Who fuckin' owns at being goalie?

I do, bitches! haha

So I decided to be (the only) goalie during scrimmage. The gear was quite difficult to put on haha XP Asked one of the girls who played goalie before to help me out. Got gloves and a goalie stick from Mike. Got on the ice.

Mm, so I don't remember if I've explained this yet, but I will now. The two sides are basically separated by jerseys. Light (white, yellow, orange) vs Dark (black, blue, teal). Or you could look at it as good vs evil :P Today, one of the blue jerseys played on the wrong side, so I had to watch out for him.

At first, I defended the goal against the dark side. But the players seemed to congregate at the opposite end of the rink a lot. So I switched over to the other goal and defended against the light side. And it ended up that the players would play at my original goal more often -__- So I didn't see the puck too often.

But I stayed where I was for the rest of class. I wanted a challenge. The light side players were better at offense. And they had two players that were just going at it hard. No offense to the dark side, but they weren't great at offense. Almost all of their shots went wide (or it seemed so from my perspective). Good defense though. And they usually got to the puck before the other team. And they went at the game hella hard too. Casey (sp?) actually broke her stick haha. I heard it, but I didn't see it.

So I'm pretty terrible at hockey, yeah? I've said so. I fall a lot. I can't keep up. So playing offense is out of the question for me (for now).

As goalie, I pretty much kick ass ^_^ haha just kidding. I still fell four or five times. But I only let one shot go in at the beginning. My excuse for that was I wasn't used to the goalie gear yet. Nor was I used to my glasses falling down (I let Raisa borrow my lanyard thing to keep up her glasses).

After that first shot, no more shots got past me hehe. I'm just full of surprises, you know. I just let you see me in real action once in a while or right at the very end when you don't expect to see me do shit :P

And I kept falling because, yes, I still have terrible balance. Also, because the force of a few of the shots were enough to knock me backward XP I wasn't crouching low enough, I guess. And wow, it is haaard to get back up when you fall. The shin guards kinda get in the way of getting up haha.

Man, I hella like being goalie. Get to see the whole scrimmage. I don't have to go anywhere fast :P And I get hella compliments at the end, even from Mike haha ^_^ That felt good. I should have been playing goalie weeks ago XP I've always been good at defense. I should have just done it. Too bad this was the last class.

Next semester, I'm definitely coming back to play goalie :D

Haha I'm surprised that I'm any good at goalie. I have a slow reaction time compared to most people. But I guess it's more like I slow down the puck in my mind ^_^ So Matrix-y.

Hmm, for some strange reason, my right ring finger is kinda numb, pins and needles -_- I don't know what I did to it. Maybe I fell on it, mm... I need a finger massage! haha

Anyway, yeah, I feel good. Thank goodness. Yesterday and this morning were quite bleh/grr. Hockey made my day. So yeah, next semester! Definitely my pick-me-up activity for Friday mornings.

First hockey scrimmage...

that I've participated in. I regret not trying to scrimmage the first three weeks. Sad now that next week is the last hockey class. Week after, we get our review for finals. Then week after Thanksgiving, we have our final.

So today, we had a sub. Same guy from the time I actually practiced with the class.

During scrimmage, we switch off five players every two minutes. So my knee didn't hurt today, yay. But my butt hurt a lot because I fell hard so many times XP I hit the puck three times though :P Two of those times, I managed to hit the puck away from the opposing team. The third time, I fell, and the other team still got the puck haha.

But it was all good fun. I collided into like two different people because we were all going after the puck.

So I can't really keep up. But if I just bide my time, the puck comes to me eventually haha.

I wanna try goalie next week. I'm pretty good at defense (as long as I know where I'm going), so yeah.

Although I didn't score or anything, I felt accomplished :D Raisa (classmate) and I are thinking of going to hockey again next semester. Just use someone else's gear. That's what some people have been doing this semester. Someone's been using my gear on Thursdays; stuff keeps changing (i.e. helmet gets tighter, pants get looser). So yeah, apparently, anyone can get into the class without paying.

Amy said she could help me improve my skating over Winter Break, so :) yay for improving. Plus, I really don't want to forget how to skate or play hockey haha. That would be sad. Even if I enjoy being a spectator most of the time.


