Matt's Rainbow Grad

Yesterday was the SJSU LGBTRC's 6th Annual Rainbow Graduation. Yay! I attended to show support for Matt, one of my closest friends--sometimes, it still feels weird to say I have close friends haha. One of my other friends, Amarissa, was also graduating.

Alex T and Tuan T also came. Zain, as well, whom I've met a few times before but with whom I never really conversed. Met a few nice, interesting people. Crizella, Matt's sister. David, an Applied Math grad. Frank, one of Matt's coworkers.

Matt and Amarissa's speeches got emotional. I had allergies. Nose and eyes were running. During their speeches, it was like my face was replaced with a faucet. I blamed the allergies haha. But seriously, they got me. Matt thanked several folks, including me, in his speech. His emotions were deeply felt at my table. Tuan, Alex, and I were just like, "Oh no. Our eyes!" Haha.

After the grad, we went to Amor Cafe to hang out for a while. Then Matt, Crizella, Tuan, and I decided to hit up Dave & Buster's. I actually played a few games because Matt and Crizella kept swiping me in -w-;; Thanks, y'all, for including me. In return, I gave them my tickets haha.

We decided we were hungry. So we went to Denny's. Crizella ordered some appetizer. And then we bounced because In-N-Out sounded better. We spent a good chunk of time at In-N-Out looking at guys who came through the place haha. I need to learn how to pay attention to people's eyes, so that I know what they're looking at and where their attention is. It would help with my gaydar XD

I didn't get home until around 1:30. Bed by 2.

Up at 5 and managed to fit in a shower, yay! Now, it's time to go to work.

Yesterday was a good day :) And it ended well! I'm happy. And I'm very proud of Matt for finishing his undergrad. I'm looking forward to surviving adulthood with him haha. But first, University Commencement and the Castro on Saturday as an extended celebration!

I'm an SJSU alum now

Rainbow Grad was Wednesday, May 23rd.
Sociology Graduation was Thursday, May 24th.
University Commencement was Saturday, May 26th.

Mother and Brother came to the Soci Grad. Brother and his girlfriend, Karina, were supposed to go to the main graduation, but they didn't make it.

I really only wanted to go to Rainbow Grad. I went to the other two because Brother convinced me that my family wanted to attend my graduation. Really, I think he was the only one who wanted to go.

Anyway, the graduations were fun--I was decked out in a lot of rainbow for the main graduation; my queerness could be seen from all corners of Spartan Stadium hahaha. This past week has been fun and exciting, but it's also had its share of anger, pessimism, and tears. It's an interesting start to my post-grad life.

I don't know how I feel. My level of excitement has been fluctuating crazily over the past few weeks. By the time graduation ceremonies started happening, I was neutral. But being surrounded by amazing friends helps alleviate the neutrality and the lows I've been experiencing.

I've been going out pretty much every day, being around many friends and just enjoying myself. I just wanted to chill with my friends before life gets busy for everyone and they all move away or something.

I watched the Avengers last Monday, took my last final last Tuesday night, attended the graduations on Wednesday and Thursday, attended Fanime for the first time on Friday, sat through Commencement on Saturday with Vivi, and cleaned out my room and hung out with my friend, Tina, yesterday.

Now the week of celebrating is over, which is fine. I still don't like going out every day. Though, I do plan to go dancing again this Friday at Fuz with Matt and Vivi. I need more stress relief.

Anyway, yeah, I'm a graduate. It's crazy. I didn't think I was gonna do it. But I did it. My family's proud and happy. So that's good.

I'm continuing my job search. I may consider using a temp agency to find work. It may come to that. That's ok. I'm not that picky. I could do anything now. I don't have a plan. I'm just going where life takes me until I figure out what I want.

I'm taking a lot of time to figure out what I want. Figuring out a lot of things. Who I am. Who I want to be. Where I want to go. How I'm going to get there. Why I'm doing what I do. If I know what I'm doing. Just a lot of things to think about and to do something about. I'm making progress, I think.

