I never want to date a girl...

who loves expensive jewelry, who buys that shit at least once a month. I can't stand it. It's a waste of money. Jewelry does nothing for you except maybe make you stand out. Excessive jewelry makes you look arrogant. Showing off your jewelry makes you look like a snob. I honestly don't know what the appeal is of diamonds and stuff. If I could, I would give away all my jewelry to people who love it.

Mother keeps buying all this shit, wasting money that we barely have. Why? Because she wants to wear a lot of different jewelry. I don't know why. She's already got a bunch of stuff. I want to tell her to stop buying the fucking things, but I don't want a repeat of the last time I was uncooperative. I don't need her to put me down just because I wouldn't spend money on her (It's not even my or her money to spend).

Please, tell me I'm not gonna date a girl like my mom. I can't stand it when people waste money on frivolous things like expensive jewelry, unless they're rich and they can afford this shit. Toys, ok. Collector's items, go for it. But jewelry, no.

I think I just dislike jewelry because all it is a sign of wealth and a way to show off. The sad part is Mother doesn't even wear half the stuff she buys. Why? She doesn't want to show off and get robbed. Then what the fuck is the point of buying this useless crap? Because she wants to show them off.

She does not see the error of her ways, and that's just fucking sad.

So yeah, I don't want to date anyone who cares so much about jewelry. Fake jewelry is whatever, I don't care. Expensive jewelry (that you're afraid to wear) is a big no-no. Expensive jewelry that you don't need, that isn't even useful, that wastes what little money you have, it's all shit. I can understand when you have a large income, you want to show it, fine, it's YOUR money. If you didn't work for some of that money, don't fucking spend someone else's money for something you don't need. Unless they give you permission.

Grrr.. You know, I'm not saying I won't buy jewelry for my future whoever. It's just I don't want them to expect me to buy them things that they think they deserve. I want them to accept and appreciate any gifts I buy. I just don't want them expecting me to bend over backwards just to get some useless thing that won't even mean anything.

Besides, as a person, you're biased as to what you think you do or do not deserve. Hell, you're biased about what you think others deserve (I know I am).

And you know I'm not saying that people who wear jewelry are idiots or anything like that. I wear jewelry. Not really by choice, but I do. I like my necklace because I like that it represents my faith in Buddhism. I like my ring because it's supposed to be something I share with my brother (and it's just simple, almost minimalist). Earrings, well, I've been wearing earrings since before I can remember, so wearing earrings is just a habit I don't take off. I could do away with the bracelets. Not a big fan of bracelets.

Really, this entry is just me complaining about wasting money on things when you don't have that much money. And I really don't see how jewelry can make a person happy. But that's just me. I'm different, I know. I think I'm just a minimalist by nature. Or mostly minimalist. But if I could, I would give a lot of things away and still be happy with what I have left. Everything that I would leave myself with has a lot of sentimental value, maybe not enough utility. Ah, I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore.

I was just really pissed when I started this entry. Could have something to do with Mother pushing her agenda on me. Expecting me to buy things for her when I have a job. It's not the spending that I have a problem with. It's her expectation that I owe her anything. Yes, she's my mother. Yes, she's taken care of me since I was born. Yes, many of the things she has done for me deserve recompense. But I don't like it when people do things because they expect something in return. And that's the image she is projecting of herself to me. I will take care of her, give her money, do whatever to make her happy in the future. She's my mother. But I want to do these things because I care, not because she expects me to do them.

Doing things people expect you to do is not always satisfying. It makes me feel like a doormat. Like I can't think for myself. Like nothing has been my decision.

Yeah, that's how I've really felt all these years. That I'm a robot who takes orders. Who is not allowed to have her own good intentions.

Ahh, I really need to get out. I'm feeling worse by the day. I want to complain more, but I shouldn't. I just wish I could somehow be...

Better. In so many ways. I want to feel adequate, but it's not gonna happen.

Aye, someone please tell me what is wrong with me and my way of thinking. I feel so wrong..