And I can't fucking tell if I'm fucking hurting or not.
My friend, Ton W, passed away last Tuesday night, April 17. Only five days ago. Don't know how he died. Found out Wednesday evening. Went through Wednesday thinking I was gonna see him Thursday night at the drag show. Felt like I was lied to. Spent Wednesday night, fighting wakefulness and all these thoughts that wouldn't stop repeating themselves. Had to surround myself with people to keep my brain from doing that. But that could only last so long.
I can't fucking put into words what I'm feeling.
I've never really had to grieve for anyone. There was Earl. His death hurt, but it was easier to accept because he was fighting cancer. Ton's death, on the other hand, was so unexpected. And I can't deal with it. I thought I was dealing with it just fine. I cried like crazy Wednesday night to Thursday night during the drag show. Then I couldn't cry anymore. I thought I was done. I haven't had the urge to cry for two days. But then today, I've been sitting on a bench on campus (still am as I type this), doing homework. Lost my focus, went on Facebook, and somehow found myself looking at Ton's page. I can feel the tears wanting to come out again, but this time they're not coming out. I have that heavy feeling in my chest again, and it's not relieving itself. I don't know how to get it out.
A part of me is scared that his death was a suicide. I know I shouldn't make any assumptions. I've talked to some friends about this. I can't help but wonder. I talked to him on Tuesday. He saw me in the Student Union working on my paper. He stopped by to talk to me for about ten minutes. It had been a while since I'd last seen him and I was glad to talk to him.
This may just be hindsight bias, but I could feel that something was not right when I hugged him. He didn't really hug me back. He put his arms around me, but I couldn't feel the hugs. And I always feel his hugs. I loved his teddy bear hugs. I should have figured out that something was up. I should have kept talking to him. Maybe it would have made a difference somehow.
But he talked about going to the drag show and hanging out with everyone. He talked about being glad that the semester was almost over. He talked about going to the Cherry Blosson Festival this weekend.
I dunno what I'm feeling. Ton's no longer around. He's dead. I can't tell if I've accepted his death or not. I don't know what I'm thinking or feeling. I can't tell if I'm angry, frustrated, depressed, numb, or anything else. But I know I'm feeling something. Maybe it's everything that I'm feeling.
I'm hoping that his death was natural. I feel stupid for saying this, but if his death was a suicide, I would hate myself. I don't want to feel guilty. I know I shouldn't. But I can't help it. I talked to him hours before he died. That makes me feel like I could have done something, instead of ignoring the nagging feeling that something was wrong.
I thought blogging or getting these words out would help me feel a little better. But I don't feel better. I'm still stuck at ineffable.
We continued on with the drag show with a tribute to Ton. There was no stopping the tears that came with seeing his photos on the screen on the stage. I couldn't look at them before the start of the show. But when the show started and Chara started playing her song, I couldn't look away from Ton's face on the screen.
Ahh... The rest of the show went on as planned. I barely remember it. Not as amazing as the previous drag shows I went to. I can't tell if that's because the performances weren't up to par or because of Ton's death.
Ugh. This isn't helping me. I don't know what to do. I can't really talk about this. I did, and I was ok. Then I'm no longer ok. And I feel like talking about it won't help me anymore. I can't even think of what to say. My feelings are just those: feelings, not words. They won't leave my brain. I just can't think. All I'm doing is feeling. Why can't I think? Fuck. I can't think about anything. I can't focus on this paper that I was supposed to finish by today. It probably won't be finished by next weekend either. My brain won't think. All it thinks is "Why are you dead? Why aren't you here anymore? Why are you gone? Why?"
What should I do? I don't want to talk, but I feel like things are getting heavier and I can't carry shit.
I just need sleep. A nice, long sleep. When I wake up, I'll feel better. But I can't sleep. I'm not sleeping well. I don't have dreams or anything. But I don't feel like I sleep at all.
Ahhhhh!! I can't fucking take this right now. I just wanna cry this all out again, but I can't. What can I do, but just wait for it to pass? That's what I'll do, I guess. I hope it passes soon.
Rest in peace, Ton. We all love and miss you.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
2012 is going well so far
I'm lucky my last semester of undergrad is pretty damn easy. Two Justice Studies classes, one Radio TV Film class, and three PE classes. Little stress. Though, I am kinda worried about finding a job. I've been looking and applying for jobs, but not getting responses or anything.
But anyway, school is good. Meeting some new folks. Pretty chill. Volleyball has given me bruises and a lightly sprained thumb, but that was because I was still learning the proper techniques. Getting much better now. Soccer makes my legs scream, especially my left leg--it feels like ligaments and/or tendons are being ripped from my leg, but the feeling has been decreasing (must mean I'm getting better). Self-defense has been fun. It's like a refresher course on all the defense stuff I learned in middle school, except we actually practice with other people. Except we can't actually hit each other. Though, accidents happen. Like today. I was attempting a spin kick. Either there was too much torque or I tripped, but somehow I managed to flip myself onto the ground >.>; Painful but funny XP I laughed, while my instructor told me to get back up and keep going.
PE classes overall are fun. I wish I had taken more PE classes in college -sigh- Maybe I'll go to community college after I graduate and take PE classes then. I might end up going to CC after graduation, at least if I can't find a decent job.
Uh, lots of stuff happening lately, except I'm not remembering them very well haha.
I went to ETD Love in SF with a couple of friends (Michelle P, Olivia S and her friends and family). First rave I've ever been to. Was fun. Met some nice, cool people. Danced all night. Drank lots of water. John O'Callaghan was amazing. And so were many of the other DJs, like John Beaver, Gabriel & Dresden, Myon & Shane 54, and Lazy Rich. Good stuff. Must listen to more of their music.
I know I've done more than go to a rave, but I just can't recall anything right now haha. Other than reading. I finally finished the HP series. I had a feeling about Snape, doubted it, doubted the doubt, and then was relieved that my initial feeling was spot on haha. Reading the Hunger Games series now. Just finished the first book. Good stuff. Hearing not-so-great reviews about the other two books, but I will finish this series, possibly before the movie premieres. I'm considering going to the midnight showing, but we'll see. I know I'm loving the song "Safe and Sound" by Taylor Swift Ft. The Civil Wars. That song is very moving and fits the mood of the story very well.
Haha oh, tangents.
I miss blogging often. But now, I barely remember to blog. I think I've already written this many times before, but blogging helps me remember stuff. Except I guess it doesn't work if I don't remember to blog <.<
Mm, so I've been kinda trying to talk to more people. Fighting my urge to become a hermit. Making new friends, kinda. Trying to broaden my horizons. Oh, I went to my first TransTalk meeting today. Was a good meeting and a good chance to learn about people. I think I might start spending a little more time at the LGBT Resource Center. I'm going to QTIP and Q&A again, since they don't clash with my classes. And I guess I'm adding TransTalk to my schedule on Wednesdays.
So new people I've met/talked to, and whose names I learned through group intros and ice breaker games: Holden, Maui, Simon, Nadia, Helen, Tracy, Jonathan (used to go to ST), Bridgette (no idea how to spell her name). I've forgotten other people's names <.< That's not good.
But anyway, yeah, trying to be more open and less aloof. It's very hard >.> But I'm getting somewhere haha. Part of my new year's/life resolution for self-improvement. Very general and vague, but hopefully I'll accomplish it every day anyway. Still working on the patience with family part though. That's a toughy.
But anyway, school is good. Meeting some new folks. Pretty chill. Volleyball has given me bruises and a lightly sprained thumb, but that was because I was still learning the proper techniques. Getting much better now. Soccer makes my legs scream, especially my left leg--it feels like ligaments and/or tendons are being ripped from my leg, but the feeling has been decreasing (must mean I'm getting better). Self-defense has been fun. It's like a refresher course on all the defense stuff I learned in middle school, except we actually practice with other people. Except we can't actually hit each other. Though, accidents happen. Like today. I was attempting a spin kick. Either there was too much torque or I tripped, but somehow I managed to flip myself onto the ground >.>; Painful but funny XP I laughed, while my instructor told me to get back up and keep going.
PE classes overall are fun. I wish I had taken more PE classes in college -sigh- Maybe I'll go to community college after I graduate and take PE classes then. I might end up going to CC after graduation, at least if I can't find a decent job.
Uh, lots of stuff happening lately, except I'm not remembering them very well haha.
I went to ETD Love in SF with a couple of friends (Michelle P, Olivia S and her friends and family). First rave I've ever been to. Was fun. Met some nice, cool people. Danced all night. Drank lots of water. John O'Callaghan was amazing. And so were many of the other DJs, like John Beaver, Gabriel & Dresden, Myon & Shane 54, and Lazy Rich. Good stuff. Must listen to more of their music.
I know I've done more than go to a rave, but I just can't recall anything right now haha. Other than reading. I finally finished the HP series. I had a feeling about Snape, doubted it, doubted the doubt, and then was relieved that my initial feeling was spot on haha. Reading the Hunger Games series now. Just finished the first book. Good stuff. Hearing not-so-great reviews about the other two books, but I will finish this series, possibly before the movie premieres. I'm considering going to the midnight showing, but we'll see. I know I'm loving the song "Safe and Sound" by Taylor Swift Ft. The Civil Wars. That song is very moving and fits the mood of the story very well.
