Not really rare days, but they occur less frequently than they used to a year ago. So that's good, I guess.
It's one of those days, where life is fine, there's no drama, and I still end up feeling different. "Different" isn't the right word, but I can't think of another word. "Crappy" would be better, but it's still not right.
I just don't feel right. I don't feel good. A day like today with its mellow pace should make me happy, but I feel worse than I usually do. It must be the laziness. Inactivity makes me grumpy. Even though, I'm such a lazy person haha.
We live in a world balanced by extremes.
What news. Where's the balance that we're looking for? I want the middle ground. Instead, we get the good making up for the evil and vice versa.
On some days, I have too much homework to even want to try, and I get so stressed. On other days, I have little to nothing to do, and it makes me feel worse than when I'm stressed. Or maybe not worse. It's just a different kind of bad feelings. These days give way to damned thoughts too easily. Maybe that's it.
I used to pride myself in my capability for "deep thought." Now, I don't even know if they're deep. I don't want to keep thinking about the things I think about. My thoughts have changed too much in the past year for me to want to think often. But I miss thinking.
Now, I'm not even sure what my thinking was or is. Why can't I think better? I need focus. But "focus is overrated." But I need it. I don't always like that my train of thought goes all over the place. When something gets too difficult to think about, I lose my focus (it flickers), and it goes somewhere else. I avoid. I try not to, but I do.
Damn, do I need a best friend or what? Haha...
"I need help, but I don't want help." <--I need a reminder for what I'm going to update about next. Hopefully, I remember to check this. I probably won't, but that's ok.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Battlefest Live 360....
was pretty chill. First real dance competition I've ever been to, I think. I got Andrew to drive me to the Civic Auditorium, kinda last minute. But too bad he had to leave at 7:30 to hang out with his family. The doors opened at 5:30, the comp started at 6:30, and it ended at 9:45.
I'm not sure what I want to say about the comp. So I'm just gonna say I was very impressed with most of the dancers. There were even 10-year-old dancers. They were a part of Funk Beyond Control. Defending champions. Incumbents. They took first place again this year. I thought they were good, but I liked another crew's performance better. Though, I don't remember what they were called haha. Oh well.
Supreme Soul and Funkanometry SF were there. Special guests. I don't know who they are, but I've heard of them. ABDC and all. Everybody's fave show, yeah? I should watch it. I just don't want to get hooked on it.
Getting hooked onto many shows is very stressful for me haha because I get compulsive about watching everything. And when I forget or something like that, I freak out too much and get an uncomfortable feeling in the back of my neck :/ Literally. So I try not to get hooked on shit haha.
Anyway, Wrawsome, Ariane's crew, was pretty damn good. Some unexpected choreography just because I've known Ariane so long hahaha.... One, a guy on top of her; and two, the "make-out" choreo. What fun. What excitement. How schmexy.... But yeah, it was all good stuff, the whole thing.
Though, I think I remember seeing Ariane nearly collide with one of the other girls. Of course, that could have just been my eyes :P Overall, though, the dancers were altogether and in sync :)
The only thing that kinda annoyed me during the competition was that people kept cheering like every 30 seconds. I couldn't hear the music -_- I couldn't focus on the choreo. People cheering for every little thing. C'mon, people. Of course, it could just be me, and I'm not used to going to one of these things. So it's possible that people always cheer like that. I don't know. I like to wait till the end of the performance before I cheer because sometimes when I cheer for one good thing, I miss the next good thing. I'm so easily distracted haha.
Anyway, yeah, that's all I really wanted to say. No details, I know -shrug- I just wanted to put something down about Battlefest and Wrawsome :)
Oh yeah, I had a good view too. Don't you hate it when you go to a concert or something and you can't see shit from where you're sitting? That usually happens to me. Tonight, though, I got a pretty good view from the topside. Though, there was a railing in the way so I couldn't see some people haha. Oh well, I still got a good view.
I've said this before, but Damn there are some hot dancers out there hahaha.... ;) Just look at those legs! Hahaha....
I'm not sure what I want to say about the comp. So I'm just gonna say I was very impressed with most of the dancers. There were even 10-year-old dancers. They were a part of Funk Beyond Control. Defending champions. Incumbents. They took first place again this year. I thought they were good, but I liked another crew's performance better. Though, I don't remember what they were called haha. Oh well.
Supreme Soul and Funkanometry SF were there. Special guests. I don't know who they are, but I've heard of them. ABDC and all. Everybody's fave show, yeah? I should watch it. I just don't want to get hooked on it.
Getting hooked onto many shows is very stressful for me haha because I get compulsive about watching everything. And when I forget or something like that, I freak out too much and get an uncomfortable feeling in the back of my neck :/ Literally. So I try not to get hooked on shit haha.
Anyway, Wrawsome, Ariane's crew, was pretty damn good. Some unexpected choreography just because I've known Ariane so long hahaha.... One, a guy on top of her; and two, the "make-out" choreo. What fun. What excitement. How schmexy.... But yeah, it was all good stuff, the whole thing.
Though, I think I remember seeing Ariane nearly collide with one of the other girls. Of course, that could have just been my eyes :P Overall, though, the dancers were altogether and in sync :)
The only thing that kinda annoyed me during the competition was that people kept cheering like every 30 seconds. I couldn't hear the music -_- I couldn't focus on the choreo. People cheering for every little thing. C'mon, people. Of course, it could just be me, and I'm not used to going to one of these things. So it's possible that people always cheer like that. I don't know. I like to wait till the end of the performance before I cheer because sometimes when I cheer for one good thing, I miss the next good thing. I'm so easily distracted haha.
Anyway, yeah, that's all I really wanted to say. No details, I know -shrug- I just wanted to put something down about Battlefest and Wrawsome :)
Oh yeah, I had a good view too. Don't you hate it when you go to a concert or something and you can't see shit from where you're sitting? That usually happens to me. Tonight, though, I got a pretty good view from the topside. Though, there was a railing in the way so I couldn't see some people haha. Oh well, I still got a good view.
I've said this before, but Damn there are some hot dancers out there hahaha.... ;) Just look at those legs! Hahaha....
Thursday, February 19, 2009
I need to stop wearing my hat.
Hat hair. Ew. Haha no, not ew, just bleh. I'd be ok with it if my hair was still really short. Like an inch or two. But my hair length is at least 3 inches now, so the hat hair is quite unflattering at the end of the day. I think my hair grows pretty fast. Maan... -_- And I have the kinda hair that's difficult to keep in place unless pressure is applied for a while.
Still need to try a new different hairstyle soon. Maybe next haircut, I'll try the fauxhawk. Though, if my mom freaks out, maybe I'll just try spiky hair :P The "guy" hairstyles haha. Chyeah, that's what they are. Right. Mm hmm. Does it matter? It's hair. And I know I usually don't care what my hair looks like, as long as it's not all poofed up haha. But I just want a change. A lil bit in the mirror, you know. Then I'll probably get too lazy to use hair product, and my hair will go back to its usual "stasis" :P I know it's not the right usage of the word, but I don't care.
Anyway, in my EDCO 4 class yesterday, there was a discussion about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Fun stuff. Split into groups to present each level. My group had "Self-Actualization." Difficult to define. My group was kinda silly. There were stick figures and a tree on our poster. Mm hmm. My only contribution to the poster was "Finding the meaning of life," which wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but the way I had originally said it was wordy.
