Clutter.

I have no idea if and how I am ever going to move into and live in a bigger place. More space... just the thought of it makes me feel nervous, just very slightly anxious.

My current room is probably about 9' x 10'. My bed takes up just less than half of that area. There are also a computer desk, a small chair, and a dresser. Everything else (luggage, boxes of memorabilia, laundry basket, some clothes, random stuff) fits in my closet. I have just about everything I own with me in my room.

If you recall, I spent a lot of time over the past year or so reorganizing, tossing, and donating my things because I wanted to prepare myself to move out of Mother's home and also just to not have so much stuff I didn't need. (There is still so much left that I could get rid of, but I'm attached to some things.) By the standards of some of my friends, I have very few things, and it's all very organized. I look at my space, and I see so much more room for improvement.

I still see so much clutter. I want to get rid of more things, but I'm afraid I'll regret tossing something out. So far I haven't yet regretted anything I've gotten rid of, except maybe a CD or two from my childhood but it's not really regret; I'm not beating myself up over them.

I think I may be slightly obsessive about how much I have and compulsive about de-cluttering. Most days, I will myself to not think about any of it. But when I can't will myself, I just think a dresser and a box or two should be able to hold all my stuff; however, that's not the case, and it annoys me that I can't fit most of my things into that amount of space. I feel uncomfortable with the knowledge that I have so much stuff.

I may or may not go into another de-cluttering frenzy soon. You know, where I sort my stuff out, feel satisfied for about a day, and repeat. Yeah, I may have an issue. I'm not even joking. When I'm in my room, I tend to feel like there's too much around me and just want to get rid of everything. Except obviously I don't let myself do it because I know some of these things are important.

-sigh- I don't even know why I obsess about this. I didn't before, did I? I don't even buy that much stuff. I usually spend money on food, gas, and a necessary item here and there. Last time I went to Target was to buy health-related things, a carton of ice cream, and string cheese haha. I dislike shopping, but I do it. When I do, I don't buy much. So I don't understand why I feel like I have too much. I mean, I do add things to my room sometimes but not because I bought it. Most things I add to my collection of possessions usually come in the form of gifts from others or just my family's contributions to my well-being. And I have the hardest time getting rid of those because my appreciation of people's generosity prevents me from doing so.

What was the point of this post? To share my current late-night obsession. I can't sleep >: I keep thinking about how I'm going to reorganize things or get rid of them. Also thinking about going to Target tomorrow to buy a plastic storage container to put all my memorabilia in. They're currently stored in two stacked boxes, which Shiva gave me a few months back. I would keep them in those boxes, except a cockroach found its way into my room a few mornings ago. I freaked out because I keep my room clean; the fact that a roach still found my room welcoming annoys me. So I read online that cardboard boxes can attract both roaches and spiders. Plastic containers would be better for storage. I also like plastic because critters generally don't chew through or find their way into those sealed containers.

Also, if I could fit the stuff from two boxes into one container, that would be awesome. Trying to reduce the quantity of boxes I use to store things. I was debating whether to get one or two plastic storage containers. I think one is good; two will just leave too much empty space in one container haha. I don't like having too much extra storage space... Just having enough extra space is good. I know I'm weird.

So I feel like moving into a much bigger place, like an apartment, either leaves me with a lot of unused space or with a potential urge to fill in the space. Either way, I don't think I would be very happy. I think I'm very happy in a small space like my current bedroom, even if I wish I had a bathroom and a kitchenette attached directly to my room or lived in a room that was 12' x 12'. Or had a twin-sized bed instead of a full-sized one :P I'm pretty sure I would only be happy moving into a larger space if I were to have a roommate who took up a little more than half the space haha. Otherwise, like I already stated, the idea of that much space for myself just makes me nervous.

Oh man, I don't know how I'm going to survive in this world if this is a major concern of mine hahaha.

Seriously though, I don't want to take up space that I feel like I don't need, but I'm still taking up that space.

I know, eventually, I'll figure this out and hopefully find a good balance of space or something. Now, I must try to sleep.

Thanks for reading this ridiculous post. It made me feel a little better to type it out. Good night.

Obsessive cleaning and reorganizing.

Is it obsessive?

I've spent a significant portion of each day for the past five(?) days, meticulously going through my things to clean and to recycle. Every day, I manage to rid myself of at least a small trash bin of items. I put the rest of my things back into the various boxes. It takes me at least an hour to do all of this.

I go through each thing, and I think about why I want to keep it. Usually, it is some sort of souvenir from my past, mainly from my academic career, my time with Shiva, and my trips to AX. I debate about... well, I dunno what I debate about. It's more of a feeling about whether I would like to keep the item or not. It is difficult because I am attached to my souvenirs. I used to look at them all the time to remember parts of my past. But they add to the clutter of things that I don't need. I try to tell myself to keep things that I may need in the future or which remind me of important parts of my life. When I'm satisfied, I put all my things back into their respective boxes and place the boxes back in my dresser.

