Make-up

I don't wear make-up. I don't like wearing make-up. I have worn make-up.

I used to think I was really unattractive. I mean, why else would people bully me when I was younger, yeah? Now that I'm older, I have come to learn that sometimes people bully others just because they can to make themselves feel better about themselves. So I know what I looked like didn't really have much to do with the bullying. I probably just looked like a weak and easy target. Anyway, at this point in my life, I don't necessarily think I'm attractive or beautiful. But I don't think I'm that bad-looking. If anything, I could pass for cute haha.

I have never wanted to wear make-up, even when I thought I was ugly. I didn't think make-up would help me. I also didn't want to feel like make-up was the only reason people would find me attractive. Plus, my skin likes to breathe and feel air... So I just accepted my not-pretty-ness and moved on with it.

I think I've worn make-up a handful of times in my entire life. A couple of times when I was a kid. My mom got me dressed up for Tet, Vietnamese New Year. There are photos. Actually, there are photos of me every time I've worn make-up. Hmm, I've only worn make-up because my mom made me do so.

I wore make-up for Junior Ball, my senior portrait, and Senior Ball. My mom wouldn't let me go to any of these unless I put on make-up. I didn't enjoy it, but I did it because I didn't want to miss out on my cliché high school experiences.

I don't really remember why I wanted to write about this. Just thoughts to get down, I guess.

Anyway, I realize that, on a shallow level, while I tend to find myself more physically attracted to femme women, I don't know if I would want to date someone who wears make-up often. I just want to be able to feel my partner's skin without gunk in the way haha. Natural beauty all the way :3 It just seems more real. I dunno how to explain it.

Just thinking back on all the people I've found myself interested in, I noticed that the people who kept my interest the longest did not wear make-up much if at all. In fact, they've been relatively in between masculine and feminine. I think they fit with me personality-wise better than the more feminine women I've been into.

Ugh, my brain is all over the place. I can't stick to the topic long enough to type my thoughts out. Blah.

Ultimately, all that surface stuff doesn't matter much. But I know my preferences. But they're just preferences. I can live with or without them.


Rawr. This is one of the worst blog entries I've written... Cannot make thoughts work haha. May revisit this topic in the future when thoughts work properly.

Anyway, time for a four-day weekend :D

I never really notice things

I don't notice the things people wear. I don't notice how they decorate their rooms, their cars, their bodies. I might notice how they present themselves, how they decorate their personalities.

Mother, D, and I were talking about how D doesn't notice the women around him, at work, wherever, which is good, you know. He doesn't notice what they wear or anything like that. Why do we need to notice? I mean, I notice people, beautiful people, other people. I just don't notice what color their shirt is or what style of shoes they're wearing. Why should I? It's not that important to me.

Why do we need to notice? Other than to understand a person's facade, apparent personality, and general taste in fashion. It doesn't tell you too much about a person, unless you're trained to read their appearance. And I'm willing to bet that most people are not trained to do so.

Hm, so why do people, mainly women, expect others to notice their new clothes, their new hairstyle, their new whatever? [And I admit to doing this too, though not openly. It's all in my head.] Why should we care? Eventually, new becomes old, and it's all in the past.

Still, I try to notice. I've taken the hint from people that they want me to see something about them. And I'd like to compliment people, but it doesn't happen often. It's not in the forefront of my mind. Again, why should it be? Yeah, I want to make people happy. Maybe I should try a little harder to accomplish the small goal. Maybe. I just don't always see it as my way of doing so, but sometimes I feel like that's the only thing that's going to please a person.

How shallow of me to think so...


So LASIK is becoming a real option. I don't know. I don't really wanna get LASIK. Kinda weird to think about. No glasses. Though, apparently, I would still have to wear sunglasses O_o I'm used to glasses. I'm used to seeing frames around my eyes. I think I look better with glasses.

I'm stalling on calling the surgeon's office. Not a big fan of surgery. Never had a serious one before, only small stuff. And you have to be awake for this. Even though you won't see or feel anything. Still, I don't want to be awake thinking about a laser being focused on my eyes.

What do you think? Should I get LASIK? Mother wants me to get it done over Winter Break. Start the new year without eyeglasses. That would be a change from the usual.

