egh, I wish I could push those stupid thoughts out of my mind. So hard to trust people when all I can think about is how they might hurt me or how they might be planning something to hurt my family. Conspiracies >_< that I know are not real.
Blahh. Enough about how much I dislike paranoia.
Resolutions.
I think I'm gonna stop making yearly resolutions. I feel too inadequate to fulfill them. Or I really need someone to make sure I make more realistic resolutions haha. Maybe I'll just make lists of things to keep in mind XP I feel like I'm giving up too easily. I lost my motivation for the resolutions pretty quickly this year haha.
Progress(?):
1. Follow: No anger. No complaints.
-I'm sure this was an unrealistic resolution. I'm still always angry and complaining -_- Quite pathetic. Though I don't complain about every little thing my family does now, I'm still complaining too much. Still complaining about myself haha.
2. Daily: Get out of bed by 0700.
-I do this on school days. I haven't been doing it on weekends ):
3. Daily: Meditate for 10 minutes.
-I never got started on this. Or it's an irregular activity.
4. Daily: Do 20 push-ups, 20 crunches, 20 chin-ups.
-I'm good with this. One of the few things I can keep up with.
5. Do a fitness activity at least twice a week.
-I'm scrapping this. Biking to and from the light rail station is good enough XP
6. Daily: Drink 1 bottle of water.
-I'm now not as consistent with this as I was in the first two months of the year haha.
7. Daily: Spend 3 extra hours max on the Internet.
-Most days, a success. Some days, people decide to talk to me on AIM. Though, I suppose doing my homework at the same time is ok haha.
8. Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
-Yay, French class. Vietnamese, I need to find someone to teach me XP
9. Choose a major by March 31.
-Working on this. I intend to decide by tomorrow night. For now, I'm pretty sure I'll at least minor in Philosophy, but that's as far as I've gotten.
10. Get a job by summertime.
-Not likely. None of the places I applied to online replied. I should probably apply in person. But I think now is a bit too late to apply for summer. And still no car, so I don't know how I'd get myself to work.
11. Do not doubt myself.
-I'm still not sure how I'm supposed to do this. Too vague, mm. How does one find confidence in oneself?
12. Prepare for and go to Anime Expo 2010.
-This may be a go. Not yet sure. Depends on if I wanna fork over $75 (or even $65) for a four-day weekend when it used to be just $55. Also depends on if I wanna spend money the hotel room. First need to find out when Maggie and her friends are going down to Anaheim because I may just replace AX with Disneyland haha.
13. Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone.
-Meh. No occasion to spend the night outside with anyone. Though, I'm sure one of my friends wants to go to Half Moon Bay for a night. Eh -shrug- If anyone wants to go somewhere outside for a night, invite me :P so we can watch the sunset or sunrise together :D
So which resolutions have I been doing well with?: 4 and 8 haha. #9 is going to be accomplished tomorrow -nods- The ones I'm kinda sticking to are #1, 2, 6, 7, and 12, I guess.
I feel so not happy that I'm not sticking to this list haha. But it doesn't feel all that important to me anymore. I think next year I'll just try to stick to two or three resolutions instead of long a list XP Long lists of resolutions, not so smart on my part haha. Can't focus on all of them.
I think I'm doing better with the list of non-resolutions:
+Learn how to play piano or guitar. [no]
+Talk to people more. Initiate more conversations. [kinda]
+Go out with friends weekly. [yeah]
+Don't drive too fast. Don't rush. [yeah]
+Be honest. Do not lie. [mm, yeah and no. I'm trying]
+Obsess less. Figure out more solutions. Make decisive decisions. [mm, no]
+Eat enough fruits and vegetable every day. [yeah]
+Avoid 80+ proof liquor. [hellz yeah]
+Go to SF Pride. Get a small group of friends to go. [not summer yet]
+Go to ST's 2010 graduation. [June hasn't arrived yet]
+Read all the novels suggested by friends. [waiting till May]
+Finish at least half the list of "Movies To Watch." [waiting till May]
+Have a horror/thriller movie marathon. [kinda, but next time with people haha]
+Go to a concert. [no]
+Hug more. [yes, shocking >_>]
+Wander through the city (any city). [no]
+Explore San Jose's Japantown. [no]
+Celebrate my birthday. [not yet]
Fulfilling and not fulfilling resolutions affects how I feel about myself as a person haha.. And I think labeling my resolutions makes them feel like obligations. I really don't like feeling obligated to do anything. I want to do things for myself because I want to, not because I am expected to. I should have thought about that. Now, I feel lame -_- haha.
Hmm, now that I'm thinking about things... I think I would prefer to go to Anaheim at the end of May instead of to Expo. I mean, I'm sure Jeisun and Andrew are probably going to Expo. I know Kat's not going. Who else would be going? Must reduce cost of hotel room for it to be worth it XP For Anaheim, Maggie's friend might have free tickets, right? Hmm... Aaand I've only been to Disneyland once when I was five, and that experience wasn't all that amazing. Would like to build a happy memory of Disneyland haha.
Either way, I wanna go down to SoCal this summer. Or well, anywhere that's more than a two-hour drive away really. I don't wanna stay in the Bay Area all summer again. So if Disneyland and Expo don't happen, I still wanna go somewhere. Just dunno where or with whom, hm.
Hmm, what else did I wanna say in this entry? Eh -shrug- Hm, I had to sleep in the living room today because Brother fell asleep in my room -_- Can't sleep with his snoring. Anyway, sleep was elusive. Went to bed at 0100. Head hurt. Kept waking up again. But I remember a dream where someone hugged me. I'm getting more hug dreams @_@ Whhyyy?
Spring Break is going slow and quick. Sad that most others' springs breaks were last week. So not many people to chill with this week. I've gotten a lot of homework done though, especially over the weekend and yesterday. But I still have my two essays to start >_> Should have started yesterday, but I ended up watching movies online. "Cube," "Cube 2: Hypercube," "Cube Zero," and "Thir13en Ghosts." First three were the ones that Brian L told me about. The last one, I've just enjoyed since it came out nine years ago. "Cube," interesting idea, poor execution, bad acting (haha I recognized the actress who played Leaven). Traps weren't as interesting as I thought they would be. But the first trap in "Cube Zero" was awesome. "Water!"
"Thir13en Ghosts" has always entertained me. Acting was ok. The ghosts look pretty awesome. Though, the big baby looks kinda gross. And the lawyer's death is pretty cool, and his post-death movement was a bit funny haha.
Anyway, I will try to find the motivation to start my essays. And I'm gonna keep watching movies (been a while). And I may start reading Naruto, but who knows? So many volumes to catch up to x_x
Yeah, there's my long entry for the week. Unless something cool happens in the next few days. Like I get to go outside and chill with people haha. Supposed to rain all week >_< mm...
But it's difficult. Mother woke me up this morning because the sprinklers had apparently been on for five hours D: (Water bill's gonna be high this month). And they're still leaking.
Mother believes that someone stuck their hand in through the mail slot in the garage to mess with the sprinkler system. I told her that did not happen because the settings are the same as always. Something's probably physically wrong with the sprinkler system. But she won't let go of the belief that someone's fuckin' with us.. -_-
I don't want to hear her paranoid conjectures anymore. I've been listening to them for a long time. I used to believe her. Now, not so much. Though, somewhere in my brain, I hear what-ifs. Then I tell myself, "No. Don't believe such crap. It's paranoia. There's no evidence." But I can't help wondering if she's right about those people.
I can feel the paranoia creep in. I don't wanna be like that. Don't wanna think like that about people I don't even know. But it's getting a lil harder. Especially when Mother starts talking about people I do know. Like my friends ): She hasn't been right about them often. But the few times she mentioned a negative trait that I'd also noticed, I just thought "What if she's been right about my other friends?"
Then I slap myself for being silly. But again, I can't help it. Egh, I wish I could push those stupid thoughts out of my mind. So hard to trust people when all I can think about is how they might hurt me or how they might be planning something to hurt my family. Conspiracies >_< that I know are not real.
Blahh. Enough about how much I dislike paranoia.
Resolutions.
I think I'm gonna stop making yearly resolutions. I feel too inadequate to fulfill them. Or I really need someone to make sure I make more realistic resolutions haha. Maybe I'll just make lists of things to keep in mind XP I feel like I'm giving up too easily. I lost my motivation for the resolutions pretty quickly this year haha.
Progress(?):
1. Follow: No anger. No complaints.
-I'm sure this was an unrealistic resolution. I'm still always angry and complaining -_- Quite pathetic. Though I don't complain about every little thing my family does now, I'm still complaining too much. Still complaining about myself haha.
2. Daily: Get out of bed by 0700.
-I do this on school days. I haven't been doing it on weekends ):
3. Daily: Meditate for 10 minutes.
-I never got started on this. Or it's an irregular activity.
4. Daily: Do 20 push-ups, 20 crunches, 20 chin-ups.
-I'm good with this. One of the few things I can keep up with.
5. Do a fitness activity at least twice a week.
-I'm scrapping this. Biking to and from the light rail station is good enough XP
6. Daily: Drink 1 bottle of water.
-I'm now not as consistent with this as I was in the first two months of the year haha.
7. Daily: Spend 3 extra hours max on the Internet.
-Most days, a success. Some days, people decide to talk to me on AIM. Though, I suppose doing my homework at the same time is ok haha.
8. Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
-Yay, French class. Vietnamese, I need to find someone to teach me XP
9. Choose a major by March 31.
-Working on this. I intend to decide by tomorrow night. For now, I'm pretty sure I'll at least minor in Philosophy, but that's as far as I've gotten.
10. Get a job by summertime.
-Not likely. None of the places I applied to online replied. I should probably apply in person. But I think now is a bit too late to apply for summer. And still no car, so I don't know how I'd get myself to work.
11. Do not doubt myself.
-I'm still not sure how I'm supposed to do this. Too vague, mm. How does one find confidence in oneself?
12. Prepare for and go to Anime Expo 2010.
-This may be a go. Not yet sure. Depends on if I wanna fork over $75 (or even $65) for a four-day weekend when it used to be just $55. Also depends on if I wanna spend money the hotel room. First need to find out when Maggie and her friends are going down to Anaheim because I may just replace AX with Disneyland haha.
13. Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone.
-Meh. No occasion to spend the night outside with anyone. Though, I'm sure one of my friends wants to go to Half Moon Bay for a night. Eh -shrug- If anyone wants to go somewhere outside for a night, invite me :P so we can watch the sunset or sunrise together :D
So which resolutions have I been doing well with?: 4 and 8 haha. #9 is going to be accomplished tomorrow -nods- The ones I'm kinda sticking to are #1, 2, 6, 7, and 12, I guess.
I feel so not happy that I'm not sticking to this list haha. But it doesn't feel all that important to me anymore. I think next year I'll just try to stick to two or three resolutions instead of long a list XP Long lists of resolutions, not so smart on my part haha. Can't focus on all of them.
I think I'm doing better with the list of non-resolutions:
+Learn how to play piano or guitar. [no]
+Talk to people more. Initiate more conversations. [kinda]
+Go out with friends weekly. [yeah]
+Don't drive too fast. Don't rush. [yeah]
+Be honest. Do not lie. [mm, yeah and no. I'm trying]
+Obsess less. Figure out more solutions. Make decisive decisions. [mm, no]
+Eat enough fruits and vegetable every day. [yeah]
+Avoid 80+ proof liquor. [hellz yeah]
+Go to SF Pride. Get a small group of friends to go. [not summer yet]
+Go to ST's 2010 graduation. [June hasn't arrived yet]
+Read all the novels suggested by friends. [waiting till May]
+Finish at least half the list of "Movies To Watch." [waiting till May]
+Have a horror/thriller movie marathon. [kinda, but next time with people haha]
+Go to a concert. [no]
+Hug more. [yes, shocking >_>]
+Wander through the city (any city). [no]
+Explore San Jose's Japantown. [no]
+Celebrate my birthday. [not yet]
Fulfilling and not fulfilling resolutions affects how I feel about myself as a person haha.. And I think labeling my resolutions makes them feel like obligations. I really don't like feeling obligated to do anything. I want to do things for myself because I want to, not because I am expected to. I should have thought about that. Now, I feel lame -_- haha.
Hmm, now that I'm thinking about things... I think I would prefer to go to Anaheim at the end of May instead of to Expo. I mean, I'm sure Jeisun and Andrew are probably going to Expo. I know Kat's not going. Who else would be going? Must reduce cost of hotel room for it to be worth it XP For Anaheim, Maggie's friend might have free tickets, right? Hmm... Aaand I've only been to Disneyland once when I was five, and that experience wasn't all that amazing. Would like to build a happy memory of Disneyland haha.
Either way, I wanna go down to SoCal this summer. Or well, anywhere that's more than a two-hour drive away really. I don't wanna stay in the Bay Area all summer again. So if Disneyland and Expo don't happen, I still wanna go somewhere. Just dunno where or with whom, hm.
