Since anti-gay people continually demand that gay people should just change our minds and become straight because sexuality is so obviously a choice, what question should we ask of anti-gay folks to turn the tables? So far, I've heard pro-gay people ask, "Why don't you try to become gay?" Answers have been, of course, "I tried, and I just can't be gay," "No, I'm not a sinner, so I would never choose to go against God," other similar answers, and no answers. Pro-gay folks have also asked, "When did you decide to become straight?" Answers include: "... I guess I never really had to decide," "I've known I was straight since forever" (That doesn't answer when you decided to be straight), and "I've never thought about that before." I don't think I've ever heard anyone say, "I decided to be straight," unless they were coming from ex-gay therapy.
[Note: When I say "anti-gay," I mean to describe people who are against the existence of queers and queerness. Not to describe people who are cool with queers but don't support gay marriage; I have had friends who felt this way. It took me a short while to wrap my head around that way of thinking; I don't agree with it, but I understand it now.
I'm ok with my friends thinking like that. It doesn't affect me as much
as I thought it should have. That being said, what they think should
not (legally) dictate how I get to live my peaceful, harmless life haha.]
I think we should ask sexually straight people to try to become asexual. Why? Because asking them to become gay doesn't help us prove a point unless they're actually open to giving it a shot. Even if they think they do give it a try, because they are straight, they don't try very hard to experience the emotions or attraction and just believe they naturally make the "right decision." They have nothing to lose if they can't feel anything for the same
sex, while queers who desperately want to be "normal" do feel like they have everything to lose and will try their
fucking hardest to feel what they're "supposed" to feel. But when they don't feel it, they're "not trying hard enough." If straight people can't feel queer emotions or attractions, they can't explain their "decision," believe that they are making a choice (in the sense that gay does not feel like an option for them, just like straight doesn't feel like an option for queers), or believe that we are so abominable that we can go against the natural instinct of being straight--it feels like instinct to them.
Now, why ask straight people to try asexuality or ask them to try anything else at all? To make them see how ridiculously difficult their question is to answer and to provide evidence for. Being asexual is different from the norm and doesn't go against any religious beliefs and thus doesn't make them feel like they're sinning, so they can't try to throw that in our faces as an excuse to not try. When straight people say we can choose not to be gay, that's them saying we can choose not to be attracted to the same sex; so it should be true that straight people can simply choose not to be attracted to the opposite sex. Since they think it's a choice to be attracted to either sex, and we queers generally know they can't choose to be attracted to the same sex, I think it's fair to request that straight people attempt the same proposal to prove to us that it is possible for anyone, straight or queer, to make that choice. We could put them in a room full of sexually attractive members of the opposite sex and tell them not to notice their sexual attractiveness and not to feel sexual attraction whatsoever.
When a straight person tells me (to choose) not to be gay, this is the scenario that I think they want to see: They show me a female whom I find sexually attractive at that moment. At the snap of my fingers, I don't think she's sexually attractive at all anymore. I've chosen to find her non-attractive right then and there because I can.
If you tell anyone to do that, would that actually work? If someone said they could do that, I would think they were lying to me. But that's just because I can't believe them. I don't trust that they're telling me the truth. Just like anti-gay people wouldn't believe me if I said I tried to find a male person sexually attractive but couldn't. I probably wasn't trying hard enough. I think this just proves a question like "Why can't you choose to be straight/gay/asexual?" is ultimately a waste of time. Even if we all attempted to answer this question, the questioners wouldn't believe any answer or explanation that doesn't meet the standards that they set when they asked the question--the standards being there is only one right answer and there is no way to change my mind unless you can make me feel what you feel. But we can't really make others feel what they strongly don't want to feel. No adamantly anti-gay person is gonna seriously say, "Oh, I saw with my own eyes that you took me seriously and tried really hard to change. And I can see that you couldn't do it. I guess I am wrong, and you can't choose." No adamantly pro-gay person is gonna seriously say, "Oh, I saw with my own eyes that you took me seriously and didn't need to try that hard to change. I guess I am wrong, and you can choose."
"Why don't you choose to be gay?" is a nice, witty retort. It makes us feel good for a moment because we bested the opposition on that point. But it doesn't really get us anywhere closer to common ground, especially now that it seems to be used by pro-gay folks only as a witty retort and treated by anti-gay folks only as a trivial retort rather than an actual challenge that deserves some serious consideration.
Random: I've been told some anti-gay folks would prefer that gay people were asexual, so that we just would stop sinning and/or committing abhorrent sexual practices. Is this true? I thought they wanted us to be straight and make babies. Or simply burn in hell.
Another random: If homosexuality is as bad a sin as murder, and murderers who stop murdering generally aren't forgiven for their past crimes, are ex-gays unforgivable for their past gay crimes too? I mean, yeah, the one-time offenders may be forgiven, depending on the circumstances. But would forgiveness be granted to serial killers or mass murderers who supposedly repent? What about the serial gays who become ex-gays? The forgiveness that I'm talking about here isn't from God but from the people who judge the sinner. And "serial gays" could mean whatever you want it to mean.
Different topic: In general, I think it's easier for gay people to imagine being straight than for straight people to imagine being gay because we're inundated by heteronormative/straight behavior just about everywhere we go. Straight is generally the default setting; we believe we're straight
until some event, person, or moment makes us do a double take.
Most of the information about queer people that close-minded, straight people have tend to come from their own imagination; the stereotypes and beliefs about us come from very little exposure to actual queer people. I mean, queer people are exposed to straight people most of their lives; so we stereotype straight people, but we're aware that there are all types of straight people. There are nice ones and mean ones. It's the same in the queer community. But because of the lack of exposure, people generalize and leave it at that without taking the time to investigate their presumptions and to get to know individuals.
How I see things: Every person is a potential friend. When we judge another person before we get to know them and don't give them a chance to be a good part of our lives, we're reducing our lives' potential. Obviously, we run the risk of meeting not-nice people who aren't good for us. But sometimes, I think it's good to know firsthand who is good and who is bad for us.
Don't just assume a group of people can't add goodness to your life. All that potential will just go to waste. (I was going to make a physics analogy, but that's much too nerdy.)
I know that everything I've typed is based on sexual attraction rather than romantic attraction. It was just easier to simplify. Besides, romantic attraction is a whole other beast to tackle in regards to pro-gay versus anti-gay. Though, you can obviously substitute "romantic" for "sexual" in what I've got typed up there.
Romantic attraction is more emotional. I feel that trying to argue about emotions is even more fruitless than arguing about physical attraction. Physical attraction may be somewhat relatable and understandable just because it's considered to be an "animalistic" quality shared by all human beings. Romantic attraction isn't really considered in the same way; I don't know what descriptor fits romantic attraction. But to try to explain something so abstract, so personal, so individualized, is such a difficult task. No one can truly, without a doubt, understand what you feel. What you feel is what you feel; to get someone else to know exactly what you're feeling is so close to impossible. Even if you could, you don't know if they actually get it. You can only assume that they do when they say they do. To get anywhere close to that impossibility requires a large amount of empathy, which I tend to feel is very much lacking in these kinds of arguments.
Rawr.
I apologize for the randomness, rambling, and long-winded-ness. I was watching some The Young Turks clips on YouTube, and thoughts in my head started to bubble out. I was trying to catch them all before any of them hit the ground and were no good anymore haha. I missed a few though >:
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Third job?
Remember that job that I almost got with Randstad back in December/January? Well, now I've pretty much got it :) I should be starting sometime in the beginning of August.
Still in Mountain View. It will be one mile farther from home than KPI was and definitely farther than KSC was, but it's ok. With the wage I'll be getting, it kinda makes up for the increased cost of fuel. Hours will be 7AM to 3:30PM; so I'm happy about that. Two-year contract, so if I don't screw up in some strange way, I'll be all right for a while. I'll have to deal with not-too-bad morning traffic to Mountain View on 101. Going home will be fairly quick too, I think.
Casual work atmosphere allows me to wear jeans :D Yay! I can wear my button-ups without worrying about overheating. Yay, AC! I will actually look forward to going to work because I won't overheat, I'll be able to listen to my music, and I'm more likely to be around people I could connect to (you know, if I decide to talk to anyone haha).
Now, I just have to submit forms and whatnot and wait about another week and a half to start.
Though, supposedly, some recruiter wants to interview me next week for a data entry job in San Jose, except they haven't contacted me yet with details about anything. All I know is it would probably be much closer to home, and the wage is $15 per hour. But it's all good. I've got a job waiting to start. If I get the job in SJ, and it actually matches the job description, I'll switch for the closer job. But for now, working in Mountain View will be awesome. It could encourage me to finally move out of San Jose.
