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I don't necessarily think all of these are bad, per se, but when, how, and why we say them is crucial to the conversation.
If our friends aren't in the right mindset, then it's not a good time to say anything. It's good to just listen and pay attention for any warning signs. If we waste our time on unsolicited advice, we might miss some important signs. When our friends are in a better headspace and are more receptive to feedback, then we have an opportunity to add our two cents. Just remember it's our two cents, not fact.
Our word choice and body language are very important because it shows our intentions and our understanding of our friends' situations. Our demeanor shows them if we're listening or dismissive. What they think we're thinking or doing determines how much more they'll reveal to us and how much our words will sink in.
Our true intentions with our words will determine if we help or hurt our friends. Speaking out of frustration will never be helpful. Frustration is there because we want to help but we can't. We can't control our friends. We see the solution, but they don't. Or they do, but they won't follow through. We can't make them.
Speaking through encouragement (positive reinforcement) is slow and arduous, but I think it's the most helpful in most situations. It's definitely a test of our patience. But hey, we're only dealing with the problem for this moment; our friends have to deal with it almost every day alone. Tbh, if we're that frustrated with our friends, imagine how frustrated they are with themselves.
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Back to the link:
Therapists and counselors may try to get us to realize these things on our own. But there's a difference between a person who's trained to help us come to our own conclusions and a person who's just putting in their two cents on what they think our problem is.
One has built our trust, reminds us that they're coming from a place of understanding, and encourages us to take our next steps. The other doesn't necessarily make that same effort because it seems unnecessary when the message is coming from a friend. And this is why a therapist is a therapist, not a friend.
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Mental health problems suck. Sometimes, our brains know one thing, but they think the opposite; and we're so damn aware of this disconnect. Being bluntly reminded of how disconnected our brains are is irritating. "You just need to do this (i.e. take care of yourself, exercise, eat better, stop overthinking), and you won't have those problems anymore." Sometimes, it is that simple; but fun fact: It's not always that simple.
I get frustrated hearing things like that because I know it could be that simple but I don't let it be. I definitely don't feel encouraged when people say things like that to me. If anything, there's some irrational part of me that wants to do the opposite of what they say just to spite them. Or is it to spite myself? Because I fail at something that's so easy for others, I deserve to fail harder and hurt myself more. Irrational.
It's funny though. I've had conversations with friends about my issues and baggage. They offer advice. Sometimes, I ignore it. Other times, I listen. But I never take their advice immediately. It has to sit and simmer. Time has to pass before I put their advice into action. Although, if my friends bring it up again too soon, I have to let it simmer longer.
I like it when my friends don't give me direct advice. Instead, they offer suggestions. Suggestions don't have to simmer as long as advice does.
