First two days at KSC.

I started my job in Sunnyvale yesterday. I decided to take 101 just to see what traffic would be like. Man, it was slow. Fifty minutes to go fourteen miles. It took forty to get home.

I managed to get to work a half hour early though. Met some coworkers. Everyone looked somewhat incredulous when I said I was hired as an assembler. They don't think I could lift anything. i demonstrated. I also explained that I've assembled furniture before, and I've carried heavy equipment and whatnot.

I ended up being trained in filling sales orders, maintaining inventory, and handling RMAs (Return Merchandise Authorizations) by Johnny, whose last day was today. I'm essentially taking over his job, even though I was hired mainly for assembly. Supposedly, I'll help out with assembly soon. As for the sales orders and inventory, I think I've got the hang of them. (This could help me when I start looking for inventory-focused jobs, which is what I had mainly been looking for before anyway.) The RMAs, however, confused the hell out of me. There are two kinds of RMAs, but there are three different procedures depending on which type and from whom I received the request. My brain got a little jumbled about all that.

They gave me a notebook so that I could write things down to remember. So I've been taking notes, but I still don't think I'm quite all there yet. Only experience and hopefully not too many mistakes to help me learn and be where I need to be.

Training was not thorough. Johnny admitted it. Plus, only two days of training. Not enough. I need at least a few days where I do things and get direct feedback so I can learn, adapt, and improve. But I guess I'll just have to wing it and ask everyone a lot of questions >.< And hope that I get everything right and on time.

Anyway, today wasn't too bad. I filled sales orders, logged inventory, labeled computer memory with stickers, and counted inventory. Took me three hours to count inventory. It doesn't even look like they have much either, but it took the longest time.

I think the closest thing I've done to assembling has been taking CPUs, memory, and hard drives out of motherboards and kits. Oh yeah, I'm slowly remembering the terminology.

Today, I found out that the company comps free lunch delivery every Friday. And we're all to eat together as a big family. Cool. Save me some food money :P Or really save me from having to prepare lunch on Thursday nights haha. Anyway, lunch pretty much introduced me to everyone in the building. I think we've got closer to twenty than thirty people in the company. I think there were only sixteen people in the lunchroom. We introduced ourselves and played Two Truths and a Lie, except people didn't really understand the concept of it haha, but it was fun.

So my impression of KSC so far: nice atmosphere, nice people, cheap on the AC (Is there even AC in Production or Purchasing?), and a bit disorganized. Or maybe I'm just not used to their way of organizing things. Eventually, yeah?

I don't really know what else to say. Work is exhausting. Or mainly just very hot. I wish it started and ended earlier, but 9 to 6 gives me eight and a half hours of work every day. Overtime, woot woot!

Ok, time to pass out. When I wake up, I need to get some things done (cleaning, laundry, car battery change) and maybe go to SF Pride :D

Second official job!

I accepted the job offer from KSC. Tomorrow will be my last day at KPI, and I'll start my new job on Thursday.

So after 30 days, the medical and dental plans will kick in. That's good. I need healthcare...

Hours are 9 to 6. Nine hours. Two fifteen-minute breaks and one half-hour lunch. I'm still a bit confused about the two breaks. Do I get paid for those? If I do, does that mean I'll get overtime every day? I'll ask for clarification on Thursday when I come in to sign the forms and whatnot. I'm not too fond of the hours. I would prefer to start early, like I currently do, but I guess it's nice to not have to wake up at 5AM. Starting Thursday, I can wake up at 6 or 7AM :D I'll probably continue to sleep early, but it won't be such a pain if I occasionally stay up past 10.

So I think I'm probably going to keep like an extra pair of pants in my car for work. I was told that my job allows me to wear casual stuff, but if I end up delivering products to customers, I have to wear somewhat professional clothing. I'm a work jeans kind of person; so I guess I will have to keep an extra pair of pants in the car in case they don't let me know the day before that I'll be making a delivery.

This is exciting! I'm slightly anxious. Oh, change, why must you make me feel this way? But I'm still excited for change. Hopefully to a job that I'll really enjoy. C'mon! I get to help build computers! I get to build things :D Hope I learn quickly enough haha.

