Never appreciated..

I tried to be nice, and all I got was his stupid bitchiness. He takes after my mom way too much. Stupid asshole. He asked me to drive him to meet some guy. He told me to drive him to Lion Plaza. So I do, and what do he do? He fuckin yells at me. Why? Because that's not where they're meeting.

He told me Lion Plaza. Where the fuck else was I going to drive him? The fuckin moon?

And the guy he was gonna meet is a no-show. So he spends the hour that we're waiting just bitching and moaning about how that dude owes him money and how he's flaky. I don't give a shit. His fuckin fault for giving the guy money in the first place.

When we got home, Tony asked me to drive him to his friend's place. As we're leaving my neighborhood, I ask him where to go. He gives me a vague direction. So I ask him to clarify and still don't know where he's talking about. So I guess at the location, and he yells at me because I'm wrong. I stay calm and ask him to clarify one more time because I don't want to make a wrong turn. Then he just bitches at me, telling me to follow his instructions. Asshole words just stream out of his mouth.

We're still near my neighborhood, so I turn back to go home. I tell him he can get Mom to drive him there instead. He screams at me, "What the fuck is your problem? I'm fuckin late to everything." One, my problem is obviously him. Two, he's the reason he's late.

I'm not his fuckin problem, so he shouldn't fuckin treat me like one.

I leave him in the car on the driveway and go in the house. I tell my mom what happened and ask her to drive him instead because I know she can handle him. Then we hear him cursing at me from the driveway. That pisses off my mom because our neighbors are home and they're not deaf.

If I had to keep driving him, I would've started crying. And I've learned from previous experiences that that is not safe. In his anger, all he can think about is how he's being wronged and all. In my anger, I'm still thinking about my safety and his. He would have yelled at me the whole way to his friend's house. I would have cried. Near collisions, more bitching. Who knows? Tonight, we could have crashed because I can't take the fuckin anger.

Fuck! I hate that I'm angry right now.



I asked him for directions and didn't understand what he was saying. So he got mad and started swearing at me. I didn't want to drive him anymore. Tell me, was I wrong to react the way I did? To let my anger control me and to drive back home, instead of biting my tongue and driving him to his friend's house? It could have been a quick drive, who knows?

I could have handled that better. I know I could have, but I didn't. And now I feel like shit.

I wasted my afternoon for him, and he couldn't even thank me. Instead, he directed his anger for that guy toward me, and I hate him for it. He made me angry. He makes me hate myself a lot.

That's the first time I've ever turned the car around because he yelled at me. A part of me is happy about that. Another part just wants to slap me and say I should have just toughened up and drove.

Whatever. It's over now.

I don't know how my family always manages to push my buttons. I wish I could just stop reacting. I wish I couldn't be so angry..