So before we actually got anything on the poster, our prof came over and asked us, "Why are you in college? What's your motivation?" Some questions to get us to think about our ongoing motivations.
Hah, the irony is I don't feel motivated. I'm not sure why I'm still in school. Or I don't want to address my reasons.
However, I sat there and contemplated the questions. I really wasn't sure. I wrote what I was thinking on my crossword page, but I accidentally threw the paper out today -_- I kinda remember what I was thinking. Typical "motivations": family, friends, and opportunity. Also, I wouldn't be doing anything if I wasn't in college. Attending college is just something to do. But I want it to be more than that. So I guess I do want to find a purpose or something like that.
I don't want to fail. I don't want to give up. It feels like if I don't go to college, I will fail and disappoint. I don't want that. I can't do that. It's a guilty thing I do, but what else can I do? Besides, going to college is supposed to help me find a direction. It's one of the ways to go. I won't take the initiative to do otherwise.
There was so much I wanted to say, but I don't feel up to it anymore.
Ugh, I've got quite a bit of homework to do this weekend. I need to stop putting things off. I've got my English Essay #2 and a Declaration of Independence paper for Poli Sci, both due Tuesday. So I have to finish both of them by Sunday night. Frickin' Turnitin.com. Need to get things done early. But I guess that's ok. Also have to do EDCO homework, fun stuff.
Battlefest on Saturday. Can't wait to go watch Wrawsome perform. Haha, "Wrawsome is awesome."
I need to hang out with people more. Lisa and Albert chill with me in the MLK Library after EDCO most Mondays and Wednesdays, so that's cool. Tuesdays and Thursdays are still school and home.
Ah, I want to go the VSA meeting next week. I missed this week's meeting because I didn't want to starve myself for an extra 2 hours. Sucks that clubs meet in the late afternoon, and my classes end before noon -_- But I need to show up some time to help with the VSA Culture Show. I wanna help out with that. It seems pretty cool.
Oh, yesterday, I signed up for the emailing list for QTIP (Queers Thoughtfully Interrupting Prejudice). It sounds interesting. Sucks that the meetings are at 5 PM on Tuesdays. Maybe I'll just go home after class and come back later for meetings -_- Or do that once in a while and just attend most of the events. There's a drag show coming up soon O_o Haha. That should be interesting.
I need to commit to something. I want to. I keep saying this but don't do anything. I can't just go to classes and go home. There's no enjoyment in that. I want memories. I want friends. Haha. I'm desperate. No, I'm not. If I was, I'd be joining 6 different clubs or something. But yeah, I want to connect with people. I just want to feel like I haven't shut myself off from the world. Sometimes, I feel like that's what's happened. I won't let it be like that.
Gosh, I've been so tired. Must be the late nights I spend on my delayed homework. I need to stop doing that, but I know it will take a while until I stop procrastinating. The only time I feel like procrastinating isn't bad is when I update this thing, but I don't update often. So hmm.
Man, seriously, there were so many more important things I wanted to mention, but I can't remember anything. And I know it can be irksome when my writing doesn't flow. One of my problems with writing. Free thought, no fluidity. My mind doesn't flow like it used to. Or it does, but my fingers can't keep up haha.
Sometimes, I wish I could just put everything I think down. But my thoughts don't turn into words very well. Never really liked words. I'm more into feelings and images than words, even though I tend to think in words. And journals are filled with words. Updating is the only time when I use a lot of words. Redundant, though, aren't they?
I wouldn't mind becoming a mute. I wouldn't be expected to talk anymore. I'd still make people listen to me though :P I wouldn't mind becoming blind either. I wouldn't have to write essays anymore, would I? I'd be so happy if I didn't have to write those damn things anymore.
Oh, essays! Now, I remember one of the things I wanted to talk about. I don't think I've talked about it before. If I have, then damn do I have a bad memory haha. Well, I'm not gonna go into it too much. I actually want to go to sleep haha.
Anyway, I dislike formality in most of its forms (many different meanings to the word "formal"). Aside from a few cultural formalities, I don't like them. For some reason, there always seems to be an invisible caste-like system going on. Deference is fine, as long as it's warranted. Ignorant deference is just pointless. You gotta at least know why you respect someone.
And in writing, formal writing, ugh. I don't do formal very well. I don't like writing unlike myself, if that makes any sense. I try, but it's just not in my nature. Faked formality. Aye.
Formal wear. Oh, boy. Frickin' dresses and skirts haha. Last time I wore a dress was sometime in the 4th or 5th grade. Skirt, final 8th grade dance. Haven't worn either since those times XP
Hmm, though, I don't mind wearing slacks and a dress shirt :P I'm such a guy, yeah? Haha. Whatever. I go for the comfort, not so much the style or whatever it's called.
Oh, I am so pro at distracting myself from myself :P
Still need to try a new different hairstyle soon. Maybe next haircut, I'll try the fauxhawk. Though, if my mom freaks out, maybe I'll just try spiky hair :P The "guy" hairstyles haha. Chyeah, that's what they are. Right. Mm hmm. Does it matter? It's hair. And I know I usually don't care what my hair looks like, as long as it's not all poofed up haha. But I just want a change. A lil bit in the mirror, you know. Then I'll probably get too lazy to use hair product, and my hair will go back to its usual "stasis" :P I know it's not the right usage of the word, but I don't care.
Anyway, in my EDCO 4 class yesterday, there was a discussion about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Fun stuff. Split into groups to present each level. My group had "Self-Actualization." Difficult to define. My group was kinda silly. There were stick figures and a tree on our poster. Mm hmm. My only contribution to the poster was "Finding the meaning of life," which wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but the way I had originally said it was wordy.
So before we actually got anything on the poster, our prof came over and asked us, "Why are you in college? What's your motivation?" Some questions to get us to think about our ongoing motivations.
Hah, the irony is I don't feel motivated. I'm not sure why I'm still in school. Or I don't want to address my reasons.
However, I sat there and contemplated the questions. I really wasn't sure. I wrote what I was thinking on my crossword page, but I accidentally threw the paper out today -_- I kinda remember what I was thinking. Typical "motivations": family, friends, and opportunity. Also, I wouldn't be doing anything if I wasn't in college. Attending college is just something to do. But I want it to be more than that. So I guess I do want to find a purpose or something like that.
I don't want to fail. I don't want to give up. It feels like if I don't go to college, I will fail and disappoint. I don't want that. I can't do that. It's a guilty thing I do, but what else can I do? Besides, going to college is supposed to help me find a direction. It's one of the ways to go. I won't take the initiative to do otherwise.
There was so much I wanted to say, but I don't feel up to it anymore.
Ugh, I've got quite a bit of homework to do this weekend. I need to stop putting things off. I've got my English Essay #2 and a Declaration of Independence paper for Poli Sci, both due Tuesday. So I have to finish both of them by Sunday night. Frickin' Turnitin.com. Need to get things done early. But I guess that's ok. Also have to do EDCO homework, fun stuff.
Battlefest on Saturday. Can't wait to go watch Wrawsome perform. Haha, "Wrawsome is awesome."
I need to hang out with people more. Lisa and Albert chill with me in the MLK Library after EDCO most Mondays and Wednesdays, so that's cool. Tuesdays and Thursdays are still school and home.
Ah, I want to go the VSA meeting next week. I missed this week's meeting because I didn't want to starve myself for an extra 2 hours. Sucks that clubs meet in the late afternoon, and my classes end before noon -_- But I need to show up some time to help with the VSA Culture Show. I wanna help out with that. It seems pretty cool.
