Well, that's two for two so far.

Mother found my ring this morning. On the driveway. Must have fallen out/off when I was pulling off the car cover on the Avalon.

I've lost the ring twice. The first time, I lost it in the garage of one of the other houses I lived in. Mother found it two days later. This time, she found it five days later. See a pattern, don't you? I lose the ring; Mother finds the ring. Yeaah.

I'm glad she found it. I really like this ring. I'll try not to lose it again. I'm also glad because Mother was happier after she found it. That was like the best mood she has been in all week.

And my week started off badly with the ring too. So yay for a happy ending, at least for the ring.


Anyway, in hockey, the class started scrimmaging. I didn't participate of course. I can't go as fast as everyone else. And it seems that every time I get back on the ice (after a week), I always forget how to balance myself at first, and then slowly I get used to being on the ice again.

So before the scrimmage, I thought I had to get off the ice. But when scrimmage started and Mike didn't say anything to me, I stayed on the ice. I just kept skating back and forth from one end of the rink to the other. Tried to stay out of the way of the players. That's quite difficult, but I managed to avoid them most of the time. Only twice did I get too close to the puck. But hey, I'm just another person they have to get around. Added obstacle to a difficult game, so I'm contributing :P

At one point, I tripped and slid across the ice on my ass. One of the girls in the scrimmage tripped or something and started sliding toward me, blades first. That was hella scary. I thought I was going to be sliced or something. But she managed to steer, and I managed to slow down enough so that her skates hit my skates. Later, when I talked to her, she said that she thought she was going to crush me (she's bigger than me, as are most adults). But I would have been fine with that. I've been crushed and/or tackled by big guys before. I've always been fine. Seriously, it was just her skates that scared the hell outta me haha.

At another point, I was picking up hella speed. I was happy. I thought, "Hey, I'm finally not losing my balance." Who knew thinking could be such a big distraction to me? Because that's when I lost my balance and fell backwards on my butt. I don't know what happened, but that was a really hard fall. My spine started to hurt, my legs became wobbly, and my head kept tipping over to the side like I was drunk haha. I couldn't get back up. Every time I tried to kneel, I fell over. So I waited, put my head down on the ice for a bit to keep the rink from spinning. Then Mike came over and asked if I was all right because I usually get back up immediately after a fall. I said I was all right and forced myself back up. After that, I couldn't pick up speed anymore. I don't know why. My legs wouldn't pump as fast anymore. If I quickened up my pace, my legs would get wobbly. Could be a physiological/psychological thing.

And I'm glad to know my instructor pays attention to me, even though I don't keep up with the rest of the class. I'm not joking. It makes me happy because that means he's not one of those coaches/instructors who think like "Are you kidding me? This kid doesn't know how to skate, and they're still here?!" I've met people like that. They don't make me feel good about myself haha. Mike is cool :)

I stayed on the ice for a while. I think that's the longest I've ever been on the ice at any one time. I was the last one to leave the girls' locker room, which meant I was pretty much the last person to put her bag away in the bag room. Being last means that you have to look a eight-foot high wall of bags and wonder how the hell you're gonna toss your bag on top. I didn't. I just threw it behind the door haha. No way could I throw my heavy bag that high haha.


Hmm, I can't believe half the semester is already over. Feels like we only started school like three weeks ago. Now, we basically have eight weeks left. Spring '10 class listings come out on my birthday. Registration starts like a week later, though I will probably have to wait an extra two weeks. Fun. I should really consider declaring a major soon. But I still don't really know what I like. If I don't declare, I don't know what classes I'm gonna take next semester, aside from AAS 33B. Even if I passed the WST (I'll find out in 1-3 weeks), I still won't be able to take the SJSU Studies courses because I don't have upper division standing. So either I just take random GE classes or I declare and take the required GE classes, while risking dislike of my major. Mm...