Fifteen minutes later, the boxes are back out, and I'm pondering the same thoughts again. Occasionally, I manage to choose one or two more things to recycle. Usually old high school assignments. Then I pack the boxes away. Then I take them out again. Then away, and then out. I've repeated this process probably twenty or thirty times in the past couple of days. Every time I feel satisfied and put everything away, I start thinking about that one thing or other that I really don't need but kept anyway. Then I take everything out, look at that one thing, wonder about it, make a decision, and then do the same for everything else.

Lately, when I go to bed, my mind is plagued with thoughts about the things that I don't need. I start making a mental list of things that I should get rid of when I wake up. But the boxes-out, boxes-in cycle repeats itself. I have small boxes of things I want. But it bothers me that I have so much clutter. I'm pretty sure that eventually I will get rid of most of the stuff I've kept. It's just a matter of time and a matter of me letting go.

I don't know why I hang on to some of the stuff I have. They are so trivial. So unimportant to me, but I want to keep them. Examples would be report cards, Principal's Award certificates, Honor Roll certificates, and standardized test scores. These things mean very little to me, but I can't throw them out just yet. Why do I keep these things? I look at these things, and I feel nothing about them. I don't feel proud or anything like that. They're just pieces of paper that prove my teachers liked me back in junior high and high school, I knew how to please my teachers, some teachers played favorites, and I knew how to take a test. Other than that, these papers show very little about me. They don't help me remember much of who I was, other than being some supposedly smart kid.

And trust me; I read some of my old writing before I threw most of it out; I don't know how I got A's and B's on half the stuff I wrote. I think the only teacher who ever gave me grades that I agreed with was Mohr. B's, C's, and D's. I may have gotten an F once, but I'm not sure if I'm misremembering that. So I'll just say a D was the lowest grade I've ever gotten in Mohr's class or in school really. Her class made me feel like shit, and I didn't try harder. In fact, I stopped trying hard, especially in her class. That explains why I got a C on my final individual project, comparing myself to Nick Carraway. I think I really only passed her class because my classmates were lenient when grading my stuff and my final group project was with a bunch of my very smart and dedicated friends. Anyway, sorry, this was a tangent...

I think I want to hang on to these papers because I want someone else to see them. Someone important in my life. I just want to share the trivia of my life with someone important to me. Just to have someone who's seen this part of me that I don't care about, just so he or she knows that there was this part of my life that used to feel so important but isn't anymore. Recognition and adults who were proud of me. Just see that. Then I can throw it all away. And not look back at it and feel nothing.

I don't know if this makes sense. I just have letting-go issues haha.

But yeah, I'm slowly getting rid of things. I don't remember half the things I've recycled already. I've been told I might regret throwing things away. But it's ok. I'm more afraid that I'll try to keep all of these things close, and they'll be taken away from me for good. At least, this way, it's my choice to lose these things.

Besides, it's so much clutter! I'm hoping to whittle down my possessions enough so that they all fit into  one or two boxes. Now, I've got a small box of books, a bigger box of school stuff, a shoebox of knickknacks and souvenirs, and a cookie tin of random haha. I've still got other things that are not in boxes, but they're mainly photo albums, yearbooks, Sudoku books, and a couple of things I'd rather give away or sell than recycle.

I also can't forget that I have things that won't fit in conventional moving boxes. I've got a reverse blade; no idea what I will do with it. It's a nice souvenir from AX haha. I've also got a hockey stick; pretty good for self-defense :P Also for hockey if I ever play again. I've got bad artwork from a summer art class I took years ago.

I'm liking the space that I've made in my dresser. Once I get rid of some more stuff and give away or sell a few items, I think I'll feel much better about the stuff I'm keeping. Living with as few things as possible would be great. A change from the lifestyle I've had, living with Mother and Brother.

Honestly, I think once I move out, take all my things with me, and share them with someone other than myself, I'll be at ease. I won't obsess so much about reorganizing my stuff. I can share all these souvenirs that my family hasn't even really seen. I think I really just want someone to see the things I've kept to myself all these years, to see the things that I've treasured for some reason.

Souvenirs, reminders, keepsakes. They all remind me of some part of my life. Some event. Some transition. Some person. Something in my life. I feel like I'd forget them without the souvenirs. Except, every time I look through my things, there's something there that never reminded me of anything or no longer reminds me. I look at it, and I try to remember. But I can't. But if it's there, I know it's important, or at least it was. So why can't I remember it? At this point, I decide either to toss it out because it doesn't remind me anymore or to keep it in the hopes that I will remember again. I usually don't remember it again. So now I usually decide to toss it.

