I want to be cautious, not paranoid.
But it's difficult. Mother woke me up this morning because the sprinklers had apparently been on for five hours D: (Water bill's gonna be high this month). And they're still leaking.
Mother believes that someone stuck their hand in through the mail slot in the garage to mess with the sprinkler system. I told her that did not happen because the settings are the same as always. Something's probably physically wrong with the sprinkler system. But she won't let go of the belief that someone's fuckin' with us.. -_-
I don't want to hear her paranoid conjectures anymore. I've been listening to them for a long time. I used to believe her. Now, not so much. Though, somewhere in my brain, I hear what-ifs. Then I tell myself, "No. Don't believe such crap. It's paranoia. There's no evidence." But I can't help wondering if she's right about those people.
I can feel the paranoia creep in. I don't wanna be like that. Don't wanna think like that about people I don't even know. But it's getting a lil harder. Especially when Mother starts talking about people I do know. Like my friends ): She hasn't been right about them often. But the few times she mentioned a negative trait that I'd also noticed, I just thought "What if she's been right about my other friends?"
Then I slap myself for being silly. But again, I can't help it. Egh, I wish I could push those stupid thoughts out of my mind. So hard to trust people when all I can think about is how they might hurt me or how they might be planning something to hurt my family. Conspiracies >_< that I know are not real.
Blahh. Enough about how much I dislike paranoia.
Resolutions.
I think I'm gonna stop making yearly resolutions. I feel too inadequate to fulfill them. Or I really need someone to make sure I make more realistic resolutions haha. Maybe I'll just make lists of things to keep in mind XP I feel like I'm giving up too easily. I lost my motivation for the resolutions pretty quickly this year haha.
Progress(?):
1. Follow: No anger. No complaints.
-I'm sure this was an unrealistic resolution. I'm still always angry and complaining -_- Quite pathetic. Though I don't complain about every little thing my family does now, I'm still complaining too much. Still complaining about myself haha.
2. Daily: Get out of bed by 0700.
-I do this on school days. I haven't been doing it on weekends ):
3. Daily: Meditate for 10 minutes.
-I never got started on this. Or it's an irregular activity.
4. Daily: Do 20 push-ups, 20 crunches, 20 chin-ups.
-I'm good with this. One of the few things I can keep up with.
5. Do a fitness activity at least twice a week.
-I'm scrapping this. Biking to and from the light rail station is good enough XP
6. Daily: Drink 1 bottle of water.
-I'm now not as consistent with this as I was in the first two months of the year haha.
7. Daily: Spend 3 extra hours max on the Internet.
-Most days, a success. Some days, people decide to talk to me on AIM. Though, I suppose doing my homework at the same time is ok haha.
8. Improve Vietnamese and/or French.
-Yay, French class. Vietnamese, I need to find someone to teach me XP
9. Choose a major by March 31.
-Working on this. I intend to decide by tomorrow night. For now, I'm pretty sure I'll at least minor in Philosophy, but that's as far as I've gotten.
10. Get a job by summertime.
-Not likely. None of the places I applied to online replied. I should probably apply in person. But I think now is a bit too late to apply for summer. And still no car, so I don't know how I'd get myself to work.
11. Do not doubt myself.
-I'm still not sure how I'm supposed to do this. Too vague, mm. How does one find confidence in oneself?
12. Prepare for and go to Anime Expo 2010.
-This may be a go. Not yet sure. Depends on if I wanna fork over $75 (or even $65) for a four-day weekend when it used to be just $55. Also depends on if I wanna spend money the hotel room. First need to find out when Maggie and her friends are going down to Anaheim because I may just replace AX with Disneyland haha.
13. Watch the sunrise/sunset with someone.
-Meh. No occasion to spend the night outside with anyone. Though, I'm sure one of my friends wants to go to Half Moon Bay for a night. Eh -shrug- If anyone wants to go somewhere outside for a night, invite me :P so we can watch the sunset or sunrise together :D
So which resolutions have I been doing well with?: 4 and 8 haha. #9 is going to be accomplished tomorrow -nods- The ones I'm kinda sticking to are #1, 2, 6, 7, and 12, I guess.
