Acidic words leads to summer classes?

Yesterday (the 6th), I, along with two guys (Shiva's friend and her cousin, I forgot their names XP), spent most of my awake time helping Shiva move stuff down five floors to her room for the summer. Fun stuff. And hey, I had met one of her summer roommates during my freshman orientation. I remembered her haha. And then another roommate had shown up to one of QTIP's last meetings.

Anyway, Shiva has a lot of stuff XP Sooo much stuff. It had initially seemed like a daunting task, but it actually wasn't that bad. And yay for elevators. Le, if you ever read this, elevators can save lives XD haha.

Lots of fun time had been had yesterday haha. Lots of dust @_@ Finding a bit of change here and there (Though, nowhere near enough to surpass Ariane's and Alex D's collections of change haha). Also, Shiva's roommates left hella stuff behind for her haha. So generous XP Not really, but yeah. So much pasta. Oh, the poster I got her, she put it on the wall crookedly D: and then it fell T-T I feel so unappreciated.

Oh, so the four of us went to eat at Tandoori Oven. First time I actually ever went to go eat Indian food haha. Interesting stuff :P Although, I didn't really eat much more than half a wrap. Took the rest home. They stared at me as I was eating >_<

But anyway, yeah, fun day.


Going home at 20h00 wasn't as fun. Mother kept calling me to yell at me to go home. Even when I was already on the light rail. Oh, a fire truck and an ambulance came to the light rail stop. I don't know why though. I just looked at the vehicles and listened to my music. I didn't even see who was injured.

The car ride home was definitely not enjoyable. Mother bitched at me for coming home late. Really, after all these months (really, years) of yelling at me and seeing no positive results, she should fuckin' let it go and give up the bullshit. I know she gets angry 'cause she cares. But sometimes, it doesn't feel like that's the only reason, you know? Whatever. I'm trying to deal with it. But gahh, I really just want to get the fuck away.

Oh, so Mother saw the clam chowder and stuff that Shiva made me take home XP She told me I should give the stuff away because it could be bad for me. She said "expired," but I already checked the dates and they're fine. Still, she doesn't want me eating them. She's paranoid again.

So much stuff I could say right now about what Mother said. Just know I'm pretty fuckin' pissed off.. And her words, though they may only be words, burn like acid. And I can't just wash away the fuckin' burns. Honestly, she could just throw a pot of boiling water on me, and it wouldn't hurt as much as her words do.. Just can't take it..


Anyway, because of this tension that I'm choosing not to deal with, I'm thinking of taking summer classes. I still have about nine days to sign up for classes. I'm thinking of taking the SOCI 100W (Writing Workshop) and SOCI 154 (Sociology and Non-Conforming Behavior) during the second session. SOCI 154 ends at 21h45 though, so I'ma get in trouble with Mother for that one. I could sign up for first session classes, but those start today. And I still need to go to the Financial Aid Office to see if I can take the summer classes anyway.

Also, I need to call one of the Philosophy advisors today to declare a minor. Hm.

So plan for today: Wake up early to sign up for the two classes (minimum of six units met). Go to the Financial Aid Office. Call the Philosophy advisor.

Hopefully, that's all I have to do.

Oh yeah, I might have to go to the SJPD with Mother for something that they probably can't help us with. Maybe I'll just tell her to take Brother instead, since he can deal with people and I need to get this school stuff done. Also, I just cannot stand to be around her anymore, nonetheless help her with shit I don't really care about. Brother and Mother have probably been talking to each other more than I have to both of them combined. Sad reality of my current world, and I don't really want to care anymore. I have my reasons, and still I feel like shit..

And this is why I need to get the hell away. I need a fuckin' break! Just rid my life of all this fuckin' negativity. Get myself on track and get happy. Need to feel like I'm doing something right 'cause I haven't felt like I've done anything right in who knows how long.


Haha I managed to go almost four months without posting an anger-tagged entry. I thought it would help. I thought it did. But nah, it hasn't helped me calm down much if at all. Feels like I've been a lot angrier than I've ever been before. But I'm still doing the same thing I've always done.

And you know, I thought finally updating a tiny lil bit about the anger would help. I guess it kinda does, but I still feel just as crappy as before. I suppose I do need to do something. I'm still just a scared lil kid though. I know I need to make changes in my life, to feel better. But, damn, that is something I don't know how to do. Nor am I sure I would be able to follow through.


Ahhh.. Really, I just wanna be angry. Like real angry. Explode, just like they do. And see if I feel better afterward. 'Cause what I'm doing now, keeping quiet, is not helping. It just hurts..

It feels like it could.. I can't say, but it could do something to me..


You know what sucks? I can write a whole lot about the negative stuff, but I can never really find the right words to describe all the good things that happen. And I hate that part about me too.