Haha oh, tangents.
I miss blogging often. But now, I barely remember to blog. I think I've already written this many times before, but blogging helps me remember stuff. Except I guess it doesn't work if I don't remember to blog <.<
Mm, so I've been kinda trying to talk to more people. Fighting my urge to become a hermit. Making new friends, kinda. Trying to broaden my horizons. Oh, I went to my first TransTalk meeting today. Was a good meeting and a good chance to learn about people. I think I might start spending a little more time at the LGBT Resource Center. I'm going to QTIP and Q&A again, since they don't clash with my classes. And I guess I'm adding TransTalk to my schedule on Wednesdays.
So new people I've met/talked to, and whose names I learned through group intros and ice breaker games: Holden, Maui, Simon, Nadia, Helen, Tracy, Jonathan (used to go to ST), Bridgette (no idea how to spell her name). I've forgotten other people's names <.< That's not good.
But anyway, yeah, trying to be more open and less aloof. It's very hard >.> But I'm getting somewhere haha. Part of my new year's/life resolution for self-improvement. Very general and vague, but hopefully I'll accomplish it every day anyway. Still working on the patience with family part though. That's a toughy.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
End of 2011
I can't believe this year is already coming to a close.
It's been a hectic year. Lots of ups and downs as usual. Maybe more downs than I'm used to. But I've learned along the way. I just hope I remember the lessons XD
I'm still sad that I haven't been updating much; therefore, I remember less of the past couple of months than I could if I had updated. Oh well. Don't know if I'll update more often or not. Probably not. We'll see. Will try not to let this blog die. Revive it every once in a while with memories.
But tonight, I will welcome 2012 with some amazing friends and a movie :) And plenty of catch-up time.
Resolutions... Hmm, I haven't really thought of many or any, really. But here's a small list:
Get a job (How long have I been trying now?)
Stress less
Learn how to constructively express my anger (Instead of holding it in to the point of tears)
Be more open (Fewer secrets. Yeah, I've done this one before, and I've since regressed)
I'm sure I'll think of more some other time. But now I gotta go chill with some cool people.
Happy New Year, everyone! Love y'all. Let's get this new year started, yee yee!
It's been a hectic year. Lots of ups and downs as usual. Maybe more downs than I'm used to. But I've learned along the way. I just hope I remember the lessons XD
I'm still sad that I haven't been updating much; therefore, I remember less of the past couple of months than I could if I had updated. Oh well. Don't know if I'll update more often or not. Probably not. We'll see. Will try not to let this blog die. Revive it every once in a while with memories.
But tonight, I will welcome 2012 with some amazing friends and a movie :) And plenty of catch-up time.
Resolutions... Hmm, I haven't really thought of many or any, really. But here's a small list:
Get a job (How long have I been trying now?)
Stress less
Learn how to constructively express my anger (Instead of holding it in to the point of tears)
Be more open (Fewer secrets. Yeah, I've done this one before, and I've since regressed)
I'm sure I'll think of more some other time. But now I gotta go chill with some cool people.
Happy New Year, everyone! Love y'all. Let's get this new year started, yee yee!
Friday, November 25, 2011
Three weeks until Fall 2011 ends...
I can't believe it's been more than two months since I've updated my blog O_O
School has been kicking my butt this semester. I don't even know why this semester has been so difficult for me. I attempted to refrain from major social gatherings. Haven't attended QTIP or Q&A this semester. Hung out with a few people a few times. Mostly have been keeping to myself, going to campus early and sitting by myself. Majorly stressed out.
De-stressed with clubbing at FuZ last Friday with Michelle P, Harrison, Matt C, Steven P, and Maria N :)
Had tried to de-stress at Queer Homecoming at the end of October, except turnout was low (because of Halloween weekend) and music had house beats so most people didn't dance. Most people left early. Had to end the dance an hour early >: At the end of the dance, there was only four of us dancing. Normally, I'd leave the dance floor if there weren't enough people, but damn it I wanted to dance.
Anyway, I'm sure lots of stuff has happened this past semester, except I can't recall much. Student walkouts. Occupy movement. San Jose Living Wage Campaign. Lots of death-related news around the country and stuff.
Two weeks of classes left and a week of finals. I'm trying to get work done this weekend, so that I don't leave four papers and a take-home exam to do in three nights. That would be so bad.
Turning 21 wasn't exactly life-changing haha. I don't even remember what I did that day other than turn in a really bad rough draft.
My brain is not organizing my thoughts very well haha. This semester has just been not that great to me XP But hopefully, next semester, my last semester, will be nicer to me. I've enrolled in my classes and everything, so it should be good. Just need to get some signatures and turn in some forms. But overall, my last semester should be nicer compared to this semester.
Ahh, I can't wait for winter break to see people again. Shiva is coming back for about a week in the middle of December. Brother intends to take us to the Castro with his girlfriend to go bar hopping. I'm inviting more friends haha. I find it kinda strange that Brother wants to bond more, but I guess that's good :3
Anyway, tonight, Harrison is taking me to the movies. Planning to watch The Muppets :D It's been a really long time since I've watched anything Muppet-related. Sadly, I also have a cold -___- Sniffly and congested. Rawr. Hope I feel better after a good night's rest, so that I can get at least one paper and half the exam done this weekend.
Uhh, I need to organize my thoughts better. But I won't. Not now. Now is time to focus on school and not dying from stress. Well, actually, now is time for the movies. Yay! It's been quite a while since I've been to the movies.
Just want to say to whoever's reading this: I miss y'all and I love y'all. Let's chill and catch up soon :)
School has been kicking my butt this semester. I don't even know why this semester has been so difficult for me. I attempted to refrain from major social gatherings. Haven't attended QTIP or Q&A this semester. Hung out with a few people a few times. Mostly have been keeping to myself, going to campus early and sitting by myself. Majorly stressed out.
De-stressed with clubbing at FuZ last Friday with Michelle P, Harrison, Matt C, Steven P, and Maria N :)
Had tried to de-stress at Queer Homecoming at the end of October, except turnout was low (because of Halloween weekend) and music had house beats so most people didn't dance. Most people left early. Had to end the dance an hour early >: At the end of the dance, there was only four of us dancing. Normally, I'd leave the dance floor if there weren't enough people, but damn it I wanted to dance.
Anyway, I'm sure lots of stuff has happened this past semester, except I can't recall much. Student walkouts. Occupy movement. San Jose Living Wage Campaign. Lots of death-related news around the country and stuff.
Two weeks of classes left and a week of finals. I'm trying to get work done this weekend, so that I don't leave four papers and a take-home exam to do in three nights. That would be so bad.
Turning 21 wasn't exactly life-changing haha. I don't even remember what I did that day other than turn in a really bad rough draft.
My brain is not organizing my thoughts very well haha. This semester has just been not that great to me XP But hopefully, next semester, my last semester, will be nicer to me. I've enrolled in my classes and everything, so it should be good. Just need to get some signatures and turn in some forms. But overall, my last semester should be nicer compared to this semester.
Ahh, I can't wait for winter break to see people again. Shiva is coming back for about a week in the middle of December. Brother intends to take us to the Castro with his girlfriend to go bar hopping. I'm inviting more friends haha. I find it kinda strange that Brother wants to bond more, but I guess that's good :3
Anyway, tonight, Harrison is taking me to the movies. Planning to watch The Muppets :D It's been a really long time since I've watched anything Muppet-related. Sadly, I also have a cold -___- Sniffly and congested. Rawr. Hope I feel better after a good night's rest, so that I can get at least one paper and half the exam done this weekend.
Uhh, I need to organize my thoughts better. But I won't. Not now. Now is time to focus on school and not dying from stress. Well, actually, now is time for the movies. Yay! It's been quite a while since I've been to the movies.
Just want to say to whoever's reading this: I miss y'all and I love y'all. Let's chill and catch up soon :)
Sunday, September 18, 2011
I've been abusing my free time...
Kinda. I said I shouldn't, but I can't help it. Sometimes, I just want to watch YouTube videos or sleep or just sit somewhere and do nothing.
School has been all right. I go to campus early usually and sit somewhere to read or complete crossword puzzles. My classes feel overwhelming, but I'm getting my work done. This weekend was dedicated to getting work done early. Though I haven't finished everything I wanted to do this weekend, I've gotten quite a few things done early, so that's good. I still need to get started on two or three papers; one of which is due on my birthday XP I still also have to start volunteering, but the place I told my prof I was going to volunteer at has not responded to me at all. So I need to find some time this week to go there and see what's going on.
Can't go to QTIP this semester because it starts at the same time as my Capstone class -.- I'm probably only going to Q&A every other week or so. I need to focus on getting my homework done. So slooowwww D8 I feel like my brain slowed down so much. I usually pick up speed in school pretty quickly after it starts, like a few days into the semester. But I'm already going into week 4 or 5, and I still don't feel like I'm keeping up ):
So today, the family went to T-Mobile to switch plans since our Verizon contract is done. Brother got a Samsung Galaxy. D, Mother, and I got touchscreen phones. D and Brother are using temporary phones while the store orders their phones.
