Q&A --> GPA

After my classes today, I stayed back for a Q&A (Queer & Asian) meeting. Small group. Well, new group. But yeah. About 12 people showed up, which is pretty good for a new club. And most of them are in QTIP, so I recognized most of them.

Icebreaker: Two Lies and a Truth. Can you guess my truth?
I have an IQ of 142.
I have never dated or kissed anyone.
I have been shot at with a rifle.

:D If you know me well enough, you knew the answer as soon as I said it hahaha.

The group thought it was the third one. I guess I just give off that dangerous aura ^_^ Haha nah, they chose that one 'cause it was so out there. But no, I've only been chased by a man holding a rifle when I was in the fourth grade. Of course, it could just have been a very vivid dream that turned into a faux memory. Who knows? :P

Anyway, we voted on an official club name: GPA, or Gay Pacific islanders & Asians. Not a perfect acronym, but we liked the letters. So stereotypical of Asians, yeah? haha It was originally Gay Pride Alliance, but we wanted it to focus more on Asians. So the second possibility was Gay Pride(ful) Asians. But that was just too cocky, I guess. There were other possibly names, but I don't really remember them.

We also discussed rules and goals. Fun stuff.

Oh, Carlo F brought food (spam and rice wrapped in seaweed, good stuff. Don't remember what he called it). And so did Ton (I think that's his name). He brought lumpia (I think that's how it's spelled). Good stuff.

Mm, so I think I'll try to stick with QTIP and GPA (gosh, that's so nerdy, huh?) for the semester. See how it all works out. Meetings every Tuesday and Wednesday, fun stuff. At least I'll make friends. That's the meaningful part.


Oh, and I'm getting better at the dancing :D Still some mistakes obviously, but I'm getting it. One of my classmates, Tatiana (again, I don't know if I spelled her name right), helped me out. She's chill. Doesn't mind that I'm a female leader, yay!

And yes, I'm still a lil bothered about those other two girls I mentioned (or just one girl). They both give me a look when I walk over to them. I don't like those looks. The least they could do is say they don't wanna dance with me. Maybe I should just ask them if they want me to pass when we rotate partners. I dunno. It's difficult to dance with uncomfortable people. Especially when you're not very good at dancing yet.


Anyway, I think it's time for me to eat something and go to bed. Yay for sleep.

O Captain! My Captain!

This entry actually has nothing to do with Walt Whitman or Abe Lincoln :P


Physics and Philosophy were chill today. Though, I don't remember much from Physics. In Philosophy, we started off talking about the Kanye West and Taylor Swift incident at the VMAs. Rude, no ettiquette. He has a right to his opinion, but he did not have to embarrass the winner on national television. She did not deserve that. And yes, Beyonce, class act.

We also talked about Annie Le, the murdered Yale student. Is it surprising that most of my classmates did not hear about her murder? Nope. Why? Because a lot of people my age don't read the news. They read gossip. They read Facebook status updates. Of course, they read Twitter updates. Seriously, the Kanye thing is bigger than any (relatively low-profile) murder case in the media. Yay for pop culture.

After class, I went to the LDS church again with Rose, Angela, and John. Didn't eat. Had interesting conversations about Kanye, the Annie Le case, and Patrick Swayze, among other topics. Rose played the piano. Then I left alone.

Yay for physics labs. Today's lab was simple, but the geometry (drawing scaled pictures of forces) took up a lot of our time. But my partner (Randall) and I finished early, so that was cool.

I sat at a bench and read my history homework until it was time for the QTIP meeting.

Introduced myself to Eve, QTIP's PR agent haha :P Had a cool conversation with Alex, the co-chair. Also some conversing with Tri and Vivi. Can you tell I'm trying really hard to remember their names? Haha I guess not, it's the Internet. But I'm trying really hard. I remember the faces really well, but names are elusive.

