I guess I'm still upset about yesterday. I couldn't sleep well.

I went to bed at 10 like usual, slept for about an hour, was awake until 4, and was in and out of sleep until 7 when I decided to just get up. Music usually helps me sleep, but it did nothing for me this morning.

I just laid there, thinking and making monologues in my head. I don't know why I have so much anger about yesterday. I normally let things go pretty easily, especially when it comes to friends. But this, I don't know why it wouldn't let me sleep. Why am I letting myself dwell on this?

I guess I still feel hurt. I don't know why I always have to be the one to bring an issue up with my friends when they're the ones who have an issue with me. I never know there's a problem until later, after they've vented to someone else or given me the cold shoulder. I have to be the one to search for the clues they didn't give me. I have to be the one to walk up to them and make them tell me what's wrong. Why can't they just tell me to my face that they have a problem with me? Why do I have to guess? Why do I have to just happen to find out someone's got a problem with me?

Yeah, this doesn't happen very often. But when it does happen, it makes me wonder how much my friends really value our friendships, how much they value me. It makes me wonder if the reason why it doesn't happen often is that most of my friends are just good at hiding things from me.

Why am I dwelling? It's not even that big of a deal. I'm going to get over this by next week at the latest.

I'm starting to feel like crap. But I think that's just the lack of sleep getting to me.


My friends are always wondering why I can't take compliments. Yesterday has made me realize that I have a hard time believing them. Yesterday is proof that some people really don't believe the nice things they say. They're just nice things to say. I don't know how a person can say that someone's a wonderful person but then is so quick to disparage that person without good reason or even warning.

I dunno. Maybe I'm the one in the wrong, and I just can't see it. I wouldn't know. I'm biased for myself.