I feel so not happy that I'm not sticking to this list haha. But it doesn't feel all that important to me anymore. I think next year I'll just try to stick to two or three resolutions instead of long a list XP Long lists of resolutions, not so smart on my part haha. Can't focus on all of them.
I think I'm doing better with the list of non-resolutions:
+Learn how to play piano or guitar. [no]
+Talk to people more. Initiate more conversations. [kinda]
+Go out with friends weekly. [yeah]
+Don't drive too fast. Don't rush. [yeah]
+Be honest. Do not lie. [mm, yeah and no. I'm trying]
+Obsess less. Figure out more solutions. Make decisive decisions. [mm, no]
+Eat enough fruits and vegetable every day. [yeah]
+Avoid 80+ proof liquor. [hellz yeah]
+Go to SF Pride. Get a small group of friends to go. [not summer yet]
+Go to ST's 2010 graduation. [June hasn't arrived yet]
+Read all the novels suggested by friends. [waiting till May]
+Finish at least half the list of "Movies To Watch." [waiting till May]
+Have a horror/thriller movie marathon. [kinda, but next time with people haha]
+Go to a concert. [no]
+Hug more. [yes, shocking >_>]
+Wander through the city (any city). [no]
+Explore San Jose's Japantown. [no]
+Celebrate my birthday. [not yet]
Fulfilling and not fulfilling resolutions affects how I feel about myself as a person haha.. And I think labeling my resolutions makes them feel like obligations. I really don't like feeling obligated to do anything. I want to do things for myself because I want to, not because I am expected to. I should have thought about that. Now, I feel lame -_- haha.
Hmm, now that I'm thinking about things... I think I would prefer to go to Anaheim at the end of May instead of to Expo. I mean, I'm sure Jeisun and Andrew are probably going to Expo. I know Kat's not going. Who else would be going? Must reduce cost of hotel room for it to be worth it XP For Anaheim, Maggie's friend might have free tickets, right? Hmm... Aaand I've only been to Disneyland once when I was five, and that experience wasn't all that amazing. Would like to build a happy memory of Disneyland haha.
Either way, I wanna go down to SoCal this summer. Or well, anywhere that's more than a two-hour drive away really. I don't wanna stay in the Bay Area all summer again. So if Disneyland and Expo don't happen, I still wanna go somewhere. Just dunno where or with whom, hm.
Hmm, what else did I wanna say in this entry? Eh -shrug- Hm, I had to sleep in the living room today because Brother fell asleep in my room -_- Can't sleep with his snoring. Anyway, sleep was elusive. Went to bed at 0100. Head hurt. Kept waking up again. But I remember a dream where someone hugged me. I'm getting more hug dreams @_@ Whhyyy?
Spring Break is going slow and quick. Sad that most others' springs breaks were last week. So not many people to chill with this week. I've gotten a lot of homework done though, especially over the weekend and yesterday. But I still have my two essays to start >_> Should have started yesterday, but I ended up watching movies online. "Cube," "Cube 2: Hypercube," "Cube Zero," and "Thir13en Ghosts." First three were the ones that Brian L told me about. The last one, I've just enjoyed since it came out nine years ago. "Cube," interesting idea, poor execution, bad acting (haha I recognized the actress who played Leaven). Traps weren't as interesting as I thought they would be. But the first trap in "Cube Zero" was awesome. "Water!"
"Thir13en Ghosts" has always entertained me. Acting was ok. The ghosts look pretty awesome. Though, the big baby looks kinda gross. And the lawyer's death is pretty cool, and his post-death movement was a bit funny haha.
Anyway, I will try to find the motivation to start my essays. And I'm gonna keep watching movies (been a while). And I may start reading Naruto, but who knows? So many volumes to catch up to x_x
Yeah, there's my long entry for the week. Unless something cool happens in the next few days. Like I get to go outside and chill with people haha. Supposed to rain all week >_< mm...
Showing posts with label Expo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Expo. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
I missed the first Queer Prom to watch friends fight...
So yesterday and today (Wednesday and Thursday) have been quite awesome.
Yesterday, I went to AAS to turn in an essay and to fight sleepiness. Took the light rail to back to Oakridge to hang out with Autumn and Ariane for a while. Went back to campus around 2 for French class.
