"(500) Days of Summer"

Today was all right. A lot of thinking. Too much focus on stupid things -__- Couldn't distract myself from the thoughts, the feelings.. Fuckin gahh.. I suck >_<


9.XII.09 Edit: OMG!! Blogger messed up this entry D: There's a whole section missing right here -__- I don't remember everything I said. I started talking about the movie from the entry title, saying I could kinda relate, just a lil...



I've never been in love >_> but really strong like is close enough. You just get attached to someone, and they disappoint you in some way. Feels like you'll never recover. You don't know how to deal. You just don't know.

This movie makes me afraid to fall in love (if it will ever happen) XP It kinda just reinforced everything I've ever thought about love and relationships. Mm.. The ending was somewhat mood-lifting, yet not. I don't know. We should move on, but life isn't so simple, so quick, so ideal.

I feel like it's something I should fight. Don't succumb. Ever. No try, no fail, yeah? It's worked for me so far, I guess. How many missed opportunities? I've no idea. I don't (want to) care to think about them. Mm, maybe I haven't really tried. No, I haven't. I don't know if it's worth it, if I'm worth it. I don't seem to be. Not once. The Friend Zone is my comfort zone XP
^I don't know if you got much of that. That's ok. I didn't intend for you to do so anyway.

I have way more to say about this topic, but that's all you're getting XP


I didn't realize until today how difficult it is for me to really talk to anyone now. I told Shiva about the sophomore year thing. But I chopped up and shortened the story. Like whoa. If you remember the whole story, you'd be like "Wtf? What happened to this part of the story?? You always give so much detail!" Eh, I gave her the gist of the story haha. I haven't really told anyone the story in person, except Amy. But even she didn't get everything. Just the gist and some detail.

I really need to work on the talking-to-people-in-person part of my life. I thought I could talk about the past and be ok, but I can't. If I can't talk about the past like I thought I could, I can't talk about anything that's really important to me. I'll work on it, I promise. So many things I need to work on. It's just silence and blogging are so much easier. I don't know why XP

Just in case you're wondering, the sophomore thing was not my main preoccupation today. It was just one of many thoughts passing through my brain.


Ah, my shoulder hurts T-T Been sitting all day. I didn't lie down. Again. I need to remember to not stand or sit for so long. Ahhh. I nearly swerved the Avalon out of my lane because I got distracted by my shoulder haha. Whew, glad I'm still alive >_>


Grr. Why must pain be inevitable? Inevitable pain, teh.. I want to get away from it. If I stay away, I can't be hurt. Who deals with this kind of pain and comes back for more? Ah, courageous people. Or people who just don't pay attention to the pain. I'm too afraid. I'm always afraid. No wonder nothing good ever happens. Why's it gotta be like this? 'Cause I gotta let it be like this. Ah, always my fault. Always my fault. Too much, too fast, too hard. Too easy. In some way, it always is.


Haha I love how I don't make sense. I probably won't even understand half of this entry the next time I read it. It's how it usually goes.


Anyway, free weekend. Don't know what I'm doing. Maybe read, watch shows, movies. Probably not sleep. Haven't slept well in months >_> Wow, I've lied about my sleep a lot. Just realized I've been telling people that I sleep really well. Used to not be a lie. Must adjust. Ooh, yay, I get to cross an item off of my movie list :)