Resolutions

For life... :D

I realize I haven't mentioned any resolutions for 2012 yet. I have resolutions. Not just for 2012. More for my whole life. Hmm, it's more of a multi-part resolution for self-improvement:

To open up and let people in. To aim for all-or-nothing honesty. To be comfortable enough with myself by myself and around others. To not take shit from anyone. To stand up to those whom I fear. To reason with both my head and my heart.

I know I won't be perfect, and I know I regress. But I'm trying. I think I've been doing pretty well. I don't really have anything to gauge my progress. But I feel like I'm heading toward a point in my life where I am satisfied with myself, the person I'm becoming. I open up and confide in more than one person now. I'm getting better with being honest haha. I haven't lied about anything important XP I'm most definitely happy being by myself now that I'm choosing to spend more time alone than with people. But when I am around people, I'm a lot better at not being so closed off. But I don't try too hard to get a conversation going. I realize I'm not a fan of small talk. If I'm gonna ask you something, I must really want to know your answer. I'm confronting people who hurt me. Well, except Mother. That's still something I need to figure out how to approach. Standing up to people really just applies to Mother. Again, still thinking that one out. But I've occasionally been emotionally strong enough to confront her about some things. That's new and scary, but I'm doing it. Thinking with my logic and emotions is difficult. Still trying to find that balance...

I guess this resolution thing is just always for self-improvement. For me, self-improvement just means becoming a person that I can be proud of. And not hate or feel ashamed of. I'm learning to like myself more. Gotta like myself before I love myself haha.

But yeah, I've been feeling a lot more positive and generally happier with myself. I have my days where everything just seems to tear me down, but I'm fighting those days. They are becoming fewer and farther between. It's amazing that I can feel this way. I used to think it would be impossible to get to this place.

And I used to think I would need a significant other to get me to this place. But the past couple of months have proved that I don't. All I need are good friends, good music, good food, and good times haha. Seriously, I wouldn't be where I am without my friends. And I know, I wouldn't be where I am without my own effort. I'm learning to credit myself as much as I credit my friends for some of the good things in my life. The three friends I've been turning to the most in the past couple of months are Shiva, Matt, and Vivi. I've turned to other friends as well, but nowhere near as much as to these three. I'm grateful for the friends I have. Without y'all, who knows where I would be right now?

Oh, tangents. I don't think I will ever be able to shake them off :P

I think for the most part, these resolutions will be the some of the last ones I will make. Any other changes or goals I want in my life, I won't wait for a new year to get started on them.