I went on Facebook to state that people should text me or call me so that I have their phone numbers in my new phone, since I don't feel like transferring everything over and I don't talk to most of my contacts anyway. People who care shall let me know they want me to have their numbers XP Well, if they get the message haha.
In other news, I will no longer be using my Bose headphones O: It's been four amazing years with them. But I no longer have a strong fondness for them. They still work well, but I would rather have something cheaper and much more low-key. And smaller. I'm gonna use Mother's phone ear-headset that came with her new phone. She won't need it, and I don't care too much about sound quality as long as it doesn't sound like I'm listening to static. But the quality of the headset is actually pretty good. Family wants me to get actual headphones, but meh, we'll see. They said I should at least take Brother's headset when his phone comes in. We'll see.
But yes, you will probably no longer see me sporting those Bose headphones. Now, I will be sporting earbuds/phone headset hahaha. It's cool. I like "downgrading." I don't need hella expensive things to enjoy my life. I like small and simple :) I wish my family would let me make my life small and simple, but nooo, I have to keep up with the rest of society. And sure, I want to keep up with some things. But that's just some things, not everything.
Also, this way, I'm not wasting AAA batteries for the headphones. Nor will Brother, since he doesn't have as much time as I do to listen to music. I wonder when he would have time to use those headphones. Hmm...
Oh, so have you been checking out the news lately? Makes me sad. Though, I guess the news usually makes me sad anyway with all the violent deaths and stuff. Reno and West Virginia recently had one plane crash each during an airshow. Vintage WWII airplanes. A firefight between police and insurgents in Kabul. Michelle Le's body has been found near Sunol and Pleasanton. Cindy Nguyen was murdered in San Jose by a parolee who is still at large.
It seems I have at least one friend who knew Cindy, and Mother met her at least once about nine years ago.
September 11 was a week ago. Nothing majorly bad happened. Just people being extra cautious.
Not sure how much of a social life I am maintaining this semester. I want to, and I don't want to. I want to keep on top of my schoolwork, but I also want to hang out. Ahh, I suck at balancing my life ;-;
Harrison is gonna celebrate his birthday in October at a hotel. I would like to go to that, but I must figure out how I will go and come home without making Mother suspicious that I will be up to no good. Which I won't. I don't plan to do anything stupid. I don't plan to drink. I probably won't even stay for too long. I just wanna go and hang out for a bit. But I wouldn't be able to go home if everyone there gets drunk -_- Must figure out soon.
Queer Prom is gonna be the weekend after Harrison's party. I plan to go to that. But I must figure out where I'm spending the night or how I'll get home. Hmm... But I would like to dance with friends. It's been a while -nods-
Brother's birthday is the day after the dance. Must be home to celebrate with him. Well, unless he's celebrating with his friends instead.
Ok, time to get back to homework. Done with everything that's due the next two days. But I'd like to get more stuff done early.
Must get back to my nerdy, school-oriented self, if ever there was a self like that XD
School has been all right. I go to campus early usually and sit somewhere to read or complete crossword puzzles. My classes feel overwhelming, but I'm getting my work done. This weekend was dedicated to getting work done early. Though I haven't finished everything I wanted to do this weekend, I've gotten quite a few things done early, so that's good. I still need to get started on two or three papers; one of which is due on my birthday XP I still also have to start volunteering, but the place I told my prof I was going to volunteer at has not responded to me at all. So I need to find some time this week to go there and see what's going on.
Can't go to QTIP this semester because it starts at the same time as my Capstone class -.- I'm probably only going to Q&A every other week or so. I need to focus on getting my homework done. So slooowwww D8 I feel like my brain slowed down so much. I usually pick up speed in school pretty quickly after it starts, like a few days into the semester. But I'm already going into week 4 or 5, and I still don't feel like I'm keeping up ):
So today, the family went to T-Mobile to switch plans since our Verizon contract is done. Brother got a Samsung Galaxy. D, Mother, and I got touchscreen phones. D and Brother are using temporary phones while the store orders their phones.
I went on Facebook to state that people should text me or call me so that I have their phone numbers in my new phone, since I don't feel like transferring everything over and I don't talk to most of my contacts anyway. People who care shall let me know they want me to have their numbers XP Well, if they get the message haha.
In other news, I will no longer be using my Bose headphones O: It's been four amazing years with them. But I no longer have a strong fondness for them. They still work well, but I would rather have something cheaper and much more low-key. And smaller. I'm gonna use Mother's phone ear-headset that came with her new phone. She won't need it, and I don't care too much about sound quality as long as it doesn't sound like I'm listening to static. But the quality of the headset is actually pretty good. Family wants me to get actual headphones, but meh, we'll see. They said I should at least take Brother's headset when his phone comes in. We'll see.
But yes, you will probably no longer see me sporting those Bose headphones. Now, I will be sporting earbuds/phone headset hahaha. It's cool. I like "downgrading." I don't need hella expensive things to enjoy my life. I like small and simple :) I wish my family would let me make my life small and simple, but nooo, I have to keep up with the rest of society. And sure, I want to keep up with some things. But that's just some things, not everything.
Also, this way, I'm not wasting AAA batteries for the headphones. Nor will Brother, since he doesn't have as much time as I do to listen to music. I wonder when he would have time to use those headphones. Hmm...
Oh, so have you been checking out the news lately? Makes me sad. Though, I guess the news usually makes me sad anyway with all the violent deaths and stuff. Reno and West Virginia recently had one plane crash each during an airshow. Vintage WWII airplanes. A firefight between police and insurgents in Kabul. Michelle Le's body has been found near Sunol and Pleasanton. Cindy Nguyen was murdered in San Jose by a parolee who is still at large.
It seems I have at least one friend who knew Cindy, and Mother met her at least once about nine years ago.
September 11 was a week ago. Nothing majorly bad happened. Just people being extra cautious.
Not sure how much of a social life I am maintaining this semester. I want to, and I don't want to. I want to keep on top of my schoolwork, but I also want to hang out. Ahh, I suck at balancing my life ;-;
Harrison is gonna celebrate his birthday in October at a hotel. I would like to go to that, but I must figure out how I will go and come home without making Mother suspicious that I will be up to no good. Which I won't. I don't plan to do anything stupid. I don't plan to drink. I probably won't even stay for too long. I just wanna go and hang out for a bit. But I wouldn't be able to go home if everyone there gets drunk -_- Must figure out soon.
Queer Prom is gonna be the weekend after Harrison's party. I plan to go to that. But I must figure out where I'm spending the night or how I'll get home. Hmm... But I would like to dance with friends. It's been a while -nods-
Brother's birthday is the day after the dance. Must be home to celebrate with him. Well, unless he's celebrating with his friends instead.
Ok, time to get back to homework. Done with everything that's due the next two days. But I'd like to get more stuff done early.
Must get back to my nerdy, school-oriented self, if ever there was a self like that XD
Friday, August 26, 2011
2011 Fall Semester has started O:
Classes started Wednesday. I've been going to campus early. Get there at about 9:30. My classes don't start till noon on MW and 13h30 on TTh. I walked around both days looking for a nice bench to sit on, BUT THEY'RE ALL TAKEN -_- Even the shady grass areas are taken. So sad.
So many freshmen that they're taking up all the space. Nothing against freshmen, but there's just too many of them. 4000 accepted for this year. 48% more than a year ago.
But anyway, I've managed to find a few people to hang out with during most of my breaks. In the morning on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I can find Nancy T, my childhood friend. Though, she was offended (not really) when I introduced her as my friend to Albert B haha. She corrected me and said we were cousins. Albert got confused XD I guess we could be called cousins, since I call her dad "Uncle" :P
Waiting till people get their schedules set, so that I may stalk them better :P I only know of a few people who I can hang out with so far. But that's ok. As long as the school starts putting out newspaper on a regular basis, I'll be ok. Well, if I can find a nice bench to sit on. Worse comes to worse, I'll have to go to the library. But even the library is really crowded -_- Student Union is definitely crowded. LGBT Resource Center sounds good though. Haven't been into the new location in the portable yet. Will go there today maybe. Depends if Mother lets me.
Oh, last night, went to Crawdaddy after my Career Capstone class, which had lasted the whole period. I thought Myers-Lipton would let us out early, but no he didn't. So I made Autumn and me late to dinner. Brought Harrison along because he had come to campus to go home with me (class ends after dark, so I had asked him to accompany me, but forgot to tell him about the dinner).
At the restaurant, Kathleen, Elora, Elora's boyfriend Paul(?), Maggie, Maggie's cousin Camy, and Andrew were already there and had ordered food.
My stomach hurt a lot last night. So I couldn't eat much. Ate a bunch of french fries, which wasn't that smart on my part XP Drank Sierra Mist. I got two pounds of crawfish for me and Harrison. But I realized I couldn't eat it. So I let Harrison have all of it. Just means Harrison needs to pay for food next time we go out to eat together.
After dinner, I went straight home. Wish I could have gone to the hill with people, but I wasn't feeling well and Mother was angry at me -_- Even though, she had let me go to dinner.