I know I'm dependent on people. I don't know how to think for myself. Or I do, but I don't act on it very well. I'm trying to become self-reliant and do things for myself and not just for others. Getting a job would help. But that's just one part of my life.

Socially, I need to buck up and be me. Know who I am when I'm with people because I know I'm different then from who I am when I'm alone. Slowly but surely, these people that I become will be one person. My friends are starting to see me as what I am. I think they are. I'm showing them more. It's terrifying, but I know it will be rewarding. I know I need to talk to them more because talking helps. I'm making progress. Sometimes, I regress, and I don't talk about things I should. Again, I'm working on it.

I've been thinking about careers. But I know I need more time to figure that out. Right now, I'm good with doing any job. I just need something to keep me busy, to give me some sort of direction, even if it's just bagging groceries or stocking shelves.

School used to be an expectation. Now that it's done, and I know I'm not going to grad school, I don't really know what to do. So a job is what I'm thinking about now. Typical.


Blah. I'm done with school. I feel like I'm in limbo -sigh- Things will work themselves out, as long as I don't give up, yeah? Yeah.

Oh yeah, btw, I have a car now. It feels nice to be able to get myself to places. Next couple of steps... get a job so that I can pay for my own gas; save money; move out; live life how I want to live. Sounds good.


My breakdown in high school... They think it was about me not getting a car. Really? I'd think they should know me well enough. That might have sparked some of my anger, but there was so much else going on. Whatever. They don't need to know.


So I just learned that the mother of a recent Independence High School graduate just died last Thursday. I don't know the family, but it's a small (Vietnamese) world. I have friends who knew the student. Is it just me, or am I hearing about a lot of death lately? Been hearing more about the deaths of Vietnamese people in the news. Or maybe it's a dramatization in my brain. Just a lot of death. Anyway, to anyone who's lost a loved one, we'll survive and we'll carry their memories with us. To those who've passed, rest in peace.

Death is inevitable. Do we ignore it? Fight it? Embrace it? What can we do?


Oh, this got depressing really fast. I should stop.

Shiva's Graduation Ceremonies (May 28)

So today, I woke up early to go to Shiva's SJSU Commencement Ceremony, which was at the Spartan Stadium. Marian L and I got a ride with Shiva and her parents. A bit of traffic on the way, but it wasn't too bad.

Took pictures. There was a spartan helmet made of blue and yellow balloons :D Pretty cool.

Shiva went to the assembly area for the Social Sciences, while her parents, Marian, and I went to the bleachers. Found seats facing the the Social Sciences section. Marian and I sat away from Shiva's parents.

She and I watched the procession. Laughed because, while all the other colleges had continuous lines of graduates walking in, the social sciences line had like a ten-minute gap in the procession. Tried to look for Shiva, but it took a long while. She called. I called. We called. All trying to find out where the other was. Eventually, Marian and I spotted Shiva on the football field. Tried to take pictures, but there was this tall guy sitting in front of Shiva -_- Had to wait for his head to get out of the way. But it kept getting in the way, grr. He moved a lot and talked to his friend a lot. Whenever there was a good shot of Shiva (the guy moved out of the way) and I lifted her camera to take a picture, he would disrupt the photo >_< Even when Shiva stood on the chair, the guy would still get in the way by either being too tall and standing in front of her or standing on his friggin' chair in front of her -______________- When the guy was finally completely out of the way for a few minutes, Shiva's camera died on me T__T

Hmm, many of the attendees, including myself, learned that SJSU had a fight song o_o The weather was interesting. Cold and hot. Scorching sun at times, windy at others. Sunny, but sprinkled once or twice. 3ish hours long in this weather, not too fun. I didn't really pay too much attention to the speeches because I had been focusing on taking pictures. After the camera died, I started paying attention. Also waved to Shiva a couple of times. I wonder if she noticed when I waved at her with my whole body (or rather top half of my body XD).

Oh, at one point during the ceremony, Marian took out a bottle to blow bubbles. The wind was kinda strong. So when she blew the bubbles, they flew behind her into a little boy's face XD hahaha... He scrunched up his face and tried to swat the bubbles away haha.

