The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz

Be impeccable with your word.
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don't take anything personally.
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Don't make assumptions.
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always do your best.
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.


I feel like I'm always revisiting these kinds of thoughts because I always end up forgetting about them after a while.

Such simple things to keep in mind. I remember them and live by them for some time, usually during a period where I'm de-cluttering, re-evaluating some life decisions, and proactively resolving some inner turmoil. I maintain course, and life gets good. Everything goes well. Then somewhere along the way, I forget to maintain; I fall back to bad habits and fall into the usual ruts. I'm aware of it some of the time; other times, other people have to point it out to me.


I think the first agreement is usually the easiest for me to keep. Occasionally, I need gentle reminders to not speak badly of anyone. Learning to vent my pent-up frustrations with myself and others properly and in a manner that is helpful rather than hurtful. I still make mistakes and hurt people. I hope I'm doing right by owning up to the things I carelessly say. I hope I'm owning up to them.

The second agreement is hardest for me. I know I internalize everything. I've never been one to really trust my own judgment of anything. I've always relied on others to give me feedback and accepted them as true without much more thought. I dwell on others' negative perception and judgment of me. I've come to the realization that, when I judge others, I'm viewing with my own lens and biases; the standards and rules that I apply to my own life should not be applied to others. I have to remind myself that other people do the same, and that I shouldn't be living up to anyone's standards but my own. My standards may line up with others', but they're not the same.

I try not to jump to conclusions. And when I do, I try not to hold onto those conclusions when I'm presented with proof to the contrary. I've found that many misunderstandings have led to some of the worst arguments and conflicts in my life. They strained and broke some relationships, and we've never been able to salvage them. I think we damaged our relationships because each of us held onto our own perspective with ridiculous stubbornness and believed that the other was unreasonable for not seeing our perspective or, worse, the other did see our perspective and still hurt us anyway.

The fourth agreement is so simple, yet my mind won't let it stay simple. There's always a scale of success to judge myself on. When I don't overthink, my best feels like enough. But I'm prone to overthinking, something that I feel very little control over. I'm always living in my thoughts and wondering if I could have done better. Sometimes, I remember I couldn't have done better in that moment. Other times, I tell myself I should have done better, despite the circumstances of that moment.


Life is the way it is; it is not the way I wish it to be. I can't control it. I can only help guide my little piece of it. People are who they are; I can't change them. I can't even really change myself (I'm always falling back to the me that hasn't "improved"), but I can continue to learn to direct my energy toward the positive, the beautiful, the changing, the hopeful.

I have my moments where I wish I could reset to or restore the simplicity of my privileged and naive childhood. If I could have helped younger me to not internalize and hold onto all the traumas and pains of experiencing life, I would have taught myself to learn from the experiences and not be so afraid. Alas, I wasn't able to do that then. But I can do that now.

Whatever happens happens. Life goes on, and we will move on with it. So, live and love genuinely out of love.

^I should write that on a piece of paper and carry it with me. I used to do things like that, and it helped with the not forgetting. I'll do that.