Ending 2018; Starting 2019

2018 went by so fast. I feel like I only just started 2018 a couple of months ago, but a lot has happened this year.

----

Usually, around this time of year, I like to look back on the events of the current year and make plans for the next, occasionally waxing poetic about changes. This time is no different haha.

2018 was a personally fulfilling year. I did things I wanted to do, whether on the spur of the moment or as part of a planned bucket list activity.
+Donated peripheral blood stem cells (Feb)
+Started my Invisalign adjustments (Mar)
+Attended Seven Lions’ Chronicles Chapter 1 in Seattle (May)
+Left a $100 tip on a cheaper meal (May)
+Attended my 10-year high school reunion (Jun)
+Donated my hair after growing it out for nearly 3 years (Aug)
+Visited Colorado and attended Illenium’s show at Red Rocks (Aug)
+Walked through a corn maze (Sep)
+Went skydiving (Nov)
+Went axe-throwing (Nov)

I spent a lot of money (14+ shows, Audiotistic, 2 Dreamstates, and EDC LV) because I decided to forego a reasonable budget. But because of all these fun adventures, all my lovely friends, and some calculated personal changes, I was able to get myself into a better mental space. The splurging was a way for me to take a break from reality and to reward myself for doing better.

2017 and the beginning of 2018 had me struggling through a lot of depressive and anxiety-ridden episodes; I sometimes wondered if I would make it to the end of the year. However, as this year progressed, I gradually turned my thoughts and worries around; I'm not super peppy or overly optimistic, but I feel more level-headed in my mental/emotional approach to my fears and worries. I definitely still have occasional setbacks, but they don't feel as oh-no-it's-the-end-of-the-world as they did at the beginning of 2018. The things that I can't seem to change, I've learned to accept; I'm always going to be an over-thinker, but consistently recognizing that what I think doesn't necessarily reflect reality has helped me maintain a grip on my sanity and perspective. Woo, progress!

----

I had planned to quit my job on my birthday, but I decided to stay after my employer offered to increase my pay a bit and move me to another team. I'm grateful to still have a job during the holidays. I'm still helping out my old team because of an abnormally large amount of work that came in; so I haven't really learned anything for my new team. To be honest, I haven't really felt motivated to learn new workflows. And the reasons that made me want to leave in the first place are still there. I'm still putting out the best work I can and helping the team as much as I can, but I find myself feeling extremely apathetic about the job on most days.

----

Recently, I had developed a minor crush on a guy. It's been an interesting experience. We're getting to know each other better. We're friends. We've kissed.

At first, I didn't know what it meant because we didn't really talk about it. We're friends, but we're physically and intellectually attracted to each other; overall, this is the most attracted I've felt toward any guy in my life. I wasn't sure if the emotional attraction was or would ever be there. I said as much; he concurred.

In my weird mistrust of people's words, I thought he was playing games and really could be interested in a romantic relationship. It worried me because I don't like the imbalance of feelings in any relationship. So I worried myself, wondering, "Could I be emotionally attracted to him? Emotionally attracted to a man? If I could, what would be so bad about that?" Other people's opinions... I think my mom would feel relief, which bothers me because of the I-told-you-you're-not-really-gay aspect of it. I'm also uncertain of how my queer friends would take it. Hopefully not bad because I've always said I wanted to be open to the possibility of being emotionally attracted to and falling in love with a man. And I am open to it. I came to that conclusion after some major self-reflection.

I let him know what I was thinking. He said we can just be friends. (What he says is what he means, which I'm learning to trust and take at face value. Typically, some guys, who said they only wanted friendship, were really hoping for more, which put a weird strain on our friendships.) I was disappointed by his response but not as much as I thought I would be. Probably because of the lack of emotional connection haha; he's not a very emotional person, whereas I am; he's more of a let-it-go person, whereas I'm not. So it works out. I'm over it now.

We're still friends. We're still physically attracted to each other. We've set our boundaries.

----

I'm going to ring in the new year at Kaskade's show in SF with Matt and his new boyfriend, Khai. I don't think any of our other close friends will be there; they're either keeping it low-key or going to another NYE event. This will be a different experience. I've always gone to NYE events with people who were there with me. I know Matt and Khai will be there, but I don't know if it will be quite the same with my third-wheel status haha. I know I'll have fun no matter what though; so it doesn't really matter.

----

I don’t have many plans for 2019 yet, and the few I have are tentative as always. I’m also gonna set another EDM ticket budget, and I won't scrap it this time.

Shows and Festivals:
+Wobbleland - SF
+Gryffin - SF
+Excision - SF
+EDC LV of course

Other:
+Finish my Invisalign adjustments sometime in March
+Bucket list: Go to a range and shoot something. (I've put this off for so long.)
+Bucket list: Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge. (I've also put this off for too long.)
+LASIK
-I bought a camping package for Electric Forest 2019; however, I’m going to sell it to put that money toward the LASIK and/or family instead. (The brother is out of a job; so I feel weird trying to plan multiple expensive vacations while he's struggling.)
+Attend a different, cheaper, and closer music festival instead
+Skydive again, hopefully without glasses this time
+New tattoo
+Camping with friends
+Visit at least one new place; haven't decided where yet

----

I'm always thinking about change. About how I really want it, about how I strongly want to avoid it, about how it's necessary for life.

But at this point, I don't know what changes I want to make. I think the best I can do are the physical changes (i.e. Invisalign, LASIK, wardrobe). The mental changes are harder because I don't know what needs to improve. My self-image is better than ever; not great, but better than it has been.

I think getting a new job will probably become a priority for this year. I've been on my team for 3.5 years now, and I don't feel much like a valued employee. I mean I am still here and got a small pay raise, but watching most of my coworkers get laid off and be replaced by new hires through a different agency left a terrible taste in my mouth. And the coworkers that are still around are slowly getting jobs elsewhere and leaving. I don't want to be the last one here. I don't want to lose that sense of family that we had all built together. But it's happening. I feel like we're all just hanging on to the last bit of family we have on this project until we can find a new workplace to call home.

Anyway, change is always happening, whether we're aware of it. I guess I just need to take charge of the changes in my life as much as I can.

----

2018 has been a good and weird year. Not my favorite, but it was an enjoyable learning experience.

2017 has been an eventful year so far.

We’re about three-quarters of the way through 2017. There are three months left of the year to enjoy. I feel like I was just on my first flight to Portland a few weeks ago, but that was back in February.

It has been an exciting year, a little different from what I've doing in previous years.

I gave myself a ticket budget for EDM events and have been sticking to it. By the end of this year, I will have only attended eleven events:
Crush SF
Phutureprimitive
Andrew Rayel
Anjunabeats
Martin Garrix (free)
Dreamstate SF day 2 (free)
Untz Festival
EDC LV
Prince Fox
Seven Lions
Illenium

I planned actual travel adventures, and I got to check off several first-time bucket list items:
-Visited Portland (to visit Vivi; first time on a plane by myself; second flight ever)
-Drove on the PCH (first solo road trip)
-Visited Santa Barbara (to see Summer)
-Paid off my car loan (despite not getting credit for it)
-Played paintball (my bruises are still there)
-Visited Seattle and Vancouver, Canada (with Matt)
-Left the US for the first time ever in my life
-Visited San Diego/La Jolla
-Flew over the Pacific Ocean to visit Hawaii

I'm proud of myself for trying some new activities and kinda getting out of my comfort zone.

My ticket budget has been easy to stick to. Though, I should have accounted for the events at the end of the year, like Escape and Countdown. I'm a little disappointed that I won't be attending Escape this year. It's one of my favorite events, and the lineup this year makes me happy. I need a little more Darren Styles in my life. But it's okay. I'm sticking to my budget out of principle haha. What's the point of having a budget if I don't follow it? Because of my budget and finishing my car payments, I've been able to save more than twice as much as I have in the three years before. It's an achievement I'm very proud of.

Traveling has been an overall interesting experience. Mostly rewarding. And eye-opening in unexpected ways. I've come to the conclusion that I am not much of a traveler or adventurer. I am a homebody at heart. But I will continue to travel to push myself out of my comfort zone every so often, to visit friends, and to create memories with my friends. I need to start planning and budgeting for 2018.

----

I don't have many set plans for the rest of 2017. Four more shows in October and November (Oh Wonder, Tegan and Sara, Seven Lions, and Illenium). No travels. Maybe my fourth tattoo, maybe not. I'm just thinking about the cost of a half sleeve or even just a mid-size tattoo with color. Hmm... It would be wiser to save the money.

Maybe I'll try to knock out some other bucket list items instead. I should look at my list and see what I can fit in.

----

As for 2018, I have ideas of what I would like to do for the year.

I have just over a year until I will cut my hair. October 17, 2018. I look forward to this day. I feel like this next year is gonna feel slow because I want to cut my hair. Depending on how I feel about my hair at the time, after I cut off the hair I'm donating, I may either keep a short cut (pixie?) or shave everything again haha. So many choices. I can't wait to free my head of the weight haha.

In terms of EDM events, I haven't decided if I will follow another strict budget. I make a little more money now than I did when I created this year's budget. I also don't have car payments anymore. I'm not really saving my money for anything other than to save. But I don't know which direction my job is really going in. I don't know if I'll continue to make as much as I do now. I feel like I should prepare for the worst, even though I may be worrying myself over nothing.

Anyway, what seems to be certain is EDC LV in May. Fifth year with slightly cooler temperatures? Why not? I can't seem to say no haha. And it seems the rave fam wants to go. The less certain festivals are Untz, Electric Forest, and Escape.