It just makes me unhappy to keep all these things that don't remind me of anything. As for the things that still remind me, I'm afraid one day they'll stop. I'm not ready for that.

Anyway, tomorrow, I'll probably take everything out and go through it all once more. I don't know exactly when I'll be satisfied and stop. Maybe I won't stop until I feel annoyed that there's nothing left to get rid of. Or maybe I really do just need to sort through my things with someone significant, and I'll be satisfied then. I dunno. We'll see what happens.

Before I forget, because I probably will, I need to list all the things I plan to give away or sell: flashlight/UV light, Long Day's Journey into Night, The Importance of Being Earnest, The Lovely Bones, TI-83 Plus, The All-American Rejects' self-titled album, and Muse's Absolution album.

If you or anyone you know would like any of these things, please let me know. Otherwise, I don't really know to whom I should give or sell them yet.

Woo! So much blather lately. I'm sorry. I'm hoping my next entry will be more... Interesting? Different?

Winter cleaning?

Actually, it's more like six months of cleaning... Sooo summer-autumn-winter cleaning! I've been dusting, wiping down, and clearing stuff out of my room every few weeks since the summer.

I don't know what else to do. Aside from being on the job hunt, reading, and watching movies and shows, I haven't had much else to do at home. Every time I think about the stuff I own, my first thought is always "I have way too much stuff." Then I think of the clutter, and clutter bothers me >.< So I start going through my stuff and tossing them.

I've reduced my wardrobe a lot, but I also got new clothes for Christmas so XP Inane details ahead, so you can skip the rest of this paragraph: I used to have like 36 pairs of pants; now, I have nineteen, including five pairs of blue jeans. Shorts went from eight pairs to four pairs. I reduced the number of shirts I own from 60+ to just thirteen T-shirts, two polos, two long-sleeved shirts, two flannels, and nine button-ups. I'm planning to get rid of more of my graphic tees once I can buy more solid-colored shirts, especially polos. And I still have thirteen hoodies, jackets, and coats, which is fewer than the twenty I used to have. I'm still planning to get rid of some more clothes. Make it easier for myself to fit my clothes into one luggage thing. (What are they called? I never knew.)

I'm not too worried about moving my clothes though. I'm more wary of moving all my other stuff. I have to leave them with Mother. But I would much rather take them with me. However, I've been throwing out a lot of souvenirs. Especially yesterday. Trying to make space for few things in the fewest amount of boxes. Except I'm using small boxes. Like tiny ones.

It seems I don't have that much stuff anymore, which is good. Yay for less clutter! I've got my books in one box; random, small things in a shoebox, a Verizon box, and two cookie tins; and school stuff in an SJSU box. When I move, my clothes will be in one luggage, my hats and scarf will be in one of my cloth bags, my CDs will probably go in a small box, along with my yearbooks and photo albums.

Moving out is stuck on my mind. I'm a little anxious about it. Not because I'm moving out, but because I feel like I have so much to do to prepare for it (so that I don't mess up Mother's living situation) and I don't want to continue to be tied down to Mother. Except I know she's trying to keep me around. She's suggested that after I move out, eventually I should move back in with her >.> I don't have the nerve to tell her that I plan to move away from San Jose one day. But I did say I would never want to move back in. Once I'm out, I'm out for good.

I'm thinking about moving out so often... I don't want to forget anything. That's why I'm blogging about where I'm putting stuff. So I don't forget I already have a plan for how I'm going to transfer my stuff. If I have as few possessions as possible, I can just take it all with me when I move in with Shiva and Killol. Because right now, my plan is just to take my clothes, towel, blanket, netbook, and a few other necessities with me. If I can put all my stuff into a few small boxes or one medium-sized box, I can just take it all with me. When I move into my own room later, I'll take my bed, coat stand, a dresser, and maybe my desktop and desk. Maybe I'll sell my bed and get a twin-sized bed too. A full-size is so big for me >.>

Still have so much stuff I don't need. Also good exercise for letting things go. Still so hard to let go -sigh- I just want to keep things I need. Goal: Small and few. Minimalist lifestyle! It would be so much easier to do once Mother stops telling me what to do and telling me that I'm too cheap or I act too poor. I just want to live a simple life. I'm not a decorative or extravagant person on most days. I just need to let go!

