Losing touch with friends

A continuation of yesterday's entry. Kinda.

I think I'm content with my friendships. They can stay strong. They can ebb and flow. They can fade out. They can die. They can resurrect themselves.

But I guess I still wonder whether it's my fault friendships don't stay strong because I don't try to keep in touch. I don't try to get the conversations going.

I've lost touch with so many people over the years because I stopped trying to talk to them. I don't try. I don't try to talk to Shiva. I don't try to talk to Harrison, Matt, Ariane, Autumn, Maggie, or anybody I've ever considered to be a close friend. Would I lose these friendships if I don't ever start the conversation once in a while? Would they get tired of always having to be the ones to get me to talk?

I should ask my friends how they feel about their friendships with me instead of wondering.

Facebook made it so easy to "keep in touch." All I had to do was send a friend request and wish them a happy birthday once a year. That was keeping in touch...

Did I really need to keep in touch with all those Facebook friends? Why? Why did I need to prevent the eventual fading out of friendships with people whom I barely spoke to in real life? Maybe I should lose touch with people. The ones who want to stay will stay. Those who don't won't. Yes?

I guess the question is... Do I want to stay? Is my lack of making contact an indication that I don't want to stay? Or that I don't care to stay?

I'm afraid I don't know myself all that well. But I guess the self-questioning is good, yeah? A part of the self improvement thing I'm going for? I suppose I need a little help figuring myself out. I feel like I'm either too easy or too hard on myself to really understand the person that I am and to become the person I can be proud of. The kind of friend I am to people makes me wonder how good of a person I can be...