Untz Festival is at the beginning of June again, but the festival and parking passes altogether will be at least $30 more than the previous two years. It will also be two weeks after EDC. I don't recover as quickly as I used to; so I don't know if this would be a good idea haha.

Electric Forest at the end of June or beginning of July is also appealing. I've skipped it every time for EDC because of timing and cost. This year, since EDC is a month earlier, there would be little conflict in timing and budget for EF. But I wouldn't have a rave fam to go with.

Also, 10 year high school reunion will be June 30. Gotta think about that too. I can't wait to see my old classmates haha. I can't believe it's already been nine years since I've seen most of them.

Potential travel plans for 2018 include Lake Tahoe, Portland, Colorado, Chicago (Lollapalooza?), East Coast (New York and DC), and London. I want to apply for Global Entry if I do decide to visit London. I want to make my travels as simple and easy as possible. I also kinda feel like 2018 will be my last travel year if I do follow through with these plans. After next year, maybe I'll just travel once or twice a year if at all. Traveling is exhausting; my goals for traveling is just to exist in a new place. Goals have been achieved. It feels good. But I think I'm a bit of a boring travel partner because everyone else enjoys exploring. I just wanna know what it feels like to be a lazy local haha. People-watching in foreign places is awesome.

If I go back to Hawaii, I'm gonna check out Kauai instead of Honolulu and Waikiki. I've been told it's one of the best places for introverts. And I think I would enjoy it very much.

When spring starts next year, I'll finally go whale-watching, skydiving, and riding in a hot air balloon. I say this, but who knows if I'll follow through? I just need to make legit plans and set things into motion.

----

My family is doing all right. Health is holding out. Relations are a little strained. Emotions and moods could be better. But that's nothing new. There had been talks of change in terms of actions and living situations, but everything is still pretty much as it was a year ago. I guess we're maintaining course.

Hmm, I should plan next year with my family and future in mind. Retirement and pre-school costs. So many things to think about.

----

I live a very fortunate life. I live in the US, I am relatively healthy, I have a job that pays me enough to live a comfortable life, and I have the ability to make decisions that contribute to a more fortunate future. I am grateful for the cards I have been dealt.

Sometimes, I'm torn between feeling grateful and feeling undeserving. But I can only move forward and contribute as much good as I can into the world, even if it feels inconsequential. I must try.

Halfway through 2017

I didn't stick to everything I said I would do this year. Oh well.

I didn't go to CRSSD or Beyond So Cal. My generous friends paid for my Sunday ticket for Dreamstate SF, and I did go to EDC Las Vegas for the fourth time but with just Matt (and Ant and Christina) and had an amazing time. I dipped out early the first and third nights though. Regrets. Oh well. Gotta listen to my body when it's telling me to rest.

EDC ate up more than half of my ticket budget for the year. About $120 left to spend for the last six months. It's cool though. While the fomo kinda sucks, I'm feeling all right with my music decisions. More money toward traveling, yay!

I visited Vivi in Portland in February, and that was mostly fun. A weekend in the life of Vivi. I learned a lot and was amazed by how many luscious, green trees there were. Pace of life is definitely much more chill than the Bay Area. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was going too fast haha. It was a nice change for sure. I gotta go back and explore.

Santa Barbara in March was great; I spent some time with Summer, who was my Untz buddy last year. Year 2 of Untz was even better. Summer brought a group of her friends, and we caravanned to Mariposa. All the underground bass music we could handle.

I made a couple of not-so-great decisions in Santa Barbara and again at Untz. Anxiety and paranoia have been miserable friends since, and it's been a slow and agonizing process to learn how to cope. But I'm doing it. Properly? I'm not sure. I still need to find a therapist.

But hey, I finally went to the dentist after almost six years. My teeth are pretty darn healthy, but I brush too hard. So I've been practicing gentle brushing haha.

Anyway, back to traveling. Matt and I flew to Seattle and took a train to Vancouver during Fourth of July weekend. That was exciting. First time in Seattle, first time on Amtrak (I think), and definitely my first time out of the US. Lots of new experiences and plenty of delicious food.

We had dinner at the restaurant at the top of the Space Needle. That was the most expensive dinner I had ever eaten or paid for. $50 minimum per person. I understand why it's so costly, but it's ridiculous. We got a great view of Seattle though on the observation deck. Then Matt's friend Jonathan picked us up to take us to Capitol Hill to check out Purr and R Place. I just sat along the wall and chilled.

MoPOP was fascinating; so much pop culture knowledge in one location. A lot of familiar movies and TV shows, but I probably noticeably reacted to a handful of exhibits. Afterward, we walked through Pike Place Market, but it was too crowded for my comfort. So we walked to Moon's Kitchen. Delicious.

The train ride to Vancouver was nice. Although, I do recall being mooned by a man and woman on a beach at some point. That was... different. When we arrived in Vancouver, there was a fireworks show happening near our hotel because it was Canada Day. The whole weekend was a celebration; so it was cool to see Canadians celebrate all weekend, while I knew my friends back home were celebrating Independence Day weekend as well.

We had to take a taxi to our hotel from the train station, but it took a while since all of the taxis were picking people up near the fireworks show. We probably got to the hotel after midnight. The hotel upgraded our room to a suite. So fancy. 4 times the amount we paid. I could have spent my whole vacation in that room if I hadn't already paid to do things outside of it haha.

Waking up late the next day, we walked to Heritage Asian Eatery. The name made us a little doubtful, but the food surprised us. Very satisfying meal. After a bit of rest, we took the SkyTrain to the Richmond Night Market. Again, surprised. So many Asians. So much good food. Matt and I left the market with adorable plushies. I now have a six-limbed octopus that has a mustache, top hat, and monocle haha.

We checked out Davie Street because why not? Gay night life on a Sunday. Ended up at The Pumpjack Pub >.> interesting name. Had a beer and didn't do much.

Our last day in Vancouver, we took a seabus and a regular bus to Capilano Suspension Bridge Park. Beautiful and calming place, too many children. The suspension bridge itself scared me at first because it felt like it was trying to buck me off. But I managed to find a rhythm to the movement haha.

We had our last meal in North Vancouver at Mr. Sushi. So worth the money. They don't overdo it with the rice. So I actually managed to finish two full rolls along with one piece from one of Matt's rolls.

The train ride back to Seattle was a bit irritating. We arrived at the station at 5:30am, an hour before departure. The train was late. We waited in line to get our seat assignments. But that line didn't open until 6:30. Fortunately, Canadian customs was quick. I think our train departed over an hour late. US customs on the train was much quicker than I expected; so that was nice. Still, we got to Seattle with no time to eat. Jonathan picked us up and dropped us off at the airport. Then we were back haha.

We spent the rest of our day hanging out at Cat's with Ant, Bella, Kim (Cat's coworker), and Amenda. Good day :)


I didn't mean to say so much about my vacation, but it's there now.

We're still planning to go to Hawaii in September for Matt's birthday. Everything has been bought. Activities just need to be planned.

No other set plans for now. Going to try to make time to visit Shiva in So Cal before the summer is over.


Oh, I applied for an open position on another team at work and got it. I've been learning new things at work for the past three months. I was hoping taking on this new role and more responsibilities would increase my interest in work, but it didn't. Oh well. I'm still learning, and I've been doing pretty well in my new role. I'm happy with that.


----

I've been re-evaluating my life a lot. Thinking about the overall journey, the adventures and misadventures, luck and misfortune, wonderful help and terrible advice, good and bad decisions. Not sure how I'm feeling about it all.

I've been feeling disconnected from people again. I think I've been putting myself around so many people so frequently that it's taking a toll on me.

Maybe I just need to change a few small things in my life. Get a fresh perspective or something. I'm gonna try to rearrange my bedroom tomorrow. Maybe that will help.

I'm so averse to change, but I know I need it sometimes.


I don't know what I'm doing for the rest of the year, but I need to start making more plans. I still want to do something other than rave. I also just wanna feel like I'm getting my life right, whatever that means.

----

There is a cat in my room at the moment. I should attend to her before she rips up my bed sheets.

Weekend of Destiny

I spent this past Friday and Saturday experiencing many new things. First inaugural festival. First small festival. First time really camping. First time going to a festival with a stranger (so it was almost like a solo trip). First time making strong connections with folks on my own. First time spending most of festival sitting down and still enjoying everything haha.

The Untz Festival. Top-notch everything. People, venue, production, music, atmosphere, everything.

Initially, I was planning to go completely solo. No idea with lodging or transportation. But in April, I decided to post on the Facebook event page to see anyone would adopt me into their group for the weekend. This wonderful stranger named Summer from SB replied to say she was going solo as well and offered to share her tent with me. And so the start of adventure was in the making.

I picked up Summer from the Greyhound stop at the Caltrain station early in the morning on Friday. We spent some time in downtown getting her coffee and getting food supplies from Safeway. Also, I was trying so damn hard to find a restroom to use. Nothing open before 9. Flames came through and let me use the restroom without having to buy anything haha. Thank goodness. Anyway...

Mariposa County Fairgrounds. Such a beautiful place. It only took about 2.5 hours to get there from San Jose. We set up camp in one of the pavilions and greeted some neighbors. Dusty, but not too bad. I think this was also the first time I've brought so much stuff with me. Not used to it. Used to hotels providing enough that I only bring one or two bags. Oh, but the heat. So hot. I was dying during the day (99 degrees! Low-80s at 9AM. Survived off of watermelon slushy drinks and caffeinated beverages). But luckily, the day stages, Half Dome and El Capitan, had canopies or mesh cover thingies (I really don't know what they're called). The night stages, Matterhorn and Glacier Point, were indoors and farther away from the main camping areas. All beautiful and unique setups. Initially, I thought the stages and screens were really small. But when the visuals came on, I was so blown away.

