Major?

So last night, I forgot to update about something haha. Surprise, surprise.

Yesterday, in English, everyone got their first out-of-class essays back. I didn't. Mine wasn't done in time. Dang, why does that always happen to me?

Anyway, so I came by Prof Williams' office a lil later to pick it up. And since I was the only one whose paper she didn't finish grading, she gave a lil one-on-one about my essay. When I was about to leave, she asked me what I was majoring in, and I said Undeclared. Then she suggested that I major in English. I just smiled and shook my head. I have never considered English to be a possible major for me. I don't really like English haha.

I have a knack for writing? No waayyy. I don't like to write. At least not formally. Academically. Most of the time in school, I have to write about things that I don't care for. The rest of the time, even if it is something I do care about, I have to write better than I'm used to. I honestly don't care to improve my writing. I'm happy with the way it is.

Writing, I want to keep as recreational and free as possible. School and I just don't mix in my pot. School has drained the fun out of a lot of things for me. I don't want my written self-expression to lose its comfort. School made me hate math. Ok, well, I don't hate it, but I don't love it as much as I used to. Sometimes I don't think I even like it much at all anymore.

Anyway, when I walking to the light rail stop, I was thinking, "Me, an English major? No way. No. Never would have believed that. Noo." Then when I was home, I remembered I should be open-minded to the possibilities. Ahh.

Possibilities. But I've never considered English a possibility. I never liked English. I mean, I've been pretty good at everything related to the English language (except vocab) throughout my primary education years. And I even improved a lot on my vocabulary in the 6th grade and all. And my scores on the SAT9's or CAT6's, whatever they're called now, have been pretty high. Proficient or Advanced. I had been consistent with those. But they meant nothing to me.

Hmm, what would I do with an English major anyway? Or a minor? English seems like a social personality's major. I'm not social. As much as I want to be, I know I'm not. I like to keep away from most people. But then I also want to be around people.

Gahh, I'm such a confusing person. Confusion will be the bane of my existence -__-

You know, I just like blogging because I don't need a form, a structure, or anything important like those. Blogging can be all fluff, and it wouldn't matter. And people don't read my blog very often if at all. (I seriously don't know if anyone reads this)

A silent audience. I like that. Whether it be ghosts or real readers. I'm not afraid to put down what's on my mind.

Hah, somehow I managed to go from talking about English major to English writing to blogging. I love my tangents oh so much haha. But yeah, English major. I don't know. I don't know what people see in my writing. I don't see anything, except for the words I put down and the thoughts that were attached to them.

Write as I speak or think. That's the only way I go. Even for my essays. That's why I always worry about how they flow. No transitions. I always put those in later.

I just don't want to fit into a writing mold. I like my disconnected, albeit difficult-to-follow style. It's how I write, how I think. It's just, I write for me. I don't write for another audience, even if there may be one. I think that's the hardest part about writing an English paper for me. I don't want to write for another audience. Why should I care to write for them? I don't want to change people's minds. I might want them to listen to my opinion, but that's it.

Why do things have to get so complicated with explanations and reasoning and all that? Yeah, sure, they're good for arguments. But I don't want to argue. I would much rather listen to people and make my own judgments. Keep 'em to myself. The rest of the world doesn't need to know what I think, what one person thinks.

Oh, such negative thinking. Hah, I should just go back to updating about my daily routines XP