Hmm, what else did I wanna say in this entry? Eh -shrug- Hm, I had to sleep in the living room today because Brother fell asleep in my room -_- Can't sleep with his snoring. Anyway, sleep was elusive. Went to bed at 0100. Head hurt. Kept waking up again. But I remember a dream where someone hugged me. I'm getting more hug dreams @_@ Whhyyy?
Spring Break is going slow and quick. Sad that most others' springs breaks were last week. So not many people to chill with this week. I've gotten a lot of homework done though, especially over the weekend and yesterday. But I still have my two essays to start >_> Should have started yesterday, but I ended up watching movies online. "Cube," "Cube 2: Hypercube," "Cube Zero," and "Thir13en Ghosts." First three were the ones that Brian L told me about. The last one, I've just enjoyed since it came out nine years ago. "Cube," interesting idea, poor execution, bad acting (haha I recognized the actress who played Leaven). Traps weren't as interesting as I thought they would be. But the first trap in "Cube Zero" was awesome. "Water!"
"Thir13en Ghosts" has always entertained me. Acting was ok. The ghosts look pretty awesome. Though, the big baby looks kinda gross. And the lawyer's death is pretty cool, and his post-death movement was a bit funny haha.
Anyway, I will try to find the motivation to start my essays. And I'm gonna keep watching movies (been a while). And I may start reading Naruto, but who knows? So many volumes to catch up to x_x
Yeah, there's my long entry for the week. Unless something cool happens in the next few days. Like I get to go outside and chill with people haha. Supposed to rain all week >_< mm...
Monday, February 15, 2010
First furlough day of the semester. Woot.
Not really "woot." Nothing too interesting happened today. So I'm just gonna think through my day -shrug-
Long, rambling entry follows... :P
I rode my bike to the light rail (finally). Didn't have to worry about crowding on the light rail because it was a furlough day, meaning no or few students. Haha I'm too weak to lift my bike up onto the racks XP I'll work on it. Then again, I've never seen anyone put their BMX on the rack. Those with BMX bikes seem to just stand with their bikes. So I think that's what I'll do from now on.
About a ten-minute ride to the light rail from the house. Also about a ten-minute ride from the Children's Discover Museum to campus. So I got to campus half an hour early, since I had gotten on the light rail at the usual time. I rode up to the Engineering Building because it's where my only morning class is. Took me five minutes to figure out how to put the U-lock on my bike XP
After that, I biked to a bench near the Event Center where the sun was supposed to shine soon after. Cold at 9 in the morning. Sat down and did homework for about two hours. Biked down to Bicycle Express with the intention of buying a headlight, but there was like a line of people in front O_O I didn't want to wait, so I headed back to campus (I'll buy it tomorrow). Sat at another bench and did more homework. Finished all that I brought with me by 11.
I went to Shiva's place because I didn't know what to do after all my homework was done. I hadn't brought a novel to read because I thought I wouldn't finish my homework early -_-
At Shiva's, I brought my bike up because it's safer for the bike that way. Though, I'm gonna go get the access key to the bike enclosures tomorrow (Quite a few things I must do tomorrow). Anyway, Kendo officer meeting, yaayy. Though, I don't know, errr I don't remember the names of the two naginata folks >_> I just know Brian and Shiva :P
Initially, I just sat on the sofa, did sudoku puzzles, and listened to music, occasionally listening in on the discussion. Some weird tangents, like a physics equation (FMA ftw! Only way I'll ever remember that tiny equation) O_o And some minor disagreements(?) between Brian and Shiva :O The other two and I just kept looking at each other like "Whoa >_> scary <_< intense >_<" haha. Wasn't too bad, but people were starting to sound a lil defensive. Yeaah.
I left. At 3. For French. Review for Interrogation #1 on Wednesday :P I kept coughing in class -_- Ugh, it was annoying. And seriously, nine people showed up today. Then again, apparently there are only thirteen students enrolled in this class. Hm.
After class, I went back to Shiva's to get my bike and head home. And yeah, I know, 5 PM is way too early to go home. It's sad, but I can't keep hangin' out late so much. Even if I did finish most of my homework <_<
First time I've biked since that one time with Robert B after senior year XP So dusty. Nostalgic. Very tiring. But at least I've been warming up (exercising) in the morning, so it wasn't too bad. I need to raise up the seat though. It's too low. Extra workout D:
Hmm, I hope this bike thing works out for the best. Yesterday, on the start of the new year, D gave the Cressida to Brother's friend because D felt the car was too dangerous to drive any longer and he didn't want to have to deal with junking the car himself. Haha yeah, when shit gets dangerous, you're supposed to let someone else deal with it :P
So D will now drive the Avalon. Mother should drive the Murano. But apparently, today, she waited till D was home from work to ask him to drive her to buy groceries -_- How disappointing. But yeah, this is how it goes. I now have my bike and the light rail, as long as my bike doesn't get jacked :D And Brother shall wait till August before he can get his license back and have enough money to get another car.
Oh, so apparently, I have enough financial aid money saved (from all four semesters combined) to buy a used car. Sadly, I can't make that decision.
Anyway, tomorrow, things I must do:
Buy headlight
Obtain access key to bike enclosures ($10 deposit?)
Obtain proof of financial aid and full-time status
Start essays haha
I feel like I'm forgetting something else I need to do tomorrow D: Damn it.
You know, I think Mr Reed's checklist habit really got to me. I've been making lists of homework, things I want, things I need, movies to watch, music to download, books to read, resolutions to accomplish, and more. Too many lists. And the only lists I've been going through are my homework lists -_- Most of my other lists are getting longer and longer D:
Resolutions, oh my.
1. Follow: No anger. No complaints.
-Struggling with this one :/ Though, yesterday and today have been all right.
2. Daily: Get out of bed by 0700.
-I'm good on school days haha. Weekends, I'm having some trouble getting up, but I do sometimes.
3. Daily: Meditate for 10 minutes.
-I haven't started. I'm trying, but I can't keep my head in it.
4. Daily: Do 20 push-ups, 20 crunches, 20 chin-ups.
+I'm actually keeping up with this. Yay. Well, with half chin-ups, or quarter chin-ups haha.
5. Do a fitness activity at least twice a week.
+It all started with a bicycle. Finally.
6. Daily: Drink 1 bottle of water.
+My daily intake of H2O has greatly improved :D
7. Daily: Spend 3 extra hours max on the Internet.
+For the most part, I've been homeworking while "socializing" online and whatnot :P
8. Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
+Yay for French class. It actually passes by pretty quickly for me. As for Vietnamese, I haven't had much opportunity to improve it yet.
9. Choose a major by March 31.
-I'm not sure how I would gauge the progress on this. Not sure there is progress. But I suppose, right now, I'm leaning toward Philosophy :O But I could just be saying that, so that I don't feel like I'm not getting anywhere >_>
10. Get a job by summertime.
-I've applied to a few places. No replies :(
11. Do not doubt myself.
-I haven't quite figured out how to do this yet.
12. Prepare for and go to Anime Expo 2010.
-This is being delayed. And sadly (though not unexpectedly), I probably won't cosplay, since I realize Alex will probably choose something that I haven't watched/read/played.
13. Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone.
-I've heard Mt Hamilton has a pretty nice view of the sunrise and sunset, though I'm sure it's very very cold. Hmm. Who has a car and wants to go? haha. And yeah, I'm totally serious about this resolution. I really wanna watch the sunrise/sunset with someone, preferably someone I really care about. But you know, romantic stuff like that doesn't happen to me XP so I'll settle for watching it with good friends ^_^
Ahh, I need to go to bed early. Way tired. Still wishing I updated about more important and interesting things. But I don't know what. I shall find something interesting to update about. Yeah.
Yay for wasting virtual space :P
Long, rambling entry follows... :P
I rode my bike to the light rail (finally). Didn't have to worry about crowding on the light rail because it was a furlough day, meaning no or few students. Haha I'm too weak to lift my bike up onto the racks XP I'll work on it. Then again, I've never seen anyone put their BMX on the rack. Those with BMX bikes seem to just stand with their bikes. So I think that's what I'll do from now on.
About a ten-minute ride to the light rail from the house. Also about a ten-minute ride from the Children's Discover Museum to campus. So I got to campus half an hour early, since I had gotten on the light rail at the usual time. I rode up to the Engineering Building because it's where my only morning class is. Took me five minutes to figure out how to put the U-lock on my bike XP
After that, I biked to a bench near the Event Center where the sun was supposed to shine soon after. Cold at 9 in the morning. Sat down and did homework for about two hours. Biked down to Bicycle Express with the intention of buying a headlight, but there was like a line of people in front O_O I didn't want to wait, so I headed back to campus (I'll buy it tomorrow). Sat at another bench and did more homework. Finished all that I brought with me by 11.
I went to Shiva's place because I didn't know what to do after all my homework was done. I hadn't brought a novel to read because I thought I wouldn't finish my homework early -_-
At Shiva's, I brought my bike up because it's safer for the bike that way. Though, I'm gonna go get the access key to the bike enclosures tomorrow (Quite a few things I must do tomorrow). Anyway, Kendo officer meeting, yaayy. Though, I don't know, errr I don't remember the names of the two naginata folks >_> I just know Brian and Shiva :P
Initially, I just sat on the sofa, did sudoku puzzles, and listened to music, occasionally listening in on the discussion. Some weird tangents, like a physics equation (FMA ftw! Only way I'll ever remember that tiny equation) O_o And some minor disagreements(?) between Brian and Shiva :O The other two and I just kept looking at each other like "Whoa >_> scary <_< intense >_<" haha. Wasn't too bad, but people were starting to sound a lil defensive. Yeaah.
I left. At 3. For French. Review for Interrogation #1 on Wednesday :P I kept coughing in class -_- Ugh, it was annoying. And seriously, nine people showed up today. Then again, apparently there are only thirteen students enrolled in this class. Hm.
After class, I went back to Shiva's to get my bike and head home. And yeah, I know, 5 PM is way too early to go home. It's sad, but I can't keep hangin' out late so much. Even if I did finish most of my homework <_<
First time I've biked since that one time with Robert B after senior year XP So dusty. Nostalgic. Very tiring. But at least I've been warming up (exercising) in the morning, so it wasn't too bad. I need to raise up the seat though. It's too low. Extra workout D:
Hmm, I hope this bike thing works out for the best. Yesterday, on the start of the new year, D gave the Cressida to Brother's friend because D felt the car was too dangerous to drive any longer and he didn't want to have to deal with junking the car himself. Haha yeah, when shit gets dangerous, you're supposed to let someone else deal with it :P
So D will now drive the Avalon. Mother should drive the Murano. But apparently, today, she waited till D was home from work to ask him to drive her to buy groceries -_- How disappointing. But yeah, this is how it goes. I now have my bike and the light rail, as long as my bike doesn't get jacked :D And Brother shall wait till August before he can get his license back and have enough money to get another car.
Oh, so apparently, I have enough financial aid money saved (from all four semesters combined) to buy a used car. Sadly, I can't make that decision.
Anyway, tomorrow, things I must do:
Buy headlight
Obtain access key to bike enclosures ($10 deposit?)
Obtain proof of financial aid and full-time status
Start essays haha
I feel like I'm forgetting something else I need to do tomorrow D: Damn it.
You know, I think Mr Reed's checklist habit really got to me. I've been making lists of homework, things I want, things I need, movies to watch, music to download, books to read, resolutions to accomplish, and more. Too many lists. And the only lists I've been going through are my homework lists -_- Most of my other lists are getting longer and longer D:
Resolutions, oh my.
1. Follow: No anger. No complaints.
-Struggling with this one :/ Though, yesterday and today have been all right.
2. Daily: Get out of bed by 0700.
-I'm good on school days haha. Weekends, I'm having some trouble getting up, but I do sometimes.
3. Daily: Meditate for 10 minutes.
-I haven't started. I'm trying, but I can't keep my head in it.
4. Daily: Do 20 push-ups, 20 crunches, 20 chin-ups.
+I'm actually keeping up with this. Yay. Well, with half chin-ups, or quarter chin-ups haha.
5. Do a fitness activity at least twice a week.
+It all started with a bicycle. Finally.
6. Daily: Drink 1 bottle of water.
+My daily intake of H2O has greatly improved :D
7. Daily: Spend 3 extra hours max on the Internet.
+For the most part, I've been homeworking while "socializing" online and whatnot :P
8. Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
+Yay for French class. It actually passes by pretty quickly for me. As for Vietnamese, I haven't had much opportunity to improve it yet.
9. Choose a major by March 31.
-I'm not sure how I would gauge the progress on this. Not sure there is progress. But I suppose, right now, I'm leaning toward Philosophy :O But I could just be saying that, so that I don't feel like I'm not getting anywhere >_>
10. Get a job by summertime.
-I've applied to a few places. No replies :(
11. Do not doubt myself.
-I haven't quite figured out how to do this yet.
12. Prepare for and go to Anime Expo 2010.
-This is being delayed. And sadly (though not unexpectedly), I probably won't cosplay, since I realize Alex will probably choose something that I haven't watched/read/played.
13. Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone.