Hippie/gypsy vibes were new to me, but they grew on me and I loved it. People were so weird but so friendly; I mean, people have been nice at the other events I've attended, but the friendliness and atmosphere here were something else. Summer and I met several folks, whom we continued to run into throughout the weekend. Nate first (SF) and his friend Claire. Summer's new rave bae Zach and his friends Eric and Derek, all from 2 hours north of Seattle. All sorts of weirdness ensued. I loved it all. And I'm so grateful that everyone I met didn't mind that I was a follower haha. Too nervous to explore on my own. Maybe next year.

I came in only knowing of a handful of the artists (mostly of the melodic bass genre). I left, knowing there are so much more I want to listen to. Every set I heard was fantastic. All the funk and psychedelic music, I've listened to but never preferred. I still don't think I prefer them, but I have a newfound appreciation for the music. And I would definitely check out more events that feature these types of music. My top sets of the weekend (I'm not even sure I know how to rank them): Said The Sky (great first set to start the weekend), Illenium, Phutureprimitive, Bass Physics, Sugarbeats, Sixis, and Mystral. I listened to Desert Dwellers' set yesterday at work because Summer and I missed their set to nap. (Second time she's missed their set; so I say third time will be the charm.)

Summer and I kept joking that Destiny was on our side all weekend. I don't really believe in fate or destiny. But everything just seemed to fall together so well throughout the weekend. So this weekend became the Weekend of Destiny. Haha because she found rave bae, I got to sleep in our tent by myself both nights XD No complaints. A little lonely, but it was all good. Plenty of self-care and introspection time for myself.

I came into this festival not knowing or expecting anything. Well, okay, I kinda expected to be overwhelmed and not have that great of a time because this was a new festival and I didn't know how my introverted nature would affect my experience. I was very much introverted this weekend, but it didn't prevent me from fully enjoying myself. The friends I made were fucking wonderful, and no one made me feel like a loser for not "fully immersing" myself in the camaraderie. I got to do what I wanted to do without feeling like anyone would judge me for not doing it their way; and I often feel like people would judge me at other events I've gone to. But not at Untz. I was sitting for much of the weekend and not dancing much. But I was totally enjoying every second.

I hope the Untz Festival comes back because I will definitely go again. There is a chance it might not; the turnout was really low. So low that there really weren't any lines for anything, not the vendors, not the restrooms, not the showers. So low that, even at the most packed sets, there was so much room to dance directly in front of the stage. So low there was enough space for all of the flow artists to do their thing in the crowd. People gave space where it was needed. Last time I saw that was at Dreamstate SF, a trance event. I'm so used to people shoving me out of the way otherwise. At Untz, everyone was really nice and courteous :) All such beautiful people, even if I didn't talk to many of them haha.

Oh, just remembered, Summer and I got little chips of abalone shells and Pokemon cards from someone named Mikey. I got Clefable, and Summer got Cofagrigus (never heard of this one before haha). Not big on Pokemon, but it was still very exciting haha.

So much happened this past weekend, but I'm blanking on specifics. I was hoping that writing this entry would jog my memory, but it's not haha. Overall though, this was just an eye-opening and mind-blowing experience. One I didn't think I would ever experience. I mean, I thought EDC was great the first time, but Untz was something else entirely. And to think, I was sober for most of it haha. (Alcohol was cheap though.)

If this happens again, I'm definitely camping. Also definitely gonna try to bring someone with me. If not, well hopefully everyone I met will reunite at the next ^_^

----

I have EDC next week. And I'm already wondering how it will compare to Untz. I've been to EDC twice, and it's been a great experience. But I haven't experienced anything like what I had at the Untz. The EDC crowdedness is gonna get to me for sure. The restrooms won't be the same; they'll be port-a-potties >.< But I'm not gonna let this shit get in the way of my enjoyment. As much as I didn't want to go to EDC this year, I really am looking forward to reuniting with a lot of friends this time around. The past two years, EDC was just for the music; I barely met up with people. This year, music is still important, but I've got so many friends to reconnect with!

So many more festivals I want to go to. I might be adding a couple more to this year >.> All the moneys will be gone... Must pace and save somehow... But Shambhala though... Ahhh. If not this year, maybe next year, the 20th anniversary haha. Hmm...

That alone-in-a-crowded-room feeling.

I have this new tendency to book a lot of fun events for myself and to forget that I can't be around people so often without breaks. Breaks of quiet. Breaks of solitude. Forcing my extroversion again, while ignoring my introvert needs.

I need to spend some time with myself. Outside. It has been months since the last time I did this. I've been surrounded by too many people for too long, as well as alone in the wrong environments for too long. Maybe this is why I haven't completely felt like my happy self in a while. Why I have felt disconnected, lonely, and out of place. I tend to only feel lonely when I'm interested in someone I can't have or when I'm surrounded by a lot of people. I currently find myself in both situations often haha.

Ugh. I need to take better care of myself, to stop running away, to refocus, and to find a new balance. If I could get myself back to how I felt in 2013, that would be great. Ideal.


Also, right now, I find myself somewhat enamored with two people, Cat and Amenda. It's strange to me. I tend to focus on one person and not notice anyone else. But this time, it's different. Funny thing is they're dating each other XD Yeah. They're both very attractive people. Their personalities make them even more attractive. Granted, I am very close friends with Cat now, and so my attraction to her is much stronger. I'm starting to get to know Amenda better; I have this feeling that my crush on her is going to grow, possibly to the level of attraction that I have to Cat. It's worrisome because I don't know what to do. I'm afraid I'll do something stupid.

I've been honest with Cat about this though. And I assume she tells Amenda everything. So yeah [shrug].

I've been thinking about this quite a bit. I'm conflicted. Not used to this more-than-one-girl interest haha. Also don't really wanna be feeling anything for anyone who's in a relationship. I normally shut people out of my life for a while to get over whatever feelings I may have for them. This time, I didn't do that with Cat. I'm trying to invest in our friendship, but that means I'm getting to know her better, which means my feelings get cemented a little more each time we talk. And I'm pretty that's starting to happen with Amenda... I'm playing a dangerous game with my emotions, knowing that nothing's coming out of this for me except for their friendships and my attachment.

Guess we'll see where this goes though... Hopefully nowhere bad haha. I just need to keep myself in check.

I finally set foot outside of California.

This past weekend was the first time I took a vacation after entering the workforce :P And it was amazing.

First time leaving California. First time on a road trip with multiple friends (Matt C, Tuan T, Ray C, and Kevin R). First time in Las Vegas. First time at EDC. First Ferris wheel ride. First time listening to a live set by myself. A bunch of firsts.

Some unfortunate things happened. Long drive to LV Thursday night to Friday morning made us all very tired for the start of EDC. Missed a few DJs I really wanted to see. Missed several meet-ups with friends because of terrible cell phone reception and lack of Internet/Wi-Fi. But overall, a good weekend. Tried the buffets at Caesar's Palace and the Bellagio. Had In-N-Out a couple of times. Got stuck in traffic going from the hotel to the Speedway, but interacted with fellow attendees along the way. Drained all my energy from being around 400k+ people--too many people, but great energy. But too many. I think my body went into shock from the amount of people that were there haha. Pretty sure I fell asleep the first night in the stands at 3 in the morning.

Full DJ sets that I experienced: Cedric Gervais, Hardwell, Armin van Buuren, Gareth Emery, Kaskade, Tiesto, Andrew Rayel, Mat Zo (by myself), Above & Beyond, Axwell /\ Ingrosso, Tommy Trash (missed the ending), Dash Berlin (last time).

Partial DJ sets: Madeon, Orjan Nilsen, Astrix, Paul Oakenfold.

Missed DJ sets: 3LAU, Dyro & Dannic, Cazzette, Sander van Doorn, Bingo Players, R3hab, Alesso, Paul van Dyk.
I will experience their all live sets eventually.

I wish I could have recorded everything that happened, but it was just a very tiring weekend. I got very little sleep or food. Just tried my best to enjoy everything in the moment it happened.

After EDC, I slept from 4PM Monday to 8:30AM Tuesday. I woke up and felt amazing haha. The drive back to SJ was much better than the drive from there. I was awake for most of it. Plenty of energy until I reached home.

Anyway, after this experience, I was perfectly fine not coming back to Vegas or attending EDC again. It could remain a one-time experience, and I would be fine with that. But my friends want to go again. So I'll probably go again next year too :P Maybe I'll get to see all the DJs I missed this time. We'll also be better prepared. Less exhaustion hopefully.

Can't wait!

Trainer.

I am the new trainer at work. Yay! I won't be doing a bunch of grunt work for much longer :P

I had applied and interviewed for team lead just before NYE but didn't get it. My coworker Sandra did. I was actually pretty happy about that. I didn't really want to be lead. Some of my other coworkers were disappointed I didn't get it, but I was just ecstatic that I wasn't chosen for lead haha. Realized the job descriptiong didn't quite appeal to me enough.

Trainer, however, fits me, as far as I can tell. I don't have to write people up. I don't have to monitor them. But I do get to check their progress and help them improve. And I get to learn every single task that the company throws at us haha.

I didn't have to do another interview for the trainer position, since I had already done an interview for the team lead position. Somehow, I was chosen for trainer. The supervisors called me into the office and offered me the job. I was in shock. A part of me was surprised; but another part of me wasn't. I know the leads and the current trainer have been encouraging me to apply for all the open positions. So I know they put in some good words for me.

