If I haven't talked to you for a while or asked you how you're doing, I apologize.
I've been getting all caught up in my head about family and other things. Focusing way too much on myself. Feels selfish. Still thinking too much.
I don't really know what I'm doing. Just thinking a lot as usual. I've tried to post entries a few times in the past week, talking about how my week's been going, but I always end up deleting whole posts because I don't know what I want to share. There's a lot of thoughts going through my head lately, but sometimes it feels like they're just stuck in there rather than just passing through.
It's like when a DVD is damaged and always gets stuck at the same scene in a movie. It just keeps repeating that scene no matter how many times you press play, fast forward, or skip scene. It's just stuck there, going over and over again. Have you ever have that happen to you? In your head or on an actual TV screen? It doesn't really suck, but it gets annoying sometimes. If you're lucky, it will only happen during good scenes. It's less annoying that way. Could even be pleasant, if it were a really good scene. Mm...
Anyway, in thirteen days, a lot of things will happen or will have happened. Or it feels like a lot of things will. I'm hoping most of them will be good things.
In thirteen days, summer session will start for me, and I'll figure out if I can handle school. Can't wait for that. Three courses; this will be interesting...
In thirteen days, half of summer break will be gone. And I don't feel like I've wasted it, which is new to me. Still staying at home or chauffeuring much of the time, but I'm doing ok. It's definitely hard to be home, knowing I could be out and about, but I'm not complaining. Shocking, isn't it?
In thirteen days, Brother will find out what's gonna happen for him. I'm not sure how I want to feel about that. I already know how I feel about Mother's reaction to this whole situation. I wonder if I'll be prepared for her renewed reaction in two weeks.
Honestly, I don't know what's gonna happen between now and July 12th. A lot of good things can happen. Or a lot of bad. Or both. Or neither. Who can really say?
Lately, it feels like a lot of bad with some good mixed in here and there.
The timing of things is just off, I guess. Haven't been hearing what I've wanted to hear. And that's ok. I don't expect good things or anything like that. I don't really expect much at all.
I just wish... No, you know what? I'm not gonna wish. There's a lot of things that I hope go a certain way. But I can't wish for that. What's an empty wish anyway? I'm not making anything happen.
I feel like I need to make stuff happen. I wanna make something good happen. I don't know what I want to happen or how to go about making it happen. It's just a nice thought, you know? To help get the movie in my head unstuck.
Mm, I'm hoping for a change. The next two weeks will hopefully give me a good change. Though I am the same person as I have been at any point in my life prior to this moment, apparently, I'm already changing or changed, depending on who you talk to. For better in some ways, for worse in others. But I guess that's always the case, yeah?
I have no friggin' idea what I'm saying. How frustrating.
Ahh, I wanted to remember something. Hm. Oh. Remember, way back when I was on LiveJournal all the time, how I used to say something like "I wanna be happy with what I got and what I get"? I think I still feel the same way. Though, maybe more so now than I did back in high school. In high school, for the most part, I was still wanting good and better things, especially when I said I didn't. I wanted life to prove me wrong about how I should view the world and everything. Now, I really don't expect things to go any certain way. I mean, yeah, I've faltered with that a few times recently (Heh, old habits die hard?). But when things haven't been going how I want them to lately, it hurt, and then I was over it pretty quickly.
If half this sad stuff happened to me almost concurrently back in high school, I don't know how I would have dealt with it all then. I think my one-time emotional breakdown would have come sooner than it did, heh. But anyway, lately, yeah, I've cried about things, family-related or otherwise. And then I bounce back like an hour later, thinking much more clearly and calmly. And I dunno. It's weird. I'm not used to this calmness I have. No doubt, I still feel somewhat stressed and anxious about how things are going or how they will go. But it's not as overwhelming as I had initially feared.
Under this calm and collected facade that I've apparently maintained so very well, I've always been a nervous one. I might never show much on the outside, but on the inside, my emotions have wreaked havoc on me. I've had my fair share of teary nights.
During the past couple of weeks, maybe even months, though I have had a few sad days and teary nights, I've been handling my pressures and uncertainties quite well. With some help, I might add. Again, shocking, isn't it? Though I'm nowhere near perfect in handling anything, I feel like I'm doing better. Faltering at times, but I'm actually trying to do better now, rather than just saying that I want or need to do better.
And I'm trying to look up, look forward. Again, shocking. I just hope I don't give up on this again. Or on myself. I feel like I might, but I'm trying not to think like that so much. One day, maybe, this doubt of mine will be eradicated. That would be nice, wouldn't it?
Hmm, yay, positive stuff! I still don't know what I'm doing... now, later, short-term, or long-term. None of that. I only have an inkling. I want to graduate from SJSU as a Sociology major/Philosophy minor (I might add in another minor later on). That's thinking far ahead enough for me, ya dig?
Do you even remember a time where I planned anything at least a year in advance? I didn't think so. Again, I say I'm a changing person. I just never thought I would change for the better haha. Now, let's see if I change enough to take initiative to find a good first job.
Hmm, I think, in one of my next couple of entries, I'll say something about what I'm thinking of doing after college. That's if I come up with anything plausible. I don't have a clue as to what my future's gonna be like. But I'm gonna make it work. Any suggestions? Advice, ideas, and/or guidance would be greatly appreciated. And though I do appreciate the help of academic advisors, I value your opinions as much as, if not more than, I do theirs. Just saying.
Oh, I haven't used a single smiley in this entry yet. That's, again, shocking...
Time for sleep and not necessarily happy thoughts. Sleep and not-sad thoughts work for tonight. Good night :)
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Registered for Fall 2010...
This morning at about 10h40.
I had set my alarm for 10h30, but I woke up at 7h30 -__- Tried to go back to sleep. Did a few times. But ultimately woke up at 10h22 because Mother was raising her voice at our landlady on the phone..
Anyway, I added four of the five classes I'm planning to take for the Fall (stupid 14-unit cap). I'm waitlisting in a Sociology class that I had not intended to wait to register for -_- and signed up for the Philosophy class that I was going to wait for. Mm. Oh well. It's all good. So I'm enrolled for 12 units right now. Then the first day of class, I'm going to try to add the class I'm waiting for. If not that class, well I have a list of other classes to try to add XP
Fall '10 schedule:
Monday/Wednesday
0900-1015 PHIL 57 (Logic and Critical Reasoning)
1030-1145 SOCI 100W (Writing Workshop)
Tuesday/Thursday
0900-1015 SOCI 101 (Social Theory)
1030-1145 PHIL 109 (Philosophy of Religion)
Waitlist
TR 1200-1315 SOCI 116 (Global Society)
So I'm back to the all-morning schedule for now. Gonna try to add one more class, preferably Global Society, so I can have 15 units and 'cause Prof Cox has good reviews :P Most of the professors for the other classes I might add have ok or bad reviews on RateMyProfessors >_> but they fit my schedule. As in their classes aren't that late in the day haha.