Really, yesterday sucked. Crappy day with a few highlights. Woke up later than I was supposed to, got yelled at for it, ended up being hella exhausted all day, actually fell asleep in both classes (first time I've really fallen asleep in a college class). Other stuffs happened, but eh, whatever.
But I got to chill with Autumn and Ariane :) Catch up, do and talk about silly things, go to the Dollar Tree store. I showed Ariane part of the routine I learned from hip hop class. She's proud of me ^_^ Yay! haha... I can do the Reject better than her :O !! No wayy.
Ah, I miss hanging out with them. I say this every time I see people from high school. I really miss you guys.
Anyway, not much else happened yesterday that's memorable. I was gonna crash at Shiva's for a lil bit before going home because I was tired and my head hurt. But I decided against it. Not sure if that was smart on my part because I fell asleep on the light rail XP Oh well.
Today was a better day. Today was full of awesome.
No Stephanie H on the light rail this morning though ): So I went to campus. As I was walking to my usual spot at the bench near the Event Center, I saw Brian walk past with his naginata. So I called him on the cell, caught up to him, spoke with him for a while, and then parted ways.
Shiva got out of her class early so she could go study for a midterm. I followed her to DMH. We just sat in the hallway outside her classroom for two and a half hours. I did my crossword. She studied. I read a part of Breathless. She tortured me. She wouldn't focus D: 'cause I'm so amazing and distracting. She just couldn't take her eyes off of me :P
When Shiva went to class at noon, I went to go sit at a table in front of Clark Hall as usual. Did some reading. One of my classmates came up to me to ask about the midterm for our class at 13h30 (I kinda forgot about the midterm >_>). Tried to help him out as best as I could, which wasn't much.
Ten minutes after he left, another guy came to me and made small talk. He then offered me a copy of Bhagavad Gita As It Is and a DVD, "The Library of Vedic Culture." We had a short conversation about that stuff. I also gave him a $15 donation for the center that he was working for -shrug- I rarely spend money. I don't like to. But I like to give.
After he left, a guy from Spartan Daily interviewed me for the paper. Talked about income taxes. "I don't work, and I'm not looking forward to doing taxes in the future." I didn't really contribute much of an opinion. I really don't care XP At least not yet.
Shiva called around 13h00. Talked for a bit about her midterm and stuff XP Eight-minute conversation. I don't remember the last time I talked to anyone on the phone for more than maybe four minutes, except for customer service.
I took my midterm. Finished in half an hour. Really simple midterm. Five MC, twenty or so fill-in-the-blank. Though, I'm sure I missed at least five of them. I got confused, and my headache did not make it any easier. But eh, whatever. I think I'll get an A. Thinking positive. Really though, Linguistics is an easy and simple class, so I should be ok.
Got out at 14h00. Chilled at Shiva's, while she finished packing for SoCal. Walked her to the Santa Clara light rail stop. Hugged. She got on the light rail. It didn't leave immediately. Enough time to decide that I would accompany her to the airport :P (Craig M happened to be on the light rail haha).
Light rail, bus to airport. She checked in. We walked outside for a lil bit. She learned that I am not human because I don't know how to press flowers :P After, we walked back so she could wait in line to go through security and whatnot. In line, I noticed a lot of the older people staring at me and at my hat (Fierce-Nice Hat) O_O I kept wishing people would stop looking at me >_< Anyway, when we were close to the front of the line, I decided I should leave :P Hugs and good wishes. Then I was out.
Bus back to light rail. Light rail back to campus. Got my bike, went to the Engineering Building to chill with Brian for a bit, watched a part of the third episode of Katanagatari. I left early. Called Harrison to leave. While waiting for him, I ran into Phil C, the guy from Shiva's party. We talked for a bit about photography and bikes :P Then Harrison joined us and didn't make sense haha.
Light rail with Harrison was interesting. His side of the conversation included quite a bit of detail about things >_> Haha "player-explorer." How many girls he's done stuff with, I do not know, but it seems like a lot, which kinda surprises me haha.