I've noticed that all of the jobs I've ever had have been located around San Jose but never in it. I suppose I have a somewhat long-term either-or goal: Either get a job in San Jose so it's close to home or continue working outside of San Jose and eventually move out of here. We'll see what happens.
Oh yeah, I think I might try to find a part-time evening or weekend job, just to help bring in a little more money. After next month's rent, I'm gonna be low on funds for a short while, but I need to help out my family. Not sure how I'll pull that off yet. If you hear of any part-time work I could do after 4PM on weekdays or anytime on the weekends, please let me know :)
Btw, Brother got himself into a jail release program. Early release if heworks for free (Edit: takes a seven-hour class on how to improve his life situation and get his life together). Basically an alternative to incarceration. So he got out yesterday afternoon, I had dinner with him and Karina yesterday evening, and then he started his full-time job (Edit: class) at the Sheriff's this morning at 8. I dropped him off, and I have to go pick him up now.
It's interesting how life goes sometimes. Sometimes it's predictable, and other times I wonder if life just pretends to be predictable.
Still in Mountain View. It will be one mile farther from home than KPI was and definitely farther than KSC was, but it's ok. With the wage I'll be getting, it kinda makes up for the increased cost of fuel. Hours will be 7AM to 3:30PM; so I'm happy about that. Two-year contract, so if I don't screw up in some strange way, I'll be all right for a while. I'll have to deal with not-too-bad morning traffic to Mountain View on 101. Going home will be fairly quick too, I think.
Casual work atmosphere allows me to wear jeans :D Yay! I can wear my button-ups without worrying about overheating. Yay, AC! I will actually look forward to going to work because I won't overheat, I'll be able to listen to my music, and I'm more likely to be around people I could connect to (you know, if I decide to talk to anyone haha).
Now, I just have to submit forms and whatnot and wait about another week and a half to start.
Though, supposedly, some recruiter wants to interview me next week for a data entry job in San Jose, except they haven't contacted me yet with details about anything. All I know is it would probably be much closer to home, and the wage is $15 per hour. But it's all good. I've got a job waiting to start. If I get the job in SJ, and it actually matches the job description, I'll switch for the closer job. But for now, working in Mountain View will be awesome. It could encourage me to finally move out of San Jose.
I've noticed that all of the jobs I've ever had have been located around San Jose but never in it. I suppose I have a somewhat long-term either-or goal: Either get a job in San Jose so it's close to home or continue working outside of San Jose and eventually move out of here. We'll see what happens.
Oh yeah, I think I might try to find a part-time evening or weekend job, just to help bring in a little more money. After next month's rent, I'm gonna be low on funds for a short while, but I need to help out my family. Not sure how I'll pull that off yet. If you hear of any part-time work I could do after 4PM on weekdays or anytime on the weekends, please let me know :)
Btw, Brother got himself into a jail release program. Early release if he
It's interesting how life goes sometimes. Sometimes it's predictable, and other times I wonder if life just pretends to be predictable.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Is this the first time I've given up on something?
Tuesday night, I quit my job by email. Not how I wanted to quit. Well, I didn't want to quit. But I couldn't handle my stress; I actually ended up crying at work. I felt so pathetic. But I knew I wasn't going to be happy there, and I knew I would always be stressed if they didn't give me some training because I felt like I wasn't catching up where it was necessary. I made so many mistakes, and the only time I would know would be when they told me I did something wrong. They would tell me what was wrong and kinda tell me how to avoid making that mistake.
I was getting the what-to-do's of my job, but I wasn't necessarily understanding the how's. And definitely not the why's. And there really weren't many explanations for my job; it was less show, more tell. Because I didn't understand why I was doing certain things, I didn't always know when I should do them.
They held me responsible for things that I know I should be responsible for, but they had to understand I was still new to the job and I didn't know where everything was yet. Missing or misplaced hard drives and chassis. I didn't touch those particular parts; they had gone missing from Johnny's time in inventory. I know this because I did the physical inventory count on his last day and noted that those particular items were missing. But since he wasn't there anymore, I was responsible; they told me I had to find out what happened to the parts, but I didn't know how I was supposed to find out. If the people who have worked there for years don't know how to find out (and they had done my job before), how I am to know?
I need some guidance because I had zero experience.
The fact that inventory was only partly organized and all over the place made it difficult for me to track and find parts, especially the motherboards and chassis. Give me time to figure where everything is? Please stop moving the parts around without letting me know. But that happened, and I was held responsible when other people moved our parts without my knowledge. At least write it down on the note cards for me, or even just leave me a note on my desk. Why was I solely holding responsibility for the inventory when anyone else could go into inventory and take what they need? I couldn't always be in the inventory rooms. I had many places to be: my desk, main inventory room, second inventory room, third inventory room, Production (which was very large), back of warehouse, and front office.
Mainly I was just overwhelmed by how many responsibilities I had going in. Receiving, scanning, picking, counting, submitting RMAs, returning RMAs, updating information in the RMA software, emailing manufacturers about RMAs, adjusting sales order items, packaging, tracking things down. Because I was new to all of these responsibilities, I should have been eased into some of them. At the least, there should have been some thorough training and maybe a list of what my priorities should have been. I mean, after all, I was expecting to do assembly work because that's where my strongest skills lie; and there's not that much variety in assembly.
I wish I wasn't complaining about the company, but I just didn't fit in that work environment and the work environment didn't fit me. I would rather quit and use my time to find other work that suits me. So I'm hoping everything will work out. I know I could do the job I had, but only with proper training. Please explain to me why I'm doing something; so in the future, when I run into that reason, I know what to do next.
Blah. I felt so pathetic quitting the job, but I'm weaksauce when it comes to stress. Stressors from work and family built up too much. Can't quit family, so gotta quit the job. Haven't told my family. Hoping I won't have to.
I was offered a temp data entry job with Randstad, the same one from December. I just need to resubmit some forms that they'll email me. Hopefully, this job won't fall through this time. Yeah, still $10 an hour, but it's cool; I don't really drive around much. No overtime at Randstad either, I think; though, I don't think this last job paid me for overtime; either that, or they withheld a lot more of my pay than I expected. Anyway, Randstad job is in Mountain View, a mile and a half farther away from home than my old job in Fremont.
I really miss my job in Fremont. I miss my coworkers the most. They treated me like family; it was nice.
I've been applying to jobs on Craigslist and Snagajob nonstop. C'mon, data entry jobs, get back to me.
I just want a job with some training. Good on-the-job training that prepares me well. I mean, I know if I got a job where my mechanical skills came into use, training would be easier. If I get another office job, training might have to be a little more intensive and structured for me because of the multitasking that's involved.
I'm giving myself about two or so weeks to secure a job before I decide my family needs to know I don't have a job. This is so fun.
Oh yeah, Brother went to jail on Tuesday too. I didn't think it would affect me so much, but that thought affected me the whole day. I wasn't expecting it to have such an impact on me because I feel like it didn't really before. Maybe because I see the improvement he's made in his life and the fact that he's going to be a father to a little girl, I have hope that this will be the last time he seriously messes up.
Ah, I'm just a well of emotion this week.
I was getting the what-to-do's of my job, but I wasn't necessarily understanding the how's. And definitely not the why's. And there really weren't many explanations for my job; it was less show, more tell. Because I didn't understand why I was doing certain things, I didn't always know when I should do them.
They held me responsible for things that I know I should be responsible for, but they had to understand I was still new to the job and I didn't know where everything was yet. Missing or misplaced hard drives and chassis. I didn't touch those particular parts; they had gone missing from Johnny's time in inventory. I know this because I did the physical inventory count on his last day and noted that those particular items were missing. But since he wasn't there anymore, I was responsible; they told me I had to find out what happened to the parts, but I didn't know how I was supposed to find out. If the people who have worked there for years don't know how to find out (and they had done my job before), how I am to know?
I need some guidance because I had zero experience.
The fact that inventory was only partly organized and all over the place made it difficult for me to track and find parts, especially the motherboards and chassis. Give me time to figure where everything is? Please stop moving the parts around without letting me know. But that happened, and I was held responsible when other people moved our parts without my knowledge. At least write it down on the note cards for me, or even just leave me a note on my desk. Why was I solely holding responsibility for the inventory when anyone else could go into inventory and take what they need? I couldn't always be in the inventory rooms. I had many places to be: my desk, main inventory room, second inventory room, third inventory room, Production (which was very large), back of warehouse, and front office.