Oh, yesterday, I signed up for the emailing list for QTIP (Queers Thoughtfully Interrupting Prejudice). It sounds interesting. Sucks that the meetings are at 5 PM on Tuesdays. Maybe I'll just go home after class and come back later for meetings -_- Or do that once in a while and just attend most of the events. There's a drag show coming up soon O_o Haha. That should be interesting.
I need to commit to something. I want to. I keep saying this but don't do anything. I can't just go to classes and go home. There's no enjoyment in that. I want memories. I want friends. Haha. I'm desperate. No, I'm not. If I was, I'd be joining 6 different clubs or something. But yeah, I want to connect with people. I just want to feel like I haven't shut myself off from the world. Sometimes, I feel like that's what's happened. I won't let it be like that.
Gosh, I've been so tired. Must be the late nights I spend on my delayed homework. I need to stop doing that, but I know it will take a while until I stop procrastinating. The only time I feel like procrastinating isn't bad is when I update this thing, but I don't update often. So hmm.
Man, seriously, there were so many more important things I wanted to mention, but I can't remember anything. And I know it can be irksome when my writing doesn't flow. One of my problems with writing. Free thought, no fluidity. My mind doesn't flow like it used to. Or it does, but my fingers can't keep up haha.
Sometimes, I wish I could just put everything I think down. But my thoughts don't turn into words very well. Never really liked words. I'm more into feelings and images than words, even though I tend to think in words. And journals are filled with words. Updating is the only time when I use a lot of words. Redundant, though, aren't they?
I wouldn't mind becoming a mute. I wouldn't be expected to talk anymore. I'd still make people listen to me though :P I wouldn't mind becoming blind either. I wouldn't have to write essays anymore, would I? I'd be so happy if I didn't have to write those damn things anymore.
Oh, essays! Now, I remember one of the things I wanted to talk about. I don't think I've talked about it before. If I have, then damn do I have a bad memory haha. Well, I'm not gonna go into it too much. I actually want to go to sleep haha.
Anyway, I dislike formality in most of its forms (many different meanings to the word "formal"). Aside from a few cultural formalities, I don't like them. For some reason, there always seems to be an invisible caste-like system going on. Deference is fine, as long as it's warranted. Ignorant deference is just pointless. You gotta at least know why you respect someone.
And in writing, formal writing, ugh. I don't do formal very well. I don't like writing unlike myself, if that makes any sense. I try, but it's just not in my nature. Faked formality. Aye.
Formal wear. Oh, boy. Frickin' dresses and skirts haha. Last time I wore a dress was sometime in the 4th or 5th grade. Skirt, final 8th grade dance. Haven't worn either since those times XP
Hmm, though, I don't mind wearing slacks and a dress shirt :P I'm such a guy, yeah? Haha. Whatever. I go for the comfort, not so much the style or whatever it's called.
Oh, I am so pro at distracting myself from myself :P
Friday, February 13, 2009
Happy Friday the 13th.
I was going to go watch a movie today with Claudia G and her friends, but it turned out that I didn't have a ride -_- What luck.
I just read a few articles about the Flight 3407 crash in New York last night. Tragedy. 49 people on the plane and a man on the ground were killed. The man was in his house with his wife and daughter. The ladies got out safely.
Is it just me or are we starting to hear a lot more about plane crashes lately? Ok, maybe not more. But I mean, the Flight 1549 fall was a "miracle," but that happened just a month ago. The short span of time in between is a little unnerving. Apparently, the last deadly commercial plane crash was in 2006. Two years. There's a big perceived difference between 2 years and 1 month. Obviously, it doesn't affect the chances, but it still scares people more when two airplanes fall within a small period of time.
Still, people have estimated the chances of dying in a plane crash to be about 1 in 11 million, or so I've heard. Such a round number, don't you think? I wonder how people got to this probability. Again, I'm thinking, "Ok. I've got numbers, but they won't protect me from my chances of dying." But hey, if numbers make you feel safe, then stick to the numbers.
Ah, there was also an article in which two would-be 3407 passengers were interviewed about their "close call." Yes, it's great they didn't get on the plane and die. They should be grateful to be alive, as should everyone else every day, right? Riight. It's not luck; it's chance.
Every time I hear people say they were lucky or something like that, I just want to shake them and say, "You were lucky for a moment, not a lifetime." For all we know, we could survive something one minute and die from something else the next. Not very (good) lucky. Bad luck, right? Good and bad luck can fluctuate so easily, whether you're a good person. No. I don't think so. It's not luck.
Luck has lost its meaning to me. I still try to remember what it used to mean to me: "increased" chances of something (good or bad) happening. But what does that matter? We wish people luck (mostly good, I hope) all the time. Does an explicit sentence of goodwill really increase another person's chances of doing better or getting something good? I don't know maybe. If only the world really worked that way. We'd be getting what we want based on the number of good friends we have and good people we meet, who really do wish the best for us. What a great life that would be.
Now, why did I start talking about luck again? Hmm. Oh yeah, I don't really know, but I get confused by people sometimes. Now, I'm not going to diss religion. I'm actually going to diss the believers.
Why do some people thank God for their good fortunes but blame themselves or other people for their misfortunes? I think God, if he exists, should receive either both blame and praise or neither. Believers make their God seem so arrogant. He only deserves praise? Really? Not much better than some people here on Earth.
And if you are so lucky and loved by God, what about the other people who don't live long enough to thank him? Are they not as lucky or as loved? You really think you're better than them? When people say things like "God was watching over me," it makes me wonder why he didn't watch over the others. So it seems like he doesn't control death, but he can negotiate your life. Hmm. What makes you so much more important to him than other people?
I used to believe in God. Not the religious, by-the-Bible kind of God. Just a god, a somebody to talk to when I was younger, who would know my problems without making me explain everything. It would just understand, be there for me, and help me make the "right" decisions. Sometimes, it would be in my head; other times, in my books or my pillow. Maybe, it would be an imaginary friend. I don't talk to it as much anymore. Of course, a nonbeliever could just say that I've been talking to myself all these years. Who knows? Maybe I was a very imaginative and creative child with a split personality that "faded" away. The point is God was somebody I talked to, not someone who controlled my life.
What I realized over the past few years of my life is that there's a difference between the God people want and the God that people need. The one we want is one to make the rules, to tell us what we should and shouldn't do, and to look up to. Or maybe that was Christ. Sorry, I used to confuse the two until about the 7th grade when I heard that Jesus was supposed to be the son of God. Yeah, I got it, but I still forget who was supposed to do what sometimes.
Anyway, the God we need is one whom we can talk to and reason with. Obviously, it's going to be a one-sided argument. But its "presence" is supposed to reassure us that we are doing and will do well in our lives. It will always listen without judging us. However, apparently, God does judge us, so hmm, maybe I've been talking to the wrong god.
Ah, I need to work on my self-expression, especially in words. I need to remember what I want to say. There's no "ending" to that^ because I forgot. So I'm just going to leave it at that haha.
Oh, so another topic from my newspaper puzzle page: either capital punishment or abortion clinics. Oh, or American freedom. Hmm. Some controversial stuff, yeah?