The icebreaker game was called O Captain! My Captain! (not sure if it's spelled that way) First thing I thought was "Are we gonna talk about Honest Abe?" haha. No, we didn't. It's like Simon Says. I tripped up twice, dang it.

Anyway, this Thursday (9/17), SJSU's Women's Basketball Team is having one of those lunch/dinner fundraisers. At Pasta Pomodoro (1205 The Alameda). If you're in SJ, help support, please :D You need to bring a flyer. Which I have. Thus, I can go with you or send you a copy of the flyer.

QTIP BBQ. Saturday, 9/19. @ 1230-1600. @ the bbq pit near the AS House. Free food. New friends. Gonna have ourselves a good time. Well, hopefully, I can go XP

National Coming Out Week (COW haha). In October. Gonna have a Ally Relay/Scavenger Hunt the week after. Or at least that's the plan.

Hmm, what else? Oh, I signed up for a dodgeball team :D Let's see how that works out. You know me and how I am with commitments haha. Or not. I don't commit. Yeaah.


Today was fun. I have one more chapter to read for tomorrow. But I probably won't read it tonight because I am waayyy exhausted.

Le is 19, yaayyy

Well, she turned 19 yesterday, but her birthday party was today. Basics: food prep, music, masticating, dirty talk, the usuals :) [I'm going to make this entry as quick as possible, so I can go to bed early.]

I came half an hour late, thinking there would be at least one other guest at Le's already. No. I was still the first person there, darn haha. I'm usually the first person to show up to birthday parties XP

Guests: Me, Alex D (hadn't seen him since New Year's), Randy, and Le's cousins. Let's see if I can name them: Joann, Julia, Annie, John, Khoa (was that his name?), Thao. No parents.

All of us except for Randy participated in making the food.

Appetizers: spam and pineapple, orange and spam, all with the colored toothpicks just like those fancy company dinner parties. Sugar and cinnamon cookies. The cousins brought the Asian-style jello with fruit in it.

Main: Shish kebabs, mac and cheese with bacon, and some kinda strawberry salad. The shish kebabs took the longest time to grill. The mac and cheese apparently wasn't very cheesy haha. The salad was good.

Since Randy did not contribute to the food preparations, he got to clean up haha.

Cake story: Le in the garage. Cousins set up inside the door. Julia had a plate of whipped cream. Le avoided the plate. However, she did not see John with the can. There was a prolonged whipped cream fight, during which Alex, Randy, and I stayed out of all cream ranges. Then we had to clean everything up. There was whipped cream on the floor, on the wall, on clothes, and in hair. Good times, good times.


Le, if you read this, thanks for inviting me. Now, I know for sure you like me, you really really like me :D haha.


Ok, time for bed. And I'm missing a lot of details -_- but I can't stay awake any longer.

Verizon Upgrades

How exciting.

Basics:
Brother got a BlackBerry Tour - $149.99.
Mother got an LG enV3 - $129.99. Free after rebate.
D got my LG Dare.
I got a Verizon Wireless Blitz - $29.99.

Three cool phones for the three oldest. One adorable phone for the adorablest ^_^ haha

I was originally going to get the enV2, but then Mother wanted it. So I chose the Blitz. Still good and very cheap. At the store, we found out that they don't sell the enV2 anymore. So Mother then wanted the BlackBerry Storm but without the Internet. Obviously, you can't get the phone without the Internet. So then she chose the enV3. I told her to get the LG Versa. Same as the Dare but thinner. And way cheaper too. But no, she wanted us to pay more for functions that she won't use.

In the end, we found out her phone would be "free." So we just let her get that phone.

But yeah, fun stuff. Right now, my number is still on the Dare. D's number is in the Blitz. Tony has to call customer service to switch them and unblock my number :D Yay, soon, everyone will know when I call ^_^ No more ignoring my calls haha.


Ok, now I'm starving. So I'm gonna go eat In N Out. Then homework.

Yes, I'm going to eat my homework.

Do the Hustle!