Hm, my schedule's a nice balance between Sociology and Philosophy classes, yeah? My required courses for Sociology. Don't know who's gonna be my 100W professor yet. The SOCI 101 professor, Prof Rudy, is supposed to be a good instructor but a hard grader. My Philosophy professors are gonna be good -nods- Vaidya for 57 (also the undergrad advisor that I met with for my Minor stuff. Nice, laid-back guy). For 109, I'm gonna have Giddings again :) Yay.
Mm, I just realized I shouldn't waitlist for 116 'cause the waitlist won't put me in the class for a few reasons. If my waitlist position gets me into that class, I would go over the 14-unit limit by one unit -_- and so the waitlist will skip over me to add the next person waiting. The waitlist system also ends on the last day of advanced registration, August 15. And I can't go over the 14 units until the first day of class, August 25 -_- Bah! I guess I'll just have to wait till the first day of class to try to add. I hope people don't show up >_> haha.
But I'll keep myself on the waitlist for now. 'Cause if it looks like I can enroll in the class before August 15, I'm gonna drop one of the Philosophy classes and then try to re-add it the first day of classes.
I really wanna get my required Major classes out of the way. So that I can just chill in a couple Philosophy classes for my last semester :P Sounds fun, yeah? I also want to get my Sociology courses done quickly 'cause there are specific Criminology electives I want to take. Though, I might end up taking one of my Criminology electives (a class that I would not prefer to take) this Fall if I don't get SOCI 116 ):
I wonder... When choosing elective courses, would you choose the ones that you wanna take, though they might not fit your overall schedule or plan? Or would you go with the ones that you don't like, but they would help you graduate sooner? I'm leaning toward the former haha XD but we'll see what happens. If I go with what I want, I might end up having to graduate in the Spring of 2012, which isn't bad at all.
Hm, anyway, today kinda sucks. Waking up to Mother yelling at the landlady and later at the guy who mows the lawn was not fun. She bitched at the guy for not doing his job right. What could be expected when the landlady only pays him $30 a month for a biweekly job that involves mowing, leaf-blowing, and raking?
The landlady and her husband are over right now to appease Mother.. And Mother is insisting that the lawn guy should be fired.
Oh, so Mother was bitching at the landlady about our kitchen sink. The garbage disposal thing stopped working but kept making weird sounds. And it was clogging up the drain with something. Mother kept saying that everything in the house doesn't work 'cause it's all too old to work and the landlady is too cheap to buy new things. She basically blames our landlady for all the things that go wrong in the house. The landlady told us when we moved in two years ago that the sink was relatively new (couple months old or something like that). Anyway, her husband checked the disposal. Turns out there were these giant hardened pods or beans or whatever stuck in the disposal. Guess what? They were my mother's. She was using them to make a remedy, and somehow they fell down the sink when she wasn't looking -_- They have been taken out, and the disposal works fine.
So Mother's finally proven wrong, but she doesn't admit defeat. She still says things, implying that all the fault lies not with her but with the landlady. Is it bad to say that I feel embarrassed by this?
And I'm pissed 'cause she's angry at everyone today.. Without much reason. And I'm just trying to drown her out. But she drowns out my music T-T
-siiigh- I need out. Out would be nice. A break... Would a six-month break be too much to ask for?
I had set my alarm for 10h30, but I woke up at 7h30 -__- Tried to go back to sleep. Did a few times. But ultimately woke up at 10h22 because Mother was raising her voice at our landlady on the phone..
Anyway, I added four of the five classes I'm planning to take for the Fall (stupid 14-unit cap). I'm waitlisting in a Sociology class that I had not intended to wait to register for -_- and signed up for the Philosophy class that I was going to wait for. Mm. Oh well. It's all good. So I'm enrolled for 12 units right now. Then the first day of class, I'm going to try to add the class I'm waiting for. If not that class, well I have a list of other classes to try to add XP
Fall '10 schedule:
Monday/Wednesday
0900-1015 PHIL 57 (Logic and Critical Reasoning)
1030-1145 SOCI 100W (Writing Workshop)
Tuesday/Thursday
0900-1015 SOCI 101 (Social Theory)
1030-1145 PHIL 109 (Philosophy of Religion)
Waitlist
TR 1200-1315 SOCI 116 (Global Society)
So I'm back to the all-morning schedule for now. Gonna try to add one more class, preferably Global Society, so I can have 15 units and 'cause Prof Cox has good reviews :P Most of the professors for the other classes I might add have ok or bad reviews on RateMyProfessors >_> but they fit my schedule. As in their classes aren't that late in the day haha.
Hm, my schedule's a nice balance between Sociology and Philosophy classes, yeah? My required courses for Sociology. Don't know who's gonna be my 100W professor yet. The SOCI 101 professor, Prof Rudy, is supposed to be a good instructor but a hard grader. My Philosophy professors are gonna be good -nods- Vaidya for 57 (also the undergrad advisor that I met with for my Minor stuff. Nice, laid-back guy). For 109, I'm gonna have Giddings again :) Yay.
Mm, I just realized I shouldn't waitlist for 116 'cause the waitlist won't put me in the class for a few reasons. If my waitlist position gets me into that class, I would go over the 14-unit limit by one unit -_- and so the waitlist will skip over me to add the next person waiting. The waitlist system also ends on the last day of advanced registration, August 15. And I can't go over the 14 units until the first day of class, August 25 -_- Bah! I guess I'll just have to wait till the first day of class to try to add. I hope people don't show up >_> haha.
But I'll keep myself on the waitlist for now. 'Cause if it looks like I can enroll in the class before August 15, I'm gonna drop one of the Philosophy classes and then try to re-add it the first day of classes.
I really wanna get my required Major classes out of the way. So that I can just chill in a couple Philosophy classes for my last semester :P Sounds fun, yeah? I also want to get my Sociology courses done quickly 'cause there are specific Criminology electives I want to take. Though, I might end up taking one of my Criminology electives (a class that I would not prefer to take) this Fall if I don't get SOCI 116 ):
I wonder... When choosing elective courses, would you choose the ones that you wanna take, though they might not fit your overall schedule or plan? Or would you go with the ones that you don't like, but they would help you graduate sooner? I'm leaning toward the former haha XD but we'll see what happens. If I go with what I want, I might end up having to graduate in the Spring of 2012, which isn't bad at all.
Hm, anyway, today kinda sucks. Waking up to Mother yelling at the landlady and later at the guy who mows the lawn was not fun. She bitched at the guy for not doing his job right. What could be expected when the landlady only pays him $30 a month for a biweekly job that involves mowing, leaf-blowing, and raking?
The landlady and her husband are over right now to appease Mother.. And Mother is insisting that the lawn guy should be fired.
Oh, so Mother was bitching at the landlady about our kitchen sink. The garbage disposal thing stopped working but kept making weird sounds. And it was clogging up the drain with something. Mother kept saying that everything in the house doesn't work 'cause it's all too old to work and the landlady is too cheap to buy new things. She basically blames our landlady for all the things that go wrong in the house. The landlady told us when we moved in two years ago that the sink was relatively new (couple months old or something like that). Anyway, her husband checked the disposal. Turns out there were these giant hardened pods or beans or whatever stuck in the disposal. Guess what? They were my mother's. She was using them to make a remedy, and somehow they fell down the sink when she wasn't looking -_- They have been taken out, and the disposal works fine.