The ceremony ended around 12. It wasn't that amazing. Not very personal. Just large groups of people on the field, classified by college and major. Each group standing up and sitting down, with clapping and cheering mixed in. Anyway, lots of pictures to be taken after the ceremony with flags and family.

Then back to campus for another graduation ceremony for Behavioral Science/Anthropology. Had food snacks and cake. I forgot Shiva's mom's camera in the car. Or rather I had forgotten that I did not have the camera with me when I got out of the car because someone else had been holding it. Anyway, used Shiva's Nintendo DS to take pictures. I sat on the steps instead of a seat because there were no more seats in the room. Sat next to the second row of graduates >_> Took pictures of the faculty in the front and of Shiva while she gave a short thank-you speech, which all of the graduates did.

Oh, Harrison made it to this one. He meant to attend the main graduation but was late. He walked all the way there, but the main one had ended. So he came back to campus to attend the second, smaller ceremony :)

After that, we all went back to Shiva's to rest. Rested a bit. Shiva's parents left. Marian left to be with her mother. Harrison and I helped Shiva pack up a little. Then she went to eat dinner with her parents. Harrison and I went to Subway. I went home, and Harrison went to Fanime.

I'm skipping lots of details because I can't recall many of them and today wasn't completely pleasant. There was a lot of anger and stuff today. A day that was supposed to be one of the best days ever turned out to not be one of those days ): But hopefully, the next two or three days will make up for it.

Oh, Harrison, Shiva, and I made a sandwich piggyback ride XP That was kinda scary. I was slipping off... to my DOOOOOM O_O !! Ohh, I'm also borrowing Shiva's copy of the book Howl's Moving Castle :D I remember watching the movie at Le's house because she loved it :P


Anyway, I'm tired -_- But tomorrow I shall help Shiva pack up more, Michelle W will hopefully take Shiva's grad pictures, Shiva and I will go to Japantown for some shaved ice, and we'll watch a movie at night. Then Monday morning, we'll go to IHOP :) Tuesday, Shiva will be leaving, or at least that's what I hope <_< And then I have to report for jury duty downtown... I dunno if I'm looking forward to that or not.

I still need to find a job...

Shiva's Graduation Ceremonies (May 26)

Yesterday, Shiva had two mini graduation ceremonies in the Student Union: Sociology Graduation and Rainbow Graduation.

I took pictures and videos with her camera; I am such a bad cameraperson haha--shaky hands and whatnot.

At the Sociology ceremony, Shiva and I could see each other from where we both sat. She sat in the second-to-last row of graduates. I sat in the first row behind the graduates with a mother to my left and two white guys to my right. I wish I had more guts or something, so that I could tell those guys to be respectful, shut up, or leave.

When one of the student speakers went up to give his speech, the two guys snickered and laughed because "he sounds so gay." Later on, when the graduate walked the stage, the two guys looked at each other and laughed again, saying "It's the gay guy." I don't fucking get them. I don't even know why they were there. They didn't clap for anyone. Instead, they seemed to have spent most of the ceremony texting, listening to their iPods, talking to each other, and laughing at a few of the graduates who walked the stage. Grr.

But otherwise, the graduation was fun. I got to clap for Shiva and a few other friends (I think I will know many more graduates at next year's ceremony).

So when the graduates walked across the stage, Prof Boero read their names and other info that they had written on a little card, like their double major, minor, honors, and such. I had seen what Shiva wrote on her card before I went to get my seat. Future plans: "Law school, gazillionaire, community action." Sounds good. But when Shiva went across the stage and I was recording what Boero was saying, I realized that Shiva had added some stuff to her card. She thanked her family and me specifically o_o I didn't know how to react >_> <_< >_>

The reception afterward had some food. Cake, brownies, egg rolls, samosas, fruit, water, and lemonade. Took pictures of Shiva with her professors and fellow students.

Went back to Shiva's room to upload photos from her camera, so that there would be memory for the next ceremony, Rainbow Grad.