Sorry, that last paragraph was random. But yeah, I'm gonna try to live the life I want to live. Butting heads with Mother will happen because she wants me to do all these things for her that I can't afford to do yet. Nor do I want to at this point in my life. I just wanna know what it's like to take care of myself first. She wants me to buy a house, so that our whole family can live together <.< That's just not what I want. One, I don't want to live with her again. Two, I don't want to live in or own a house. Three, she's trying to plan my life without my input. It's frustrating. She's making plans that I don't see myself being a part of. At the least, when I can afford to, I will help pay for her living space, food, clothes, and leisure. But she's making plans like she expects me to do it within the next year or two. I won't. I don't expect to be making enough money for all that for at least the next four or five years. Even when I get to that point, I don't know how extravagant I will be with my spending. If I still spend less on myself, then yeah I can spend more on her. But if I start spending on myself like how she spends on herself, I won't be able to take care of her the way she wants me to.

Also, at that point in my life, I might have a significant other. I don't know where my priorities will be then.

I just wish she'd let me figure out my life for myself. I have (ideas of) plans for how I want to live and how to save my money and everything, but she won't listen to me. If she keeps butting into my life and trying to change it so that it fits what she wants, I'm going to feel less and less inclined to share my plans (and savings) with her. She's just gotta let me do my thing and trust that I will learn how to take care of myself, come back, and take care of her when I can. Making me take care of her now when I don't even know how to care for myself is one of the worst things she can do. But, of course, she won't listen. So I'm going to have to figure out how to do what I want to do while still appeasing her.

Wish me luck XP

I'm digging a Facebook grave...

So I was recently on a two-week Facebook hiatus. It was nice. I became much more socially withdrawn haha, but I was happy. No triggers. Few people talked to me, and I talked to few people. It was really nice. I had more time for myself, instead spending it staring at my newsfeed.

Yesterday night, I logged in. Sixteen notifications were waiting for me. Only half of them actually had anything to do directly with me. And four of those were redundant notifications about someone posting a photo about me and someone else liking that photo or liking my latest status. All the other notifications were event invites; I missed two events /: That made me sad. I completely forgot about one of those events. So sad. But it's ok; I spent yesterday hiking with Vivi instead of going to the party I missed, so it was worth it.

After responding to and liking a few things, I decided that my life feels good without Facebook. It's nice to stay connected with friends, but I'm not that connected to most people on Facebook. I spend most of my time looking at my news feed, trying to absorb the details (I'm compulsive in that way), instead of actually communicating with friends. I tried the whole commenting on people's statuses to communicate with them, but I really prefer having an actual conversation no matter how rarely it happens. The few people to whom I am very close call or talk to me in person when they need talk to me. They don't use Facebook to tell me urgent things. This can apply to everyone I know. I'm going to make it apply to everyone I know.

So I'm weaning off Facebook. Really, this time, I mean it. I like not being constantly updated about other people's lives. It confuses me about whose lives I know about. I'm sure I'm going to occasionally be anxious about what I'm missing out on, but I know I survived life without Facebook before it came into being.

If anyone wants to reach me, I left a nice status with a list of various means of communication.

I'm simplifying my lifestyle... That's the best way I can put it. I like simple. One could argue Facebook is simple because it aggregates all of your friends on one website. But that's not simple to me. There are levels of friendship, and most of my Facebook friends are not on the top levels. My closest friends talk to me face-to-face or via phone. My less close friends occasionally like my status, respond to my messages, and comment on my page or photos. My least close friends don't reply to my Facebook comments. Ever. The least close friends are connected to me because we've met at least once and Facebook says we know each other.

It's nice to be connected and to reconnect. But I would like to let life filter my friendships naturally. I'm hanging on to friends who don't talk to me but constantly wish to add me on Facebook.

And really, leaving Facebook isn't a big deal. Most people won't notice, unless they decide they want to talk to me. But hey, if they want to talk to me, like I said, I made a nice list of media through which communication  may occur. The friends who talk to me like they always do don't need to worry about my leaving Facebook. The friends who don't talk to me often will have to decide if they want to talk to me and make an effort to do so.

I, on the other hand, am honestly content not talking to most people. We can occasionally catch up, and I'll be happy with that. The constant bombardment of updates, however, is not my cup of tea. Reminders of how I don't talk to most friends don't sit well with me either. I guess I'm maintaining my "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. With Facebook out of the way, I won't fret about the numerous friends who are actually more like acquaintances. Or sadly, friends who become acquaintances. Instead, I can do what I've wanted to do: Let my friendships go wherever they go and be happy with what has taken place. If friendships fade away, they fade away. I can let go of those.

If I want to reconnect, I will find a way to reconnect. Or let life give me a way to reconnect. Facebook was once that way of reconnection, and that was great. I thank Facebook (and Myspace) for helping me reconnect with childhood friends, but Facebook has done all it can for me in that department.


Hmm, this probably says a lot about me and how I handle friendships more than anything else. I'm rationalizing leaving Facebook. I like it, but I'm dependent on it for human connection. And that's just not how I want to live. I'm leaving Facebook, so I can be a better, closer friend to some people, instead of being "that one friend" to so many people on Facebook.