-I've heard Mt Hamilton has a pretty nice view of the sunrise and sunset, though I'm sure it's very very cold. Hmm. Who has a car and wants to go? haha. And yeah, I'm totally serious about this resolution. I really wanna watch the sunrise/sunset with someone, preferably someone I really care about. But you know, romantic stuff like that doesn't happen to me XP so I'll settle for watching it with good friends ^_^
Ahh, I need to go to bed early. Way tired. Still wishing I updated about more important and interesting things. But I don't know what. I shall find something interesting to update about. Yeah.
Yay for wasting virtual space :P
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Day 2 of 2010
I would come up with creative titles for my entries, but you know my vault of creativity has been pretty much empty. I just have my moments.
Anyway, yesterday, I texted people to see who wanted to go ice skating, but it turns out a lot of people would be leaving for school today. Mm.. Sad.
So, as of now, Autumn and I are going to go hiking or something tomorrow. Maybe I should invite other people -shrug-
Monday with Jamila. Don't know what we're doing yet. But it will be fun :P I hope. I can get pretty boring, you know? We'll see what happens.
Didn't really do much today. Yesterday, I went to bed at 20h30 because I didn't know what to do without the computer. Woke up at 05h30 this morning (I need to get past this erratic sleep pattern soon -_-). Got up at 06h50. Did my push-ups, sit-ups, and chin-ups. I'm actually kinda sore from this >_< My calves hurt when I walk, and my stomach muscles ache when I cough or laugh. But, you know, I hope my morning routine sticks haha. I will be disappointed if I lose momentum. I still need to figure out what I'm gonna do twice a week. Mother's not fond of the idea of me going out in the morning to exercise. But I want to do it in the morning, so I can shower early. And I need to figure what I'm gonna do once school starts.
I also tried to meditate this morning, but Mother and D were talking too loud. I can't quite tune noises out just yet. I need to start with total silence. Maybe I should do that first thing in the morning. Or just before bed. Haven't decided. Anyway, at first, I just stared straight ahead and took deep breaths. Then Mother started talking. So I had to close my eyes. Tried not to concentrate on anything except my breath, but her voice was very pervasive.
I shall work on the meditation. Gradually, I will be able to focus -nods-
I haven't been drinking much water XP No water bottles in the house. Must bring them in from the garage. Or get water from the water dispenser, though I don't like the taste of it haha.
I'm also doing pretty well with the three-hour limit on the Internet. However, I still don't know what to do with myself. With all this free time, I'm kinda still just sitting around. Well, I read a lil. Watch a lil TV (first time at home in a couple months, I think). Think even more than usual. Obsess about what emails I might be missing haha (like FAFSA emails. Btw, I submitted mine yesterday ^_^ I'm so proud of myself, being ahead of the game haha).
Aaand I've gotten annoyed a few times yesterday and today -__- I'm trying really hard to let things slide, but ahh.. I hate that I'm so irritable now. I'm trying. Really, I am. I just don't know how to let things go -sigh- I need a break. I need a break from my family. Like a month-long break. It would be nice to get away from the greatest source of the anger, yeah? Mm...
Oh, so today, during breakfast, Mother told me that she is willing to pay for Expo again, this time including cosplay stuff if I decide to cosplay. I still haven't decided. Anyway, I'm pretty sure D talked her into it. He probably told her that I stay home too much, that I need to get out more with my friends. I dunno. And eh of course, right after that bit, she told me I had to graduate and take care of her.
Of course, I will. But I'm not doing it just because she's paying for Expo or whatever. She's my mom. I would never turn my back on my family, and I just wish she would stop saying it like it's my damn obligation. It is not my obligation. It will be my choice. But she wouldn't understand. If I told her it's not my obligation but my choice, she would freak out and say I'm a disrespectful [insert unkind words here].
Anyway, back to Expo... So if Alex and Jeisun get ideas, plans, and people together, I get to go with them :) Yay! 2005, 2007, 2008... now 2010. May be my last Expo trip. We'll see. Could be my last 'cuz I don't wanna keep wasting money on it XP especially if I'm not that big on anime or manga haha. Spending like $500+ each time, not good. Makes me as bad as Mother and Brother with money. However, I want to buy another (normal) sword :P So if we drive down to LA, I'm gonna buy me another weapon. Yes, I know they're not real, but it's ok. They're sharp enough ^_^ And really, I just like the hilt designs haha.
One day, I will own some real weapons (that I will learn to use). Just for kicks :3
Ooh, that reminds me. I really want Robert to teach me armed combat with short swords and whatnot. Ah, he was supposed to teach me last summer, but I barely left the house then -__- This year! It will happen.
Ah, what else? There was something else. I should write these things down. I'm always forgetting what I want to say -_-
Mm, for some reason, Owl City and Josh Groban are all I've been playing when driving lately. My driving music, hmm? Must be. Their songs are the only ones I'm in the mood for when I'm in the car. I find myself singing along, even when Brother is in the car :O At home, on the other hand, I listen to everything else. More Ne-Yo and Sherwood, more R&B and rock-ish music. Less singing along.
I don't know why I'm mentioning this. The music I've been listening to lately, the mood I've been in. They don't seem to match. Hm.
I feel like I'm thinking more yet less when I'm listening to music. I'm not sure how that makes sense to me, but it does.
Need distractions. Hip hop and rap. Major distraction there. Makes me sing along and think about the lyrics instead of other stuff haha. "Gangsta Luv." The shit right there :P
I feel like going back to the past. In my head. Not literally. Though, sometimes, I think it would be nice to see the past more clearly. Anyway, I'm headed back to sophomore year. Good times, new friends. And new experiences, I suppose >_> Freshman year, better times (in terms of the ratio between joy and experience, yeah). Gosh, you know, I miss freshman year when I didn't think about anything more than watching movies with friends and Brother and getting good grades. Sophomore year, things changed, people came and left, friends changed. Of course, everyone's always changing, but I just didn't notice until sophomore year. I don't know why. But I noticed more that year. Hmm.
Blahh... -____- I'm gonna get myself obsessed about the past. The people, the experiences, the feelings, everything. Whyy? I don't know. I just feel like it. Thinking about it. If you know why I'm doing this, please do tell. 'Cuz I seriously don't know why I do this to myself haha. Yeaah.
Ok, I think I've reached my three hours for today. Good night.
Anyway, yesterday, I texted people to see who wanted to go ice skating, but it turns out a lot of people would be leaving for school today. Mm.. Sad.
So, as of now, Autumn and I are going to go hiking or something tomorrow. Maybe I should invite other people -shrug-
Monday with Jamila. Don't know what we're doing yet. But it will be fun :P I hope. I can get pretty boring, you know? We'll see what happens.
Didn't really do much today. Yesterday, I went to bed at 20h30 because I didn't know what to do without the computer. Woke up at 05h30 this morning (I need to get past this erratic sleep pattern soon -_-). Got up at 06h50. Did my push-ups, sit-ups, and chin-ups. I'm actually kinda sore from this >_< My calves hurt when I walk, and my stomach muscles ache when I cough or laugh. But, you know, I hope my morning routine sticks haha. I will be disappointed if I lose momentum. I still need to figure out what I'm gonna do twice a week. Mother's not fond of the idea of me going out in the morning to exercise. But I want to do it in the morning, so I can shower early. And I need to figure what I'm gonna do once school starts.
I also tried to meditate this morning, but Mother and D were talking too loud. I can't quite tune noises out just yet. I need to start with total silence. Maybe I should do that first thing in the morning. Or just before bed. Haven't decided. Anyway, at first, I just stared straight ahead and took deep breaths. Then Mother started talking. So I had to close my eyes. Tried not to concentrate on anything except my breath, but her voice was very pervasive.
I shall work on the meditation. Gradually, I will be able to focus -nods-
I haven't been drinking much water XP No water bottles in the house. Must bring them in from the garage. Or get water from the water dispenser, though I don't like the taste of it haha.
I'm also doing pretty well with the three-hour limit on the Internet. However, I still don't know what to do with myself. With all this free time, I'm kinda still just sitting around. Well, I read a lil. Watch a lil TV (first time at home in a couple months, I think). Think even more than usual. Obsess about what emails I might be missing haha (like FAFSA emails. Btw, I submitted mine yesterday ^_^ I'm so proud of myself, being ahead of the game haha).
Aaand I've gotten annoyed a few times yesterday and today -__- I'm trying really hard to let things slide, but ahh.. I hate that I'm so irritable now. I'm trying. Really, I am. I just don't know how to let things go -sigh- I need a break. I need a break from my family. Like a month-long break. It would be nice to get away from the greatest source of the anger, yeah? Mm...
Oh, so today, during breakfast, Mother told me that she is willing to pay for Expo again, this time including cosplay stuff if I decide to cosplay. I still haven't decided. Anyway, I'm pretty sure D talked her into it. He probably told her that I stay home too much, that I need to get out more with my friends. I dunno. And eh of course, right after that bit, she told me I had to graduate and take care of her.
Of course, I will. But I'm not doing it just because she's paying for Expo or whatever. She's my mom. I would never turn my back on my family, and I just wish she would stop saying it like it's my damn obligation. It is not my obligation. It will be my choice. But she wouldn't understand. If I told her it's not my obligation but my choice, she would freak out and say I'm a disrespectful [insert unkind words here].
Anyway, back to Expo... So if Alex and Jeisun get ideas, plans, and people together, I get to go with them :) Yay! 2005, 2007, 2008... now 2010. May be my last Expo trip. We'll see. Could be my last 'cuz I don't wanna keep wasting money on it XP especially if I'm not that big on anime or manga haha. Spending like $500+ each time, not good. Makes me as bad as Mother and Brother with money. However, I want to buy another (normal) sword :P So if we drive down to LA, I'm gonna buy me another weapon. Yes, I know they're not real, but it's ok. They're sharp enough ^_^ And really, I just like the hilt designs haha.
One day, I will own some real weapons (that I will learn to use). Just for kicks :3
Ooh, that reminds me. I really want Robert to teach me armed combat with short swords and whatnot. Ah, he was supposed to teach me last summer, but I barely left the house then -__- This year! It will happen.
Ah, what else? There was something else. I should write these things down. I'm always forgetting what I want to say -_-
Mm, for some reason, Owl City and Josh Groban are all I've been playing when driving lately. My driving music, hmm? Must be. Their songs are the only ones I'm in the mood for when I'm in the car. I find myself singing along, even when Brother is in the car :O At home, on the other hand, I listen to everything else. More Ne-Yo and Sherwood, more R&B and rock-ish music. Less singing along.
I don't know why I'm mentioning this. The music I've been listening to lately, the mood I've been in. They don't seem to match. Hm.
I feel like I'm thinking more yet less when I'm listening to music. I'm not sure how that makes sense to me, but it does.
Need distractions. Hip hop and rap. Major distraction there. Makes me sing along and think about the lyrics instead of other stuff haha. "Gangsta Luv." The shit right there :P
I feel like going back to the past. In my head. Not literally. Though, sometimes, I think it would be nice to see the past more clearly. Anyway, I'm headed back to sophomore year. Good times, new friends. And new experiences, I suppose >_> Freshman year, better times (in terms of the ratio between joy and experience, yeah). Gosh, you know, I miss freshman year when I didn't think about anything more than watching movies with friends and Brother and getting good grades. Sophomore year, things changed, people came and left, friends changed. Of course, everyone's always changing, but I just didn't notice until sophomore year. I don't know why. But I noticed more that year. Hmm.
Blahh... -____- I'm gonna get myself obsessed about the past. The people, the experiences, the feelings, everything. Whyy? I don't know. I just feel like it. Thinking about it. If you know why I'm doing this, please do tell. 'Cuz I seriously don't know why I do this to myself haha. Yeaah.
Ok, I think I've reached my three hours for today. Good night.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Official 2010 Resolutions + Extras
Here's the final list:
2010 Resolutions:
1. Follow: No anger. No complaints.
2. Daily: Get out of bed by 0700.
3. Daily: Meditate for 10 minutes.
4. Daily: Do 20 push-ups, 20 crunches, 20 chin-ups.
5. Do a fitness activity at least twice a week.
6. Daily: Drink 1 bottle of water.
7. Daily: Spend 3 extra hours max on the Internet.
8. Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
9. Choose a major by March 31.
10. Get a job by summertime.
11. Do not doubt myself.
12. Prepare for and go to Anime Expo 2010.
13. Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone.
Whatever conditions I may have mentioned in the previous resolution entry still apply. The list is just simplified. I feel like adding in other things I want to do next year, but they're not as important as these things on the list are. Yes, the last two items are totally important to me :3 Maybe I'll make an auxiliary list of things to do for next year. Not resolutions, but just things to keep in mind. If I can do them, I'll do them. If not, no worries. Could add all the stuff that didn't get onto the 2010 list :D
+Learn how to play piano or guitar.
+Talk to people more. Initiate more conversations.
+Go out with friends weekly.
+Don't drive too fast. Don't rush.
+Be honest. Do not lie.
+Obsess less. Figure out more solutions. Make decisive decisions.
+Eat enough fruits and vegetable every day.
