Delete delete delete...

I feel like getting rid of my Myspace and Facebook.

I originally got a Myspace to listen to new music and later a Facebook to keep in touch with my friends.

I don't do much of either anymore.

If I get rid of them, I will pretty much lose touch with everyone I used to talk to. But I don't talk to anyone enough for them to notice if my pages just disappeared. I wonder if anyone would say anything. I mean, it's not that important. And I'm really only messaging with one person, and that's Karissa, whom I have met but never spoken to. Everyone else I've been exchanging messages with online hasn't been replying for a long time.

I don't go on AIM very often anymore. People don't log on much or say much to me. Everyone's on Facebook. Got some people on Myspace occasionally.

It's sad that social networks are the only way I keep in touch with people. Then again, we're all separated, and I'm not a phone person. So it makes sense to use Myspace and Facebook to talk to them. And everything is online now, all on FB and stuff. Information about events, birthdays, everyday stuff. They're all updated on Facebook. I delete Fb; I delete my social planner.

I don't know why this feels like such a big decision. It's just Myspace and Facebook. This shouldn't be such a major decision. There are people who can live without these websites. Why can't I?

I hate that we're so dependent on the Internet to maintain our friendships. I know it's my fault that I feel alone. But I feel like my spending time on those websites contributes to my loneliness. I'm always waiting for messages, sitting in front of this desktop and hoping for a reply. I don't like that I log on just to check for messages and comments. That's all I do, and I usually am not satisfied.

I really dislike Myspace and Facebook. However, if I delete my accounts, I will lose touch with the people I've already lost touch with. They're all just faces on the screen now. I hate that.

I think... I will delete my accounts by June. I'll have to ponder this some more. What a dumb thing to be hung up on, but this is the concern of a dumb teenager.


In a way, this is like me losing touch with society. Society is disappointing. I'm disappointing. I'm separating the disappointments? No. I'm losing touch with my old self and being pulled into the future that is now.


Ah, how am I gonna delete my accounts? I have letting-go issues. It was so difficult for me to delete my old Xanga back in 8th grade. I haven't been able to delete Myspace for the past two years (yeah, I've been thinking about it for that long). I have trouble deleting friends from my pages. I always seem to think that if I delete them, they're gonna be gone from my life forever. Or I think if I leave them there, they might one day talk to me again. But they don't talk to me anymore. They don't even reply when I try.

When I delete friends, I always wish that we will one day speak again, like we used to or like we should... Yeah, I think I've got some serious problems in the head.


I think I will try to delete my accounts. Within the next 2 months. I hope it will be liberating and not too painful haha.



And gosh, I really wish my headache would go away :(