So Mother's finally proven wrong, but she doesn't admit defeat. She still says things, implying that all the fault lies not with her but with the landlady. Is it bad to say that I feel embarrassed by this?
And I'm pissed 'cause she's angry at everyone today.. Without much reason. And I'm just trying to drown her out. But she drowns out my music T-T
-siiigh- I need out. Out would be nice. A break... Would a six-month break be too much to ask for?
Monday, June 21, 2010
Summer Financial Aid issue finally resolved?
So I went to the Financial Aid and Bursar's offices to figure out what the heck is going on with my funds and my account. Back and forth for a while. What a hassle. But it was all settled in the end. FA is gonna disburse my funds Wednesday night (hopefully), which should cover the rest of my fees by Thursday morning. And Thursday, the Bursar's office will hopefully not drop any of my classes.
This whole thing took a lot longer than I had expected it to -_- But it's over. And I'm hoping it all goes well.
Anyway, spent the rest of the day hanging out with Shiva in her room. Didn't go anywhere or do anything, except chillax and be comfy there on her bed. I try to steal her bed quite often. Not literally, but you know what I mean. Anyway, we talked about silly stuff. Did silly things. She kept tickling me T-T Retaliation! Muahahaha...
And again, I must say Shiva has interesting roommates. Or an interesting roommate, since I haven't really talked to the others. But yeah, a bee flew into her roommate's room, and she was kinda freaking out about it. She asked us to help get rid of the bee. But we didn't really wanna get up and go over to do anything. But the roommate started whining/whimpering >_> haha I felt bad and got up. Went over and used a cup and index card to get the bee outside.
First time where I saw the cup and index card thing work well :D The bee didn't fly back into the room to sting me XD haha... As painful and sad as that is, I have laughed at people who have had that happen to them XD
Anyway, lots of fun conversation and stuff today. But I can't really recall much to update about haha XP
Oh, so SF Pride this weekend. Anyone going on Sunday? I wanna go. Though, I don't have much money to do anything >_> But I wanna go. Haha didn't I say something in a blog last year about this year's Pride? Hmm, I'll have to go back and read that.
Anyway, stuff planned for the next few weeks? Maybe.
Pride this weekend. Most likely jean shopping with Harrison next weekend (Who wants to join us? Harrison can probably give rides if you need it). Music in the Park on July 8, if I remember. Summer session starts on the 12th.
Dunno what else there is to look forward to. Harrison's planning a movie night and a water balloon fight. I hope I won't be busy for either of those. I've been hearing of other potential movie nights, but so far it's only been noise and not actual plans. Beach plans haven't been heard of much lately ): Maybe sometime the last two weeks of summer break, I'll go to the beach. Somehow.
So tiiired. I wonder whose fault that is.... Hmm...
This whole thing took a lot longer than I had expected it to -_- But it's over. And I'm hoping it all goes well.
Anyway, spent the rest of the day hanging out with Shiva in her room. Didn't go anywhere or do anything, except chillax and be comfy there on her bed. I try to steal her bed quite often. Not literally, but you know what I mean. Anyway, we talked about silly stuff. Did silly things. She kept tickling me T-T Retaliation! Muahahaha...
And again, I must say Shiva has interesting roommates. Or an interesting roommate, since I haven't really talked to the others. But yeah, a bee flew into her roommate's room, and she was kinda freaking out about it. She asked us to help get rid of the bee. But we didn't really wanna get up and go over to do anything. But the roommate started whining/whimpering >_> haha I felt bad and got up. Went over and used a cup and index card to get the bee outside.
First time where I saw the cup and index card thing work well :D The bee didn't fly back into the room to sting me XD haha... As painful and sad as that is, I have laughed at people who have had that happen to them XD
Anyway, lots of fun conversation and stuff today. But I can't really recall much to update about haha XP
Oh, so SF Pride this weekend. Anyone going on Sunday? I wanna go. Though, I don't have much money to do anything >_> But I wanna go. Haha didn't I say something in a blog last year about this year's Pride? Hmm, I'll have to go back and read that.
Anyway, stuff planned for the next few weeks? Maybe.
Pride this weekend. Most likely jean shopping with Harrison next weekend (Who wants to join us? Harrison can probably give rides if you need it). Music in the Park on July 8, if I remember. Summer session starts on the 12th.
Dunno what else there is to look forward to. Harrison's planning a movie night and a water balloon fight. I hope I won't be busy for either of those. I've been hearing of other potential movie nights, but so far it's only been noise and not actual plans. Beach plans haven't been heard of much lately ): Maybe sometime the last two weeks of summer break, I'll go to the beach. Somehow.
So tiiired. I wonder whose fault that is.... Hmm...
Sunday, June 20, 2010
The future's so blurry, and when it does come into focus...
Just for a moment, I shut my eyes and wait until I feel the blurriness come back.
----
College can be so frustrating... So a bit of not-fun stuff occurred on Thursday. I checked my SJSU account. The Financial Aid fee deferral notes were missing from my account, and my fees hadn't been paid yet. I freaked out, thinking SJSU was gonna drop my classes on Friday. So I went to campus on Friday to see if there was a mistake. But the SSC was closed for internal departmental shtuff.
So I hung out with Shiva and Brian for the rest of the day haha. But when I got home (had to walk home because Mother decided to wash her car), I checked my email and saw that the Bursar's office replied to an email I had sent the night before. They said that my account has a deferral and the payment due date was pushed back. So apparently, I should be ok. Grr, why haven't they changed the due date on my account? That would have been great to know. Save me from the extra stress.
This past week has just been completely stressful.
Now, if all this financial stuff works out, I will just have to worry about the three classes I'll be taking. I'd worry about books too, but Shiva has helped me with getting cheaper books XP Thank you.
Delete delete delete...
There was supposed to be more to this entry than just SJSU-related stuff... But I don't know what to say other than everything I just deleted... And I don't even know why I typed any of it out. I knew I was going to delete all of it, hm.
Ah, I'm tired...
Haha so much for a long and meaningful entry. I reduced this post by more than three-quarters, and now it's just a lame-ass entry about nothing important. Hmph.
Oh, how I miss the days of Xanga and LiveJournal when I posted every lame thought that passed through my brain -sigh-
Anyway, today is Father's Day. I hope you're all going to celebrate with your dads. Or at least wish them a Happy Father's Day.
Hope you have a good day.
----
College can be so frustrating... So a bit of not-fun stuff occurred on Thursday. I checked my SJSU account. The Financial Aid fee deferral notes were missing from my account, and my fees hadn't been paid yet. I freaked out, thinking SJSU was gonna drop my classes on Friday. So I went to campus on Friday to see if there was a mistake. But the SSC was closed for internal departmental shtuff.
So I hung out with Shiva and Brian for the rest of the day haha. But when I got home (had to walk home because Mother decided to wash her car), I checked my email and saw that the Bursar's office replied to an email I had sent the night before. They said that my account has a deferral and the payment due date was pushed back. So apparently, I should be ok. Grr, why haven't they changed the due date on my account? That would have been great to know. Save me from the extra stress.