Anyway, this is a weekend filled with homework that I may or may not finish. And seriously, I can't believe semester is going by so fast (I keep repeating myself). Two more essays and physics questions for homework for the next four weeks. Then my finals start. Dance and Hockey the week after Thanksgiving. Then two weeks later, AAS and PHIL finals back to back on Monday, Dec 14. PHYS final on Tuesday, Dec 15. Then I'm done!

Aye, and I don't know why I'm calling finals midterms. Before, I kept calling midterms finals. Now, this. I'm working in reverse or something.


Tuesday - furlough in PHIL, but I'll still be on campus because I've got lab and a club meeting/potluck.

Wednesday - Veteran's Day. Furlough. What will I do? I haven't told Mother that I don't have classes that day yet >_>

I also need to find time to meet with an academic advisor, so that I can choose classes for next semester. Also need to find time to go to the Philosophy Center, so that I can get my essay reviewed. Then I need to start thinking about a Swing routine (And that's East Coast Single-Step Swing). Only four weeks to prepare :O


Mm, yeah, fun, kinda feels busy.

Well, that's two for two so far.

Mother found my ring this morning. On the driveway. Must have fallen out/off when I was pulling off the car cover on the Avalon.

I've lost the ring twice. The first time, I lost it in the garage of one of the other houses I lived in. Mother found it two days later. This time, she found it five days later. See a pattern, don't you? I lose the ring; Mother finds the ring. Yeaah.

I'm glad she found it. I really like this ring. I'll try not to lose it again. I'm also glad because Mother was happier after she found it. That was like the best mood she has been in all week.

And my week started off badly with the ring too. So yay for a happy ending, at least for the ring.


Anyway, in hockey, the class started scrimmaging. I didn't participate of course. I can't go as fast as everyone else. And it seems that every time I get back on the ice (after a week), I always forget how to balance myself at first, and then slowly I get used to being on the ice again.

So before the scrimmage, I thought I had to get off the ice. But when scrimmage started and Mike didn't say anything to me, I stayed on the ice. I just kept skating back and forth from one end of the rink to the other. Tried to stay out of the way of the players. That's quite difficult, but I managed to avoid them most of the time. Only twice did I get too close to the puck. But hey, I'm just another person they have to get around. Added obstacle to a difficult game, so I'm contributing :P

At one point, I tripped and slid across the ice on my ass. One of the girls in the scrimmage tripped or something and started sliding toward me, blades first. That was hella scary. I thought I was going to be sliced or something. But she managed to steer, and I managed to slow down enough so that her skates hit my skates. Later, when I talked to her, she said that she thought she was going to crush me (she's bigger than me, as are most adults). But I would have been fine with that. I've been crushed and/or tackled by big guys before. I've always been fine. Seriously, it was just her skates that scared the hell outta me haha.

At another point, I was picking up hella speed. I was happy. I thought, "Hey, I'm finally not losing my balance." Who knew thinking could be such a big distraction to me? Because that's when I lost my balance and fell backwards on my butt. I don't know what happened, but that was a really hard fall. My spine started to hurt, my legs became wobbly, and my head kept tipping over to the side like I was drunk haha. I couldn't get back up. Every time I tried to kneel, I fell over. So I waited, put my head down on the ice for a bit to keep the rink from spinning. Then Mike came over and asked if I was all right because I usually get back up immediately after a fall. I said I was all right and forced myself back up. After that, I couldn't pick up speed anymore. I don't know why. My legs wouldn't pump as fast anymore. If I quickened up my pace, my legs would get wobbly. Could be a physiological/psychological thing.

And I'm glad to know my instructor pays attention to me, even though I don't keep up with the rest of the class. I'm not joking. It makes me happy because that means he's not one of those coaches/instructors who think like "Are you kidding me? This kid doesn't know how to skate, and they're still here?!" I've met people like that. They don't make me feel good about myself haha. Mike is cool :)

I stayed on the ice for a while. I think that's the longest I've ever been on the ice at any one time. I was the last one to leave the girls' locker room, which meant I was pretty much the last person to put her bag away in the bag room. Being last means that you have to look a eight-foot high wall of bags and wonder how the hell you're gonna toss your bag on top. I didn't. I just threw it behind the door haha. No way could I throw my heavy bag that high haha.