Capital punishment. I didn't know what that was until maybe my sophomore year in high school. I heard it all the time, but I never asked what it was. I knew what death penalty and execution meant. I mean, I watched a lot of movies, so I had to catch on. And I didn't learn what capital punishment was from my teachers either. I learned it from TV. Primarily, "Law and Order." Great show, btw.
Anyway, do I support or oppose capital punishment? I'm not 100& sure of it, but for now I support it. Why? Vindication. Murderers and serial killers might not have done anything to me personally, but that doesn't mean I don't think they deserve a death sentence. A life for a life, right? It's the law's version of saying "an eye for eye." What's the purpose of capital punishment? To prevent future threats. Obviously, it's not going to prevent or reduce all crimes. Petty thieves won't be affected. Killers will become more adept at killing and hiding. But it's a "civilized" person's way of seeking revenge. It's difficult to think that someone you know is dead because of a person and that person it still alive. So if their death can soothe a mourner, then soothe away. Right?
Besides, it's a punishment. That's what punishment is for: to dissuade people from doing things and to penalize them for doing things. A jail sentence just means they're locked away and being either "catered" to or harrassed by guards and correctional officers. Hmm, the death penalty is, well, a penalty. Of course, it's not going to have a long-lasting effect on the punished, but it will be a permanent solution. Though, I'm not sure if it's a solution. It's still just a preventative measure. And vengeance.
Hah, I should talk about vigilantism. Now, there's some crazy vengeance for ya.
Now, I'm not sure I want to say anything about abortion. Whether women should be allowed to have abortions is an issue that I tend to flip flop on a lot. Fetus, baby, unborn child, product of conception, whatever names we use... It's hard to decide. And I know, don't flip flop and choose a side. People give me shit for it. Well, sorry, geez. It's not a decision I can make on the spot. I like to think things through before I blindly commit to something.
This argument basically pits the right to choose against the right to live. A woman's right versus a fetus' life. For the sake of consistency, I'm going to use the term "fetus." "Baby" sways us toward one side, while "product of conception" leaves us open to the other.
3 debatable parts: Is the fetus a living human being? Does it have the same rights as a born person? If so, whose rights are more important, the mother's or the child's?
I think we can all agree that a woman has the right to abort when her life is in danger and there is little to no chance of the fetus surviving. Right? Or are we going to argue about the relative importance of both lives as well? And I know that people are divided about rape victims having abortions (unless it was incestuous rape).
Ok, so the crucial point of this issue is whether the fetus is considered a being in the womb. If it's alive, then abortion is murder. If it's not, then abortion should be ok because it's just a part of a woman's body. In the womb, the fetus develops its structure (nails, eyes, heart, etc). I'm not sure if the fetus breathes, but I know it can move. Some could argue that the fetus is only some living tissue within a woman. It might have its own DNA, but it can't think for itself. Hmm.
Does a fetus have rights? I mean, in the US, we say every American has the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Does a fetus on American territory have those rights given to us in the Declaration of Independence? Is it a citizen? Well, a baby becomes a citizen in the country in which it is born, not conceived. Its name isn't officially on a birth certificate until it is born. So, by law, it's not considered a citizen yet. At least not on paper. But if a mother aborts, does that mean she denies the fetus its right to become a citizen and therefore denies its rights to those written rights? Oh, so confusing.
Whose rights are more important? I'm not gonna detail all the possible reasons a woman would abort. There's too many possibles. So, who has the primary right? What is the primary right, if any? We pretty much consider every right to be equal in weight (probably why these kinds of issues are so difficult to deal with). The woman is a citizen. The fetus may or may not be considered a citizen. I'm not sure I could reason this part out. So I say, "?"
Also, I do hope people know that banning abortion won't stop abortions from happening. Just because something's illegal doesn't mean it's not gonna happen. We have laws against murder. There are still murders happening in every state. If abortion is completely banned, some women probably will resort to desperate measures to abort.
And yeah, there's the adoption option, but it's not always an appealing one. I'm not going into it though. Too much about it that I'm sure I don't know.
I'm not even going to get into whether the father has a say or not. That just complicates this issue, and it's also its own separate issue. It's like the product of abortion and custody issues. And that can get ugly.
And why do we call it an abortion? Gosh, sounds like we're quitting a computer program or something, but I guess it is technically an appropriate term. A premature termination. Mm.
The freedom thing will come another time. Maybe. Well, I basically wanted to say that "freedom isn't free" is a good quote. It can mean a lot of things, but we know what it means to each of us. When born, we have "human rights." I'm not sure, but our "human rights" have been determined by the higher council. Ultimately, though, I think human rights in essence are our rights to do whatever we want, can, and choose. But to be defined as "human," we give up the right to murder in order to keep the right to live. Being citizens of a nation, we give up rights to trespass and to steal for the rights to have privacy and to keep our possessions. We give up some rights to keep other rights in tact. Of course, we know some people don't live by "our rules" and live by their own. Yada yada yada. I'll continue some other time. Maybe.
^All opinion. Mostly not completely developed. I need to do some more reading, listening and learning about the topics.
I just read a few articles about the Flight 3407 crash in New York last night. Tragedy. 49 people on the plane and a man on the ground were killed. The man was in his house with his wife and daughter. The ladies got out safely.
Is it just me or are we starting to hear a lot more about plane crashes lately? Ok, maybe not more. But I mean, the Flight 1549 fall was a "miracle," but that happened just a month ago. The short span of time in between is a little unnerving. Apparently, the last deadly commercial plane crash was in 2006. Two years. There's a big perceived difference between 2 years and 1 month. Obviously, it doesn't affect the chances, but it still scares people more when two airplanes fall within a small period of time.
Still, people have estimated the chances of dying in a plane crash to be about 1 in 11 million, or so I've heard. Such a round number, don't you think? I wonder how people got to this probability. Again, I'm thinking, "Ok. I've got numbers, but they won't protect me from my chances of dying." But hey, if numbers make you feel safe, then stick to the numbers.
Ah, there was also an article in which two would-be 3407 passengers were interviewed about their "close call." Yes, it's great they didn't get on the plane and die. They should be grateful to be alive, as should everyone else every day, right? Riight. It's not luck; it's chance.
Every time I hear people say they were lucky or something like that, I just want to shake them and say, "You were lucky for a moment, not a lifetime." For all we know, we could survive something one minute and die from something else the next. Not very (good) lucky. Bad luck, right? Good and bad luck can fluctuate so easily, whether you're a good person. No. I don't think so. It's not luck.
Luck has lost its meaning to me. I still try to remember what it used to mean to me: "increased" chances of something (good or bad) happening. But what does that matter? We wish people luck (mostly good, I hope) all the time. Does an explicit sentence of goodwill really increase another person's chances of doing better or getting something good? I don't know maybe. If only the world really worked that way. We'd be getting what we want based on the number of good friends we have and good people we meet, who really do wish the best for us. What a great life that would be.
Now, why did I start talking about luck again? Hmm. Oh yeah, I don't really know, but I get confused by people sometimes. Now, I'm not going to diss religion. I'm actually going to diss the believers.
Why do some people thank God for their good fortunes but blame themselves or other people for their misfortunes? I think God, if he exists, should receive either both blame and praise or neither. Believers make their God seem so arrogant. He only deserves praise? Really? Not much better than some people here on Earth.
And if you are so lucky and loved by God, what about the other people who don't live long enough to thank him? Are they not as lucky or as loved? You really think you're better than them? When people say things like "God was watching over me," it makes me wonder why he didn't watch over the others. So it seems like he doesn't control death, but he can negotiate your life. Hmm. What makes you so much more important to him than other people?
