So, as you already know, I'm not much of a Christmas person (errr well, holiday person). But I try to be cheerful and whatnot around this time of the year just because I should. It's nice to end the year happily and all, you know?
I never really give gifts because I don't make any money. And I find it pathetic to use my family's money to get gifts for them. Plus, I never know what to get for anyone. Mother and Brother like expensive, "pretty" or "cool" things. I am not a good judge of any of that XP
I don't even know what kind of gifts to give to my friends. How sad. What do you guys want? For now, all I can give you are hugs. The real kind, I promise. Or well, I'll try ^_^;
Me, you already have my short list from one of my October entries. But I think Brother will probably buy a few of those for me. Even though, he should be saving up his money -_- but he won't listen to me..
You know, I kinda miss having a Christmas tree to decorate. It's been like four years since we gave away our fake tree. Ever since then, it feels like Christmas is just another day to get through, especially since we don't celebrate it in the first place.
Before reaching my teen years, I used to be excited for Christmas. Anticipating the morning during which Brother and I would rip open our presents and be proud of the gifts that we believed we deserved. Having no idea how much these moments meant to the adults who watched over us. Just an overall good, united(?) feeling.
Nowadays, it feels like it doesn't really matter. Gift-giving is so... obligatory. Even when we don't have enough money to buy all this stuff. I don't know why, but none of the holiday spirit feels the same anymore.
I think I feel this way because none of them listen to me. I say I don't want anything, but they force me to get things I don't need. If I don't choose anything, they'll get angry and call me ungrateful. But I am grateful for their generosity, their love, and all that good stuff. I just don't want to feel like I'm forced to be grateful. And really, what I want for Christmas is for all of us to be together and just talk. But we don't really do that anymore. We haven't done that. We never really talk. And I would imagine that if we try now, it would be very awkward and whatever. After so many years of this, I'm not sure we could ever start doing that.
So for now, I'll settle for our happy little ways of enjoying the holidays through materialism. Brother can go buy all the gifts he wants to buy for us. Mother can buy all the Buche de Noel she wants. We won't talk; we won't get to know each other. We'll just settle for what we see on the surface. And you know it's been good for us all these years. A few more years of it shouldn't hurt.
Ahaha, so negative. I can't stay away from the negative. Really, I don't know if I like Christmas. It's just another day. I don't know what's so special about it. I want it to feel special, but it doesn't. I think I only like it a lil bit because it means only a week is left in the year. The new year then comes around, and I can "start over." Fresh. Or as fresh as possible. Fresh mind, fresh thoughts, fresh goals. Nothing to bog me down because I let everything from the past year go. For the most part. And, you know, the new year just makes me want to be a new person. Kinda. It's silly, but going into a new year feels like getting a new chance.
Of course, that's all in my head. I'll still be the same person. Just working on new resolutions and whatnot. Starting the year off with high hopes that slowly dwindle as the year passes. Until the next year starts. I guess you could say going into a new year is like getting an HP boost haha. Hm.
Anyway, here are my potential resolutions for 2010. I'm just gonna list them out here and explain them, so that I remember why I want to do these things in the first place. Then I'll eliminate some and re-list the rest, so it will be easier for me to remember and more probable that I'll accomplish them :P I might do the print-and-carry thing again.
+Drink one bottle of water a day.
- I need to get healthy. Been drinking too much juice this past year.
+Get a job.
- I need to take care of myself instead of relying on my family for everything. Slowly become more independent this way, yes?
+Choose a major.
- I feel like I'm wasting time in college. So I'm hoping I can decide on a major by March. I don't want to waste any more time.
+Meditate for 10 minutes daily.
- I need to de-stress. Yes, I do stress, even if I don't act like I do. I should figure out when the best time to do this is.
+Do __ push-ups, __ crunches, __ chin-ups every day.
+Do a daily physical activity: Jog a mile. Walk. Bike. Swim. Skate. Do weight training. Skateboard.
- Again, healthy stuff. Need to add in numbers. Though, I'm pretty sure I won't get the chin-ups right for a while XP I'll need assistance haha. And maybe not a daily physical activity XP More like at least twice a week haha.
+Spend a maximum of __ hours on AIM per day.
