She doesn't even ask if he's ok..

So the brother just came home. He was in a car accident last night. Didn't say much about it.

Instead of asking if he was ok, Mother went on a tirade about how irresponsible Brother was. Even though, he wasn't the one driving the car. Ugh. I have to listen to this crap every day, but I never get used to it. Not really anyway.

Makes me not want to have kids. Like at all. Not the "because they might turn out to be bad" reason but the "I don't wanna turn into my mom" reason.

I don't want to see that in me. Too much anger. Not enough listening.

A family of photographs? Photographs of a family?

So when I visited my brother a month ago, he promised me that once he got out, we would organize all of our family photos and put them into photo albums.

The reason they were unorganized is me :P When I was about eight or nine, I took out all the photos to look at them and didn't pay attention to where I put them. By the time I finally realized that I mixed things up, there was no way I could figure out which photos went with which. So I just gathered random pictures and put them in the same packets.

Now, ten years later, we finally decided to organize it all. Tony and I, brother and sister...

No, not really. Ever since he's gotten out, he's been busy either working or sleeping. When we did manage to find some time on Tuesday, most of the photos were already grouped correctly, and only Tony's baby photos were still unorganized. Tony ended up just looking at a few of his baby photos and laughing at mine XP

Today, we went to buy a photo album at Michael's. Enough for 200 4x6's. Then I drove him to work.

When I got home, I found out 200 is not enough. I felt bad because Tony chose the album. He liked the design. It's of a tree. I liked it too. But my mom didn't like how much it cost. So she took me to Walmart. But before we left, I texted Tony to tell him the sad news :( He was ok with it. So at Walmart, I got two albums, enough for 300 each. Plus one photo on each of the front covers.

When I got home, I sat down on the floor of my bedroom and finished up Tony's photos. Then I took the next two hours putting photos into the albums. I missed one photo in the first album :( I misread the year, dang it. Oh and the reason I took two hours to put in photos? Not because there were so many photos. Because I couldn't figure out when some of the photos were taken. I have a thing for chronology. This project irked me because half the photos don't have dates. So I had to guess, comparing faces and heights. For the most part, the albums are in order. At least grouped together perfectly. Not like mixing up birthday photos from fifteen years ago with those from ten years ago :)

As far as I can tell, we have at least 500 photos, including some non-family photos.

I still have two more sets of photos to add in, but those need Mother's approval, for I do not know if she wants those people in our albums haha.

I think the saddest part of this for me was that Tony's been too busy to take part in the little project :( I basically start school in four days. I wouldn't have time for this then. Nor would Tony, since he's always busy or tired now. I feel bad for doing everything, but I just didn't want to wait any longer. Because if I had, the photos would never be done.

Anyway, I noticed that my family didn't really smile in many of our photos. How sad. We looked either bored or angry. But at least we were good-looking. I was cute and chubby :P Now when I'm photographed, I just look geeky and chinky haha.

I wonder how we're gonna share the photos when we're older. Will we take turns holding the albums? Or will one of us keep it forever and the other look at it when visiting? We'll see.

Ah, I gotta remember to pay attention to the packet of negatives. If anything were to happen to the house, the photos will probably be the first things I go for. Well, hopefully. If they're not savable, I'll at least go for the negatives so we can reprint them.

Man, we're so digital now. No more negatives. It's all on SDs and flash. I guess it's more convenient this way, yeah? Mm.


Anyway, yeah, this is what I've been up to for the past three days. Fun stuff. Hope there's more fun stuff before school starts XD haha

Why couldn't I just let her have me?

So yesterday, the basics: Pool, Oakridge, Crawdaddy, Blockbuster, Le's house.

Went to Palmia with Kat, Le, Minh, Ariane, Andrew, and Randy. They swam, tanned. I dipped my feet in the pool. They killed a Nerf football. RIP. I joked, and everyone thought I was serious XP Am I that terrible at joking? Or am I just that damn good? haha Randy's foot fetish :P

After the swimming, I drove Kat and Randy to the mall. The others had places to go. We planned to meet at Le's by 1700. We did. Kiet was there too.