Hmm, I can't believe half the semester is already over. Feels like we only started school like three weeks ago. Now, we basically have eight weeks left. Spring '10 class listings come out on my birthday. Registration starts like a week later, though I will probably have to wait an extra two weeks. Fun. I should really consider declaring a major soon. But I still don't really know what I like. If I don't declare, I don't know what classes I'm gonna take next semester, aside from AAS 33B. Even if I passed the WST (I'll find out in 1-3 weeks), I still won't be able to take the SJSU Studies courses because I don't have upper division standing. So either I just take random GE classes or I declare and take the required GE classes, while risking dislike of my major. Mm...


Anyway, yesterday, after hockey, I went to Tapioca Express to buy drinks for Brother. But when I called him to get the order, he didn't pick up. So I went home to shower. Brother called. I showered first and then went back to Tapioca. Ordered the drinks. One wrong drink. Ordered the right one. I kept the incorrect drink for myself. Drove to Gumbo Jumbo, dropped off the drinks, and drove to SJSU.

Met up with Tatiana. Gave her the drink and a cracker (Mother made me bring crackers since I didn't eat much). Called Kim Ly from our dance class since she wanted to see us practice. She was already in a dance room in the Sport Center with her partner. Met Dan, Tatiana's friend. Went to her dorm to get her laptop and then headed to the dance room.

Practiced. Helped Kim. Practiced some more. T and I were working out the kinks in our dance routine. Tried to make it flow more smoothly. Our final choreo was finished, it was smooth, and it was under a minute. We jumped with joy. More like we bounced around the room, all giddy and everything haha. I usually don't get giddy, but this is the first time I've ever helped make a dance routine for anything haha. I felt accomplished. And also helping Kim made me feel good too. Helping people helps me be happy haha.

But yeah, now, my partner and I have a music selection, a dance routine, and a feeling of accomplishment that will be complete when we blow away our audience during the midterm :D


Hmm, so Kim and Tatiana told me I should be a Kinesiology major. Apparently, I'm just really talented haha. Jk. I dunno. I've considered Kinesiology as a major, but I'm not sure where I would go with it. Could go into sports medicine. We'll see what happens. I still have another semester to decide. Though, I really wanna decide by the end of this semester. It would be nice to finally stop saying, "I'm undeclared," and being met with disappointed looks.


Aaanyway, I need to get some homework done. Or maybe watch a movie. Oh, I watched "I Love You, Man" and "Lust, Caution" last night. ILYM, hilarious in a weird way haha, and I love Paul Rudd. "I'm slappin' the be-ass, mon." XD "Lust" was uhh interesting to say the least. I remember Maggie telling me about this movie a while ago. I liked the story. The ending made me sad. Tony Leung was very convincing. And the sex scenes were plentiful and kinda O_O eek, scary. I felt like I was watching softcore porn during those scenes. But the story was pretty intricate and very dramatic.

And wow, he really did lick her armpit hair hahaha XP

When I fall hard, that means I'm trying

Internet! Yay. I have been without Internet for four days. Normally, I wouldn't mind it. But I have been waiting for urgent emails and Facebook messages -_- Well, D fixed my Internet, so when I go home, I will be connected again.

Again, sad that technology rules my life. I need a hobby, as I've said so many times before.


Anyway, this week has been a good week. Seriously. I was pretty happy this week. Or at least content. Very little family drama, very little anger. Of course, when I acknowledged this yesterday, Mother had to ruin it. I guess I jinxed it.


Wednesday, two or three of the followers in my dance class told me I was a good leader :) That made me happy. I know I'm getting better. Just didn't think I was getting good enough for people to notice :P

Also, one of the girls who was really bothered about dancing with me seemed to warm up. She didn't throw my hands away when we finished dancing. She smiled. And she actually spoke in sentences to me. Before, it was just a nod, a forced smile, and "yeah" "mm hmm." Progress, yay!

Thursday, I wasn't in class for much of the day. Physics lasted like half an hour because Shao wanted to give us a break (a much needed one). In Philosophy, we got out a little bit early because Prof Giddings had to leave early.