Got to Rainbow Graduation on time. Met up with Harrison, Marian, and Brian (late!). Talked to people and noticed that Shiva was the only one in her graduation gown XD Luis and Shiva gave speeches :) I liked them.

Graduates were then called up one by one--there were only nine graduates, but only eight attended, I think--and allowed two-minute speeches. Shiva thanked me again <_< but this time, she got to explain why haha :3

There was also cake at this celebration. There were lots of photos being taken throughout the ceremony. Oh, Luis and Shiva shared the knife to cut the cake, but somehow did not cut the cake. Instead, the knife plopped through it :P Such tasty cake. There were also samosas and fruit here, as well as spanakopita, quiches, and punch.

It was nice seeing Jeff and Tri again :) Hadn't seen either of them since my first semester or year in QTIP and Q&A. Got to say some goodbyes to people whom I might not see again, at least for a while.

After Rainbow grad, Shiva and I stood outside the door to the English graduation ceremony. We were attempting to get Shiva's friend's attention, which we eventually managed to do :)

Then it was back to Shiva's room to start making enchiladas. Bulk enchiladas, yay! Marian came to help. Harrison helped too. We kept making them while guests were there. I think we stopped after the third batch. Happy to know people liked the food.

A few of the guests also accidentally ate food that was not for the party. They felt bad, but it was ok. They didn't finish off the food haha. Well, except for the samoa cookies, which had been placed out of the way. Someone found them and ate her last cookie ):

Other people who showed up were Michelle W, Steven P, Jen (Steven's friend), Christina(?), Karishma, Crystal, Danny V, Melissa(?), Cathy, Rahul, Ton, Evelyn H, Phil and Killol (both late). Adan and his friend came in for like five seconds and then left. Tim W and his roommate Tim also came for a while :P Michelle brought John--he talked about smoking weed quite a bit O_o

The night was going pretty well. Then a moment of tension arose. One guest trying to spread a rumor/story about another guest who had left. Shiva stepped up and told the guest not to disrespect other people, even if he didn't like them or didn't think they were good people. Treating someone the same way they treat you doesn't make you any better than them. This incident just kinda dampened the party atmosphere a little. A few people left, including the particular guest. Then the atmosphere got cheerful again. Phil kept taking pictures of people XD

I started falling asleep. How sad. I think Phil made fun of me, but I don't remember -_- Something about my neck.

Anyway, the party was fun. Though, Shiva feels like she should have held it on Saturday because a couple of the people who had wanted the party on Thursday didn't show up :/ But I think the party was pretty good anyway...


Ahaha, on Wednesday, Shiva went home with me on the light rail at night. Sad she wasn't feeling well. I told her she should have stayed home -_- But anyway, when I had gotten home and she was taking the light rail back to campus, she called to tell me about something that happened just a bit before she called XD A guy on the light rail had been staring at her the whole time. Then he walked toward her and tossed/dropped a piece of paper near her and left without saying a word. Shiva opened the paper. It said something like "Hi, I think you're cute... :) Uh... Idk, text me ###-###-####." Shiva wanted to burst out laughing apparently. When she told me the story, I laughed XP I also wish I could have been there to watch this happen. Seems the guy looked like he was in high school and was really shy/nervous or something like that haha. Awww XD


Ok, that's all I'm gonna say now. Shiva wants me to go to bed because she has two more graduation ceremonies tomorrow. One at 9h30 and the other at 13h00. I have to wake up early to get to campus, so that I can get a ride from her parents. Though, it seems at least one of her parents may not be too fond of me <_<;
[Shiva had dinner with her parents and sensei tonight. At one point in the conversation, Shiva mentioned how she thanked me during the sociology ceremony. The reaction wasn't completely pleasant(?).]

Crazy End of Spring 2011

The past couple of weeks have been crazy. Except I can't remember that many details. As usual. I'll try to remember as much as I can...