Mainly I was just overwhelmed by how many responsibilities I had going in. Receiving, scanning, picking, counting, submitting RMAs, returning RMAs, updating information in the RMA software, emailing manufacturers about RMAs, adjusting sales order items, packaging, tracking things down. Because I was new to all of these responsibilities, I should have been eased into some of them. At the least, there should have been some thorough training and maybe a list of what my priorities should have been. I mean, after all, I was expecting to do assembly work because that's where my strongest skills lie; and there's not that much variety in assembly.
I wish I wasn't complaining about the company, but I just didn't fit in that work environment and the work environment didn't fit me. I would rather quit and use my time to find other work that suits me. So I'm hoping everything will work out. I know I could do the job I had, but only with proper training. Please explain to me why I'm doing something; so in the future, when I run into that reason, I know what to do next.
Blah. I felt so pathetic quitting the job, but I'm weaksauce when it comes to stress. Stressors from work and family built up too much. Can't quit family, so gotta quit the job. Haven't told my family. Hoping I won't have to.
I was offered a temp data entry job with Randstad, the same one from December. I just need to resubmit some forms that they'll email me. Hopefully, this job won't fall through this time. Yeah, still $10 an hour, but it's cool; I don't really drive around much. No overtime at Randstad either, I think; though, I don't think this last job paid me for overtime; either that, or they withheld a lot more of my pay than I expected. Anyway, Randstad job is in Mountain View, a mile and a half farther away from home than my old job in Fremont.
I really miss my job in Fremont. I miss my coworkers the most. They treated me like family; it was nice.
I've been applying to jobs on Craigslist and Snagajob nonstop. C'mon, data entry jobs, get back to me.
I just want a job with some training. Good on-the-job training that prepares me well. I mean, I know if I got a job where my mechanical skills came into use, training would be easier. If I get another office job, training might have to be a little more intensive and structured for me because of the multitasking that's involved.
I'm giving myself about two or so weeks to secure a job before I decide my family needs to know I don't have a job. This is so fun.
Oh yeah, Brother went to jail on Tuesday too. I didn't think it would affect me so much, but that thought affected me the whole day. I wasn't expecting it to have such an impact on me because I feel like it didn't really before. Maybe because I see the improvement he's made in his life and the fact that he's going to be a father to a little girl, I have hope that this will be the last time he seriously messes up.
Ah, I'm just a well of emotion this week.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Mission Peak and Natural Bridges State Beach
Saturday: MIssion Peak hike with Shiva, Mai, Phil, Amy, and Paul. I thought we were going to take the easier route, but we did not. We used the Stanford Avenue entrance. Steep climb. Bad breathing. Weak left knee. It was all bad. I had to take a break every ten minutes or so. I wanted to give up after about twenty minutes, but I pushed myself past the pain and exhaustion. I think about halfway up the mountain, I started feeling better and took fewer breaks. Finished the ascent in one hour and fifty minutes :D
We took an alternate route down because Phil said it would be easier. It definitely was not. Some parts of the trail were super steep. At one point, Shiva fell >: Luckily, she fell back instead of forward. Then it was my turn to fall. I was slowly stepping down sideways. I decided to take a few steps at a time but gained too much momentum, propelling myself forward until I tripped and fell. Unfortunately, I fell harder on my bad knee and also kinda threw out my left shoulder. But I got up and continued. We finished the descent in one hour and forty minutes. Well, Paul and Amy left without us because they had places to go.
Exhausted and hungry, the rest of us went to eat at Green Cafe in Milpitas. Good pho. Then I was happy to go home, shower, and rest haha.
Sunday: Natural Bridges beach with Shiva. Small beach. Smaller than I remembered from second grade haha. Granted, I was a small child, so everything else looked big. Arrived there around 3PM, but it was kinda cold. Overcast. Breezy. Sand was warm. Water was freezing. Shiva didn't get to boogie-board >: But the waves did get her at the shins. Other than that, we just chilled on the sand and talked about random stuff. (Her birthday is coming up soooon O: She's gonna turn 24! And then she's leaving for law school!) We stayed for almost two hours. Eventually got too chilly, so we headed back to SJ.
Details are lost because I'm exhausted. I need sleep. Rawr.
We took an alternate route down because Phil said it would be easier. It definitely was not. Some parts of the trail were super steep. At one point, Shiva fell >: Luckily, she fell back instead of forward. Then it was my turn to fall. I was slowly stepping down sideways. I decided to take a few steps at a time but gained too much momentum, propelling myself forward until I tripped and fell. Unfortunately, I fell harder on my bad knee and also kinda threw out my left shoulder. But I got up and continued. We finished the descent in one hour and forty minutes. Well, Paul and Amy left without us because they had places to go.
Exhausted and hungry, the rest of us went to eat at Green Cafe in Milpitas. Good pho. Then I was happy to go home, shower, and rest haha.
Sunday: Natural Bridges beach with Shiva. Small beach. Smaller than I remembered from second grade haha. Granted, I was a small child, so everything else looked big. Arrived there around 3PM, but it was kinda cold. Overcast. Breezy. Sand was warm. Water was freezing. Shiva didn't get to boogie-board >: But the waves did get her at the shins. Other than that, we just chilled on the sand and talked about random stuff. (Her birthday is coming up soooon O: She's gonna turn 24! And then she's leaving for law school!) We stayed for almost two hours. Eventually got too chilly, so we headed back to SJ.
Details are lost because I'm exhausted. I need sleep. Rawr.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
SF Pride and Second week at KSC
Pride was this past weekend. I got to enjoy my Saturday there with Shiva, Mai, Ash, Harrison, and a new friend, Theresa (or is it Teresa?). Basically, we just walked around all day. I think the only times we sat down were on the BART and during dinner at KPOP.
We tried to make the start of the Dyke March, but we just barely missed the Dykes on Bikes. Followed the march all the way to Castro. Met up with Matt, Nick, and their friends for a short bit. Went to dinner, where Harrison joined us. I tried Korean beer. Hite. It was not bad. Tried some soju for the first time too. Not my fave; the alcohol is strong. Afterward, walked to Lexington. I was super tired. Yawning every minute. Ash paid attention and kept pointing it out haha.
I like Pride. But there are so many people... I don't know why I continue to want to come back. So many people. Also, every time I go to Pride, I always say I want to have a partner to go to the next Pride with me. Never happened. Never going to happen >: Haha.
Oh, Karina told me her new coworker went to Pride. The coworker said so many fights broke out at Pride that she and her friends just decided to go home where it was safer. Don't know if the fights were event-related or not. Also, there were straight guys at Pride that were going around calling other guys "faggots" and talking trash about them. Supposedly, someone got in their faces about that. The coworker left before she saw what became of this altercation.
I somehow missed all this negative energy. Kinda glad. But also sad that any of this would be happening at all at Pride. Our safe space is being invaded by idiots.
Anyway, work has been ok. Monday was super tough on me. I was on my own. No Johnny to guide me. However, he had sent an email to all of us with his last messages about work and some advice. It kinda helped me. I was still struggling though. I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing when I finished a task. So I spent most of my time sitting at my desk, reading online about the various parts that we buy and the products we sell, educating myself a little.
I think I've pretty much got everything down except the RMA stuff. I never quite know which RMA to do and to which manufacturer I must submit the request. So I've asked a lot of questions. I get quick answers, vague answers, I-don't-know answers, and answers I just don't understand or can't follow. I think it's the language barrier. Chinese as their primary language, English as their secondary or tertiary. So how some coworkers explain things doesn't help me understand the answer. But I can't keep asking because everyone's pretty busy.
So Monday was hard because I felt like I wasn't doing anything right, I wasn't going to do anything right, I couldn't keep up, and I couldn't understand the what, how, or why of my job. It all culminated in me feeling completely inadequate and incompetent. I was on the verge of tears at work because I felt all this pressure to do everything right. So overwhelmed by the amount of responsibility placed on me. I wanted to quit already.
Felt like that all day. Even after work, well into the night. I really wanted to just quit so that the responsibilities wouldn't rest on me anymore. That was my emotional side. My logical side told me that I was just irritable because of the unbearable heat. Home is super hot, and work is super hot. I'm just sweating all day. The only times I'm cool enough are on the drive to and from work and in the shower. Once I step out of my car or bathroom, I immediately start sweating from the heat. And if you know me, you know I don't like hot weather. I can't handle it very well.
So yeah, my logical side guessed that if I had started this job in the winter, I probably wouldn't feel this negatively about everything going on at work. I also reasoned that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I've never had this much responsibility for anything, so it should take some getting used to. After all, I had applied to be an assembler, not an inventory clerk or RMA associate. Assembly doesn't require as many responsibilities. So it is understandable that I feel overwhelmed by everything that I have to learn in a short amount of time. With little training. Actually, there's no training. They tell me to do something. If I can't figure it out, I ask people questions until someone shows me or I ask enough questions. Then I make mistakes, and someone corrects me. And I hopefully don't make more of the same mistakes.