Wow, I've been working at KPI for fourteen and a half weeks. More than three months. I didn't know how long I was gonna stay there, but it's been good. I really like my coworkers there. It's kinda like a big family. I'll be sad to not see them anymore. I don't even know how I will tell any of them tomorrow... It is last-minute and sudden. I can't not tell them; I don't want to leave them hanging and worrying about me.

Oh, I got a call today from a friend of a family friend. He asked me if I wanted him to forward my resume to a company that I thought he had just left. I don't know why he asked me. He supposedly sent it to the company twice already... -shrug- I told him to go ahead and do so. I could land a job in Milpitas that will pay me $15 an hour, but it's as an office assistant. I could do it. I don't know if I would enjoy it. However, it would be even closer to home than KSC and would definitely pay more. We'll see if that Milpitas company contacts me at all. Though, I would hate to leave KSC just like that...

I'll figure things out as opportunities arise. Hopefully, everything will work out well and for the best for everyone :)

Job offer from KSC

Earlier this month, I applied for the computer assembler/tester position at King Star Computer, Inc. via Craigslist. They contacted me on Friday, and we had a mini phone interview. We had the in-person interview today right after I got out of work. I somehow made it from Fremont to Sunnyvale in less than thirty minutes :D

I'm always so nervous during interviews, but today I was relatively calm on the inside haha. I managed to impress two people at KSC. About twenty minutes after I left the building, I got a call telling me that they would like to offer me the job. I have until Wednesday to accept the job offer.

Thirteen and a half miles away from home. Will save about $25 a month on gas; not much, but it's something. Will make $10.00 an hour. Up $1.50 from my current job. And this would be a permanent job. Small company; only about thirty employees. The job actually allows me to build something. Rackmount servers. Basically computers of varing sizes. I think the company's mainly full of Chinese employees. Hopefully, I won't be too awkward haha.

I forgot to ask about what the hours and benefits are. But I called and left a message about that info with my interviewer. Hopefully, I'll find out about that stuff tomorrow and maybe even give them my answer then.

This will probably be a 9 to 5 job, meaning I'll actually have to deal with serious traffic. But it's all good.

I will continue looking for other jobs. But I'm gonna see what I can learn and gain from KSC if I do ultimately take this job. I can't wait to learn how to build a computer :D and how to do a bunch of other stuff because being a small company means all employees contribute in every way necessary.

In other news, KPI, my current employer, is training me for more advanced jobs. I don't like it because the advanced jobs mainly involve thoroughly checking tiny little parts. I like working the machines more. And I've learned that I can't really use microscopes very well; My eyes won't focus properly. I can only see through one eye when I use the microscope -_- It's annoying. And slow. Oh well.

Oh, and darn my forgetfulness. My car battery died today. I had left my headlights on for two hours in front of the house. When I went to my car to go to dinner with Brother and Karina, I couldn't unlock my car. When I manually unlocked the door, my car alarm went off and wouldn't turn off. I thought my key fob had run out of battery, but then my car wouldn't start. So I figured out what happened. Brother brought D over with jumper cables, and they jumpstarted my car with Karina's car. That was all fun.

Afterward, Brother, Karina, and I went to eat at San Pedro Square. Turns out an acquaintance of mine from Q&A is co-owner of Phonomenal and silent partner of On A Roll. Got a discount on our pho :D Then got Treatbot. Marielle was working tonight. Hadn't seen her in at least two years probably. I saw her and thought I recognized her but wasn't sure. But it turned out to be her. And she gave me a free double scoop :)

Today ended well. I'm happy. I hope tomorrow will go just as well if not better.

Not too much else has been happening. I've been reading more lately. It's nice to get back into reading for fun :) Oh, it also rained today. Supposed to rain tomorrow too. Fun. Always strange to see rain during the summer. I think it's cool though. As long as it's not pouring. I don't want high humidity. No saunas for me XP

Anyway, way past my bedtime. Need sleep! Good night, folks!

I'm going to be an aunt!

Brother informed the family tonight that his girlfriend, Karina, is currently thirteen weeks pregnant. Imagine the surprise! Or rather the lack of. Family was much more supportive and encouraging than usual. It was interesting.

My initial reaction: Slight raise of the eyebrow. Slow curve of a smile. Tilt of the head. Body leaning to the side toward the wall. Cool. "Wow."

