Ready to face my fate?

I turned in early last night in the hopes of getting some restful sleep.

I had an intense dream that I think was a continuation of another that I had recently. It felt so real.

I was convicted of murder because I had killed someone who tried to rob me. I had shot him in the back as he ran away.

My previous dream was the trial and the lead-up to the execution. I was in shock and crying, and my friends were trying to comfort me and petitioning the court to change their decision.

This last dream was the day of the execution. I got to spend time with my mom in a makeshift house connected to the execution chamber. I was sitting at a desk with the wooden door behind my back; my inevitable fate was on the other side of it. I ended up organizing my things to give away and sat down to write a last letter on a long scrap of paper to my friends and family. My mom was compulsively cleaning as if this place was our home. She didn't talk to me, but I could feel her sadness and fear.

It was weird. I started off the dream feeling scared, hopeless, and angry. As I wrote the letter, telling folks not to be angry and to accept what was happening, I began to feel less scared and more accepting of the situation myself. I just wanted more time to finish my letter.

Soon, I noticed noise from behind the door that led to the execution area. The noise had been building up over time. It was all the people who were there to witness the execution and also a few friends who wanted to disrupt the process.

I stood up, unfinished with the letter, and turned toward the door, ready to face what was about happen. Someone burst through the door, but I can't recall who it was. I just remember the noise got significantly louder, and I woke up.

----

I haven't remembered such a vivid dream in probably six months at least. I had forgotten about the previous dream until I woke up from this one. But this felt extremely familiar. It felt so real, like I was really experiencing it. All of the emotions and memories were so clear in the moment.

It was trippy. When I woke up, I slowly came to realize that I was not going to be executed. Relief has set in. But now I have questions. I don't remember everything that felt so clear moments before. I just know it happened.

I'm not sure how I feel about waking up like this haha.

I like to think that our dreams are windows into our countless, alternate lives if they exist. Sometimes, they overlap and create weird anomalies with the logic haha. Or really the logic of those realities are just that different.

Anyway, I feel like there is a parallel between how I dealt with accepting my fate there and how I've been dealing with my anxiety recently. We can't fight inevitability. I'm learning to accept and let go. It's a very arduous process in which I sometimes take the wrong steps. But I've been getting better, I think. I hope so. Maybe this dream is evidence of that? Haha