I'm getting past my moments of hopelessness and negativity. I'll continue to get past them. I'll get better at it, or they'll just stop coming at me. Either way, I know I can succeed if I persist. Just gotta remind myself of that, and everything will be all right :)
Tuesday was better, and today was definitely better. Work has slowed down a little bit. Or rather it's backed up at the beginning of the day, evens out during the middle, and slows to a snail's pace at the end. I'm slowly starting to make small, casual conversation with a few coworkers. I don't feel too much like an outsider anymore. (They're also hiring more Vietnamese people, so I'm not one of two but one of four haha.)
I had about three hours of down time at the end of my day today. There was nothing to do, and no one needed my assistance. I could have spent three hours just being lazy. But instead, I started typing up the procedural steps to my job responsibilities, at least the ones that I'm somewhat comfortable with. At first, it was just so I could have something to refer to and to use as a reminder. Then I changed my mind and decided to make it so that the next person to do my job will have an outline for everything they need to learn. I wish I had an outline or job handbook or something to help me out. But I don't. And I still don't know everything about my job. So I'm making the outlines from what I know and remember. Receiving, inventory, purchase orders, and sales orders are the easiest to remember, so I typed that all out first. Then storage of CPUs and memory. Next is printing. I'll probably add in shipping. RMA will probably be last because I still don't know it well enough.
I figure that if I can write a decent outline of the responsibilities and tasks, that means I actually know and understand what I'm doing. Hopefully, I won't forget any important details. And it will be something good and useful for the next person. But I would probably have to train the next person. If I don't though, they'll have my notes haha.
Do I feel like I'll stay with this company for a long time? Probably not. I mean my desire to quit is pretty weak now. I'm starting to get things right. But I don't feel like I fit well with the company. Like I said before, the people are nice. But the company itself doesn't mesh with me. Few reasons: no AC--I'm dying in there; no training--I feel quite unprepared for a lot of things; little organization--things feel like they're all over the place.
Oh, and since I'm responsible for inventory, anything that's missing will be my fault. We're missing a few things; or rather my physical count did not match Quickbooks. That's on me, even though this stuff went missing before Johnny left. (I did the count when he was still working.) Meh. I'll argue my case if I have to.
So yeah, that's work. I have lots more to say, but I can't remember anymore and I really should be sleeping...
It's Fourth of July weekend. Four-day weekend! I can rest! So tired. Still need to do chores--laundry, dusting, sweeping, mopping, etc. Maybe after, I'll do fun things with people. Oh, and finish what I can of the outlines. Hope I can remember everything.
Anyway, huzzah! :P
We tried to make the start of the Dyke March, but we just barely missed the Dykes on Bikes. Followed the march all the way to Castro. Met up with Matt, Nick, and their friends for a short bit. Went to dinner, where Harrison joined us. I tried Korean beer. Hite. It was not bad. Tried some soju for the first time too. Not my fave; the alcohol is strong. Afterward, walked to Lexington. I was super tired. Yawning every minute. Ash paid attention and kept pointing it out haha.
I like Pride. But there are so many people... I don't know why I continue to want to come back. So many people. Also, every time I go to Pride, I always say I want to have a partner to go to the next Pride with me. Never happened. Never going to happen >: Haha.
Oh, Karina told me her new coworker went to Pride. The coworker said so many fights broke out at Pride that she and her friends just decided to go home where it was safer. Don't know if the fights were event-related or not. Also, there were straight guys at Pride that were going around calling other guys "faggots" and talking trash about them. Supposedly, someone got in their faces about that. The coworker left before she saw what became of this altercation.
I somehow missed all this negative energy. Kinda glad. But also sad that any of this would be happening at all at Pride. Our safe space is being invaded by idiots.
Anyway, work has been ok. Monday was super tough on me. I was on my own. No Johnny to guide me. However, he had sent an email to all of us with his last messages about work and some advice. It kinda helped me. I was still struggling though. I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing when I finished a task. So I spent most of my time sitting at my desk, reading online about the various parts that we buy and the products we sell, educating myself a little.
I think I've pretty much got everything down except the RMA stuff. I never quite know which RMA to do and to which manufacturer I must submit the request. So I've asked a lot of questions. I get quick answers, vague answers, I-don't-know answers, and answers I just don't understand or can't follow. I think it's the language barrier. Chinese as their primary language, English as their secondary or tertiary. So how some coworkers explain things doesn't help me understand the answer. But I can't keep asking because everyone's pretty busy.
So Monday was hard because I felt like I wasn't doing anything right, I wasn't going to do anything right, I couldn't keep up, and I couldn't understand the what, how, or why of my job. It all culminated in me feeling completely inadequate and incompetent. I was on the verge of tears at work because I felt all this pressure to do everything right. So overwhelmed by the amount of responsibility placed on me. I wanted to quit already.
Felt like that all day. Even after work, well into the night. I really wanted to just quit so that the responsibilities wouldn't rest on me anymore. That was my emotional side. My logical side told me that I was just irritable because of the unbearable heat. Home is super hot, and work is super hot. I'm just sweating all day. The only times I'm cool enough are on the drive to and from work and in the shower. Once I step out of my car or bathroom, I immediately start sweating from the heat. And if you know me, you know I don't like hot weather. I can't handle it very well.
So yeah, my logical side guessed that if I had started this job in the winter, I probably wouldn't feel this negatively about everything going on at work. I also reasoned that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I've never had this much responsibility for anything, so it should take some getting used to. After all, I had applied to be an assembler, not an inventory clerk or RMA associate. Assembly doesn't require as many responsibilities. So it is understandable that I feel overwhelmed by everything that I have to learn in a short amount of time. With little training. Actually, there's no training. They tell me to do something. If I can't figure it out, I ask people questions until someone shows me or I ask enough questions. Then I make mistakes, and someone corrects me. And I hopefully don't make more of the same mistakes.
I'm getting past my moments of hopelessness and negativity. I'll continue to get past them. I'll get better at it, or they'll just stop coming at me. Either way, I know I can succeed if I persist. Just gotta remind myself of that, and everything will be all right :)
Tuesday was better, and today was definitely better. Work has slowed down a little bit. Or rather it's backed up at the beginning of the day, evens out during the middle, and slows to a snail's pace at the end. I'm slowly starting to make small, casual conversation with a few coworkers. I don't feel too much like an outsider anymore. (They're also hiring more Vietnamese people, so I'm not one of two but one of four haha.)
I had about three hours of down time at the end of my day today. There was nothing to do, and no one needed my assistance. I could have spent three hours just being lazy. But instead, I started typing up the procedural steps to my job responsibilities, at least the ones that I'm somewhat comfortable with. At first, it was just so I could have something to refer to and to use as a reminder. Then I changed my mind and decided to make it so that the next person to do my job will have an outline for everything they need to learn. I wish I had an outline or job handbook or something to help me out. But I don't. And I still don't know everything about my job. So I'm making the outlines from what I know and remember. Receiving, inventory, purchase orders, and sales orders are the easiest to remember, so I typed that all out first. Then storage of CPUs and memory. Next is printing. I'll probably add in shipping. RMA will probably be last because I still don't know it well enough.
I figure that if I can write a decent outline of the responsibilities and tasks, that means I actually know and understand what I'm doing. Hopefully, I won't forget any important details. And it will be something good and useful for the next person. But I would probably have to train the next person. If I don't though, they'll have my notes haha.
Do I feel like I'll stay with this company for a long time? Probably not. I mean my desire to quit is pretty weak now. I'm starting to get things right. But I don't feel like I fit well with the company. Like I said before, the people are nice. But the company itself doesn't mesh with me. Few reasons: no AC--I'm dying in there; no training--I feel quite unprepared for a lot of things; little organization--things feel like they're all over the place.
Oh, and since I'm responsible for inventory, anything that's missing will be my fault. We're missing a few things; or rather my physical count did not match Quickbooks. That's on me, even though this stuff went missing before Johnny left. (I did the count when he was still working.) Meh. I'll argue my case if I have to.
So yeah, that's work. I have lots more to say, but I can't remember anymore and I really should be sleeping...
It's Fourth of July weekend. Four-day weekend! I can rest! So tired. Still need to do chores--laundry, dusting, sweeping, mopping, etc. Maybe after, I'll do fun things with people. Oh, and finish what I can of the outlines. Hope I can remember everything.
