Blogger is still confusing o_o

I'm not really trying to get the hang of using this blog. Just too complicated for me.

It doesn't matter though. I don't have anything interesting to update about. Mm...

Well, I spent most of my day driving Tony around. Job hunting or something. Oh, and I waited for two hours, while he was discussing whatever with his previous boss. So for now, he will have a temporary job back at Gumbo Jumbo. Woo...

I don't know if it's because of New Year's or not, but I have this headache on the side of my head that keeps coming and going. And sometimes, it spreads to my neck. It's quite bothersome.

Anyway, Tony starts work again tomorrow, and I'm happy I don't have to drive him. I don't like driving him. He gets road rage even when he's not behind the wheel. He's made me cry a few times already T__T What a jerk. But he can be nice.

Though, I had a nightmare about driving him places. It was recent. Maybe a week or so ago. It was terrible. I woke up with tears streaming down my face :( Really don't like driving my brother around. One, I'm a weak driver. I don't drive often enough to know much. Two, he's bad at giving directions. Like, when I'm trying to find a parking spot, he either complains about how far away from the entrance I'm about to park or points somewhere through the windshield at some spot and says "over there."

Now, I'm not psychic. I say I am, but we all know I'm not. Where the hell is "over there" supposed to be? I mean, I'm sitting about 2 feet to his left; I'm not exactly in a good position to see where his finger is pointing. At best, it looks like he's pointing to some empty spot nearby. However, when I turn in, he explodes. "Why the fuck are you parking here?! I said over there!" By now, he's stopped pointing, I'm getting frustrated and sad, and the car has stopped moving. "Fucking idiot" or "fucking bitch" rings out somewhere at this time. Tears start to stream down my face. I drive forward and ask, "Here?" I'm trying to keep the anger out of my voice. How spiteful do I feel?

He nods. I don't see because I'm looking straight ahead. I wait for an answer. An angry yes. Drive forward. Park. Keep looking ahead.

This was in my dream. This happened in real life. However, the time that it happened in real life was when I was driving him to court. My mom was in the backseat, but she didn't yell at him. I thought she would. I kinda wanted her to. I mean, c'mon, he swore in front of her. At me! When I was doing him a favor! How uncool is that?

And they made me stay in the car, while his trial thing was going on. I just sat in the car, thinking about how I could kill my brother. "Ungrateful bastard." I was muttering under my breath, even though no one else was in the car. People walked by, glanced at me, and kept walking. I was a crying nobody. But that was fine. I didn't want a stranger asking me what was wrong.

Ahh, ok, I don't know why I started typing about that. I guess I'm stuck on that bit of the past. Well, he yelled at me today too. When I was doing him a favor, again. But he didn't yell as much because he wasn't in the car that much. I got to read. Chyeah, I read. Making use of my library card, oh yeah.

I'm doing pretty well with my resolutions. Obviously, I can't multitask or think about all of my resolutions every day. I'm doing what I can: Reading, hugging, complimenting, computer time, sodas, and trying to meditate. I think I'll have to put that last one off till when I can get myself together. It's really hard to focus. Should meditate in the morning instead of the evening. I gotta try to get up earlier.

I have 12 months to work on these though. I should be ok. I shall keep trying.

Anyway, I'm planning on visiting ST tomorrow by myself, which is fine. I just wanna visit on a regular day. Can't next week because it's finals for ST and faculty gets a little anal around then. Then the next week, I have to get ready for school again. Ugh. Great. Wonderful. I hope I do better.

I did well first semester in terms of academics. 2 A+'s, 1 A-, and 1 B+. Pretty damn good. I got myself a 3.75 GPA. I just want to do more. Hopefully will take the initiative to join a club or something. Make better use of my time. Fill in the blanks of my social life or life in general. All I did first semester was go to school, go home, do homework, and do online stuff that I don't remember. Need to do more than that. It would help with the resolutions, I'm sure haha.

Yay for tangents. Back to visiting ST. Yeah. I told my mom I wanted to visit tomorrow, and she got mad. She said I've been going out too much. "But I'm just visiting my high school." Too much, too much. I guess going out once or twice a week is too much. Well, it is compared to how much I had gone out all semester, which was basically once. I just wanna go out. I can't be cooped up all the time.

My mom. Love her. Understand her. But wish she would just ease up some more. I remember the first day of Winter Break, she said, "So you've finished your first semester. You should go have fun now." Did she only mean that first day? I told her my break lasts about 6 weeks, and the majority of my friends only have 2 or 3. It would be logical that I would try to cram in as much time as I could with them in the first two or three weeks. Of course, I didn't hang out with all of them :/ I stuck to the same group of people, really. Now that I think about it, I feel pretty stupid because I didn't get to see more of my friends. I pretty much saw the same ones 3 or 4 times.

And now, everyone's gone back to school. All except the semester kids.

Since I only have less than three weeks till school starts, I want to visit ST before then. Especially since I missed visiting with my '08 friends. None of whom told me they were visiting ST in the first place -__- So I wanna visit now. I don't care if I'm by myself. It doesn't matter. I just wanna go see people. I haven't seen any of the high school kids in over 6 months! Too long. I don't even know what they're like now. And, you know, people can change a lot in six months. It's frightening, really.

So, I'm hoping tomorrow will be a good day. A really good day. Damn, I don't even know who I'm gonna visit first. Maybe Dimas' class. I think I'll probably get to the campus around 4th or 5th period. Before lunch, I know that. Shoot, I don't even know which classes or periods my friends are in. Well, I'll just talk to the teachers first haha. At lunch, I'll roam about the school, finding students :D

I just don't want to feel awkward. Pretty easy for me.

Anyway, I wish I could say more, but my computer time limit hinders me. Hmph. But yay for rambling. Kinda.