This past week has just been completely stressful.
Now, if all this financial stuff works out, I will just have to worry about the three classes I'll be taking. I'd worry about books too, but Shiva has helped me with getting cheaper books XP Thank you.
Delete delete delete...
There was supposed to be more to this entry than just SJSU-related stuff... But I don't know what to say other than everything I just deleted... And I don't even know why I typed any of it out. I knew I was going to delete all of it, hm.
Ah, I'm tired...
Haha so much for a long and meaningful entry. I reduced this post by more than three-quarters, and now it's just a lame-ass entry about nothing important. Hmph.
Oh, how I miss the days of Xanga and LiveJournal when I posted every lame thought that passed through my brain -sigh-
Anyway, today is Father's Day. I hope you're all going to celebrate with your dads. Or at least wish them a Happy Father's Day.
Hope you have a good day.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Idiocy in relation to summer units...
Yesterday (Tuesday) morning, I got an email from the Sociology Department with an add code for the Sociology 154 class (Non-Conforming Behavior) I wanted to take over the summer. So I added it, thinking I could drop my Tuesday/Thursday Social Problems class. But no.
So I went to campus to try to figure out how to drop the class. Waited half an hour for the Sociology Department to open after lunch. Their schedule says they are closed from noon to 1, but their lunch lasted until 13h30 -_- And the department couldn't help me.
Went to the Student Services Center. Registrar window. Learned I had to fill out a drop form because the last day to drop without a "W" grade passed. So after that day, I need consent to drop courses.
I went to the AS Print Shop to print the form. But it turned out I needed to write a personal statement, provide documentation as proof that I have to drop the class, and get the signatures from both the class instructor and the chair of my department.
After waiting in a long line, I talked to Financial Aid to see if I would get a fee deferral for the summer session, since the fee due date was the 16th (today). The lady who assisted me laughed at me and said that the office had a lot of papers to get through, so I would just have to be patient -_- I also asked her if my financial aid amount would increase if I added a third class, and she told me no (LIAR!). That freaked me the hell out.
So I rushed home to get a start on class-drop stuff. Spent late hours typing up the personal statement and looking up stuff I would need to complete the drop form. Printed out hella papers for proof.
But in between the time I got home from campus and the time I went to bed, I had to do a bunch of things for Mother and people. Stupid friggin' car stuff. Stupid airbag sensor fail. Had to drive to D's workplace because Mother and I borrowed his car. I drove his car, while Mother drove our car. She took the main roads. I took the freeway. So I got there early and was able to talk to D about the financial situation. He was more worried about the workload/stress I would have to endure (Surprisingly, later, Brother told me he was also more concerned about the workload than the money stuff too).
I was just really stressed out yesterday about the money.
Then today, I went to campus to try to get signatures and ask more questions about the financial stuff. Went to the Bursar's Office first, where I should have gone to first yesterday to save me from all the major stressing out and crap. I asked about refunds and stuff. Turns out I can drop the class and have six units, but I would still have to pay for the original nine units that I registered for. No refunds for students who drop a class but are still enrolled in the semester D: That's friggin' horrible.
So I decided I should just keep all three classes. Get my money's worth, right?
After that, I met up with Shiva but then went to the Financial Aid office again. No lines. And a much more helpful person. I asked about the fee deferral, and she said it wasn't on my account. But then she added the deferral to my account for me. Then I asked her about the aid amount increase for adding another class. She told me my award does increase (YESSS. The other lady lied to me >_<).
Sadly, instead of having to make up the original $700-difference in the cost and the award for the six units, now my family has to pay $861.50 T-T But I guess that's much better than the >$1500 that I had expected to pay yesterday when the lady told me my award wouldn't increase. Though, this still sucks.
I left the SSC feeling a lil better but still disappointed (mostly in myself). $861.50. I could have saved my family the extra $160 if I had planned better or had decided to just suck it up and stay home for the summer. Haha Shiva gave me a hug to make me feel better XP
I really just feel like shit about this whole thing. Money that my family shouldn't have to try to scrounge up so that I can take classes ):
But now that that is settled, my next big worry is the three-course load. Two courses seems tiring enough. But three? x.x Will I survive? Three four-hour classes. They're actually three hours and forty-five minutes long. Two on MW, one on TR. If I could drop Social Problems, I'd only have the two classes on MW. Alas, that is not the case. Five weeks of classes. Almost 24 (actually 22.5) hours of class a week XP I might end up crying sometime during the five-week period haha.
I don't think I'll be going out or anything like that much during those five weeks XP Hopefully will just be spending a lot of time on campus like I did during the past semester.
Oh, after the session is over, I'll have less than two weeks before the Fall semester starts. Will I crash during those two weeks? Highly probable. Will I bounce back in time for the semester? Who knows? I don't.
And ahhh, I hope I pass all my classes XP
Anyway, apparently, today, someone tried to break into my house when no one was home. But no one got in. They tried to get in through the bathroom window. They pulled out the outer screen and pushed the window wide open.
I doubt anyone would want to just drop in. A pretty high drop onto the bathtub. Anyway, Mother's extremely paranoid. She's suspecting every Hispanic person who passes our house now -_-
And she got mad at me for not being home. And she's mad at me because I won't be home when I start summer session -_- Really?
This kinda sucks. One of the main reasons I decided so late to take summer courses was to get away from the house or rather Mother herself.
She wants to pick me up from school and drive me back to school during the six-hour break I'll have on Mondays and Wednesdays -_- No. No way. I already planned some of this stuff out. Go to Statistics at 9h00. Get out at 12h45. Chill with Shiva, do homework, eat lunch, do more homework, nap if possible. Then go to Non-Conforming Behavior with Shiva at 18h00. Get out at 21h45. Take the light rail home. Though, I have to admit going home that late at night is gonna suck. But I've done it before, so -shrug-
Tuesdays and Thursdays should be ok but short. Start at 9h00 and get out at 12h45. Mother will probably make me go home early. Unless... I need help with my class XP I probably will. Do not know how I will handle my classes yet. But if Shiva's there to help me, I'll be aiight, yeah? :D
Anyway, if you wanna hang out like hella, we should kick it before July 12th when my session starts, which is about four weeks away. Session ends on August 12th, but I think I will be too exhausted to do much after that haha. I dunno.
So sad. I wanted to get out of San Jose/Bay Area for a lil while during the summer. Guess not? Oh well. Unless someone kidnaps me, riight? haha. Anyone still planning to go to SoCal anytime this summer? XP
That's a somewhat serious question. If anyone's going to SoCal for a few days before or after my summer session, lemme know when, how you're getting there, where you're staying, and if I can join you, k? I really need to get out for a while.
Mm, that's all for today. So tired.
Tomorrow, I'm driving Mother and Brother to his court thing. I'm not sure if and what I'm hoping for with his court case. But maybe things will work out well for us all in the end, mm? Minimal financial impact, yes? I dunno. Here's to not thinking too much about sad stuff.