So I went to the Ballroom Dance Club lesson. Learned the Hustle. Taught by Robin Horn. She's pretty awesome. Very helpful and patient haha.

I danced as a follower. I'm cool with that. I'm not a big fan of the Hustle haha. So I don't need to learn the leader's part :P

There were two guys from my dance class there. Talked to both. Danced with both. Nick and Mark. Nice guys. Funny.

Teresa (I don't know if there's an "h" in her name) W was also there. She was in my acting class first semester. I see her around quite often haha. She's now president of the Ballroom Dance Club, so hopefully I'll see her the next three times I go to the lessons haha.

Not much to say, except that the dancing was fun :) And I really am a slow and steady person. I do not speed up very well haha. Hopefully, I'll remember some of the steps. Can't pay $3 to forget XP

Next week, Rumba. Awesome stuff. People should come with me haha. Anyone can come, learn. There were quite a few Viet people. About my mom's age, or a bit younger.

Oh yeah, and there was Bonnie. She was very nice. I think she's about my mom's age too. Very cool lady. Helped me learn the steps. She was as confused as I was at times haha. Thank you, Bonnie, for making me feel not alone.

How slippery

I don't like to lose control. I mean, I don't feel like I have much power over anything really in my life. But my sense of balance is one thing I can kinda control.

So today, during Hockey, I stayed off the ice for most of the class time >_< For the first ten minutes, I kept losing my balance, so I gave up. While the whole class was learning skating techniques, I just stood/sat and watched. The last ten to twenty minutes of class will always be free play. So the last ten minutes, I tried to skate one more time. Not much luck. I fell often. Really hard. I even hurt my back because I didn't fall properly.

And I need to go buy one of those lanyard things for my glasses. They kept sliding down, and I couldn't see anything.

What else? Oh, the reason I was so wobbly on my skates in the first place? My skate's were one size too big. I didn't know. I thought they were supposed to be a little loose. Maybe I'll be prepared next week haha.

Seriously though, today, I was embarrassed XP I thought I would remember something about skating from the fourth grade, but no, I didn't. There's like one other guy in my class who doesn't really know how to skate, but he tried.

Need to learn to let loose. Need to learn how to fall. Not be afraid. Very difficult when I've been taught to be very cautious. Like almost obnoxiously cautious. Take no risks. You would think my mom would teach to take risks. I mean, she took a really big risk with her life when she fled Viet Nam. I know, fleeing for your life and playing hockey are two totally different things. But I just wish she had taught me to do more. My life's been way too easy :/

Mm, so for most of the time that I spent on the ice, I was slipping and falling. I kept thinking, though, "Shit, I can't keep falling. I'll break my glasses if I fall too hard. If I break my glasses somehow, Mom's gonna kill me." I almost wanted to cry haha.

Oh, and I did cry a little. My sweat stung so badly. I didn't even know my sweat could sting.

Anyway, hopefully, I'll be a little more courageous next week XP Probably not, but I will try.

I'm hoping to go back tomorrow with someone to learn how to skate (don't know who if anyone yet). I was planning on doing that before school started, but I forgot. I just need some advice about how to stand and move forward. After I get the hang of that, I think I could catch up with hockey. Right now, I have no sense of balance.

And wow, do my ankles hurt! haha.

Anyway, tonight, I'm going to the Ballroom Dance Club lesson. Need to for class. Yay.

I should buy Febreze :P The hockey gear stinks.

Don't ride the light rail. They're listening >_> <_< >_>

So I took the light rail home with Amy, Christine, and Chris. We were talking about college and how lucky and grateful we are that we can go to college because we can pay for it (or, in my case, the government does). I expressed some guilt for getting financial aid while many others don't (because I don't even know if I want to be in college). We also talked about people who take their chances in life for granted. Or, more negatively, make so many mistakes that you must wonder what the hell is going through their head that would make them do stupid things.