+Avoid 80+ proof liquor (This should be easy, so I shouldn't make it a resolution).
+Go to SF Pride. Get a small group of friends to go (more than just Brian and Trung XP).
+Go to ST's 2010 graduation (not gonna miss the next two).
+Read all the novels suggested by friends (Give me suggestions!).
+Finish at least half the list of "Movies To Watch."
+Have a horror/thriller movie marathon.
+Go to a concert.
+Hug more. For real this time (I know I didn't really take this resolution seriously in previous years).
+Wander through the city (any city).
+Explore San Jose's Japantown (because I haven't yet >_> and apparently, I should).
+Celebrate my birthday (with a party? Such a crazy thought that it probably won't happen, but it's a nice thought, isn't it?).
I don't know why I don't just keep everything as a "thing to keep in mind" instead of making a list of resolutions and an auxiliary list. I'm just weird :P I suppose I want short-term goals, things I really want to try/do. I want to make myself work toward something, and making resolutions actually gets me to do things, even if they're only small things. But some things I want to achieve are just too much or too silly for me to include as a resolution XP Or they're just things that people have "promised" to do with me.
Anyway, yeah, you now have my list. You can encourage me to stick to it and actually finish the list :P No faltering. If I falter, you should smack/kick me and keep me going. Seriously.
For the auxiliary list, if you have anything I should add, feel free to tell me. And accomplish the stuff with me, won't ya? I mean, you could probably teach me something, remind me not to go over 80 mph, keep the liquor away, sit with me during the graduation ceremony, watch horrors/thrillers with me, go to a concert with me, show me new places, etc etc.... It would be awesome if you did that for me :) I'd appreciate it. I don't think I could do much of these alone. Well, I could, but I wouldn't.
-sigh- If anyone's really reading this, lemme know you support me ^_^ I suppose I really just want someone to know what I'm doing and to keep me going. Just keep pushing me. But ah, that's a bit much to ask because I know you guys are busy. So, just keep spiritually supporting me haha...
2010 Resolutions:
1. Follow: No anger. No complaints.
2. Daily: Get out of bed by 0700.
3. Daily: Meditate for 10 minutes.
4. Daily: Do 20 push-ups, 20 crunches, 20 chin-ups.
5. Do a fitness activity at least twice a week.
6. Daily: Drink 1 bottle of water.
7. Daily: Spend 3 extra hours max on the Internet.
8. Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
9. Choose a major by March 31.
10. Get a job by summertime.
11. Do not doubt myself.
12. Prepare for and go to Anime Expo 2010.
13. Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone.
Whatever conditions I may have mentioned in the previous resolution entry still apply. The list is just simplified. I feel like adding in other things I want to do next year, but they're not as important as these things on the list are. Yes, the last two items are totally important to me :3 Maybe I'll make an auxiliary list of things to do for next year. Not resolutions, but just things to keep in mind. If I can do them, I'll do them. If not, no worries. Could add all the stuff that didn't get onto the 2010 list :D
+Learn how to play piano or guitar.
+Talk to people more. Initiate more conversations.
+Go out with friends weekly.
+Don't drive too fast. Don't rush.
+Be honest. Do not lie.
+Obsess less. Figure out more solutions. Make decisive decisions.
+Eat enough fruits and vegetable every day.
+Avoid 80+ proof liquor (This should be easy, so I shouldn't make it a resolution).
+Go to SF Pride. Get a small group of friends to go (more than just Brian and Trung XP).
+Go to ST's 2010 graduation (not gonna miss the next two).
+Read all the novels suggested by friends (Give me suggestions!).
+Finish at least half the list of "Movies To Watch."
+Have a horror/thriller movie marathon.
+Go to a concert.
+Hug more. For real this time (I know I didn't really take this resolution seriously in previous years).
+Wander through the city (any city).
+Explore San Jose's Japantown (because I haven't yet >_> and apparently, I should).
+Celebrate my birthday (with a party? Such a crazy thought that it probably won't happen, but it's a nice thought, isn't it?).
I don't know why I don't just keep everything as a "thing to keep in mind" instead of making a list of resolutions and an auxiliary list. I'm just weird :P I suppose I want short-term goals, things I really want to try/do. I want to make myself work toward something, and making resolutions actually gets me to do things, even if they're only small things. But some things I want to achieve are just too much or too silly for me to include as a resolution XP Or they're just things that people have "promised" to do with me.
Anyway, yeah, you now have my list. You can encourage me to stick to it and actually finish the list :P No faltering. If I falter, you should smack/kick me and keep me going. Seriously.
For the auxiliary list, if you have anything I should add, feel free to tell me. And accomplish the stuff with me, won't ya? I mean, you could probably teach me something, remind me not to go over 80 mph, keep the liquor away, sit with me during the graduation ceremony, watch horrors/thrillers with me, go to a concert with me, show me new places, etc etc.... It would be awesome if you did that for me :) I'd appreciate it. I don't think I could do much of these alone. Well, I could, but I wouldn't.
-sigh- If anyone's really reading this, lemme know you support me ^_^ I suppose I really just want someone to know what I'm doing and to keep me going. Just keep pushing me. But ah, that's a bit much to ask because I know you guys are busy. So, just keep spiritually supporting me haha...
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Less than two weeks till the new decade starts...
So, as you already know, I'm not much of a Christmas person (errr well, holiday person). But I try to be cheerful and whatnot around this time of the year just because I should. It's nice to end the year happily and all, you know?
I never really give gifts because I don't make any money. And I find it pathetic to use my family's money to get gifts for them. Plus, I never know what to get for anyone. Mother and Brother like expensive, "pretty" or "cool" things. I am not a good judge of any of that XP
I don't even know what kind of gifts to give to my friends. How sad. What do you guys want? For now, all I can give you are hugs. The real kind, I promise. Or well, I'll try ^_^;
Me, you already have my short list from one of my October entries. But I think Brother will probably buy a few of those for me. Even though, he should be saving up his money -_- but he won't listen to me..
You know, I kinda miss having a Christmas tree to decorate. It's been like four years since we gave away our fake tree. Ever since then, it feels like Christmas is just another day to get through, especially since we don't celebrate it in the first place.
Before reaching my teen years, I used to be excited for Christmas. Anticipating the morning during which Brother and I would rip open our presents and be proud of the gifts that we believed we deserved. Having no idea how much these moments meant to the adults who watched over us. Just an overall good, united(?) feeling.
Nowadays, it feels like it doesn't really matter. Gift-giving is so... obligatory. Even when we don't have enough money to buy all this stuff. I don't know why, but none of the holiday spirit feels the same anymore.
I think I feel this way because none of them listen to me. I say I don't want anything, but they force me to get things I don't need. If I don't choose anything, they'll get angry and call me ungrateful. But I am grateful for their generosity, their love, and all that good stuff. I just don't want to feel like I'm forced to be grateful. And really, what I want for Christmas is for all of us to be together and just talk. But we don't really do that anymore. We haven't done that. We never really talk. And I would imagine that if we try now, it would be very awkward and whatever. After so many years of this, I'm not sure we could ever start doing that.
So for now, I'll settle for our happy little ways of enjoying the holidays through materialism. Brother can go buy all the gifts he wants to buy for us. Mother can buy all the Buche de Noel she wants. We won't talk; we won't get to know each other. We'll just settle for what we see on the surface. And you know it's been good for us all these years. A few more years of it shouldn't hurt.
Ahaha, so negative. I can't stay away from the negative. Really, I don't know if I like Christmas. It's just another day. I don't know what's so special about it. I want it to feel special, but it doesn't. I think I only like it a lil bit because it means only a week is left in the year. The new year then comes around, and I can "start over." Fresh. Or as fresh as possible. Fresh mind, fresh thoughts, fresh goals. Nothing to bog me down because I let everything from the past year go. For the most part. And, you know, the new year just makes me want to be a new person. Kinda. It's silly, but going into a new year feels like getting a new chance.
Of course, that's all in my head. I'll still be the same person. Just working on new resolutions and whatnot. Starting the year off with high hopes that slowly dwindle as the year passes. Until the next year starts. I guess you could say going into a new year is like getting an HP boost haha. Hm.
Anyway, here are my potential resolutions for 2010. I'm just gonna list them out here and explain them, so that I remember why I want to do these things in the first place. Then I'll eliminate some and re-list the rest, so it will be easier for me to remember and more probable that I'll accomplish them :P I might do the print-and-carry thing again.
+Drink one bottle of water a day.
- I need to get healthy. Been drinking too much juice this past year.
+Get a job.
- I need to take care of myself instead of relying on my family for everything. Slowly become more independent this way, yes?
+Choose a major.
- I feel like I'm wasting time in college. So I'm hoping I can decide on a major by March. I don't want to waste any more time.
+Meditate for 10 minutes daily.
- I need to de-stress. Yes, I do stress, even if I don't act like I do. I should figure out when the best time to do this is.
+Do __ push-ups, __ crunches, __ chin-ups every day.
+Do a daily physical activity: Jog a mile. Walk. Bike. Swim. Skate. Do weight training. Skateboard.
- Again, healthy stuff. Need to add in numbers. Though, I'm pretty sure I won't get the chin-ups right for a while XP I'll need assistance haha. And maybe not a daily physical activity XP More like at least twice a week haha.
+Spend a maximum of __ hours on AIM per day.
- I've been on AIM every day for the past two months. And I talk to two or three people on AIM now, or I'm usually away. I need to be more productive and to not log on at all haha.
+Spend a maximum of __ hours on the Internet per day.
- I find myself playing games too often. I would rather read or sleep, but the Internet is just so damn tempting. I need to be stricter about how long I stay on the computer. This year, I was somewhat successful. Well, at least during the first half of the year XP And I should decide if watching movies and TV shows online counts or is excluded. Of course, this time limit excludes the time I spend online for homework.
+Go to Anime Expo 2010.
- I want to go at least one more time. Plus, it's like the only time I could ever travel anywhere with friends. Aaand I would get to see some SoCal friends :D because some of them are planning on going next year.
+Learn how to play piano or guitar.
- I want a musical hobby. I just need to get an instrument first. Or use someone else's. And for this year, I can settle for learning notes, chords, sight reading, and simple songs.
+Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
- I want to be trilingual ^_^ I'm gonna take French 1A next semester. And I'll probably ask D or a friend to teach me some Viet haha. Better French accent, broader Viet vocabulary. Really, I just want to at least get better at writing, reading, and aurally understanding both languages.
+Get out of bed by 0700 every day.
- Just furthering one of this year's resolutions (become a morning person). I want to feel productive, and getting up early helps me feel that way.
+Achieve: No anger. No Complaints.
- I've been very angry for a while now. That needs to change. I need to learn how to let go. For real.
+Avoid hard liquor.
- I don't want to get sick every time I go to a party XP Never good. No control. I'll stick to either sobriety or the weak alc from now on.
+Talk to people.
- I need to start the conversation with more people. I'm always waiting for people to talk to me. I can't keep waiting like this.
+Go out with friends weekly.
- I just can't be stuck at home all the time. If I keep doing what I've been doing this semester, I should be ok.
+Eat two servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
- Again, heeeaaalthy.
+Don't drive too fast. Don't rush.
- I want to avoid car crashes. At least those that would probably be caused by me.
+Do not doubt myself.
- I'm not sure how I'll pull this off, but I'm sure I hold myself back a lot, too much, too often. I need to have courage haha.
+Be honest.
- I've tried this once or twice before. Not completely successful. At least not with family. I just need courage. I wanna be like John Gotti :P "I never lie because I don't fear anyone. You only lie when you're afraid." Quite true.
+Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone (from atop a building/hill/something tall).
- I just wanna see an unobstructed sunrise/sunset to admire its beauty and whatnot. And I don't want to be alone.
+Obsess less.
- I've been thinking too much for a while. I can't keep my head on straight. No focus. Couldn't concentrate on what little homework I had at the end of semester. Need a clearer head. Less weight and all that.
I feel these are achievable. I just need to figure out how to achieve some of them. Any help from you would be greatly appreciated :)
Anyone wanna teach me anything, like how to rollerblade or skateboard?
2010 Resolutions simplified:
1. Follow: No anger. No Complaints.
2. Get out of bed by 0700 every day.
3. Meditate for 10 minutes daily.
4. Do 20 push-ups, 20 crunches, 20 chin-ups per day.
5. Do a physical activity at least twice a week.
6. Drink a bottle of water a day.
7. Eat two servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
8. Spend a maximum of 3 hours on the Internet/AIM per day.
9. Avoid liquor that is 80 proof or greater.
10. Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
11. Do not doubt myself.
12. Choose a major by March 31.
13. Get a job by summertime.
14. Prepare for and go to Anime Expo 2010.
15. Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone.
Simple enough
Doubtful
Very doubtful
Still a lot of resolutions, yeah? I can't help it. At least there are fewer this year. I hope I can make these work. I might edit the list one more time another day. But for now, this is it. They're not listed by priority this time. I think I just put all the daily/gradual stuff first and the rest last.
I had so much trouble thinking of things, but then I thought of a lot eventually XP Simple things really. I'm just not sure if I can keep myself motivated enough to stick to them.