I'm sad that Kat already left SJ this morning. Didn't get to hang out more. She's so busy and important, RAWR. When you're done with WorldMUN and Harvard, Kat, you should come back to SJ and hang out with me.
Hopefully, I can hang out with a few other people this weekend before they leave for school too (Maggie, Marie, and I dun remember who else). I can't believe Andrew is leaving SJ for Davis too. These past three years passed by, and I barely saw him. Now, he's leaving. There's so few of our old high school group left in SJ.
Anyway, back to school stuff. School already feels overwhelming. So much reading. I hope I can handle my classes. Just so much stuff that my profs have planned for this semester. For my capstone class (SOCI 181B), for the big project, I have to choose between joining a community action group (25 hours of volunteer work to change a public policy) and writing a paper about the experience, writing a major research paper on a community-based organization focused on changing public policy, and doing a 25-hour internship in a field I'm interested in and writing a paper about that experience. I'm probably gonna go for the internship one. I need some kind of work experience; I might as well try the third option.
I seriously need to organize my class stuff before I get confused about what I need to do when. I should probably stop by one of the fraternity/sorority tables to get a free planner XD
All of my classes seem fun or at least capable of teaching me things I'd like to learn. My Green Electronics class (ENGR 108) taught by Prof Jones is the first of its kind at SJSU. This is the first semester that they're teaching it. Awesome. My Gangs & Mobs class (SOCI 156) with Dexheimer seems interesting too. He is a chill, informal guy and a football fanatic who will not answer emails on Saturdays during college football season o_o I knew that though. Otherwise, he seems all right. He says "uh, uh, uh" a lot though. Was a little bit distracting. Nervous habit, maybe? If this class turns out to be good, I'm probably gonna take Dexheimer for Criminology (SOCI 153) and The Prison Community (SOCI 158) my last semester.
Both my Philosophy courses seem chill. Prof Vaidya for Ethical Theory (PHIL 132) seems to be a really laidback person. Lots of reading, tests, and papers, but he's willing to go over things again and again for people to understand. Prof Manning for Philosophy of Law (PHIL 155) is really nice and kinda silly. Also the department chair. Have to maintain journals for her class. One per reading, one reading per class. Sounds good. As long as I don't get lazy too soon. Which I kinda already have. Didn't start any of my homework this week -_- Not a good sign.
Anyway, school looks good. Crowded and hot, but good. Overwhelming, but that might just be because I'm not in school mode yet. Just a little setback.
Ok, gonna try to get most of my readings and questions done today. Gonna try to make the Q&A meeting in the afternoon. Gonna get more reading and journal stuff done. Look into internships and whatnot. I hope I last. I hope I'm just being pessimistic because I miss the crossword puzzles in the paper.
They put out a paper on Wednesday but not yesterday. So sad. I had nothing to do as I waited for my classes. Long morning breaks... I need crosswords O.o; -twitchtwitch-
I still can't believe graduation is less than a year away. I hope I figure out what I want to do by the end of this semester, so I can get started on preparations for post-grad.
Must work on time management too XD Should not abuse free time...
So many freshmen that they're taking up all the space. Nothing against freshmen, but there's just too many of them. 4000 accepted for this year. 48% more than a year ago.
But anyway, I've managed to find a few people to hang out with during most of my breaks. In the morning on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I can find Nancy T, my childhood friend. Though, she was offended (not really) when I introduced her as my friend to Albert B haha. She corrected me and said we were cousins. Albert got confused XD I guess we could be called cousins, since I call her dad "Uncle" :P
Waiting till people get their schedules set, so that I may stalk them better :P I only know of a few people who I can hang out with so far. But that's ok. As long as the school starts putting out newspaper on a regular basis, I'll be ok. Well, if I can find a nice bench to sit on. Worse comes to worse, I'll have to go to the library. But even the library is really crowded -_- Student Union is definitely crowded. LGBT Resource Center sounds good though. Haven't been into the new location in the portable yet. Will go there today maybe. Depends if Mother lets me.
Oh, last night, went to Crawdaddy after my Career Capstone class, which had lasted the whole period. I thought Myers-Lipton would let us out early, but no he didn't. So I made Autumn and me late to dinner. Brought Harrison along because he had come to campus to go home with me (class ends after dark, so I had asked him to accompany me, but forgot to tell him about the dinner).
At the restaurant, Kathleen, Elora, Elora's boyfriend Paul(?), Maggie, Maggie's cousin Camy, and Andrew were already there and had ordered food.
My stomach hurt a lot last night. So I couldn't eat much. Ate a bunch of french fries, which wasn't that smart on my part XP Drank Sierra Mist. I got two pounds of crawfish for me and Harrison. But I realized I couldn't eat it. So I let Harrison have all of it. Just means Harrison needs to pay for food next time we go out to eat together.
After dinner, I went straight home. Wish I could have gone to the hill with people, but I wasn't feeling well and Mother was angry at me -_- Even though, she had let me go to dinner.
I'm sad that Kat already left SJ this morning. Didn't get to hang out more. She's so busy and important, RAWR. When you're done with WorldMUN and Harvard, Kat, you should come back to SJ and hang out with me.
Hopefully, I can hang out with a few other people this weekend before they leave for school too (Maggie, Marie, and I dun remember who else). I can't believe Andrew is leaving SJ for Davis too. These past three years passed by, and I barely saw him. Now, he's leaving. There's so few of our old high school group left in SJ.
Anyway, back to school stuff. School already feels overwhelming. So much reading. I hope I can handle my classes. Just so much stuff that my profs have planned for this semester. For my capstone class (SOCI 181B), for the big project, I have to choose between joining a community action group (25 hours of volunteer work to change a public policy) and writing a paper about the experience, writing a major research paper on a community-based organization focused on changing public policy, and doing a 25-hour internship in a field I'm interested in and writing a paper about that experience. I'm probably gonna go for the internship one. I need some kind of work experience; I might as well try the third option.
I seriously need to organize my class stuff before I get confused about what I need to do when. I should probably stop by one of the fraternity/sorority tables to get a free planner XD
All of my classes seem fun or at least capable of teaching me things I'd like to learn. My Green Electronics class (ENGR 108) taught by Prof Jones is the first of its kind at SJSU. This is the first semester that they're teaching it. Awesome. My Gangs & Mobs class (SOCI 156) with Dexheimer seems interesting too. He is a chill, informal guy and a football fanatic who will not answer emails on Saturdays during college football season o_o I knew that though. Otherwise, he seems all right. He says "uh, uh, uh" a lot though. Was a little bit distracting. Nervous habit, maybe? If this class turns out to be good, I'm probably gonna take Dexheimer for Criminology (SOCI 153) and The Prison Community (SOCI 158) my last semester.
Both my Philosophy courses seem chill. Prof Vaidya for Ethical Theory (PHIL 132) seems to be a really laidback person. Lots of reading, tests, and papers, but he's willing to go over things again and again for people to understand. Prof Manning for Philosophy of Law (PHIL 155) is really nice and kinda silly. Also the department chair. Have to maintain journals for her class. One per reading, one reading per class. Sounds good. As long as I don't get lazy too soon. Which I kinda already have. Didn't start any of my homework this week -_- Not a good sign.
Anyway, school looks good. Crowded and hot, but good. Overwhelming, but that might just be because I'm not in school mode yet. Just a little setback.
Ok, gonna try to get most of my readings and questions done today. Gonna try to make the Q&A meeting in the afternoon. Gonna get more reading and journal stuff done. Look into internships and whatnot. I hope I last. I hope I'm just being pessimistic because I miss the crossword puzzles in the paper.
They put out a paper on Wednesday but not yesterday. So sad. I had nothing to do as I waited for my classes. Long morning breaks... I need crosswords O.o; -twitchtwitch-
I still can't believe graduation is less than a year away. I hope I figure out what I want to do by the end of this semester, so I can get started on preparations for post-grad.
Must work on time management too XD Should not abuse free time...
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Been busy/lazy
24.VII.2011
I'm just gonna give a brief overview kinda thing about the past week or so:
Last Friday, July 15, Harrison had his water fight with water balloons and stuff at the park next to Martin Murphy Middle School. Drove back and forth from his house to the park to transport kiddie pools and about 3k water balloons. I got stung on my foot by a bee before the fun got started. First bee sting I ever got. Rawr.
The water fight was fun. Lasted about an hour. Shiva and I were in it for less than that. Sorry, Shiva. Picking up water balloon pieces at the end was fun <_<
Next day, went searching for Shiva's necklaces because they were missing when we went to bed the night before. Searched the park. Search Harrison's house. As we were leaving Harrison's place, Shiva saw her necklaces on his lawn, thinking she saw a quarter instead XP Oh, the exhilaration we felt from that discovery haha.
Shiva left Sunday. I just waited at home for her call to make sure she got home safely.
The Wednesday and Thursday before, I don't really remember what I did. All I can remember was that Shiva had interviews those two days.
Can't remember what I did all this week. Thursday, I was invited to join Harrison, Jen, Marian, and Cathy to go to a park. I brought Autumn along.
^That's what I wrote a month ago and never finished. Can't really finish it now. I don't remember much of what happened since then.