Sitting in front of us, a blonde woman in her 30's or 40's turns around to "lecture" us. At first, we were confused because we didn't know what she was saying or to whom she was speaking. Then we realized she was talking to us, even though she wasn't facing us. I thought she was mad at us because we were talking about how lucky we were to be in college or something like that. I started to feel guilty because she said she and a lot of other people never got to go to college. However, the reason she never got to go to college was because they (don't know who "they" are, maybe the government) kidnapped her thirty times and relocated her to different camps or institutions around the country. She remembered one place in Utah. Some hospital. She recited the name of the place, but I don't remember. I was too busy being confused.

She rambled on about how she had to teach many different people (especially this one girl who was taken because no one "claimed her as their sister") how to escape from those camps because she had so much experience.

"Watch what you say. Say what you want to say. But don't say it in public."
"Don't have these conversations on the bus or the light rail."
"You think people don't hear you, but they hear you. They listen to your conversations."
"They can just take a microphone out of their ear and record everything you say."
"There are people who won't like what you say, and they'll take you. They'll just yank you right out and throw you into one of those [places]."
"I said my passport [password?] out loud twice. Twice. They took me and put me in a [place]."

I don't know what she actually called those places. I thought she was saying "cyborgs," but that doesn't make any sense. Not that anything she said really made sense. All I know is that she was scolding and warning us. And she wanted to save us from the same fate she has.

Seriously, at first, it sounded like she was angry at us for either having the chance to go to college or for talking about people who waste their chances. Then she just rambled.

Oh, when one red-headed guy was getting off the light rail, the woman pointed him out and said something about him texting. "See, you and your text messaging. They could follow you..." The guy just had a O_o look on his face and left.

Amy, Christine, Chris, and I just sat there. Quiet. They were texting people. I had to listen. Then, as Christine got off the light rail, I realized that I would be the last person in our group to get off the light rail. I didn't want to stay near the woman alone. So I asked Amy via unsent text if I could get a ride from her haha.

So when we got off at Snell, the woman also got off the light rail haha. What luck. Oh well. We walked slowly behind her so that she could move away from us first.

And yeah, yay for weird light rail strangers.

I don't know about the others, but I think that she's got some screws loose. Or, I don't know, someone dared her to be eccentric on the light rail.


Yeah, so today was interesting, to say the least. Other than the light rail lady, not much happened today.

AAS is as long as usual. I finished half a crossword puzzle in class haha.

In social dance, we worked on the turns, crossovers, and chases. We combined them. A little confused at first, but then I got the hang of it. Oh, and I'm going to revise my previous statement about the girls in my class: All but one (maybe two others) are comfortable dancing with me. I say this because after we finished practicing, she kinda pushed me away. When you let go of someone, you just kinda let your hands drop, yeah? She kinda just shoved my arms away as they were dropping. Of course, it could have been accidental, but she's the one who won't make small talk with me haha.

If she doesn't want to dance with me, I won't be offended. I think I'd prefer if she just say so. But eh, we're such a "nice" society.

Anyway, I'm kinda getting better. I can do the steps alone pretty well haha. With a partner, it's hit or miss. I succeeded with maybe six partners. The rest tended to step ahead of the beat. Some forget that I'm supposed to lead them. They turn and cross before I give them the signals because they're going early with the beat count rather than following my lead -_- But it's ok, we have weeks to improve. When there are no more beat counts, they'll have to follow better. And I'll hopefully be a better leader by then.


Mm, what else today? I went with Amy to Nob Hill haha. She bought brownie mix, icing, and a Thank-You card. Oh, and a beef stick. I can't say that with a straight face. That's why I call 'em Slim Jims.

So that's all. I really just wanted to update about the light rail lady haha. What a memory. Maybe I'll use it as an educational tale one day in the future. Include the story about the "PCP lady" from the Expo trip back in 2005 haha, yeaah. Fun stuff.

I really could complain about her all day long.