Yeaah. Wooo, I spent three hours on this resolution thing. I have no life XP Well, I'm trying to make mine better a lil bit haha.
Ok, now I should be off to finish the rest of my to-do list for today, yaayyy.
I never really give gifts because I don't make any money. And I find it pathetic to use my family's money to get gifts for them. Plus, I never know what to get for anyone. Mother and Brother like expensive, "pretty" or "cool" things. I am not a good judge of any of that XP
I don't even know what kind of gifts to give to my friends. How sad. What do you guys want? For now, all I can give you are hugs. The real kind, I promise. Or well, I'll try ^_^;
Me, you already have my short list from one of my October entries. But I think Brother will probably buy a few of those for me. Even though, he should be saving up his money -_- but he won't listen to me..
You know, I kinda miss having a Christmas tree to decorate. It's been like four years since we gave away our fake tree. Ever since then, it feels like Christmas is just another day to get through, especially since we don't celebrate it in the first place.
Before reaching my teen years, I used to be excited for Christmas. Anticipating the morning during which Brother and I would rip open our presents and be proud of the gifts that we believed we deserved. Having no idea how much these moments meant to the adults who watched over us. Just an overall good, united(?) feeling.
Nowadays, it feels like it doesn't really matter. Gift-giving is so... obligatory. Even when we don't have enough money to buy all this stuff. I don't know why, but none of the holiday spirit feels the same anymore.
I think I feel this way because none of them listen to me. I say I don't want anything, but they force me to get things I don't need. If I don't choose anything, they'll get angry and call me ungrateful. But I am grateful for their generosity, their love, and all that good stuff. I just don't want to feel like I'm forced to be grateful. And really, what I want for Christmas is for all of us to be together and just talk. But we don't really do that anymore. We haven't done that. We never really talk. And I would imagine that if we try now, it would be very awkward and whatever. After so many years of this, I'm not sure we could ever start doing that.
So for now, I'll settle for our happy little ways of enjoying the holidays through materialism. Brother can go buy all the gifts he wants to buy for us. Mother can buy all the Buche de Noel she wants. We won't talk; we won't get to know each other. We'll just settle for what we see on the surface. And you know it's been good for us all these years. A few more years of it shouldn't hurt.
Ahaha, so negative. I can't stay away from the negative. Really, I don't know if I like Christmas. It's just another day. I don't know what's so special about it. I want it to feel special, but it doesn't. I think I only like it a lil bit because it means only a week is left in the year. The new year then comes around, and I can "start over." Fresh. Or as fresh as possible. Fresh mind, fresh thoughts, fresh goals. Nothing to bog me down because I let everything from the past year go. For the most part. And, you know, the new year just makes me want to be a new person. Kinda. It's silly, but going into a new year feels like getting a new chance.
Of course, that's all in my head. I'll still be the same person. Just working on new resolutions and whatnot. Starting the year off with high hopes that slowly dwindle as the year passes. Until the next year starts. I guess you could say going into a new year is like getting an HP boost haha. Hm.
Anyway, here are my potential resolutions for 2010. I'm just gonna list them out here and explain them, so that I remember why I want to do these things in the first place. Then I'll eliminate some and re-list the rest, so it will be easier for me to remember and more probable that I'll accomplish them :P I might do the print-and-carry thing again.
+Drink one bottle of water a day.
- I need to get healthy. Been drinking too much juice this past year.
+Get a job.
- I need to take care of myself instead of relying on my family for everything. Slowly become more independent this way, yes?
+Choose a major.
- I feel like I'm wasting time in college. So I'm hoping I can decide on a major by March. I don't want to waste any more time.
+Meditate for 10 minutes daily.
- I need to de-stress. Yes, I do stress, even if I don't act like I do. I should figure out when the best time to do this is.
+Do __ push-ups, __ crunches, __ chin-ups every day.
+Do a daily physical activity: Jog a mile. Walk. Bike. Swim. Skate. Do weight training. Skateboard.
- Again, healthy stuff. Need to add in numbers. Though, I'm pretty sure I won't get the chin-ups right for a while XP I'll need assistance haha. And maybe not a daily physical activity XP More like at least twice a week haha.
+Spend a maximum of __ hours on AIM per day.
- I've been on AIM every day for the past two months. And I talk to two or three people on AIM now, or I'm usually away. I need to be more productive and to not log on at all haha.
+Spend a maximum of __ hours on the Internet per day.
- I find myself playing games too often. I would rather read or sleep, but the Internet is just so damn tempting. I need to be stricter about how long I stay on the computer. This year, I was somewhat successful. Well, at least during the first half of the year XP And I should decide if watching movies and TV shows online counts or is excluded. Of course, this time limit excludes the time I spend online for homework.
+Go to Anime Expo 2010.
- I want to go at least one more time. Plus, it's like the only time I could ever travel anywhere with friends. Aaand I would get to see some SoCal friends :D because some of them are planning on going next year.
+Learn how to play piano or guitar.
- I want a musical hobby. I just need to get an instrument first. Or use someone else's. And for this year, I can settle for learning notes, chords, sight reading, and simple songs.
+Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
- I want to be trilingual ^_^ I'm gonna take French 1A next semester. And I'll probably ask D or a friend to teach me some Viet haha. Better French accent, broader Viet vocabulary. Really, I just want to at least get better at writing, reading, and aurally understanding both languages.
+Get out of bed by 0700 every day.
- Just furthering one of this year's resolutions (become a morning person). I want to feel productive, and getting up early helps me feel that way.
+Achieve: No anger. No Complaints.
- I've been very angry for a while now. That needs to change. I need to learn how to let go. For real.
+Avoid hard liquor.
- I don't want to get sick every time I go to a party XP Never good. No control. I'll stick to either sobriety or the weak alc from now on.
+Talk to people.
- I need to start the conversation with more people. I'm always waiting for people to talk to me. I can't keep waiting like this.
+Go out with friends weekly.
- I just can't be stuck at home all the time. If I keep doing what I've been doing this semester, I should be ok.
+Eat two servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
- Again, heeeaaalthy.
+Don't drive too fast. Don't rush.
- I want to avoid car crashes. At least those that would probably be caused by me.
+Do not doubt myself.
- I'm not sure how I'll pull this off, but I'm sure I hold myself back a lot, too much, too often. I need to have courage haha.
+Be honest.
- I've tried this once or twice before. Not completely successful. At least not with family. I just need courage. I wanna be like John Gotti :P "I never lie because I don't fear anyone. You only lie when you're afraid." Quite true.
+Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone (from atop a building/hill/something tall).
- I just wanna see an unobstructed sunrise/sunset to admire its beauty and whatnot. And I don't want to be alone.
+Obsess less.
- I've been thinking too much for a while. I can't keep my head on straight. No focus. Couldn't concentrate on what little homework I had at the end of semester. Need a clearer head. Less weight and all that.
I feel these are achievable. I just need to figure out how to achieve some of them. Any help from you would be greatly appreciated :)
Anyone wanna teach me anything, like how to rollerblade or skateboard?
2010 Resolutions simplified:
1. Follow: No anger. No Complaints.
2. Get out of bed by 0700 every day.
3. Meditate for 10 minutes daily.
4. Do 20 push-ups, 20 crunches, 20 chin-ups per day.
5. Do a physical activity at least twice a week.
6. Drink a bottle of water a day.
7. Eat two servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
8. Spend a maximum of 3 hours on the Internet/AIM per day.
9. Avoid liquor that is 80 proof or greater.
10. Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
11. Do not doubt myself.
12. Choose a major by March 31.
13. Get a job by summertime.
14. Prepare for and go to Anime Expo 2010.
15. Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone.
Simple enough
Doubtful
Very doubtful
Still a lot of resolutions, yeah? I can't help it. At least there are fewer this year. I hope I can make these work. I might edit the list one more time another day. But for now, this is it. They're not listed by priority this time. I think I just put all the daily/gradual stuff first and the rest last.
I had so much trouble thinking of things, but then I thought of a lot eventually XP Simple things really. I'm just not sure if I can keep myself motivated enough to stick to them.
Yeaah. Wooo, I spent three hours on this resolution thing. I have no life XP Well, I'm trying to make mine better a lil bit haha.
Ok, now I should be off to finish the rest of my to-do list for today, yaayyy.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
I've accomplished a few things in 2009
They're not big things to you, but they're important enough to me :) haha.
This year has been moving along pretty quickly. I must be enjoying myself a lot more than I thought I would. I've made many more friends this semester (Fall '09) than I did the first two semesters of college combined. I've gone out more often this year (at least once a month). Gradually, I'll be out chillaxing with people weekly.
I know the year's not over yet, but I'm already thinking about the resolutions I had set for myself this year. Did I accomplish many? Let's see:
Accomplished/Nearly Accomplished/Accomplishing
Discarded/Hopeless/Pointless
Failed/Failing
Unsure/Too ambiguous to determine
1. Choose a major.
2. Meditate at least 15 minutes a day.
3. Hug at least 1 person a day.
4. Compliment someone at least once a week.
5. Get a job.
6. Reduce my extra time on the desktop to 15hrs/wk.
7. Renew and use my library card.
8. Go out with friends at least once every month.
9. Limit myself to 4 sodas a month.
10. Start a new blog.
11. Make at least one YouTube video.
12. Try a different hairstyle.
13. Utilize the on-campus fitness facilities.
14. Learn how to play a new instrument.
15. Cosplay for Anime Expo 2009.
16. Remain calm in all situations.
17. Stop lying about stupid things.
18. Reconnect and keep in touch with friends.
19. Learn how to read and write Vietnamese well.
20. Become a morning person.
21. Complain less.
22. Stop bringing myself down with my own words.
23. Smile more.
Of course, I still have two months to accomplished the "failing" resolutions, but, really, am I going to? I've lost my momentum/will.
#22 is debatable haha. But I feel like I've been a lot more positive about myself this year. Still feeling down about some things, but they haven't stopped me from doing whatever it is I do. #21 is debatable as well, but this year has been full of family drama. So I couldn't help but complain when I did. But again, I think I complained less often this year :P
#17, I couldn't decide which things were stupid to lie about. Should have just made it "Don't lie about anything," but I'm too flawed to tell the truth all the time. Maybe next year, I'll do better with that resolution, since I won't have to lie about drinking :P Seriously, I think that's all I really lied to her about this year. Well, other than about hanging out with a bunch of gay friends XP But hanging out with friends is not a stupid thing to lie about, especially if we don't do anything stupid haha.
Anyway, #1, 2, 5, 11, 13, 14, and 19 are still achievable by the end of the year. That's positive thinking. Let's see if I can add any accomplishments in the next two months :D haha.
So for next year, I will try to make my list shorter. So it will be more probable that I complete the list. If I don't get any of the "failing" resolutions this year, I might add them to next year's list :P
What else should I add to my 2010 resolutions?
-Cosplay for AX 2010? I plan to go next year. Hopefully, I can. Cosplay: Code Geass, since that's what Alex D and Jeisun wanna do. That's why I started watching the anime a few days ago. Forty-something more episodes to go. If I don't manage to cosplay, I'll wear the Mokona hat again and carry around a Free Hugs sign/wear my Free Hugs shirt. I'm pretty sure Mokona loves hugs, yeah?
-Fall in love? Hahaha because people keep asking me if I've dated yet -__- They think that, because they haven't seen me in months, I've finally grown up and got serious with someone. Ahaha, on one level, that's kinda insulting. On others, I wish I could say yes.
-Don't drink alcohol? That's not too hard. I don't even need to make that a resolution, do I? Maybe I should, just in case >_>
-Join an activity? I need to get active. I know I do. I'm home too much, sitting around, playing on the computer, or reading. I want to find a hobby. It would be nice. Good way to socialize, yeah?
-Daydream less? I feel like these past couple of years, all I do is daydream, wishing I was better/smarter/stronger than I really am. I need to face reality. My idealism gets in the way XP
I'll think of more possible resolutions later. Now, Amy G is gonna pick me up, and we're gonna go eat In N Out with Stephanie H. Mini-birthday celebration haha. Why fast food? Because I'm cheap and I don't like eating in restaurants haha.
Anyway, lots of homework this weekend. Fun stuff. Will probably be home all weekend. Don't know what else to do. Hmm.
This year has been moving along pretty quickly. I must be enjoying myself a lot more than I thought I would. I've made many more friends this semester (Fall '09) than I did the first two semesters of college combined. I've gone out more often this year (at least once a month). Gradually, I'll be out chillaxing with people weekly.