Went to Game Night. Kinda late because Christina got lost finding my place. Ended up with only five people showing up for Game Night. Might have been because of the Fire in the Fountain thing, Homecoming stuff. But it was fun. Played Mario Kart and Brawl. I kept losing XP I don't like the Wii remote. Christina brought a board game, but no one really wanted to play haha. The Settlers of Catan or something like that. Maybe next week.

Friday, hockey. Had a sub. He worked us a little harder than Mike or Matt. I actually participated in the activities this time. Of course, I was always last to finish. And I got the easier courses 'cause I couldn't keep up. And I kept falling. Still clumsy. I might be imagining it, but I think I fell even harder than I did last week. Painful. My butt hurts. Eventually, my left leg went numb, so I sat out for the last half hour of class. Regained feeling, yay, glad I didn't break anything.

When I was leaving the building, one of my classmates, whom I've never spoken to, yelled out to me, "Hey, you're getting better!" or something to that effect. I was happy. Of course, it's possible that she wasn't talking to me; she was kinda far away :P

Two compliments in a week haha. Of course, people could just be saying nice, polite things, but it feels good to hear these things. I never thought that compliments could actually lift my spirits. I always just accepted them as niceties, except when I said them. Usually. I can never tell when people are being genuine, so I either give them the benefit of the doubt or, when I'm in a pessimistic mood, believe they're just being nice not genuine.


Ah, well, that was my week. The only thing that sucked about it was Mother made me order a $200 diamond ring from Jewelry TV. I seriously wish I was mute. I would never have to speak on the phone again. Anyway, yeah, wasting money on something she can't even use, something I don't care for. Ah, c'est la vie, right?


Ayee, I've got an essay to work on this weekend. Due Wednesday. Need research. Shoot.

Now, I gotta go read the rest of my emails and Fb messages. Important stuff. Seriously. I can't believe I haven't been on my accounts in days.

My first hockey injury?

So I'm getting a little better at skating. Not much better, but there's progress.

Mike (instructor) talked to me a bit. Asked me how I was doing. I asked him if there was any way to avoid putting pressure on my left leg. He said no. He's got a knee problem too, but he deals with it. It's why he doesn't play anymore. Teaches instead.

Anyway, I guess I'm trying a lot harder now. Err well, I fall harder. I tried to pass a puck. I can't really stay in place for long. That's something to work on. I can pass pretty well, but I need to work on my stance. When I passed the puck the third or fourth time, I fell onto my side. Landed on my left elbow. Painful.

Now, my elbow won't stop hurting. I can't push with my left arm. Hurts too much :/ Guess this means I can't do push-ups for a while. I hope I didn't fracture something. I've never fractured or broken anything, and I don't want to start either.

My left side is just weak. Keeps getting injured. Whatever.

So the class will start scrimmaging in a few weeks. If I can't skate decently by then, I'll have to sit out :/ That won't be fun. So wish me luck with skating.

I can go forward. I still have a tiny bit of trouble lifting my left leg. But I don't need to grab for the wall as often as I used to. I can cross the ice, following the lines.


Anyway, I'm going to nap, watch a movie, or do homework. I'm tired, but I still have a lot of work to do. Ah, I need to stop stalling.

One foot at a time, or one knee at a time

So I had hockey today. And I stayed on the ice the whole class period this time. But I still didn't participate in the instructor's activities.

I was still trying to stand and move forward. Still falling. A few of my female classmates helped me a little. I forgot to ask for their names, but at least I didn't forget to thank them XP Spent the whole time trying to move forward.

So things I've realized/figured/learned:
I should either stop wearing glasses or learn how to skate with foggy glasses (either way, I'm blind).
I need to keep my feet under me.
I need to bend my knees more.
I am now pro at getting up after falling down :P
I turn right a lot.
I need to work on my left leg (it explains why I keep turning right and falling).

You already know about my back and knee problems. So yeah, my back and knee hurt because I had to bend my knees and keep the position to skate.

At one point, I fell on my lower back. That was way painful. I couldn't get up immediately.

