Maybe I should have started riding my bike to school

So Mother just drove me and D downtown so that I could show her where to pick me up at school. Preparing for Thursday 'cause she's got an eye surgery at 1230.

On our way to D's place, we stopped somewhere to do something. I dunno what. But when we got back in the Avalon, it wouldn't start. It made a rapid clicking sound.

Called a tow truck. Called the body shop. *insert complex driving and car-switching patterns here*

At the shop, we found out that the battery died. Though, that doesn't really explain the clicking sound to me. Once the battery got some juice, we found out something else was wrong. And the idle rpm was too low.

So we have to leave the Avalon at the shop until tomorrow.

This is kinda good news because it means Mother has to drive the new car. But it sucks because we gotta spend more money. I don't know how we're gonna afford all this.

I suggested that we just fix whatever we can on the Avalon and don't drive it as much as we used to. I can just ride my bike to the light rail station and to campus from the light rail stop. Not that hard. I just need a bike lock and a key to the bike cages.

Man, I could get some good exercise this way haha.

Nice is never out of style

The black limited edition of ^that shirt is sold out :( So this morning, I ordered the original Nice Girl shirt and the Fierce-Nice hat (Finally!). I'm so happy. Finally buying my Wong Fu stuff (You knew I was talking about WF Productions, yeah? Yeaah). I'm just sad I couldn't get the Nice is Never Out of Style shirt. There's another one, but it's gray and I don't like the design as much. Oh well, I got the original NG shirt (in medium because large is sold out, grr) and the hat, so it's all good.

Can't wait for them to arrive :D I can switch between hats, yay.


Hmm, so how would you feel if your family told you that you're not beautiful/handsome? My family told me that I'm not beautiful or attractive, but I am cute/adorable. If I hadn't come to that conclusion myself years ago, I think I would have been insulted and disappointed.

Of course, you as a friend would say that I am beautiful. But if you were to be objective about my looks (oh, the irony of that, objectivity about aesthetics), you too would say that I am not beautiful or pretty or even attractive. I've got the geeky look going for me. Not the hot geek look though haha. But you know that's cool with me.

I've known since I was little that I wasn't the kinda pretty that others would fall for. At first, that realization made me want to cry. I thought that meant I would never be in love or something because only pretty people fall in love :P Ugly people don't get to find love.

However, I don't see myself as ugly. I know I'm just ok-looking. I mean, I guess I could wow people if I put on some makeup, as evidenced in my senior portrait :P But other than that, I know I'm all right. I don't repel people. So that's good.

There was a point to this topic. I guess what I was thinking was I know that my looks aren't what's affecting my non-existent love life haha. I feel like sometimes that's what I focus on, even though I know it's not true. I've kinda come to the conclusion that people aren't attracted to me mostly because I'm too nice (or so I've been told).


So anyway, I think you already know (or have just figured out) why I love the "Just a Nice Guy" videos. Just because I can really relate. Haha I just gotta be patient now and wait for the right one to come along. No need for loneliness anyway. I got you guys :)

QTIP BBQ

So today, I went to the QTIP BBQ. Picked up Maggie from Dan's at 1230. Got to SJSU around 1250.

Not many people arrived yet. Maggie said hi to Steven P, whom she hadn't seen in a while. Stood around waiting for people to bring lighter fluid. Talked to Carlo F and Steven P a bit. Gave Matt C ten bucks as a donation to the club.

I talked to Maggie mostly because I'm lame like that haha. Too shy to talk to new people.

Around 1400, I drove Maggie back to Dan's and headed back to SJSU. I was not going to go home early. I was determined to talk to new people.

It was about 1420 when I got back to the BBQ. A lot of people showed up. They were already eating when I got there. Hamburgers, boca burgers, turkey burgers.

I ended up talking to two people the most: Cristina(?) and Craig(?). I may have misheard their names. I'm not sure. What I am sure of is our conversation was really interesting haha. Lot of random shizz, ranging from music to Shakespeare to gay stuff :P

Stayed and talk till 1610, after most people had already left (at like 1530).