Edit (21h39): I just realized that when I was figuring how many units and classes I needed for graduation, I neglected to include the SJSU Studies courses, or Upper GEs. So those R, S, and V classes would add an extra semester. Or not, if I decide to take at least 15 units a semester. Hm, fun stuff.
So I went to campus to try to figure out how to drop the class. Waited half an hour for the Sociology Department to open after lunch. Their schedule says they are closed from noon to 1, but their lunch lasted until 13h30 -_- And the department couldn't help me.
Went to the Student Services Center. Registrar window. Learned I had to fill out a drop form because the last day to drop without a "W" grade passed. So after that day, I need consent to drop courses.
I went to the AS Print Shop to print the form. But it turned out I needed to write a personal statement, provide documentation as proof that I have to drop the class, and get the signatures from both the class instructor and the chair of my department.
After waiting in a long line, I talked to Financial Aid to see if I would get a fee deferral for the summer session, since the fee due date was the 16th (today). The lady who assisted me laughed at me and said that the office had a lot of papers to get through, so I would just have to be patient -_- I also asked her if my financial aid amount would increase if I added a third class, and she told me no (LIAR!). That freaked me the hell out.
So I rushed home to get a start on class-drop stuff. Spent late hours typing up the personal statement and looking up stuff I would need to complete the drop form. Printed out hella papers for proof.
But in between the time I got home from campus and the time I went to bed, I had to do a bunch of things for Mother and people. Stupid friggin' car stuff. Stupid airbag sensor fail. Had to drive to D's workplace because Mother and I borrowed his car. I drove his car, while Mother drove our car. She took the main roads. I took the freeway. So I got there early and was able to talk to D about the financial situation. He was more worried about the workload/stress I would have to endure (Surprisingly, later, Brother told me he was also more concerned about the workload than the money stuff too).
I was just really stressed out yesterday about the money.
Then today, I went to campus to try to get signatures and ask more questions about the financial stuff. Went to the Bursar's Office first, where I should have gone to first yesterday to save me from all the major stressing out and crap. I asked about refunds and stuff. Turns out I can drop the class and have six units, but I would still have to pay for the original nine units that I registered for. No refunds for students who drop a class but are still enrolled in the semester D: That's friggin' horrible.
So I decided I should just keep all three classes. Get my money's worth, right?
After that, I met up with Shiva but then went to the Financial Aid office again. No lines. And a much more helpful person. I asked about the fee deferral, and she said it wasn't on my account. But then she added the deferral to my account for me. Then I asked her about the aid amount increase for adding another class. She told me my award does increase (YESSS. The other lady lied to me >_<).
Sadly, instead of having to make up the original $700-difference in the cost and the award for the six units, now my family has to pay $861.50 T-T But I guess that's much better than the >$1500 that I had expected to pay yesterday when the lady told me my award wouldn't increase. Though, this still sucks.
I left the SSC feeling a lil better but still disappointed (mostly in myself). $861.50. I could have saved my family the extra $160 if I had planned better or had decided to just suck it up and stay home for the summer. Haha Shiva gave me a hug to make me feel better XP
I really just feel like shit about this whole thing. Money that my family shouldn't have to try to scrounge up so that I can take classes ):
But now that that is settled, my next big worry is the three-course load. Two courses seems tiring enough. But three? x.x Will I survive? Three four-hour classes. They're actually three hours and forty-five minutes long. Two on MW, one on TR. If I could drop Social Problems, I'd only have the two classes on MW. Alas, that is not the case. Five weeks of classes. Almost 24 (actually 22.5) hours of class a week XP I might end up crying sometime during the five-week period haha.
I don't think I'll be going out or anything like that much during those five weeks XP Hopefully will just be spending a lot of time on campus like I did during the past semester.
Oh, after the session is over, I'll have less than two weeks before the Fall semester starts. Will I crash during those two weeks? Highly probable. Will I bounce back in time for the semester? Who knows? I don't.
And ahhh, I hope I pass all my classes XP
Anyway, apparently, today, someone tried to break into my house when no one was home. But no one got in. They tried to get in through the bathroom window. They pulled out the outer screen and pushed the window wide open.
I doubt anyone would want to just drop in. A pretty high drop onto the bathtub. Anyway, Mother's extremely paranoid. She's suspecting every Hispanic person who passes our house now -_-
And she got mad at me for not being home. And she's mad at me because I won't be home when I start summer session -_- Really?
This kinda sucks. One of the main reasons I decided so late to take summer courses was to get away from the house or rather Mother herself.
She wants to pick me up from school and drive me back to school during the six-hour break I'll have on Mondays and Wednesdays -_- No. No way. I already planned some of this stuff out. Go to Statistics at 9h00. Get out at 12h45. Chill with Shiva, do homework, eat lunch, do more homework, nap if possible. Then go to Non-Conforming Behavior with Shiva at 18h00. Get out at 21h45. Take the light rail home. Though, I have to admit going home that late at night is gonna suck. But I've done it before, so -shrug-
Tuesdays and Thursdays should be ok but short. Start at 9h00 and get out at 12h45. Mother will probably make me go home early. Unless... I need help with my class XP I probably will. Do not know how I will handle my classes yet. But if Shiva's there to help me, I'll be aiight, yeah? :D
Anyway, if you wanna hang out like hella, we should kick it before July 12th when my session starts, which is about four weeks away. Session ends on August 12th, but I think I will be too exhausted to do much after that haha. I dunno.
So sad. I wanted to get out of San Jose/Bay Area for a lil while during the summer. Guess not? Oh well. Unless someone kidnaps me, riight? haha. Anyone still planning to go to SoCal anytime this summer? XP
That's a somewhat serious question. If anyone's going to SoCal for a few days before or after my summer session, lemme know when, how you're getting there, where you're staying, and if I can join you, k? I really need to get out for a while.
Mm, that's all for today. So tired.
Tomorrow, I'm driving Mother and Brother to his court thing. I'm not sure if and what I'm hoping for with his court case. But maybe things will work out well for us all in the end, mm? Minimal financial impact, yes? I dunno. Here's to not thinking too much about sad stuff.
Edit (21h39): I just realized that when I was figuring how many units and classes I needed for graduation, I neglected to include the SJSU Studies courses, or Upper GEs. So those R, S, and V classes would add an extra semester. Or not, if I decide to take at least 15 units a semester. Hm, fun stuff.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Been a long while since I last shopped in Oakridge
So today, I went to Oakridge with Shiva. We met up at the Ohlone-Chynoweth light rail station and walked to the mall.
We watched the first showing of "Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time." I saw Jovany working the register :P Anyway, I didn't really know anything about the storyline. But the movie was all right, somewhat interesting. Really, I liked the music the most haha. And Garsiv was my favorite character, even if his part wasn't really all that crucial to the plot :P Oh yea, Shiva pointed out that the Persians all had European accents XD Oh, British actors and their accents haha.
Anyway, after the movie, Shiva and I went shopping >_> Kinda. More like she picked out stuff and I tried them on haha. She tried to get my opinion in on the choices, but, like I say over and over again, I do not like shopping, am not fun to shop with, and would never wish to shop. First time in a really long time that anyone outside of my family has tried to help me buy clothes XD In the end, I bought two pairs of shorts from Target for about $36. Shiva bought stuff too haha.