Remember that question about whether you would prefer to have a few close friends or a lot of not-so-close friends? This is my answer: A few close friends I can feel personally connected to. And the few friends I've chosen to be close to don't need Facebook to keep our friendship.

All of the other amazing friends I have that I really only talk to through Facebook... I love you, but there's more to communication than Facebook.


Maybe it's just me, but I feel like this whole thing is a part of my recent need to clean out parts of my life. I've been getting rid of clothes, school memorabilia, papers, and a lot of other fond-memory-related things. Mainly because I don't need them. But also because they cluttered my room and reminded me of the past. My way of holding on to the past was through keepsakes. It made me feel good to let go of the things that I gave or threw away. There's still more I could do without, except I'm sure at some point my mom will yell at me for not keeping them. She's already done that because I got rid of so many articles of clothing.


Simplify. Simple living. That's what I want. Also, to do things I've been afraid to do. Like throwing out "memories." I'm holding on to some memories. But I can't hold on to everything. I need to get that engrained in my brain.


Blah. Rambling.


Wow. Just realized we're halfway through July... Whaaat?

Last two weeks of 2010...

Finals have been interesting. I pretty much spent most of every weekday this week with Shiva haha.
Slept over Sunday and Thursday nights.
Social Theory final on Monday was difficult as expected. Shiva and I were almost a split-second late to the 7h30 final.
On Tuesday, I hung out with Shiva in between her finals and after. After her Psych final, we hung out in her classroom so that she could get her score for the exam (which she didn't). Talked to her Indian prof about us XP I felt kinda awkward.
On Wednesday (our free day), I was supposed to go to campus to hang out with Shiva. However, I had to stay home all day because I did something idiotic the night before. I left my key in the front door all night. Totally forgot about my keys ;-; It was bad. Wednesday morning, Mother woke up and went outside. She saw the keys and freaked out. She's been telling all her friends about it ever since -_- She got hella paranoid, thinking someone got my keys, copied them, and then returned them to the door o_o I don't know why they would do that. I'd just try to break in right then and there. But anyway, yeah, that was fun -_-
So on Wednesday, Shiva came to my house instead. At first, it was just to hang out. But Mother asked if Shiva wanted to sleep over again. So Shiva slept over :P (Hm, we did a lot of sleeping this week). We watched "Repo Men" and "3 Idiots." Fun stuff :)
Shiva and I were up early on Thursday because I had my 100W final at 9h45. Yay, light rail. Final was simple. An analysis of an argument. Also got back my research paper. A, yay. Spent the rest of the day in Shiva's room.
Friday, woke up early for 7h15 final. My PHIL 57 final was much more difficult than I thought. Two essays and two truth tables. The essays were unexpected >_> I think I forgot to mention stuff in them. Oh well. Spent the rest of the day helping Shiva clean stuff out of her room. Took some of it home for myself XP
I don't remember if we were packing and cleaning on Thursday x_x How sad.
Anyway, we went to Christmas in the Park again with Q&A. Yay, rain that slowly builds up force (sadness for Shiva not wanting to share my umbrella with me ;-;). Finally saw the QTIP tree. Walked around a bit looking at trees and stuff. Shiva and I stopped by Bank of America haha. Met up with Killol. Listened to the carolers on the stage for a bit. Then Shiva and I left the group to go back to campus. On the way back, we stopped in an expensive bakery to get an eclair and a chocolate-dipped madeleine. Tasty.
Around 19h00, D came to drive Shiva and me to the SJ airport. Rain and darkness. And some confusion. Dropped Shiva off a little ways off from her entrance because we didn't know where to stop haha. Massive hugs and "miss you's" before I got back in the car and Shiva went on her way.

Anyway, yeah, I don't really remember everything that's happened this week. But that's ok. Maybe Shiva will fill in some details XD haha.... Oh, ate at the DC quite often this week.

Oh, yesterday, or rather Friday night, I forgot my wallet was still in my jeans and threw it all into the wash ): Yesterday, Mother found it before it went in the dryer. She got mad at me and my absentmindedness. Paper stuff were all ruined. Threw out all the business cards except one or two. Brother's photo got words inked onto it from a piece of a paper I had. Mother was angry about that too; bad luck. So she prayed and then tore the picture to discard it. Luckily, there were still three more of that picture. Senior ball photo was wet but ok. Back into the wallet haha. Now, my wallet is still slightly damp but lighter :P

I feel like I'm forgetting too many things this week. Keys, wallet. Reminds me of all the times I forgot other things that couldn't be saved ): Jackets, hats, iPod, cash.. So sad.

Random: Yay for repealing DADT!

Anyway, yesterday (Saturday), I spent all day organizing some of my music files and my desk, yay. Realized I should sell my textbooks soon. Watched "Memento."