After meeting up, we went to Crawdaddy. Le, Kat, Randy, and I were the first ones there. The rest took a while. So we went into Hollywood Video and commented on every movie we recognized.

Mm, Crawdaddy. It was ok. Wasn't amazing. Most of the crawfish were pretty small. And a lot of them were soft. But the music selection of the place was awesome.

Kat, Le, and I determined that the waitress did not like Kat because Kat received less butter than Le haha.

Also, we all established that Randy doesn't know how to eat cleanly. But he became a master of eating crawfish, for he ended up instructing Andrew on the ettiquette of opening and eating crawfish.

After paying, we stood in front of the restaurant, trying to figure out what to do next. Eventually, it was decided that we would all meet at Blockbuster, choose a movie, and watch it at Le's house. Apparently, there was a miscommunication. Only Andrew showed up. Late.

We chose "He's Just Not That Into You." Le and I went back to her house, while Andrew, Kat, and Randy dealt with Blockbuster business haha.

At Le's, when we were all finally gathered, we watched the two-hour-long movie. It was ok, interesting. Soap-esque, I think. The camera style is different than that of typical American movies. The contrast is sharper. Much sharper. Made me feel like I was also watching a home video made with a high-quality camcorder, if such a thing ever existed haha.

Hmm, I recognized a lot of the actors. Oh, I so knew that it was Jennifer Connelly in the movie and not Demi Moore, despite how similar their faces are. Everyone else kept saying Demi Moore, Pssh, I soo could tell it wasn't her haha.

The ending of the movie, predictable, yeah? Ariane loved the ending. She even smacked my arm to get the point across. Just so cute, right? haha

Overall, the movie really was just ok for me. But I did enjoy Ginnifer Goodwin and Justin Long's performances. She was quirky, and he was suave (compared to many of his other roles).


Anyway, this morning, I had a long dream. Or two dreams. I'm not sure. I've forgotten most of them, but the weird parts stuck. I don't even remember which part happened first.

In one dream, I'm at SJSU in Sweeney Hall. I'm running down a long set of stairs similar to the Event Center's. My feet are paralyzed, but I still managed to run down, almost gliding at times. I feel fear, anxiety. Something's chasing me... And that's all I remember.

The other dream: There's some girl a little taller than me holding/hugging me from behind. We're in her room. I'm thinking, "Wtf is happening?" There are other girls in the room. Sorority sisters. I'm freaking out.

I fight for the door. Once we're outside the door, I turn around and say, "Let the fuck go of me, or I'll fuckin hurt you." She lets go. Then I look at her. She's blonde, attractive, intimidating.

I woke up. I don't fuckin' get it, but that dream scared me.

Ants invaded my bathroom.

An army of them. Mother attacked them with Raid. That's really all I was gonna say. And also, whyy? There's no food in the bathroom -_-

Now, I'm waiting for the bathroom to air out the chemicals so that I may go in and wash the sweat and dust off of my face. Egh. Been driving Mother around for a few hours.


Oh, tomorrow, I will go see a pool. With Kat and Le. Not sure if I'm going into the pool. Mother does not want me in a pool. Some family superstition thingy. Uncle died when his fighter aircraft fell into the ocean. Somehow that translates into Brother and I being unlucky near large bodies of water. But hey, at least I no longer have a fear of such bodies of water. Good thing I don't like to swim :P But maybe I'll go into the pool. If I figure out how to go home dry and chlorine-free.


Just over ten days left till school starts. Woohoo. My Philosophy prof has already emailed the class. I can already imagine that she will be one of the best professors I will ever have. Besides, her reviews on Ratemyprofessors have been really heartening.


Anyway, I hope I can hang out a few times before school starts for everyone again. I haven't seen too many people this summer. Man, I haven't even seen Alex D. This is a first haha. Yeah, ok.

Never appreciated..

I tried to be nice, and all I got was his stupid bitchiness. He takes after my mom way too much. Stupid asshole. He asked me to drive him to meet some guy. He told me to drive him to Lion Plaza. So I do, and what do he do? He fuckin yells at me. Why? Because that's not where they're meeting.

He told me Lion Plaza. Where the fuck else was I going to drive him? The fuckin moon?