But yeah, I'm pretty happy. I'll start learning the ropes tomorrow. And gotta absorb as much as I can in the next three weeks because the current trainer, Vinse, is leaving. This is quite exciting. I was asked to keep this quiet until all the other candidates were notified of the decision. So I just shrugged at my coworkers when they asked. I said, "We'll all know tomorrow." But I want to mark this day, so I'm blogging about it haha. I feel kinda accomplished :) It's pretty good.

2014 is starting off well. Life is going well :)

Now, I just need to work on my ability to talk to people. Especially attractive people ahahaha :P Cute coworker that I've been wanting to get to know and talk to but having a hard time thinking of things to say to yet still saying stupid stuff to. Except I'm already kinda over the whole she's-so-cute thing. I mean, I still think she's cute. But now I'm just like, "Whatever. I'm cool." I think it's because of the fact that we haven't really talked. Not getting to know a person really turns me off of them pretty quickly, I realize haha. Especially if it feels like they don't put in any effort to get to know me or just talk to me.

I should just ask people straight up if they find me annoying or if they would like me to leave them alone. I don't know if anyone would be that honest with me though. I'm usually pretty upfront with people about that stuff. But I give people a chance to prove me wrong before I'm that honest with them haha. And usually I stop finding people annoying after I get to know them better. I actually told one of my coworkers today that I initially thought he was annoying because he talked too much; and after getting to know him better, I thought he could be pretty chill. Yay for being honest, yeah?

Anyway, yeah, random. Good day though haha.

Welcome to life, Miah!

Brother and Karina had their baby girl today :D I was at work, waiting for the text from Brother. 6.4 pounds and 18.5 inches. He tried to send me a picture, but my phone doesn't receive anything other than phone calls and text messages. So instead, I got texts from Shiva and Harrison congratulating me. They saw Miah before I could see her -w- But it's ok. They're family too, so they can see.

I had to wait until lunch to go on Facebook. I was super excited. Couldn't sit still. Couldn't stand still. Was dancing and bouncing around my desk. My coworkers laughed XP I'm sure I was very entertaining. It's rare to see me so excited and all over the place. Man, time was not going by fast enough.

But when lunchtime came, I went straight to the computers and checked Facebook. I saw Miah's photo, and I was just so happy. I don't even know what else to say. I was just happy. She looks sooo adoooorable. Definitely got Brother's lips.

I spent the rest of the work day anxious to leave for the hospital.

After work, I drove to the hospital. Somehow found the right room. Held Miah for probably an hour. First time I had ever seen a newborn and first time I ever held a baby. Special moment. Words cannot express how I felt. She's so beautiful. And sleepy. (Brother and Karina were both sleepy.) She slept the whole time I was there. Dreaming, I'm sure. She made so many different facial expressions. I mimicked them while I held her. I don't know why. It's just what I do. I didn't get to see her eyes. I'm hoping she'll be awake tomorrow, so I can look at those beautiful eyes of hers. I hope she likes me haha.


I know I would usually type up some long entry about this. But my brain is overloaded on happy. And I'm exhausted. Need more rest.

All I can say is I am happy Miah is healthy. I can only hope she'll grow up strong, healthy, and happy. Dang, I did the math... When she's 18, I'll be 41. Oh my, I can't even imagine where we'll all be then. Here's hoping to a lifetime of fond memories.

Is this the first time I've given up on something?

Tuesday night, I quit my job by email. Not how I wanted to quit. Well, I didn't want to quit. But I couldn't handle my stress; I actually ended up crying at work. I felt so pathetic. But I knew I wasn't going to be happy there, and I knew I would always be stressed if they didn't give me some training because I felt like I wasn't catching up where it was necessary. I made so many mistakes, and the only time I would know would be when they told me I did something wrong. They would tell me what was wrong and kinda tell me how to avoid making that mistake.

I was getting the what-to-do's of my job, but I wasn't necessarily understanding the how's. And definitely not the why's. And there really weren't many explanations for my job; it was less show, more tell. Because I didn't understand why I was doing certain things, I didn't always know when I should do them.

They held me responsible for things that I know I should be responsible for, but they had to understand I was still new to the job and I didn't know where everything was yet. Missing or misplaced hard drives and chassis. I didn't touch those particular parts; they had gone missing from Johnny's time in inventory. I know this because I did the physical inventory count on his last day and noted that those particular items were missing. But since he wasn't there anymore, I was responsible; they told me I had to find out what happened to the parts, but I didn't know how I was supposed to find out. If the people who have worked there for years don't know how to find out (and they had done my job before), how I am to know?

I need some guidance because I had zero experience.

The fact that inventory was only partly organized and all over the place made it difficult for me to track and find parts, especially the motherboards and chassis. Give me time to figure where everything is? Please stop moving the parts around without letting me know. But that happened, and I was held responsible when other people moved our parts without my knowledge. At least write it down on the note cards for me, or even just leave me a note on my desk. Why was I solely holding responsibility for the inventory when anyone else could go into inventory and take what they need? I couldn't always be in the inventory rooms. I had many places to be: my desk, main inventory room, second inventory room, third inventory room, Production (which was very large), back of warehouse, and front office.

Mainly I was just overwhelmed by how many responsibilities I had going in. Receiving, scanning, picking, counting, submitting RMAs, returning RMAs, updating information in the RMA software, emailing manufacturers about RMAs, adjusting sales order items, packaging, tracking things down. Because I was new to all of these responsibilities, I should have been eased into some of them. At the least, there should have been some thorough training and maybe a list of what my priorities should have been. I mean, after all, I was expecting to do assembly work because that's where my strongest skills lie; and there's not that much variety in assembly.

I wish I wasn't complaining about the company, but I just didn't fit in that work environment and the work environment didn't fit me. I would rather quit and use my time to find other work that suits me. So I'm hoping everything will work out. I know I could do the job I had, but only with proper training. Please explain to me why I'm doing something; so in the future, when I run into that reason, I know what to do next.

Blah. I felt so pathetic quitting the job, but I'm weaksauce when it comes to stress. Stressors from work and family built up too much. Can't quit family, so gotta quit the job. Haven't told my family. Hoping I won't have to.

I was offered a temp data entry job with Randstad, the same one from December. I just need to resubmit some forms that they'll email me. Hopefully, this job won't fall through this time. Yeah, still $10 an hour, but it's cool; I don't really drive around much. No overtime at Randstad either, I think; though, I don't think this last job paid me for overtime; either that, or they withheld a lot more of my pay than I expected. Anyway, Randstad job is in Mountain View, a mile and a half farther away from home than my old job in Fremont.

I really miss my job in Fremont. I miss my coworkers the most. They treated me like family; it was nice.

I've been applying to jobs on Craigslist and Snagajob nonstop. C'mon, data entry jobs, get back to me.

I just want a job with some training. Good on-the-job training that prepares me well. I mean, I know if I got a job where my mechanical skills came into use, training would be easier. If I get another office job, training might have to be a little more intensive and structured for me because of the multitasking that's involved.

I'm giving myself about two or so weeks to secure a job before I decide my family needs to know I don't have a job. This is so fun.


Oh yeah, Brother went to jail on Tuesday too. I didn't think it would affect me so much, but that thought affected me the whole day. I wasn't expecting it to have such an impact on me because I feel like it didn't really before. Maybe because I see the improvement he's made in his life and the fact that he's going to be a father to a little girl, I have hope that this will be the last time he seriously messes up.

Ah, I'm just a well of emotion this week.

I'm going to be an aunt!

Brother informed the family tonight that his girlfriend, Karina, is currently thirteen weeks pregnant. Imagine the surprise! Or rather the lack of. Family was much more supportive and encouraging than usual. It was interesting.

My initial reaction: Slight raise of the eyebrow. Slow curve of a smile. Tilt of the head. Body leaning to the side toward the wall. Cool. "Wow."

I always knew Brother would be a parent before I would. I mean, c'mon, he's got five years on me.

I'm excited. We're all excited. I'm going to be an aunt. Mother and D are going to be grandparents! :) Main thing is Brother is going to be a father!! I think he will be a great father. He is an idiot sometimes, and he's made his mistakes. But he's a good person, and he's learning. I just have this feeling that he'll be a wonderful dad. Doting and overprotective, but great. I told him as much. I also told him I love him. First time I've said that without it being  a response to him saying it to me first.

My first nephew/niece. I can't wait to meet him/her. Not due until the end of the year. Mother's going to babysit a lot. She's looking forward to it. I think it would do her some good to have a baby in her house. She won't be alone. And I'll get to watch her interact with a baby.

And I'll learn how to take care of a child. I want to learn. I'm still terrified of kids. Maybe this will ease my anxiety around kids.

Anyway, this news woke me up a little. I was exhausted and wanted to go home to sleep. Then this news came out, and I was just awake. It brightened the end of my week. (Work wasn't the best this week.)

Now, we play the waiting game with the baby. Who will win? o: I'll try to keep you posted.

I am officially an adult.

I moved out from Mother's home on Tuesday night. It was an emotional parting. She cried because she's worried about me and she knows she will be alone--she also sees me as being alone in the world. I cried because I know she will be alone. I'm not worried about me. I know things will get better. I just wish I could know for sure Mother will be happy and safe.

So I'm crashing on the futon couch in the living room of the apartment that Shiva and Killol live in. I've pretty much rearranged my possessions a whole bunch of times already. It helps to still my nervous mind. Their apartment is messy and cluttered. I usually don't care about other people's mess enough to do anything. But the clutter is driving me mad. Because I don't know what else to think about. When I think about something else, my mind usually returns to Mother.

I think I might end up reorganizing parts of the apartment in my free time. When I have the energy.