Today, I got up and started organizing my room. Spent about five hours going through my backpack and my drawers. Tossing stuff out. Putting things in different, neater places. I don't remember if I gave all my junk away, but the bag of stuff that I had wanted to give away is missing. Still need to get rid of water color markers and paint(?). Re-discovered my wristbands, bandannas, and arm warmers. Stickers and stick-on tattoos! :D All from my childhood. Got rid of some of them though. Too many tiny pieces of stickers and such. Put on like three of the tattoos XD 'cause I'm awesome like that.
Also realized how long my hair has gotten o: It's crazy. But it's gonna be cut off hopefully this next summer.
Anyway, feels so nice to have an organized room. Even if Mother will probably disorganize it after the next laundry load.

Been reading Digital Fortress by Dan Brown. It's pretty awesome. I wish my brain could follow and solve complex codes.


So that's all I can remember from this week up until today. Gonna watch another movie tonight, read some more, and sleep early. Wake up early tomorrow, maybe get a head start on my term paper. Oh, Mother bought a buche de noel again XD Mmmm, tasty.


Five weeks till Brother is out :O So soon. Shiva will be back in three weeks. Almost everyone who's come back from college will be leaving in two weeks, or right after New Year's D: Christmas in less than a week.


Can't think of anything else to say right now. So I'll leave it here. Oh, I should put up resolutions or something soon. I'll do that in the next entry, if I remember.


Joyeux Noel!

Desktop Recovery

So my desktop got more malware. Just like last time. Except it wasn't AV Security Suite. It was just Security-something-or-other. I decided to recover the desktop, since I put all my music files on the external hard drive already. The rest of the files on my desktop aren't that important to me.

So I recovered it after over seven years. Crazy. So outdated XD

Been reinstalling programs (Firefox, Trillian, Microsoft Office, Norton, etc) and uninstalling other ones for the past two hours.


Oh, before I even started recovering my computer. I thought there was a Recovery disk. So I spent two hours in the morning searching throughout the house for it. Couldn't find it because it turned out there was no such disk XP

Anyway, the search led me to the garage, where I found a bunch of school supplies (two reams of printer paper, four notebooks, two notepads, index cards, and more) that could have saved me much money throughout high school and college -_- Took all that stuff in. Found Brother's old Dynasty skateboard (thought he gave it to our friend Phong, but I guess not) :D Told Shiva about that; now, she wants to kill teach me. Also found Brother's old Chilly Bean fan XD I used to love that thing. It still works! The tech decks are still in the old desk too. Crazy. I wanna go through all that stuff we used to use a lot. But not much time or space to do it.

When I went back in the house, I checked the drawer underneath the microwave for the disk as well. Ended up reorganizing the drawer XD It was so messy. Now, it's neat. I threw out all the old candy that was left in there >_> Put stuff in ziplocks. So much neater in there now. Wonder how long that will last, especially since Mother likes to just toss things in anyway.


But yeah, anyway, back to the computer. Reinstalling hella things. And ahhhh, my desktop is so much faster now :D Pentium 4, 3.00 GHz :O Yee yee! Pretty damn good for a desktop that we bought so many years ago.

I dunno why, but recovering the desktop made me happy. Not ecstatic. But I dunno, I felt good when I saw how clear and fast my computer was. Refreshing, maybe? The only sad part about it is that I forgot to save my Buddha wallpaper, so that is lost, and I do not remember where I got it from. It's been my wallpaper for at least four years. Sad I didn't think of saving it. Oh well. Time to move onto a new wallpaper, yeah?


Anyway, today will be filled with computer stuff, organizing stuff, and karaoke stuff at night :D Karaoke with Kat, Kat's friend Sherry, Ariane, Kiet, Andrew, and maybe Shiva :) and maybe more. Who knows?


Time to download Limewire (or is there a better program?) onto the desktop. And download iTunes onto my external hard drive. That works, right? Ah, so fun. So awesome that my desktop is just like new ^_^ Out with the old, in with the new. Kinda :P

Only seven weeks left in the semester...

excluding finals week. I'm quite excited. Half the semester has already passed. So quick. Still have three midterms though. Social dance midterm is a week from today. My physics and AAS midterms are on consecutive days -_- Hm, I think this semester seems to pass by faster than my previous two have because I've made new friends, whom I actually talk to. And I attend some events :D So fun stuff. I'm happy.

Three more big American holidays before New Year's. Halloween (it's kinda big), Thanksgiving (pumpkin pie!! mmmm), Christmas.


What might be happening for the next two months:

Tuan's birthday is tomorrow. We'll possibly go watch Saw VI this weekend with Josh and Kevin. We'll see how that goes, if it goes.

Q&A hike might be this Sunday.

Dance midterm on Wednesday.