Uhh, Marian and I drove down to SoCal to visit Shiva for a week :3 That was fun. Drove Marian's car. The Grapevine is fun to drive through. Traffic wasn't so bad. I think I'm patient enough for traffic in LA haha.
Went to the Getty Museum, Six Flags (you can ask Shiva for details since I'm sure she would love to share with you), the beach, and Little Tokyo. I'm already fuzzy on the details here and where else we might have gone. Sad.
School starts tomorrow. My last year of undergrad, woo! Starting it off with 15 units. Can't wait. Also quite a few friends from my past will be attending SJSU this Fall :) Joanna S, Nancy T, Sylvie D, KimVi T, etc etc. Awesome!
I hope school won't feel overcrowded this year. I kinda feel that already.
I'm probably gonna be free in the mornings before my classes. If I don't hang out with people or find an early-morning job, I'm probably gonna go back to my newspaper habits on a bench.
Anyway, I should get back to getting ready for school. My last year... So strange. Especially since I don't know if and when I'll be going to graduate school. We'll see where life takes me.
And I'll try to update more often again XD I've just been forgetful and lazy haha. Can't be like that when school starts though.
I'm just gonna give a brief overview kinda thing about the past week or so:
Last Friday, July 15, Harrison had his water fight with water balloons and stuff at the park next to Martin Murphy Middle School. Drove back and forth from his house to the park to transport kiddie pools and about 3k water balloons. I got stung on my foot by a bee before the fun got started. First bee sting I ever got. Rawr.
The water fight was fun. Lasted about an hour. Shiva and I were in it for less than that. Sorry, Shiva. Picking up water balloon pieces at the end was fun <_<
Next day, went searching for Shiva's necklaces because they were missing when we went to bed the night before. Searched the park. Search Harrison's house. As we were leaving Harrison's place, Shiva saw her necklaces on his lawn, thinking she saw a quarter instead XP Oh, the exhilaration we felt from that discovery haha.
Shiva left Sunday. I just waited at home for her call to make sure she got home safely.
The Wednesday and Thursday before, I don't really remember what I did. All I can remember was that Shiva had interviews those two days.
Can't remember what I did all this week. Thursday, I was invited to join Harrison, Jen, Marian, and Cathy to go to a park. I brought Autumn along.
^That's what I wrote a month ago and never finished. Can't really finish it now. I don't remember much of what happened since then.
Uhh, Marian and I drove down to SoCal to visit Shiva for a week :3 That was fun. Drove Marian's car. The Grapevine is fun to drive through. Traffic wasn't so bad. I think I'm patient enough for traffic in LA haha.
Went to the Getty Museum, Six Flags (you can ask Shiva for details since I'm sure she would love to share with you), the beach, and Little Tokyo. I'm already fuzzy on the details here and where else we might have gone. Sad.
School starts tomorrow. My last year of undergrad, woo! Starting it off with 15 units. Can't wait. Also quite a few friends from my past will be attending SJSU this Fall :) Joanna S, Nancy T, Sylvie D, KimVi T, etc etc. Awesome!
I hope school won't feel overcrowded this year. I kinda feel that already.
I'm probably gonna be free in the mornings before my classes. If I don't hang out with people or find an early-morning job, I'm probably gonna go back to my newspaper habits on a bench.
Anyway, I should get back to getting ready for school. My last year... So strange. Especially since I don't know if and when I'll be going to graduate school. We'll see where life takes me.
And I'll try to update more often again XD I've just been forgetful and lazy haha. Can't be like that when school starts though.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Happy Birthday, Shiva! Yaayyy!!!!
You're 22! Woohoo! :D
Anyway, the past few weeks have been a blur. I don't really remember too much /:
Wednesday, June 29, I went hiking with Albert, Steven F, Christine L, her younger brother Andy, Marian L, and Joanna L. I walked from my house to the start of the hill that leads up to IBM. Albert was supposed to meet me at the bottom and hike up with me. But he drove up the hill and came back for me later XD Drove me to the parking lot up the hill. We all went on a trail, which lasted about an hour. Got to know Steven a bit. Hadn't seen him since Lisa H's birthday lunch in our second semester of college. Anyway, Marian and Joanna kept falling behind on the hike because they are not "outdoorsy" people. Had to take several breaks for them to catch up. We stayed at the top of the hill for a while, admiring the view of the city, laughing about random stuff--like the giant ants that live on the hill and falling off the cliff because the fence isn't sturdy--and walking down memory lane to childhood.
After we walked down to the cars, Steven, Albert, and finally Christine competed to see who could access the Internet on their phones the fastest if at all in the hills. Christine won XD Albert and Steven had to check their jury duty statuses. Then we all went to Sweet Tomatoes down the road. Had a hearty meal XP I piled a bunch of salad stuff on my plate, while everyone else took small portions of salad <_< Had clam chowder because everyone else recommended it. Had different tasty bread. Got some jello (it's been a while since I've eaten American jello). Then frozen yogurt (but I think it was actually ice cream) on a cone. I was sooo full, but I had to get my money's worth. And it was worth it XD
This past Thursday evening, July 14, I went to the movies with Harrison who gave me a ride, Amy G, Lisa H, Albert, and Christine. Transformers 3... was ok. Overall, just eh. Parts of it were amazing though. Really good CG, especially in the battle scenes. Story was eh, but again certain parts of the storyline were really good. Acting and human characters were meh. I liked Epps' part, and that was really it. Most of the other characters annoyed me too much -_-
Got out of the movie after 23h00. Talked for a little while with everyone before parting ways. Had to go home soon because Mother would have freaked out if I didn't get home before midnight.
Friday... Mother had a car accident in the morning. Some guy in a Honda rear-ended the Murano in the right-turn lane... after they had both stopped for a while. Mother got his insurance policy cancellation notice but nothing else really. She told him that they should move their cars out of the street to not block traffic, but the guy drove off -_- Mother freaked out and called me when I was on my way out of the house. Told me to stay home so that I could call the police for her when she got home. Except I can't make a police report if she leaves the scene without getting any witnesses -_- But she came home, Harrison walked to my house, and I called our insurance company. Harrison waited a long time before I finally finished the call and we could leave. Mother drove us to the light rail.
I was irritated because Mother kept yelling at me like everything that happened this morning was my fault. If she had just calmly asked me to call the insurance company, I would have. But she didn't, so I was eager to get out of the house. And I think this is a waste of time. There's very little visible damage to the bumper. But the three or four scratches really set Mother off because "it's a new car." It's two years old, and cars eventually get minor damages after a while of driving. But no, she was furious that I even suggested that we let the matter go.
If I were in Mother's place, I would be furious that the guy drove off without giving all of his information, which luckily turned out to be on the letter he gave Mother. But no, Mother's furious that the guy lightly tapped the bumper. She started acting a bit racist, saying that Mexicans can't drive by the law and they always do shit to others without caring or whatever. I was pissed that she said any of that, and Harrison could kinda pick up what she was saying too ):
Anyway, this crap... grrr.. I have to go with Mother on Tuesday at 11h30 to some auto body shop to get an inspection to assess the damage, which really doesn't look like much. Harrison said it looked like it needed a $5 paint job, with which I agree. But of course, it's actually probably gonna cost at least $200 or something -___-
After all that hassle and arriving at campus, Harrison and I walked around and talked and stuff. We went job hunting as well. Checked out places around the campus, like Pizza My Heart, Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, and Gordon Biersch. Also took the light rail back toward Oakridge. Walked there from the light rail (and Harrison gave me a piggy back ride a part of the way). Went to Target so Harrison could buy a kiddie pool and a foam noodle for his water balloon fight next Friday. Also asked around to see if some stores were hiring. Then light rail to our stop near home. Walked for half an hour to Harrison's house. Tried to play with his kittens, but they were too cautious of me especially the black one (again? >: So sad). Sat and talked with Harrison for a bit. Then went home.
So the interesting thing about applying for jobs now is that most places only have online applications. Three or four of the places Harrison and I checked out told us that we had to print out the applications, fill them out, and turn them in. And two places had the actual physical applications on hand. So sad -_-
Saturday, I filled out some job applications because Shiva said she wouldn't talk to me until I got ten done ): I posted this on Facebook, and other people did not sympathize with me -_- Instead, they were proud of Shiva. Rawr.
Sunday, I was anticipating Shiva's return to San Jose :) She got to my house around 15h00. She got settled into my house, and then we went to Harrison's house to play with the kittens again XP I think Shiva just has a way with animals. The kittens allowed us to pet and rub them to sleep.
Then I drove Shiva and Harrison in Shiva's car to Stephanie S's house. Then Shiva and I switched. Drove downtown. Were a bit late. Parked in front of Los Gallos De Villa. Autumn called me and asked if I was there. I said I was almost there but told her to look for a tall Indian guy (Killol) and a Chinese girl (Marian) with glasses and a ponytail at Iguanas. I told her to talk to them XD Harrison and Shiva, meanwhile, were getting Horchata (mmm tasty). Walked to Iguanas. Hugged Autumn because it's been soooo long since I've seen her. She seems more carefree now, I guess haha.
