Dating Strangers.

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A couple of different friends recently (and incredulously) asked me why I haven't dated strangers. Why won't I try meeting and dating new people?

My answer: I think every relationship's foundation should always be a strong friendship. Your partner should be one of your best friends. If you can't be good friends, how are you supposed to be good partners? I personally would like to know that we connect on various levels, not just on a romantic or aesthetic one. I could meet someone I'm interested in, but I wouldn't pursue anything immediately. I would get to know them as a person first. No dates or anything like that. No need to try to impress each other. I just want to get to know you, not the you that you think I would like.

I've also always taken comfort in the fact that Shiva has remained one of my closest friends despite everything bad that happened between us in our relationship. I hate losing people. So I would like to know that, if a relationship were to go south, we could still be friends and our friendship is much stronger than any troubles we face. A break-up would just mean we tried our best to make things work but we weren't compatible or the timing was off. (It's always the timing, dang it!)

When you break up with someone who was never a friend in the first place, you don't have a friendship to go back to. I just can't see myself doing that. When you have such a strong bond together, when you've built something together, when that person is a really good influence on your life, sometimes you should keep their presence in your life. Obviously, breaking up would require some time and space from each other. But it doesn't have to last forever. You can still keep that good influence in your life.

I know that not every relationship that starts as a friendship could return to a friendship. I know circumstances vary. But I would like to know that the possibility is there. Starting off as strangers just makes it seem nearly impossible to retain a friendship afterward. Yeah, some folks should not be friends after they break up. But I can't imagine any relationship of mine ending like that. I would hope I don't date someone who could end up hating me or vice versa.

Another pro for not dating strangers: It feels like I'm less likely to date someone psychotic or abusive. Sometimes, I'm not sure how vulnerable I would be to dating that type of person. Or if I would be able to get myself out of it if that were the case. So as a preventative measure, getting to know a person as well as I can before I decide I would like to explore further options would be best. I've met some very attractive people that I decided to get to know better. And oh dear goodness. The arrogance, the willful ignorance, the stupidity, and the bullshit that has come out of people's mouths... I can't.

When you go on dates with people who don't know you, they're often trying to be on their best behavior to impress you. You don't always get the real, stupid things that are going through their minds until you are nearing or have entered a relationship. Then this is where you feel like you've wasted time and interest. Or you feel like you both have invested enough to give them a pass for the bullshit.

I've realized and come to accept the fact that I'll probably always be the one to pursue someone else. If I'm going to put in all that effort, I want to make damn sure that person is well worth the effort before I take a step in that direction.


You know, I say all this, and I feel like it's the truth for me. But sometimes, I ponder the option of just asking out a stranger. Just to see how that would work out. But I know a part of me is just too afraid to try that. Plus, aesthetically-pleasing strangers really aren't always that attractive... Personality really pulls me in. I've realized this. Recent experiences has proven it to me. So I'll stick with my experience.

Though, who knows? Maybe one day I'll take a risk and try something different. Like Tinder... Hahahahaha maybe not. I have not yet reached that limit.