And the guy he was gonna meet is a no-show. So he spends the hour that we're waiting just bitching and moaning about how that dude owes him money and how he's flaky. I don't give a shit. His fuckin fault for giving the guy money in the first place.

When we got home, Tony asked me to drive him to his friend's place. As we're leaving my neighborhood, I ask him where to go. He gives me a vague direction. So I ask him to clarify and still don't know where he's talking about. So I guess at the location, and he yells at me because I'm wrong. I stay calm and ask him to clarify one more time because I don't want to make a wrong turn. Then he just bitches at me, telling me to follow his instructions. Asshole words just stream out of his mouth.

We're still near my neighborhood, so I turn back to go home. I tell him he can get Mom to drive him there instead. He screams at me, "What the fuck is your problem? I'm fuckin late to everything." One, my problem is obviously him. Two, he's the reason he's late.

I'm not his fuckin problem, so he shouldn't fuckin treat me like one.

I leave him in the car on the driveway and go in the house. I tell my mom what happened and ask her to drive him instead because I know she can handle him. Then we hear him cursing at me from the driveway. That pisses off my mom because our neighbors are home and they're not deaf.

If I had to keep driving him, I would've started crying. And I've learned from previous experiences that that is not safe. In his anger, all he can think about is how he's being wronged and all. In my anger, I'm still thinking about my safety and his. He would have yelled at me the whole way to his friend's house. I would have cried. Near collisions, more bitching. Who knows? Tonight, we could have crashed because I can't take the fuckin anger.

Fuck! I hate that I'm angry right now.



I asked him for directions and didn't understand what he was saying. So he got mad and started swearing at me. I didn't want to drive him anymore. Tell me, was I wrong to react the way I did? To let my anger control me and to drive back home, instead of biting my tongue and driving him to his friend's house? It could have been a quick drive, who knows?

I could have handled that better. I know I could have, but I didn't. And now I feel like shit.

I wasted my afternoon for him, and he couldn't even thank me. Instead, he directed his anger for that guy toward me, and I hate him for it. He made me angry. He makes me hate myself a lot.

That's the first time I've ever turned the car around because he yelled at me. A part of me is happy about that. Another part just wants to slap me and say I should have just toughened up and drove.

Whatever. It's over now.

I don't know how my family always manages to push my buttons. I wish I could just stop reacting. I wish I couldn't be so angry..

Let's start with generosity. Not really.

There are three people: a homeless man with no money, a man who has a million-dollar salary, and a woman whose savings is $1.75. The millionaire sees the homeless man and gives him a ten-dollar bill. The woman then sees the homeless man and gives him $1.75. Which person was more generous?

I remember my childhood friend, Yvonne Luong, asked me this question when we were in the fourth grade. I got it wrong. I still think about this question from time to time.


I spent much of today talking to D. I talked to him about family, my gripes and whatnot. Stuff like how Brother takes after Mother. Their materialism. Their extravagance. Their self-importance. Their controlling and possessive ways. Their inability to listen, to really listen.

Somehow, D and I ended up talking about temperaments and religion. Calm versus anger. Buddhism. Mother is angry; Brother is angry. I try to stay calm, keep my anger to myself, reveal it in less explosive ways. In public, D and I give every religion equal attention. In private, we exalt Buddhism.

In Buddhism, we don't need a god or any supernatural beings really. D and I prefer the pragmatism of Buddhism. It isn't even considered a religion by some, which is fine by us.

I was going to elaborate on religion in this entry, but I'm really tired from talking with D haha. Oh, and obviously, our view of Buddhism/religion doesn't necessarily match that of other religious folks.


Other than all that, today, my family and I went to look at Nissan Muranos (still not sure how to pronounce it). Mother has changed her mind and is willing to forego buying the Avalon to purchase a black/black Murano instead. Yay.


Hmm, maybe my next entry will emphasize my religious perspective. Seriously, I'm not really a religious person, but I do find pride in being a Buddhist. Not a denominational Buddhist (not theraveda, not mahayana, not any of those) but one who follows her own ideal religion. Yes, I pick and choose the parts I believe, but c'mon, who doesn't already do that? We already choose (or don't choose) our religions. So why not choose the parts of the parts of our lives, mm?