I used to believe in God. Not the religious, by-the-Bible kind of God. Just a god, a somebody to talk to when I was younger, who would know my problems without making me explain everything. It would just understand, be there for me, and help me make the "right" decisions. Sometimes, it would be in my head; other times, in my books or my pillow. Maybe, it would be an imaginary friend. I don't talk to it as much anymore. Of course, a nonbeliever could just say that I've been talking to myself all these years. Who knows? Maybe I was a very imaginative and creative child with a split personality that "faded" away. The point is God was somebody I talked to, not someone who controlled my life.
What I realized over the past few years of my life is that there's a difference between the God people want and the God that people need. The one we want is one to make the rules, to tell us what we should and shouldn't do, and to look up to. Or maybe that was Christ. Sorry, I used to confuse the two until about the 7th grade when I heard that Jesus was supposed to be the son of God. Yeah, I got it, but I still forget who was supposed to do what sometimes.
Anyway, the God we need is one whom we can talk to and reason with. Obviously, it's going to be a one-sided argument. But its "presence" is supposed to reassure us that we are doing and will do well in our lives. It will always listen without judging us. However, apparently, God does judge us, so hmm, maybe I've been talking to the wrong god.
Ah, I need to work on my self-expression, especially in words. I need to remember what I want to say. There's no "ending" to that^ because I forgot. So I'm just going to leave it at that haha.
Oh, so another topic from my newspaper puzzle page: either capital punishment or abortion clinics. Oh, or American freedom. Hmm. Some controversial stuff, yeah?
Capital punishment. I didn't know what that was until maybe my sophomore year in high school. I heard it all the time, but I never asked what it was. I knew what death penalty and execution meant. I mean, I watched a lot of movies, so I had to catch on. And I didn't learn what capital punishment was from my teachers either. I learned it from TV. Primarily, "Law and Order." Great show, btw.
Anyway, do I support or oppose capital punishment? I'm not 100& sure of it, but for now I support it. Why? Vindication. Murderers and serial killers might not have done anything to me personally, but that doesn't mean I don't think they deserve a death sentence. A life for a life, right? It's the law's version of saying "an eye for eye." What's the purpose of capital punishment? To prevent future threats. Obviously, it's not going to prevent or reduce all crimes. Petty thieves won't be affected. Killers will become more adept at killing and hiding. But it's a "civilized" person's way of seeking revenge. It's difficult to think that someone you know is dead because of a person and that person it still alive. So if their death can soothe a mourner, then soothe away. Right?
Besides, it's a punishment. That's what punishment is for: to dissuade people from doing things and to penalize them for doing things. A jail sentence just means they're locked away and being either "catered" to or harrassed by guards and correctional officers. Hmm, the death penalty is, well, a penalty. Of course, it's not going to have a long-lasting effect on the punished, but it will be a permanent solution. Though, I'm not sure if it's a solution. It's still just a preventative measure. And vengeance.
Hah, I should talk about vigilantism. Now, there's some crazy vengeance for ya.
Now, I'm not sure I want to say anything about abortion. Whether women should be allowed to have abortions is an issue that I tend to flip flop on a lot. Fetus, baby, unborn child, product of conception, whatever names we use... It's hard to decide. And I know, don't flip flop and choose a side. People give me shit for it. Well, sorry, geez. It's not a decision I can make on the spot. I like to think things through before I blindly commit to something.
This argument basically pits the right to choose against the right to live. A woman's right versus a fetus' life. For the sake of consistency, I'm going to use the term "fetus." "Baby" sways us toward one side, while "product of conception" leaves us open to the other.
3 debatable parts: Is the fetus a living human being? Does it have the same rights as a born person? If so, whose rights are more important, the mother's or the child's?
I think we can all agree that a woman has the right to abort when her life is in danger and there is little to no chance of the fetus surviving. Right? Or are we going to argue about the relative importance of both lives as well? And I know that people are divided about rape victims having abortions (unless it was incestuous rape).
Ok, so the crucial point of this issue is whether the fetus is considered a being in the womb. If it's alive, then abortion is murder. If it's not, then abortion should be ok because it's just a part of a woman's body. In the womb, the fetus develops its structure (nails, eyes, heart, etc). I'm not sure if the fetus breathes, but I know it can move. Some could argue that the fetus is only some living tissue within a woman. It might have its own DNA, but it can't think for itself. Hmm.
Does a fetus have rights? I mean, in the US, we say every American has the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Does a fetus on American territory have those rights given to us in the Declaration of Independence? Is it a citizen? Well, a baby becomes a citizen in the country in which it is born, not conceived. Its name isn't officially on a birth certificate until it is born. So, by law, it's not considered a citizen yet. At least not on paper. But if a mother aborts, does that mean she denies the fetus its right to become a citizen and therefore denies its rights to those written rights? Oh, so confusing.
Whose rights are more important? I'm not gonna detail all the possible reasons a woman would abort. There's too many possibles. So, who has the primary right? What is the primary right, if any? We pretty much consider every right to be equal in weight (probably why these kinds of issues are so difficult to deal with). The woman is a citizen. The fetus may or may not be considered a citizen. I'm not sure I could reason this part out. So I say, "?"
Also, I do hope people know that banning abortion won't stop abortions from happening. Just because something's illegal doesn't mean it's not gonna happen. We have laws against murder. There are still murders happening in every state. If abortion is completely banned, some women probably will resort to desperate measures to abort.
And yeah, there's the adoption option, but it's not always an appealing one. I'm not going into it though. Too much about it that I'm sure I don't know.
I'm not even going to get into whether the father has a say or not. That just complicates this issue, and it's also its own separate issue. It's like the product of abortion and custody issues. And that can get ugly.
And why do we call it an abortion? Gosh, sounds like we're quitting a computer program or something, but I guess it is technically an appropriate term. A premature termination. Mm.
The freedom thing will come another time. Maybe. Well, I basically wanted to say that "freedom isn't free" is a good quote. It can mean a lot of things, but we know what it means to each of us. When born, we have "human rights." I'm not sure, but our "human rights" have been determined by the higher council. Ultimately, though, I think human rights in essence are our rights to do whatever we want, can, and choose. But to be defined as "human," we give up the right to murder in order to keep the right to live. Being citizens of a nation, we give up rights to trespass and to steal for the rights to have privacy and to keep our possessions. We give up some rights to keep other rights in tact. Of course, we know some people don't live by "our rules" and live by their own. Yada yada yada. I'll continue some other time. Maybe.
^All opinion. Mostly not completely developed. I need to do some more reading, listening and learning about the topics.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
I like Y2J; he's a good actor.
I don't remember if I've said this before: People are idiots. If I haven't, well, there it is.
I have little faith in people, but I still try to give people the benefit of the doubt. It gets difficult sometimes, but everyone warrants some faith and trust, right? And sometimes, people warrant pity and condescension.
So, I just watched 2 video clips of Chris Jericho (typically plays WWE heel, or, in layman's terms, the "bad guy") dealing with an unruly crowd. His security detail sucked. They didn't do anything. They shoved some people back, and that was it. They didn't try to get him back in his truck or clear a path for him to leave. They pretty much let him get surrounded and wait for the inevitable.