But I won't. I'm just going to silently fume (as paradoxical as that sounds).

I drove Mother and D to back to the dealership to discuss her concerns about a burning plastic smell and a price misunderstanding.

She can be really aggravating. She repeated the same questions at least eight times. And that is not an overstatement.

I really do often wonder how it's possible that we're mother and daughter. Then again, I have no patience with her anymore. So maybe we're more alike than I'd like to admit.

Anyway, it's official. The Avalon is mine. But Mother gets priority on it. What else? Oh, I've driven the new car more than Mother has. Fun. Might as well just give me the new car instead.

Just a couple of months. Then the Avalon is fully mine. No need for her to not take the Murano. She just needs to adapt. Fast. Please.

Test driving fun ^_^

So I drove everyone in the new car. Drove Tony to work. Drove Mother to an empty parking lot so she could learn how to drive.

It was fun driving. I adapted pretty quickly to the change in view and stuff. The rearview mirror is frickin' awesome. You can see the WHOLE back window. The side rearview mirrors take a little getting used to. But overall, fun drive.

Mother doesn't learn very quickly. This will take a while. She needs to learn how to adapt. But I guess, at her age, adaptation in any form is difficult compared to adaptation at my age.

So yeah, this will be interesting. By "this," I mean the whole car situation for the whole fam.

Anyway, yeah, fun stuff!

2009 Nissan Murano

So we got a new car. Relatively cheap. Marked down about $5000 from the MSRP. Yet, Mother kept complaining about the price. She irked me greatly today.

Lots of stuff can happen in two hours. But I won't mention everything here. Too much stuff. Not sure what I should say.

Well, one, while Rick Beal (salesman) was showing us car functions, Mother nearly hit a few people because apparently getting a new car means you completely forget how a car works. She seems to have forgotten how to use the windshield wipers and turn signals -__- How annoying.

Two, salesmen at Premier Nissan are genuinely nice ^_^ Rick accidentally scratched the car a tiny little bit with his watch and immediately told us. If he hadn't, we wouldn't have noticed. He told us to buy another car, same exact kind with no scratches. We took the slightly scratched car anyway. He felt really bad about the scratch. Good guy.

Three, paperwork was really fast. We only spent a total of two hours on the premises.

Four, we learned we can never lock our keys in the car.

Five, there really isn't much use for the key.

Six, there is a sunroof. And then there's a skylight for the passengers in the back.

Seven, there are just so many features and functions that Brother and I will have a field day exploring the Murano.

Eight, I miss the Dodge. D traded it in for $500. The Dodge has been with us for most of my life. I almost cried. I really am sad.


So, Mother doesn't know how to drive an SUV. I told her she needs to start driving to learn. She says no. She'll wait until she's used to the car -_- Can't get used to it if you don't drive it. So D will now start driving the Cressida. The Avalon is supposed to be mine. However, Mother's paranoia is, again, very irksome.

She's going to keep driving the Avalon, dropping me off at the light rail station. I am not happy. Give me a car, and then take away my driving privilege a few months later. I did not agree with this decision. But I have no voice in the matter.

I have to wait at least several months before I can truly say the Avalon is mine.

And geez, she's being really ignorant. She's acting like the Murano is completely foreign. Like everything has been rearranged in the vehicle. As if the ignition has been placed on the passenger side (not really, but you kinda get what I mean, yeah?).

But yeah, yay, new vehicle. That Mother won't drive very often. Until months later. "When people aren't paying attention."

Yeah, I don't get it either.

I'm having a lil difficulty with the cha cha.

So I danced as a leader today. That was interesting. Some of the girls were cool with it. A few I could tell they were bothered by it. They had a blank-stare kinda look when I partnered with them (We dance in a circle and switch partners about every thirty seconds).