- I've been on AIM every day for the past two months. And I talk to two or three people on AIM now, or I'm usually away. I need to be more productive and to not log on at all haha.
+Spend a maximum of __ hours on the Internet per day.
- I find myself playing games too often. I would rather read or sleep, but the Internet is just so damn tempting. I need to be stricter about how long I stay on the computer. This year, I was somewhat successful. Well, at least during the first half of the year XP And I should decide if watching movies and TV shows online counts or is excluded. Of course, this time limit excludes the time I spend online for homework.
+Go to Anime Expo 2010.
- I want to go at least one more time. Plus, it's like the only time I could ever travel anywhere with friends. Aaand I would get to see some SoCal friends :D because some of them are planning on going next year.
+Learn how to play piano or guitar.
- I want a musical hobby. I just need to get an instrument first. Or use someone else's. And for this year, I can settle for learning notes, chords, sight reading, and simple songs.
+Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
- I want to be trilingual ^_^ I'm gonna take French 1A next semester. And I'll probably ask D or a friend to teach me some Viet haha. Better French accent, broader Viet vocabulary. Really, I just want to at least get better at writing, reading, and aurally understanding both languages.
+Get out of bed by 0700 every day.
- Just furthering one of this year's resolutions (become a morning person). I want to feel productive, and getting up early helps me feel that way.
+Achieve: No anger. No Complaints.
- I've been very angry for a while now. That needs to change. I need to learn how to let go. For real.
+Avoid hard liquor.
- I don't want to get sick every time I go to a party XP Never good. No control. I'll stick to either sobriety or the weak alc from now on.
+Talk to people.
- I need to start the conversation with more people. I'm always waiting for people to talk to me. I can't keep waiting like this.
+Go out with friends weekly.
- I just can't be stuck at home all the time. If I keep doing what I've been doing this semester, I should be ok.
+Eat two servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
- Again, heeeaaalthy.
+Don't drive too fast. Don't rush.
- I want to avoid car crashes. At least those that would probably be caused by me.
+Do not doubt myself.
- I'm not sure how I'll pull this off, but I'm sure I hold myself back a lot, too much, too often. I need to have courage haha.
+Be honest.
- I've tried this once or twice before. Not completely successful. At least not with family. I just need courage. I wanna be like John Gotti :P "I never lie because I don't fear anyone. You only lie when you're afraid." Quite true.
+Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone (from atop a building/hill/something tall).
- I just wanna see an unobstructed sunrise/sunset to admire its beauty and whatnot. And I don't want to be alone.
+Obsess less.
- I've been thinking too much for a while. I can't keep my head on straight. No focus. Couldn't concentrate on what little homework I had at the end of semester. Need a clearer head. Less weight and all that.
I feel these are achievable. I just need to figure out how to achieve some of them. Any help from you would be greatly appreciated :)
Anyone wanna teach me anything, like how to rollerblade or skateboard?
2010 Resolutions simplified:
1. Follow: No anger. No Complaints.
2. Get out of bed by 0700 every day.
3. Meditate for 10 minutes daily.
4. Do 20 push-ups, 20 crunches, 20 chin-ups per day.
5. Do a physical activity at least twice a week.
6. Drink a bottle of water a day.
7. Eat two servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
8. Spend a maximum of 3 hours on the Internet/AIM per day.
9. Avoid liquor that is 80 proof or greater.
10. Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
11. Do not doubt myself.
12. Choose a major by March 31.
13. Get a job by summertime.
14. Prepare for and go to Anime Expo 2010.
15. Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone.
Simple enough
Doubtful
Very doubtful
Still a lot of resolutions, yeah? I can't help it. At least there are fewer this year. I hope I can make these work. I might edit the list one more time another day. But for now, this is it. They're not listed by priority this time. I think I just put all the daily/gradual stuff first and the rest last.
I had so much trouble thinking of things, but then I thought of a lot eventually XP Simple things really. I'm just not sure if I can keep myself motivated enough to stick to them.
Yeaah. Wooo, I spent three hours on this resolution thing. I have no life XP Well, I'm trying to make mine better a lil bit haha.
Ok, now I should be off to finish the rest of my to-do list for today, yaayyy.
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