Real adulthood is overwhelming me...

Before I even get to jump into it.

I couldn't sleep last night. My brain just kept thinking, even though my body was so tired.

The past two days, I've really only been thinking about how my future is going to affect me. Last night, I couldn't stop thinking about how my decisions are going to affect Mother.

I'm overwhelmed by the potential of my future. Even from the small things. The small plans. Overwhelmed but so excited. I'm happy.

But I worry about Mother. I have so many worries about her. I know I've wanted to be independent of her for a long time because she's overprotective and controlling. But I know she just wants everything to work out perfectly for me. But that's not the point. The point is I'm leaving Mother's home. She'll be alone after I move out. Will she become lonely? Will moving out have negative repercussions on her mental or emotional state? Will she be ok?

I was a mess last night. I haven't cried so hard since... well, a short while ago. I haven't talked to her about this yet. I think I want to. But I don't know how that conversation will go. What if she doesn't even think about it? Until I mention it.

I know my life could get really tough. And it scares me a little. But I know I could handle it. But thinking about Mother and how all this could affect her... scares the shit out of me. Terrifies me to no end.

I want everything to go smoothly for Mother's sake. If problems arise for me alone, that's fine. I'll figure it out, and I have friends who can help me. But if anything happens to Mother, I don't know what I would do.

Ahhh, my brain... So much clouding my brain.