Anyway, I got off the light rail at Cottle to go to Alex D's house. I was an hour and a half late (it was 19h00 when I got there). However, Alex, Andrew, and Robert were playing Blaz Blue on Andrew's PS3 when I got there -_- How lame. I was thinking I came too late, but nothing was happening. Just watched them play for an hour. Funny stuff XP Andrew pretty much owns at that game.
They finally started sparring around 20h00. Alex was intense as always XD ... I miss watching him fight haha. Apparently, he's been teaching himself new things. He's got his TKD training, but he's taught himself stuff from muay thai and such. Poor Andrew injured his thumb XP Neither Andrew nor Robert could take Alex on haha. Ahh, they tried to make me spar XP No. "Next time." I shouldn't have said that 'cause that means the next time I wanna watch them fight, I have to participate XP Though, next time, they might spar with their shinais instead, so who knows?
So we ended up standing and sitting around, talking about Expo, anime, manga, and movies. So I should start reading Naruto and continue FMA and Bleach. We'll see if that works out. We definitely wanna see Iron Man 2. I must watch Up in the Air. A few other movies were mentioned, but I can't recall them.
Anyway, Expo, finally talked to Alex about it. Cosplay will possibly be Code Geass and Samurai Champloo. Dunno if I'm going and cosplaying yet. Alex said the new president of AX hella screwed up. New president basically pissed off Japan. Disrespect on so many levels. Orange Range was supposed to scheduled to play this year (I soooo wanna see them), but the dude fucked up and they're not coming ): Johnny Yong Bosch isn't hosting AX Idol anymore. Basically, all the regulars don't wanna show. And prices have been jacked up 'cause the president wants to turn AX into a business solely for profit. Blah.
I'm not happy with any of that ):
Maggie, I may end up going to Anaheim with you and your friends if the timing works out. So remember to lemme know!
Anyway, yeah, that was that. Andrew gave me and my bike a ride home XP Got in trouble with Mother for coming home way too late (23h00).
And yeah, that means I missed out on Queer Prom tonight, which apparently I could have gone to if I hadn't decided to head home/to Alex's house -shrug- But I'm glad I didn't go to the dance. I prefer chillin' with the fellas. Besides, how often do I get to see Alex kick ass? haha... Man, I love watching people fight, especially when they know what they're doing XP
Ahh, I always leave out awesome details and stuff in my entries XP Can't include them all, sadly. Oh well, you got enough :P And my memory is just bleh. And so is my head. So I should go sleep now.
Next entry, I'm gonna talk about resolutions and something else that I now just forgot DX Baad.
Anyway, yeah, fun day. Good memories :)
Yesterday, I went to AAS to turn in an essay and to fight sleepiness. Took the light rail to back to Oakridge to hang out with Autumn and Ariane for a while. Went back to campus around 2 for French class.
Really, yesterday sucked. Crappy day with a few highlights. Woke up later than I was supposed to, got yelled at for it, ended up being hella exhausted all day, actually fell asleep in both classes (first time I've really fallen asleep in a college class). Other stuffs happened, but eh, whatever.
But I got to chill with Autumn and Ariane :) Catch up, do and talk about silly things, go to the Dollar Tree store. I showed Ariane part of the routine I learned from hip hop class. She's proud of me ^_^ Yay! haha... I can do the Reject better than her :O !! No wayy.
Ah, I miss hanging out with them. I say this every time I see people from high school. I really miss you guys.
Anyway, not much else happened yesterday that's memorable. I was gonna crash at Shiva's for a lil bit before going home because I was tired and my head hurt. But I decided against it. Not sure if that was smart on my part because I fell asleep on the light rail XP Oh well.
Today was a better day. Today was full of awesome.
No Stephanie H on the light rail this morning though ): So I went to campus. As I was walking to my usual spot at the bench near the Event Center, I saw Brian walk past with his naginata. So I called him on the cell, caught up to him, spoke with him for a while, and then parted ways.
Shiva got out of her class early so she could go study for a midterm. I followed her to DMH. We just sat in the hallway outside her classroom for two and a half hours. I did my crossword. She studied. I read a part of Breathless. She tortured me. She wouldn't focus D: 'cause I'm so amazing and distracting. She just couldn't take her eyes off of me :P
When Shiva went to class at noon, I went to go sit at a table in front of Clark Hall as usual. Did some reading. One of my classmates came up to me to ask about the midterm for our class at 13h30 (I kinda forgot about the midterm >_>). Tried to help him out as best as I could, which wasn't much.