Food from Sbarro. Pizza and bread sticks. First time eating from there for me. Apparently not as good as the other times Shiva has gotten food from Sbarro.
Ooh, I saw Trieu twice with his family. Once in the food court and the other time at the theater. He and I need to hang out more often haha. Been way too long.
Haha when Shiva and I walked around the mall, a girl working at one of those makeup island thingies tried to stop us to try some lip gloss or something. I was gonna keep going. But Shiva had to reply and stop XP As she was being pulled in, I slowly walked away and ignored the chick. I waited in front of a store window looking at skateboard sets. I want the Pacman board :D It was pretty awesome. 90 bucks too.
Anyway, Shiva and I decided to head to campus around 17h30. Light rail from Oakridge to Ohlone, from Ohlone to San Antonio. Haha while we were waiting for the light rail at Oakridge, there was a mom there with her son, who was climbing on a fence. All I can remember about her was that she kept scolding her son for climbing the fence and saying stuff about the police and Internal Affairs or something O_o
Haha a while after we got on the light rail to campus, some dude, who might have been drunk, asked Shiva for her phone number XP Denied. And ignored haha. When we got off the light rail, he said "Good bye, ladies." When we were outside the light rail, he tapped on the window and waved at us. I would call this a mild interaction... Whew haha.
Mm, on campus, I spent like three hours in Shiva's room before I had to go home. She was doing her reading, while I was napping from time to time. Fun stuff XP Mm... Wish I could have stayed instead of going home. I was getting sooo comfy too haha -_- Didn't wanna get up -grumblegrumble- Why did I get up? ):
Mm, fun day. Lots of awesome, fun times... :)
Going home was terrible.. I was gonna complain about it, but whatever. Fuck it.
Tomorrow, I'm gonna be on campus to talk to Financial Aid people. Will probably take Stats and Social Problems this summer. 9h00 classes four days a week -_- It's like semester all over again. Except longer class times. Mm, fun stuff.
Ooh, get to sign up for Fall classes next Tuesday at 10h40, yay. Kinda got my schedule planned for Fall. Hope I get all morning classes again like my first two semesters of college. I miss that kinda schedule. Could get out early in the day.
Oh, I just did some math haha. I have 77 units right now. Junior status, woot. Add in two summer courses. I'll have 83 at the end of summer. That means after Fall semester, I'll have at least 95 units. Up to Senior status. Does that mean I'd have to start thinking about/applying for graduation? Hmm.
Back to the 77 units... That consists of 42 units for my Core GE, 2 units for PE courses, 27 units earned from testing (APs), and 6 units for just-for-fun classes. One of those just-for-fun classes was Intro to Sociology. Because of that class, of the 42 units I need for my major, I got 3 out of the way (Going to get 6 more out of the way this summer). So I still need 39 (or 33 after summer) for my major. 77 + (6 + 33) = 116. That's like another two semesters and a summer's worth of classes. And then I'd only need like two more electives to get the minimum 120 units for graduation.
And then I've got my Philosophy minor, which would be another 18 units. But I've taken Moral Philosophy. So that takes out 3 units. So 15 needed for my minor (a whole semester's worth of classes). So 116 + 15 = 131. If I did my math right and I stick to this plan, I could possibly graduate with 131 units in Fall 2011. Latest would probably be Spring 2012.
All this just means I've been on track for a timely graduation without realizing it XD hahaha. And here I thought I'd be graduating after five or six years of college. Though, of course, I could decide to change my major or something. That could get in the way of a timely graduation.
Blah. Life better work out somewhat well for all this crap and stuff I'm putting myself through -_- haha...
We watched the first showing of "Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time." I saw Jovany working the register :P Anyway, I didn't really know anything about the storyline. But the movie was all right, somewhat interesting. Really, I liked the music the most haha. And Garsiv was my favorite character, even if his part wasn't really all that crucial to the plot :P Oh yea, Shiva pointed out that the Persians all had European accents XD Oh, British actors and their accents haha.
Anyway, after the movie, Shiva and I went shopping >_> Kinda. More like she picked out stuff and I tried them on haha. She tried to get my opinion in on the choices, but, like I say over and over again, I do not like shopping, am not fun to shop with, and would never wish to shop. First time in a really long time that anyone outside of my family has tried to help me buy clothes XD In the end, I bought two pairs of shorts from Target for about $36. Shiva bought stuff too haha.
Food from Sbarro. Pizza and bread sticks. First time eating from there for me. Apparently not as good as the other times Shiva has gotten food from Sbarro.
Ooh, I saw Trieu twice with his family. Once in the food court and the other time at the theater. He and I need to hang out more often haha. Been way too long.
Haha when Shiva and I walked around the mall, a girl working at one of those makeup island thingies tried to stop us to try some lip gloss or something. I was gonna keep going. But Shiva had to reply and stop XP As she was being pulled in, I slowly walked away and ignored the chick. I waited in front of a store window looking at skateboard sets. I want the Pacman board :D It was pretty awesome. 90 bucks too.
Anyway, Shiva and I decided to head to campus around 17h30. Light rail from Oakridge to Ohlone, from Ohlone to San Antonio. Haha while we were waiting for the light rail at Oakridge, there was a mom there with her son, who was climbing on a fence. All I can remember about her was that she kept scolding her son for climbing the fence and saying stuff about the police and Internal Affairs or something O_o
Haha a while after we got on the light rail to campus, some dude, who might have been drunk, asked Shiva for her phone number XP Denied. And ignored haha. When we got off the light rail, he said "Good bye, ladies." When we were outside the light rail, he tapped on the window and waved at us. I would call this a mild interaction... Whew haha.
Mm, on campus, I spent like three hours in Shiva's room before I had to go home. She was doing her reading, while I was napping from time to time. Fun stuff XP Mm... Wish I could have stayed instead of going home. I was getting sooo comfy too haha -_- Didn't wanna get up -grumblegrumble- Why did I get up? ):
Mm, fun day. Lots of awesome, fun times... :)
Going home was terrible.. I was gonna complain about it, but whatever. Fuck it.
Tomorrow, I'm gonna be on campus to talk to Financial Aid people. Will probably take Stats and Social Problems this summer. 9h00 classes four days a week -_- It's like semester all over again. Except longer class times. Mm, fun stuff.
Ooh, get to sign up for Fall classes next Tuesday at 10h40, yay. Kinda got my schedule planned for Fall. Hope I get all morning classes again like my first two semesters of college. I miss that kinda schedule. Could get out early in the day.
Oh, I just did some math haha. I have 77 units right now. Junior status, woot. Add in two summer courses. I'll have 83 at the end of summer. That means after Fall semester, I'll have at least 95 units. Up to Senior status. Does that mean I'd have to start thinking about/applying for graduation? Hmm.