Anyway, yeah, today was cool. Errr well, really hot but it was good for me. Yay, I officially made new friends. Woot woot. New friends who plan to kidnap me on November 18 so that I can live life haha. I'm sooo deprived of life.

But yeah, today was fun. New, good friends. I won't be so alone anymore haha. Yay for gay. I'm gonna have more than just a few gay friends :) I dunno, it just feels a little easier that way. People to talk to. People who have experienced things. People who can relate. I would like to have at least a new small network of close friends. My old network of friends isn't as strong as it used to be because we're all at different schools and we're all making new friends and lives.

It really is difficult to maintain your friendships from middle school and high school because you split up. You don't see everyone every day. But I hope, I hope, I hope that I will still have at least four good friends from high school by the time our ten- or twenty-year high school reunion comes around.

For now, I need to make new friends. I need to stop shutting out new people haha. It's something to work on. As difficult and personal-bubble-popping as that is, I will put myself out there for people to see. Slowly. I really want to have more friends that I can treat like family. It would be nice. And comforting.


Ah, wow, I am tired. But I gotta drive the brother to work. Downtown. Again. I've already driven to downtown twice today. Now, I have to drive there one more time. And possibly another time later tonight. Too much driving >_<>

One foot at a time, or one knee at a time

So I had hockey today. And I stayed on the ice the whole class period this time. But I still didn't participate in the instructor's activities.

I was still trying to stand and move forward. Still falling. A few of my female classmates helped me a little. I forgot to ask for their names, but at least I didn't forget to thank them XP Spent the whole time trying to move forward.

So things I've realized/figured/learned:
I should either stop wearing glasses or learn how to skate with foggy glasses (either way, I'm blind).
I need to keep my feet under me.
I need to bend my knees more.
I am now pro at getting up after falling down :P
I turn right a lot.
I need to work on my left leg (it explains why I keep turning right and falling).

You already know about my back and knee problems. So yeah, my back and knee hurt because I had to bend my knees and keep the position to skate.

At one point, I fell on my lower back. That was way painful. I couldn't get up immediately.

The reason I keep falling and turning right is because my left leg doesn't stay under me. If I try to stand still or even kick off a little, my left leg moves outward. I can't seem to make it go straight. My right leg is fine. I can stand and glide on my right leg pretty well. But as soon as I shift my weight to my left leg, my leg just decides to go to the left -_-

So yeah, I need to strengthen my left leg. Haha I was crying from the pain in my leg (and back). I had to stop so many times, so that my knee would stop feeling like it would pop out (reminds me of Franny). I'd stop, lean to my right, and kick with my left foot until the pain subsided. Then I'd go again. Back and forth at one end of the rink. Then I'd realize that whenever I kick with my left foot (to glide on my right), I don't lose my balance until I realize that my left leg doesn't want to lift up off the ice to go past my right foot. So basically, my left leg stays behind me until I start turning right. I need to figure out how to make my leg just move and not get stuck.

I think it was easier for me to learn how to skate when I was little because I didn't have any back or joint problems yet. Pressure points in my leg were lacking haha. Seriously though, I didn't think my knee would be such a problem for hockey -_- You know what? It's not a problem. It's an extra obstacle in the way of my learning how to skate. I'll work on it at my pace.

And, you know, you would think that the instructors would come over and help me a little. I mean, they said we didn't need skating experience. Wouldn't that mean they would, I dunno, teach those who don't know? Just some basic advice? Instead, a few of my awesome classmates helped me out. Of course, they can't help me out for long because they gotta participate in the activities.

I dunno. I'm just glad I can't fail this class. You don't even need to show up until finals. But of course, that would be a waste of $100 or $150. And, you know, I'm fuckin' poor; I'm not letting money go to waste. So who knows? Maybe I'll just spend this entire semester learning how to skate better haha. My instructors honestly don't care. They're just teaching those who can keep up.

Man, I should have gone ice skating over the summer, but noo I had to forget. Anyway, I wish the rink was colder. Maybe I wouldn't feel any pain, and it would be easier to just push on.

Anyone know how I can make my left leg stronger? I seriously can't put much weight on it. I can skate. I know I can. I've done it before. It's just this fuckin' leg won't... stay on course. Aahh, patience, patience. I'll get this.