Anyway, yeah, next entry, if I remember, Religion.

No more CARS for us :P

So we went to a Toyota dealership on Whipple Road in Redwood City.

On the way there, we were in the carpool lane in D's van. Suddenly, we hear like a miniature crashing sound. I looked in the side rear view mirror (I was sitting in the passenger seat), but I didn't see anything. Of course, we were going at 75 mph. However, sitting all the way in the backseat, Tony yelled for D to exit off the freeway because he thought something might have fallen off of the van.

But D didn't pull over. He was asking Tony questions about why he should pull over first. About two miles after the initial suspicions, we finally pull off onto the shoulder of the freeway. Tony gets out of the van to check the vehicle. Turns out the front hubcap on the right side flew off :P

Once that thought registered in our brains, we laughed and continued to Redwood City. I hope the hubcap didn't hit another car :x That would suck.


Anyway, we got to the dealership. Saw the Avalons. Mother chose one. Some light green color. Very unique. The salesman was really nice. Filipino.

We made our offer. And by "we," I mean Tony, Mother, and D haha. Our offer was too low. The boss didn't want less than $32,000. Our offer didn't give them much profit. So we left after one more offer.

When we left, there were no hard feelings :) Besides, the guy wasn't getting a commission. He's got a nice salary instead haha.


Ah, so I forgot to mention that this afternoon I finally sold my textbooks :D Robert's Bookstore. Brought my textbooks and Tony's. The lady checked two different computers to see if I could sell any of it. All but two of my books were still in use. Only two of Tony's old textbooks are still being sold. I got $80 for those. Then another $10 for the store to recycle everything else. I mean I could have brought the other books to Beat the Bookstore and see if they would buy them, but whatever. No time. No care. So $90 in total. I'm pretty happy with that. Even though, knowing that we spent probably a thousand on all of them makes me sad. Oh well, better than no money back whatsoever. And the lady said that I got a lot more than she expected I would haha. Anyway, I think I'll remember to sell my textbooks as soon as I'm done with them. Finals weeks. Yeaah, how fun.

Cash for Clunkers, ehh pfft...

Again, assuming you know what I'm talking about. Also assuming you've heard about it possibly ending this Friday rather than on November 1st. Senate voting tomorrow. We'll see what happens.

So anyway, figured some stuff out. Can't trade in my Cressida because we haven't had it for a year (especially not two years -- new rule). Can't trade in D's caravan because its estimated mpg doesn't qualify. By one mpg haha.

So now, we're thinking of just buying a new Avalon. Without the program. See if the salespeople will treat us better. Oh yeah, we all agree the guy from yesterday was an ass. We weren't worth his time, pfft.

Gonna go to Sunnyvale to look at a 2009 Avalon Limited, since XL is all gone. XLS, no pretty colors haha. Mother wants black. Only the Limited is still in black. If we don't get it in Sunnyvale, we might drive all the way to San Rafael, eek. Or somewhere closer for a gray Avalon something :P They're changing their minds a lot. All I know is we're NOT going to Putnam Toyota. Salesguy Jaime, thumbs down for the bad salesman attitude.


I have to admit this is kind of exciting yet not. It's just a car. I think it's the family bonding that's fun. In its own way. If and when we buy the Avalon, we'll trade in the caravan for whatever we can get (about $700 for good condition).

Anyway, yeah, that's all. I don't really know what else I can say haha. Byee.

CARS formerly known as Cash For Clunkers

So I'm going to assume everyone has heard about the Car Allowance Rebate System, or CARS. I mean, people have already gone through the one million that the federal government had set aside for the program. It's hoping to add another two million dollars. Supposed to end November 1st.

So Mother's been excited about finding a new car. Another Toyota Avalon. 2009 model. Been searching. Been sold out at a lot of places.

Today, we (Mother, brother, D, and I) drove to Burlingame to check out an Avalon XLS. The salesguy walked us down the street to a different dealership to look at the car. They all looked inside the car and all. I read my book. I really wasn't interested in going, but I was forced to tag along. The salesguy started the car so we could listen to the engine.

