I'm always the single one...

Or that's what it feels like when I'm with my friends. People hooking up, dating, and all that. I feel so left behind -__-

So I found out from Autumn today that a girl (from the "Why am I still thinking about her?" entry) is dating the guy that she had told me she liked. Figures. I already made that assumption because her last status update on Myspace about a month ago said she felt adored and his Facebook said he's in a relationship. Mm. Well, that's cool. It's just weird because I could never imagine him in a relationship haha :P

I just notice something about all the "serious" crushes I had on girls. Those girls, after I "move on," get into relationships relatively soon after. Autumn called me a good luck charm. Chyeah, for other people -__- Not for me. I've yet to meet anyone with whom I have a mutual interest.

I'm such a loser. I feel like I'm never gonna find that someone for me :( My friends are always kissing and hugging their boos, and I feel so alone.

I really suck, for feeling like this. I do this to myself. Bah!

I need happy thoughts. I need a best friend. Hah, never gonna happen. I can't open up. I want someone to open me up. I can't do it alone.

When I think of the perfect girlfriend, I see someone who motivates and encourages me to do better. But she doesn't force me to do too much of anything I don't want to do. She just pushes me enough to get where I should get to. She wants to hang out with me every day, but she wouldn't keep me from doing my work. She makes sure I get work done before we hang out. She wants me to do well in school for myself. She encourages me to try hard in school and in life. She knows exactly when to kiss and hug me. She likes to cuddle and watch movies with me. She doesn't get mad when I can't be with her all the time. She sees my flaws, but she loves me anyway. She just makes me happy whenever she's around. We could say not a word, and I feel like we've had one of the most meaningful conversations ever. Her presence would just overwhelm me with warmth and fuzziness haha.

I just want someone to love, to hold, to fill in the space between my arms. Make me feel at home.


Home is where the heart is,
But I don't know where mine is.


I'm actually feeling the songs "Suffocate" by J. Holiday. I love that song. I want to feel that way about a girl. And "Differences" by Ginuwine and a couple more haha. Love songs. I wish I could relate to love songs.