Anyway, I think I need to go lie down, so my spine won't be so grr haha. And I still think I want someone to go to the rink with me and help me stabilize haha.

Q&A --> GPA

After my classes today, I stayed back for a Q&A (Queer & Asian) meeting. Small group. Well, new group. But yeah. About 12 people showed up, which is pretty good for a new club. And most of them are in QTIP, so I recognized most of them.

Icebreaker: Two Lies and a Truth. Can you guess my truth?
I have an IQ of 142.
I have never dated or kissed anyone.
I have been shot at with a rifle.

:D If you know me well enough, you knew the answer as soon as I said it hahaha.

The group thought it was the third one. I guess I just give off that dangerous aura ^_^ Haha nah, they chose that one 'cause it was so out there. But no, I've only been chased by a man holding a rifle when I was in the fourth grade. Of course, it could just have been a very vivid dream that turned into a faux memory. Who knows? :P

Anyway, we voted on an official club name: GPA, or Gay Pacific islanders & Asians. Not a perfect acronym, but we liked the letters. So stereotypical of Asians, yeah? haha It was originally Gay Pride Alliance, but we wanted it to focus more on Asians. So the second possibility was Gay Pride(ful) Asians. But that was just too cocky, I guess. There were other possibly names, but I don't really remember them.

We also discussed rules and goals. Fun stuff.

Oh, Carlo F brought food (spam and rice wrapped in seaweed, good stuff. Don't remember what he called it). And so did Ton (I think that's his name). He brought lumpia (I think that's how it's spelled). Good stuff.

Mm, so I think I'll try to stick with QTIP and GPA (gosh, that's so nerdy, huh?) for the semester. See how it all works out. Meetings every Tuesday and Wednesday, fun stuff. At least I'll make friends. That's the meaningful part.


Oh, and I'm getting better at the dancing :D Still some mistakes obviously, but I'm getting it. One of my classmates, Tatiana (again, I don't know if I spelled her name right), helped me out. She's chill. Doesn't mind that I'm a female leader, yay!

And yes, I'm still a lil bothered about those other two girls I mentioned (or just one girl). They both give me a look when I walk over to them. I don't like those looks. The least they could do is say they don't wanna dance with me. Maybe I should just ask them if they want me to pass when we rotate partners. I dunno. It's difficult to dance with uncomfortable people. Especially when you're not very good at dancing yet.


Anyway, I think it's time for me to eat something and go to bed. Yay for sleep.

O Captain! My Captain!

This entry actually has nothing to do with Walt Whitman or Abe Lincoln :P


Physics and Philosophy were chill today. Though, I don't remember much from Physics. In Philosophy, we started off talking about the Kanye West and Taylor Swift incident at the VMAs. Rude, no ettiquette. He has a right to his opinion, but he did not have to embarrass the winner on national television. She did not deserve that. And yes, Beyonce, class act.

We also talked about Annie Le, the murdered Yale student. Is it surprising that most of my classmates did not hear about her murder? Nope. Why? Because a lot of people my age don't read the news. They read gossip. They read Facebook status updates. Of course, they read Twitter updates. Seriously, the Kanye thing is bigger than any (relatively low-profile) murder case in the media. Yay for pop culture.

After class, I went to the LDS church again with Rose, Angela, and John. Didn't eat. Had interesting conversations about Kanye, the Annie Le case, and Patrick Swayze, among other topics. Rose played the piano. Then I left alone.

Yay for physics labs. Today's lab was simple, but the geometry (drawing scaled pictures of forces) took up a lot of our time. But my partner (Randall) and I finished early, so that was cool.

I sat at a bench and read my history homework until it was time for the QTIP meeting.

Introduced myself to Eve, QTIP's PR agent haha :P Had a cool conversation with Alex, the co-chair. Also some conversing with Tri and Vivi. Can you tell I'm trying really hard to remember their names? Haha I guess not, it's the Internet. But I'm trying really hard. I remember the faces really well, but names are elusive.