Anyway, huzzah! :P
Friday, June 28, 2013
First two days at KSC.
I started my job in Sunnyvale yesterday. I decided to take 101 just to see what traffic would be like. Man, it was slow. Fifty minutes to go fourteen miles. It took forty to get home.
I managed to get to work a half hour early though. Met some coworkers. Everyone looked somewhat incredulous when I said I was hired as an assembler. They don't think I could lift anything. i demonstrated. I also explained that I've assembled furniture before, and I've carried heavy equipment and whatnot.
I ended up being trained in filling sales orders, maintaining inventory, and handling RMAs (Return Merchandise Authorizations) by Johnny, whose last day was today. I'm essentially taking over his job, even though I was hired mainly for assembly. Supposedly, I'll help out with assembly soon. As for the sales orders and inventory, I think I've got the hang of them. (This could help me when I start looking for inventory-focused jobs, which is what I had mainly been looking for before anyway.) The RMAs, however, confused the hell out of me. There are two kinds of RMAs, but there are three different procedures depending on which type and from whom I received the request. My brain got a little jumbled about all that.
They gave me a notebook so that I could write things down to remember. So I've been taking notes, but I still don't think I'm quite all there yet. Only experience and hopefully not too many mistakes to help me learn and be where I need to be.
Training was not thorough. Johnny admitted it. Plus, only two days of training. Not enough. I need at least a few days where I do things and get direct feedback so I can learn, adapt, and improve. But I guess I'll just have to wing it and ask everyone a lot of questions >.< And hope that I get everything right and on time.
Anyway, today wasn't too bad. I filled sales orders, logged inventory, labeled computer memory with stickers, and counted inventory. Took me three hours to count inventory. It doesn't even look like they have much either, but it took the longest time.
I think the closest thing I've done to assembling has been taking CPUs, memory, and hard drives out of motherboards and kits. Oh yeah, I'm slowly remembering the terminology.
Today, I found out that the company comps free lunch delivery every Friday. And we're all to eat together as a big family. Cool. Save me some food money :P Or really save me from having to prepare lunch on Thursday nights haha. Anyway, lunch pretty much introduced me to everyone in the building. I think we've got closer to twenty than thirty people in the company. I think there were only sixteen people in the lunchroom. We introduced ourselves and played Two Truths and a Lie, except people didn't really understand the concept of it haha, but it was fun.
So my impression of KSC so far: nice atmosphere, nice people, cheap on the AC (Is there even AC in Production or Purchasing?), and a bit disorganized. Or maybe I'm just not used to their way of organizing things. Eventually, yeah?
I don't really know what else to say. Work is exhausting. Or mainly just very hot. I wish it started and ended earlier, but 9 to 6 gives me eight and a half hours of work every day. Overtime, woot woot!
Ok, time to pass out. When I wake up, I need to get some things done (cleaning, laundry, car battery change) and maybe go to SF Pride :D
I managed to get to work a half hour early though. Met some coworkers. Everyone looked somewhat incredulous when I said I was hired as an assembler. They don't think I could lift anything. i demonstrated. I also explained that I've assembled furniture before, and I've carried heavy equipment and whatnot.
I ended up being trained in filling sales orders, maintaining inventory, and handling RMAs (Return Merchandise Authorizations) by Johnny, whose last day was today. I'm essentially taking over his job, even though I was hired mainly for assembly. Supposedly, I'll help out with assembly soon. As for the sales orders and inventory, I think I've got the hang of them. (This could help me when I start looking for inventory-focused jobs, which is what I had mainly been looking for before anyway.) The RMAs, however, confused the hell out of me. There are two kinds of RMAs, but there are three different procedures depending on which type and from whom I received the request. My brain got a little jumbled about all that.
They gave me a notebook so that I could write things down to remember. So I've been taking notes, but I still don't think I'm quite all there yet. Only experience and hopefully not too many mistakes to help me learn and be where I need to be.
Training was not thorough. Johnny admitted it. Plus, only two days of training. Not enough. I need at least a few days where I do things and get direct feedback so I can learn, adapt, and improve. But I guess I'll just have to wing it and ask everyone a lot of questions >.< And hope that I get everything right and on time.
Anyway, today wasn't too bad. I filled sales orders, logged inventory, labeled computer memory with stickers, and counted inventory. Took me three hours to count inventory. It doesn't even look like they have much either, but it took the longest time.
I think the closest thing I've done to assembling has been taking CPUs, memory, and hard drives out of motherboards and kits. Oh yeah, I'm slowly remembering the terminology.
Today, I found out that the company comps free lunch delivery every Friday. And we're all to eat together as a big family. Cool. Save me some food money :P Or really save me from having to prepare lunch on Thursday nights haha. Anyway, lunch pretty much introduced me to everyone in the building. I think we've got closer to twenty than thirty people in the company. I think there were only sixteen people in the lunchroom. We introduced ourselves and played Two Truths and a Lie, except people didn't really understand the concept of it haha, but it was fun.
So my impression of KSC so far: nice atmosphere, nice people, cheap on the AC (Is there even AC in Production or Purchasing?), and a bit disorganized. Or maybe I'm just not used to their way of organizing things. Eventually, yeah?
I don't really know what else to say. Work is exhausting. Or mainly just very hot. I wish it started and ended earlier, but 9 to 6 gives me eight and a half hours of work every day. Overtime, woot woot!
Ok, time to pass out. When I wake up, I need to get some things done (cleaning, laundry, car battery change) and maybe go to SF Pride :D
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Second official job!
I accepted the job offer from KSC. Tomorrow will be my last day at KPI, and I'll start my new job on Thursday.
So after 30 days, the medical and dental plans will kick in. That's good. I need healthcare...
Hours are 9 to 6. Nine hours. Two fifteen-minute breaks and one half-hour lunch. I'm still a bit confused about the two breaks. Do I get paid for those? If I do, does that mean I'll get overtime every day? I'll ask for clarification on Thursday when I come in to sign the forms and whatnot. I'm not too fond of the hours. I would prefer to start early, like I currently do, but I guess it's nice to not have to wake up at 5AM. Starting Thursday, I can wake up at 6 or 7AM :D I'll probably continue to sleep early, but it won't be such a pain if I occasionally stay up past 10.
So I think I'm probably going to keep like an extra pair of pants in my car for work. I was told that my job allows me to wear casual stuff, but if I end up delivering products to customers, I have to wear somewhat professional clothing. I'm a work jeans kind of person; so I guess I will have to keep an extra pair of pants in the car in case they don't let me know the day before that I'll be making a delivery.
This is exciting! I'm slightly anxious. Oh, change, why must you make me feel this way? But I'm still excited for change. Hopefully to a job that I'll really enjoy. C'mon! I get to help build computers! I get to build things :D Hope I learn quickly enough haha.
Wow, I've been working at KPI for fourteen and a half weeks. More than three months. I didn't know how long I was gonna stay there, but it's been good. I really like my coworkers there. It's kinda like a big family. I'll be sad to not see them anymore. I don't even know how I will tell any of them tomorrow... It is last-minute and sudden. I can't not tell them; I don't want to leave them hanging and worrying about me.
Oh, I got a call today from a friend of a family friend. He asked me if I wanted him to forward my resume to a company that I thought he had just left. I don't know why he asked me. He supposedly sent it to the company twice already... -shrug- I told him to go ahead and do so. I could land a job in Milpitas that will pay me $15 an hour, but it's as an office assistant. I could do it. I don't know if I would enjoy it. However, it would be even closer to home than KSC and would definitely pay more. We'll see if that Milpitas company contacts me at all. Though, I would hate to leave KSC just like that...
I'll figure things out as opportunities arise. Hopefully, everything will work out well and for the best for everyone :)
So after 30 days, the medical and dental plans will kick in. That's good. I need healthcare...
Hours are 9 to 6. Nine hours. Two fifteen-minute breaks and one half-hour lunch. I'm still a bit confused about the two breaks. Do I get paid for those? If I do, does that mean I'll get overtime every day? I'll ask for clarification on Thursday when I come in to sign the forms and whatnot. I'm not too fond of the hours. I would prefer to start early, like I currently do, but I guess it's nice to not have to wake up at 5AM. Starting Thursday, I can wake up at 6 or 7AM :D I'll probably continue to sleep early, but it won't be such a pain if I occasionally stay up past 10.
So I think I'm probably going to keep like an extra pair of pants in my car for work. I was told that my job allows me to wear casual stuff, but if I end up delivering products to customers, I have to wear somewhat professional clothing. I'm a work jeans kind of person; so I guess I will have to keep an extra pair of pants in the car in case they don't let me know the day before that I'll be making a delivery.