As I said, the security guys didn't do well. So fans could get up in Jericho's face and talk shit about his character. What the hell, people? He plays a character on a mostly scripted show. Really, the only things not scripted are the words and the mistakes (i.e. real injuries and deaths).
Anyway, one of the unruly kids (an allegedly adult woman) went up to Jericho and said a few words. He tried to get back in his truck, and the woman spat on him. He snapped and shoved her. The crowd went a lil more crazy after that.
If you watch any of the many videos on YouTube, you can hear people in the crowd saying, "Oh, my god, he hit a girl! What an asshole!" Are you serious? You provoke a person, and you don't expect him to be provoked? It doesn't matter if the spitter was a guy or a girl; he was spat on!
I've been spat on. I got quite pissed off. I can understand a little of how he felt. Unlike Jericho, I wasn't surrounded by a potentially violent mob. I even heard that the people trashed his truck. I don't know if that's true, but I do know most guys love their cars. Plus, he was being verbally abused because of a character he plays on TV. I don't know about you, but I would be pretty ticked if people confused fiction with reality and threatened me because of their idiocy.
Yes, I believe the crowd was filled with idiots, except for the ones who were asking for autographs. Then again, if I wanted an autograph, I wouldn't be standing with the people who wanted to hurt the person I was looking for. Just so, you know, there's no confusion there.
Moving along, so I had my English and Poli Sci classes today. I do crosswords every time there is a new Spartan Daily out. The puzzle page is always the first page I turn to every morning haha. It's also where I sometimes write down ideas for journal entries. For the most part, I haven't used many of those ideas because I've been trying to limit my time on the Internet. But today, I'm gonna get at least one of the ideas down.
I pretty much stopped updating about my daily life, which makes me sad because I want to remember what I do every day. However, I don't do very much every day. Or, well, I want to update about things that I consider worth remembering. And I don't remember what I do on most days, so that must mean I don't do anything important. Of course, that's a logical fallacy (I'm slowly relearning the fallacies). But I'm going to leave it at that because I'm being close-minded for tonight.
If you haven't read Le Petit prince, or The Little Prince (English version), you should. It's a wonderful children's book that I read in my French III class in high school. I love it. It provides many ideal lessons.
I remember the class discussion about one particular lesson. At first, I didn't understand the meaning of the chapter that we had read. The chapter was about a businessman counting the stars. I remember Madame Wilsoncaine explaining that as we become adults, we become less wary about quality and more preoccupied by quantity; less practicality, more ownership. When we're young and we meet new people, we ask questions like "what's your favorite color?" or "who is your best friend?" When we're older, we ask, "How old are you? How much money do you make? What kind of car do you have?" We don't ask what do you like or enjoy; we ask what do you have. Seriously, what do the material items ultimately tell you about a person that is more important than what their likes, dislikes, and feelings would show you?
I don't know about you, but I like talking about limitless things than about things that can only last a lifetime.
We rely a lot on statistics, but they're still just numbers that we assume represent a whole. Oftentimes, it seems like we rely more on numbers than we do on other people. Where's the social cohesiveness in that? Where's the value? Hell, our shared values are even measured by numbers, which is understandable, I suppose. We can't measure by validity. How do we do that? We can't. What we choose to believe and accept as truth can't be validified. At least not completely objectively.
I know my writing and speaking styles are riddled with fallacies and incongruities and whatever other mistake you can think of. That's something for me to work on this semester. My classes are stressing critical thinking, so hopefully they will help. And I know I sometimes use loaded words and then neutral words. I don't like conflict, and I try not instigate with words. I often do that with myself, and I don't like it. So I try not to do that with other people.
And yes, it is totally possible to argue with yourself :) I'm not even joking.
Ok, I was going to elaborate on the number thing, but it's getting too late and I didn't finish my homework. Sooo...
Goodbye.
I have little faith in people, but I still try to give people the benefit of the doubt. It gets difficult sometimes, but everyone warrants some faith and trust, right? And sometimes, people warrant pity and condescension.
So, I just watched 2 video clips of Chris Jericho (typically plays WWE heel, or, in layman's terms, the "bad guy") dealing with an unruly crowd. His security detail sucked. They didn't do anything. They shoved some people back, and that was it. They didn't try to get him back in his truck or clear a path for him to leave. They pretty much let him get surrounded and wait for the inevitable.
As I said, the security guys didn't do well. So fans could get up in Jericho's face and talk shit about his character. What the hell, people? He plays a character on a mostly scripted show. Really, the only things not scripted are the words and the mistakes (i.e. real injuries and deaths).
Anyway, one of the unruly kids (an allegedly adult woman) went up to Jericho and said a few words. He tried to get back in his truck, and the woman spat on him. He snapped and shoved her. The crowd went a lil more crazy after that.
If you watch any of the many videos on YouTube, you can hear people in the crowd saying, "Oh, my god, he hit a girl! What an asshole!" Are you serious? You provoke a person, and you don't expect him to be provoked? It doesn't matter if the spitter was a guy or a girl; he was spat on!
I've been spat on. I got quite pissed off. I can understand a little of how he felt. Unlike Jericho, I wasn't surrounded by a potentially violent mob. I even heard that the people trashed his truck. I don't know if that's true, but I do know most guys love their cars. Plus, he was being verbally abused because of a character he plays on TV. I don't know about you, but I would be pretty ticked if people confused fiction with reality and threatened me because of their idiocy.
Yes, I believe the crowd was filled with idiots, except for the ones who were asking for autographs. Then again, if I wanted an autograph, I wouldn't be standing with the people who wanted to hurt the person I was looking for. Just so, you know, there's no confusion there.
Moving along, so I had my English and Poli Sci classes today. I do crosswords every time there is a new Spartan Daily out. The puzzle page is always the first page I turn to every morning haha. It's also where I sometimes write down ideas for journal entries. For the most part, I haven't used many of those ideas because I've been trying to limit my time on the Internet. But today, I'm gonna get at least one of the ideas down.
I pretty much stopped updating about my daily life, which makes me sad because I want to remember what I do every day. However, I don't do very much every day. Or, well, I want to update about things that I consider worth remembering. And I don't remember what I do on most days, so that must mean I don't do anything important. Of course, that's a logical fallacy (I'm slowly relearning the fallacies). But I'm going to leave it at that because I'm being close-minded for tonight.
If you haven't read Le Petit prince, or The Little Prince (English version), you should. It's a wonderful children's book that I read in my French III class in high school. I love it. It provides many ideal lessons.
I remember the class discussion about one particular lesson. At first, I didn't understand the meaning of the chapter that we had read. The chapter was about a businessman counting the stars. I remember Madame Wilsoncaine explaining that as we become adults, we become less wary about quality and more preoccupied by quantity; less practicality, more ownership. When we're young and we meet new people, we ask questions like "what's your favorite color?" or "who is your best friend?" When we're older, we ask, "How old are you? How much money do you make? What kind of car do you have?" We don't ask what do you like or enjoy; we ask what do you have. Seriously, what do the material items ultimately tell you about a person that is more important than what their likes, dislikes, and feelings would show you?
I don't know about you, but I like talking about limitless things than about things that can only last a lifetime.
We rely a lot on statistics, but they're still just numbers that we assume represent a whole. Oftentimes, it seems like we rely more on numbers than we do on other people. Where's the social cohesiveness in that? Where's the value? Hell, our shared values are even measured by numbers, which is understandable, I suppose. We can't measure by validity. How do we do that? We can't. What we choose to believe and accept as truth can't be validified. At least not completely objectively.
