I'm terrible at keeping in touch.

Or maybe I just don't care to try harder.

I've recently been preoccupied by how well I stay in touch with people. Or rather how I don't keep in touch.

I finally deactivated my Facebook account on Monday. I logged in to check some info about Brother's birthday dinner. Then I decided to once and for all deactivate the account. I thought about deleting it completely, but I have memories on there that I would first like to save to a hard drive before I delete. But that might be a while or never. In any case, my account is deactivated. I don't think most friends noticed. That just attests to how much I talked to people on Facebook anyway. And the only people I ever really talked to on Facebook were people I already spoke to in person frequently.

So now that I'm no longer on Facebook and I've graduated from SJSU, I've been more reclusive than I used to be during vacations. Or I've been wanting to be more reclusive. Throughout October, I just wanted to be alone, except I went out to be surrounded by people just about every weekend. For important people's birthdays.

I'm hoping this mood I'm in will go away soon. Irritability is also accompanying this mood because while I wish to be alone, I'm never alone for long enough. Someone always has to interrupt my solitude before I'm ready. Why can't I just be alone when I want to be?

Anyway, I'm forgetting where this is supposed to go... Oh yeah, I'm horrible at keeping in touch. I've realized I rarely ever contact other people. Thus, I rarely talk to my friends. Shiva and I go days without talking before she eventually calls or texts me. Most of my friends and I go weeks or months without saying a word to each other. Seriously, I think they are always the ones contacting me, if they do at all. Even when Shiva and I were dating, or when I was pursuing her, I didn't call or text her first. It was her starting these conversations 95% of the time.

I'm accepting that that's just how I am and really how I've always been. When I used to start conversations with people, I felt like I had to force myself sometimes. I'm not forcing myself anymore. I hope none of my friends take it personally, if they've noticed. It's not that they're not special or important enough for me to keep in touch with them. I just don't naturally do that. We'll talk when we talk.

Is it strange that I'm ok with this? Is it bad? Or am I really just being lazy and unappreciative of my friends?

I dunno. I feel like I appreciate my friends. When we do talk. When we make time for each other. When I remember our shared experiences. I just don't feel like calling anyone. Or texting them. I never do. I think I feel guilty but not. I dunno how to explain it... I guess this kinda makes me feel abnormal. Never really trying to contact my friends. Never really starting the conversation.

Blah. My thoughts are going on to a related topic, but I don't want to talk about that one here. So I think I'm done with this topic for now.


Something completely unrelated:
Last night was Halloween. We hadn't handed out candy pretty much since I was in high school. Mother didn't want to hand out candy this year either. She was afraid someone would use the holiday to rob us. But I felt bad for the little kiddies. So the idea was to leave a bowl of candy outside the door and leave it be. Except when the first three or four trick-or-treaters came, Mother kept opening the door to greet them because they sounded adorable. I pointed out that it defeated the purpose of leaving the candy out. So I told her to either take the bowl in and just hand it out as the kids came or stop opening the door. She got mad at me for pointing out the not-very-smart nature of her actions.

Every year when Halloween comes around, she's always talking about how someone could use kids as decoys for us to open the door and the adults could rush in once the door's open. The bowl was there to prevent such an occurrence. She was basically "putting herself in danger" last night. Why did I get in trouble for trying to "save her"? -_- So annoyed.

Oh well. At least I enjoyed Halloween with a Scream marathon. I realized I had only watched the first and third installment before yesterday. But going through all four movies was fun. I was so close to getting through all four movies without jumping -w-" Jumped twice during the fourth movie. Rawr. So close. Anyway, yay for meta comedy horror!


Ooh, btw, I celebrated Brother's birthday with his friends for the first time on Monday. We went to Grill 'Em Steakhouse. It was interesting to watch him get drunker as the night went on. I met his friends, but I didn't really talk to any of them. I was being the oddball, quiet younger sister. It was awkward. I really didn't try to talk to anyone. Maybe I should have tried. Oh well. What's done is done.

At least Brother was happy I was there :) So the awkwardness was worth it, I guess haha.


Anyway, two months until 2013 starts. 2012 has flown by so quickly. I still remember the events of this year so well. It's been a life-changing year. Well, just like any other, but more so in certain aspects of my life. More dancing. More awareness. More positive feelings and mindset. More getting-to-a-good-place. But also more irritability. More drama. More loss.

I wonder what 2013 will bring. Probably more of the same haha.