The icebreaker game was called O Captain! My Captain! (not sure if it's spelled that way) First thing I thought was "Are we gonna talk about Honest Abe?" haha. No, we didn't. It's like Simon Says. I tripped up twice, dang it.

Anyway, this Thursday (9/17), SJSU's Women's Basketball Team is having one of those lunch/dinner fundraisers. At Pasta Pomodoro (1205 The Alameda). If you're in SJ, help support, please :D You need to bring a flyer. Which I have. Thus, I can go with you or send you a copy of the flyer.

QTIP BBQ. Saturday, 9/19. @ 1230-1600. @ the bbq pit near the AS House. Free food. New friends. Gonna have ourselves a good time. Well, hopefully, I can go XP

National Coming Out Week (COW haha). In October. Gonna have a Ally Relay/Scavenger Hunt the week after. Or at least that's the plan.

Hmm, what else? Oh, I signed up for a dodgeball team :D Let's see how that works out. You know me and how I am with commitments haha. Or not. I don't commit. Yeaah.


Today was fun. I have one more chapter to read for tomorrow. But I probably won't read it tonight because I am waayyy exhausted.

Le is 19, yaayyy

Well, she turned 19 yesterday, but her birthday party was today. Basics: food prep, music, masticating, dirty talk, the usuals :) [I'm going to make this entry as quick as possible, so I can go to bed early.]

I came half an hour late, thinking there would be at least one other guest at Le's already. No. I was still the first person there, darn haha. I'm usually the first person to show up to birthday parties XP

Guests: Me, Alex D (hadn't seen him since New Year's), Randy, and Le's cousins. Let's see if I can name them: Joann, Julia, Annie, John, Khoa (was that his name?), Thao. No parents.

All of us except for Randy participated in making the food.

Appetizers: spam and pineapple, orange and spam, all with the colored toothpicks just like those fancy company dinner parties. Sugar and cinnamon cookies. The cousins brought the Asian-style jello with fruit in it.

Main: Shish kebabs, mac and cheese with bacon, and some kinda strawberry salad. The shish kebabs took the longest time to grill. The mac and cheese apparently wasn't very cheesy haha. The salad was good.

Since Randy did not contribute to the food preparations, he got to clean up haha.

Cake story: Le in the garage. Cousins set up inside the door. Julia had a plate of whipped cream. Le avoided the plate. However, she did not see John with the can. There was a prolonged whipped cream fight, during which Alex, Randy, and I stayed out of all cream ranges. Then we had to clean everything up. There was whipped cream on the floor, on the wall, on clothes, and in hair. Good times, good times.


Le, if you read this, thanks for inviting me. Now, I know for sure you like me, you really really like me :D haha.


Ok, time for bed. And I'm missing a lot of details -_- but I can't stay awake any longer.

Verizon Upgrades

How exciting.

Basics:
Brother got a BlackBerry Tour - $149.99.
Mother got an LG enV3 - $129.99. Free after rebate.
D got my LG Dare.
I got a Verizon Wireless Blitz - $29.99.

Three cool phones for the three oldest. One adorable phone for the adorablest ^_^ haha

I was originally going to get the enV2, but then Mother wanted it. So I chose the Blitz. Still good and very cheap. At the store, we found out that they don't sell the enV2 anymore. So Mother then wanted the BlackBerry Storm but without the Internet. Obviously, you can't get the phone without the Internet. So then she chose the enV3. I told her to get the LG Versa. Same as the Dare but thinner. And way cheaper too. But no, she wanted us to pay more for functions that she won't use.

In the end, we found out her phone would be "free." So we just let her get that phone.

But yeah, fun stuff. Right now, my number is still on the Dare. D's number is in the Blitz. Tony has to call customer service to switch them and unblock my number :D Yay, soon, everyone will know when I call ^_^ No more ignoring my calls haha.


Ok, now I'm starving. So I'm gonna go eat In N Out. Then homework.

Yes, I'm going to eat my homework.

Do the Hustle!

So I went to the Ballroom Dance Club lesson. Learned the Hustle. Taught by Robin Horn. She's pretty awesome. Very helpful and patient haha.