Ten minutes after he left, another guy came to me and made small talk. He then offered me a copy of Bhagavad Gita As It Is and a DVD, "The Library of Vedic Culture." We had a short conversation about that stuff. I also gave him a $15 donation for the center that he was working for -shrug- I rarely spend money. I don't like to. But I like to give.
After he left, a guy from Spartan Daily interviewed me for the paper. Talked about income taxes. "I don't work, and I'm not looking forward to doing taxes in the future." I didn't really contribute much of an opinion. I really don't care XP At least not yet.
Shiva called around 13h00. Talked for a bit about her midterm and stuff XP Eight-minute conversation. I don't remember the last time I talked to anyone on the phone for more than maybe four minutes, except for customer service.
I took my midterm. Finished in half an hour. Really simple midterm. Five MC, twenty or so fill-in-the-blank. Though, I'm sure I missed at least five of them. I got confused, and my headache did not make it any easier. But eh, whatever. I think I'll get an A. Thinking positive. Really though, Linguistics is an easy and simple class, so I should be ok.
Got out at 14h00. Chilled at Shiva's, while she finished packing for SoCal. Walked her to the Santa Clara light rail stop. Hugged. She got on the light rail. It didn't leave immediately. Enough time to decide that I would accompany her to the airport :P (Craig M happened to be on the light rail haha).
Light rail, bus to airport. She checked in. We walked outside for a lil bit. She learned that I am not human because I don't know how to press flowers :P After, we walked back so she could wait in line to go through security and whatnot. In line, I noticed a lot of the older people staring at me and at my hat (Fierce-Nice Hat) O_O I kept wishing people would stop looking at me >_< Anyway, when we were close to the front of the line, I decided I should leave :P Hugs and good wishes. Then I was out.
Bus back to light rail. Light rail back to campus. Got my bike, went to the Engineering Building to chill with Brian for a bit, watched a part of the third episode of Katanagatari. I left early. Called Harrison to leave. While waiting for him, I ran into Phil C, the guy from Shiva's party. We talked for a bit about photography and bikes :P Then Harrison joined us and didn't make sense haha.
Light rail with Harrison was interesting. His side of the conversation included quite a bit of detail about things >_> Haha "player-explorer." How many girls he's done stuff with, I do not know, but it seems like a lot, which kinda surprises me haha.
Anyway, I got off the light rail at Cottle to go to Alex D's house. I was an hour and a half late (it was 19h00 when I got there). However, Alex, Andrew, and Robert were playing Blaz Blue on Andrew's PS3 when I got there -_- How lame. I was thinking I came too late, but nothing was happening. Just watched them play for an hour. Funny stuff XP Andrew pretty much owns at that game.
They finally started sparring around 20h00. Alex was intense as always XD ... I miss watching him fight haha. Apparently, he's been teaching himself new things. He's got his TKD training, but he's taught himself stuff from muay thai and such. Poor Andrew injured his thumb XP Neither Andrew nor Robert could take Alex on haha. Ahh, they tried to make me spar XP No. "Next time." I shouldn't have said that 'cause that means the next time I wanna watch them fight, I have to participate XP Though, next time, they might spar with their shinais instead, so who knows?
So we ended up standing and sitting around, talking about Expo, anime, manga, and movies. So I should start reading Naruto and continue FMA and Bleach. We'll see if that works out. We definitely wanna see Iron Man 2. I must watch Up in the Air. A few other movies were mentioned, but I can't recall them.
Anyway, Expo, finally talked to Alex about it. Cosplay will possibly be Code Geass and Samurai Champloo. Dunno if I'm going and cosplaying yet. Alex said the new president of AX hella screwed up. New president basically pissed off Japan. Disrespect on so many levels. Orange Range was supposed to scheduled to play this year (I soooo wanna see them), but the dude fucked up and they're not coming ): Johnny Yong Bosch isn't hosting AX Idol anymore. Basically, all the regulars don't wanna show. And prices have been jacked up 'cause the president wants to turn AX into a business solely for profit. Blah.