I always knew Brother would be a parent before I would. I mean, c'mon, he's got five years on me.

I'm excited. We're all excited. I'm going to be an aunt. Mother and D are going to be grandparents! :) Main thing is Brother is going to be a father!! I think he will be a great father. He is an idiot sometimes, and he's made his mistakes. But he's a good person, and he's learning. I just have this feeling that he'll be a wonderful dad. Doting and overprotective, but great. I told him as much. I also told him I love him. First time I've said that without it being  a response to him saying it to me first.

My first nephew/niece. I can't wait to meet him/her. Not due until the end of the year. Mother's going to babysit a lot. She's looking forward to it. I think it would do her some good to have a baby in her house. She won't be alone. And I'll get to watch her interact with a baby.

And I'll learn how to take care of a child. I want to learn. I'm still terrified of kids. Maybe this will ease my anxiety around kids.

Anyway, this news woke me up a little. I was exhausted and wanted to go home to sleep. Then this news came out, and I was just awake. It brightened the end of my week. (Work wasn't the best this week.)

Now, we play the waiting game with the baby. Who will win? o: I'll try to keep you posted.

Yay, I moved again.

I spent the late morning and early afternoon moving all my stuff from Shiva's apartment and Mother's house to my new room. At first, it didn't look like I had that many things. But after I stuffed everything into my car from Mother's house, I felt like I had too many things. Clutter! Too much clothes. Especially since Brother gave me some more of his old clothes that he no longer fits.

I'm going to spend all day tomorrow trying to rid myself of clutter. It's going to be difficult. But I will do it! I'm also going to Swiffer the hell out of my room. It's so dusty and dirty -_- Once I get through this room, it's going to be clean, and I will enforce the Asian shoe rule.

Anyway, all my things have settled in my room, meaning each thing basically has a place in my room for now. But I still want to free up some space. I'm probably gonna donate some clothes to Goodwill. My old dresser is so full D: Much fuller than I thought it would be. It makes me sad.

So I like my room. I realize, though, there are a lot of bees in the front of the house. I hope I don't get stung >:

Oh, I met one of my roommates, the homeowner's uncle, who lives in the room across the hallway. He sure is a character. Quite hard on his nephew. But he seems like a very fair, understanding, and witty person, otherwise. He was yelling at his nephew, Peter, for not offering to help get me a job at some companies that Peter has connections too. I felt bad because Peter had offered but wasn't sure he could actually help me, given that I have a degree in Sociology and not something tech-related. His uncle yelled at him to try anyway >.> While I'm grateful for all the help (Peter did drive all the way from SF to help transport my bed and chair in his truck), I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of anyone. This is only the third time that Peter and I have talked in person. But he and his uncle are very generous and thoughtful people, I guess...

Mm, the fridge has absolutely zero space for my future food and drink. The Chinese girl, who lives in the room that once was a garage, cooks a lot. Much of the stuff in the kitchen is hers, taking up most of the space. The rest is the uncle's. I found some corner in one of the cabinets to put my bowls, plate, cup, and utensils. Though, it appears there are enough of those things in the cabinets for a whole party of people. But it's me; I don't really want to share things with strangers all that much. Anyway, there is a mini fridge in the kitchen that I will be using for a short while until the girl rearranges her fridge and freezer stuff so there's a little space for me. I just want to store my juice, a few beers, a few water bottles, and some food stuff. Though, I'm cool with using the mini fridge, but the owner doesn't want to risk getting a high energy bill.

Uhh, I hope it takes me just a week to get used to living in this place. I also hope that I'll enjoy living here and my stay lasts for a long while. I don't want to move again. At least not until I have way fewer things to move with me haha.

Oh yeah, I don't have a computer desk yet. Should be delivered within the next few days. Then I can bring my desktop with me :D I miss my desktop so much. But that means I have to go purchase a wireless adapter for my computer since it's nine years old. No wireless connection built in >: Until then, my netbook will still get some love from me.

Ooh, I renewed my library card yesterday. Borrowed a few books (two novels by Dean Koontz and A Child Called "It"). Can't wait to read them. It's been a long time since I've been to and borrowed anything from the library. Shiva borrowed a few children's books and a Dean Koontz book too :P

Ahh, this past week has been pretty relaxing. But also stressful at times for various reasons. But now the week is almost over. I have one more day for rest and everything else I need to do. Then Monday, it's back to work and making a living.

