Why am I still thinking about her?

Again, I forgot something. Darn my memory -_-

So, this morning, I had a dream that I actually remember.

I dreamed about a girl. I haven't seen her since I visited ST back in January. I miss talking to her :/ I've tried to call her a few times since, but her phone's always off. I haven't gotten any calls back nor any replies to my texts.

I think I used to like her when I was still a senior at ST. I say "I think" because I wasn't sure if I wanted to like her (it gets troubling to like girls who only ever talk about guys). I think she might have liked me. She might've told me. But then she changed her mind. I remember she had "something important" to tell me once. I waited. But she never said anything. When I asked her about it the next day, she chuckled and said she couldn't remember. I doubted it. It's hard to forget when you have something important to say. But I didn't push it. Maybe I should have. Maybe I should have said I liked her.

Anyway, I've remembered her from time to time over the past 9 months. I didn't think about liking her. I just thought about her. I miss talking to her, listening to her. But I don't think anything's ever gonna happen there. I can't even get in touch with her.

I haven't been thinking about her lately, but the dream made me think of her again. She likes a guy I know. Well, that's what she told me. I know who he is. I wonder...

Back to the dream. It was short. I meet her somewhere. She seems happy to see me and gives me a hug. I can't stop smiling at her. I ask her about why I haven't been able to reach her. She says that her phone is broken and she's been thinking about me and feeling sorry about not reaching me. She misses me. My heart does a little dance, and I just keep smiling, saying it's ok, we'll keep in touch better now.

That's all there is to the dream. What I remember most is how she looked in the dream. Sweet, happy, and just so damn cute haha.

I have no idea why I dreamed about her. I haven't been thinking about her. Or have I? Mm.

Damn. I need to obsess about someone I actually talk to more often. Why am I thinking about someone I don't even see anymore? :/ Letting-go issues, must be.

Now, I'm thinking about every person I had a serious interest in. Only 4 or 5 people. I debate the seriousness of my past interests a lot. 4 girls, 1 boy. Haha. There's no one for me to like right now, so I can only think back to the past. What fun.

Thinking about these kinda things just makes me feel so alone. I keep feeling so alone. Gahh.. I need to stop thinking. Or to start pursuing someone hahaha. Make this into a game. No, I wouldn't do that. But I don't know what or who to think about. The stuff I think about now are too disheartening. I hate thinking about the future. I want to think about someone.

Who??

Haha this reminds me of my first couple of entries on LJ. Wondering who will be "the one." Still waiting for my firsts and all. I'm still patient, maybe complaining about my chances a little more than I used to. I just don't want to feel so...

Empty and alone.