Then everything went downhill from there. The guy asked for the papers to our "clunker," but we didn't have them with us. We only came to look at the Avalon and get the price of the car. But no. He didn't want to do that. He wanted to first check out our old vehicle and D's credit (since it will technically be under his name). We really just wanted the price. So we were basically just scoping the car before making a decision. The way the guy wanted to do it was to check everything out and then sell the Avalon at the price determined by the CARS program instead of letting us deal.

Anyway, when the guy found out we didn't bring the papers or the vehicle, he told us we were wasting his time. Tony overreacted, started swearing at the guy, saying we would find a different salesman for the car. We all walked down the street back to the car together. Mother apologizing to the guy for brother's behavior. Brother yelled at Mother for still talking to the guy. I had turned on my music by then.

People are idiots, yeah? Yeah. Brother way overreacted. Stupid anger.

But the salesguy was a jerk too. Or just really rude. Before, he was acting nice. Once he found out we were just there to check out the car, he abruptly turned off the car engine and said he wasn't gonna help us out anymore unless we had the papers. The least he could have done was say "I'm sorry, but I can't help you unless you have the papers. If you could come back with the papers..." I mean, the dude wouldn't even give us an estimate of the car's price.

I'll bet you anything that if CARS wasn't happening now, that dude would never have treated us like time-wasters. First rule of sales or whatever, the customer is always right. Or something along that line. But of course, the guy knows if we don't buy the car, someone else will probably come along to snag the deal before CARS ends.

Stupid Tony. He fucking kicked his water bottle at the Avalon after the salesguy started walking away from us (another asshole thing the guy did, walking away from potential customers).


I wish I didn't have to go today. I wouldn't have had to witness any of that. So not happy :( And today was such a bad day already. Earlier, Tony and Mother were arguing about his old textbooks just lying around in the garage. Fuckin bitchy today. What the hell? Whatever. That's resolved. Tomorrow, I'm driving him downtown so he can apply to another restaurant (second job). While he's doing that, I'm going to Robert's Bookstore to sell my textbooks and Tony's old textbooks. Whatever I can sell, I'll sell. Whatever I can't, I'll ask the store to at least get rid of the books for me. Mm, some of his old books are still good, usable, and still being used. Ah, we shouldn't have thrown his other books in the recycling bin. Could have sold them. But of course, those were thrown away in anger :/


Ah, today is definitely a day I care not to remember, but I'll remember just because..

Tattoos, a cat, and some justice

Yay for a few random news stories.

Flag tattoos. I don't know what to say about this.

Laundered cat. Why didn't she turn off the machine herself? -_-

They were caught! :D Or, well, hopefully at least the guy who threw the bleach.

Funny People and catching up...

Went to the mall with Tuan today. First time we chilled in two years. Funny People was a good movie. Click was better, but this was good. Funny when I didn't expect it to be funny. Awkward when I didn't expect it to be awkward.

Afterward, we visited Josh at the Pizza Hut Express haha. Then Tuan and I went to the Loving Hut. He ate. I had already eaten at Pizza Hut. Anyway, we sat in front of Loving Hut for like two hours talking about random stuff, mostly about the Saw series haha. Some guy was asking for donations for charity. Went back to visit Josh again.

Then I had to leave -_-

Overall, today was chill. Hella random conversations. Pot, drinking, dating, etc etc....

Oh, I forgot the charity guy haha. I gave him a ten. Tuan took the ten, said we'd split the donation, and gave the guy a five hahahaha. It was hella funny. I corrected him. He gave the ten back, and I took the five :P Fun stuff, fun stuff. Tuan almost gypped the donation guy and me XP


Anyway, we plan to chill again this week. With Josh. Maybe Kevin. We'll see what happens.

Old people from the Bay and a screaming contest

You know you're driving behind Bay Area people when their plate says "HYPHY." Even if they are white and in their 60s :D It just tickles me.

My brother and I saw them on Friday. I forgot to mention it. It was even at the top of the list of things I wanted to mention, but somehow I forgot.


Anyway, I can't scream. I'm glad I can't. I find it funny that there is such a thing as an official screaming contest. How irritating would it get after five screams?