This is exciting! I'm slightly anxious. Oh, change, why must you make me feel this way? But I'm still excited for change. Hopefully to a job that I'll really enjoy. C'mon! I get to help build computers! I get to build things :D Hope I learn quickly enough haha.
Wow, I've been working at KPI for fourteen and a half weeks. More than three months. I didn't know how long I was gonna stay there, but it's been good. I really like my coworkers there. It's kinda like a big family. I'll be sad to not see them anymore. I don't even know how I will tell any of them tomorrow... It is last-minute and sudden. I can't not tell them; I don't want to leave them hanging and worrying about me.
Oh, I got a call today from a friend of a family friend. He asked me if I wanted him to forward my resume to a company that I thought he had just left. I don't know why he asked me. He supposedly sent it to the company twice already... -shrug- I told him to go ahead and do so. I could land a job in Milpitas that will pay me $15 an hour, but it's as an office assistant. I could do it. I don't know if I would enjoy it. However, it would be even closer to home than KSC and would definitely pay more. We'll see if that Milpitas company contacts me at all. Though, I would hate to leave KSC just like that...
I'll figure things out as opportunities arise. Hopefully, everything will work out well and for the best for everyone :)
Monday, June 24, 2013
Job offer from KSC
Earlier this month, I applied for the computer assembler/tester position at King Star Computer, Inc. via Craigslist. They contacted me on Friday, and we had a mini phone interview. We had the in-person interview today right after I got out of work. I somehow made it from Fremont to Sunnyvale in less than thirty minutes :D
I'm always so nervous during interviews, but today I was relatively calm on the inside haha. I managed to impress two people at KSC. About twenty minutes after I left the building, I got a call telling me that they would like to offer me the job. I have until Wednesday to accept the job offer.
Thirteen and a half miles away from home. Will save about $25 a month on gas; not much, but it's something. Will make $10.00 an hour. Up $1.50 from my current job. And this would be a permanent job. Small company; only about thirty employees. The job actually allows me to build something. Rackmount servers. Basically computers of varing sizes. I think the company's mainly full of Chinese employees. Hopefully, I won't be too awkward haha.
I forgot to ask about what the hours and benefits are. But I called and left a message about that info with my interviewer. Hopefully, I'll find out about that stuff tomorrow and maybe even give them my answer then.
This will probably be a 9 to 5 job, meaning I'll actually have to deal with serious traffic. But it's all good.
I will continue looking for other jobs. But I'm gonna see what I can learn and gain from KSC if I do ultimately take this job. I can't wait to learn how to build a computer :D and how to do a bunch of other stuff because being a small company means all employees contribute in every way necessary.
In other news, KPI, my current employer, is training me for more advanced jobs. I don't like it because the advanced jobs mainly involve thoroughly checking tiny little parts. I like working the machines more. And I've learned that I can't really use microscopes very well; My eyes won't focus properly. I can only see through one eye when I use the microscope -_- It's annoying. And slow. Oh well.
Oh, and darn my forgetfulness. My car battery died today. I had left my headlights on for two hours in front of the house. When I went to my car to go to dinner with Brother and Karina, I couldn't unlock my car. When I manually unlocked the door, my car alarm went off and wouldn't turn off. I thought my key fob had run out of battery, but then my car wouldn't start. So I figured out what happened. Brother brought D over with jumper cables, and they jumpstarted my car with Karina's car. That was all fun.
Afterward, Brother, Karina, and I went to eat at San Pedro Square. Turns out an acquaintance of mine from Q&A is co-owner of Phonomenal and silent partner of On A Roll. Got a discount on our pho :D Then got Treatbot. Marielle was working tonight. Hadn't seen her in at least two years probably. I saw her and thought I recognized her but wasn't sure. But it turned out to be her. And she gave me a free double scoop :)
Today ended well. I'm happy. I hope tomorrow will go just as well if not better.
Not too much else has been happening. I've been reading more lately. It's nice to get back into reading for fun :) Oh, it also rained today. Supposed to rain tomorrow too. Fun. Always strange to see rain during the summer. I think it's cool though. As long as it's not pouring. I don't want high humidity. No saunas for me XP
Anyway, way past my bedtime. Need sleep! Good night, folks!
I'm always so nervous during interviews, but today I was relatively calm on the inside haha. I managed to impress two people at KSC. About twenty minutes after I left the building, I got a call telling me that they would like to offer me the job. I have until Wednesday to accept the job offer.
Thirteen and a half miles away from home. Will save about $25 a month on gas; not much, but it's something. Will make $10.00 an hour. Up $1.50 from my current job. And this would be a permanent job. Small company; only about thirty employees. The job actually allows me to build something. Rackmount servers. Basically computers of varing sizes. I think the company's mainly full of Chinese employees. Hopefully, I won't be too awkward haha.
I forgot to ask about what the hours and benefits are. But I called and left a message about that info with my interviewer. Hopefully, I'll find out about that stuff tomorrow and maybe even give them my answer then.
This will probably be a 9 to 5 job, meaning I'll actually have to deal with serious traffic. But it's all good.
I will continue looking for other jobs. But I'm gonna see what I can learn and gain from KSC if I do ultimately take this job. I can't wait to learn how to build a computer :D and how to do a bunch of other stuff because being a small company means all employees contribute in every way necessary.
In other news, KPI, my current employer, is training me for more advanced jobs. I don't like it because the advanced jobs mainly involve thoroughly checking tiny little parts. I like working the machines more. And I've learned that I can't really use microscopes very well; My eyes won't focus properly. I can only see through one eye when I use the microscope -_- It's annoying. And slow. Oh well.
Oh, and darn my forgetfulness. My car battery died today. I had left my headlights on for two hours in front of the house. When I went to my car to go to dinner with Brother and Karina, I couldn't unlock my car. When I manually unlocked the door, my car alarm went off and wouldn't turn off. I thought my key fob had run out of battery, but then my car wouldn't start. So I figured out what happened. Brother brought D over with jumper cables, and they jumpstarted my car with Karina's car. That was all fun.
Afterward, Brother, Karina, and I went to eat at San Pedro Square. Turns out an acquaintance of mine from Q&A is co-owner of Phonomenal and silent partner of On A Roll. Got a discount on our pho :D Then got Treatbot. Marielle was working tonight. Hadn't seen her in at least two years probably. I saw her and thought I recognized her but wasn't sure. But it turned out to be her. And she gave me a free double scoop :)
Today ended well. I'm happy. I hope tomorrow will go just as well if not better.
Not too much else has been happening. I've been reading more lately. It's nice to get back into reading for fun :) Oh, it also rained today. Supposed to rain tomorrow too. Fun. Always strange to see rain during the summer. I think it's cool though. As long as it's not pouring. I don't want high humidity. No saunas for me XP
Anyway, way past my bedtime. Need sleep! Good night, folks!
Friday, June 7, 2013
I'm going to be an aunt!
Brother informed the family tonight that his girlfriend, Karina, is currently thirteen weeks pregnant. Imagine the surprise! Or rather the lack of. Family was much more supportive and encouraging than usual. It was interesting.
My initial reaction: Slight raise of the eyebrow. Slow curve of a smile. Tilt of the head. Body leaning to the side toward the wall. Cool. "Wow."
I always knew Brother would be a parent before I would. I mean, c'mon, he's got five years on me.
I'm excited. We're all excited. I'm going to be an aunt. Mother and D are going to be grandparents! :) Main thing is Brother is going to be a father!! I think he will be a great father. He is an idiot sometimes, and he's made his mistakes. But he's a good person, and he's learning. I just have this feeling that he'll be a wonderful dad. Doting and overprotective, but great. I told him as much. I also told him I love him. First time I've said that without it being a response to him saying it to me first.
My first nephew/niece. I can't wait to meet him/her. Not due until the end of the year. Mother's going to babysit a lot. She's looking forward to it. I think it would do her some good to have a baby in her house. She won't be alone. And I'll get to watch her interact with a baby.
And I'll learn how to take care of a child. I want to learn. I'm still terrified of kids. Maybe this will ease my anxiety around kids.
Anyway, this news woke me up a little. I was exhausted and wanted to go home to sleep. Then this news came out, and I was just awake. It brightened the end of my week. (Work wasn't the best this week.)
Now, we play the waiting game with the baby. Who will win? o: I'll try to keep you posted.
My initial reaction: Slight raise of the eyebrow. Slow curve of a smile. Tilt of the head. Body leaning to the side toward the wall. Cool. "Wow."
I always knew Brother would be a parent before I would. I mean, c'mon, he's got five years on me.