I don't have energy. It's been an exhausting week. Not enough sleep. Too many hours standing and/or hunching over small plastic parts, examining them closely yet quickly. Mind-numbing work for most people. I actually do enjoy it. I just don't like the strain on my back and shoulders. Overall a fun experience. I think I get nervous though because these parts all go into medical devices. So people's lives are affected by the work we do. No flaws, no defects. I don't like knowing that my mistakes could hurt someone else. These might be small parts, but even small things can create great consequences.

Anyway, I can drink alcohol again tomorrow. I can relax this weekend. Much needed after this week. Tomorrow, I gotta go to work, pump some gas into my car, pick up my paycheck, open a bank account, mail my rental agreement back to the landlady, visit Dexter and let him out for a bit, and then finally down a beer or two. I am so looking forward to that beer. Or well, probably just hard ciders; close enough.

I'm so damn tired. I don't know why I'm not asleep yet. I gotta get up at 5:15am. I feel like after I get the rest I need this weekend and finish all the paperwork I need to finish, I will transition more smoothly into my new weekly routine. I hope so. I think I could love this job if I wasn't so tired and stressed. But I would also love a job that's closer to where I live and pays a little more. Just so I can save gas and money. A higher pay would allow me to save more money sooner. That would be nice. I could help my family pay stuff off sooner.

Ahh... Oh, Mother's birthday is Sunday. I think I'll come home to spend some time with her and D.

Sleep calls to me. It's been calling to me every day this week. Hopefully, I'll give in to it more easily next week when I don't have to stay up to figure so many things out.

But I still feel like I'm enjoying life, even if I'm a little sad right now. Life is being good to me, curve balls and hurdles notwithstanding.

Anyway, good night, friends.

I feel like I ruined Thanksgiving for my family.

Last night, Brother and his girlfriend, Karina, took me and Vivi to Singlebarrel. First time there for us two. Pretty awesome. Would like to come back eventually. I had a Pink Lady and an English Cosmo (Shiva's recommendation). Liked them.

Though, the thought of alcohol right now makes me queasy >.<

We went to Brix afterward. Vivi and I split a Tokyo Tea. (queasy again) I had to keep her from drinking too much too fast. But I ended up doing that. At some point, Brother and Karina came to us with two more drinks. Did not finish.

Whether I finished them or not, I would have gotten sick anyway. Before midnight.

A lot of firsts last night. First time Vivi and I got seriously inebriated together. First time I've gotten totally messed up in public. First time I've ever been escorted out of a club. First time I've ever puked out of a car window.

I have vowed to stop drinking for the next four months. Not even beer. Not even for New Year's. I'll be a DD if I go clubbing.

Oh man, people at Brix are gonna remember me... I was wearing my teethy hat. If they see it, they'll remember me. Bleh.

Spent the night at Karina's. Puked throughout the night and morning. Didn't leave to go home until 1pm.

So Mother is really pissed off at me and Brother because she thinks I never tried to call her to tell her I wasn't coming home. I tried. She never answered her phone. She called me, but I never heard her call. So she thinks I was ignoring her call. I wasn't. But she won't believe me.

I do feel bad that she couldn't sleep because of me. I don't feel bad for staying out though. Though, I do feel bad for drinking too much -_- Again. Ugh.

I should have continued trying to call her, but I think I just got too wasted to remember to call.

I wish I could apologize for worrying her so much, but she won't listen.

So what now? The angry, silent treatment. And no more Thanksgiving dinner with the whole family /:

I feel absolutely horrible for ruining that. Can't do anything about it now. Just have to wait out her anger. But she's probably going to hold onto it and bring it up every time she gets mad at me.

I hope I never turn my worry into anger so easily...

Surprise!

So yesterday, Vivi came over to my house to hang out for a while before dinner with Brother and Karina--his girlfriend. We were amusing ourselves with YouTube and Sporcle (yay, new website to waste time on haha).

We went to dinner at San Pedro Square. We walked through to the bar.

Suddenly, a group of moustached thirteen friends started singing happy birthday to me from behind O.O I was in shock. I know I was. I kept saying it for the first two hours.

It turned out that Brother and Shiva were in cahoots in planning a surprise birthday dinner for me. I've never had a surprise birthday thing before...

It was simply amazing :)

Must name all the thirteen people who showed up before I forget: Shiva, Mai, Ariane, Ariane's boyfriend Felix (he has the same birthday as me :D), Autumn, Harrison, Brian L, Lisa, Albert, Christine, Jen, Chau, and Jonathan G.

I have some awesome friends haha. I'm still surprised that Vivi didn't let anything slip though XP

So totally unexpected. Biggest birthday celebration I've ever had. Overwhelming, but so fun.

I dunno what to say other than I was just really happy to see some of my closest friends for my birthday :) There were people from like four different groups of my friends. Two groups from high school and two from college. And they all seemed to get along :D Awesome.

I know I normally recount every detail I can muster about events, but I think I'll remember this night pretty well. Even if I was (exaggeratedly) inebriated. Only four drinks. A Long Beach, a Tokyo Tea, and two Strawberry Blasts from Flames (we relocated from SPS).

Ooh, I know I liked the cake. Forgot what's in it already... but it was good cake. From Aki's Bakery :D

Got gifts from Lisa, Christine, and Albert. Oh, they know me so well. Catered to my inner puzzle geek and sleepy kitten sides. Two Sudoku books, one of those brain teaser blocks things, food bowls, and a pillow XD

There was also a card signed by the thirteen surprise guests :P

Ahh, I know I also kept saying that I didn't know I had this many friends. I really felt like I didn't haha. That's probably what contributed to the overwhelmed feeling.


Last night is making me think about my previous two blog entries... or rethink. I dunno.

I'm on cloud nine today. Hope the feeling lasts.

Supposed to go to Target with Shiva later today and then to the movies for Wreck-It Ralph with her, Brian, and maybe Harrison (not sure if he understood that I invited him).


I dunno how to end this entry... I'm just really happy and grateful for the friends I have :)

Achievable Goals to Reach in Two Years

I have a lot of things I want to do by the time I'm 24 that I couldn't do in the past four years. You know, after I get a job or two and save enough money.

Moving out; paying for my own rent, food, and gas; Electric Daisy Carnival; Warped Tour; road trip; camping; and much, much more.

I've wanted to move out since I was 17. At times, being home feels like being imprisoned. I'm at the mercy of Mother's moods. I can't step outside my house without fear of admonishment unless I had asked for permission beforehand. I need to get away from that. I've only recently started to "inform" Mother of events I go to, instead of asking. Sometimes, it's ok; other times, I deal with hours of disparaging comments before she lets me go. That's if she lets me go. I'm 21 now, closing in on 22 in less than five months. I am still a child in this family. The only time I am treated as an adult is when I'm being held responsible for my childish actions, such as staying out too late. Even then, I'm not really an adult; I'm a child who knows no better and should listen to her mother because mother knows best. Mother does not know best. Mother does not know her daughter. This daughter needs to move out and live independently. I need to do things for myself, instead of waiting for someone else to tell me if it's ok to do it. I'm trying to rehabilitate my autonomy; it was damaged sometime in my youth, maybe around fifth or sixth grade haha. Moving out on my own would be a sort of catharsis, or I feel like it would be. Just a large stepping stone that I've been afraid to approach.

As part of being an adult, I would like to pay for my own things. I don't like that my family still pays for everything. I haven't earned any of the things that I own or consume. I didn't want my car because I wasn't the one paying for it. But I will have to settle for paying back my family for all the material things that they've gotten for me. Before I can do that though, I do need to earn enough to save first and then repay later. I want to be responsible for as much as I can be responsible for. I will not depend on my family for sustenance. When I can take care of myself, I don't want to have to fall back on my family in times of need. I'm not putting him down, but I don't want to be like Brother. I will not drain my family of resources because of my shortcomings. I will be responsible for me and my life.

EDC has been a goal since I had heard of it a couple of years ago. Brother was supposed to go, but things didn't work out for him. We wanted to go this year, but again things didn't work out. But he and I are aiming for next year. And this plan has potential as long as I can find some work and gradually save. I'd have to save at least five hundred dollars, depending on how we plan out the trip. This is one of my bigger and more highly anticipated goals because I've never left California, and EDC will be in Las Vegas :) So it's a very exciting prospect.

Same with Warped Tour. I've been wanting to go since middle school haha. It's been many years of wanting. This is more achievable than EDC since the event costs less than a hundred dollars.

Thinking over these last two goals, I would be fine if I never went to these. I'm not a fan of being surrounded by a lot of people. And I don't need to enjoy live music. However, if these things are achievable and I can enjoy them with people I love, I will do it. I've been told I need to live a little. I do that in my own, small ways. But once in a while, spicing it up with huge events wouldn't be so bad.

I'd like to go on a road trip. Again, this is another adventure I've wanted to go on for years. Probably since high school when I was learning how to drive. I still just want to go on a Destination Anywhere type of road trip. Though, if my friends have destinations they want to go to, I'm all for it too. I personally just want to go somewhere. I just want to drive and enjoy the drive. This will happen. It may or may not happen before I'm 24, but I won't rule it out.

Camping... Ah, camping. I've never really been on a camping trip. There was the sixth grade trip, but I hardly remember it and I probably wouldn't consider it camping if I did remember. I'd like to enjoy nature and just be away from the masses. I'd also like to improve my survival skills haha.

Now that I've finished college, I really want to do something for myself instead of my family. School was for my family. I've done that. Work was supposed to be for my family too. However, like I said, I'm rehabilitating my autonomy. This means I need to start living for myself. Not keeping myself alive for my family or my friends. I will do things for myself, for my life, for my happiness (too). Work, when I find it, will be for me.