I know the year's not over yet, but I'm already thinking about the resolutions I had set for myself this year. Did I accomplish many? Let's see:
Accomplished/Nearly Accomplished/Accomplishing
Discarded/Hopeless/Pointless
Failed/Failing
Unsure/Too ambiguous to determine
1. Choose a major.
2. Meditate at least 15 minutes a day.
3. Hug at least 1 person a day.
4. Compliment someone at least once a week.
5. Get a job.
6. Reduce my extra time on the desktop to 15hrs/wk.
7. Renew and use my library card.
8. Go out with friends at least once every month.
9. Limit myself to 4 sodas a month.
10. Start a new blog.
11. Make at least one YouTube video.
12. Try a different hairstyle.
13. Utilize the on-campus fitness facilities.
14. Learn how to play a new instrument.
15. Cosplay for Anime Expo 2009.
16. Remain calm in all situations.
17. Stop lying about stupid things.
18. Reconnect and keep in touch with friends.
19. Learn how to read and write Vietnamese well.
20. Become a morning person.
21. Complain less.
22. Stop bringing myself down with my own words.
23. Smile more.
Of course, I still have two months to accomplished the "failing" resolutions, but, really, am I going to? I've lost my momentum/will.
#22 is debatable haha. But I feel like I've been a lot more positive about myself this year. Still feeling down about some things, but they haven't stopped me from doing whatever it is I do. #21 is debatable as well, but this year has been full of family drama. So I couldn't help but complain when I did. But again, I think I complained less often this year :P
#17, I couldn't decide which things were stupid to lie about. Should have just made it "Don't lie about anything," but I'm too flawed to tell the truth all the time. Maybe next year, I'll do better with that resolution, since I won't have to lie about drinking :P Seriously, I think that's all I really lied to her about this year. Well, other than about hanging out with a bunch of gay friends XP But hanging out with friends is not a stupid thing to lie about, especially if we don't do anything stupid haha.
Anyway, #1, 2, 5, 11, 13, 14, and 19 are still achievable by the end of the year. That's positive thinking. Let's see if I can add any accomplishments in the next two months :D haha.
So for next year, I will try to make my list shorter. So it will be more probable that I complete the list. If I don't get any of the "failing" resolutions this year, I might add them to next year's list :P
What else should I add to my 2010 resolutions?
-Cosplay for AX 2010? I plan to go next year. Hopefully, I can. Cosplay: Code Geass, since that's what Alex D and Jeisun wanna do. That's why I started watching the anime a few days ago. Forty-something more episodes to go. If I don't manage to cosplay, I'll wear the Mokona hat again and carry around a Free Hugs sign/wear my Free Hugs shirt. I'm pretty sure Mokona loves hugs, yeah?
-Fall in love? Hahaha because people keep asking me if I've dated yet -__- They think that, because they haven't seen me in months, I've finally grown up and got serious with someone. Ahaha, on one level, that's kinda insulting. On others, I wish I could say yes.
-Don't drink alcohol? That's not too hard. I don't even need to make that a resolution, do I? Maybe I should, just in case >_>
-Join an activity? I need to get active. I know I do. I'm home too much, sitting around, playing on the computer, or reading. I want to find a hobby. It would be nice. Good way to socialize, yeah?
-Daydream less? I feel like these past couple of years, all I do is daydream, wishing I was better/smarter/stronger than I really am. I need to face reality. My idealism gets in the way XP
I'll think of more possible resolutions later. Now, Amy G is gonna pick me up, and we're gonna go eat In N Out with Stephanie H. Mini-birthday celebration haha. Why fast food? Because I'm cheap and I don't like eating in restaurants haha.
Anyway, lots of homework this weekend. Fun stuff. Will probably be home all weekend. Don't know what else to do. Hmm.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Autumn's new house...
It's been two weeks since I had last seen any friends. Today, I finally hung out with Autumn and Maggie.
Chilled at Maggie's for a while, waiting for her stepdad to come home. Then I drove Maggie and Autumn to the mall.
My mission: get a new baseball cap.
Checked out Journey. I didn't really like any of their hats, though Maggie and Autumn liked the fedora look on me. Apparently fits my style haha. Mm, maybe some other time. I didn't buy anything there. Instead, they each bought a pair of shoes. Maggie bought a pair of Harajukus, I think. Autumn bought a pair of Rocket Dogs. After she said she wouldn't haha.
Went to Tilly's. Checked out the baseball caps. Nice stuff. I eventually bought a Fox cap. Actually looks pretty sweet.
I think this was one of the very few times any of my friends have ever seen me purchase any kind of apparel/accessory/etc.
Afterward, we walked around a little bit more. Ended up at the T-Mobile booth because Maggie is gonna get a phone upgrade. Ended up in Victoria's Secret just minutes later. Then Charlotte Russe.
Then finally, we were on our way out of the mall haha. Drove to CD Aquarium to see if there were any turtles for sale. Nope. No more. Not legal haha. Gotta find some other vendor.
Went to Autumn's new house downtown. Pretty frickin' nice place for a downtown space. Got a short tour of her house. Ate some of Autumn's homemade foods :P Tasty stuff. We, plus Roman, played a few of those small group games, like The Right Party, Artist, and The Stick Game. I think that's what they were called. I figured out the first one. The last two, I was completely clueless haha. I'm more likely to figure out the word games than the visual ones XP
Anyway, they finished watching Step Brothers. I had already watched it. For a comedy, its gag reel sucked. Very disappointing.
Looked at some of Autumn and Roman's family album. Fun stuff.
Went downstairs to Autumn's room to look at the SCV chair listing. Not updated. Watched YouTube videos.
Then Maggie's parents came to pick her up, and I drove Autumn back to Maggie's so that she could get her van.
And yeah, that was my fun day ^_^
Next time, we should have a sleepover haha. The last sleepover I went to was Autumn's 16th or 17th birthday party, I don't remember exactly haha.
Hmm, so lately I've been dreaming a lot. I think it might be because I keep waking up. REM sleep apparently happening more often. I can't recall my dreams anymore, but I remember thinking some of them were too violent, too freaky, or just damn strange in an emotional way. I'm gonna try to remember my dreams and update about them. I haven't been able to keep a dream in my memory for more than an hour for a long while now.
Resolutions. Hmm. Haha. My ability to fulfill resolutions gradually diminishes as the year goes on. I only have six left that I may or may not attempt. If I could remember which ones they were, I'd put them here for you to see :P But I don't and they're in my wallet. Next year, I'll keep my list short and more practical/probable haha.
And I wish textbooks weren't so expensive. I only need textbooks for three classes next semester, and the total cost is still in the hundreds. Ordered my Asian American Studies and Physics books from the school bookstore because they happen to be cheapest compared to local bookstores and even Amazon. The book I need for my Philosophy class, I found on Craigslist. Amazon sells used copies for about $45 (plus tax and shipping/handling), while the guy on Craigslist is selling his for $30.50. Good deal, yeah? Hopefully so.
Man, I spent like half an hour this morning posting all my textbooks on Craigslist. I hope I can sell them on there. If I don't sell them by the first of August, I'm just gonna drive them all to Robert's Bookstore and see if I get a good deal there for them. I need to sell my books earlier next time haha. This is pretty late. Not sure I'll get any good prices, but we'll see. Need to get back some money. Tuition going up by about $600-700 for CSU undergrads, financial aid not going up that much. But eh, I feel worse for people who don't receive FA :/
Mm, I think that's all I want to say for now. Just wanted to put something up since it's been more than two weeks since my last entry.
Chilled at Maggie's for a while, waiting for her stepdad to come home. Then I drove Maggie and Autumn to the mall.
My mission: get a new baseball cap.
Checked out Journey. I didn't really like any of their hats, though Maggie and Autumn liked the fedora look on me. Apparently fits my style haha. Mm, maybe some other time. I didn't buy anything there. Instead, they each bought a pair of shoes. Maggie bought a pair of Harajukus, I think. Autumn bought a pair of Rocket Dogs. After she said she wouldn't haha.
Went to Tilly's. Checked out the baseball caps. Nice stuff. I eventually bought a Fox cap. Actually looks pretty sweet.
I think this was one of the very few times any of my friends have ever seen me purchase any kind of apparel/accessory/etc.
Afterward, we walked around a little bit more. Ended up at the T-Mobile booth because Maggie is gonna get a phone upgrade. Ended up in Victoria's Secret just minutes later. Then Charlotte Russe.
Then finally, we were on our way out of the mall haha. Drove to CD Aquarium to see if there were any turtles for sale. Nope. No more. Not legal haha. Gotta find some other vendor.
Went to Autumn's new house downtown. Pretty frickin' nice place for a downtown space. Got a short tour of her house. Ate some of Autumn's homemade foods :P Tasty stuff. We, plus Roman, played a few of those small group games, like The Right Party, Artist, and The Stick Game. I think that's what they were called. I figured out the first one. The last two, I was completely clueless haha. I'm more likely to figure out the word games than the visual ones XP
Anyway, they finished watching Step Brothers. I had already watched it. For a comedy, its gag reel sucked. Very disappointing.
Looked at some of Autumn and Roman's family album. Fun stuff.
Went downstairs to Autumn's room to look at the SCV chair listing. Not updated. Watched YouTube videos.
Then Maggie's parents came to pick her up, and I drove Autumn back to Maggie's so that she could get her van.
And yeah, that was my fun day ^_^
Next time, we should have a sleepover haha. The last sleepover I went to was Autumn's 16th or 17th birthday party, I don't remember exactly haha.
Hmm, so lately I've been dreaming a lot. I think it might be because I keep waking up. REM sleep apparently happening more often. I can't recall my dreams anymore, but I remember thinking some of them were too violent, too freaky, or just damn strange in an emotional way. I'm gonna try to remember my dreams and update about them. I haven't been able to keep a dream in my memory for more than an hour for a long while now.
Resolutions. Hmm. Haha. My ability to fulfill resolutions gradually diminishes as the year goes on. I only have six left that I may or may not attempt. If I could remember which ones they were, I'd put them here for you to see :P But I don't and they're in my wallet. Next year, I'll keep my list short and more practical/probable haha.
And I wish textbooks weren't so expensive. I only need textbooks for three classes next semester, and the total cost is still in the hundreds. Ordered my Asian American Studies and Physics books from the school bookstore because they happen to be cheapest compared to local bookstores and even Amazon. The book I need for my Philosophy class, I found on Craigslist. Amazon sells used copies for about $45 (plus tax and shipping/handling), while the guy on Craigslist is selling his for $30.50. Good deal, yeah? Hopefully so.
Man, I spent like half an hour this morning posting all my textbooks on Craigslist. I hope I can sell them on there. If I don't sell them by the first of August, I'm just gonna drive them all to Robert's Bookstore and see if I get a good deal there for them. I need to sell my books earlier next time haha. This is pretty late. Not sure I'll get any good prices, but we'll see. Need to get back some money. Tuition going up by about $600-700 for CSU undergrads, financial aid not going up that much. But eh, I feel worse for people who don't receive FA :/
Mm, I think that's all I want to say for now. Just wanted to put something up since it's been more than two weeks since my last entry.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
There is no inherent value in the dollar.
If I didn't do things to try to impress people, I don't know what I would be doing.
I've been extremely tired lately. I'm too tired to focus on my work. So I wait for the burst of energy that will get me through my work. I want sleep, but I don't give myself much time for it. I feel like if I stay awake, then I'll get my homework done. But that is definitely not the case. I keep putting my work off until the last minute.
I just need a day where my energy level isn't so low, and I can just get all the work I can out of the way. Weekends would seem to be the best times for this, but I'm just as lazy on weekends. Instead, I wait for someone to invite me to something because I want to get out. I should just get out.
Hmm, so money. The dollar. What about it? I think it's stupid. No, I don't. It's just a piece of linen/cotton/whatever paper. How can paper be stupid?
It's people that are stupid when it comes to money. Money does not have any inherent value. We give it value. We do stupid things for the value that (we believe) exists in money. Why? Because we are idiots and we choose to.
What's worse is that we allow the amount of money we have determine what kinda person that we are. Or that we think we are. Money can only tell us so much about a person. "Classless society" is a utopia. We do not live in a utopia.
Ugh, I'm too exhausted. I keep skipping and omitting words. I just wanted to say that though money facilitates trading of services and goods, people have lost sight of the intentions of the monetary system. We've taken convenience for granted and have made a stronger outlet for greed to come through. I mean, it's easier to steal cash and credit than it is to steal a stereo, clothes, and food.
You steal the stereo; you can sell it. You steal the clothes or the food; you can use/eat them. You steal money; you can spend it on anything. At least when you steal food, you know it's because you're starving. When you steal money, it could be you're hungry, but it could also be you're just too damn selfish.
But hey, who am I to judge?
I'm just feeling down. Reading about people's hardships makes me feel even worse. I can't do anything to help them. I can't even help myself. My mind is feeling so grrr..
Hmm, so I have 9 resolutions left to attempt. The rest I have either accomplished or given up on. I did ten. I took out 4 that I thought were too pointless or hopeless.
1. Choose a major.
2. Meditate at least 15 minutes a day.
5. Get a job.
11. Make at least one YouTube video.
14. Learn how to play a new instrument.
16. Remain calm in all situations.
18. Reconnect and keep in touch with friends.
19. Learn how to read and write Vietnamese better.
22. Stop bringing myself down with my own words.
About half of these are pretty hopeless too, but I'll just leave them there for now.