We went into Iguanas and ordered our food. Sat outside in front of the store. Windy day. Food was good. Conversation was much better :D Stephanie's awkward and physically painful date, Marian's pigeon story, my obsession with "1000 Ways To Die," etc etc.
When Shiva went inside Iguanas for something, I took out the birthday gift that her friends and I made and put together. I didn't know how to surprise her with it, so I placed it on the table in front of her seat. Then Harrison covered it with his jacket XD When Shiva was back, she didn't take the jacket off. So Killol asked Harrison if he would like to take his jacket back XP Thus, Harrison unveiled the booklet on the table, and Shiva was pleasantly surprised :P She looked through the book and saw all the stuff that people made for her :) It was wonderful. Then she went around and gave everyone a hug :) I told her about some of the images being cut off because the guy who printed the pages enlarged the images without telling me that it would cut off the images. But it's ok. Shiva will get the digital copies. Also, I told her that everyone that went to the Vegetarian House dinner contributed to the book :) That was awesome :3
Harrison's friend, Margaret C, came late haha. Then we all went to Bijan Bakery because people were cold and they wanted to be inside. More conversation, plus overpriced sweets XP Killol was ecstatic when he finally found Shiva's ticklish spot hahaha. He also faced Marian's wrath for poking her and invading her personal space too much XP Poor guy got hit so many times Sunday night.
Then we all walked back to Shiva's car. Took group pictures and parted ways.
Monday, Shiva and I didn't have anything to do. So we got up kinda late. I had to pick up Brother and drive him to my house so that he could do his laundry. Shiva had to work on some profiles for all the places she's interviewing with this week. When we drove Brother back to his place, we called Harrison to see if we could come over. But he was not home ): So Shiva and I drove around. She asked me where I wanted to go, but I couldn't think of any place I wanted to go. She kept pressuring me XP So I directed her to a park that her GPS said was close by. But it was in a not-so-good neighborhood, so we left. Next, I directed her to Davis Middle School. I remember it had more trees years ago. Went to my old house on Skyway Drive next to Valley Christian. Then back to my current house. Actually, we drove up Bernal Road to IBM. Then parked in the parking lot of the county park. Then hiked halfway up the trail that I went on a little while back with Albert and our friends.
On the way up, I saw someone I hadn't talk to since I was little. Talked to her a bit, and then kept going up. Shiva and I saw dragonflies (they weren't there last time). Then we walked off the main trail toward the clifflike area so that Shiva could take a picture of the city. When we turned around to go back down, we saw deer :D Three of them! We slowly got closer to them, as Shiva took pictures. Then went back to her car. I slipped a little on the way <_<
But then we went home. Totally forgot to go to the bank and to go get slurpees ): I feel bad about that. I'm sorry I forgot, Shiva! Next year!
Today, Shiva has an interview. It was at 9h00, but while she was on her way there, they called and rescheduled for 14h45 -_- She was already halfway to Berkeley too. Woke up early just to get rescheduled. Rawr. Waiting for Shiva to come back now.
At 11 or so, I have to go with Mother to get the car inspected for damaged. Really not that much damage. I think the inspector may laugh on the inside a little when she sees what the damage is. I know I did.
Anyway, summer is going well enough. May drive up to Davis with Autumn one of these weekends to visit Maggie. Considering going to So Cal with Shiva when she goes back on Sunday. Must find a job though. Must buy textbooks soon too.
Rawr.
Anyway, the past few weeks have been a blur. I don't really remember too much /:
Wednesday, June 29, I went hiking with Albert, Steven F, Christine L, her younger brother Andy, Marian L, and Joanna L. I walked from my house to the start of the hill that leads up to IBM. Albert was supposed to meet me at the bottom and hike up with me. But he drove up the hill and came back for me later XD Drove me to the parking lot up the hill. We all went on a trail, which lasted about an hour. Got to know Steven a bit. Hadn't seen him since Lisa H's birthday lunch in our second semester of college. Anyway, Marian and Joanna kept falling behind on the hike because they are not "outdoorsy" people. Had to take several breaks for them to catch up. We stayed at the top of the hill for a while, admiring the view of the city, laughing about random stuff--like the giant ants that live on the hill and falling off the cliff because the fence isn't sturdy--and walking down memory lane to childhood.
After we walked down to the cars, Steven, Albert, and finally Christine competed to see who could access the Internet on their phones the fastest if at all in the hills. Christine won XD Albert and Steven had to check their jury duty statuses. Then we all went to Sweet Tomatoes down the road. Had a hearty meal XP I piled a bunch of salad stuff on my plate, while everyone else took small portions of salad <_< Had clam chowder because everyone else recommended it. Had different tasty bread. Got some jello (it's been a while since I've eaten American jello). Then frozen yogurt (but I think it was actually ice cream) on a cone. I was sooo full, but I had to get my money's worth. And it was worth it XD
This past Thursday evening, July 14, I went to the movies with Harrison who gave me a ride, Amy G, Lisa H, Albert, and Christine. Transformers 3... was ok. Overall, just eh. Parts of it were amazing though. Really good CG, especially in the battle scenes. Story was eh, but again certain parts of the storyline were really good. Acting and human characters were meh. I liked Epps' part, and that was really it. Most of the other characters annoyed me too much -_-
Got out of the movie after 23h00. Talked for a little while with everyone before parting ways. Had to go home soon because Mother would have freaked out if I didn't get home before midnight.
Friday... Mother had a car accident in the morning. Some guy in a Honda rear-ended the Murano in the right-turn lane... after they had both stopped for a while. Mother got his insurance policy cancellation notice but nothing else really. She told him that they should move their cars out of the street to not block traffic, but the guy drove off -_- Mother freaked out and called me when I was on my way out of the house. Told me to stay home so that I could call the police for her when she got home. Except I can't make a police report if she leaves the scene without getting any witnesses -_- But she came home, Harrison walked to my house, and I called our insurance company. Harrison waited a long time before I finally finished the call and we could leave. Mother drove us to the light rail.
I was irritated because Mother kept yelling at me like everything that happened this morning was my fault. If she had just calmly asked me to call the insurance company, I would have. But she didn't, so I was eager to get out of the house. And I think this is a waste of time. There's very little visible damage to the bumper. But the three or four scratches really set Mother off because "it's a new car." It's two years old, and cars eventually get minor damages after a while of driving. But no, she was furious that I even suggested that we let the matter go.
If I were in Mother's place, I would be furious that the guy drove off without giving all of his information, which luckily turned out to be on the letter he gave Mother. But no, Mother's furious that the guy lightly tapped the bumper. She started acting a bit racist, saying that Mexicans can't drive by the law and they always do shit to others without caring or whatever. I was pissed that she said any of that, and Harrison could kinda pick up what she was saying too ):
Anyway, this crap... grrr.. I have to go with Mother on Tuesday at 11h30 to some auto body shop to get an inspection to assess the damage, which really doesn't look like much. Harrison said it looked like it needed a $5 paint job, with which I agree. But of course, it's actually probably gonna cost at least $200 or something -___-
After all that hassle and arriving at campus, Harrison and I walked around and talked and stuff. We went job hunting as well. Checked out places around the campus, like Pizza My Heart, Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, and Gordon Biersch. Also took the light rail back toward Oakridge. Walked there from the light rail (and Harrison gave me a piggy back ride a part of the way). Went to Target so Harrison could buy a kiddie pool and a foam noodle for his water balloon fight next Friday. Also asked around to see if some stores were hiring. Then light rail to our stop near home. Walked for half an hour to Harrison's house. Tried to play with his kittens, but they were too cautious of me especially the black one (again? >: So sad). Sat and talked with Harrison for a bit. Then went home.
So the interesting thing about applying for jobs now is that most places only have online applications. Three or four of the places Harrison and I checked out told us that we had to print out the applications, fill them out, and turn them in. And two places had the actual physical applications on hand. So sad -_-
Saturday, I filled out some job applications because Shiva said she wouldn't talk to me until I got ten done ): I posted this on Facebook, and other people did not sympathize with me -_- Instead, they were proud of Shiva. Rawr.
Sunday, I was anticipating Shiva's return to San Jose :) She got to my house around 15h00. She got settled into my house, and then we went to Harrison's house to play with the kittens again XP I think Shiva just has a way with animals. The kittens allowed us to pet and rub them to sleep.
Then I drove Shiva and Harrison in Shiva's car to Stephanie S's house. Then Shiva and I switched. Drove downtown. Were a bit late. Parked in front of Los Gallos De Villa. Autumn called me and asked if I was there. I said I was almost there but told her to look for a tall Indian guy (Killol) and a Chinese girl (Marian) with glasses and a ponytail at Iguanas. I told her to talk to them XD Harrison and Shiva, meanwhile, were getting Horchata (mmm tasty). Walked to Iguanas. Hugged Autumn because it's been soooo long since I've seen her. She seems more carefree now, I guess haha.
We went into Iguanas and ordered our food. Sat outside in front of the store. Windy day. Food was good. Conversation was much better :D Stephanie's awkward and physically painful date, Marian's pigeon story, my obsession with "1000 Ways To Die," etc etc.