I feel selfish for saying any of this. For saying what I want. But I've been talking to friends, and I'm realizing I need to be considerate for myself as much as I am for other people. This is what I know. My mind still wants to reject the idea that I can and should live for myself. I fight this urge to reject every day. And every day, I feel like I'm winning a battle. Of course, I have my days where I'm completely obliterated by my pessimism. But there's a lot of things I need to fight and change. With some encouragement, I'm sure eventually my natural optimism will win over my learned pessimism.

I'm making changes in my life. Ones that I never thought I could make. I'm making them now. I used to always think it was too late to improve my life, that I would always be stuck. Or if I did, I'd be another Hollywood movie in real life, where someone else inspires me and mentors me through my challenges and there would be people watching. But it's not like that. My life is my movie. I'm the only one directing and watching it from beginning to end. There might be friends who watch parts of my movie and have roles in it, but they've got their own movies to direct and star in as well.

There's so much I could say right now, but ah there goes that memory of mine, forgetting thoughts and words.

I'm feeling good. I'm not feeling great. I have yet to get there. But I'm at a point where my life doesn't feel so hopeless. It's still a little hopeless sometimes, but I'm getting better at handling it. I feel less and less alone every day that I spend time alone. I'm feeling happier with myself, even though I still have some anger and hate directed toward myself. Like I said, I'm making changes. I'm also less dependent on others to provide my happiness. It's funny how that's working. I should have taken some time to get to know myself better a long time ago.

Better late than never, as the saying goes.

2012 is going well so far

I'm lucky my last semester of undergrad is pretty damn easy. Two Justice Studies classes, one Radio TV Film class, and three PE classes. Little stress. Though, I am kinda worried about finding a job. I've been looking and applying for jobs, but not getting responses or anything.

But anyway, school is good. Meeting some new folks. Pretty chill. Volleyball has given me bruises and a lightly sprained thumb, but that was because I was still learning the proper techniques. Getting much better now. Soccer makes my legs scream, especially my left leg--it feels like ligaments and/or tendons are being ripped from my leg, but the feeling has been decreasing (must mean I'm getting better). Self-defense has been fun. It's like a refresher course on all the defense stuff I learned in middle school, except we actually practice with other people. Except we can't actually hit each other. Though, accidents happen. Like today. I was attempting a spin kick. Either there was too much torque or I tripped, but somehow I managed to flip myself onto the ground >.>; Painful but funny XP I laughed, while my instructor told me to get back up and keep going.

PE classes overall are fun. I wish I had taken more PE classes in college -sigh- Maybe I'll go to community college after I graduate and take PE classes then. I might end up going to CC after graduation, at least if I can't find a decent job.

Uh, lots of stuff happening lately, except I'm not remembering them very well haha.

I went to ETD Love in SF with a couple of friends (Michelle P, Olivia S and her friends and family). First rave I've ever been to. Was fun. Met some nice, cool people. Danced all night. Drank lots of water. John O'Callaghan was amazing. And so were many of the other DJs, like John Beaver, Gabriel & Dresden, Myon & Shane 54, and Lazy Rich. Good stuff. Must listen to more of their music.

I know I've done more than go to a rave, but I just can't recall anything right now haha. Other than reading. I finally finished the HP series. I had a feeling about Snape, doubted it, doubted the doubt, and then was relieved that my initial feeling was spot on haha. Reading the Hunger Games series now. Just finished the first book. Good stuff. Hearing not-so-great reviews about the other two books, but I will finish this series, possibly before the movie premieres. I'm considering going to the midnight showing, but we'll see. I know I'm loving the song "Safe and Sound" by Taylor Swift Ft. The Civil Wars. That song is very moving and fits the mood of the story very well.

Haha oh, tangents.

I miss blogging often. But now, I barely remember to blog. I think I've already written this many times before, but blogging helps me remember stuff. Except I guess it doesn't work if I don't remember to blog <.<

Mm, so I've been kinda trying to talk to more people. Fighting my urge to become a hermit. Making new friends, kinda. Trying to broaden my horizons. Oh, I went to my first TransTalk meeting today. Was a good meeting and a good chance to learn about people. I think I might start spending a little more time at the LGBT Resource Center. I'm going to QTIP and Q&A again, since they don't clash with my classes. And I guess I'm adding TransTalk to my schedule on Wednesdays.

So new people I've met/talked to, and whose names I learned through group intros and ice breaker games: Holden, Maui, Simon, Nadia, Helen, Tracy, Jonathan (used to go to ST), Bridgette (no idea how to spell her name). I've forgotten other people's names <.< That's not good.

But anyway, yeah, trying to be more open and less aloof. It's very hard >.> But I'm getting somewhere haha. Part of my new year's/life resolution for self-improvement. Very general and vague, but hopefully I'll accomplish it every day anyway. Still working on the patience with family part though. That's a toughy.

Midterm Season and Various Other Things

So it's that time of the semester. Yay o_o Shiva and I had a 8-page take-home midterm for Social Change due on Wednesday (She also had another 6-page midterm to write for the same prof but different class). Needless to say, we didn't get that much sleep the night/morning before it was due. Hella stressful, especially for Shiva ): I'm sorry I couldn't make it any easier.

I had my Global Society midterm today. Because of the take-home midterm, I rested for most of Wednesday after class. Didn't get to study much for the next midterm. So sad. When I took it, I couldn't recall information. Or I'd confuse different programs with each other (like SAPs, GATT, and WTO). Friggin' multiple choice stuff. The essay was all right, though I know mixed things up (four ways workers experience alienation in capitalism, according to Marx). Oh well, I tried.

So today has been an interesting day...

Around noon, after SOCI 105 and 104, I followed Shiva to Clark Hall because she had helped an Anthrolopolgy prof set up an LGBTQ speaker panel. Mackenzie L, Crystal N, and Shiva were supposed to be the speakers. I was supposed to just sit in and watch. But Crystal completely forgot about it--she didn't even remember volunteering for it. So I stepped in, nervously. But the panel wasn't that bad. I mean I was probably blushing with nervousness the whole time and had a fast heart rate for the majority of the class time. But I survived. A few silent moments. But the class asked intelligent and varied questions, ranging from polyamory to religion to unisex restrooms. Mackenzie seemed to talk the most. I think Shiva spoke a lot too. I spoke the least XD

But yeah, that was fun. Tomorrow, there's another panel for the same prof. At 10h00. I'm probably going to that one too, but hopefully, just sitting in this time XP Well, maybe.

Anyway, when I was waiting at the light rail stop to go home, I met a guy named Jesus (It's Spanish, just in case you didn't know). I had actually met him last week at the same place, but I didn't talk to him much then. I wasn't much in the mood to talk to him then. Today, I had seen him in the morning walking to campus from the light rail, but I didn't say hi. But when we were both going home, we talked on the light rail about music and random things. Interesting guy. Reminds me of Harrison. A few of his mannerisms and how he speaks are somewhat similar to Harrison's haha. When I first saw him, I thought he was related to Harrison. And you know it's a coincidence that I met him at the light rail stop, whereas I ran into Harrison on the light rail. Similarities haha.

Anyway, Jesus is a freshman, though he's apparently 20 years old. I can't get over how much he reminds me of Harrison. But I'm sure if I keep talking to him at the light rail or wherever, he'll start to seem more different from Harrison :P But yeah, new light rail buddy? Maybe.

Hmm, so... Oh yeah, Jesus' name reminds me that there were "Jesus freaks" standing in front of the light rail stop, shouting at people to follow Jesus Christ. But they left a few minutes after I arrived. Seems they may have been there for a while.

Anyway, that was today. I'm extremely tired, but I want to try to get some things done before I try to go to sleep early. Need to wake up early tomorrow to get to campus.


So, the past ten days have been up and down, I guess. Lots of stress from the midterms. Other stressors too. I can't quite recall what's happened lately. It's scary how fast the weeks are passing by. Already done with Week 8 of the semester.

I feel like my brain is forgetting more and more. But maybe it's because I haven't gotten very good sleep in a while. Staying up too late -nods-


Mm, so yesterday, in Social Change, we watched a documentary about the Civil Rights movement. I forgot what the video was called. But it was a heart-wrenching video. Ended it at King's assassination. Made me really sad.

I followed Shiva to her Sexualities class. We watched another documentary, "Dreamworlds 3: Desire, Sex, & Power in Music Video." Disturbing. Truly disturbing. It makes me glad I don't watch music videos anymore, even though that means I might miss out on really good videos. But yeah, anyway, after the video, Prof Rokni challenged the males in the room to stand up to and educate other men on the issue of objectification of the female body. If you get the chance, I recommend this documentary. It is informative about what's prevalent in pop culture, primarily music, and offers puzzle pieces for you to put together, not just a bunch of facts and theories.


Uhh, I can't remember what else I wanted to say ):

So here are the upcoming events and stuff that I remember:
SJSU Spring Break--officially March 28 to April 1 (really, it's the 25th to the 3rd)
Holi Day (Indian celebration)--April 9
Drag Show--April 14
QACON @ UC Berkeley--April 29 to May 1 (Friday to Sunday)
Gender Bender Dance (lesson?)--TBD
Q&A Panel--TBD


Next week, I've got an SPSS assignment, an annotated bibliography, social change art presentation, and plenty of reading that is due or that I need to do. Fun. Hopefully getting a lot of it done this weekend.