If I get LASIK, wanna go with me to choose a pair of cool-looking sunglasses?


I have a few problems. Physical ones. I usually don't quantify them, but I will here. Apparently, I had a couple of problems when I was born. Though not many, my family always made me feel like I gave them too many problems.

I used to be slightly cross-eyed when I was one or two. Now, I just wear eyeglasses to correct my vision. Maybe by the end of this year, that won't be a problem anymore.

I used to get ear infections, just like many other children did. Although, my infections happened frequently and often. Had to have a small surgery to insert a tube or something in my ear (or ears, I don't remember). Now, no more infections, yay. But I have a hard trouble hearing sometimes. And I'm not very good with locating sounds :( My binaural cues do not help at all. I think one ear is weaker at receiving sound than the other. Explains why I can never locate ringing cellphones XP

Hm, it seems that my sense of smell is lacking as well. I can't always distinguish scents. Don't know how to explain that haha.

My back has been a problem for several years now. Scoliosis. Can't sit straight up for a long time. Hurts my lower back and shoulders. I think it's my trapezius muscles (or whatever muscles attach to my scapula) that experience the most pain.

My left knee started hurting about a year after I found out I had scoliosis. The pain has since become intermittent and moved to the muscles in my thigh and calf as well. May or may not be related to the back problem. One doctor said that many girls had knee problems. Depends on how we walk, how the muscles rub against the knee cap. So who knows? But my left leg is much weaker than my right. I should at least be able to put all my weight on my left foot, but I can't without a lot of discomfort.

These aren't many or serious problems, but they are a part of my life. I just wish my mom didn't make me feel like I've been a burden. I try to deal with these things without telling her, but then she says I don't confide in her. When I confide about how I'm feeling about anything, it's like I'm just bothering her with more of my problems.

Yes, I do admit that I use these as excuses for being inadequate, inefficient, incapable. Usually justified, sometimes not >_> Sometimes, it's also hard to downplay how much something bothers me. But I try. I don't want people to think I don't try, that I resort to these things as soon as things get tough. I just don't like pushing the boundaries on my abilities and pain threshold XP


Anyway, I really need to get started on my homework haha. Should finish early. Leave more time for resting and fun. Q&A Movie Night on Wednesday :D Game Night on Thursday. Yay.

Nice is never out of style

The black limited edition of ^that shirt is sold out :( So this morning, I ordered the original Nice Girl shirt and the Fierce-Nice hat (Finally!). I'm so happy. Finally buying my Wong Fu stuff (You knew I was talking about WF Productions, yeah? Yeaah). I'm just sad I couldn't get the Nice is Never Out of Style shirt. There's another one, but it's gray and I don't like the design as much. Oh well, I got the original NG shirt (in medium because large is sold out, grr) and the hat, so it's all good.

Can't wait for them to arrive :D I can switch between hats, yay.


Hmm, so how would you feel if your family told you that you're not beautiful/handsome? My family told me that I'm not beautiful or attractive, but I am cute/adorable. If I hadn't come to that conclusion myself years ago, I think I would have been insulted and disappointed.

Of course, you as a friend would say that I am beautiful. But if you were to be objective about my looks (oh, the irony of that, objectivity about aesthetics), you too would say that I am not beautiful or pretty or even attractive. I've got the geeky look going for me. Not the hot geek look though haha. But you know that's cool with me.

I've known since I was little that I wasn't the kinda pretty that others would fall for. At first, that realization made me want to cry. I thought that meant I would never be in love or something because only pretty people fall in love :P Ugly people don't get to find love.

However, I don't see myself as ugly. I know I'm just ok-looking. I mean, I guess I could wow people if I put on some makeup, as evidenced in my senior portrait :P But other than that, I know I'm all right. I don't repel people. So that's good.

There was a point to this topic. I guess what I was thinking was I know that my looks aren't what's affecting my non-existent love life haha. I feel like sometimes that's what I focus on, even though I know it's not true. I've kinda come to the conclusion that people aren't attracted to me mostly because I'm too nice (or so I've been told).


So anyway, I think you already know (or have just figured out) why I love the "Just a Nice Guy" videos. Just because I can really relate. Haha I just gotta be patient now and wait for the right one to come along. No need for loneliness anyway. I got you guys :)