When Shiva went inside Iguanas for something, I took out the birthday gift that her friends and I made and put together. I didn't know how to surprise her with it, so I placed it on the table in front of her seat. Then Harrison covered it with his jacket XD When Shiva was back, she didn't take the jacket off. So Killol asked Harrison if he would like to take his jacket back XP Thus, Harrison unveiled the booklet on the table, and Shiva was pleasantly surprised :P She looked through the book and saw all the stuff that people made for her :) It was wonderful. Then she went around and gave everyone a hug :) I told her about some of the images being cut off because the guy who printed the pages enlarged the images without telling me that it would cut off the images. But it's ok. Shiva will get the digital copies. Also, I told her that everyone that went to the Vegetarian House dinner contributed to the book :) That was awesome :3
Harrison's friend, Margaret C, came late haha. Then we all went to Bijan Bakery because people were cold and they wanted to be inside. More conversation, plus overpriced sweets XP Killol was ecstatic when he finally found Shiva's ticklish spot hahaha. He also faced Marian's wrath for poking her and invading her personal space too much XP Poor guy got hit so many times Sunday night.
Then we all walked back to Shiva's car. Took group pictures and parted ways.
Monday, Shiva and I didn't have anything to do. So we got up kinda late. I had to pick up Brother and drive him to my house so that he could do his laundry. Shiva had to work on some profiles for all the places she's interviewing with this week. When we drove Brother back to his place, we called Harrison to see if we could come over. But he was not home ): So Shiva and I drove around. She asked me where I wanted to go, but I couldn't think of any place I wanted to go. She kept pressuring me XP So I directed her to a park that her GPS said was close by. But it was in a not-so-good neighborhood, so we left. Next, I directed her to Davis Middle School. I remember it had more trees years ago. Went to my old house on Skyway Drive next to Valley Christian. Then back to my current house. Actually, we drove up Bernal Road to IBM. Then parked in the parking lot of the county park. Then hiked halfway up the trail that I went on a little while back with Albert and our friends.
On the way up, I saw someone I hadn't talk to since I was little. Talked to her a bit, and then kept going up. Shiva and I saw dragonflies (they weren't there last time). Then we walked off the main trail toward the clifflike area so that Shiva could take a picture of the city. When we turned around to go back down, we saw deer :D Three of them! We slowly got closer to them, as Shiva took pictures. Then went back to her car. I slipped a little on the way <_<
But then we went home. Totally forgot to go to the bank and to go get slurpees ): I feel bad about that. I'm sorry I forgot, Shiva! Next year!
Today, Shiva has an interview. It was at 9h00, but while she was on her way there, they called and rescheduled for 14h45 -_- She was already halfway to Berkeley too. Woke up early just to get rescheduled. Rawr. Waiting for Shiva to come back now.
At 11 or so, I have to go with Mother to get the car inspected for damaged. Really not that much damage. I think the inspector may laugh on the inside a little when she sees what the damage is. I know I did.
Anyway, summer is going well enough. May drive up to Davis with Autumn one of these weekends to visit Maggie. Considering going to So Cal with Shiva when she goes back on Sunday. Must find a job though. Must buy textbooks soon too.
Rawr.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Shiva's Second Stay in San Jose
Shiva stayed at my house again from Sunday, June 19, to Friday, June 24. She went to her Orientation on that Monday. Tuesday, we went to Palo Alto for some Public Allies presentations. Then we went to the Human Society place in Milpitas. Played with kittens for a while :3 There was a grumpy kitten. It was his first day in there, and he had been dipped in sulfur to rid of worms. So his grumpiness was understandable. Shiva called him "El Groucho" XD I hope he's adapted well since.
Wednesday, June 22, Shiva and I visited Marian L. Brian L joined us. Shiva and Marian made brownies. Played a retro 8 bit PONG game (not sure what it's actually called) on Brian's laptop. He showed us his new mouse. A Razer something. Reminded me of the Batmobile :P Watched "Read or Die," the TV show. It was interesting. I want to continue watching it XD
Thursday, we tried to wake up early so that we could go to San Francisco to see more Public Allies presentations at the Asian Law Caucus. Missed the presentation that Shiva wanted to see at 9h00. We had left a bit too late, and there was a lot of traffic. Had trouble finding cheap parking. Found a garage that charged $3 an hour. Couldn't find any of the cheap flat rate ones (Saw one later as we were leaving -_-). Presentations were interesting. Much was about personal growth rather than what activities took place. Ate lunch at Lucky Creation Vegetarian Restaurant. Had trouble finding it because Shiva's GPS was acting up. Shared a meatless chicken curry or something. It was okay. Walked around Chinatown a little bit before returning to see more presentations. Didn't explore much because we didn't know where to go and I'm not much of an explorer <_<
When we were going to the car to leave, we had to pay first. Got charged $21 for parking for six hours and eleven minutes. Hoped that explaining that we had been in line waiting would take off the $3 for the eleven minutes. But no -_- Sad.
Then we went to the Castro. Took the longest time to find parking. Other people stole parking spots we did find XP But found one eventually, between two driveways. Went to the HRC store. Shiva bought dog tags like mine. Stuff in that store is so expensive <_< After, we walked around a little bit. I don't remember if we checked out any other stores >_> But we headed home around 8. Got home around 9.
Friday, woke up kinda late. Helped Shiva bring her stuff out to her car. Went to Harrison's house to play with his new kittens :3 Sooo adorable x3 Though, they were kinda afraid of us, especially the black one. The black one (Shiva shall call it Batman and the other Robin) pooped while it was in Harrison's hands because it was frightened of us. Used a phone cord to play with them. Need kitten toys XP Eventually, like half an hour before Shiva and I were supposed to leave. The kittens finally warmed up to us. Shiva just has a way with animals :3 The kittens fell asleep on Shiva's jacket XD We moved them to Harrison's bed.
Aww, such adorable kittens. I want kittens >w<
Shiva left kinda late in the day. 15h00. Mother wasn't happy about that <_< Scared that she'd get home too late, and her parents would get mad at her.
Shiva shall be back in less than two weeks :3 For more interview stuff. 58 candidates for 38-40 positions. But I'm confident that Shiva will get what she desires :)
Oh, Mother told me on Sunday, I think, that Shiva and I are so depressed when Shiva goes home. "You two act so gay together. You're not gay, are you? No gay. You should only be friends, ok?" >_> <_< >_> I didn't know what to say, so I backed away and left.
Anyway, yeah, not too much has been happening. Brother is starting his job at Honey Thai Restaurant on Friday :) Yay. Harrison and I need to go job hunting soon.
Ok, gotta gooo.
Wednesday, June 22, Shiva and I visited Marian L. Brian L joined us. Shiva and Marian made brownies. Played a retro 8 bit PONG game (not sure what it's actually called) on Brian's laptop. He showed us his new mouse. A Razer something. Reminded me of the Batmobile :P Watched "Read or Die," the TV show. It was interesting. I want to continue watching it XD
Thursday, we tried to wake up early so that we could go to San Francisco to see more Public Allies presentations at the Asian Law Caucus. Missed the presentation that Shiva wanted to see at 9h00. We had left a bit too late, and there was a lot of traffic. Had trouble finding cheap parking. Found a garage that charged $3 an hour. Couldn't find any of the cheap flat rate ones (Saw one later as we were leaving -_-). Presentations were interesting. Much was about personal growth rather than what activities took place. Ate lunch at Lucky Creation Vegetarian Restaurant. Had trouble finding it because Shiva's GPS was acting up. Shared a meatless chicken curry or something. It was okay. Walked around Chinatown a little bit before returning to see more presentations. Didn't explore much because we didn't know where to go and I'm not much of an explorer <_<
When we were going to the car to leave, we had to pay first. Got charged $21 for parking for six hours and eleven minutes. Hoped that explaining that we had been in line waiting would take off the $3 for the eleven minutes. But no -_- Sad.
Then we went to the Castro. Took the longest time to find parking. Other people stole parking spots we did find XP But found one eventually, between two driveways. Went to the HRC store. Shiva bought dog tags like mine. Stuff in that store is so expensive <_< After, we walked around a little bit. I don't remember if we checked out any other stores >_> But we headed home around 8. Got home around 9.
Friday, woke up kinda late. Helped Shiva bring her stuff out to her car. Went to Harrison's house to play with his new kittens :3 Sooo adorable x3 Though, they were kinda afraid of us, especially the black one. The black one (Shiva shall call it Batman and the other Robin) pooped while it was in Harrison's hands because it was frightened of us. Used a phone cord to play with them. Need kitten toys XP Eventually, like half an hour before Shiva and I were supposed to leave. The kittens finally warmed up to us. Shiva just has a way with animals :3 The kittens fell asleep on Shiva's jacket XD We moved them to Harrison's bed.
Aww, such adorable kittens. I want kittens >w<
Shiva left kinda late in the day. 15h00. Mother wasn't happy about that <_< Scared that she'd get home too late, and her parents would get mad at her.
Shiva shall be back in less than two weeks :3 For more interview stuff. 58 candidates for 38-40 positions. But I'm confident that Shiva will get what she desires :)
Oh, Mother told me on Sunday, I think, that Shiva and I are so depressed when Shiva goes home. "You two act so gay together. You're not gay, are you? No gay. You should only be friends, ok?" >_> <_< >_> I didn't know what to say, so I backed away and left.
