It was supposed to rain...

yesterday and today, but it didn't :/ I'm disappointed. Anyway...

Yesterday was my last final. Physics. I finished in 35 minutes. Then I sat at a bench until Lisa finished her final around 0900. Then I followed her to the SSC and to the OT office. Then home. I didn't wanna go home, but I didn't have anywhere else to go. So might as well go home. Got home before 10h00 :O But no one was home. Alone to think. I didn't really do anything though. I just kinda sat there, trying not to think anything stupid. Failed.

Stupid thinking should be avoided as best as possible.

In the evening, I had to go to D's because Mother wanted me to drive (her back still hurts from the car accident). I just used D's computer to do stuff. No AIM. Yay Meebo. Confirmed the ST visit with Albert and Lisa (via text). Robert couldn't go :( Linda Dang was to join us. Oh, also decided to go to Christmas in the Park with Shiva for a lil bit before she left for SoCal today.

Went home. Talked to Harrison and Trieu online for a bit. Jobs and drinking, respectively. Surprising, yes? :P


Ah, my family's over the 700-minute limit. The billing cycle ends on Friday. Brother calls people too much. Bah! Not that I really have anyone to call. But if anyone does call me, it's gonna add more overage -_- I don't want to be yelled at. Again.


Anyway, today, Lisa picked me up around noon to go visit ST. Went to Starbucks. Linda Dang met up with us in there. Then Albert came. Then Marielle and Ariane (totally unexpected!!). Then finally Trieu. Linda had to leave, though, to go to SJC (the airport) to pick someone up.

Anyway, the rest of us visited Curry. Waved to Madame in her classroom. The new Rasmussen told us to get off campus. Don't know his actual name >_> Ariane left for SF. Rest of us visited a few other teachers, including Lum, Dimas, and Schwalen. Hugs, hugs, hugs. Well, I have them the pat-side-hug that is typical of me. Or the arms-loosely-wrapped hugs. I realize I don't give real hugs, at least not often, but more on that later in the entry...

Stayed on campus until about 1500. The group kinda dissipated as time went by. But yeah, today was just chill and laidback.

Lisa drove me, Albert, and her sister home.


I waited for Mother to come home with the car, so that I could go Christmas in the park with Shiva. I tried to convince Shiva online that I should drive her to the airport that's only ten minutes away from campus. But no, she wouldn't give. Brian's dad would drive her instead.

Yeah, so Mother came home, and I took the car. I got to campus around 1700. She and I walked to Christmas in the Park. Popcorn, big bags of popcorn. Little kiddie rides :P The large menorah. When Shiva stopped to take a picture of it, Rose and Tommy were there and said hi to me. Then they left.

And somehow Shiva knew >_> Her intuition is good. Or so she would like me to believe. Aaanyway... Christmas in the Park is quite pretty at night. Not that many people, but I'm sure it's cuz it's a weekday or something. I dunno. Didn't get to stay very long because Brian and his dad came waayyy early. Like an hour or so early (so we didn't get to chill for very long. We would have if she had let me drive her). So Shiva and I headed back to her apartment, got her luggage, went to get her mail, and walked to 7th St.

Luggage in the van. I gave her a hug. Told her I'd be sad if she didn't come back next semester, which would be true. I would be. Very. Waved goodbye and walked back to my car.

Now, I'm home, thinking again -sigh-


So the hugs thing... I hug my friends. Of course, I do. Or I try anyway. But there are different types of hugs. For me, there are hugs, and there are real hugs (though, I still just call these "hugs"). My friends give me real hugs. I don't. A real hug is where you wrap your arms around the other person, and it's a tight hug, a strong one. Like, you're letting the other person know you want to hug them. My hugs (sorry, people) are not tight or strong. I just kinda wrap my arms (or one arm) around loosely and then let go as soon as possible. Sometimes, I do the pat-the-back hug.

All this time, I thought I was hugging people. But I realize I don't do it how I should or how I should want to. But hey, at least I try? I don't just stand there anymore. At least I have a reaction (wrap arms around). Yeah. I still suck. I've given real hugs before, I'm sure. I just don't remember the last time I did. Though, I think today I gave Trieu a semi-real hug haha. And yeah... >_>

I don't know why I pay attention to this. Still. I'm lame. I'm thinking too much. Every time I hug people, I have to think about it before I do it. Even with the ones that I used to always hug. I think, just about every time I gave anyone a strong hug, I had to think to myself, "Oh, I should probably hug them tighter." Usually on birthdays. Mm hmm.

If you're reading this and thinking about all the hugs I've given you, please don't feel bad or offended. I don't mean to. I'm just trying to be honest. Yeaah.

Mm, so that's all I have to say right now, I think. We should all get together this break. Party or something :P It would be wonderful if we could get the whole gang from high school together. Catch up and whatnot. Mm hmm....



Opportunities. Intentionally or not. Not. My head doesn't want to think anything. It's thinking the wrong thing. Ideal. I'm messing things up in my mind. Intentionally or not. Ahhh.. I wish... Never mind.

My mind feels jumbled. Thoughts are crossing over and such. I need sleep -__- Restful sleep. I can't get restful sleep. Even though, it's finally break. Ahh, I hope my sleep goes back to normal. It would be nice. Less tiring. Less yeah... I just need to work things out with myself. Slowly, but surely, I will get this shit right. I'm not gonna f things up. I need to make decisions. Decisive decisions XP that will hopefully be good for me, for family, for everyone. Or else I'm gonna torture myself for who knows how long.. And I've seen how torture affects people. Ain't pretty. I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna lose. Not like that.

-sigh- Not soo negative today. Just eh -shrug- I should go to bed early. But I won't. I might end up finishing Forever Odd, finally. Yeah.

I realize I didn't talk too much today. I usually talk much more than I did today. Hm. Still a pretty good day, or it feels that way.