I'm excited. We're all excited. I'm going to be an aunt. Mother and D are going to be grandparents! :) Main thing is Brother is going to be a father!! I think he will be a great father. He is an idiot sometimes, and he's made his mistakes. But he's a good person, and he's learning. I just have this feeling that he'll be a wonderful dad. Doting and overprotective, but great. I told him as much. I also told him I love him. First time I've said that without it being a response to him saying it to me first.
My first nephew/niece. I can't wait to meet him/her. Not due until the end of the year. Mother's going to babysit a lot. She's looking forward to it. I think it would do her some good to have a baby in her house. She won't be alone. And I'll get to watch her interact with a baby.
And I'll learn how to take care of a child. I want to learn. I'm still terrified of kids. Maybe this will ease my anxiety around kids.
Anyway, this news woke me up a little. I was exhausted and wanted to go home to sleep. Then this news came out, and I was just awake. It brightened the end of my week. (Work wasn't the best this week.)
Now, we play the waiting game with the baby. Who will win? o: I'll try to keep you posted.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Yay, I moved again.
I spent the late morning and early afternoon moving all my stuff from Shiva's apartment and Mother's house to my new room. At first, it didn't look like I had that many things. But after I stuffed everything into my car from Mother's house, I felt like I had too many things. Clutter! Too much clothes. Especially since Brother gave me some more of his old clothes that he no longer fits.
I'm going to spend all day tomorrow trying to rid myself of clutter. It's going to be difficult. But I will do it! I'm also going to Swiffer the hell out of my room. It's so dusty and dirty -_- Once I get through this room, it's going to be clean, and I will enforce the Asian shoe rule.
Anyway, all my things have settled in my room, meaning each thing basically has a place in my room for now. But I still want to free up some space. I'm probably gonna donate some clothes to Goodwill. My old dresser is so full D: Much fuller than I thought it would be. It makes me sad.
So I like my room. I realize, though, there are a lot of bees in the front of the house. I hope I don't get stung >:
Oh, I met one of my roommates, the homeowner's uncle, who lives in the room across the hallway. He sure is a character. Quite hard on his nephew. But he seems like a very fair, understanding, and witty person, otherwise. He was yelling at his nephew, Peter, for not offering to help get me a job at some companies that Peter has connections too. I felt bad because Peter had offered but wasn't sure he could actually help me, given that I have a degree in Sociology and not something tech-related. His uncle yelled at him to try anyway >.> While I'm grateful for all the help (Peter did drive all the way from SF to help transport my bed and chair in his truck), I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of anyone. This is only the third time that Peter and I have talked in person. But he and his uncle are very generous and thoughtful people, I guess...
Mm, the fridge has absolutely zero space for my future food and drink. The Chinese girl, who lives in the room that once was a garage, cooks a lot. Much of the stuff in the kitchen is hers, taking up most of the space. The rest is the uncle's. I found some corner in one of the cabinets to put my bowls, plate, cup, and utensils. Though, it appears there are enough of those things in the cabinets for a whole party of people. But it's me; I don't really want to share things with strangers all that much. Anyway, there is a mini fridge in the kitchen that I will be using for a short while until the girl rearranges her fridge and freezer stuff so there's a little space for me. I just want to store my juice, a few beers, a few water bottles, and some food stuff. Though, I'm cool with using the mini fridge, but the owner doesn't want to risk getting a high energy bill.
Uhh, I hope it takes me just a week to get used to living in this place. I also hope that I'll enjoy living here and my stay lasts for a long while. I don't want to move again. At least not until I have way fewer things to move with me haha.
Oh yeah, I don't have a computer desk yet. Should be delivered within the next few days. Then I can bring my desktop with me :D I miss my desktop so much. But that means I have to go purchase a wireless adapter for my computer since it's nine years old. No wireless connection built in >: Until then, my netbook will still get some love from me.
Ooh, I renewed my library card yesterday. Borrowed a few books (two novels by Dean Koontz and A Child Called "It"). Can't wait to read them. It's been a long time since I've been to and borrowed anything from the library. Shiva borrowed a few children's books and a Dean Koontz book too :P
Ahh, this past week has been pretty relaxing. But also stressful at times for various reasons. But now the week is almost over. I have one more day for rest and everything else I need to do. Then Monday, it's back to work and making a living.
I'm so tired, and my head feels like it's all over the place. I should go home and rest. Maybe take a shower. I feel disgusting. Sweat, dust, and dirt. But if I go home, I'm going to want to clean and reorganize... Why can't I just leave it be for now? Rawr. Darn my compulsions -___- Must distract myself with a book! Don't think about clutter...
I'm going to spend all day tomorrow trying to rid myself of clutter. It's going to be difficult. But I will do it! I'm also going to Swiffer the hell out of my room. It's so dusty and dirty -_- Once I get through this room, it's going to be clean, and I will enforce the Asian shoe rule.
Anyway, all my things have settled in my room, meaning each thing basically has a place in my room for now. But I still want to free up some space. I'm probably gonna donate some clothes to Goodwill. My old dresser is so full D: Much fuller than I thought it would be. It makes me sad.
So I like my room. I realize, though, there are a lot of bees in the front of the house. I hope I don't get stung >:
Oh, I met one of my roommates, the homeowner's uncle, who lives in the room across the hallway. He sure is a character. Quite hard on his nephew. But he seems like a very fair, understanding, and witty person, otherwise. He was yelling at his nephew, Peter, for not offering to help get me a job at some companies that Peter has connections too. I felt bad because Peter had offered but wasn't sure he could actually help me, given that I have a degree in Sociology and not something tech-related. His uncle yelled at him to try anyway >.> While I'm grateful for all the help (Peter did drive all the way from SF to help transport my bed and chair in his truck), I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of anyone. This is only the third time that Peter and I have talked in person. But he and his uncle are very generous and thoughtful people, I guess...
Mm, the fridge has absolutely zero space for my future food and drink. The Chinese girl, who lives in the room that once was a garage, cooks a lot. Much of the stuff in the kitchen is hers, taking up most of the space. The rest is the uncle's. I found some corner in one of the cabinets to put my bowls, plate, cup, and utensils. Though, it appears there are enough of those things in the cabinets for a whole party of people. But it's me; I don't really want to share things with strangers all that much. Anyway, there is a mini fridge in the kitchen that I will be using for a short while until the girl rearranges her fridge and freezer stuff so there's a little space for me. I just want to store my juice, a few beers, a few water bottles, and some food stuff. Though, I'm cool with using the mini fridge, but the owner doesn't want to risk getting a high energy bill.
Uhh, I hope it takes me just a week to get used to living in this place. I also hope that I'll enjoy living here and my stay lasts for a long while. I don't want to move again. At least not until I have way fewer things to move with me haha.
Oh yeah, I don't have a computer desk yet. Should be delivered within the next few days. Then I can bring my desktop with me :D I miss my desktop so much. But that means I have to go purchase a wireless adapter for my computer since it's nine years old. No wireless connection built in >: Until then, my netbook will still get some love from me.
Ooh, I renewed my library card yesterday. Borrowed a few books (two novels by Dean Koontz and A Child Called "It"). Can't wait to read them. It's been a long time since I've been to and borrowed anything from the library. Shiva borrowed a few children's books and a Dean Koontz book too :P
Ahh, this past week has been pretty relaxing. But also stressful at times for various reasons. But now the week is almost over. I have one more day for rest and everything else I need to do. Then Monday, it's back to work and making a living.
I'm so tired, and my head feels like it's all over the place. I should go home and rest. Maybe take a shower. I feel disgusting. Sweat, dust, and dirt. But if I go home, I'm going to want to clean and reorganize... Why can't I just leave it be for now? Rawr. Darn my compulsions -___- Must distract myself with a book! Don't think about clutter...
Monday, May 27, 2013
Moving again.
It's been almost two months since my last update. Whyy??
I've been working, eating, or sleeping. Occasionally hanging out with friends, but really that's just because Shiva hangs out with people. I hardly try to hang out with anyone.
Anyway, I'm moving again. Into my own room this time. I found this place on Craigslist. Near McLaughlin and Tully. Quiet place where all the roommates stick to themselves. Relatively clean. Decently priced. A little closer to Mother, but that's ok. She wants to come over a few times a week; I'm not sure how I feel about that. I like my space.
I'm hoping that I will enjoy living at this house. I want my stay to be somewhat long-lasting.
I feel like when I move out, I'll become more reclusive than ever. Like I said, I hang out with people because Shiva hangs out with people. When I leave, and when she goes off to law school, I will probably spend more of my time alone. It doesn't make me sad or anything like that. I actually kinda look forward to it. I kinda want to be alone for a while...