I have to admit it is awkward for me to even be dancing with anyone, let alone girls haha. And a lot of them are taller than me, so it was hard for me to turn them XP

So we learned how to chase and do a crossover. Fun stuff. I need to work on a lot. My feet and my brain don't always agree. Usually, it's when my left foot should go forward. Instead, my right foot goes, and I lose my balance XP I'll work on it. I need to work on my sense of rhythm as well haha.

Oh, practicing steps with a partner is a lot easier than practicing alone. Just saying. Alone, you can get the basic steps. With a partner, things just make more sense haha.

Mm, I'm trying to talk to some people in my class when we're dancing. Some are conversational. Some are nice. And some just don't seem to give a shit. I don't know if it's me or if it's because it's the second week of school. I hope it's the latter. I want to make friends. C'mon, people, work with me here T_T I'm so alone in that class. I mean, Cody Jackson isn't even there anymore. I don't think any of the students who wanted to add got in :/ Sucks 'cause one of them was really cool. Though, I thought she was already in the class -shrug-

Should I try harder to talk to people? The thought still scares me: starting conversations with strangers. I've done it before, and I'm sure I could do it again. Successfully. It's just I don't like it when people look at me like I'm too weird to talk to :( Makes me feel even sadder than I already do.


Mm, so I haven't had any homework except for lots of reading. It's relaxing in a way, but I'm worried about when the profs start assigning essays. Not sure how prepared I'll be. Oh, and yay. I'm taking the WST (Writing Skills Test) on the 26th. Fun stuff. I hope I pass. It would suck if I didn't. But even if I pass, I still can't take upper division courses. Grr. We'll see how I work this all out in the future. I just hope I can deal. I feel like stress is just gonna jump out of nowhere and strangle me to death. Not a good feeling. It's almost like paranoia.


Edit: I forgot to mention that Tuan had called me last night, and I called him back today. He offered me a job. I asked him what the company was called. He gave me the same answers Maria gave me back in January. Is this what the company trains you to do? Avoid giving direct answers to questions. While I was on the light rail home with Amy, Michelle R, and Anthony(?), I had like a six-minute argument with Tuan on the phone about why I don't like direct marketing, MLMs, and the idea of working for Usana. Why this company is not compatible with me is that you need the motivation to sell and recruit. I can't without qualms sell expensive health products and recruit friends into a business where the potential for failure is higher than it is in a job where you have a set wage. I would choose a wage over commissions any day. And although MLMs aren't always a Ponzi scheme, there are some parallels between the scheme and the structure of MLMs. I don't like that risk. Besides, I am definitely not entertained by the idea of selling fucking expensive products to people, especially during a recession (even though it's slowly getting better).

I don't think I would ever go into business. It's just not in my nature :P haha.

Tuesdays are gonna be long school days.

Mm, had Physics today. Was late to Philosophy because I only have fifteen minutes to get from one side of campus to the other, ugh.

After Philosophy, I hung out with Rose, Angela H, and John (I think that was his name) in the Student Union. Then Tommy (Rose's boyfriend) came, and we all went to the LDS church down the street for lunch. Free lunch every Tuesday. Had a short, interesting conversation with one of the LDS members. He's like the chair of the luncheon or something like that haha. He was cool.

After the short lunch, I went to my lab class. The group walked with me there. Lots of fun stuff. Angela was haunted by a wasp. John cares more about his Olympus than about people's welfare haha. Oh, Rose wants to join a sorority (I do not know how serious that statement is).

Anyway, lab was eh. I underestimated the amount of time I would need to complete a lab. That's for sure. Took me and my lab partners the whole period to finish a simple lab. Not much physics in it either. The prof, Brian Holmes, is interesting. At first, I kinda thought he was a cranky old guy. Then after a while, he turned out to be a pretty nice old guy haha. But ah, there are eleven labs to complete. Must finish by the end of each class period :O

I finished my lab and left at about 1600. Sat on a bench and did my history reading until 1715. After I finished reading, I walked across campus to Building BB for the first QTIP meeting of the semester. Looked like there were at least 30 of us crammed into a room about as big as my mom's room, possibly smaller.