The reason I keep falling and turning right is because my left leg doesn't stay under me. If I try to stand still or even kick off a little, my left leg moves outward. I can't seem to make it go straight. My right leg is fine. I can stand and glide on my right leg pretty well. But as soon as I shift my weight to my left leg, my leg just decides to go to the left -_-

So yeah, I need to strengthen my left leg. Haha I was crying from the pain in my leg (and back). I had to stop so many times, so that my knee would stop feeling like it would pop out (reminds me of Franny). I'd stop, lean to my right, and kick with my left foot until the pain subsided. Then I'd go again. Back and forth at one end of the rink. Then I'd realize that whenever I kick with my left foot (to glide on my right), I don't lose my balance until I realize that my left leg doesn't want to lift up off the ice to go past my right foot. So basically, my left leg stays behind me until I start turning right. I need to figure out how to make my leg just move and not get stuck.

I think it was easier for me to learn how to skate when I was little because I didn't have any back or joint problems yet. Pressure points in my leg were lacking haha. Seriously though, I didn't think my knee would be such a problem for hockey -_- You know what? It's not a problem. It's an extra obstacle in the way of my learning how to skate. I'll work on it at my pace.

And, you know, you would think that the instructors would come over and help me a little. I mean, they said we didn't need skating experience. Wouldn't that mean they would, I dunno, teach those who don't know? Just some basic advice? Instead, a few of my awesome classmates helped me out. Of course, they can't help me out for long because they gotta participate in the activities.

I dunno. I'm just glad I can't fail this class. You don't even need to show up until finals. But of course, that would be a waste of $100 or $150. And, you know, I'm fuckin' poor; I'm not letting money go to waste. So who knows? Maybe I'll just spend this entire semester learning how to skate better haha. My instructors honestly don't care. They're just teaching those who can keep up.

Man, I should have gone ice skating over the summer, but noo I had to forget. Anyway, I wish the rink was colder. Maybe I wouldn't feel any pain, and it would be easier to just push on.

Anyone know how I can make my left leg stronger? I seriously can't put much weight on it. I can skate. I know I can. I've done it before. It's just this fuckin' leg won't... stay on course. Aahh, patience, patience. I'll get this.

Anyway, I think I need to go lie down, so my spine won't be so grr haha. And I still think I want someone to go to the rink with me and help me stabilize haha.

How slippery

I don't like to lose control. I mean, I don't feel like I have much power over anything really in my life. But my sense of balance is one thing I can kinda control.

So today, during Hockey, I stayed off the ice for most of the class time >_< For the first ten minutes, I kept losing my balance, so I gave up. While the whole class was learning skating techniques, I just stood/sat and watched. The last ten to twenty minutes of class will always be free play. So the last ten minutes, I tried to skate one more time. Not much luck. I fell often. Really hard. I even hurt my back because I didn't fall properly.

And I need to go buy one of those lanyard things for my glasses. They kept sliding down, and I couldn't see anything.

What else? Oh, the reason I was so wobbly on my skates in the first place? My skate's were one size too big. I didn't know. I thought they were supposed to be a little loose. Maybe I'll be prepared next week haha.

Seriously though, today, I was embarrassed XP I thought I would remember something about skating from the fourth grade, but no, I didn't. There's like one other guy in my class who doesn't really know how to skate, but he tried.

Need to learn to let loose. Need to learn how to fall. Not be afraid. Very difficult when I've been taught to be very cautious. Like almost obnoxiously cautious. Take no risks. You would think my mom would teach to take risks. I mean, she took a really big risk with her life when she fled Viet Nam. I know, fleeing for your life and playing hockey are two totally different things. But I just wish she had taught me to do more. My life's been way too easy :/

Mm, so for most of the time that I spent on the ice, I was slipping and falling. I kept thinking, though, "Shit, I can't keep falling. I'll break my glasses if I fall too hard. If I break my glasses somehow, Mom's gonna kill me." I almost wanted to cry haha.

Oh, and I did cry a little. My sweat stung so badly. I didn't even know my sweat could sting.

Anyway, hopefully, I'll be a little more courageous next week XP Probably not, but I will try.

I'm hoping to go back tomorrow with someone to learn how to skate (don't know who if anyone yet). I was planning on doing that before school started, but I forgot. I just need some advice about how to stand and move forward. After I get the hang of that, I think I could catch up with hockey. Right now, I have no sense of balance.

And wow, do my ankles hurt! haha.

Anyway, tonight, I'm going to the Ballroom Dance Club lesson. Need to for class. Yay.

I should buy Febreze :P The hockey gear stinks.