I danced as a follower. I'm cool with that. I'm not a big fan of the Hustle haha. So I don't need to learn the leader's part :P

There were two guys from my dance class there. Talked to both. Danced with both. Nick and Mark. Nice guys. Funny.

Teresa (I don't know if there's an "h" in her name) W was also there. She was in my acting class first semester. I see her around quite often haha. She's now president of the Ballroom Dance Club, so hopefully I'll see her the next three times I go to the lessons haha.

Not much to say, except that the dancing was fun :) And I really am a slow and steady person. I do not speed up very well haha. Hopefully, I'll remember some of the steps. Can't pay $3 to forget XP

Next week, Rumba. Awesome stuff. People should come with me haha. Anyone can come, learn. There were quite a few Viet people. About my mom's age, or a bit younger.

Oh yeah, and there was Bonnie. She was very nice. I think she's about my mom's age too. Very cool lady. Helped me learn the steps. She was as confused as I was at times haha. Thank you, Bonnie, for making me feel not alone.

How slippery

I don't like to lose control. I mean, I don't feel like I have much power over anything really in my life. But my sense of balance is one thing I can kinda control.

So today, during Hockey, I stayed off the ice for most of the class time >_< For the first ten minutes, I kept losing my balance, so I gave up. While the whole class was learning skating techniques, I just stood/sat and watched. The last ten to twenty minutes of class will always be free play. So the last ten minutes, I tried to skate one more time. Not much luck. I fell often. Really hard. I even hurt my back because I didn't fall properly.

And I need to go buy one of those lanyard things for my glasses. They kept sliding down, and I couldn't see anything.

What else? Oh, the reason I was so wobbly on my skates in the first place? My skate's were one size too big. I didn't know. I thought they were supposed to be a little loose. Maybe I'll be prepared next week haha.

Seriously though, today, I was embarrassed XP I thought I would remember something about skating from the fourth grade, but no, I didn't. There's like one other guy in my class who doesn't really know how to skate, but he tried.

Need to learn to let loose. Need to learn how to fall. Not be afraid. Very difficult when I've been taught to be very cautious. Like almost obnoxiously cautious. Take no risks. You would think my mom would teach to take risks. I mean, she took a really big risk with her life when she fled Viet Nam. I know, fleeing for your life and playing hockey are two totally different things. But I just wish she had taught me to do more. My life's been way too easy :/

Mm, so for most of the time that I spent on the ice, I was slipping and falling. I kept thinking, though, "Shit, I can't keep falling. I'll break my glasses if I fall too hard. If I break my glasses somehow, Mom's gonna kill me." I almost wanted to cry haha.

Oh, and I did cry a little. My sweat stung so badly. I didn't even know my sweat could sting.

Anyway, hopefully, I'll be a little more courageous next week XP Probably not, but I will try.

I'm hoping to go back tomorrow with someone to learn how to skate (don't know who if anyone yet). I was planning on doing that before school started, but I forgot. I just need some advice about how to stand and move forward. After I get the hang of that, I think I could catch up with hockey. Right now, I have no sense of balance.

And wow, do my ankles hurt! haha.

Anyway, tonight, I'm going to the Ballroom Dance Club lesson. Need to for class. Yay.

I should buy Febreze :P The hockey gear stinks.

Don't ride the light rail. They're listening >_> <_< >_>

So I took the light rail home with Amy, Christine, and Chris. We were talking about college and how lucky and grateful we are that we can go to college because we can pay for it (or, in my case, the government does). I expressed some guilt for getting financial aid while many others don't (because I don't even know if I want to be in college). We also talked about people who take their chances in life for granted. Or, more negatively, make so many mistakes that you must wonder what the hell is going through their head that would make them do stupid things.

Sitting in front of us, a blonde woman in her 30's or 40's turns around to "lecture" us. At first, we were confused because we didn't know what she was saying or to whom she was speaking. Then we realized she was talking to us, even though she wasn't facing us. I thought she was mad at us because we were talking about how lucky we were to be in college or something like that. I started to feel guilty because she said she and a lot of other people never got to go to college. However, the reason she never got to go to college was because they (don't know who "they" are, maybe the government) kidnapped her thirty times and relocated her to different camps or institutions around the country. She remembered one place in Utah. Some hospital. She recited the name of the place, but I don't remember. I was too busy being confused.