Brother's birthday next Thursday. He'll probably go out and party with his buddies. Hopefully, he won't get too drunk this time.

Hoping to attend a Halloween party or something >_> I just wanna do something. I don't wanna be home like I always am.

Class listings for Spring '10 come out on my birthday :O I can't believe I'm going to be 19 and still don't know what I'm doing in college XP Registration will probably start a few weeks after the list comes out.

A couple of November birthdays to remember. For sure, I know Maggie's :) What shall we do to celebrate? Clubbing? :D haha

Mm, physics midterm will be ok. AAS midterm, probably not.

Week of Thanksgiving. Furloughs. So I will have to show up for three days of the week for one class each day -__-

Thanksgiving. Family time. Probably gonna have roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and Pumpkin Pie! mmmm... Can't wait for pie. I make myself wait a whole year for pie haha.

Finals in December. Fun stuff. Then Winter break, yay!

Christmas. No presents. I don't get presents anymore. Though, Tony will probably force me to spend his money -_- Maybe there will be a Christmas party :D haha.

New Year's. Party? Yeah? Hope so. Don't wanna be home for New Year's. I'd just be going to bed early, since no one would be online. So party, there must be a party somewhere. Or a small get-together. I don't care. I just want out of the house for the new year. Like the start of this year. Except I won't drink so much, thus no puking XP Just fun times.


Please let this year end well.


Anyway, I don't know why, but lately I've been dreaming about boys. Like, I even had a dream about Taylor Lautner haha. Aye, I feel like Ayana XP Seriously though, I haven't dreamed about boys for over a year. You know, those certain dreams where you're flirting/pursuing/etc :P Balancing out my dreams about girls, hmm....

Haha I have to laugh when I think about my Taylor Lautner dream :P Such a fangirl dream.

I've also been having some crazy dreams. Like whoa. I have no idea what's going on in my head.

I woke up late today. Ugh. I hate waking up late. At least it's just a Saturday. I've got a lot of reading to do this weekend.

I spent two hours rearranging old schoolwork and stuff in my room. Threw out some stuff. I put all my old schoolwork and notes are in the SJSU boxes (the ones you get when you receive your ordered textbooks). Now, my small, brown cardboard box is only half-full again. Yay for space. My bottom drawer is now very organized. My other drawers, not so much.

I need to suck it up and throw stuff out -_- Maybe another weekend haha.


Oh, so yesterday, I went to campus for my Ice Hockey class. Stephanie H was on the light rail with me. Both to and from school. Anyway, I met my class instructors. Apparently a very easy class. Just gotta pay for ice time and gear rental. Gotta buy a hockey stick too. Fun stuff. We're meeting next week at the ice rink. Yay, I get to drive myself there. Woohoo.

The class is mostly guys. I was the first girl to show up, so I was a little worried about being the only girl. Luckily, others showed up. I recognized two of them. One girl from my Comm 20 class and the other from my acting class.

Hmm, hoping this semester will go easy on me. Wishing college would go easy on me. I don't know why, but I'm already too tired from school. Not good.


I should probably go do my reading now. Yay for Asian American Studies, Philosophy, and Physics. Oh, and I realized that I don't need the Physics Lab. The academic advisor I met last semester forgot I had already taken it in high school. I, however, thought that he meant my Physics Lab didn't count. But I looked at the class recommendations from my advisor during Freshman Orientation. It showed that I didn't need the lab because I had already completed it in high school. This blows because I'm basically retaking two classes that I passed. But I can't drop them because I would lose my fulltime status. No other classes I could take. I'll just deal. I need the units anyway.

When I finish my core GE, I probably won't have enough units to start my upper divisions anyway.

A boring day to you...

But it was an interesting day to me.


Hmm, so this morning, I got out of bed early (0700) for the first time in weeks. I usually wake up at 0700 but get up after 1000.

The only reason I got up early was because Mother wanted me to move my car across the street so that the sanitation workers could get to the trash and branches easily. I could have moved the car last night, but Mother wouldn't let me -_-

Anyway, after moving the car, I continued reading one of the six Dean Koontz novels I have. The Darkest Evening of the Year. Good stuff.

Then Mother asked me to go turn in a check for Tony's debt to the county :P So I drove, arrived, paid, and went back the way I came. Bad idea, though I didn't have any choice but to go that way, I don't know any other way. I'm not familiar with the Milpitas area.

So I was on Montague. Pretty close to the 101 entrance. However, I ended up stuck for about half an hour, waiting for a train to get out of the way. It moved east for a while and then just stopped. People behind me just made U-turns and found some other way around. I couldn't really do that because the center divide started next to my car -_- Besides, I didn't know my way around.