I know my writing and speaking styles are riddled with fallacies and incongruities and whatever other mistake you can think of. That's something for me to work on this semester. My classes are stressing critical thinking, so hopefully they will help. And I know I sometimes use loaded words and then neutral words. I don't like conflict, and I try not instigate with words. I often do that with myself, and I don't like it. So I try not to do that with other people.
And yes, it is totally possible to argue with yourself :) I'm not even joking.
Ok, I was going to elaborate on the number thing, but it's getting too late and I didn't finish my homework. Sooo...
Goodbye.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
It's never just one thing.
I think some of us want to believe things happen or things are because of one or two things just so it's easier to lay the blame. When you say it's because of everything, you can't lay the blame because then nobody believes you; you're blaming too much or too many. So you focus on the one, just for the sake of blaming.
Have you noticed? People like to point fingers.
It's a sad, sad world we live in.
I just finished reading Jonathan Kozol's "Still Separate, Still Unequal." I'm not sure how I feel about it. I haven't experienced anything he wrote about, but I can imagine much of it to be true. I've watched the movies based on true events. That's as close as I get.
I'm not going to explain the piece much if at all. You can find and read it yourself if you so choose. I never was good at explaining or staying on task haha. Anyway, Kozol's general point is that, despite the progressive Brown v. Board of Education case in 1954, several contemporary public schools have "resegregated" since then. He provides many statistics and demographics about different schools all over the US. Many inner-city schools have large black or Hispanic populations and tiny percentages of whites. One even down at <1%.>
There's more, but you get the idea.
So the reason I'm talking about this? I don't remember anymore. But I do wonder where a "formal" education is going to get our future generations. I mean, the ones without the money.
Anyway, I don't know. Is it right for us to blame just the schools, the government, or whichever group for these shortcomings? Maybe. But blaming them doesn't do much. It brings attention, but that's it.
We could say the poor schools don't get the good, effective education and materials because they're poor. Can't always get "handouts." But public schools are supposed to be supported by the government and the people. That's kinda the reason why we call them public schools.
I don't know what I want to say anymore. It's just I don't think we should blame people for trying to cope with what they're given (parents, teachers, principals, etc). Can't blame the white people for going to the richer, predominantly white schools. Socioeconomic circumstances must be considered.
We could say white people aren't trying hard enough to make us into a cultural melting pot. But why? They don't have to.
People do what people do. We can't just say, "Hey, we have to do things this way, or else."
You know what? I'm gonna stop. My opinions are swirling, and I can't keep 'em straight. Usually don't anyway haha. What I think I was originally trying to say is that we all want to blame someone for the problems in our lives or society. There's always someone who has to be blamed. I don't know why. I want to know why, but I'm afraid to know.
So for now, I'll settle with a simple hypothesis: We all have a superiority complex and/or inferiority complex. And I mean that in the psychological sense, not just the "common" sense.
I think I'm gonna make an entry about the "race issue" eventually. Because that's what I saw in Kozol's writing. It's about race. We always gotta bring up race. I bring up race too. We're all or mostly racist. Not sure I could say blind people can be racist. I've been conditioned to believe that racism has to do with skin color, and blind people can't see. So, hmm. Haha, so much for a thoughtful entry. Maybe next time. Probably not.
Oh, and I know: I say "probably," even though I don't like probability because probability is just numbers. I'm just forgetful/hypocritical/whatever, but does it matter? I'm not making arguments, so my fallacies, rationalizations, and whatnot don't matter or work against me :P Or so I'd like to believe, heh.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Don't steal my car!
No, no one stole my car. I don't have a car.
I had a dream this morning, though, about my mom's car. Hmm.
So in my dream, I'm at home (a mix of my current house and my previous house). Current front door with my long chair near it. Outside the house is the railing and the steps. Also, the mailbox is on the wrong side of the property. Yeah, anyway, so my mom is getting the mail. Her car is parked in front of the mailbox, the driver side door is open, and the engine is still running. She doesn't seem to notice.
Some dark-haired lady walks toward the car and gets inside. I'm freaking out at the top of the steps. I'm thinking she's going to steal the car. Instead, she starts to rummage through the compartments for stuff. She's taking pens and papers. I try to yell to my mom about the lady in the car, but my voice doesn't come. I lost my voice. So I stand there, trying to get the words out and pointing and waving at the car to get my mom's attention.
Finally, she sees me. Then she turns around and sees the lady. She starts yelling at the woman to get out of the car. The lady gets out, walks around the car, and starts attacking my mom. They fight. I freak out some more, run back into the house to grab my cell phone, and run down the steps to help my mom. I mean, c'mon, that was clearly an unprovoked attack :P
As I'm coming down the steps, out of nowhere, the lady's daughter jumps in and hits my mom as well. She's not doing as much damage as her mom though. So when I get there, I tackle the lady. Somehow we end up under the car, which strangely has become a really high truck. I can sit up underneath.
I'm still on top of the lady, and I just start pounding on her because I am pissed. After several punches, she stops moving, but I don't get out from underneath to help my mom. I figure she's ok. So I try to call the police with the cell phone that's still intact. I keep on dialing the wrong number though. First, I type in "9311." Second, I type in "953311." What the hell am I doing? I finally get it right on the third try. 911.
It's an automated call system. Like the ones you get when you call customer service for the big companies. And it just gets so frustrating that I hang up and get up.
Next thing I know, I'm sitting with my mom inside the house, laughing about what happened. My mom says, "It's a good thing you were waving and pointing because I wouldn't have known that woman was there."
And, you know, at this point, I know it's a dream. I mean, my mom would never laugh about this kind of stuff. I would know. We've dealt with similar incidents before. Never laughed. They're still holding grudges. Anyway, I'm thinking, "Crap. This is a dream." Then I woke up.
Hmm, I wonder what this dream means. Violent, wasn't it? There was some blood, but not too much. I think I might have killed the lady in my dream :O Huh.
Mm well, I finally remembered a dream. Lately, I've been having "longer" dreams. I remember them for a few minutes, and then they're just gone from memory. And I'm left with nothing but a strange, nostalgic-like feeling.
Anyway, I have plenty of homework to try to catch up on this weekend. Wonderful. I just hope I can get at least half. It would be great.
I had a dream this morning, though, about my mom's car. Hmm.
So in my dream, I'm at home (a mix of my current house and my previous house). Current front door with my long chair near it. Outside the house is the railing and the steps. Also, the mailbox is on the wrong side of the property. Yeah, anyway, so my mom is getting the mail. Her car is parked in front of the mailbox, the driver side door is open, and the engine is still running. She doesn't seem to notice.
Some dark-haired lady walks toward the car and gets inside. I'm freaking out at the top of the steps. I'm thinking she's going to steal the car. Instead, she starts to rummage through the compartments for stuff. She's taking pens and papers. I try to yell to my mom about the lady in the car, but my voice doesn't come. I lost my voice. So I stand there, trying to get the words out and pointing and waving at the car to get my mom's attention.
Finally, she sees me. Then she turns around and sees the lady. She starts yelling at the woman to get out of the car. The lady gets out, walks around the car, and starts attacking my mom. They fight. I freak out some more, run back into the house to grab my cell phone, and run down the steps to help my mom. I mean, c'mon, that was clearly an unprovoked attack :P
As I'm coming down the steps, out of nowhere, the lady's daughter jumps in and hits my mom as well. She's not doing as much damage as her mom though. So when I get there, I tackle the lady. Somehow we end up under the car, which strangely has become a really high truck. I can sit up underneath.