She rambled on about how she had to teach many different people (especially this one girl who was taken because no one "claimed her as their sister") how to escape from those camps because she had so much experience.

"Watch what you say. Say what you want to say. But don't say it in public."
"Don't have these conversations on the bus or the light rail."
"You think people don't hear you, but they hear you. They listen to your conversations."
"They can just take a microphone out of their ear and record everything you say."
"There are people who won't like what you say, and they'll take you. They'll just yank you right out and throw you into one of those [places]."
"I said my passport [password?] out loud twice. Twice. They took me and put me in a [place]."

I don't know what she actually called those places. I thought she was saying "cyborgs," but that doesn't make any sense. Not that anything she said really made sense. All I know is that she was scolding and warning us. And she wanted to save us from the same fate she has.

Seriously, at first, it sounded like she was angry at us for either having the chance to go to college or for talking about people who waste their chances. Then she just rambled.

Oh, when one red-headed guy was getting off the light rail, the woman pointed him out and said something about him texting. "See, you and your text messaging. They could follow you..." The guy just had a O_o look on his face and left.

Amy, Christine, Chris, and I just sat there. Quiet. They were texting people. I had to listen. Then, as Christine got off the light rail, I realized that I would be the last person in our group to get off the light rail. I didn't want to stay near the woman alone. So I asked Amy via unsent text if I could get a ride from her haha.

So when we got off at Snell, the woman also got off the light rail haha. What luck. Oh well. We walked slowly behind her so that she could move away from us first.

And yeah, yay for weird light rail strangers.

I don't know about the others, but I think that she's got some screws loose. Or, I don't know, someone dared her to be eccentric on the light rail.


Yeah, so today was interesting, to say the least. Other than the light rail lady, not much happened today.

AAS is as long as usual. I finished half a crossword puzzle in class haha.

In social dance, we worked on the turns, crossovers, and chases. We combined them. A little confused at first, but then I got the hang of it. Oh, and I'm going to revise my previous statement about the girls in my class: All but one (maybe two others) are comfortable dancing with me. I say this because after we finished practicing, she kinda pushed me away. When you let go of someone, you just kinda let your hands drop, yeah? She kinda just shoved my arms away as they were dropping. Of course, it could have been accidental, but she's the one who won't make small talk with me haha.

If she doesn't want to dance with me, I won't be offended. I think I'd prefer if she just say so. But eh, we're such a "nice" society.

Anyway, I'm kinda getting better. I can do the steps alone pretty well haha. With a partner, it's hit or miss. I succeeded with maybe six partners. The rest tended to step ahead of the beat. Some forget that I'm supposed to lead them. They turn and cross before I give them the signals because they're going early with the beat count rather than following my lead -_- But it's ok, we have weeks to improve. When there are no more beat counts, they'll have to follow better. And I'll hopefully be a better leader by then.


Mm, what else today? I went with Amy to Nob Hill haha. She bought brownie mix, icing, and a Thank-You card. Oh, and a beef stick. I can't say that with a straight face. That's why I call 'em Slim Jims.

So that's all. I really just wanted to update about the light rail lady haha. What a memory. Maybe I'll use it as an educational tale one day in the future. Include the story about the "PCP lady" from the Expo trip back in 2005 haha, yeaah. Fun stuff.

I really could complain about her all day long.

But I won't. I'm just going to silently fume (as paradoxical as that sounds).

I drove Mother and D to back to the dealership to discuss her concerns about a burning plastic smell and a price misunderstanding.

She can be really aggravating. She repeated the same questions at least eight times. And that is not an overstatement.

I really do often wonder how it's possible that we're mother and daughter. Then again, I have no patience with her anymore. So maybe we're more alike than I'd like to admit.

Anyway, it's official. The Avalon is mine. But Mother gets priority on it. What else? Oh, I've driven the new car more than Mother has. Fun. Might as well just give me the new car instead.

Just a couple of months. Then the Avalon is fully mine. No need for her to not take the Murano. She just needs to adapt. Fast. Please.