Tuesdays are gonna be long school days.

Mm, had Physics today. Was late to Philosophy because I only have fifteen minutes to get from one side of campus to the other, ugh.

After Philosophy, I hung out with Rose, Angela H, and John (I think that was his name) in the Student Union. Then Tommy (Rose's boyfriend) came, and we all went to the LDS church down the street for lunch. Free lunch every Tuesday. Had a short, interesting conversation with one of the LDS members. He's like the chair of the luncheon or something like that haha. He was cool.

After the short lunch, I went to my lab class. The group walked with me there. Lots of fun stuff. Angela was haunted by a wasp. John cares more about his Olympus than about people's welfare haha. Oh, Rose wants to join a sorority (I do not know how serious that statement is).

Anyway, lab was eh. I underestimated the amount of time I would need to complete a lab. That's for sure. Took me and my lab partners the whole period to finish a simple lab. Not much physics in it either. The prof, Brian Holmes, is interesting. At first, I kinda thought he was a cranky old guy. Then after a while, he turned out to be a pretty nice old guy haha. But ah, there are eleven labs to complete. Must finish by the end of each class period :O

I finished my lab and left at about 1600. Sat on a bench and did my history reading until 1715. After I finished reading, I walked across campus to Building BB for the first QTIP meeting of the semester. Looked like there were at least 30 of us crammed into a room about as big as my mom's room, possibly smaller.

The officers introduced themselves. Resource people as well. Played ice breakers. First, Telephone. The message was messed up at my part. The room wasn't quiet enough for me to even get the first word. All I heard was literally "mm uh oll." So I said some random thing. The final message was "Pottable (portable?) ____ plants." The original message was "Penguins are cool" haha.

The second game was "I love people who..." I'm pretty sure most people know this game. You stand in a circle, and one person stands in the middle and says "I love people who (fill in the blank)." Whoever fits the description has to switch places with someone else who fits the description. Whoever is last to find a spot has to be in the middle. Yeah, so we played that until everyone had a chance in the middle. Great way to learn people's names.

Then there were some announcements about new groups/activities/etc on campus, like Peers in Pride. It's a mentoring program btw.

Also, a challenge: bring a friend to next week's meeting. I don't think I will. Everyone I know either goes straight home after their morning classes or has class during the meeting. Hm.

Mm, after the meeting was over, we could all stay back and talk to new people. But I left right away. Maybe I'll stay back next week. Not today. Mother would have had a heart attack if she didn't see me before sunset. But now I've told her that Tuesdays will be my very long days. So she shouldn't expect me home early because of lab and stuff.

I can't tell her that I'm going to a queer student group. She would freak out.

You know, I thought she was ok with my being gay. But I dunno, must be a delayed reaction or something. It's been almost two years since I came out to her. Then, she freaked out but then she bit her tongue and let me believe she was ok with it. She never brought it up. I didn't either. Brother kept mentioning gay-related topics, but she brushed it all aside. Then she started talking about "the gays trying hard to get married" and Newsom being gay. There was that day that she told me while I was sleepy that I shouldn't be gay. Lately, she's been dropping more hints. "When you get married to a man and have kids..." or "Your future husband will want to see this..." There's always an emphasis on "man," "boyfriend," and "husband." Even when she doesn't say those words, there's a look in her eyes that says I shouldn't disagree with her.

Ahh, I thought we were ok with it. But I guess not. I guess I was deluding myself :/ I think if I told my mom that I'm gay one more time, she would say "No, you're not. You shouldn't be." Not sure if it would be as bad as the first time, but who knows? I don't. Nor do I want to know. From now on, I'm not gonna tell her anything about my personal life. Not that I ever really did before. Then again, I don't really have much going on in my personal life anyway haha.

I'm jealous of people who can talk to their parents. I'm never gonna have that relationship with my family, at least not my mom. My brother, maybe. I'd probably tell him if I had a girlfriend. But that's not likely to happen anytime soon haha, I'm such a geek XP

Yo, so I want to make something clear. Or maybe not very clear, but at least I'm stating it: I like girls. I can see myself being in a relationship with a girl. Boys are ok, but not my preference. Of course, I'm not completely ruling boys out because anything is possible :) It's like a ratio of attraction (in terms of gender). Boys to girls, 1:100.

People are still calling me bi. I don't know. I guess that could describe me, but I haven't been looking at guys much lately :P Then again, I haven't liked anyone in over a year.

Ah, so I don't know how I identify myself. Lesbian or bisexual. Why do I have to label myself? Makes it easier to describe myself, I think haha. Eh, we'll see how this goes.

Let's see how many queer friends I'll have by the end of this semester. Well, I guess that means I'll have to commit to this group, yeah? Mm, commitment. But seriously, I still only know a few gay people. I've got Brian, Trung, Rose. Is that it? I'm pretty sure I know a few more, but I can't think of them off the top of my head. So I guess I don't know that many. How sad. I need more friends.

And I know. No matter how often I say I need more friends, I'm not gonna make more friends until I put myself out there. I'm trying. People still just scare me a lot. This will be a slow process but hopefully a successful one.

Mm, time to practice my cha cha steps. Need to ingrain this basic shizz in my brain.