I'm still on top of the lady, and I just start pounding on her because I am pissed. After several punches, she stops moving, but I don't get out from underneath to help my mom. I figure she's ok. So I try to call the police with the cell phone that's still intact. I keep on dialing the wrong number though. First, I type in "9311." Second, I type in "953311." What the hell am I doing? I finally get it right on the third try. 911.
It's an automated call system. Like the ones you get when you call customer service for the big companies. And it just gets so frustrating that I hang up and get up.
Next thing I know, I'm sitting with my mom inside the house, laughing about what happened. My mom says, "It's a good thing you were waving and pointing because I wouldn't have known that woman was there."
And, you know, at this point, I know it's a dream. I mean, my mom would never laugh about this kind of stuff. I would know. We've dealt with similar incidents before. Never laughed. They're still holding grudges. Anyway, I'm thinking, "Crap. This is a dream." Then I woke up.
Hmm, I wonder what this dream means. Violent, wasn't it? There was some blood, but not too much. I think I might have killed the lady in my dream :O Huh.
Mm well, I finally remembered a dream. Lately, I've been having "longer" dreams. I remember them for a few minutes, and then they're just gone from memory. And I'm left with nothing but a strange, nostalgic-like feeling.
Anyway, I have plenty of homework to try to catch up on this weekend. Wonderful. I just hope I can get at least half. It would be great.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Let's protest everything!
In recent years, I've been paying more and more attention to the different protests held around the nation and even the rest of the world.
You can protest just about anything as long as you can get a small group of supporters together. The enthusiasm is bound to spread.
My mom just told me about a teachers' protest down in So Cal. Interesting. Many teachers have been laid off, and so they are protesting. Yep.
I don't get it. What's it gonna do? All this protesting. Yeah, it gets people's attention. Though, I think everyone already knew about the financial problems and their effects on schools, communities and such. I know. I've noticed. You can't really protest against the people who stopped paying you to make them start paying you when they have no money. Not like they're going to give you imaginary money or IOUs. But I think I did hear about the state government handing out IOUs to their employees. Something about taxes. I didn't really clear that up when I heard about it.
Anyway, 2009, everything seems like it's gonna go to hell this year. My mom thinks so. Predictions have it that there's going to be a lot of death and pain. Not that prior years haven't had enough death and pain already. This year, it will be more noticeable and painful.
Whatever happens happens. We do what we can and will. The outcomes will come when they come. We can't pretend to be lucky or unlucky. Things will just happen, and we have to try to take them in stride.
Hm, so I believe in chance, not luck. Chance, everyone has an "equal" chance. Anything can happen. If it happens to someone, then it just so happens to be then and there. It's not because he or she is a certain person. Luck has become so subjective. People think that a person gets all the good stuff just because he is who he is. I don't believe it. Anyone and everyone has the same chances to have or get something.
Yeah, we can talk probability. But probability is just numbers, maybes and mostlys. I tell you that 1 out of 500 people have a certain disease. So, what are your chances of having this certain disease? 0.2%? Really? How do we know it's only 1 out of 500? What if you do have it? What are your chances now? Do you still think it's 0.2%?
I feel like percentages and probabilities help people delude themselves sometimes. Either you become a statistic or you nearly miss becoming a statistic. And that just sucks.
No matter the probability, if you have that disease, you have that disease. What does probability change?
All it does is make you tense and surprised or shocked or happy or whatever, depending on what you're trying to be probable about. And I know, incorrect usage of the word "probable," but I'm trying to make a point.
Probability doesn't tell you what is or isn't; it only shows you what might or might not be. No, I like probability. I do. I just don't like how we try to depend on numbers to determine our worth, our life, our time, or anything. Probability doesn't change facts.
And for all we know, all these numbers we have could be completely skewed, and we just missed the true numbers of people afflicted or not by whatever. I mean, 1 out of 500 people doesn't represent the 500 or more that we miss.
Ok, so I don't think my reasoning really makes sense in this entry. I stopped trying haha. But I'm just trying to say that we shouldn't attribute our successes or failures to just one thing or another. Luck, for sure, is not a proven idea, but people treat it like it is. And that aggravates me because the people with "good luck" take their good fortune for granted and the people with "bad luck" just give up and blame something or someone. With chance, I feel like things just happen to people.
Of course, you could say I'm only arguing semantics.
Hmm, I wish I had a catchphrase :P
You can protest just about anything as long as you can get a small group of supporters together. The enthusiasm is bound to spread.
My mom just told me about a teachers' protest down in So Cal. Interesting. Many teachers have been laid off, and so they are protesting. Yep.
I don't get it. What's it gonna do? All this protesting. Yeah, it gets people's attention. Though, I think everyone already knew about the financial problems and their effects on schools, communities and such. I know. I've noticed. You can't really protest against the people who stopped paying you to make them start paying you when they have no money. Not like they're going to give you imaginary money or IOUs. But I think I did hear about the state government handing out IOUs to their employees. Something about taxes. I didn't really clear that up when I heard about it.
Anyway, 2009, everything seems like it's gonna go to hell this year. My mom thinks so. Predictions have it that there's going to be a lot of death and pain. Not that prior years haven't had enough death and pain already. This year, it will be more noticeable and painful.
Whatever happens happens. We do what we can and will. The outcomes will come when they come. We can't pretend to be lucky or unlucky. Things will just happen, and we have to try to take them in stride.
Hm, so I believe in chance, not luck. Chance, everyone has an "equal" chance. Anything can happen. If it happens to someone, then it just so happens to be then and there. It's not because he or she is a certain person. Luck has become so subjective. People think that a person gets all the good stuff just because he is who he is. I don't believe it. Anyone and everyone has the same chances to have or get something.
Yeah, we can talk probability. But probability is just numbers, maybes and mostlys. I tell you that 1 out of 500 people have a certain disease. So, what are your chances of having this certain disease? 0.2%? Really? How do we know it's only 1 out of 500? What if you do have it? What are your chances now? Do you still think it's 0.2%?
I feel like percentages and probabilities help people delude themselves sometimes. Either you become a statistic or you nearly miss becoming a statistic. And that just sucks.
No matter the probability, if you have that disease, you have that disease. What does probability change?
All it does is make you tense and surprised or shocked or happy or whatever, depending on what you're trying to be probable about. And I know, incorrect usage of the word "probable," but I'm trying to make a point.
Probability doesn't tell you what is or isn't; it only shows you what might or might not be. No, I like probability. I do. I just don't like how we try to depend on numbers to determine our worth, our life, our time, or anything. Probability doesn't change facts.
And for all we know, all these numbers we have could be completely skewed, and we just missed the true numbers of people afflicted or not by whatever. I mean, 1 out of 500 people doesn't represent the 500 or more that we miss.
Ok, so I don't think my reasoning really makes sense in this entry. I stopped trying haha. But I'm just trying to say that we shouldn't attribute our successes or failures to just one thing or another. Luck, for sure, is not a proven idea, but people treat it like it is. And that aggravates me because the people with "good luck" take their good fortune for granted and the people with "bad luck" just give up and blame something or someone. With chance, I feel like things just happen to people.
Of course, you could say I'm only arguing semantics.
Hmm, I wish I had a catchphrase :P
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