I never really notice things

I don't notice the things people wear. I don't notice how they decorate their rooms, their cars, their bodies. I might notice how they present themselves, how they decorate their personalities.

Mother, D, and I were talking about how D doesn't notice the women around him, at work, wherever, which is good, you know. He doesn't notice what they wear or anything like that. Why do we need to notice? I mean, I notice people, beautiful people, other people. I just don't notice what color their shirt is or what style of shoes they're wearing. Why should I? It's not that important to me.

Why do we need to notice? Other than to understand a person's facade, apparent personality, and general taste in fashion. It doesn't tell you too much about a person, unless you're trained to read their appearance. And I'm willing to bet that most people are not trained to do so.

Hm, so why do people, mainly women, expect others to notice their new clothes, their new hairstyle, their new whatever? [And I admit to doing this too, though not openly. It's all in my head.] Why should we care? Eventually, new becomes old, and it's all in the past.

Still, I try to notice. I've taken the hint from people that they want me to see something about them. And I'd like to compliment people, but it doesn't happen often. It's not in the forefront of my mind. Again, why should it be? Yeah, I want to make people happy. Maybe I should try a little harder to accomplish the small goal. Maybe. I just don't always see it as my way of doing so, but sometimes I feel like that's the only thing that's going to please a person.

How shallow of me to think so...


So LASIK is becoming a real option. I don't know. I don't really wanna get LASIK. Kinda weird to think about. No glasses. Though, apparently, I would still have to wear sunglasses O_o I'm used to glasses. I'm used to seeing frames around my eyes. I think I look better with glasses.

I'm stalling on calling the surgeon's office. Not a big fan of surgery. Never had a serious one before, only small stuff. And you have to be awake for this. Even though you won't see or feel anything. Still, I don't want to be awake thinking about a laser being focused on my eyes.

What do you think? Should I get LASIK? Mother wants me to get it done over Winter Break. Start the new year without eyeglasses. That would be a change from the usual.

If I get LASIK, wanna go with me to choose a pair of cool-looking sunglasses?


I have a few problems. Physical ones. I usually don't quantify them, but I will here. Apparently, I had a couple of problems when I was born. Though not many, my family always made me feel like I gave them too many problems.

I used to be slightly cross-eyed when I was one or two. Now, I just wear eyeglasses to correct my vision. Maybe by the end of this year, that won't be a problem anymore.

I used to get ear infections, just like many other children did. Although, my infections happened frequently and often. Had to have a small surgery to insert a tube or something in my ear (or ears, I don't remember). Now, no more infections, yay. But I have a hard trouble hearing sometimes. And I'm not very good with locating sounds :( My binaural cues do not help at all. I think one ear is weaker at receiving sound than the other. Explains why I can never locate ringing cellphones XP

Hm, it seems that my sense of smell is lacking as well. I can't always distinguish scents. Don't know how to explain that haha.

My back has been a problem for several years now. Scoliosis. Can't sit straight up for a long time. Hurts my lower back and shoulders. I think it's my trapezius muscles (or whatever muscles attach to my scapula) that experience the most pain.

My left knee started hurting about a year after I found out I had scoliosis. The pain has since become intermittent and moved to the muscles in my thigh and calf as well. May or may not be related to the back problem. One doctor said that many girls had knee problems. Depends on how we walk, how the muscles rub against the knee cap. So who knows? But my left leg is much weaker than my right. I should at least be able to put all my weight on my left foot, but I can't without a lot of discomfort.

These aren't many or serious problems, but they are a part of my life. I just wish my mom didn't make me feel like I've been a burden. I try to deal with these things without telling her, but then she says I don't confide in her. When I confide about how I'm feeling about anything, it's like I'm just bothering her with more of my problems.

Yes, I do admit that I use these as excuses for being inadequate, inefficient, incapable. Usually justified, sometimes not >_> Sometimes, it's also hard to downplay how much something bothers me. But I try. I don't want people to think I don't try, that I resort to these things as soon as things get tough. I just don't like pushing the boundaries on my abilities and pain threshold XP


Anyway, I really need to get started on my homework haha. Should finish early. Leave more time for resting and fun. Q&A Movie Night on Wednesday :D Game Night on Thursday. Yay.