I'm so tired, and my head feels like it's all over the place. I should go home and rest. Maybe take a shower. I feel disgusting. Sweat, dust, and dirt. But if I go home, I'm going to want to clean and reorganize... Why can't I just leave it be for now? Rawr. Darn my compulsions -___- Must distract myself with a book! Don't think about clutter...

Moving again.

It's been almost two months since my last update. Whyy??

I've been working, eating, or sleeping. Occasionally hanging out with friends, but really that's just because Shiva hangs out with people. I hardly try to hang out with anyone.

Anyway, I'm moving again. Into my own room this time. I found this place on Craigslist. Near McLaughlin and Tully. Quiet place where all the roommates stick to themselves. Relatively clean. Decently priced. A little closer to Mother, but that's ok. She wants to come over a few times a week; I'm not sure how I feel about that. I like my space.

I'm hoping that I will enjoy living at this house. I want my stay to be somewhat long-lasting.

I feel like when I move out, I'll become more reclusive than ever. Like I said, I hang out with people because Shiva hangs out with people. When I leave, and when she goes off to law school, I will probably spend more of my time alone. It doesn't make me sad or anything like that. I actually kinda look forward to it. I kinda want to be alone for a while...

It's going to be nice to have my own space and privacy again. And I basically have my own bathroom too, so that's cool. I get my bed back. And my dresser. And my desktop. And a new computer desk. I have to buy a wireless adapter for the desktop though because I don't want a new desktop but wireless Internet connection would be nice.

Hopefully, everything works out well and for the best...

So work has been good. Sometimes slow, sometimes stressful. Depends on the day and the work I have to do. I'm getting more and more comfortable with some of my coworkers. Granted, none of them are around my age, but that's all right. I should learn how to interact with older folks anyway.

No work this week because the company's remodeling the floors and repainting the walls. Sucks to be a temp because I get no paid time off. So while it's nice to get a week off, I'm not making any money to add to my savings.

And my savings is kinda low. I've been helping my family pay some bills and debts. Pretty much half the money I've made the past two months. I was hoping to just continue saving, but my family needs some financial help. And the least I could do is add in my support. Besides, they've been helping me since I moved out. Still paying for my gas, making me dinner from time to time, and giving me some minor necessities that I'm sometimes too lazy to get myself.

So I'm going to spend this week prepping for the move. I need to collect a few things that I won't have when I move. Can't use roommates' things anymore. I think I'm doing pretty well in getting ready. I still want to reorganize my stuff for the move. A little anxious about the move, which means I want to organize to calm down a little. But I don't really have too much to organize. I did a pretty good job the first hundred times :P

Exciting times. Exciting year. More changes. People leaving, learning, growing. Who would have ever thought I would be where I am now? I know some people expected me to be far, far better off than I currently am. And I know I didn't expect myself to go anywhere for a while. But I got somewhere. It might not be much to others, but I'm pretty damn happy with myself. I'm satisfied so far. I couldn't really ask for much better.

Anyway, life is all right. Some things are a little tough, but I'm happy. Just thought I'd let you know.

Not bald.

I have a shaved head :D Shiva buzzed my hair with her electric razor on Saturday. We used #3 because that was the longest one she had.

It feels so nice. No need to use a lot of shampoo and conditioner for a while haha. When Brother saw it on Sunday, he didn't look happy. But whatever. I did it. He can't change it back.

I'll probably try to only see Mother once a week. And I'll wear a beanie to cover my head so that she won't know. I know she'll freak out if she sees it.

I'm debating about whether I'll get my hair buzzed again before summer. It's so nice and strange to feel the air on my scalp. I couldn't stop touching my hair all weekend haha. It's such a new feeling. I like it.

Shiva says my head looks so small now that my hair is pretty much gone. And I've pretty much received positive reactions from friends who have seen me so far.

If I buzz my hair again, that means I would have to continue to wear a beanie whenever I see Mother. During the summer. Wouldn't it be suspicious? Probably.

Maybe I'll just get started on growing my hair out to donate it in two-ish years. Again :)

Anyway, a family friend connected me to a potential job. An office/administrative assistant or something like that for Quanta QCT in Milpitas. I could do it. It would be a bit closer to home. I probably wouldn't have to wake up so early. That would be nice. Plus, it would be a permanent job, not temp.