Anyway, yeah, not too much has been happening. Brother is starting his job at Honey Thai Restaurant on Friday :) Yay. Harrison and I need to go job hunting soon.
Ok, gotta gooo.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Oakridge has changed a lot...
So today, Harrison picked me up and drove me to the SJ airport haha. He needed to meet up with his mom for a bit. Then we went to Oakridge to walk around and find a button-up shirt for him. Found one for $8 :D Yay. Also bought six bags of water balloons. 100 each, so that Harrison can finally have his 3000 water balloons for his water fight :D
Waited in front of Loving Hut for Maggie and Ariane. Maggie came late, and Ariane came later XD Got food from LH. Tasty stuff. Their drinks are pretty awesome too. LH is owned by the same person who owns Vegetarian House haha. Anyway, ate, drank, and talked. Ariel passed by and talked to us for a bit XD I hadn't seen him since high school. Then Jen L (Shiva's friend) joined us :D Harrison left the mall for a bit. Maggie saw Tuan. He's been working at Loving Hut, but I hadn't seen him in at least a year probably XD I talked to him for a bit--we shall hopefully hang out sometime this summer, maybe with Josh and Kevin. Must share our crazy stories and whatnot. That reminds me that Maggie shared stories about someone from high school. That person has become "psycho" in college, obsessed with getting laid and hella hypocritical shit. Just damn o_o;
After the food, Ariane, Maggie, Jen, Harrison, and I walked around the mall a bit. H&M is so big o_o Ariane, Maggie, and I left to go to Q-Cup, just like old times haha. On the way, we stopped in Forever 21. Ran into Diana from high school. Got caught up. She looked different. Must be her eyes XP
At Q-Cup, Maggie got Scoop O Mango (oh, memories XD), and Ariane got Lover's Fruit or something like that. Met up with Harrison and Jen again. Maggie and Ariane left at 6 ): Must hang out again and maybe do a sleepover :D
I followed Harrison and Jen around the mall. Target, Spencers. Then to Petco, in search of kitties. Except there were no kitties or even puppies ): But people brought their puppies in, so that was nice. Spent much of the time staring at snakes, lizards, frogs, tarantula, scorpions, chinchilla, hamsters, guinea pigs, mice, and rats. And their food XD The live worm things were creepy <_< They were trying to escape their containers :O
Went back to Target after. Ran into Amy :) Then home.
Today was fun :) Always great to hang out with friends from high school, especially after a long time of not seeing them. Like I hadn't seen Maggie since fall semester when she visited campus. And I hadn't seen Ariane since last summer, even though we live in the SAME CITY x_x She's just too busy for me hahaha. But yeah, I miss hanging out with her. We kept saying it's so sad that we live so close, yet we never rarely see each other. Only see each other when other people come back to SJ to hang out. Usually Maggie haha :D Btw, Oakridge has changed so much since we were in high school, like damn o_o
I want more days like today. That would be nice. There are a lot of people I would like to catch up with. Tuan, Kat, Alex, Le, Kristen, Robert, and others... So many people. Must (re)connect!
Anyway, floor installation stuff starts tomorrow, and the guy doing it wants to finish in two days instead of three. So I may have to work fast to move stuff around my house tomorrow -_- My room's not ready because I thought I wouldn't have to get stuff out of it yet. Grr. But hopefully everything will go well. I don't have too much stuff. But I do need to get stuff out of my drawers and whatnot. Argh. Must stay calm and cool and just get things done.
Rushing to finish this entry. Not too many details, sorry. Need to finish so that I can start unplugging the computer and store it in my room for tomorrow's work.
Waited in front of Loving Hut for Maggie and Ariane. Maggie came late, and Ariane came later XD Got food from LH. Tasty stuff. Their drinks are pretty awesome too. LH is owned by the same person who owns Vegetarian House haha. Anyway, ate, drank, and talked. Ariel passed by and talked to us for a bit XD I hadn't seen him since high school. Then Jen L (Shiva's friend) joined us :D Harrison left the mall for a bit. Maggie saw Tuan. He's been working at Loving Hut, but I hadn't seen him in at least a year probably XD I talked to him for a bit--we shall hopefully hang out sometime this summer, maybe with Josh and Kevin. Must share our crazy stories and whatnot. That reminds me that Maggie shared stories about someone from high school. That person has become "psycho" in college, obsessed with getting laid and hella hypocritical shit. Just damn o_o;
After the food, Ariane, Maggie, Jen, Harrison, and I walked around the mall a bit. H&M is so big o_o Ariane, Maggie, and I left to go to Q-Cup, just like old times haha. On the way, we stopped in Forever 21. Ran into Diana from high school. Got caught up. She looked different. Must be her eyes XP
At Q-Cup, Maggie got Scoop O Mango (oh, memories XD), and Ariane got Lover's Fruit or something like that. Met up with Harrison and Jen again. Maggie and Ariane left at 6 ): Must hang out again and maybe do a sleepover :D
I followed Harrison and Jen around the mall. Target, Spencers. Then to Petco, in search of kitties. Except there were no kitties or even puppies ): But people brought their puppies in, so that was nice. Spent much of the time staring at snakes, lizards, frogs, tarantula, scorpions, chinchilla, hamsters, guinea pigs, mice, and rats. And their food XD The live worm things were creepy <_< They were trying to escape their containers :O
Went back to Target after. Ran into Amy :) Then home.
Today was fun :) Always great to hang out with friends from high school, especially after a long time of not seeing them. Like I hadn't seen Maggie since fall semester when she visited campus. And I hadn't seen Ariane since last summer, even though we live in the SAME CITY x_x She's just too busy for me hahaha. But yeah, I miss hanging out with her. We kept saying it's so sad that we live so close, yet we never rarely see each other. Only see each other when other people come back to SJ to hang out. Usually Maggie haha :D Btw, Oakridge has changed so much since we were in high school, like damn o_o
I want more days like today. That would be nice. There are a lot of people I would like to catch up with. Tuan, Kat, Alex, Le, Kristen, Robert, and others... So many people. Must (re)connect!
Anyway, floor installation stuff starts tomorrow, and the guy doing it wants to finish in two days instead of three. So I may have to work fast to move stuff around my house tomorrow -_- My room's not ready because I thought I wouldn't have to get stuff out of it yet. Grr. But hopefully everything will go well. I don't have too much stuff. But I do need to get stuff out of my drawers and whatnot. Argh. Must stay calm and cool and just get things done.
Rushing to finish this entry. Not too many details, sorry. Need to finish so that I can start unplugging the computer and store it in my room for tomorrow's work.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Fall 2011 Class Schedule
I can't believe I'm gonna be going into my last year of undergrad next semester. It's crazy how fast time has gone by. I know I keep on saying that, but it feels so true. I know this past year has gone by really quickly.
But anyway, I just added my fifth class today because MySJSU lifted the 14-unit limit on my account. So now, I'm enrolled in 15 units for next semester :D
My new schedule:
Monday/Wednesday
1200-1315 PHIL 155 Philosophy of Law -- Manning
1330-1445 PHIL 132 Ethical Theory -- Vaidya
Tuesday/Thursday
0900-1015 SOCI 181B Sociology Career Capstone -- Ng
1330-1445 SOCI 156 Gangs & Mobs -- Dexheimer
1500-1615 ENGR 108 Green Electronics -- unknown
Yay. Five classes will be fun. Keep me busy a little bit. I wanted to get into the Physics of Animation one or a meteorology class, but they were all waitlisted. I'd be at Position 20 for both classes -_-
Anyway, yeah, fun stuff :P
I'd write more, but I have to drive Mother to Stockton today -_-
But I'm excited for next semester, I think. Maybe just because it's going to be my penultimate semester XP
But anyway, I just added my fifth class today because MySJSU lifted the 14-unit limit on my account. So now, I'm enrolled in 15 units for next semester :D
My new schedule:
Monday/Wednesday
1200-1315 PHIL 155 Philosophy of Law -- Manning
1330-1445 PHIL 132 Ethical Theory -- Vaidya
Tuesday/Thursday
0900-1015 SOCI 181B Sociology Career Capstone -- Ng
1330-1445 SOCI 156 Gangs & Mobs -- Dexheimer
1500-1615 ENGR 108 Green Electronics -- unknown
Yay. Five classes will be fun. Keep me busy a little bit. I wanted to get into the Physics of Animation one or a meteorology class, but they were all waitlisted. I'd be at Position 20 for both classes -_-
Anyway, yeah, fun stuff :P
I'd write more, but I have to drive Mother to Stockton today -_-
But I'm excited for next semester, I think. Maybe just because it's going to be my penultimate semester XP
Saturday, June 11, 2011
I Feel Like Less Than Dirt..
I fucked up again.
I keep on hurting someone I really care about.
Why do I fucking do that?
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.
I feel like such a big fuck-up.
She doesn't deserve any of this shit.
Why the fuck did I do this to her?
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I keep on hurting someone I really care about.
Why do I fucking do that?
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.
I feel like such a big fuck-up.
She doesn't deserve any of this shit.
Why the fuck did I do this to her?
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
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