And I've kinda regressed on the 15 hrs/wk thing for the computer. I'll get back on it in a week or so haha. Hopefully, I will >_>
And I want to add "Get a girlfriend" back to the list haha, even though I had reasoned that it was really hopeless. I've just been feeling more and more alone, especially seeing all these new couples spring up (reminds me of the start of soph year right after Kevin and Rose got together). I just wish I had someone here for me. I just want to be there for someone else too. Well, whether I add it to the list or not, I'm already thinking about it haha.
Even if I think about it, it's not gonna happen. I'm just... too nice. Oh well, I never think highly of myself anyway. I don't know how anyone else would either.
Haha I'm so negative today.
I've been extremely tired lately. I'm too tired to focus on my work. So I wait for the burst of energy that will get me through my work. I want sleep, but I don't give myself much time for it. I feel like if I stay awake, then I'll get my homework done. But that is definitely not the case. I keep putting my work off until the last minute.
I just need a day where my energy level isn't so low, and I can just get all the work I can out of the way. Weekends would seem to be the best times for this, but I'm just as lazy on weekends. Instead, I wait for someone to invite me to something because I want to get out. I should just get out.
Hmm, so money. The dollar. What about it? I think it's stupid. No, I don't. It's just a piece of linen/cotton/whatever paper. How can paper be stupid?
It's people that are stupid when it comes to money. Money does not have any inherent value. We give it value. We do stupid things for the value that (we believe) exists in money. Why? Because we are idiots and we choose to.
What's worse is that we allow the amount of money we have determine what kinda person that we are. Or that we think we are. Money can only tell us so much about a person. "Classless society" is a utopia. We do not live in a utopia.
Ugh, I'm too exhausted. I keep skipping and omitting words. I just wanted to say that though money facilitates trading of services and goods, people have lost sight of the intentions of the monetary system. We've taken convenience for granted and have made a stronger outlet for greed to come through. I mean, it's easier to steal cash and credit than it is to steal a stereo, clothes, and food.
You steal the stereo; you can sell it. You steal the clothes or the food; you can use/eat them. You steal money; you can spend it on anything. At least when you steal food, you know it's because you're starving. When you steal money, it could be you're hungry, but it could also be you're just too damn selfish.
But hey, who am I to judge?
I'm just feeling down. Reading about people's hardships makes me feel even worse. I can't do anything to help them. I can't even help myself. My mind is feeling so grrr..
Hmm, so I have 9 resolutions left to attempt. The rest I have either accomplished or given up on. I did ten. I took out 4 that I thought were too pointless or hopeless.
1. Choose a major.
2. Meditate at least 15 minutes a day.
5. Get a job.
11. Make at least one YouTube video.
14. Learn how to play a new instrument.
16. Remain calm in all situations.
18. Reconnect and keep in touch with friends.
19. Learn how to read and write Vietnamese better.
22. Stop bringing myself down with my own words.
About half of these are pretty hopeless too, but I'll just leave them there for now.
And I've kinda regressed on the 15 hrs/wk thing for the computer. I'll get back on it in a week or so haha. Hopefully, I will >_>
And I want to add "Get a girlfriend" back to the list haha, even though I had reasoned that it was really hopeless. I've just been feeling more and more alone, especially seeing all these new couples spring up (reminds me of the start of soph year right after Kevin and Rose got together). I just wish I had someone here for me. I just want to be there for someone else too. Well, whether I add it to the list or not, I'm already thinking about it haha.
Even if I think about it, it's not gonna happen. I'm just... too nice. Oh well, I never think highly of myself anyway. I don't know how anyone else would either.
Haha I'm so negative today.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Blogger is still confusing o_o
I'm not really trying to get the hang of using this blog. Just too complicated for me.
It doesn't matter though. I don't have anything interesting to update about. Mm...
Well, I spent most of my day driving Tony around. Job hunting or something. Oh, and I waited for two hours, while he was discussing whatever with his previous boss. So for now, he will have a temporary job back at Gumbo Jumbo. Woo...
I don't know if it's because of New Year's or not, but I have this headache on the side of my head that keeps coming and going. And sometimes, it spreads to my neck. It's quite bothersome.
Anyway, Tony starts work again tomorrow, and I'm happy I don't have to drive him. I don't like driving him. He gets road rage even when he's not behind the wheel. He's made me cry a few times already T__T What a jerk. But he can be nice.
Though, I had a nightmare about driving him places. It was recent. Maybe a week or so ago. It was terrible. I woke up with tears streaming down my face :( Really don't like driving my brother around. One, I'm a weak driver. I don't drive often enough to know much. Two, he's bad at giving directions. Like, when I'm trying to find a parking spot, he either complains about how far away from the entrance I'm about to park or points somewhere through the windshield at some spot and says "over there."
Now, I'm not psychic. I say I am, but we all know I'm not. Where the hell is "over there" supposed to be? I mean, I'm sitting about 2 feet to his left; I'm not exactly in a good position to see where his finger is pointing. At best, it looks like he's pointing to some empty spot nearby. However, when I turn in, he explodes. "Why the fuck are you parking here?! I said over there!" By now, he's stopped pointing, I'm getting frustrated and sad, and the car has stopped moving. "Fucking idiot" or "fucking bitch" rings out somewhere at this time. Tears start to stream down my face. I drive forward and ask, "Here?" I'm trying to keep the anger out of my voice. How spiteful do I feel?
He nods. I don't see because I'm looking straight ahead. I wait for an answer. An angry yes. Drive forward. Park. Keep looking ahead.
This was in my dream. This happened in real life. However, the time that it happened in real life was when I was driving him to court. My mom was in the backseat, but she didn't yell at him. I thought she would. I kinda wanted her to. I mean, c'mon, he swore in front of her. At me! When I was doing him a favor! How uncool is that?
And they made me stay in the car, while his trial thing was going on. I just sat in the car, thinking about how I could kill my brother. "Ungrateful bastard." I was muttering under my breath, even though no one else was in the car. People walked by, glanced at me, and kept walking. I was a crying nobody. But that was fine. I didn't want a stranger asking me what was wrong.
Ahh, ok, I don't know why I started typing about that. I guess I'm stuck on that bit of the past. Well, he yelled at me today too. When I was doing him a favor, again. But he didn't yell as much because he wasn't in the car that much. I got to read. Chyeah, I read. Making use of my library card, oh yeah.
I'm doing pretty well with my resolutions. Obviously, I can't multitask or think about all of my resolutions every day. I'm doing what I can: Reading, hugging, complimenting, computer time, sodas, and trying to meditate. I think I'll have to put that last one off till when I can get myself together. It's really hard to focus. Should meditate in the morning instead of the evening. I gotta try to get up earlier.
I have 12 months to work on these though. I should be ok. I shall keep trying.
Anyway, I'm planning on visiting ST tomorrow by myself, which is fine. I just wanna visit on a regular day. Can't next week because it's finals for ST and faculty gets a little anal around then. Then the next week, I have to get ready for school again. Ugh. Great. Wonderful. I hope I do better.
I did well first semester in terms of academics. 2 A+'s, 1 A-, and 1 B+. Pretty damn good. I got myself a 3.75 GPA. I just want to do more. Hopefully will take the initiative to join a club or something. Make better use of my time. Fill in the blanks of my social life or life in general. All I did first semester was go to school, go home, do homework, and do online stuff that I don't remember. Need to do more than that. It would help with the resolutions, I'm sure haha.
Yay for tangents. Back to visiting ST. Yeah. I told my mom I wanted to visit tomorrow, and she got mad. She said I've been going out too much. "But I'm just visiting my high school." Too much, too much. I guess going out once or twice a week is too much. Well, it is compared to how much I had gone out all semester, which was basically once. I just wanna go out. I can't be cooped up all the time.
My mom. Love her. Understand her. But wish she would just ease up some more. I remember the first day of Winter Break, she said, "So you've finished your first semester. You should go have fun now." Did she only mean that first day? I told her my break lasts about 6 weeks, and the majority of my friends only have 2 or 3. It would be logical that I would try to cram in as much time as I could with them in the first two or three weeks. Of course, I didn't hang out with all of them :/ I stuck to the same group of people, really. Now that I think about it, I feel pretty stupid because I didn't get to see more of my friends. I pretty much saw the same ones 3 or 4 times.
And now, everyone's gone back to school. All except the semester kids.
Since I only have less than three weeks till school starts, I want to visit ST before then. Especially since I missed visiting with my '08 friends. None of whom told me they were visiting ST in the first place -__- So I wanna visit now. I don't care if I'm by myself. It doesn't matter. I just wanna go see people. I haven't seen any of the high school kids in over 6 months! Too long. I don't even know what they're like now. And, you know, people can change a lot in six months. It's frightening, really.
So, I'm hoping tomorrow will be a good day. A really good day. Damn, I don't even know who I'm gonna visit first. Maybe Dimas' class. I think I'll probably get to the campus around 4th or 5th period. Before lunch, I know that. Shoot, I don't even know which classes or periods my friends are in. Well, I'll just talk to the teachers first haha. At lunch, I'll roam about the school, finding students :D
I just don't want to feel awkward. Pretty easy for me.
Anyway, I wish I could say more, but my computer time limit hinders me. Hmph. But yay for rambling. Kinda.
It doesn't matter though. I don't have anything interesting to update about. Mm...
Well, I spent most of my day driving Tony around. Job hunting or something. Oh, and I waited for two hours, while he was discussing whatever with his previous boss. So for now, he will have a temporary job back at Gumbo Jumbo. Woo...
I don't know if it's because of New Year's or not, but I have this headache on the side of my head that keeps coming and going. And sometimes, it spreads to my neck. It's quite bothersome.
Anyway, Tony starts work again tomorrow, and I'm happy I don't have to drive him. I don't like driving him. He gets road rage even when he's not behind the wheel. He's made me cry a few times already T__T What a jerk. But he can be nice.
Though, I had a nightmare about driving him places. It was recent. Maybe a week or so ago. It was terrible. I woke up with tears streaming down my face :( Really don't like driving my brother around. One, I'm a weak driver. I don't drive often enough to know much. Two, he's bad at giving directions. Like, when I'm trying to find a parking spot, he either complains about how far away from the entrance I'm about to park or points somewhere through the windshield at some spot and says "over there."
Now, I'm not psychic. I say I am, but we all know I'm not. Where the hell is "over there" supposed to be? I mean, I'm sitting about 2 feet to his left; I'm not exactly in a good position to see where his finger is pointing. At best, it looks like he's pointing to some empty spot nearby. However, when I turn in, he explodes. "Why the fuck are you parking here?! I said over there!" By now, he's stopped pointing, I'm getting frustrated and sad, and the car has stopped moving. "Fucking idiot" or "fucking bitch" rings out somewhere at this time. Tears start to stream down my face. I drive forward and ask, "Here?" I'm trying to keep the anger out of my voice. How spiteful do I feel?
He nods. I don't see because I'm looking straight ahead. I wait for an answer. An angry yes. Drive forward. Park. Keep looking ahead.
This was in my dream. This happened in real life. However, the time that it happened in real life was when I was driving him to court. My mom was in the backseat, but she didn't yell at him. I thought she would. I kinda wanted her to. I mean, c'mon, he swore in front of her. At me! When I was doing him a favor! How uncool is that?
And they made me stay in the car, while his trial thing was going on. I just sat in the car, thinking about how I could kill my brother. "Ungrateful bastard." I was muttering under my breath, even though no one else was in the car. People walked by, glanced at me, and kept walking. I was a crying nobody. But that was fine. I didn't want a stranger asking me what was wrong.
Ahh, ok, I don't know why I started typing about that. I guess I'm stuck on that bit of the past. Well, he yelled at me today too. When I was doing him a favor, again. But he didn't yell as much because he wasn't in the car that much. I got to read. Chyeah, I read. Making use of my library card, oh yeah.
I'm doing pretty well with my resolutions. Obviously, I can't multitask or think about all of my resolutions every day. I'm doing what I can: Reading, hugging, complimenting, computer time, sodas, and trying to meditate. I think I'll have to put that last one off till when I can get myself together. It's really hard to focus. Should meditate in the morning instead of the evening. I gotta try to get up earlier.
I have 12 months to work on these though. I should be ok. I shall keep trying.
Anyway, I'm planning on visiting ST tomorrow by myself, which is fine. I just wanna visit on a regular day. Can't next week because it's finals for ST and faculty gets a little anal around then. Then the next week, I have to get ready for school again. Ugh. Great. Wonderful. I hope I do better.
I did well first semester in terms of academics. 2 A+'s, 1 A-, and 1 B+. Pretty damn good. I got myself a 3.75 GPA. I just want to do more. Hopefully will take the initiative to join a club or something. Make better use of my time. Fill in the blanks of my social life or life in general. All I did first semester was go to school, go home, do homework, and do online stuff that I don't remember. Need to do more than that. It would help with the resolutions, I'm sure haha.
Yay for tangents. Back to visiting ST. Yeah. I told my mom I wanted to visit tomorrow, and she got mad. She said I've been going out too much. "But I'm just visiting my high school." Too much, too much. I guess going out once or twice a week is too much. Well, it is compared to how much I had gone out all semester, which was basically once. I just wanna go out. I can't be cooped up all the time.