Shiva is gonna be busy for most of tomorrow ): But I'll see her during the panel and during her one-hour break in between meetings and stuff. In the meantime, I'll probably be working on stuff and going to the Superior Court downtown because I need to postpone my jury duty. First time I've ever gotten a summons. So exciting. I wanna do jury duty, just not during the semester. But yeah, need to ask questions about what I should do and stuff. After all that, Harrison is gonna stop by campus to pick us up to go to Ikea for an "Ikea party" as he calls it. Apparently, we're going to cram into his SUV with his other friends. Fun.

Mm, so Shiva's gonna be gone for most of Saturday because she's going to a Kendo tournament in San Mateo. I probably won't be going with her. I wanna work on stuff. I'll see her after she comes back though. Harrison and Michelle W want to go get pizza Saturday night.

Sunday, Mother is going on another tour of Buddhist temples for the whole day (Did I mention the first time she went on the tour a few weeks ago?). So I have a dilemma. I want to stay at Shiva's place, but I also need to be home on Sunday to "guard the house." What shall I do? ):


Mm... Yeah, I think that is all I can muster out of my brain right now. So sad.

My first formal-ish date....

So on Friday, I went to campus to hang out with Shiva. I went with her to our friends Killol and Phil's place. She had been hanging out with them, eating dinner with their friends. Killol kept offering food. I would have eaten them if Mother hadn't been stuffing me with food all day that day. A Double-Double with a strawberry shake and fries. And Mother made me eat her fries too. Then she made me eat porridge. Just way too much food for one day @_@

After hanging out Killol's and Phil's place, Maggie came by to pick Shiva and me up. And we hung out in Shiva's room, talking and catching up. It was good :) Learned a bit about what's been going on with some people, like Autumn. Ariane wanted to hang out a bit, but she was busy and Maggie had to go home ): And we didn't get to hang out yesterday.

Anyway, Shiva and I spent Friday night/Saturday morning watching "The Illusionist." That was a good movie. Quite a twist. I like Edward Norton, such a good actor. I wasn't expecting accents though o_o haha.

Saturday, Shiva and I just slept and talked for most of the day. Had an off moment in the afternoon ): Completely my fault.

Then we got up to get ready to go to dinner. I wore a dress shirt, slacks, a tie, and a jacket. Shiva wore a dress just for me :) She looked beautiful. We walked to PF Chang's. Shiva had made reservations for a booth at 7pm, but there were no booths available when we arrived. So we waited. As we waited, one of Shiva's former classmates, who was working there, stopped and talked to us about school and stuff.

Dinner itself was tasty. Vegetarian lettuce wraps, tea (something with peach and apricot), brown rice, coconut curry vegetables, and wok-seared lamb. Service was slow. Apparently, it took an hour and fifteen minutes for us to get our dessert and our check.

Dessert was a birthday chocolate cake in a shot glass that wasn't that bad. That was free. The other two desserts Shiva and I got were tiramisu and a cheesecake in shot glasses. Tasty tiramisu. Two dollars for such a small thing though @_@

Ahaha, when we were eating or waiting (I don't remember), Shiva's classmate passed by, tapped our table, and said, "You two are just so cute!" haha XD At first, I thought, "Wth? Did a stranger just say that to us?" but then I realized it was the friend who was working haha.

Oh, so when I was blowing out the candle on the chocolate cake in a shot glass, Shiva sneakily placed a gift on the table. So I opened it (with a bit of Shiva's help haha). Guess what she got me? XD It's pretty damn awesome. Wrapped in dark green tissue paper and a white ribbon, with a dried rose on top, was -trumpet music- Le Petit Prince! :D I loooove that book. I can't believe she remembered haha. Shiva's amazing :3 When I saw the book, apparently I looked shocked or surprised haha. I was! Ahh, I wanted to get the book so badly after I read it in Madame's class. Ahh, have I mentioned that Shiva is amazing? If I haven't, well, SHIVA IS AMAZING! :O

Anyway, lots of food. We had to take them home because we were stuffed.

Back at Shiva's, Sabrina (roommate) took a few pictures of us. We took a few more before we decided to go to bed.

Oh oh, also, when I walked into Shiva's room, I didn't notice anything. Until Shiva went to go open the window to let some air in. On the window, the words "HAPPY BIRTHDAY THUY" were written. Sabrina told us that Marian had come by and written it. And on Shiva's desk was a note and a gift. She had made Shiva and me a pair of I-don't-actually-know-what-you-call-them (keychain-like thingy?). And I don't know how to describe them. Maybe Shiva will comment to describe them for us haha. But they're images of me and her (though, the one of her doesn't really look like her because apparently Marian had to erase some lines, making the face look rounder). The one of me for her and the one of her for me. They're pretty awesome.

Mm, Shiva and I turned in early (midnight). Kinda wanted to watch a movie, but were too full and exhausted XD

Woke up early today. Didn't really get up until noon though. Strange morning -_- Exciting but depressing dream. Bicycles that fly higher as you pedal faster. Losing people. Or people dying or disappearing. An evil bathroom (like a room where you feel something malevolent in the air). Anyway, yeah, morning was kinda off. But Shiva and I got up and went outside. There was supposed to be a meeting for Shiva to go to, but it wasn't where it was supposed to be. So we went to 7-11 to rent "The Book of Eli." Watched that.

What a twist of an ending. Did not see that coming at all XD Made me want to watch the movie again haha. Maybe I'll watch it again sometime in the future. With what I know now, I would watch the movie with a different mindset. During the movie, I thought the action sequences were good, and the storyline ok. But the ending really WOW-ed me :D or rather us haha. We totally didn't predict the ending.


Anyway, yeah, this weekend was fun, thanks to Shiva :) What an amazing person I have in my life.... I'm sorry I ruined the weekend a lil with my stupidity >_< I'll make it up to you. And I'm also sad that I didn't get to do amazing things for you for your birthday T-T I will though -nodnodnod-

Four days of Shiva....

:)

So I actually did go stay with Shiva and her family down in So Cal for a couple of days. First time I traveled anywhere alone. Greyhound buses. First time my buses have ever been so far behind schedule. Anyway, in So Cal, lots of stuff happened. I'm probably gonna forget some, and Shiva will probably add to or correct what I mention.

Left SJ on Monday night, arrived Tuesday morning. One transfer at LA. Both buses were late -_- First bus, I had to sit next to a little boy, whose head fell onto my shoulder a few times during the night. Couldn't get off the bus at the meal stop because the kid was asleep and I didn't want to wake him up -_- Second bus, went ten feet before the driver told us all (in Spanish) that we needed to switch buses. Then ten minutes on the freeway, he pulled over to the shoulder because the bus was getting too hot. He wanted to figure out how to get cool air into the bus, eventually opening the emergency latches on the top of the buses. Then we were on our way.

Tuesday: Shiva picked me up in Santa Ana at 8h30. Shiva and her mom went to their doctor's appointment. I sat in the lobby reading a tech magazine. Then dropped her mom off at Kohl's. Went to meet her friend Allie (sp?), hung out at Target. Allie stole me from Shiva, leading me throughout the store >_> Interesting person, she was. Bubbly and such. I don't think she likes me much if at all -shrug- but she bought me an Almond Joy, which I realize I never ate <_< glory =" Sanrio.">_> Left the house like two hours later for Shiva's friend's house. Met Rochelle (and later Amber). Cool, interesting people. Cheese pizza and root beer (ew, Shiva, ew. Jk). Rochelle and Shiva tried to force me to get a manicure -_- Five-minute-long struggle. Two against one, so not fair D:

Shiva couldn't decide what to wear XP I chose. Why are you making me make decisions? D:

At 9ish, the four of us left in Rochelle's car for Long Beach. Clubbing at the Dollhouse (Hamburger Mary's). 18+. Ladies' Night (Though, there were still guys there). Hmm. The X's are still faintly there on the back of my hands. 18-20 years old, get X's marked on both hands with a permanent marker. 21+ get wrist bands D: Not fair.

Dancing didn't start for a while. Shiva ran into someone she had classes with in high school. Music was all right. Kinda reminded me of high school dances. Recognized most of the songs, but only liked half the songs. Mood of the music kept changing. The dance floor was much smaller than that of Fuz when it was still in Sunnyvale. However, didn't really bump into any of the other people dancing. There were go-go dancers o__o Did not want to look, but couldn't help it. I found it funny to watch the girls watching the go-go dancers XD Their mouths were open. They looked mesmerized haha.

The funniest part was when Rochelle saw a dollar bill on the floor. Seemed to have fallen from one of the dancers. She picked it up and stuffed it into the dancer's boot. Amber freaked out and told her that she wasn't supposed to stuff it in the boot. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO STICK IT IN HER PANTIES!" hahahaha XD

The dancing itself in the club was a bit uhh ehhh >_> <_<>_> Obviously, a lot of freaking. Just extreme stuff, wow o_o Now, I remember why I don't like clubbing much <_<>_> Aaand, sadly, I got really sleepy quickly. The music was putting me to sleep -_- Sad. Shiva kept me awake though haha.

After the dancing, we went to Denny's. This is like a trend for every club-goer, isn't it? Picture-taking-ness. More of that in front of Rochelle's house when Shiva and I were about to head home. Amber spun me 'round @_@ Twice! Dizzy, tired. Almost fell.