Anyway, yesterday, after hockey, I went to Tapioca Express to buy drinks for Brother. But when I called him to get the order, he didn't pick up. So I went home to shower. Brother called. I showered first and then went back to Tapioca. Ordered the drinks. One wrong drink. Ordered the right one. I kept the incorrect drink for myself. Drove to Gumbo Jumbo, dropped off the drinks, and drove to SJSU.

Met up with Tatiana. Gave her the drink and a cracker (Mother made me bring crackers since I didn't eat much). Called Kim Ly from our dance class since she wanted to see us practice. She was already in a dance room in the Sport Center with her partner. Met Dan, Tatiana's friend. Went to her dorm to get her laptop and then headed to the dance room.

Practiced. Helped Kim. Practiced some more. T and I were working out the kinks in our dance routine. Tried to make it flow more smoothly. Our final choreo was finished, it was smooth, and it was under a minute. We jumped with joy. More like we bounced around the room, all giddy and everything haha. I usually don't get giddy, but this is the first time I've ever helped make a dance routine for anything haha. I felt accomplished. And also helping Kim made me feel good too. Helping people helps me be happy haha.

But yeah, now, my partner and I have a music selection, a dance routine, and a feeling of accomplishment that will be complete when we blow away our audience during the midterm :D


Hmm, so Kim and Tatiana told me I should be a Kinesiology major. Apparently, I'm just really talented haha. Jk. I dunno. I've considered Kinesiology as a major, but I'm not sure where I would go with it. Could go into sports medicine. We'll see what happens. I still have another semester to decide. Though, I really wanna decide by the end of this semester. It would be nice to finally stop saying, "I'm undeclared," and being met with disappointed looks.


Aaanyway, I need to get some homework done. Or maybe watch a movie. Oh, I watched "I Love You, Man" and "Lust, Caution" last night. ILYM, hilarious in a weird way haha, and I love Paul Rudd. "I'm slappin' the be-ass, mon." XD "Lust" was uhh interesting to say the least. I remember Maggie telling me about this movie a while ago. I liked the story. The ending made me sad. Tony Leung was very convincing. And the sex scenes were plentiful and kinda O_O eek, scary. I felt like I was watching softcore porn during those scenes. But the story was pretty intricate and very dramatic.

And wow, he really did lick her armpit hair hahaha XP

Today was not a happy day :(

When I was in my AAS class, I realized that I wasn't wearing my ring. So I checked my pockets and the area around me. No ring. I started thinking back through my morning to try to figure out where my ring might be. And, gosh, I really don't like being forgetful.

I had my ring on when I was eating breakfast. I took it off and put it in my pocket, so that I could wash the dishes. I sit down and read my book for ten minutes. It's time to leave. I get up. I put my wallet in my backpack. I put my headphones around my neck and my iPod in my pocket, the one with the ring in it.

This is where I don't remember if I put the ring back on or if I even took it out of my pocket :(

But either way, I'm still missing a ring. If I put it back on, that means it fell off my finger. If I left it in my pocket, it fell out of my pocket. Either way, it's my fault.

Because of this ring, I couldn't focus on the history video about Thomas Jefferson. And then I kept messing up in dance class :( Just not a good day.

That ring kinda meant something to me. I mean, it's not so important that I'm gonna die without it (though, Mother might beg to differ because it's been "blessed"). I've had that ring for at least two years. My brother has a matching ring that he doesn't wear anymore. Mm, I just really liked that ring because it was simple. Mm..

Also, I was freaking out because I knew Mother would not be in the least ok with this.

When I told her about the ring, she just looked at me like she was thinking, "Are you fucking kidding me? You lost something else??" Mind you, I don't lose things too often, maybe just once or twice a year. But I guess that's more often than she or Tony lose things. I mean, she loses a lot of things, but they're usually around the house, so it's ok. This, I probably lost outside the house, so very little chance of it turning up.