I'm not happy with any of that ):
Maggie, I may end up going to Anaheim with you and your friends if the timing works out. So remember to lemme know!
Anyway, yeah, that was that. Andrew gave me and my bike a ride home XP Got in trouble with Mother for coming home way too late (23h00).
And yeah, that means I missed out on Queer Prom tonight, which apparently I could have gone to if I hadn't decided to head home/to Alex's house -shrug- But I'm glad I didn't go to the dance. I prefer chillin' with the fellas. Besides, how often do I get to see Alex kick ass? haha... Man, I love watching people fight, especially when they know what they're doing XP
Ahh, I always leave out awesome details and stuff in my entries XP Can't include them all, sadly. Oh well, you got enough :P And my memory is just bleh. And so is my head. So I should go sleep now.
Next entry, I'm gonna talk about resolutions and something else that I now just forgot DX Baad.
Anyway, yeah, fun day. Good memories :)
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Day 2 of 2010
I would come up with creative titles for my entries, but you know my vault of creativity has been pretty much empty. I just have my moments.
Anyway, yesterday, I texted people to see who wanted to go ice skating, but it turns out a lot of people would be leaving for school today. Mm.. Sad.
So, as of now, Autumn and I are going to go hiking or something tomorrow. Maybe I should invite other people -shrug-
Monday with Jamila. Don't know what we're doing yet. But it will be fun :P I hope. I can get pretty boring, you know? We'll see what happens.
Didn't really do much today. Yesterday, I went to bed at 20h30 because I didn't know what to do without the computer. Woke up at 05h30 this morning (I need to get past this erratic sleep pattern soon -_-). Got up at 06h50. Did my push-ups, sit-ups, and chin-ups. I'm actually kinda sore from this >_< My calves hurt when I walk, and my stomach muscles ache when I cough or laugh. But, you know, I hope my morning routine sticks haha. I will be disappointed if I lose momentum. I still need to figure out what I'm gonna do twice a week. Mother's not fond of the idea of me going out in the morning to exercise. But I want to do it in the morning, so I can shower early. And I need to figure what I'm gonna do once school starts.
I also tried to meditate this morning, but Mother and D were talking too loud. I can't quite tune noises out just yet. I need to start with total silence. Maybe I should do that first thing in the morning. Or just before bed. Haven't decided. Anyway, at first, I just stared straight ahead and took deep breaths. Then Mother started talking. So I had to close my eyes. Tried not to concentrate on anything except my breath, but her voice was very pervasive.
I shall work on the meditation. Gradually, I will be able to focus -nods-
I haven't been drinking much water XP No water bottles in the house. Must bring them in from the garage. Or get water from the water dispenser, though I don't like the taste of it haha.
I'm also doing pretty well with the three-hour limit on the Internet. However, I still don't know what to do with myself. With all this free time, I'm kinda still just sitting around. Well, I read a lil. Watch a lil TV (first time at home in a couple months, I think). Think even more than usual. Obsess about what emails I might be missing haha (like FAFSA emails. Btw, I submitted mine yesterday ^_^ I'm so proud of myself, being ahead of the game haha).
Aaand I've gotten annoyed a few times yesterday and today -__- I'm trying really hard to let things slide, but ahh.. I hate that I'm so irritable now. I'm trying. Really, I am. I just don't know how to let things go -sigh- I need a break. I need a break from my family. Like a month-long break. It would be nice to get away from the greatest source of the anger, yeah? Mm...
Oh, so today, during breakfast, Mother told me that she is willing to pay for Expo again, this time including cosplay stuff if I decide to cosplay. I still haven't decided. Anyway, I'm pretty sure D talked her into it. He probably told her that I stay home too much, that I need to get out more with my friends. I dunno. And eh of course, right after that bit, she told me I had to graduate and take care of her.
Of course, I will. But I'm not doing it just because she's paying for Expo or whatever. She's my mom. I would never turn my back on my family, and I just wish she would stop saying it like it's my damn obligation. It is not my obligation. It will be my choice. But she wouldn't understand. If I told her it's not my obligation but my choice, she would freak out and say I'm a disrespectful [insert unkind words here].