Friday: Not the best day :/ But I helped Shiva pack some of her books. She's lending me two Dan Brown books (The Da Vinci Code and Digital Fortress) and gave me a Sudoku book and a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving shirt :D Then we went to hang out with her friend Ashley. Nervous peeing dog. I think it peed on my shoes -_- Off to Juice It Up. Hmm, tasty. I still prefer Jamba Juice XP but Juice It Up was good. Then to a bird shop, Omar's. Played with birds :D So nice. And loud. One of them tried to bite my earring XP Hmm, I probably smelled like bird for a bit. Mm, dog pee and bird, what a great combo of fragrance >_> Went to Ralph's. Shiva freaked out because Keebler's finally imitated Girl Scout's Samoas, calling the cookies Coconut Dreams. Of course, Shiva bought it :P

Driving to places... After eating some wraps and me finishing packing, drove Ashley home. Drove to Shiva's relative's place to pick someone up, who apparently didn't need a ride. Rushed to the bus station in Santa Ana. Greyhound window was closed -_- Shiva called the Greyhound customer service for me to ask about baggage check-in. Then a bus came, but it wasn't mine. Another came, and we thought it was mine. So she left.

I asked the driver if his bus was gonna go to LA. He said the next bus would. The next bus came, I asked, and again the driver said "next one." One more bus, finally, my bus, fifty minutes late. I was starting to think that the other bus drivers had lied to me or misunderstood me and I would be stranded in Santa Ana for the night or at least a few hours. Because the bus was late, I got to the LA station about five minutes before my second bus left (which was twenty minutes late) :O No ID tag for my luggage because the Greyhound window was closed in Santa Ana and I had no time to wait in line at the LA station. Thought the driver wouldn't let me on the bus because of this, but luckily a blank tag was at hand, whew. On the bus, I sat next to a sleeping fellow, who slept with his legs spread -_- Not much space for me. And I think my seat was broken because it did not recline much. So my neck was not happy last night/this morning. But the ride was quick. Got back to SJ at 6h20 (on time).


Excluding bus tickets, I spent less than thirteen dollars in So Cal. In total, I spent about $120 for this whole trip. Why? Because I don't spend money XP haha meals were provided by Shiva's mom. Shiva paid for the smoothie I got from Juice It Up.

Anyway, when I got home from the Greyhound station, I was clearing out my luggage. My hand sanitizer bottle broke D: in the pocket that had my notepad, pencil, and netbook charger. Cleaned that out. Dumped the stuff into a smaller bottle of hand sanitizer after I dumped the stuff from the smaller bottle. The small one was one that Shiva gave me. So fruity. Blueberry blast. So strong @_@ Smells like cough syrup, car freshener, and other weird scents. But now, it's all diluted, yay! Though the cap still holds a lot of that fruity smell @_@


Anyway, going home, I learned that Brother was sentenced to two months in jail. Hmm. It seems he'll be back in jail starting the 27th. 60 days, which is actually 40 days physically in jail. Don't know what we're doing about his residence. Are we paying $1000 for his room, while he doesn't live there? Or are we moving his stuff out and leaving it in our garage again?


Mm, four days until school starts again -_- Summer break was not long enough this time around. In previous years, I would always wish that summer was quicker. But this year, I wish it was longer, slower, more restful.


Mm, so that's all I've got to say, I think.

My forgetfulness made me forget the word "forgetfulness" ... o_o

Sorry, I haven't been updating. These past two or so weeks have been filled with fun and busy stuffs.

I realize I haven't been home much in the past five or so weeks. Been on campus all day every day (yes, including weekends). Been reading, doing homework, and doing other things. I have barely seen Mother. And I definitely haven't seen Brother in five weeks. That's crazy. And kinda sad.


This past Saturday, I went to SF with Shiva, Harrison, Marian (Harrison's friend), and Paul (Shiva's friend from UCB). We went to the Castro for a while. Haha parking was fuuun >_> Felt like Harrison's SUV was gonna tip over 'cause he parked on a steep hill XD We went to a few shops: the HRC shop (I got dog tags for $10, though I really wanted to buy a bracelet. But it was too expensive x.x), Under One Roof, a shop specialized for men and kinky stuff haha.

Then we drove to where the In N Out was haha :P Parked in the parking garage. Got In N Out. Walked around. Checked out some shops (can't really remember which). Took some pictures. The Skeleton! The pirate ship! Not really, but yeah haha (I've been tagged in some of the pictures on Facebook if you wanna see them).

Blah, sorry for the little detail, but my memory is just gone. I can't recall many specific things T-T

Oh, there was a search for the Ghiradelli Square. Oh-em-gee, how can I forget Fisherman's Wharf? Where the pirate ship was haha. Misty and cold. Not really. Pretty though.

Ooh, Ricky Martin with a rainbow flag. Wax Museum. There was also Eminem. And Mariah Carey, though it didn't really look like her from one side. Haha I laugh at the fact that they put Em and MC on the same spinning thingy. How controversial >_>

Just lots of stuff in SF that I can't recall ): Darn memory.


The Saturday before, I slept over at Shiva's. We were trying to finish our Non-Conforming Behavior term papers. Which I did horribly on. Well, 87/100 isn't too bad.

Same weekend, but on Friday, Harrison and I helped Shiva move into her old apartment. Fun stuff. Tiring. Took allll day XP 'cause we took our time. We were also dancing a lot. Shiva kept playing "Cooler Than Me," "Black and Gold," and a few other songs over and over. Songs that I gave her. She's obsessed!

The Thursday before that, there was a Kendo dinner. I didn't realize I was going until I was there. Sweet Tomatoes. In that plaza where my brother took me once for Jamba Juice. Oh, memories... Anyway, dinner was good. I apparently didn't eat enough. The Naginata sensei gave Shiva and Veronica each a bouquet for their birthdays. Really big bouquets. After dinner, we (Shiva, Veronica, Jay, and I) were taking pictures with the flowers in front of Sweet Tomatoes. Shiva and I were crushed... by flowers. There's evidence... on Facebook. Oh, and yeah, she kissed my cheek >_> right as the picture was taken.


Can anyone tell she's dictating what I say? :P Ok, not dictating, just reminding me of stuffs that happened haha.


Shiva says that I have the mind of an old geezer. She's not kidding. She's so mean T-T such a bully...


Anyway, yeah, that's the past two weeks. Kinda. I can't really be sure @_@

Hmph, Shiva's being mean to me right now T-T She won't tell me what I forgot about SF -sniff- I feel hurt, sad. She's taking pleasure in my sadness, my forgetfulness. Ahh, my forgetfulness saddens me. Seriously, it does.


Ok, anyway, I should get started on my term paper for Social Problems XD or else Shiva's gonna bust my ass o__o I'm sleeping over again. To study for stuff. She helps me. Crazy, isn't it? I'm studying for exams.



Btw, I guess I should say... Shiva is my girlfriend, just so you know... :P

Heart-racing calmness....

Who would have ever suspected my life would go how it's going right now? I didn't. I still find it hard to believe my life can be how it is right now. Ups and downs, as always. But they're not the ups and downs I had expected. The ups are better than I thought. The downs are too varied for me to compare them to my expectations.

But for the moment, all I'm focusing on are the ups. The ups are pretty damn amazing....

----

Second summer session started on Monday. I'm so exhausted. My classes and professors seem interesting enough though. Went home hella late on Monday and Wednesday. Always too tired to do homework XP Stayed late on Tuesday and Thursday to do readings and stuff for SOCI 154 at Shiva's place.

Went to Kendo on Thursday, but I spent most of the time trying to read.

Oh, on Tuesday, while I was waiting for Shiva to get out of class, I was sitting at a bench near the CCB and Music building. I was reading a library book. When I took a break to watch a squirrel from afar, it came over to me. Ran in circles around my bench. Stopped and looked at me. Then it climbed onto the bench and sniffed at me. Put its front paws on me. Passersby stopped and talked to me about the squirrel, exclaiming that they had never seen any squirrel do that before (without any visible treats). Then the squirrel climbed onto my book. So I set the book down on the bench. Then the squirrel started biting the book D: So I pulled the book away. As I did that, the squirrel bit my watch T-T So I shooed it away, but it stayed and sniffed at my shoes. So I gave it an almond treat that Shiva had bought for me. The squirrel ate it for a couple of minutes and came back to me for more food. So I got up and sat at another bench. Five minutes later, the squirrel found me. Again, more shooing and finding yet another bench. Eventually, it did leave me alone.

When I recounted this story to Shiva, she told me I was attacked by a squirrel -_- I was NOT attacked by a squirrel; it just came to me for food.


The rest of the week hasn't had much else happen outside of classrooms or Shiva's apartment, where I've spent the majority of my time.

Harrison came over to chill at the apartment on Wednesday. But not really with Shiva and me. He came to chill primarily with Michelle, Shiva's roommate O: haha (On Sunday, Free Slurpee Day, Harrison and I had gone to campus to chill with Shiva and get slurpees. Roommates [Marian and Michelle] came along.)

And then yesterday night, Shiva, Harrison, Michelle, and two others went bar hopping to celebrate Shiva's birthday. Yay for drunk texting. Those texts are totally going to be saved on my phone XD At least for a few weeks haha.


Hmm, today was intriguing indeed. I came over to try to do homework for 154, which I didn't get to do yesterday. Harrison had slept over. Haha drunk Harrison seems to be the same person as sober Harrison. Pictures and videos make me wish I was 21, so I could have gone out with these guys last night XD haha. Seemed like fun.

Anyway, got some reading done in Shiva's room. Including the reading Shiva and I have to do for 154. But we didn't actually get to the homework assignment >_> Got waayyy too distracted during the reading <_< Silly games and such hahaha....

Shortest goodbye this week tonight XP only because Mother drove to campus to pick me up. But I guess it's better to fall asleep in the car than on the light rail.


Have to go back to campus tomorrow to finish the reading and homework XP Hopefully won't get too distracted then. Might even try to finish early enough so that Shiva and I can go watch "Inception" :D Though >_> I have a feeling that major distractions will arise again....