But, seriously, I was hoping (futilely, as always) that she would at least be grateful that I was honest. I could have kept quiet about it, and she would not have known. I could have lied and said someone stole it, and she wouldn't blame me. But no, because I was honest, she blamed me. I already felt guilty about losing the ring, and I knew telling her would make me feel guiltier (she's just that good). I told her anyway, and of course I feel guiltier than ever. Should be happy that I tell her anything.

But no, I tell her the truth, I'm on the way to "becoming my brother," which doesn't make any sense because he always lied and got caught in his lies. He never came clean about anything unless he was arrested or Mother found a flaw in his stories. Me, I tell her the truth almost immediately, and I get the same treatment Tony does. Ugh, what's the point of being honest if it ends the same? Might as well lie, avoid punishment as much as possible.

But nooo, my morals had to kick in during high school -__- and they're still here. **Can you tell I question my morals a lot?

I'm tagging this entry as "lost items" because I feel like I'm going to lose a lot of things in the future. I've lost things in the past, of course, but I don't remember what they are.


So anyway, I couldn't focus in school today. Just arghh.. But hey, MJ music played during dance class, so I got into that. Lifted my spirits a little. And I think Tatiana and I got like half our choreo down, so that's good.


Let's see. When I was waiting for Mother to pick me up from the light rail station, a girl asked to use my cell phone. She couldn't reach whomever she was calling. She thanked me, handed back my phone, and started walking home. Mother came. As we were about to leave the parking lot, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. I asked the caller if he had just gotten a call from this number. He said yes. So I told my mom to stop the car. I got out and ran after the girl. She talked on the phone for a few minutes and then thanked me again. I told her I didn't want her to have to walk home in the cold, and then I ran back to the car.

That was my good act for the day. Or week. I've no idea. But it made me feel good. I'm surprised Mother didn't yell at me for helping the girl out. You know, being a Good Samaritan will eventually land me in court. Whatever. If I wanna help people, I will. If they act like bitches about it, then so be it. Nothing hanging on my conscience.

I like it like this. Helping people when they ask for it. I'm not so much into organized aid. I'm for it, for sure, but I jus don't commit to things. But help that is random, spontaneous, and so on and so forth is what I like to do. Just give me my lil bits of good will, and I'll be happy.

And yes, this was a trivial incident, but still I felt good about myself, despite the awkwardness of knowing that I ran after a stranger just so she could get a phone call :P


Anyway, just found out from Mother, who found out from Brother, that one of our former neighbors (from Le's neighborhood next to the fire station) died on Friday in a head-on collision with a tree. Don't know details, but Mother is assuming that he was drinking and driving.

Even though we parted from that neighborhood on bad terms, I will still say RIP Luan. I think that's his name, I never really talked to him. But I always thought he was a nice guy, even if he hung out with the dudes that turned their backs on my brother.

Man, I can't believe this is the closest I've been to anyone's death. People close to my family have died, but when they died, I hadn't seen them in years. So I can't really say I knew them well enough. Not this guy. Not even Earl, who was like my best friend.

I guess you could say that I'm "lucky" that no one really close to me has died. But that just means I'll have a harder time dealing with it when the time comes.

I don't know. I feel like crazy shit happens after I leave people. Yeah, I have friends who were nearly kidnapped, raped, or beaten (excluding family shit). But I'm not sure how many I know who have been so so close to death, other than Brother. I mean, I know most of my friends are too smart to drink and drive. I know most of them don't hang out with the type of crowd that could easily get them killed. But then I hear about friends from my past who have been shot at, who've gone to jail or prison for dumb shit, who just DO stupid shit that keeps them close and cuddly with the Grim Reaper.

Maybe I should be grateful that that's not where I'm from anymore. But I don't know. I feel like if I had stayed, maybe I could have changed shit, prevented the stupidity. I don't think I would have stood around while my friends fucked up their lives. Or maybe I would have. Maybe I would have joined them.


Ugh, life is just... hard. I think about the what if's too much. I say RIP too much, for the people I don't know but still think about. Sometimes, I wish I would stop thinking about people. It gets lonely.