I'm emailing the the family friend's friend who is offering the job. He has asked for my salary request, but I have no idea how much money I'd like to earn. I'm happy with $8.50 an hour, but I have a feeling that my family would be upset about that and the guy also said that I was overqualified for the job based on my resume. Except I don't see that because I barely have any work experience.

I looked up similar jobs online, and people tend to make about thirty-something thousand dollars a year in a job like this. But I don't want to ask for so much money... I don't need it...

I think I'll wait for Shiva to come home to help me choose a number haha. If I respond now, I would probably ask for $10 an hour, and that would be less than $20,000 a year. And much less than the average entry level assistant, it seems.

I don't know what I'm supposed to ask for.

Oh, and I don't know how this other company would react to me having shaved my head. My current workplace allows me to wear a hat, so I kept my beanie on all day. Even though, it gets really hot in there. Potential job is in an office environment... I don't know if they'll look down on me or rescind the job offer. I hope not.

First real paycheck

I picked up my paycheck from Aerotek today. I actually make $8.50 an hour, not $8.00 and not $8.25. What a pleasant surprise.

So I take home more than the $200 I originally thought I would get in a week :) Yay! That means I can pay rent! Hehe.

After I picked up my check, I went to Target at Oakridge. It's so strange that I'm doing shopping for myself. I didn't buy too many things, but I ended up spending more than $40 T-T Oh well, these were mainly necessities.

I'm at Mother's right now. For lunch. Then I gotta go make a deposit. Then go to another Target near home to find something that was not at Oakridge. Then I can go chill at home. Yay.

Just give me a few more weeks, and I will get used to this whole being-an-adult business haha :)

I cried at work today.

Today was full of good stuff for me. I've only been working for a week, and now I've already cried because of work.

My trainer, Angelica, had asked me how I was doing, and I said that I was tired like I have been all week. She looked at me for a while and then said that I don't eat enough. I said I eat enough. I just don't have any of my own food at home to bring with me to eat yet; I need to wait for my paycheck to come in so that I have money that I'm not saving and can spend. Angelica and a few coworkers asked me if I wanted our other coworkers to chip in to buy or bring me food every day, and I said no. That's just too nice for people to do for a stranger like me, who's probably not staying at this job for too long. Then my coworker Jaswinder asked me if I was eating dinner, and I said, "Yeah, my friend cooks for me." Haha. It's kinda true. I don't think she believed me though because she looked at me like it was a weird thing to say.

At break time, Angelica and some other coworkers bought tamales from a taco truck. Angelica saved two for me. I appreciated it. I saved one for home.

At the end of the work day, I noticed that Angelica had a whole bunch of cash on our table, but I didn't think anything of it. A few minutes later after cleanup, she pulled me aside and told me that she knows I don't want any help but everybody there is very nice and really cares about each other. Then she started counting and putting the money into my hand. She also gave me a list of people's name. There was a total of nineteen coworkers who chipped in. $240 in cash. I was awestruck. Angelica had asked coworkers, some I don't even know, during her lunch break to help me out. I had a late lunch, so it was easy for her to surprise me.

So after she gave me the money and explained that everyone there cares and would like me to be ok, I just started crying. I didn't know what to say or do. I just thanked her. It felt like everything around became muted. (And it's a factory, so it's very loud in there.) She told me that even though I've only worked there for a week, she can tell that I'm a good person and a hard worker. I just cried harder.

Man, after an exhausting week, this was the perfect end to it. I came to Knightsbridge Plastics, Inc., thinking it was just a temp job and I probably wouldn't get to know people all that well. But in a week, I've talked to a handful of people who are pretty awesome. And now some of those people and others I haven't met have given me something. I don't know how to repay them. I just feel so grateful to be surrounded by such thoughtful, awesome, lovely people. Today made me realize it wouldn't be so bad to continue working here.

However, that leads me to the next good thing that happened today. The hiring manager from Randstad called me and told me that there's a possible job opening for me. I told her I could start a week from Monday, April 1; I'd like to be able to give a few days' notice to my current employer. Details haven't been finalized yet, but the chance is there. Tomoyo, the manager, just wanted to give me a head's up, in case I was still looking for work. Even though the kindness that I was given today made me feel better about working at KPI, I would still like a job that helps me save more by being closer to home or paying more. Anyway, Tomoyo said that she would call me back on Monday to let me know for sure and to let me have a few days to decide if I would like to take the job.