Anyway, back to Expo... So if Alex and Jeisun get ideas, plans, and people together, I get to go with them :) Yay! 2005, 2007, 2008... now 2010. May be my last Expo trip. We'll see. Could be my last 'cuz I don't wanna keep wasting money on it XP especially if I'm not that big on anime or manga haha. Spending like $500+ each time, not good. Makes me as bad as Mother and Brother with money. However, I want to buy another (normal) sword :P So if we drive down to LA, I'm gonna buy me another weapon. Yes, I know they're not real, but it's ok. They're sharp enough ^_^ And really, I just like the hilt designs haha.
One day, I will own some real weapons (that I will learn to use). Just for kicks :3
Ooh, that reminds me. I really want Robert to teach me armed combat with short swords and whatnot. Ah, he was supposed to teach me last summer, but I barely left the house then -__- This year! It will happen.
Ah, what else? There was something else. I should write these things down. I'm always forgetting what I want to say -_-
Mm, for some reason, Owl City and Josh Groban are all I've been playing when driving lately. My driving music, hmm? Must be. Their songs are the only ones I'm in the mood for when I'm in the car. I find myself singing along, even when Brother is in the car :O At home, on the other hand, I listen to everything else. More Ne-Yo and Sherwood, more R&B and rock-ish music. Less singing along.
I don't know why I'm mentioning this. The music I've been listening to lately, the mood I've been in. They don't seem to match. Hm.
I feel like I'm thinking more yet less when I'm listening to music. I'm not sure how that makes sense to me, but it does.
Need distractions. Hip hop and rap. Major distraction there. Makes me sing along and think about the lyrics instead of other stuff haha. "Gangsta Luv." The shit right there :P
I feel like going back to the past. In my head. Not literally. Though, sometimes, I think it would be nice to see the past more clearly. Anyway, I'm headed back to sophomore year. Good times, new friends. And new experiences, I suppose >_> Freshman year, better times (in terms of the ratio between joy and experience, yeah). Gosh, you know, I miss freshman year when I didn't think about anything more than watching movies with friends and Brother and getting good grades. Sophomore year, things changed, people came and left, friends changed. Of course, everyone's always changing, but I just didn't notice until sophomore year. I don't know why. But I noticed more that year. Hmm.
Blahh... -____- I'm gonna get myself obsessed about the past. The people, the experiences, the feelings, everything. Whyy? I don't know. I just feel like it. Thinking about it. If you know why I'm doing this, please do tell. 'Cuz I seriously don't know why I do this to myself haha. Yeaah.
Ok, I think I've reached my three hours for today. Good night.
Anyway, yesterday, I texted people to see who wanted to go ice skating, but it turns out a lot of people would be leaving for school today. Mm.. Sad.
So, as of now, Autumn and I are going to go hiking or something tomorrow. Maybe I should invite other people -shrug-
Monday with Jamila. Don't know what we're doing yet. But it will be fun :P I hope. I can get pretty boring, you know? We'll see what happens.
Didn't really do much today. Yesterday, I went to bed at 20h30 because I didn't know what to do without the computer. Woke up at 05h30 this morning (I need to get past this erratic sleep pattern soon -_-). Got up at 06h50. Did my push-ups, sit-ups, and chin-ups. I'm actually kinda sore from this >_< My calves hurt when I walk, and my stomach muscles ache when I cough or laugh. But, you know, I hope my morning routine sticks haha. I will be disappointed if I lose momentum. I still need to figure out what I'm gonna do twice a week. Mother's not fond of the idea of me going out in the morning to exercise. But I want to do it in the morning, so I can shower early. And I need to figure what I'm gonna do once school starts.
I also tried to meditate this morning, but Mother and D were talking too loud. I can't quite tune noises out just yet. I need to start with total silence. Maybe I should do that first thing in the morning. Or just before bed. Haven't decided. Anyway, at first, I just stared straight ahead and took deep breaths. Then Mother started talking. So I had to close my eyes. Tried not to concentrate on anything except my breath, but her voice was very pervasive.