Throughout May: SPSS Research Report for Quantitative Research Methods. Interview project for Qualitative Research Methods. Ten-page paper for Social Change. Team paper for Computer, Ethics, and Society (not done yet; but my team will hopefully turn it in tonight). I had finals last Monday, Thursday, and Friday. Online final for Philosophy, which I completed on Sunday. Brother got a job in Santana Row, yay! I've been applying to jobs online. I suppose I should eventually go directly to stores and apply. Meh.

May 10: School shooting. It actually happened in the Tenth Street Garage. Found out two days later kinda what happened and who was involved. 25-year-old Filipino female and 26-year-old Caucasian male found shot to death in a car on the fifth floor. They were both graduating seniors, majoring in accounting. 54-year-old Filipino male found bleeding from self-inflicted gunshot wound elsewhere in the garage. He was married to the female in the car. He was also the gunman. No other details have really been revealed except for their names and relationships.

May 12: The second Zombie Apocalypse. Four Marine ROTC guys started the game as the original zombies. The game wasn't as exciting as the first one because not that many people participated. Getting ready for finals, you know. Supposedly, more people survived this time.
Shiva and I survived till about 13h20. We were walking along the side of the Event Center with Cathy and Rahul (a zombie, but he promised not to tag us). Then we noticed four zombies walking toward us, still somewhat far away. Panic set in. Shiva and I turned to run away. Sadly, the zombies saw us and started chasing us. Shiva tried to run toward the Health Center, but the door she tried to open was locked. So she was tagged. I ran further, but the wind blew my hat off. So I ran back for it. Tried to get into the Art Building, but a zombie got me ;-; Did not get to chase any humans. All the humans I saw were either too far away or were already about to get tagged by a horde of zombies or something. Sadness.

May 19: Free test materials. I got a small stack of large blue books and scantrons XD I got them with the intention of handing out extras to my classmates who forgot theirs. But I realize I can have my own personal stack without paying for them. Wish I had gotten more when I could though haha.

May 20: My SOCI 116 (Global Society) final. Before that though, I was talking to my friend Evan L for a while, as we stared at and watched incoming freshmen/transfer students go through their Freshmen Orientation. Good talk about being different, being yourself, and having an open mind. After talking to him, I went to Shiva's classroom, where she had finished taking her Sexualities final. Two other students were still there. Prof Rokni (also my Social Change prof) was arguing with one of the other students. He was a 6'4", black male student--he described himself. He accused Rokni of looking through his backpack when he left the room (earlier in the semester) and being prejudiced against him, implying that she was racist. For the final, she had moved him from the back of the room to the front, which is what she often does to her students.
Very heated argument with him accusing her of being "one of those people" who make his education difficult and her repeating "I don't even know who you are. I don't know your name. How can I be prejudiced against you?" I think her point was that she couldn't screw with his grade even if she tried because she didn't recognize him nor did she know his name. And he said he had gotten an A on his midterm, which is proof that she wasn't out to get him or screw with his goal of education. I dunno where this argument was going, but it's the first time any of my profs/teachers have ever been accused of being racist. First time I've ever really seen anyone pull the race card at SJSU for sure.

May 21: The fated Rapture did not happen. I even checked the news to see if New Zealand had been struck by a crazy big earthquake. It had not. I'm so disappointed <_< We're all still alive, yay. But wait, the preacher who predicted the Rapture has maintained that October 21 will definitely be the end of days o_o ...

May 23: ST Graduation. I didn't see it. But I stopped by in the alleyway next to the Event Center to look for Brian P and Kristen P. Ahh, I can't believe they graduated XD Oh, I still see them as freshmen haha. Brian told me their graduating class was small (only 40% of the original class or something). I congratulated them and gave hugs. Promised Kristen we would hang out this summer and catch up. Brian's gonna be going to UC Merced, and Kristen's going to UC Davis. It's crazy, but I gotta start thinking of them as adults now haha XD It was good seeing them though. It's been a looong time.
Oh, I saw Madame as I was walking toward the graduates, but she disappeared into the sea of blue. I didn't really feel like wading through the crowd to find her. I'll make sure to visit her in the next school year.

May 24: Andrew Hill Graduation. Tried to find and even call Nancy T. But apparently, she hadn't arrived yet. Promised to get caught up with her this summer as well.