Back to the 77 units... That consists of 42 units for my Core GE, 2 units for PE courses, 27 units earned from testing (APs), and 6 units for just-for-fun classes. One of those just-for-fun classes was Intro to Sociology. Because of that class, of the 42 units I need for my major, I got 3 out of the way (Going to get 6 more out of the way this summer). So I still need 39 (or 33 after summer) for my major. 77 + (6 + 33) = 116. That's like another two semesters and a summer's worth of classes. And then I'd only need like two more electives to get the minimum 120 units for graduation.
And then I've got my Philosophy minor, which would be another 18 units. But I've taken Moral Philosophy. So that takes out 3 units. So 15 needed for my minor (a whole semester's worth of classes). So 116 + 15 = 131. If I did my math right and I stick to this plan, I could possibly graduate with 131 units in Fall 2011. Latest would probably be Spring 2012.
All this just means I've been on track for a timely graduation without realizing it XD hahaha. And here I thought I'd be graduating after five or six years of college. Though, of course, I could decide to change my major or something. That could get in the way of a timely graduation.
Blah. Life better work out somewhat well for all this crap and stuff I'm putting myself through -_- haha...
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
I think I have a very light sunburn on my legs and lips...
I went to campus today around 11 to see if I could talk to the Sociology Department about a summer class I'm waiting on. Need the add code before next Wednesday so I can apply for Financial Aid. The professor for SOCI 154 still hasn't emailed me back T-T Makes me sad. I want that class! I'd get to stay on campus all day Mondays and Wednesdays for five weeks.
Anyway, going to the Department didn't really help any. Sad. So I'm just gonna wait till Sunday or Monday. If I still don't get an email, then I'll add another class (whose professor will hopefully give me an add code). If I end up with only the Statistics class I already signed up for, then I can't get aid and I'll have to pay about $1200. And I don't plan to drop that class because it seems I'd still have to pay the 1200. Plus a $20 processing fee -_-
After this whole thing, I sat at a picnic table for about an hour, reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies XD I find it funny that Mrs Schwalen recommended this book to me haha. But it's a good book -nod-
Mm, then I hung out with Shiva for the rest of the day haha. We were in her dorm for a while, doing summer class schedule stuff and other things. Talked a bit with two of her roommates (such interesting people). Then Shiva and I went outside to chill and talk in front of CVB. We migrated quite a bit around that area. From the steps to the square thingy to the grass to a bench to another bench. Also, interesting conversation topics haha.
Intriguing indeed.
Oh, we watched high school graduates in green gowns walk past us to the Event Center. I don't remember which high school uses green gowns, hm. Oh, we also watched a guy on fixed-gear bike bump into a trash can, which was definitely not firmly attached to the ground haha.
When Shiva started feeling cold (lots of wind apparently, despite all the sunshine), we went back into CVB, and interesting games ensued. I was like a lost little kid for a while T-T So mean of her.
Anyway, stuff stuff stuff... That's all I'm updating about today haha. Just thinking today was a pretty good day. Went home happy, and Mother didn't even really yell at me. Probably because the sun was still out when I came home.
So tiiired now @_@
Oh yeah, I learned of a secret today XD Quite intriguing. It's an awesome secret, and it totally made my day :P
Anyway, I don't really know what else to say. But I liked today for the most part. I got to be outside and stuffs ^_^ Couldn't ask for more. Well, I could, but I'm not gonna be greedy :P
Anyway, going to the Department didn't really help any. Sad. So I'm just gonna wait till Sunday or Monday. If I still don't get an email, then I'll add another class (whose professor will hopefully give me an add code). If I end up with only the Statistics class I already signed up for, then I can't get aid and I'll have to pay about $1200. And I don't plan to drop that class because it seems I'd still have to pay the 1200. Plus a $20 processing fee -_-
After this whole thing, I sat at a picnic table for about an hour, reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies XD I find it funny that Mrs Schwalen recommended this book to me haha. But it's a good book -nod-
Mm, then I hung out with Shiva for the rest of the day haha. We were in her dorm for a while, doing summer class schedule stuff and other things. Talked a bit with two of her roommates (such interesting people). Then Shiva and I went outside to chill and talk in front of CVB. We migrated quite a bit around that area. From the steps to the square thingy to the grass to a bench to another bench. Also, interesting conversation topics haha.
Intriguing indeed.
Oh, we watched high school graduates in green gowns walk past us to the Event Center. I don't remember which high school uses green gowns, hm. Oh, we also watched a guy on fixed-gear bike bump into a trash can, which was definitely not firmly attached to the ground haha.
When Shiva started feeling cold (lots of wind apparently, despite all the sunshine), we went back into CVB, and interesting games ensued. I was like a lost little kid for a while T-T So mean of her.
Anyway, stuff stuff stuff... That's all I'm updating about today haha. Just thinking today was a pretty good day. Went home happy, and Mother didn't even really yell at me. Probably because the sun was still out when I came home.
So tiiired now @_@
Oh yeah, I learned of a secret today XD Quite intriguing. It's an awesome secret, and it totally made my day :P
Anyway, I don't really know what else to say. But I liked today for the most part. I got to be outside and stuffs ^_^ Couldn't ask for more. Well, I could, but I'm not gonna be greedy :P
Monday, June 7, 2010
Acidic words leads to summer classes?
Yesterday (the 6th), I, along with two guys (Shiva's friend and her cousin, I forgot their names XP), spent most of my awake time helping Shiva move stuff down five floors to her room for the summer. Fun stuff. And hey, I had met one of her summer roommates during my freshman orientation. I remembered her haha. And then another roommate had shown up to one of QTIP's last meetings.
Anyway, Shiva has a lot of stuff XP Sooo much stuff. It had initially seemed like a daunting task, but it actually wasn't that bad. And yay for elevators. Le, if you ever read this, elevators can save lives XD haha.
Lots of fun time had been had yesterday haha. Lots of dust @_@ Finding a bit of change here and there (Though, nowhere near enough to surpass Ariane's and Alex D's collections of change haha). Also, Shiva's roommates left hella stuff behind for her haha. So generous XP Not really, but yeah. So much pasta. Oh, the poster I got her, she put it on the wall crookedly D: and then it fell T-T I feel so unappreciated.
Oh, so the four of us went to eat at Tandoori Oven. First time I actually ever went to go eat Indian food haha. Interesting stuff :P Although, I didn't really eat much more than half a wrap. Took the rest home. They stared at me as I was eating >_<
But anyway, yeah, fun day.
Going home at 20h00 wasn't as fun. Mother kept calling me to yell at me to go home. Even when I was already on the light rail. Oh, a fire truck and an ambulance came to the light rail stop. I don't know why though. I just looked at the vehicles and listened to my music. I didn't even see who was injured.
The car ride home was definitely not enjoyable. Mother bitched at me for coming home late. Really, after all these months (really, years) of yelling at me and seeing no positive results, she should fuckin' let it go and give up the bullshit. I know she gets angry 'cause she cares. But sometimes, it doesn't feel like that's the only reason, you know? Whatever. I'm trying to deal with it. But gahh, I really just want to get the fuck away.