I don't know what I will do about the job. I'll probably take the Randstad job if it's officially offered. We'll see what happens. I might just feel kinda sad to leave all these nice friends I've started making. We don't really have any reason to talk outside of work. But who knows what will happen until I leave? Maybe I'll get some emails or numbers, and we'll all hang out. Haha probably not. Most of my coworkers are busy with work and families... But these are the kinda people I would like to be friends with. We need more people like them. I'm lucky to have met some of them.

Anyway, the rest of my day was eventful, I suppose. I went to Chase today to open a bank account. I was in such a good mood that I actually chatted with the banker who was helping me. Talking to people seemed a little easier and more fun today.

And I just realized I forgot the apartment number in my address when I was opening the bank account. Ahh, so stupid -_- It's been a while since I've had to add an apartment number to my address.

Hmm, I also visited Dexter today. Played with him for a bit. Fed him a little bit, even though I wasn't supposed to :P I smelled like wet dog when I left him. Also felt really bad that he was alone. He started whining when I was leaving /: I realize I don't know if I could handle having a dog. A cat, maybe. Dogs need a little too much attention. I'd like a pet who knows when I need to be alone and can be ok home alone.

Oh, another stupid thing I did. I almost caused a car accident on the way home from Dexter. I didn't realize the lane I was in was merging with the lane on my right. When I realized I was about to hit the car next to me, I swerved and nearly hit the car in the lane on my left -_-; I didn't see either car. I was paying attention too... I think me driving on five hours or less of sleep is hazardous. Tonight, I pass out and get at least eight hours. Hopefully.

I'm actually pretty sleepy right now. Also hungry. Waiting for Shiva and Mai to come back from food shopping to make dinner <.< I need to eventually not depend on other people for my meals.

Ooh, can't wait for the hard ciders. And beers another night. Ooh, maybe I can buy a pack... Or not. There's not much space in the fridge. And I should spend money on things I need, not want >: Maybe when I have more spending money. An occasional six-pack wouldn't be harmful or wasteful...

Ah, let the weekend begin.

I am officially an adult.

I moved out from Mother's home on Tuesday night. It was an emotional parting. She cried because she's worried about me and she knows she will be alone--she also sees me as being alone in the world. I cried because I know she will be alone. I'm not worried about me. I know things will get better. I just wish I could know for sure Mother will be happy and safe.

So I'm crashing on the futon couch in the living room of the apartment that Shiva and Killol live in. I've pretty much rearranged my possessions a whole bunch of times already. It helps to still my nervous mind. Their apartment is messy and cluttered. I usually don't care about other people's mess enough to do anything. But the clutter is driving me mad. Because I don't know what else to think about. When I think about something else, my mind usually returns to Mother.

I think I might end up reorganizing parts of the apartment in my free time. When I have the energy.

I don't have energy. It's been an exhausting week. Not enough sleep. Too many hours standing and/or hunching over small plastic parts, examining them closely yet quickly. Mind-numbing work for most people. I actually do enjoy it. I just don't like the strain on my back and shoulders. Overall a fun experience. I think I get nervous though because these parts all go into medical devices. So people's lives are affected by the work we do. No flaws, no defects. I don't like knowing that my mistakes could hurt someone else. These might be small parts, but even small things can create great consequences.

Anyway, I can drink alcohol again tomorrow. I can relax this weekend. Much needed after this week. Tomorrow, I gotta go to work, pump some gas into my car, pick up my paycheck, open a bank account, mail my rental agreement back to the landlady, visit Dexter and let him out for a bit, and then finally down a beer or two. I am so looking forward to that beer. Or well, probably just hard ciders; close enough.

I'm so damn tired. I don't know why I'm not asleep yet. I gotta get up at 5:15am. I feel like after I get the rest I need this weekend and finish all the paperwork I need to finish, I will transition more smoothly into my new weekly routine. I hope so. I think I could love this job if I wasn't so tired and stressed. But I would also love a job that's closer to where I live and pays a little more. Just so I can save gas and money. A higher pay would allow me to save more money sooner. That would be nice. I could help my family pay stuff off sooner.

