A History of My Hair

I had various, shorter hairstyles chosen by my mom for most of my childhood and adolescence. I was frequently mistaken for a boy and occasionally bullied for it, which made me feel really insecure at times. But I dealt with it somehow and I never once thought I should grow out my hair to make things easier.

When I was a junior in high school, I decided to let my hair grow to my shoulders, which felt very strange. I just wanted to see what it would look like; would I actually look unattractive? My mom used to tell me that I would, which is why she always had me have short hair. I thought I looked all right.

I decided to cut my hair short again my senior year of high school because longer hair required too much effort and I was lazy haha. Back to normal. Ish.

During my freshman year of college, I decided to get my first “radical” hairstyle, a faux hawk. I wanted to explore something new. My mom freaked out; we argued. I kept the faux hawk for a couple of months. I grew it out because I again got lazy with maintenance. It required product and at least twenty minutes to style every day. That was a lot of time and effort I didn’t want to expend anymore.

At that point, I also just didn’t feel like getting my monthly haircut. And that feeling lasted for two and a half years. Really, after a year, I decided I wanted to grow my hair long enough to donate. During the winter of my senior year of college, I donated my hair to Pantene’s Beautiful Lengths for the first time. :)

I tried another, slightly longer faux hawk this time. Again, my mom and I argued. She was upset that I looked “like a man.” She threatened to shave my head as punishment. I told her to do it because I would be happy to do it. She had no response for that.

I suppose I should also add that I had been out to my mom since senior year of high school. My coming out to her was not a positive experience, and we haven’t even attempted to broach the subject since. Anyway, my styling choices just aggravated her discomfort with my sexuality. She was freaking out that I was “flaunting my lifestyle to the world”; not her words, but I knew what she meant. I wasn’t; I just wanted to do something different with my hair. I was not trying to be gayer haha.

The tension between my mom and me increased exponentially because of this. So I mellowed out with the hair to ease the tension. A small concession just to make life bearable.

Fast forward to over a year later. I got my hair buzzed two weeks after I moved out of my mom’s house in 2013. I wore a beanie every time I saw my parents for a couple of months haha. And then I continued to let my hair grow for a year and a half. Then I donated it again in December 2014. I decided to keep a simple style, reminiscent of my adolescence.

Then for half of 2015, I did variations of a fade and slick back combo. I truly enjoyed the look. But you know what happened; laziness kicked in. All that product, meh.

So I decided to buzz my hair again. And I actually decided I would try to grow it out for three years and then donate it once more. I wanted to see if I would have the patience to wait for my hair to reach my hips.

I’m less than two months shy of exactly three years, but my hair reaches my hips. I was going to wait until October to cut and donate my hair. However, my hair is annoying me, and I want to have short hair while it’s still hot out.

This upcoming weekend, I’m going to cut and donate my hair. I would do it sooner, but I feel like I should see my parents first and give them a head’s up, so they won’t be shocked the next time they see me. I can already hear my mom flipping out. But hey, at least this time, I’m giving her some warning. :P

I can’t wait to feel the weight literally be removed from my head haha.

As for the style, I might go for a pixie cut. No idea yet. Might decide on the spot. I would buzz my hair, but I think I'll wait for another time. I'm also not sure when I'll start growing out my hair to donate again.

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I'm glad I grew up and matured. I don't care if people mistake me for a man or judge me for it anymore. So I'm willing to try different hairstyles.

I still kinda hide some of my style decisions from my parents. Not because I'm ashamed or guilty. More because I just don't feel like arguing with them every time I see them. They won't change their minds, and I'm not going to change mine. We're going to argue about my choices. I don't want to not do what I want to do just to avoid arguing. I only see them once a week. So I should do what I feel comfortable doing, especially when I'm the one living with myself. But I'll do my best to avoid conflict with my parents because it's not worth my time when it's not constructive.

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I legally have been an adult for almost a decade. Technically, I’ve had long hair for more than half of my adult life. Weird.

After all these years, I still don’t know how to do anything with long hair other than put it in a ponytail haha.