Oh, so Mother saw the clam chowder and stuff that Shiva made me take home XP She told me I should give the stuff away because it could be bad for me. She said "expired," but I already checked the dates and they're fine. Still, she doesn't want me eating them. She's paranoid again.
So much stuff I could say right now about what Mother said. Just know I'm pretty fuckin' pissed off.. And her words, though they may only be words, burn like acid. And I can't just wash away the fuckin' burns. Honestly, she could just throw a pot of boiling water on me, and it wouldn't hurt as much as her words do.. Just can't take it..
Anyway, because of this tension that I'm choosing not to deal with, I'm thinking of taking summer classes. I still have about nine days to sign up for classes. I'm thinking of taking the SOCI 100W (Writing Workshop) and SOCI 154 (Sociology and Non-Conforming Behavior) during the second session. SOCI 154 ends at 21h45 though, so I'ma get in trouble with Mother for that one. I could sign up for first session classes, but those start today. And I still need to go to the Financial Aid Office to see if I can take the summer classes anyway.
Also, I need to call one of the Philosophy advisors today to declare a minor. Hm.
So plan for today: Wake up early to sign up for the two classes (minimum of six units met). Go to the Financial Aid Office. Call the Philosophy advisor.
Hopefully, that's all I have to do.
Oh yeah, I might have to go to the SJPD with Mother for something that they probably can't help us with. Maybe I'll just tell her to take Brother instead, since he can deal with people and I need to get this school stuff done. Also, I just cannot stand to be around her anymore, nonetheless help her with shit I don't really care about. Brother and Mother have probably been talking to each other more than I have to both of them combined. Sad reality of my current world, and I don't really want to care anymore. I have my reasons, and still I feel like shit..
And this is why I need to get the hell away. I need a fuckin' break! Just rid my life of all this fuckin' negativity. Get myself on track and get happy. Need to feel like I'm doing something right 'cause I haven't felt like I've done anything right in who knows how long.
Haha I managed to go almost four months without posting an anger-tagged entry. I thought it would help. I thought it did. But nah, it hasn't helped me calm down much if at all. Feels like I've been a lot angrier than I've ever been before. But I'm still doing the same thing I've always done.
And you know, I thought finally updating a tiny lil bit about the anger would help. I guess it kinda does, but I still feel just as crappy as before. I suppose I do need to do something. I'm still just a scared lil kid though. I know I need to make changes in my life, to feel better. But, damn, that is something I don't know how to do. Nor am I sure I would be able to follow through.
Ahhh.. Really, I just wanna be angry. Like real angry. Explode, just like they do. And see if I feel better afterward. 'Cause what I'm doing now, keeping quiet, is not helping. It just hurts..
It feels like it could.. I can't say, but it could do something to me..
You know what sucks? I can write a whole lot about the negative stuff, but I can never really find the right words to describe all the good things that happen. And I hate that part about me too.
Anyway, Shiva has a lot of stuff XP Sooo much stuff. It had initially seemed like a daunting task, but it actually wasn't that bad. And yay for elevators. Le, if you ever read this, elevators can save lives XD haha.
Lots of fun time had been had yesterday haha. Lots of dust @_@ Finding a bit of change here and there (Though, nowhere near enough to surpass Ariane's and Alex D's collections of change haha). Also, Shiva's roommates left hella stuff behind for her haha. So generous XP Not really, but yeah. So much pasta. Oh, the poster I got her, she put it on the wall crookedly D: and then it fell T-T I feel so unappreciated.
Oh, so the four of us went to eat at Tandoori Oven. First time I actually ever went to go eat Indian food haha. Interesting stuff :P Although, I didn't really eat much more than half a wrap. Took the rest home. They stared at me as I was eating >_<
But anyway, yeah, fun day.
Going home at 20h00 wasn't as fun. Mother kept calling me to yell at me to go home. Even when I was already on the light rail. Oh, a fire truck and an ambulance came to the light rail stop. I don't know why though. I just looked at the vehicles and listened to my music. I didn't even see who was injured.
The car ride home was definitely not enjoyable. Mother bitched at me for coming home late. Really, after all these months (really, years) of yelling at me and seeing no positive results, she should fuckin' let it go and give up the bullshit. I know she gets angry 'cause she cares. But sometimes, it doesn't feel like that's the only reason, you know? Whatever. I'm trying to deal with it. But gahh, I really just want to get the fuck away.
Oh, so Mother saw the clam chowder and stuff that Shiva made me take home XP She told me I should give the stuff away because it could be bad for me. She said "expired," but I already checked the dates and they're fine. Still, she doesn't want me eating them. She's paranoid again.
So much stuff I could say right now about what Mother said. Just know I'm pretty fuckin' pissed off.. And her words, though they may only be words, burn like acid. And I can't just wash away the fuckin' burns. Honestly, she could just throw a pot of boiling water on me, and it wouldn't hurt as much as her words do.. Just can't take it..
Anyway, because of this tension that I'm choosing not to deal with, I'm thinking of taking summer classes. I still have about nine days to sign up for classes. I'm thinking of taking the SOCI 100W (Writing Workshop) and SOCI 154 (Sociology and Non-Conforming Behavior) during the second session. SOCI 154 ends at 21h45 though, so I'ma get in trouble with Mother for that one. I could sign up for first session classes, but those start today. And I still need to go to the Financial Aid Office to see if I can take the summer classes anyway.
Also, I need to call one of the Philosophy advisors today to declare a minor. Hm.
So plan for today: Wake up early to sign up for the two classes (minimum of six units met). Go to the Financial Aid Office. Call the Philosophy advisor.
Hopefully, that's all I have to do.
Oh yeah, I might have to go to the SJPD with Mother for something that they probably can't help us with. Maybe I'll just tell her to take Brother instead, since he can deal with people and I need to get this school stuff done. Also, I just cannot stand to be around her anymore, nonetheless help her with shit I don't really care about. Brother and Mother have probably been talking to each other more than I have to both of them combined. Sad reality of my current world, and I don't really want to care anymore. I have my reasons, and still I feel like shit..
And this is why I need to get the hell away. I need a fuckin' break! Just rid my life of all this fuckin' negativity. Get myself on track and get happy. Need to feel like I'm doing something right 'cause I haven't felt like I've done anything right in who knows how long.
Haha I managed to go almost four months without posting an anger-tagged entry. I thought it would help. I thought it did. But nah, it hasn't helped me calm down much if at all. Feels like I've been a lot angrier than I've ever been before. But I'm still doing the same thing I've always done.
And you know, I thought finally updating a tiny lil bit about the anger would help. I guess it kinda does, but I still feel just as crappy as before. I suppose I do need to do something. I'm still just a scared lil kid though. I know I need to make changes in my life, to feel better. But, damn, that is something I don't know how to do. Nor am I sure I would be able to follow through.
Ahhh.. Really, I just wanna be angry. Like real angry. Explode, just like they do. And see if I feel better afterward. 'Cause what I'm doing now, keeping quiet, is not helping. It just hurts..
It feels like it could.. I can't say, but it could do something to me..
You know what sucks? I can write a whole lot about the negative stuff, but I can never really find the right words to describe all the good things that happen. And I hate that part about me too.
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