The officers introduced themselves. Resource people as well. Played ice breakers. First, Telephone. The message was messed up at my part. The room wasn't quiet enough for me to even get the first word. All I heard was literally "mm uh oll." So I said some random thing. The final message was "Pottable (portable?) ____ plants." The original message was "Penguins are cool" haha.

The second game was "I love people who..." I'm pretty sure most people know this game. You stand in a circle, and one person stands in the middle and says "I love people who (fill in the blank)." Whoever fits the description has to switch places with someone else who fits the description. Whoever is last to find a spot has to be in the middle. Yeah, so we played that until everyone had a chance in the middle. Great way to learn people's names.

Then there were some announcements about new groups/activities/etc on campus, like Peers in Pride. It's a mentoring program btw.

Also, a challenge: bring a friend to next week's meeting. I don't think I will. Everyone I know either goes straight home after their morning classes or has class during the meeting. Hm.

Mm, after the meeting was over, we could all stay back and talk to new people. But I left right away. Maybe I'll stay back next week. Not today. Mother would have had a heart attack if she didn't see me before sunset. But now I've told her that Tuesdays will be my very long days. So she shouldn't expect me home early because of lab and stuff.

I can't tell her that I'm going to a queer student group. She would freak out.

You know, I thought she was ok with my being gay. But I dunno, must be a delayed reaction or something. It's been almost two years since I came out to her. Then, she freaked out but then she bit her tongue and let me believe she was ok with it. She never brought it up. I didn't either. Brother kept mentioning gay-related topics, but she brushed it all aside. Then she started talking about "the gays trying hard to get married" and Newsom being gay. There was that day that she told me while I was sleepy that I shouldn't be gay. Lately, she's been dropping more hints. "When you get married to a man and have kids..." or "Your future husband will want to see this..." There's always an emphasis on "man," "boyfriend," and "husband." Even when she doesn't say those words, there's a look in her eyes that says I shouldn't disagree with her.

Ahh, I thought we were ok with it. But I guess not. I guess I was deluding myself :/ I think if I told my mom that I'm gay one more time, she would say "No, you're not. You shouldn't be." Not sure if it would be as bad as the first time, but who knows? I don't. Nor do I want to know. From now on, I'm not gonna tell her anything about my personal life. Not that I ever really did before. Then again, I don't really have much going on in my personal life anyway haha.

I'm jealous of people who can talk to their parents. I'm never gonna have that relationship with my family, at least not my mom. My brother, maybe. I'd probably tell him if I had a girlfriend. But that's not likely to happen anytime soon haha, I'm such a geek XP

Yo, so I want to make something clear. Or maybe not very clear, but at least I'm stating it: I like girls. I can see myself being in a relationship with a girl. Boys are ok, but not my preference. Of course, I'm not completely ruling boys out because anything is possible :) It's like a ratio of attraction (in terms of gender). Boys to girls, 1:100.

People are still calling me bi. I don't know. I guess that could describe me, but I haven't been looking at guys much lately :P Then again, I haven't liked anyone in over a year.

Ah, so I don't know how I identify myself. Lesbian or bisexual. Why do I have to label myself? Makes it easier to describe myself, I think haha. Eh, we'll see how this goes.

Let's see how many queer friends I'll have by the end of this semester. Well, I guess that means I'll have to commit to this group, yeah? Mm, commitment. But seriously, I still only know a few gay people. I've got Brian, Trung, Rose. Is that it? I'm pretty sure I know a few more, but I can't think of them off the top of my head. So I guess I don't know that many. How sad. I need more friends.

And I know. No matter how often I say I need more friends, I'm not gonna make more friends until I put myself out there. I'm trying. People still just scare me a lot. This will be a slow process but hopefully a successful one.

Mm, time to practice my cha cha steps. Need to ingrain this basic shizz in my brain.