My mom. Love her. Understand her. But wish she would just ease up some more. I remember the first day of Winter Break, she said, "So you've finished your first semester. You should go have fun now." Did she only mean that first day? I told her my break lasts about 6 weeks, and the majority of my friends only have 2 or 3. It would be logical that I would try to cram in as much time as I could with them in the first two or three weeks. Of course, I didn't hang out with all of them :/ I stuck to the same group of people, really. Now that I think about it, I feel pretty stupid because I didn't get to see more of my friends. I pretty much saw the same ones 3 or 4 times.
And now, everyone's gone back to school. All except the semester kids.
Since I only have less than three weeks till school starts, I want to visit ST before then. Especially since I missed visiting with my '08 friends. None of whom told me they were visiting ST in the first place -__- So I wanna visit now. I don't care if I'm by myself. It doesn't matter. I just wanna go see people. I haven't seen any of the high school kids in over 6 months! Too long. I don't even know what they're like now. And, you know, people can change a lot in six months. It's frightening, really.
So, I'm hoping tomorrow will be a good day. A really good day. Damn, I don't even know who I'm gonna visit first. Maybe Dimas' class. I think I'll probably get to the campus around 4th or 5th period. Before lunch, I know that. Shoot, I don't even know which classes or periods my friends are in. Well, I'll just talk to the teachers first haha. At lunch, I'll roam about the school, finding students :D
I just don't want to feel awkward. Pretty easy for me.
Anyway, I wish I could say more, but my computer time limit hinders me. Hmph. But yay for rambling. Kinda.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Happy New Year!
So it's 2009 now. What fun. A new year. 23 resolutions to work on or achieve. Well, 21 now. I renewed my library card and just made a new blog, hmm. No more LJ. Now, it's Blogger/Blogspot (that still confuses me).
I was thinking of making my first blog about some random topic, but I think I wanna remember as much as I can about New Year's. It was good and bad. I don't think I'll say too much. I and my details follow each other too closely sometimes.
Anyway, so New Year's Eve, I had dinner with my family and another family. Then I asked my mom if I could go to a New Year's get-together with a few friends. Being the good Asian kid I am, I mentioned the names of the friends that my mom likes: Alex D, Kathleen, Ariane, Randy, and Kiet. They really were going though, so I wasn't lying. And I did tell her that the host of the party was Markus, Ariane's friend, not mine. Partying with Wrawsome or at least half of it.
Surprisingly, my mom was ok with it, even though she repeatedly warned me against drinking again. After Cathy's birthday thing, I agreed I wouldn't drink any hard liquor, at most a shot haha. You know, in Vietnamese, it's really easy to twist words.
Mm, so Alex picked me up after he picked up Kat, Randy, and Kiet. First, we made a quick stop at Alex O's house. Then we were off to Waverly Ave. Damn, there was hella fog that night. Anyway, we kept missing Markus' house. It was funny though.
Ariane introduced us to her crew, but we still kinda kept to ourselves. No mingling. Too awkward. We were the strangers in this house, you know. So after about half an hour, I think, Kiet suggested going to another party where there were some people we actually knew. Ariane got hella sad about that though :/ I started to feel hella bad, especially after we had had the chat about being able to celebrate New Year's with friends for the first time.
So I decided to stay and try to talk to her dance friends. Chill people, very chill. Took our first shots of the night. I got some Black Label. Damn that shit, man. No chasers for me 'cause I'm a beast! Haha.... No buzz. I talked to a few people.
I think I made some new friends though haha.
I remember:
Tim (hella nice guy, encouraging me to drink beer haha)
Natasha (she likes me. She kept repeating that every time she saw me haha)
Leticia (she ain't black XP)
Jeffro (he's not 25)
Jae-Ar (you gotta wrestle the bottle away from this guy)
Melfred (he's afraid of trolls haha)
Markus (his house got some hella nice stuff)
Mark (he stayed sober, but he was cool)
Foxy (Markus' dog :P So cute. I love pomeranians.)
I remember all the people's faces, but I don't remember the names. Hmm. But yeah, hella cool people.
Anyway, I had two beers. Tecate, not my kinda shit. Widmer will always be the love of my life haha. Jk jk. It just tastes way better, but it's more expensive. Wheat beer is my thing though. And throughout the night, people were sharing their rum and coke with me, but I wasn't paying attention to that.
Alex, Randy, Kat, and Kiet, came back around 1:30. Played King's Cup with them. Shit, that game fucked Ariane and me up, like whoa. I don't remember what exactly happened after 2 AM. I remember bits. That was bad. I felt bad for Ariane though. I was supposed to be sober enough to help her. And I had said I wasn't gonna drink more than a shot and a beer. It seems that I can't control myself after the first shot; I just keep drinking D: That's pretty sad, but now I know I shouldn't drink at all. Not even a little. I'll save the beers for dinners XP
Kat, Kiet, Randy, and Alex took care of us till about 7 in the morning when they left for home. Hella stuff happened when we were out though :/ Can't believe we missed so much. Just glad we didn't die haha. Mm, I barely remember some of the stuff I was saying when I was out. I hope I didn't say too much.
When we woke up, I think it was 1 in the afternoon. Markus, Tim, Leticia, Melfred, and Markus' girlfriend (don't remember her name >_<) were still around. We watched "Step Brothers." I didn't have my glasses on though, so I saw blurry images haha. Funny movie though. I ate a slice of pizza. I forced myself to eat it. I mean, it made me sick to swallow food.
My mom called, and I asked her to come pick me up, so that Ariane wouldn't have to drive me home. We started watching "The Descent," but I left after thirty minutes. Mm, I was sure my mom would pick up the scent of alcohol, but she hasn't said anything. I still wasn't feeling too well when I left. We got home after the sun set. I showered and just went straight to bed.
So yesterday, I basically slept through most of the day, which is ok. January 1st, first day of the year, and I sleep through it haha :P It's all good.
Yeah, this entry doesn't have too many details like my usual entries. I remember more, but I don't think I need to put much up to remember what happened.
So from now on, I either stay away from the alc or else I'ma keep drinking more than I can handle haha. Or someone's gotta watch me and make sure I don't drink more than a shot and a beer :P Woo. What fun.
A lot of gratitude for Alex, Randy, Kat, and Kiet. Thank you very much. Ah, I'm still sorry for wasting your New Year's.
Mm, so resolutions. Posting them just in case I lose my hard copy haha.
'09 Resolutions
1. Choose a major.
2. Meditate at least 15 minutes a day.
3. Hug at least 1 person a day.
4. Compliment someone at least once a week.
5. Get a job.
6. Reduce my extra time on the desktop to 15hrs/wk.
7. Renew and use my library card.
8. Go out with friends at least once every month.
9. Limit myself to 4 sodas a month.
10. Start a new blog.
11. Make at least one YouTube video.
12. Try a different hairstyle.
13. Utilize the on-campus fitness facilities.
14. Learn how to play a new instrument.
15. Cosplay for Anime Expo 2009.
16. Remain calm in all situations.
17. Stop lying about stupid things.
18. Reconnect and keep in touch with friends.
19. Learn how to read and write Vietnamese well.
20. Become a morning person.
21. Complain less.
22. Stop bringing myself down with my own words.
23. Smile more.
What a start to the new year. Well, at least I got 2 of my resolutions already haha. Mm, changes, changes. Goals, really. I just wanna do better.
I wonder how I'll keep up with this blog though. Hmm.
I was thinking of making my first blog about some random topic, but I think I wanna remember as much as I can about New Year's. It was good and bad. I don't think I'll say too much. I and my details follow each other too closely sometimes.
Anyway, so New Year's Eve, I had dinner with my family and another family. Then I asked my mom if I could go to a New Year's get-together with a few friends. Being the good Asian kid I am, I mentioned the names of the friends that my mom likes: Alex D, Kathleen, Ariane, Randy, and Kiet. They really were going though, so I wasn't lying. And I did tell her that the host of the party was Markus, Ariane's friend, not mine. Partying with Wrawsome or at least half of it.
Surprisingly, my mom was ok with it, even though she repeatedly warned me against drinking again. After Cathy's birthday thing, I agreed I wouldn't drink any hard liquor, at most a shot haha. You know, in Vietnamese, it's really easy to twist words.
Mm, so Alex picked me up after he picked up Kat, Randy, and Kiet. First, we made a quick stop at Alex O's house. Then we were off to Waverly Ave. Damn, there was hella fog that night. Anyway, we kept missing Markus' house. It was funny though.
Ariane introduced us to her crew, but we still kinda kept to ourselves. No mingling. Too awkward. We were the strangers in this house, you know. So after about half an hour, I think, Kiet suggested going to another party where there were some people we actually knew. Ariane got hella sad about that though :/ I started to feel hella bad, especially after we had had the chat about being able to celebrate New Year's with friends for the first time.
So I decided to stay and try to talk to her dance friends. Chill people, very chill. Took our first shots of the night. I got some Black Label. Damn that shit, man. No chasers for me 'cause I'm a beast! Haha.... No buzz. I talked to a few people.
I think I made some new friends though haha.
I remember:
Tim (hella nice guy, encouraging me to drink beer haha)
Natasha (she likes me. She kept repeating that every time she saw me haha)
Leticia (she ain't black XP)
Jeffro (he's not 25)
Jae-Ar (you gotta wrestle the bottle away from this guy)
Melfred (he's afraid of trolls haha)
Markus (his house got some hella nice stuff)
Mark (he stayed sober, but he was cool)
Foxy (Markus' dog :P So cute. I love pomeranians.)
I remember all the people's faces, but I don't remember the names. Hmm. But yeah, hella cool people.
Anyway, I had two beers. Tecate, not my kinda shit. Widmer will always be the love of my life haha. Jk jk. It just tastes way better, but it's more expensive. Wheat beer is my thing though. And throughout the night, people were sharing their rum and coke with me, but I wasn't paying attention to that.
Alex, Randy, Kat, and Kiet, came back around 1:30. Played King's Cup with them. Shit, that game fucked Ariane and me up, like whoa. I don't remember what exactly happened after 2 AM. I remember bits. That was bad. I felt bad for Ariane though. I was supposed to be sober enough to help her. And I had said I wasn't gonna drink more than a shot and a beer. It seems that I can't control myself after the first shot; I just keep drinking D: That's pretty sad, but now I know I shouldn't drink at all. Not even a little. I'll save the beers for dinners XP
Kat, Kiet, Randy, and Alex took care of us till about 7 in the morning when they left for home. Hella stuff happened when we were out though :/ Can't believe we missed so much. Just glad we didn't die haha. Mm, I barely remember some of the stuff I was saying when I was out. I hope I didn't say too much.
When we woke up, I think it was 1 in the afternoon. Markus, Tim, Leticia, Melfred, and Markus' girlfriend (don't remember her name >_<) were still around. We watched "Step Brothers." I didn't have my glasses on though, so I saw blurry images haha. Funny movie though. I ate a slice of pizza. I forced myself to eat it. I mean, it made me sick to swallow food.
My mom called, and I asked her to come pick me up, so that Ariane wouldn't have to drive me home. We started watching "The Descent," but I left after thirty minutes. Mm, I was sure my mom would pick up the scent of alcohol, but she hasn't said anything. I still wasn't feeling too well when I left. We got home after the sun set. I showered and just went straight to bed.
So yesterday, I basically slept through most of the day, which is ok. January 1st, first day of the year, and I sleep through it haha :P It's all good.
Yeah, this entry doesn't have too many details like my usual entries. I remember more, but I don't think I need to put much up to remember what happened.
So from now on, I either stay away from the alc or else I'ma keep drinking more than I can handle haha. Or someone's gotta watch me and make sure I don't drink more than a shot and a beer :P Woo. What fun.
A lot of gratitude for Alex, Randy, Kat, and Kiet. Thank you very much. Ah, I'm still sorry for wasting your New Year's.
Mm, so resolutions. Posting them just in case I lose my hard copy haha.
'09 Resolutions
1. Choose a major.
2. Meditate at least 15 minutes a day.
3. Hug at least 1 person a day.
4. Compliment someone at least once a week.
5. Get a job.
6. Reduce my extra time on the desktop to 15hrs/wk.
7. Renew and use my library card.
8. Go out with friends at least once every month.
9. Limit myself to 4 sodas a month.
10. Start a new blog.
11. Make at least one YouTube video.
12. Try a different hairstyle.
13. Utilize the on-campus fitness facilities.
14. Learn how to play a new instrument.
15. Cosplay for Anime Expo 2009.
16. Remain calm in all situations.
17. Stop lying about stupid things.
18. Reconnect and keep in touch with friends.
19. Learn how to read and write Vietnamese well.
20. Become a morning person.
21. Complain less.
22. Stop bringing myself down with my own words.
23. Smile more.
What a start to the new year. Well, at least I got 2 of my resolutions already haha. Mm, changes, changes. Goals, really. I just wanna do better.
I wonder how I'll keep up with this blog though. Hmm.
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