I shifted the Avalon into Park and waited. Sang along to the radio. Read a little bit. At some point, the car in front of me reversed into the next lane and made a U-turn. I moved up and continued to wait. An older man in a Prius got out of his car and asked me if I knew a way that would avoid the long freight. At this point, I was reading a map, trying to guess where the train wouldn't reach.

Then the train started moving west. I put the map away and waited. Finally, after maybe ten minutes, I could go forward. Yay. Home.


I finished the novel I was reading. Then I didn't know what to do. I spent fifteen minutes pacing around my house, trying to think of something to do. Nothing came to mind -_- I didn't want to go on the computer haha.

Then I remembered I needed to reorganize my dresser a bit. So I sat down on floor of my bedroom and went through the two bottom drawers of my dresser. Lots of papers and toys :P Mostly old homework and notes from high school. Ooh, I found my missing hacky sack and $50 savings bond haha. I'll probably lose them again.

I went through most of my old schoolwork. Nostalgia haha. I seriously have a difficult time throwing things away, even old homework and notes, as unusual as that may be.

I even kept my 49/100 essay from Mohr's class XP Man, I remember that grade totally broke me down (psychologically, not emotionally). I didn't cry about it. I just stared at it in disbelief and felt like a total failure. It was toward the end of the school year too, so that meant I had gotten worse with my writing. Though, I miraculously scored a 5 on the AP exam a month later haha. Anyway, I think I'm keeping that 49 essay because I want to remind myself that I shouldn't aim for perfect (I'd be too easily disappointed haha). I will always remember Mohr's English 3AP as the class that destroyed my 4.0 streak, ruined my chances of becoming valedictorian, and showed me that I don't need to aim so high. Although I didn't really like Mohr's class, I'm secretly glad I took it. I'm not sure if I can explain why or how, but it helped me. Especially the first-B-on-a-report-card part haha.

Anyway, yeah, I went through all the old stuff. And I actually threw half the papers away :( It made me sad, but I don't need them. I don't need any of it, but I can't throw them all away. Baby steps, baby steps.

I don't know what other people do with their homeworks and stuff. But this is what I do. I keep everything until the end of the semester or school year. Then a week after the semester or year ends, I throw away stuff I don't care about (usually not much).

When I checked today, I had two big piles and three small, scattered piles of papers in my drawers. After spending two or four hours sorting (I don't pay attention to time all the time), I now have one relatively small pile and two full folders on top of that in my bottom drawer :) I'm so proud of myself. Though, when I went to throw the large pile of papers into the recycling bin, I felt a little sad. Haha I'm so pathetic.

Well, I'm happy to say that two of my drawers are now organized. I'll organize my top drawer some other time. A few random things in that one. I have some of those cereal prizes in there haha. Anyone want a Mater or Lightning McQueen plush? Or a mini Guitar Hero toy? haha :P Oh, my rainbow armband is in there too :D I thought I misplaced it. Mm, ok, I'm gonna stop with the inventory :P


Fourth of July on Saturday. I wonder if Alex D is in LA right now. Expo and all XP Ah, maybe I should call him and ask him to get me a souvenir heh. Anyway, I wonder what people are gonna do for Independence Day. I think I might just be staying home or chilling at lil Nancy's place. We'll see.


Mm, oh, so I was thinking about the things I need to buy. I think I should put off buying sunglasses, since I need my glasses to see haha. So just need to buy a nice cap. And I want a new belt.

Hmm, I should take out some stuff from my closet and dresser tomorrow to donate to Goodwill. Give away those company caps (Sprint, Omega) that my mom thinks I should wear. I'll give them away to warrant the purchase of a nicer cap :D Without a company name. I do not like to advertise companies of which I do not utilize the services. Besides, company caps are lame XP Unless the company specifically makes apparel and such.


Eek. I don't know why, but every night for the past week or so, there has been a loud but dull BOOM (or thud) somewhere outside my house. It's really difficult to determine how close it is. Sometimes, I think it's right outside the wall of my house. Other times, it sounds like it's two houses down.

Maybe Mother's paranoia has suddenly materialized into frightening noises in the middle of the night. Or people are just really excited about the Fourth of July. Premature excitement, you think?


Mmm, you think I should express myself more in my entries? Or is this good? I mean, obviously, I'm not gonna tell you everything that goes on in my head. One, that's too much info. Two, I don't think that's possible. Three, I'm still useless with words.

Ugh, I want to go out. My sunburn didn't really last long. Yay. I'm getting too tired of doing the same thing every day. Ooh, but I'm getting a little better with my chin-ups :D Not all the way up, but better than before haha. I'll be doing full chin-ups in no time. Or at least until Tony takes back his Iron Gym stuff XP

Eh, I think I'm either gonna go sleep or read. Fun stuff. Fun days should be coming soon. Maybe a movie or a walk in the park, if only people would reply to their texts on time.