I shall work on the meditation. Gradually, I will be able to focus -nods-
I haven't been drinking much water XP No water bottles in the house. Must bring them in from the garage. Or get water from the water dispenser, though I don't like the taste of it haha.
I'm also doing pretty well with the three-hour limit on the Internet. However, I still don't know what to do with myself. With all this free time, I'm kinda still just sitting around. Well, I read a lil. Watch a lil TV (first time at home in a couple months, I think). Think even more than usual. Obsess about what emails I might be missing haha (like FAFSA emails. Btw, I submitted mine yesterday ^_^ I'm so proud of myself, being ahead of the game haha).
Aaand I've gotten annoyed a few times yesterday and today -__- I'm trying really hard to let things slide, but ahh.. I hate that I'm so irritable now. I'm trying. Really, I am. I just don't know how to let things go -sigh- I need a break. I need a break from my family. Like a month-long break. It would be nice to get away from the greatest source of the anger, yeah? Mm...
Oh, so today, during breakfast, Mother told me that she is willing to pay for Expo again, this time including cosplay stuff if I decide to cosplay. I still haven't decided. Anyway, I'm pretty sure D talked her into it. He probably told her that I stay home too much, that I need to get out more with my friends. I dunno. And eh of course, right after that bit, she told me I had to graduate and take care of her.
Of course, I will. But I'm not doing it just because she's paying for Expo or whatever. She's my mom. I would never turn my back on my family, and I just wish she would stop saying it like it's my damn obligation. It is not my obligation. It will be my choice. But she wouldn't understand. If I told her it's not my obligation but my choice, she would freak out and say I'm a disrespectful [insert unkind words here].
Anyway, back to Expo... So if Alex and Jeisun get ideas, plans, and people together, I get to go with them :) Yay! 2005, 2007, 2008... now 2010. May be my last Expo trip. We'll see. Could be my last 'cuz I don't wanna keep wasting money on it XP especially if I'm not that big on anime or manga haha. Spending like $500+ each time, not good. Makes me as bad as Mother and Brother with money. However, I want to buy another (normal) sword :P So if we drive down to LA, I'm gonna buy me another weapon. Yes, I know they're not real, but it's ok. They're sharp enough ^_^ And really, I just like the hilt designs haha.
One day, I will own some real weapons (that I will learn to use). Just for kicks :3
Ooh, that reminds me. I really want Robert to teach me armed combat with short swords and whatnot. Ah, he was supposed to teach me last summer, but I barely left the house then -__- This year! It will happen.
Ah, what else? There was something else. I should write these things down. I'm always forgetting what I want to say -_-
Mm, for some reason, Owl City and Josh Groban are all I've been playing when driving lately. My driving music, hmm? Must be. Their songs are the only ones I'm in the mood for when I'm in the car. I find myself singing along, even when Brother is in the car :O At home, on the other hand, I listen to everything else. More Ne-Yo and Sherwood, more R&B and rock-ish music. Less singing along.
I don't know why I'm mentioning this. The music I've been listening to lately, the mood I've been in. They don't seem to match. Hm.
I feel like I'm thinking more yet less when I'm listening to music. I'm not sure how that makes sense to me, but it does.
Need distractions. Hip hop and rap. Major distraction there. Makes me sing along and think about the lyrics instead of other stuff haha. "Gangsta Luv." The shit right there :P
I feel like going back to the past. In my head. Not literally. Though, sometimes, I think it would be nice to see the past more clearly. Anyway, I'm headed back to sophomore year. Good times, new friends. And new experiences, I suppose >_> Freshman year, better times (in terms of the ratio between joy and experience, yeah). Gosh, you know, I miss freshman year when I didn't think about anything more than watching movies with friends and Brother and getting good grades. Sophomore year, things changed, people came and left, friends changed. Of course, everyone's always changing, but I just didn't notice until sophomore year. I don't know why. But I noticed more that year. Hmm.
Blahh... -____- I'm gonna get myself obsessed about the past. The people, the experiences, the feelings, everything. Whyy? I don't know. I just feel like it. Thinking about it. If you know why I'm doing this, please do tell. 'Cuz I seriously don't know why I do this to myself haha. Yeaah.
Ok, I think I've reached my three hours for today. Good night.
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