Ahh... Oh, Mother's birthday is Sunday. I think I'll come home to spend some time with her and D.

Sleep calls to me. It's been calling to me every day this week. Hopefully, I'll give in to it more easily next week when I don't have to stay up to figure so many things out.

But I still feel like I'm enjoying life, even if I'm a little sad right now. Life is being good to me, curve balls and hurdles notwithstanding.

Anyway, good night, friends.

Real adulthood is overwhelming me...

Before I even get to jump into it.

I couldn't sleep last night. My brain just kept thinking, even though my body was so tired.

The past two days, I've really only been thinking about how my future is going to affect me. Last night, I couldn't stop thinking about how my decisions are going to affect Mother.

I'm overwhelmed by the potential of my future. Even from the small things. The small plans. Overwhelmed but so excited. I'm happy.

But I worry about Mother. I have so many worries about her. I know I've wanted to be independent of her for a long time because she's overprotective and controlling. But I know she just wants everything to work out perfectly for me. But that's not the point. The point is I'm leaving Mother's home. She'll be alone after I move out. Will she become lonely? Will moving out have negative repercussions on her mental or emotional state? Will she be ok?

I was a mess last night. I haven't cried so hard since... well, a short while ago. I haven't talked to her about this yet. I think I want to. But I don't know how that conversation will go. What if she doesn't even think about it? Until I mention it.

I know my life could get really tough. And it scares me a little. But I know I could handle it. But thinking about Mother and how all this could affect her... scares the shit out of me. Terrifies me to no end.

I want everything to go smoothly for Mother's sake. If problems arise for me alone, that's fine. I'll figure it out, and I have friends who can help me. But if anything happens to Mother, I don't know what I would do.

Ahhh, my brain... So much clouding my brain.

I'm going to become a real adult!

So I think I'm actually going through with the Fremont job. How exciting. First step into the world. Sad that I'm saying it at age 22, but happy that I'm finally saying it.

Need to think through everything I have to do soon to officially be independent legally. Have to sign a rental agreement, change my address at the DMV, change my address at the post office, and get copies of the agreement and DMV changes. Fill out and submit forms and proof about the change in household composition to Housing Authority for Mother. Notify SSA of the household change as well.

Not too many things to do, but it still feels overwhelming because this is an all-or-nothing kinda deal. Once I'm legally independent, I can no longer depend on Mother to financially support me. If I crash and burn, my family won't be able to help me because our financial situation will drastically change once I'm out of the house. They've made that very clear. And I knew it too. I never plan to come begging for their help as soon as something gets too hard. I don't want to do that. I think I actually have enough pride to want to avoid that haha.

I could make this work. Mother's pessimism has gotten me to question my ability to survive. But I'm fairly confident I can make things work. Still looking for a job in San Jose so that my minimum pay will be $10 an hour and my workplace will be closer. I don't know how that will work out; it might just be a repeat of the past year of my job search. But it's ok. At least I'll have some kinda job for now.

Worst case scenario at this assembly job, according to http://www.suburbancomputer.com/tips_calculator.php, I can still take home about $200 a week after taxes. Assuming that this calculator is actually accurate, I can manage. My original estimates of what I need were based on San Jose's previous minimum wage anyway. As long as the costs of rent and everything don't skyrocket over the next year, I should be able to live comfortably with savings slowly adding up. I can do this!

Oh, I gotta remember to open a bank account when I move out too. Switch to direct deposit. Oh, and Coinstar. I seriously hope that will add at least another $200 to my savings...

I'm already making plans for the future :) I'm so excited. Not necessarily plans related to finance or housing, but just life in general. All the fun stuff. I never do that. It's still so strange for me to look forward to the future. Even a little bit.

Oh, and I think my cleaning-out/organizing/reorganizing frenzy is gonna infect Mother. She wants to clean out our garage of junk, since I'm leaving. Also, some junk collecting thing is happening at the elementary school near us. I've been trying to get her to start clearing junk out. Finally! Now we'll see how easy it is for her to let go of stuff that we haven't seen in years.


Aaaanyway, childhood photos! I've totally forgotten the rest of what I was going to say for this entry. Oh well. Baby photos!