So I've slept over at Shiva's a couple of times this past week or so (like four times or something). Shiva had a couple of all-nighters. I feel bad. I should have been better at encouraging her to get her work done sooner -_- I have failed you, Shiva.

Oh, she had a Kendo tournament on Sunday at Leigh HS. And a memorhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifial afterward for Hazard Sensei, who pretty much led the way for Kendo here in California and stuff. I met him once, but I didn't actually talk to him. But he sounded like a good person and maybe somewhat silly at times haha. May he rest in peace.

So I just got a Facebook invite, but it's not to an event. It seems that an SJSU student has gone missing since yesterday.
Missing: Marlon Hoang

Seems like quite a bit of bad/sad things keep happening around here.

Brother has had some troubles lately. I'm not sharing many details about this because I'm still confused as to what happened. He recently got a new girlfriend. It's only been a few weeks. Thought she was good for him, but she really wasn't. Lies, arguments, violence, police, etc etc. At least that's what I've heard from Mother. Who knows what else will unfold? I just hope Brother did not put himself or our family in more danger.

In somewhat happier news, Shiva is graduating and leaving me behind. She'll be having four different graduation ceremonies XD Two on Thursday and two on Saturday. I'll be going to all four hopefully haha. And we're gonna celebrate her graduation sometime this weekend as well :) I say "somewhat happier" because Shiva doesn't want to graduate XP She doesn't want to leave San Jose/SJSU. Really, she just doesn't want to leave me >_> hahaha jkjk :P But really, she's leaving next Tuesday. It makes me really sad.. I hope she gets a job around here, so that she'll come back to SJ :3


I know there's a lot of things from this past month that I don't recall right now. I don't really know what else to say. Uhh, I'm happy school is finally over--last day of classes was last Tuesday--, and I don't have to really stress over any assignments for the next few months. Grades will come out in like a week or two, I think. I'm also just trying to keep my cool; I think I'm doing a pretty darn good job at it. I hope I can get a job for this summer. I need work experience and an excuse to not be home.

I also want to hang out with people this summer. So far as I know, I may be going to SoCal again this summer to visit Shiva. I've only told two or three people I'd hang out with them this summer,and I look forward to hanging out with them, especially the ones I haven't seen in a while. Some people that I want to hang out with will not be back in SJ all or most of the summer sadly.


I dunno if I'll be updating my blog more this summer. I might have more free time if I don't get a job. But I'll also not be going out too often if Shiva's not here, I think XD
I'm gonna be sorting through all my stuff in the next week or so. Must get rid of junk. Must organize room. Must clean. Also: Must read. Must rest. Must register for classes.
I already have a tentative class schedule for the Fall, yay. Been eliminating class choices the past three or so weeks. Narrowed down to six. I plan to take five, since I feel like I won't have much to do next semester. Yay for senior status; my registration appointment is June 8 at 7h00, which is exactly twenty-four hours after Advanced Registration opens :) And I dunno if it's an error, but it seems I can sign up for eighteen units during Advanced Registration. No fourteen-unit cap? We'll see what happens when I register.


My tentative Fall 2011 classes:

Monday/Wednesday
1030-1145 JS 136 Family and Community Violence -- Lowell
1200-1315 PHIL 155 Philosophy of Law -- Manning
1330-1445 PHIL 132 Ethical Theory -- Vaidya

Tuesday/Thursday
0900-1015 SOCI 181B Sociology Career Capstone -- Ng
1200-1315 PHYS 123 Physics of Animation -- [Staff]
1330-1445 SOCI 156 Gangs & Mobs -- Dexheimer

The two Philosophy and the two Sociology classes are the four classes I know I want or need to take. My fifth class, if I decide to take a fifth, will probably be PHYS 123.
If I get this schedule, then I'll only have three classes left that I need to take next Spring: two sociology classes and an Area S class. It would leave an extra elective that I can take for fun during my last semester.
I hope this works out.


Anyway, yeah, that's what's on my mind. Other than the want for sleep and a few other things :P