That's so gay.

I honestly don't care if people say "That's so gay." I hardly notice.

But that's not what this is about. I'm not sure what this entry is about.

It's just I was talking to my mom and B about hella stuff. Somehow, we ended up talking about this guy who doesn't work. His wife's sister is one of my brother's bosses. That conversation isn't important, but what my mom said about the sisters was. To me, anyway.

Mom (in Viet): "What terrible luck for the two sisters. They're both so beautiful. The older one has a Communist husband who doesn't work and doesn't love her. The other one is gay. How terrible." I don't know if that should bother me anymore, but it did.

We don't talk about anything gay-related. Unless it's about gay hairstylists. When it comes to lesbians, there's nothing to say. Except my brother mentions his bosses (both lesbians). I don't know. My mom doesn't look at me when she talks about his bosses. She just looks away. I don't know if it's me or if she's just doing it.

I came out to her toward the beginning of senior year, but we haven't talked about it since. I don't know what she's thinking. I wish I knew what she was thinking. But she won't say anything. Neither will I. I guess I like the safety, but the not knowing is difficult. I wish we'd talk, but I don't think we have that kind of mother-daughter relationship.

I don't really talk about it with anyone :/ Yeah, sure, I talk to my friends about liking girls or whatever. But I don't talk to anyone about the family stuff. I'm not sure I know anyone who can relate. You know, to the silence, the avoidance of the topic. But even if I did have someone to talk to, what the hell am I supposed to say? I wish my mom would be more accepting? She is accepting. She just doesn't say anything. I guess I want to hear my mom say something supportive, but whatever. I don't need it. Not now.

I just don't like the awkwardness of when she starts talking about my brother's bosses and somehow their sexuality always comes into the conversation. Egh.

I just gotta let it go.