Respectfully Disagree.

We can be friends with differing perspectives, beliefs, and opinions.  We interpret and assign meaning to things based on our experiences, environment, upbringing, and various other factors. If you respect me and I respect you, we can be friends. If you learn from me and I learn from you, we can be friends.

I have friends who believe "men should be men" and "women should be women." I understand what they're saying and accept that they believe that because that's what they grew up with. I grew up with it too, but I don't agree with it. Some of these friends used to tell me I should do certain things to look less like a guy (e.g. grow out my hair, wear make-up, stop walking like a guy). It used to hurt me because it made me feel like less of a person since I wasn't "normal" and I wasn't making the effort to change. I have since grown up and learned more about the world and the people around me. I have learned to talk about these different opinions with the very friends who disagree with me. We have had heated arguments. Hopefully, we have taken worthwhile lessons from these arguments. And we're still friends. Most of them don't try to tell me how to dress or act anymore; I hope it's because they realized I am who I am and I try to be a good person regardless of the way I present myself.

And you know what? I wasn't any better than those friends when I was younger. I used to believe the same thing. "Men should be men, and women should be women." I didn't actively push this belief on others, but I still believed it. I used to think trans people were disgusting and weird, even when I first started college. I first met trans people in college, and I just kept my distance. And I wouldn't try so hard to interact with them. I observed them from afar and thought, "How could you feel that way? That's not normal." But then I wondered why I even felt this way. No trans person has ever done anything that negatively affected me. The few interactions I had had with trans folks at the time just showed me that they were as welcoming as any other person I had ever met in my life. So I got to know a few and learned about the community. I still don't know that much about the community, but I know enough about life and people in general to say that trans people are people who can be just as wonderful or just as terrible as any other person in this world. Their genders make no difference; their genders cannot help me predict their mentality, behavior, or anything like that any more so than can the genders of cisgender folks.

All these lessons were learned through amicable interactions and friendships between people who disagreed or did not see eye-to-eye. It could be difficult, but it's possible. We have to be open to it. Open to learning, to growing, to expanding beyond our own limitations.

Joanna's birthday party....

So yesterday, I went to Joanna's party at about 7 or so. I borrowed my mom's car, only after getting reprimanded for wanting to go out. Again. Nothing new. Told her I would only stay 2 or 3 hours just to talk to some friends I hadn't seen in a while.

I drove up and down Joanna's street trying to remember which house was hers. Then I finally decided to just park somewhere and walk until I could find the right house. When I went in, there weren't too many people there yet. Maybe 6 or 7, plus Joanna's bro's (Tiberio?) friends, the 21-and-over's.

The new people I kinda talked to at the party: Chad and 2 girls, whose faces I remember but whose names evade my memory :(

People I did know: Ally, Emerald, Diana Park. There was also Alicia Drake, whom I remember from Marie's Drama class last year (but I never talked to her haha).

Anyway, I think I spent most of the time sitting and talking to a few people. There was also forced dancing. Joanna's dad threatened to turn on Andrea Bocelli (whose music I personally enjoy) if there were people who wouldn't dance. He wanted guys and girls to pair up. Haha that didn't last too long. And I have fun memories of all that dancing too :P Oh, Ally and Emerald ahaha. Other than that, didn't dance much. The room needed to be either smaller or more crowded. Still embarrassing to dance when people can see me dance haha. Either embarrass the hell out of myself or have someone to dance with. And that last bit was definitely not an option haha.

Let's see. What else do I remember from last night? Uhh, drunk guys taunting Joanna's dog. That was bothersome, to say the least. Oh, one of the guys hella reminds me of the wheelchair guy from Scary Movie 2 hahaha. I think it's his eyes, glasses, and goatee.

Well, anyway, the dancing was the last thing I did before I left for home at 11:30. Yeah, my mom wasn't happy about that, but I rationalized and said that it was because my friends didn't show up until 9 or so, which was true. And we all know you can't leave before most people show up. That would just be sad.

Overall, the party was pretty chill. Can't say I had the best time of my life, but it was good stuff. Though, I have to say I felt like people were staring at me a lot O_O I'd always catch someone's stare or glance or whatever. A lil unnerving.

And oh yeah, when I was leaving the party (through the front door), I had to walk through a large group of smokers. Geez. So much smoke. Choking, gag. If it had been 3 or 4 people, ok. But over 10 people packed tight together smoking. Shit, man. How do people breathe?

Also, as I was walking away, I heard one guy ask his friend, "Dude, is that a guy or a girl?" Hmm, he must have been too drunk to tell. Everybody else seemed to know I was a girl. Even Joanna's dad could tell I was a girl, and it's usually the older people who mistake me for a dude. I might not dress up all girly or anything, but I don't think it's that hard to see. Then again, androgyny is just so hot, so maybe it works for me ahaha. I've been called a cute guy before, so hey -shrug- haha... :P

I don't mind it anymore. I used to cry about it because it felt like people were making fun of me (and sometimes they were), but life went on and I learned to just accept people's reactions to whatever they thought of me based on first impressions (sometimes). Gender ambiguity, oh, what fun a person can have with that ;P I can just mess with people's minds haha. I get to watch them try to be polite and avoid masculine/feminine topics to avoid insulting me.

No, I'm not confused about my gender. I'm a girl. I like being a girl, I guess. I mean, you either accept what you're given or change it. Whatever floats your boat. I just like guys' clothes better because they don't restrict breathing or movement as much as girls' clothes do. And they're also more suitable to my "fashion" sense.

So now I'm wondering if I should just go on and let people assume I'm whichever gender they think I am. Or should I just continue to correct them or point out the fact? I mean, correcting people sometimes embarrasses them because... well, actually, I don't know why it would be embarrassing. Maybe just because they couldn't tell and we all obviously should be able to distinguish "boy" and "girl." I don't know.

I just think sometimes it's funny. In fact, when I heard the guy last night, I smiled and laughed to myself. Maybe that's why people kept staring ahaha....