It's going to be nice to have my own space and privacy again. And I basically have my own bathroom too, so that's cool. I get my bed back. And my dresser. And my desktop. And a new computer desk. I have to buy a wireless adapter for the desktop though because I don't want a new desktop but wireless Internet connection would be nice.
Hopefully, everything works out well and for the best...
So work has been good. Sometimes slow, sometimes stressful. Depends on the day and the work I have to do. I'm getting more and more comfortable with some of my coworkers. Granted, none of them are around my age, but that's all right. I should learn how to interact with older folks anyway.
No work this week because the company's remodeling the floors and repainting the walls. Sucks to be a temp because I get no paid time off. So while it's nice to get a week off, I'm not making any money to add to my savings.
And my savings is kinda low. I've been helping my family pay some bills and debts. Pretty much half the money I've made the past two months. I was hoping to just continue saving, but my family needs some financial help. And the least I could do is add in my support. Besides, they've been helping me since I moved out. Still paying for my gas, making me dinner from time to time, and giving me some minor necessities that I'm sometimes too lazy to get myself.
So I'm going to spend this week prepping for the move. I need to collect a few things that I won't have when I move. Can't use roommates' things anymore. I think I'm doing pretty well in getting ready. I still want to reorganize my stuff for the move. A little anxious about the move, which means I want to organize to calm down a little. But I don't really have too much to organize. I did a pretty good job the first hundred times :P
Exciting times. Exciting year. More changes. People leaving, learning, growing. Who would have ever thought I would be where I am now? I know some people expected me to be far, far better off than I currently am. And I know I didn't expect myself to go anywhere for a while. But I got somewhere. It might not be much to others, but I'm pretty damn happy with myself. I'm satisfied so far. I couldn't really ask for much better.
Anyway, life is all right. Some things are a little tough, but I'm happy. Just thought I'd let you know.
I've been working, eating, or sleeping. Occasionally hanging out with friends, but really that's just because Shiva hangs out with people. I hardly try to hang out with anyone.
Anyway, I'm moving again. Into my own room this time. I found this place on Craigslist. Near McLaughlin and Tully. Quiet place where all the roommates stick to themselves. Relatively clean. Decently priced. A little closer to Mother, but that's ok. She wants to come over a few times a week; I'm not sure how I feel about that. I like my space.
I'm hoping that I will enjoy living at this house. I want my stay to be somewhat long-lasting.
I feel like when I move out, I'll become more reclusive than ever. Like I said, I hang out with people because Shiva hangs out with people. When I leave, and when she goes off to law school, I will probably spend more of my time alone. It doesn't make me sad or anything like that. I actually kinda look forward to it. I kinda want to be alone for a while...
It's going to be nice to have my own space and privacy again. And I basically have my own bathroom too, so that's cool. I get my bed back. And my dresser. And my desktop. And a new computer desk. I have to buy a wireless adapter for the desktop though because I don't want a new desktop but wireless Internet connection would be nice.
Hopefully, everything works out well and for the best...
So work has been good. Sometimes slow, sometimes stressful. Depends on the day and the work I have to do. I'm getting more and more comfortable with some of my coworkers. Granted, none of them are around my age, but that's all right. I should learn how to interact with older folks anyway.
No work this week because the company's remodeling the floors and repainting the walls. Sucks to be a temp because I get no paid time off. So while it's nice to get a week off, I'm not making any money to add to my savings.
And my savings is kinda low. I've been helping my family pay some bills and debts. Pretty much half the money I've made the past two months. I was hoping to just continue saving, but my family needs some financial help. And the least I could do is add in my support. Besides, they've been helping me since I moved out. Still paying for my gas, making me dinner from time to time, and giving me some minor necessities that I'm sometimes too lazy to get myself.
So I'm going to spend this week prepping for the move. I need to collect a few things that I won't have when I move. Can't use roommates' things anymore. I think I'm doing pretty well in getting ready. I still want to reorganize my stuff for the move. A little anxious about the move, which means I want to organize to calm down a little. But I don't really have too much to organize. I did a pretty good job the first hundred times :P
Exciting times. Exciting year. More changes. People leaving, learning, growing. Who would have ever thought I would be where I am now? I know some people expected me to be far, far better off than I currently am. And I know I didn't expect myself to go anywhere for a while. But I got somewhere. It might not be much to others, but I'm pretty damn happy with myself. I'm satisfied so far. I couldn't really ask for much better.
Anyway, life is all right. Some things are a little tough, but I'm happy. Just thought I'd let you know.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Not bald.
I have a shaved head :D Shiva buzzed my hair with her electric razor on Saturday. We used #3 because that was the longest one she had.
It feels so nice. No need to use a lot of shampoo and conditioner for a while haha. When Brother saw it on Sunday, he didn't look happy. But whatever. I did it. He can't change it back.
I'll probably try to only see Mother once a week. And I'll wear a beanie to cover my head so that she won't know. I know she'll freak out if she sees it.
I'm debating about whether I'll get my hair buzzed again before summer. It's so nice and strange to feel the air on my scalp. I couldn't stop touching my hair all weekend haha. It's such a new feeling. I like it.
Shiva says my head looks so small now that my hair is pretty much gone. And I've pretty much received positive reactions from friends who have seen me so far.
If I buzz my hair again, that means I would have to continue to wear a beanie whenever I see Mother. During the summer. Wouldn't it be suspicious? Probably.
Maybe I'll just get started on growing my hair out to donate it in two-ish years. Again :)
Anyway, a family friend connected me to a potential job. An office/administrative assistant or something like that for Quanta QCT in Milpitas. I could do it. It would be a bit closer to home. I probably wouldn't have to wake up so early. That would be nice. Plus, it would be a permanent job, not temp.
I'm emailing the the family friend's friend who is offering the job. He has asked for my salary request, but I have no idea how much money I'd like to earn. I'm happy with $8.50 an hour, but I have a feeling that my family would be upset about that and the guy also said that I was overqualified for the job based on my resume. Except I don't see that because I barely have any work experience.
I looked up similar jobs online, and people tend to make about thirty-something thousand dollars a year in a job like this. But I don't want to ask for so much money... I don't need it...
I think I'll wait for Shiva to come home to help me choose a number haha. If I respond now, I would probably ask for $10 an hour, and that would be less than $20,000 a year. And much less than the average entry level assistant, it seems.
I don't know what I'm supposed to ask for.
Oh, and I don't know how this other company would react to me having shaved my head. My current workplace allows me to wear a hat, so I kept my beanie on all day. Even though, it gets really hot in there. Potential job is in an office environment... I don't know if they'll look down on me or rescind the job offer. I hope not.
It feels so nice. No need to use a lot of shampoo and conditioner for a while haha. When Brother saw it on Sunday, he didn't look happy. But whatever. I did it. He can't change it back.
I'll probably try to only see Mother once a week. And I'll wear a beanie to cover my head so that she won't know. I know she'll freak out if she sees it.
I'm debating about whether I'll get my hair buzzed again before summer. It's so nice and strange to feel the air on my scalp. I couldn't stop touching my hair all weekend haha. It's such a new feeling. I like it.
Shiva says my head looks so small now that my hair is pretty much gone. And I've pretty much received positive reactions from friends who have seen me so far.
If I buzz my hair again, that means I would have to continue to wear a beanie whenever I see Mother. During the summer. Wouldn't it be suspicious? Probably.
Maybe I'll just get started on growing my hair out to donate it in two-ish years. Again :)
Anyway, a family friend connected me to a potential job. An office/administrative assistant or something like that for Quanta QCT in Milpitas. I could do it. It would be a bit closer to home. I probably wouldn't have to wake up so early. That would be nice. Plus, it would be a permanent job, not temp.
I'm emailing the the family friend's friend who is offering the job. He has asked for my salary request, but I have no idea how much money I'd like to earn. I'm happy with $8.50 an hour, but I have a feeling that my family would be upset about that and the guy also said that I was overqualified for the job based on my resume. Except I don't see that because I barely have any work experience.
I looked up similar jobs online, and people tend to make about thirty-something thousand dollars a year in a job like this. But I don't want to ask for so much money... I don't need it...
I think I'll wait for Shiva to come home to help me choose a number haha. If I respond now, I would probably ask for $10 an hour, and that would be less than $20,000 a year. And much less than the average entry level assistant, it seems.
I don't know what I'm supposed to ask for.
Oh, and I don't know how this other company would react to me having shaved my head. My current workplace allows me to wear a hat, so I kept my beanie on all day. Even though, it gets really hot in there. Potential job is in an office environment... I don't know if they'll look down on me or rescind the job offer. I hope not.
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