Day 2 of 2010

I would come up with creative titles for my entries, but you know my vault of creativity has been pretty much empty. I just have my moments.

Anyway, yesterday, I texted people to see who wanted to go ice skating, but it turns out a lot of people would be leaving for school today. Mm.. Sad.

So, as of now, Autumn and I are going to go hiking or something tomorrow. Maybe I should invite other people -shrug-

Monday with Jamila. Don't know what we're doing yet. But it will be fun :P I hope. I can get pretty boring, you know? We'll see what happens.


Didn't really do much today. Yesterday, I went to bed at 20h30 because I didn't know what to do without the computer. Woke up at 05h30 this morning (I need to get past this erratic sleep pattern soon -_-). Got up at 06h50. Did my push-ups, sit-ups, and chin-ups. I'm actually kinda sore from this >_< My calves hurt when I walk, and my stomach muscles ache when I cough or laugh. But, you know, I hope my morning routine sticks haha. I will be disappointed if I lose momentum. I still need to figure out what I'm gonna do twice a week. Mother's not fond of the idea of me going out in the morning to exercise. But I want to do it in the morning, so I can shower early. And I need to figure what I'm gonna do once school starts.

I also tried to meditate this morning, but Mother and D were talking too loud. I can't quite tune noises out just yet. I need to start with total silence. Maybe I should do that first thing in the morning. Or just before bed. Haven't decided. Anyway, at first, I just stared straight ahead and took deep breaths. Then Mother started talking. So I had to close my eyes. Tried not to concentrate on anything except my breath, but her voice was very pervasive.

I shall work on the meditation. Gradually, I will be able to focus -nods-

I haven't been drinking much water XP No water bottles in the house. Must bring them in from the garage. Or get water from the water dispenser, though I don't like the taste of it haha.

I'm also doing pretty well with the three-hour limit on the Internet. However, I still don't know what to do with myself. With all this free time, I'm kinda still just sitting around. Well, I read a lil. Watch a lil TV (first time at home in a couple months, I think). Think even more than usual. Obsess about what emails I might be missing haha (like FAFSA emails. Btw, I submitted mine yesterday ^_^ I'm so proud of myself, being ahead of the game haha).

Aaand I've gotten annoyed a few times yesterday and today -__- I'm trying really hard to let things slide, but ahh.. I hate that I'm so irritable now. I'm trying. Really, I am. I just don't know how to let things go -sigh- I need a break. I need a break from my family. Like a month-long break. It would be nice to get away from the greatest source of the anger, yeah? Mm...


Oh, so today, during breakfast, Mother told me that she is willing to pay for Expo again, this time including cosplay stuff if I decide to cosplay. I still haven't decided. Anyway, I'm pretty sure D talked her into it. He probably told her that I stay home too much, that I need to get out more with my friends. I dunno. And eh of course, right after that bit, she told me I had to graduate and take care of her.

Of course, I will. But I'm not doing it just because she's paying for Expo or whatever. She's my mom. I would never turn my back on my family, and I just wish she would stop saying it like it's my damn obligation. It is not my obligation. It will be my choice. But she wouldn't understand. If I told her it's not my obligation but my choice, she would freak out and say I'm a disrespectful [insert unkind words here].

Anyway, back to Expo... So if Alex and Jeisun get ideas, plans, and people together, I get to go with them :) Yay! 2005, 2007, 2008... now 2010. May be my last Expo trip. We'll see. Could be my last 'cuz I don't wanna keep wasting money on it XP especially if I'm not that big on anime or manga haha. Spending like $500+ each time, not good. Makes me as bad as Mother and Brother with money. However, I want to buy another (normal) sword :P So if we drive down to LA, I'm gonna buy me another weapon. Yes, I know they're not real, but it's ok. They're sharp enough ^_^ And really, I just like the hilt designs haha.

One day, I will own some real weapons (that I will learn to use). Just for kicks :3

Ooh, that reminds me. I really want Robert to teach me armed combat with short swords and whatnot. Ah, he was supposed to teach me last summer, but I barely left the house then -__- This year! It will happen.


Ah, what else? There was something else. I should write these things down. I'm always forgetting what I want to say -_-

Mm, for some reason, Owl City and Josh Groban are all I've been playing when driving lately. My driving music, hmm? Must be. Their songs are the only ones I'm in the mood for when I'm in the car. I find myself singing along, even when Brother is in the car :O At home, on the other hand, I listen to everything else. More Ne-Yo and Sherwood, more R&B and rock-ish music. Less singing along.

I don't know why I'm mentioning this. The music I've been listening to lately, the mood I've been in. They don't seem to match. Hm.

I feel like I'm thinking more yet less when I'm listening to music. I'm not sure how that makes sense to me, but it does.

Need distractions. Hip hop and rap. Major distraction there. Makes me sing along and think about the lyrics instead of other stuff haha. "Gangsta Luv." The shit right there :P

I feel like going back to the past. In my head. Not literally. Though, sometimes, I think it would be nice to see the past more clearly. Anyway, I'm headed back to sophomore year. Good times, new friends. And new experiences, I suppose >_> Freshman year, better times (in terms of the ratio between joy and experience, yeah). Gosh, you know, I miss freshman year when I didn't think about anything more than watching movies with friends and Brother and getting good grades. Sophomore year, things changed, people came and left, friends changed. Of course, everyone's always changing, but I just didn't notice until sophomore year. I don't know why. But I noticed more that year. Hmm.


Blahh... -____- I'm gonna get myself obsessed about the past. The people, the experiences, the feelings, everything. Whyy? I don't know. I just feel like it. Thinking about it. If you know why I'm doing this, please do tell. 'Cuz I seriously don't know why I do this to myself haha. Yeaah.

Ok, I think I've reached my three hours for today. Good night.